The worst Lily James Love story.
By SuperGirl
A/N: quiet frankly I am dirt poor to be honest. I own a smelly dog and this is it and I don't even like him. The point to this is, this is what people are doing in fanfics! There forth here is what everyone is over-doing in one fan-fiction! These are all things done, over and over and over again. So I blended them together so people can see why there just silly….and yes I did misspell Sirius' name though this.
A big explanation what Hogwarts is incase any didn't know (insert here).
There she was Lily Evans, the girl of James' dream. It was quiet sad really. She was delusional and quiet out of her mind and paranoid, but he liked her none the less. She was always smiling and had this left eye tweaks sometimes she'd even blurt out a curse word out of the blue, she never bathed and had no friends, he was the only one who knew of her existence and just dumped someone for her. Yet he was in love with the girl who used her wand for a back-scratchier before him and picked her nose. In his eyes it was the best thing to happen to a wand since magic.
He was starring at her across the room when his friend came up to him. "James." He looked up over at Peter and glared at him. "What do you want, you know your not allowed to talk." he said looking over at Peter. He frown some. 'You traitor.' he thought in his head. "Er…what did I do?" asked the mousy boy eyes widen. "Well it is what you are going to do, you know you are not allowed to have any important rolls or any dialog in anything." he said looking over at Peter who frown some.
"But I haven't done anything I just wanted to see if you wanted to play a game of chess." he said. James frown at him. "No, no Pete you are suppose to go off an be all mysterious and befriend Slytherin." he said lowering his gaze. "Why?' squeaked out Peter. At that moment Serious came down the stairs. "Why what?" he asked looking at Peter. "Why do I have to keep disappearing and seem up to something?" he asked Serious rolled his eyes.
"It's because no one likes you and will give you a proper casting even though during this time you were not up to no good or betraying, sorry." he said walking over to read.
James looked over at Serious who was reading. "What are you doing?" he asked his friend who was reading book. The whole Griffindor room looked over shocked. "I am reading?" he said raising an eyebrow. "But, your not allowed to read your the playboy who doesn't do anything, come on man go out and snog a third year in a closet!" cried James.
"But I don't want to." said Serious pouting. "I want to read." he said.
"Well that is too bad, your not allowed to be smart or read!" said James. Serious pouted some.
"I want to learn though!" he cried. He paused and noticed Lily was leaving the common room.
"Oh, I'm going to go stalk Evans since I have nothing else to do with my life. Cheers!" said James running across the room.
Peter looked over at Serious who was reading again. "Your not allowed to learn!" he said pointing. Serious frown at Peter. "Well your not allowed to be around your friends, go off and turn evil already." said Serious looking at Peter who frown some. At that moment Remus came down the stairs. "Hi." he said looking at the two boys.
"Why Don't you have a book Remus?" asked Peter looking at Remus. "I do have a life you know. I have no idea why people think I have nothing better to do then read." he said walking across the room over to where some girl were. "Wait what are you doing?" asked Serious. Remus turned around and looked at him. "I was going to go and talk to them." he said raising an eye brow.
"But your gay." said Serious looking at Remus who's mouth was wide in shock. "I am not bloody gay." he said turning red.
"You're the quiet non-sociable one of us." said Peter agreeing with Serious. "Since when?" he asked.
"Everyone thinks that, it's because you're a werewolf as well." pointed out Serious, "And you in love with me." he added on.
"I am not gay, either are you, why would you say this and why are you reading a book?" he yelled pointing at Serious. Serious looked at his book. "I can read you know." he said.
"Your not allowed to or do your homework, you only suppose to go around getting in trouble." he said point. "Where is James?" asked Remus off topic.
"Oh he is stalking the nerdy Lily Evans who has no friends." said Peter.
"Since when has Lily had no friends nor been a nerd." Peter shrugged. "Just how she is, James must have just noticed her being seventh year and been oblivious her existence for the last six years." he said.
"How would that be possible even?" asked Remus. Serious shrugged some. Remus looked over at Peter, "aren't you suppose to be betraying us right now with your Slytherin friends you have." Peter blinked again. "Why do you keep bringing that up?" he asked.
"No one likes a traitor there forth your not allowed to have any dialogue or importance in our lives." Serious rolled his eyes some. "Go on now go off and disappear for days at a time." said Serious point to the door. Peter frowned some. "But-"
"No Buts! Go traitor, even though you haven't done it yet, you must go away far, far away!" said Serious.
"That's sad." said Remus looking at Serious.
"You need to go away and be insecure about your self and go read and be alone." said Serious looking at Remus. "But-'
"No Buts!" said Serious.
"Your not allowed to read or know how!" said Remus pointing at Serious.
"Why not?" asked Serious.
"Because you again need to go lure some girl into a closet, then another one after that and corrupt all the youths of this school and all girls." said Remus. "Then you are to fall in love with one of Lily's best friends, than I get another of her friends who secretly have likes us all along, but haven't given in due to her hate for James."
"But she has no friends in this, remember?" pointed out Serious.
"However she's secretly have had friends all along and they are all out to break us apart and have flower-ie names." Said Remus pointing that out. "Then I will date one fall in love, but dump her because I am a werewolf and she just couldn't understand." he sighed heavily deeply sad.
"That's just messed up." said Serious. "Only because your gay." he said pointing at Remus, "And in love with me." he said sheepishly.
Meanwhile with Peter.
Peter was standing outside of the dungeon waiting for a random Slytherin to walk by. Just as he did Malfoy came by. "Hi, can you help me join the dark side?" Peter asked eyeing the other boy. Malfoy looked at him oddly. "Hey wait your like seven years older then us, why are you still at Hogwarts?" asked Peter.
"Apparently I have nothing else to do with my time." said Lucius Malfoy.
"Anyways will you show me the ways of the dark-side." asked Peter,
"How would you know I am on the dark side?" asked Malfoy.
"Duh, all Slytherin are evil Duh and you plot against students and work for him secretly at night and want to hurt muggle-borns for no reason." said Peter.
"How did you know all of this?" asked Malfoy.
"Duh, you Slytherin are not allowed to have human-like qualities all evil and shit like that." said Peter. "So are we going to hang out in the forbidden-forest and talk about people and meet the dark lord who recruits students?" asked Peter.
Malfoy shrugged his shoulders. "Apparently we have nothing better to do then join the dark side during school hours." said Malfoy who was fallowed by Peter then stopped and scene Snape.
"Oh hi." said Snape smiling at them.
"Hey Snape." said Peter and Lucius together.
"Where are you guys going?" he asked looking at the two.
"Oh were off to the forbidden forest to join the dark lord so I can betray my friends and do horrible things with Lucius who left Hogwarts before we even came here, weird huh?" said Peter.
"Can I go to? I need to plot against your friends and try to hurt Potter." said Snape.
"Oh sure! That sounds smashing!" said Lucius, "We can even join hands linking us together and we can skip there together."
"Really? That's so cool!" asked Snape glad he had a friend because he never had one before being the only Slytherin in his year and not having a life.
So they skipped off to the forbidden forest where no one noticed there absence…
"Lily I love you!" cried James Lily turned around and looked at him.
"What?" she asked looking at him "How did you know I existed, no one talks to me." she said surprised.
"Lily I have seen you and being the popular horney guy who normally dates the hot chicks with no personality. It got old and I was cheated on by a girl with this other flower-ie name. I seen you finally yesterday you being head girl and be head boy and it's meant to be."
"Er, um this is odd." she said. "But I have no friends not even the teachers like me. And Dumbledore doesn't know who I was he drew my name out of a hat to be head-girl." she cried.
He grabbed her hands, "I love you let's run off together!" he cried.
"This is a joke your playing on my heart." Lily then cries. "I'm not pretty at all!" James grabbed his heart.
"I can show you your pretty, here wait." he walked over and took her hair down from a ponytail. "Here let me show you." he took out a mirror.
"Oh my god is that me, GASP. Are you Jesus?" James nodded.
"Yes, now you have had your make-over just don't leave me for someone else who notices you." She smiled then all of a sudden Lucius came to the scene.
"Er why are you here?" asked James glancing at Lucius He shrugged then grabbed Lily.
"Oh help me James!" she cried.
"Why are you taking Lily?" asked James.
"Because I am always the bad guy even though I graduated from Hogwarts before you even came here. Apparently I am up to no good and now she had discovered her beauty and likes you I will take her away and man-handler her because I can." he said finishing up.
"I thought you were in the forbidden forest." pointed out James.
"Mind you own business!" said Lucius.
"You could use you wand you know." pointed out Lily. "Or being a head-boy report him." James scratched his head. "Okay." he said point his wand at Lucius.
"I'm suppose to take her to the dark lord then you go after her, duh." James frown some and looked at Lily.
"Am I?" he asked she nodded her head some, "I am a defenseless girl who can't do anything and I need a man to save me, help!" she squealed out.
"Okay, but where is the dark lord?" asked James.
"In the forbidden forest, duh." said Lucius.
"Why would he go there?" asked James Lucius shrugged some. "I mean seriously Dumbledore could just find him going for a walk, kind of stupid to be this close to his enemy." Lucius shrugged some and pulled Lily away from him and walked away.
Just then Peter popped back in the scene.
"Oh hey James." said Peter. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"Lucius kidnapped Lily, who is no longer a nerd." he pouted some.
"Well, we can still see them walking away, why don't you go run and save her then?" he suggested. Just then Remus and Serious popped up as well. "What happened Prongies?" he asked. James eyed him some. "Okay that sounded gay."
"Lily's been take off to the dark lord, I'm all sad now we admitted our love for one another." James said frowning.
"Let's go get our girlfriends with flower names and go save her together, but it won't last since were not to be with them anyways." said Serious. "Now were no longer with a prank war with them, we have apparently had for six years damnit!"
"What about me, do I have one?" asked Peter.
"No your not allowed to have any feeling or friends or even a girlfriend, you're the betrayer of us. You suck. Your not even allowed to talk in this!" said Remus. Peter frown some.
"And you live with your mother your whole life." added Serious.
"Was that necessary?" asked James.
"Yes."
"We need a plan to save her." said Remus. "Oh I know- wait is that Lily walking back here?" he stopped and turned there came Lily walking back.
"Er you saved yourself?" asked James.
"Actually apparently I have these female friends with flower names, so weird. One was Rose, one was Violet and other was Debbie, but they decided she would be Sun-flower so she fit in. Also they wanted me to let you know there dumping you guys." she said looking at Serious and Remus.
"Rose dumped Remus because he is a werewolf and now she is with someone else and Serious cheated on Sunflower so you know how that is." Lily paused. "That is about it."
"I'm glad your back." said James to Lily.
"Yup, now I am no longer a target of the evil Slytherin, let's run off and get married and all, since we been together for ten minuets in all." James smiled and grabbed her hand and they skipped off together hand in hand.
"Now everything is the way it is suppose to be." said Remus.
"Wait, James was suppose to knock up Lily and have her be a teen mom by now wasn't he?" asked Serious.
"Yeah, he was, maybe she's been hiding it!" said Remus, Peter glare at the two.
"No wonder I went to the dark side you guys suck!" he said walking away.
Elsewhere there was James and Lily sitting together at the table hand in hand. Just then Dumbledore walked over. "So um I have this club." said Dumbledore. "A secret club." he said suggestively.
"Like fight-club?" asked James.
"Er- not really, but I have nothing better to do then have you two join and well call it the fight-club, no I mean Order of the Phoenix."
"Why is it called that?" asked Lily, Dumbledore shrugged his shoulders. "Wait who are you?" he asked Lily.
"I'm Lily Evans." she said.
"I didn't know you were normal looking or alive." said Dumbledore. "wait have you been beaten up or abused yet by a boyfriend or your father?" She shook her head. "Oh that must be your secret as well as you're a cutter and hate yourself and blame yourself for you parent's deaths, sucks to be you."
"I am head girl." she said looking at James. "I'm not a cutter!"
"Oh, okay, well I'm off to go smoke some weed." said Dumbledore walking away.
"Oh Lily, should we join?" said James to Lily.
"I guess we have nothing else to do now were out of school and the dark lord is after us." James nodded.
"You seem fat these days." he said looking at her.
"I am secretly nine months pregnant with your love child." she said looking at James.
"Really?" he asked. She nodded. "This has been some day huh and it's only 3 o'clock!" he said.
"I know, crazy huh."
Just then Serious and Remus came in hand in hand.
"Were Gay together!" they said.
"Oh wow I am so happy my best two friends finally got together!" said James.
"I am so happy for Remus he told me in private how Serious kissed him one day when he thought he was a girl by accident."
"Were all so happy now!" said Remus grinning.
"Everyone has someone, but Peter, because he is a traitor he gets no one, not even those high attractive girls with flower names we were at war with all those years."
"Look Lily got knocked up!" said Remus pointing that out to Serious.
"Oh it's time for a song fic!" said Remus.
"Oh and James has to sing it to Lily as well!" said Serious.
"Oh and don't forget to have the whole song added in here and dance while it's song to Lily!" said Remus.
"Wait there secretly both vocalist in secret bands as well!" said Serious.
"Well I think I will sing a song that came out no where near our time in school, just because we can do that. Let's see I know the milk shake song!" said James. "Or do you want the Numa-Numa song?"
Just then Harry Potter popped in the room with Hermione's time-traveling necklace on him.
"Blimy, who are you?" asked Serious and Remus at the same time.
"I'm Harry Potter and I travel through time to save me mom and dad! Hopefully I will not fall in love with my mom or Serious, or some girl who dies from the dark lord and being my one true love I then go back to Ginny Weasley and fall in love because she looks like my mom." he said looking at James and Lily.
Just then Dumbledore came back to bother the kids since he had nothing better to do.
"Oh hi Harry." said Dumbledore.
"Hi Professor." said Harry.
"Do you want to go smoke some rocks with me?" asked Dumbledore, Harry nodded as they walked off.
"Funny he knew who Harry was." said Remus, Serious nodded. Just then a huge bolder came from no where and hit James on the head rendering him unconscious.
"Oh no James!" cried Lily holding on to him. Just them the school nurse popped up from no where and woke James up and healed him up. He opened his eyes up and looked around confused. "Who are you?" he asked Lily.
"I'm Lily, your fiancée." He looked at her oddly. "Okay, are you sure?" he asked.
"Oh no he lost his memory." said Serious.
"You can't be Sirius!" said Remus.
"NO I am Sirius." said Serious.
Cliché, This is what occurs to often… all of these things. And here is where I am calling it quits. So what does everyone else think?