I did it! I finally finished this story! pant pant It took over a month - partly because work was kicking my ass, but mostly because it just demanded so much more detail and depth than I'd originally planned. Who am I to argue with the muse?

Title: Nexus
Author: Akuni
Genre: Drama/Romance
Rating: M for 'Much Smut'
Pairing: Renji/Ichigo
Spoilers: read through Soul Society & Arrancar Arcs
Word Count(total): 20,500 (omfg!)
Word Count(chapter): 2000

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.
Distribution: Also posted to my LJ & comms. Please ask if you want to share it :)

Dedication: To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it's impossible, we know it's silly, and we know it's damned hot!

A/N: My Bleach OTP is RenRuki, but I'm hooked on fandom Renji/Ichigo (ya ya I say this for each story, so what! ) After much blushing and chickening out (and wine), I managed to write the smut. Go me! Why is it so much harder to write than to read? Although come to think of it, the first time I read RenjixIchigo smut I did so peering between my fingers as I covered my eyes, and I'm pretty sure all the blood in my body was in my face - that might explain the swooning.

Chapter 5 - Revelation

Even through the sake, Ichigo had sensed them coming easily, since they were making no attempts to mask their energy. Still, he stiffened when the two shinigami captains stumbled through his door, both in spirit form, laughing and shushing each other. Hisagi was supporting Renji around the waist, and Renji had one long arm draped over the other captain's shoulders. Ichigo had had a few himself, but he could see Renji was completely drunk, and Hisagi not far from it. Their clothes were rumpled, Renji's hair hung loose and tangled, and Hisagi's stuck up even wilder than usual – in short, they were wrecked.

"Ask Shuuhei how many times I woke him up in the night." A horrible suspicion filled Ichigo's mind as Renji's voice echoed in his memory. He hadn't thought about it before, taking it as the act of a comrade who understood the pain and guilt, but now that simple admission suddenly seemed a lot more significant. Ichigo's heart contracted painfully. I can't take this, I just can't… why the hell did they have to come here?

"Hello—"

"Yo, Ichi!" Renji cut Hisagi off loudly. "Y' missed a helluva party!"

Ichigo scowled. "Huh. Chad and I met up with Keigo and Mizuiro, so I didn't have too bad a time myself."

Hisagi looked at him curiously for a moment. Ichigo didn't know or care what Hisagi thought of him right now, as long as he got the hell out of there and left him alone. He opened his mouth to invite them to take rest of their drunken party elsewhere.

Understanding dawned on Hisagi's face. "Ahh, I see! You're wrong, you know, there's no reason to be je—hey!"

"Ah, senpai, s'late, ya don' wanna keep Ichigo up, ne?" Renji was shoving Hisagi out the door none too gently. "Thanks fer the company on the way home."

"Ok, ok, I'm going. Goodnight Ichig—" The door slammed behind him.

Renji struggled to kick off his shoes. "Eh, don' mind Shuuhei, he's a li'l drunk. Bastard Urahara spiked th' booze."

"Didn't expect you back tonight." Ichigo tried but couldn't quite keep the edge out of his tone.

"Live here, don' I?"

"Guess so."

"S'good t' see th' guys again." Renji's speech was slurred and his steps definitely unsteady as he attempted to change for bed. "Ikkaku an' Yumi wanna spar with ya again t'morrow, an' Shuuhei… ah fuck it…" Renji stumbled against Ichigo's desk, his shirt gaping at the neck as it caught on the edge. Ichigo stared – what was… was that a bruise…?

"Yeah, I'm sure you had a real nice time." Ichigo stifled a groan, and wished he could sew his lips shut. Part of him wanted to know, wanted to take the chance, but mostly he just wanted the burning hole in his chest to go away.

"What 'n hell is that supposed t' mean?" Renji gave Ichigo a confused look and tried to brush the hair out of his eyes.

"Nothin', never mind. I'm tired, I'm going to sleep." Ichigo tried desperately to head off the conversation before the alcohol encouraged him to let slip anything else. He sat on the edge of his bed, gripping his knees with his hands.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? They're your friends, too, same's me." Renji's stare was intense.

"It's not the same at all, and I said never mind, just forget I said anythin'." Ichigo sent up a silent plea to any being in the universe that might be listening that this conversation ended before he said something he couldn't take back.

"Yanno no one told ya ta race outta there like yer ass was on fire. An' a child coulda seen through that flimsy excuse." The tension in the room grew heavy as their energies flared and reacted.

Something inside him snapped. "I couldn't take the risk, alright?" Ichigo shouted.

"Risk? What risk, th' risk a' havin' a good time with yer friends?" Renji hollered back.

"The risk of getting hammered enough to let those maniacs figure out how I feel about you!" Ichigo spat the words straight from his heart. He froze. Oh crap, that's it, it's over…

"I got news for ya Ichigo, they're rankin' shinigami with lifetimes of experience in readin' reiatsu, they already know how we feel!" Renji shot back, seeming unperturbed by Ichigo's inadvertent revelation.

"You… what did you say?" Ichigo's voice was the barest whisper above the roaring of his own heartbeat in his ears. We…

Renji dropped down beside him on the edge of the bed. "There ain't enough booze in either world to make it stop – I know 'cause I tried to drown my feelin's, but that just makes 'em stronger. I got an earful about it from Shuuhei – he n' Yumi think I'm bein' stupid, an' Ikkaku tried t' beat it outta me, but all that got us was bruises." Renji rubbed the mark on his neck ruefully.

He said… I'm such an idiot…

The spiritual pressure had grown thicker; Ichigo fought to regain his breath, and distantly felt Renji fighting a similar struggle beside him.

What do we do now?

He turned to face his friend, and found himself looking Renji full in the face. Their eyes met briefly, but didn't lock. Ichigo's eyes wandered over Renji's features, and he felt the same inspection being applied to himself.

Ichigo examined the curves and angles of Renji's face, half hidden by the hair hanging in front of his eyes. He allowed himself to finally look fully at the inky lines zigzagging up the other man's neck and brow. His eyes followed the path down the sharp nose to the slightly parted lips.

It's too late to turn back now.

Ichigo raised his eyes to meet Renji's gaze.

Renji's hands closed on his shoulders, their warmth spreading down through Ichigo's body in a wave. Ichigo's fingers threaded themselves through the fiery strands that shadowed the shinigami's face and pulled him close as he'd ached to do for so long.

Their mouths crashed together, hot and demanding. Soft, firm lips slid against each other, opening to seeking tongues that tried to devour each other whole. Ichigo didn't know who moaned first but he didn't care, as long as he could feel Renji vibrating against him like that forever.

The energy still flowed between them like lightning when they finally broke apart. They sat, staring, panting for breath, neither one relinquishing their grasp on the other.

Until Renji's eyes fluttered shut and he collapsed back on Ichigo's bed, unconscious.

Ichigo stared up at the ceiling. He'd been staring up at the ceiling for nearly an hour, and he was no closer to sleep now than he had been when he settled himself on the spare futon. It wasn't quite as wide or as comfortable as his bed, but that wasn't the problem – the current occupant of the bed was the cause of his sleeplessness.

What happened tonight was unbelievable. It wasn't just the sake… there's really no mistakin' that energy once you've felt it. The sensation of their spiritual energies blending together and rushing through them as they kissed was the most indescribably intense experience Ichigo had ever had.

He listened as Renji's breathing finally slipped into the pattern of normal sleep. For a guy who passed out drunk, he sure seems to be sleepin' ok now.

So what happens now? This changes everything. But how? Ichigo shifted nervously. There's no chance we can just pretend it never happened. I'll never be able to forget it, either.

A chill shivered its way down his spine and jabbed painfully at his heart as Renji's words suddenly came back to him.

"Bastard Urahara spiked th' booze." The 'good stuff' Ikkaku smuggled in from Soul Society, plus whatever Urahara considered an appropriate 'spiking' agent...

Will he even remember what happened? Ichigo wrestled with the new thought that Renji might just forget. It wasn't impossible – Ichigo's memories of his first outing with Renji's friends were definitely hazy in places, and Renji was at least as drunk as Ichigo had been that night. Ichigo had to run through the breathing exercises several times to steady his nerves before his pulse began to slow, but the nervous tension refused to leave his body.

A new sensation prickled his senses. The atmosphere in the room shifted subtly. What… that's Renji's reiatsu. But he's sound asleep, I can feel it…

It was unmistakably Renji's energy; Ichigo knew his spiritual signature more intimately than anyone else's after it had so recently flooded through him.

Ichigo felt himself responding, reaching back to the questing tendrils of energy emanating from the sleeping shinigami. He hadn't consciously extended, but he couldn't bring himself to fight his instinctive reaction. Their energies blended again, gently this time, and Ichigo was soothed by the comforting warmth that spread over him like a blanket.

He had no idea what would happen in the morning, but this was what he wanted right now.

What do I want to happen? Do I have the guts to take the chance?

Ichigo felt his eyes grow heavy.

If he meets me halfway…

What 'n hell did Urahara put in that sake, anyway? Renji's brain was barely functioning as he crawled out of bed and stumbled toward the sink. Water… need water… even my eyeballs are dry. He fumbled at the cupboard trying to find a cup, but gave up and just drank out of his hands. He splashed water over his face, managing to soak himself in the process. Heh, I'm still drunk.

The night air was comfortable, but Renji was drawn back insistently to the comforting warmth at the other side of the room. He pulled off his wet shirt and made an attempt to dry his hands with it before dropping it and staggering across the room.

Renji couldn't see anything in the pitch blackness of the night, but somehow his feet traced the path unerringly to his futon. His contentment grew with each step. I don't remember the last time I felt this good…

A memory tugged from the back of his mind as he slid under the light blanket. Something about…

Ichigo? His half-conscious mind groped for the elusive thread, but darkness beckoned again and it was gone.

Omake
Ch 5 omake

Renji: Finally we're gettin' t' the action!

Akuni: Told ya I'd get you there, didn't I?

Renji: Took ya long enough! This story was supposed t' be 2, maybe 3 chapters. We're on chapter 5 now.

Akuni: I told ya before, I wanted to build the plot properly!

Ichigo: I like the plot. I'm not gettin' torn up in an obvious attempt to underdog me before I find my resolve and somehow acquire higher power levels to defeat my ridiculously over-inflated opponent.

Akuni: Thank you, at least you understand. Although you kinda are getting torn up, emotionally speaking… but we call that 'character development' around here.

Renji: Hey I understand plenty. Plot's fine, I just think ya need t' admit the real point is getting us naked.

Ichigo: I like that part, too. Hot sex is always good.

Akuni: Fine! The real point is getting you both naked and sweaty together under the sheets. Happy now?

Renji: No, but I bet I'm gonna be real soon.

Ichigo: . /snicker/