Chapter 13: Unbidden Thoughts

Marlene finds herself in a living room. The walls are an ugly shade of cream - like someone mixed gray paint and accidentally added a splash of brown. Strangely, the room feels incomplete - blurry.

"Why?" Marlene asks though she knows she ought not to. The setting clears just enough to reveal a leathery brown sofa and the woman sitting in it.

Her mother.

"Why did you have me if you weren't going to love me?" She asks, the words falling from her lips without restraint. Then another and another after that.

"Do you know what I went through because of you?"

"I hate that I wanted your love for so long."

A pause before

"...I sometimes still want a loving relationship from you. It hurts."

To all of these, the vision of her mother says nothing.

Her face mask feels damp as she stirs from the dream. As she groggily slides it off and sets it on her nightstand, Marlene scrubs at the crust left on her eyes.

"Marlene?"

Startling, Marlene glances up with wide eyes before turning them down. Her mind races yet not a single thought rises to answer him.

"Are you okay?"

"I… Don't worry about it. Just had a bad dream," Marlene answers uneasily as she tries to smile.

The corners of her mouth wobble.

Marlene hangs her legs off the bed but sits there rather than getting up. Her limbs weigh her down and a tight feeling grips her chest. Sun settles beside her, the mattress sinking to accommodate another body.

"... It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," Sun starts, fiddling his thumbs together, "but I'm always going to be here to listen, like how you listen to me."

Marlene nods, pausing for a moment.

"It's stupid, really. Just a dream where I was asking my mom questions I'll probably never have the guts to ask. It… just made me emotional. That's all."

Sun tilts his head while giving a short nod. "What kind of questions?"

Marlene's throat tightens, and she has a harder time answering. It's not that she doesn't know the answer, but the words seem stuck.

"That one's a bit hard for me to answer right now, Sun." Marlene chokes, digging her nails into the palms of her hands.

'Pathetic,' her mind whispers, and Marlene's shoulders slump inwards.

Sun gently pulls her hands into his, carefully uncurling them. "Okay, then what can we do now? What is something we can do to make the present better?"

Marlene blinks slowly, watching Sun work on her hands as she searches for an answer.

"...I… I don't know."

"Why don't we watch a movie? Or would you like to shower first? You seem to like doing that, seeing as you do it every day."

"It's a hygiene thing," Marlene laughs weakly, "but a shower does sound nice. We can watch a movie later, okay? I still have to work."

"Can't you call out on a day like today?"

"I can't do that, especially not when I just started this job." Marlene shakes her head, "I'll be fine. I promise."

"I believe you. I just… worry a bit is all," Sun answers as he stands up to leave.

"Sun?"

"Yes?"
"Thank you."

The robot brightens, his body turning towards her. "Of course!"

As Marlene shuts the computer down for the day, a sense of relief fills her. 'I did it,' Marlene thinks as she wanders into the living room, 'I survived another day.'

"Movie time?" Sun asks hopefully, sitting up on the couch.

"Yeah. What do you want to watch?"

"Your favorite one."

Marlene smiles crookedly as she moves to pick out a movie. She didn't have many DVDs anymore, since nearly everything was streamable now. However, her favorite wasn't on a platform without ads.

She could do without that today.

"It's called Pursuers of Summer. It's a feel-good movie if that makes sense." Marlene explains as she sets up the TV.

Animated characters shift on the screen as she hits play.

'The themes are a little simple,' Marlene admits, as she eyes the main character stepping out for an adventure for the first time, 'but I think that's why I like it.'

"Why does she want to leave so bad?" Sun asks, tilting his head, "Doesn't she love her friends and family?"

"Of course she does," Marlene answers, eyes still on the screen, "Why?"

"It's strange. I don't think I'd leave if I were her."

Marlene shrugs, "It's a pretty natural thing, though she is quite young in this movie. It's all pretend anyway."

"Natural? In what way?"
"I mean, I moved out at eighteen. Seems natural to me." Marlene shrugs again as she pauses the movie. "Not everyone does that though. Some families live in complexes where even extended family members live."

"How come?"

"I just… couldn't stand living there anymore."

"Does it have to do with your mom?"

"Mostly," Marlene sighs, "there were other factors at play too. When I got my first offer to work at another location, they paid for my living expenses for a little while. I took the chance in a heartbeat."

"You did?"

"Yeah. It's just…" Marlene pauses to gather her thoughts, "I just wanted my mom to love me, you know? I wanted a normal family. With the holidays coming up in the next few months, I guess those kinds of thoughts are showing up in my dreams now too."

"That sounds tough."

"It's fine," Marlene purses her lips, "I'll get over it. Eventually. Thought I was already, to be honest."

"I know it's not the same," Sun says, glancing down at his hands, "But there are some days where I feel that way about the Pizzaplex."

"Yeah?"

"It was my home. I loved it there and I thought they loved me too." Sun bobs his head as he speaks, "Sometimes, I even get scared that you're going to leave me like they did. I know it's silly, but I still get scared. It's different, but similar I think. It's hard."

Marlene nods and they sit in silence. A quiet ticking from the clock remains the only reminder that time moves forward.

"It gets easier, right?"

"...I think so," Marlene answers, mustering up a brave smile, "I don't know if it ever really fades, but I think we learn to handle it better as time passes."

Sun scooches closer and silently offers her an upturned hand.

Folding her hand into his, Marlene starts the movie up again. Later, as the night grows older, Marlene yawns.

"I want to ask Jesse if they know any way we can get you outside more. That -'' Marlene yawns again, her eyelids drooping more by the minute. "Is that okay?"

A vague nod from Sun and Marlene smiles.

They continue their night feeling a little more at peace than when they started.