Chapter 17: Comfort
"I like your face. I think your face is the friendliest of all and It's really comforting."
Sun's words echoed in Marlene's mind over and over again. Even days later, Marlene wasn't entirely sure how Sun meant his words. Sure, she had her theories, but only a few of them made sense.
Admittedly, she took Sun's words as a confession at first. However, upon realizing that an awkward confession like that could only happen in a silly novel, she thought otherwise. Marlene shakes her head, embarrassed that she had thought such a thing.
Luckily for her own peace of mind, Marlene had settled on a far more reasonable answer.
'They were merely clumsy words of comfort, nothing more,' Marlene thinks, her heart better for it. It no longer threatened to fight against her chest, so there was that at least.
Checking her purse a third and final time, Marlene leaves for her appointment with .
"When did your headaches and swelling begin?" asks, several heavy clicks on the keyboard following as she takes notes.
"The headaches started earlier last week. Normally, I wouldn't worry but they've been taking a lot out of me." Marlene answers, fiddling nervously with her hands, "The swelling in my feet only started a few days ago."
"Have you noticed any swelling on your hands?"
Marlene shakes her head and the clicking ensues.
"Okay, well let's take a look at your vitals. Can I have your arm?"
Wrapping the black cuff around her arm, proceeds to take her blood pressure. The cuff squeezes tightly and Marlene glances away in quiet discomfort.
"Your blood pressure is a bit higher than we'd like it to be. This could be a couple of things, but we won't know for sure until further tests are done." She explains, setting the cuff aside.
"Bad things?"
"Just things we will need to keep in mind."
'That's not a no.'
Marlene doesn't remember most of the tests that would be done on the samples she provides. Though, she blamed that on her nerves and on the tests' long, complex names. The needle pinches as a nurse takes vials of her blood. The urine samples, though annoying, were easier to do.
After all that, finally gets around to doing Marlene's ultrasound.
It was a little different from the first one - albeit not by much. It was more detailed - comprehensive as the doctor put it.
"We do this to measure the baby's growth," explains whilst staring at the monitor, "Assuming the baby is in a good position for it today, do you want to know the baby's gender?"
"No." Marlene shakes her head. "I'd rather leave it a surprise for now."
Considering how… tacky some of the baby clothes were, Marlene thinks it best to wait and see.
After a few clicks here and there, the doctor's appointment comes to an abrupt end.
"The baby is healthy and developing well, but I'd like to see you sometime at the end of next week. The guy behind the desk should be able to help you set up a time." says, going so far as to rest a hand on the door handle before pausing, "Do you have any questions before I send you on your way?"
Her mind blanks, unease silencing any questions she might have had. "No, I do not think so," Marlene answers with a smile, though she gives her hand a squeeze to alleviate her growing nerves, "have a nice day, ."
"You as well. Bye now."
After walking away, Marlene only vaguely remembers making a follow-up appointment. Mostly, she remembers stumbling and tripping up on her words and the build-up of frustration that follows.
Climbing into her car, Marlene tosses the slip of paper describing her visit and next appointment onto the passenger seat.
Driving home did not calm her nerves, as all the questions she could have asked began to crop up.
'What can I do now? What's wrong with me? What if it's my fault this is happening?'
Guilt washes over her worries like water washes over sand - pushing and pulling the grains of concern and revealing newer ones underneath.
As Marlene pulls into her driveway and puts the car in park, her heart pounds louder - stealing her senses away.
Taking a few deep breaths, Marlene allows herself a moment to quiet her thoughts.
"It's going to be okay," She tells herself in a stern voice, "I'm going to be okay. It might be nothing or a fluke anyway."
But these thoughts did not fade: in fact, they roared and crackled like wildfire.
Entering the house, Marlene closes the door softly behind her. She presses her back against it, the smoothness of the door urging her to slide down into a sitting position. Though the motion made her feel something like a child, the strange comfort the position provides lulls her into staying.
When she finally finds the strength, Marlene stands and trudges to the bedroom. Though Sun was there, reading peacefully, Marlene doesn't make a point of leaving. She doesn't even put the usual effort into making her presence known.
As though she lost control of her feet, Marlene makes her way across the room - the soft padding of her feet against the carpet alerting him to her presence.
"Sun?" Marlene asks, apprehension cracking her voice, "Can I sit with you for a while?"
Sun's head tetters as he stands up. Marlene bites her tongue, nearly taking her words back when he holds his hand out to her.
"Of course you can," Sun replies as she takes his hand, "Come sit down."
Marlene nods, giving her friend a weak smile.
As they sit together, Sun rubs the back of her hand with his thumb.
"Seems like something is bothering you." He observes and Marlene can hear the silent question behind it.
"Yeah. Just… something might be wrong. They should have answers for me next week, but until then…"
As though knowing her courage wanes, Sun gives her hand a reaffirming squeeze.
"On the ultrasound, the doctor said the baby's fine. That's good but what if it… it doesn't stay that way? And if it's my fault…"
"It won't be."
"How can you be so sure?"
"You are always so careful, Marlene," Sun replies, "Nothing will happen."
"But… what if it does?" Marlene asks, leaning into his shoulder.
"If something happens, it will not be something in your control." Sun wraps her in a side hug. "It won't be your fault. Okay?"
"...Okay."
Marlene shifts, making herself more comfortable in Sun's arms. His embrace was something akin to a heated blanket. Perhaps not as comfortable as one, seeing as his plastic doesn't allow for much accommodation, but warm nonetheless.
Her phone buzzes in her pocket. For a moment, Marlene considers answering it but thinks better of it.
'My voice will probably sound weird anyway. If it's someone important, they'll leave a message,' Marlene reasons, uninterested in moving.
Uninterested in losing the sense of security Sun gave her.