Chapter 50: Run Pig Run
Hey everyone I'm back with a new chapter. Wow this marks 50 chapters. This story has come a long way and I hope you'll stick around for many more chapters. Also I saw Spider-Man No Way Home and it was by far one of the best movies I ever saw and I promise you I will think of something for this story based on that. In the meantime I'd like to thank my buddy kival737101 for giving me a fun idea in this chapter. I hope you like what I have planned. Please Review and Enjoy.
We see Spider-Man sitting atop Avengers Tower, laying on the roof as he looked at his phone.
"Alright, viewers this is Lois Lane talking to you on my new website. Giving you the news you really need the truth about everything you need to know especially on the heroes." Lois said.
"Well I'll be, she really made her own news site." Spider-Man chuckles before getting up.
"And to any of you out there who think our heroes are nothing but no good menaces to society well sit tight because I plan to prove you wrong." Lois declares as Spider-Man turns off his phone.
"Finally a news station I can trust." Spider-Man said.
Leaping off the tower, Spider-Man fires a web and began swinging through the air and running across rooftops.
"Hmm well that place looks nice." Spider-Man said passing by a nice restaurant. "My one year anniversary with Barbara is coming up and it needs to be perfect."
You see almost one year ago Jaden had taken on the Sinister 6 and joined Super Hero High, but it was also the day he and Barbara became boyfriend and girlfriend. Needless to say he wanted to make sure this date went well.
However, his train of thought was interrupted by his stomach growling.
"Hmm guess I better head back to school soon." Spider-Man said when the jumbotron of Jameson turned on.
"Spider-Man is at it again! That wall crawling menace is dragging more heroes with potential down the drain with him and turning them into hooligans just like him!" Jameson said.
"I really hope Lois' site takes off. I can't stand listening to him. I mean seriously what's a guy got to do to get a little thanks?" Spider-Man asks.
"Hey Spider-Man down here!" Looking down he saw a hot dog vendor waving at him. "Big fan. You hungry? How about a hot dog on the house?"
"Free food? Now we're talking." Spider-Man smiles jumping down.
Lifting up part of his mask to reveal his mouth he was about to take a bite his spidey sense went off.
"What the?" Turning around Spider-Man looked to see nothing was around. "If something is coming is I need some fuel."
Once Spider-Man took a bite the vendor laughs.
"And how was the hot dog Spider-Man?" He asks revealing himself to be Loki.
"Loki?! What are you doing here? Oh no did you spit in my hot dog?" Spider-Man said grossed out.
"I thought about it, but even I'm not that evil. No the hot dog was merely enchanted." Loki said as Spider-Man turned into a pig.
"What the heck? I'm a pig?!" The now Spider-Ham said in shock. "What is this Loki?!"
"Consider it payback for our last encounter. Because of you my plans of conquest failed. It's only fair that I return the favor. Complete with a witty you are what you eat morale." Loki laughs.
"Well first things first you messed up right out of the gate." Spider-Ham said.
"Pardon?" Loki asks confused.
"Yeah Hot dogs don't come from pigs. You're thinking of pork sausages." Spider-Ham said.
"Really then what do hot dogs come from?" Loki asks.
Opening his mouth, Spider-Ham paused. "You know what, it's probably best you don't know. Let's just leave it at this. Turn me back before I really get mad."
Spider-Ham lunges at Loki but he disappears at the last second and dodges.
"And what? Wee-wee-wee all the way home?" Loki mocks appearing behind him. "Let this be a lesson mortal don't mess with the god of—"
Before Loki could finish Spider-Ham fired a web covering Loki's mouth allowing him to punch Loki in the gut knocking him to the ground.
"You really think changing me into a pig can stop me from kicking your butt all the way back to Asgard? Now turn me back before this hog goes wild." Spider-Ham threatens.
Suddenly a mist entered the city followed by a loud horn that echoed through the streets.
"What was that?" Spider-Ham asks.
"That is your cue to run." Loki laughs disappearing.
Emerging from the mist were three Asgardian warriors on the backs of giant white wolves.
One was a large bald muscular man with markings and the other two seemed to be twins with long red hair and alternating eyepatches. These were Skurge, Will and Wodin.
Once Skurge laid eyes on Spider-Ham he grinned.
"Huzzah. There it is. The target that we seek. Let the hunt begin." Skurge said drawing an axe.
"Slay the swine!" They all yelled.
"Wait you mean me?!" Spider-Ham panics as arrows rained down on him. "Wait guys this is a mistake! I'm not a pig!"
"A talking pig? Excellent I will hang his head above my fireplace. Along with the others." Skurge grins.
Firing a web, Spider-Man swings out of the way and into the park.
"I don't even wanna know what the others are." Spider-Ham said.
Coming up behind him, Will threw a spear at him but Spider-Ham jumps out of the way.
"He is a fast hog. Fast hogs taste good." Will said as Spider-Ham dodges Skurge's axe as it chops a tree down.
Leaping over it, Spider-Ham runs behind a large hedge.
"I gotta get these guys away from the public before someone gets hurt." Spider-Ham said when he heard music.
"Catch a pig, dance a jig and never let him go." A music man sang.
"Hey buddy you mind picking a different song? This is not a good day." Spider-Ham asks.
"Not a good day? On the contrary it's an exalted day. It's Asgardreia." He said turning into Loki. "The Day of the Wild Hunt."
"The what?" Spider-Ham gulps not liking this.
"Once a year a band of Asgard's finest hunters form a party and ride off to skewer a prized boar to be eaten at a feast later tonight in the halls of Valhalla." Loki declares.
"And thanks to your spell, I'm the prize?" Spider-Ham realized as the hunters burst through the hedge forcing him to flee.
"If it's any consolation you'll probably taste terrible." Loki mocks.
Acting quickly, Spider-Ham makes a sharp turn and jumps into a nearby trash can to lose them and mask his scent.
Looking around for him, the hunters spot a mime gesturing to the trashcan but had no idea what he meant.
Frustrated he turned back into Loki.
"He's in the refuse bin." Loki gestures.
"You put all mimes to shame." Spider-Ham glares.
Roaring Skurge threw his axe forcing Spider-Ham to leap out before he was sliced in half.
"Ironic, all morning I had been looking for places to have a nice dinner and now it looks I'm gonna be dinner!" Spider-Ham said.
Skurge threw his axe at him one more time when suddenly thunder rumbled and a hammer whacks the axe out of the way.
Turning around Spider-Ham saw Thor had arrived.
"Thor? Oh buddy am I glad to see you." Spider-Ham smiles.
"Spider-Man? A boar? When I heard the hunting horns of Asgard echo through Metropolis I knew something was wrong. Let me guess, my evil brother Loki?" Thor assumes as Spider-Ham let out a squeal.
"No I'm wearing for this for laughs." Spider-Ham said sarcastically.
"Thor, what is this? Why do you bar our way? That swine is ours." Skurge asks approaching him.
"Stand aside little friend." Thor said stepping forward. "Skurge, cease this hunt immediately. This pig is under my protection. So sayeth the Prince of Asgard." Thor declares as thunder rumbles.
"Protection? As a member of the royal family you can't stop us without going against your own father's laws." Skurge points out.
"Aye, that is correct." Thor sighs.
"What's he talking about?" Spider-Ham asks not liking this.
"Loki has planned his revenge most cleverly. My father's word is law. As a son of Asgard, my hands are tied. I cannot call off this hunt, officially." Thor said.
"What do you mean officially?" Skurge narrows his eyes.
"There is nothing in his laws that says I cannot slow you down!" Thor slams his hammer down making lighting come down in front of the hunters. "Run little pig!"
"Run? Why couldn't you just tell them I'm not a real pig?" Spider-Ham asks when arrows narrowly miss him.
"Nay for in truth that is exactly what a talking pig would say." Thor said grabbing him and running.
"Well then can you change me back?" Spider-Ham asks.
"Nay again, I am the God of Thunder, not a magician." Thor said.
"Oh man where's Zatanna when you need her?" Spider-Ham asks.
"I'm afraid our magical allies wouldn't be of much use for us in this situation. Loki's magic is too powerful if anything their involvement would put you in more danger than help." Thor said turning a corner.
"Okay so what do we do? I'm open to suggestions." Spider-Ham asks.
"Don't despair Spider-Ham, the hunt ends at Sunset. You just need to stay alive until then." Thor informs.
"That's it? Stay alive?" Spider-Ham said as Skurge leaps out forcing Thor to dodge.
"Try and stop us. We welcome the challenge Son of Odin. His meat will taste that much sweeter." Skurge declares.
"Yeah! Sweeter!" Will and Wodin agreed.
"They have the advantage here; we need to get you friendlier ground. Spider-Ham grab my hammer." Thor said holding it out.
"I hope this plan is better than the stay alive." Spider-Ham said firing a web at the handle.
Throwing the hammer with all might Mjlonir and Spider-Ham flew into the air.
"Okay this is kinda cool!" Spider-Ham yells before arriving at his destination.
Landing in front of Superhero High, Spider-Ham shudders.
"And now it's a complete nightmare." Spider-Ham sighs.
"This is the ideal location. With the assistance of the Avengers and your other hero friends you will be protected." Thor said landing next to him.
"Thor you're a prince so you've probably never been to High school before. Let me explain something. In High School, if you show up with even a teeny tiny embarrassing detail people will never let you hear the end of it." Spider-Ham informs.
"You once talked to me about pride and how I should not allow it to stand in my way. It's time to heed your own advice." Thor said.
"Touche." Spider-Ham said as they headed inside. "Principal Waller's office is down the hall two doors down. Look for the big gorilla, she can contact Fury."
"Agreed, you gather some allies." Thor said as they split up.
In another hallway, Batgirl was looking at her phone humming to herself. Like her boyfriend she wanted to make sure their night went special too.
"Hey Batgirl? Batgirl?" Harley calls out but Batgirl didn't answer. "Whoa girl!" Grabbing Batgirl by the hood she yanks her back before she ended up going down the stairs.
"Oh uh thanks Harley." Batgirl said.
"What's with you? You're acting like a total airhead lately." Harley asks.
"Sorry a big day is coming up. Got a lot on my mind." Batgirl said as Daredevil, Dazzler, Iron Fist and Spider-Woman joined them in the corner.
"There you guys are." Spider-Ham said dropping down in front of them.
"What the?" Dazzler said surprised.
"Hey a Spidey Pig Pinata. Let me get my mallet." Harley smiles.
"Come at with that hammer see what happens." Spider-Ham said.
"Wait Jaden?" Spider-Woman asks surprising them.
"Way to go MJ. You got it." Spider-Ham said.
"What the heck happened to you?" Batgirl asks.
"It's not a pretty story. Loki, curse, bad news." Spider-Ham said as Daredevil lifts his head up.
"Does any of it involve him?" Daredevil points to reveal Loki near the fire alarm.
"You forgot the best part Spider-Ham" Loki said pulling the switch setting off the alarm and making all the other students panic.
As Loki disappears the hunters appear at the end of the hall.
"Oh yeah them." Spider-Ham sighs.
"Destroy anyone who stands in the way of us and our feast!" Skurge yells.
"Feast?" Iron Fist asks.
"Are they talking about you?" Daredevil asks pointing at him.
"Green eggs and all." Spider-Ham said.
Acting quickly Dazzler fires a blast of light blinding the wolves.
"Run!" Spider-Ham yells as they followed after him.
"What's going on?" Batgirl asks.
"Look basically Loki cursed me into a pig and if we don't keep alive until sunset I'm gonna killed and served for dinner in Asgard!" Spider-Ham said.
"What?!" Batgirl yells in shock.
"Please help me." Spider-Ham begs.
"You got it tiger." Spider-Woman said when an axe narrowly misses them.
Grabbing in Skurge lands in front of Spider-Ham.
"You are an unusual beast." Skurge said.
"I know. Because I'm not a pig." Spider-Ham said.
"Your words ring true." Skurge said.
"You are a meal fit for a god!" Skurge said swinging his hammer upwards.
Using this opening Daredevil kicks him in the chest and knocks him.
"Run!" Daredevil yells.
"Come on little piggy! We need to find you a brick house!" Harley said grabbing him and giggling.
"Better hurry because the big bad wolves are right behind us." Spider-Woman said as the wolfs gained on them.
"Dazzler catch!" Harley yells throwing Spider-Ham to her and she caught him.
"This happens often with you?" Dazzler asks.
"More often than think. I've pissed off a lot of bad guys." Spider-Ham said.
"I can do this. I can do this." Dazzler said as she ran down the hall.
Turning around Spider-Woman fires multiple webs blocking the wolves from following.
"Sorry looks like you'll have to leave your mutts outside." Spider-Woman said.
"This way!" Iron Fist leading them down a hall.
Growling Skurge and the hunters doubled back.
In Waller's office, Thor was talking to her and Gorilla Grodd about the situation while all the students were scrambling outside.
"You brought Spider-Man here? Back to my school?" Waller asks with a hint of anger.
"It seemed a wise choice of action." Thor said.
"Putting all our students between Spider-Man and Asgardian Hunters hardly sounds wise." Gorilla Grodd said as Waller typed on her control panel.
"I thought you could handle it." Thor said.
"I'm a former SHIELD Agent and my associate is a former leader of a gorilla army." Waller said as tons of SHIELD weapons appeared. "And we're the principals of a superhero high school."
"Of course we can handle it." Gorilla Grodd said as they both grabbed a weapon.
Outside, Harley, Batgirl, Daredevil, Iron Fist, Dazzler and Spider-Woman were running alongside Spider-Ham as he explained everything.
"So wait you just ate the hot dog with a care in the world?" Spider-Woman asks.
"Not the wisest move." Iron Fist said.
"Oh you please like any of you would say no to free food." Spider-Ham said.
"It's true. Free food is the best." Daredevil admits.
"Hey Spidey I guess this makes you the Pig man on campus." Harley laughs.
"This is not how I hoped this day would go." Batgirl said.
"Tell me about." Spider-Ham said as Waller and Gorilla Grodd stepped out.
"No running in the halls!" Grodd yells as they opened fired.
"I sent Fury a message. Get to the hanger and grab a jet! He'll meet up with you soon!" Waller said.
"For Asgard! For ham!" Thor yells throwing his hammer hitting Wohan in the chest. "Keep him alive and squealing!"
"That pig will make a tasty meal! When I chop off his head and hang its hide on my wall!" Skurge yells causing something to snap in Batgirl.
As the hunters were about to charge when an explosion went off sending them flying backwards.
From the smoke, Batgirl swings in and punches Skurge in the face with her stun knuckle surprising Spider-Ham.
"Batgirl?" He gasps.
Wodin thrusts his spear at her but she dodges and throws batarangs making him stick to the lockers.
Doing a backflip she kicks Will in the chest making him fall off his wolf.
Recovering they see Batgirl had a seriously pissed off look on her face.
"Nobody eats my boyfriend!" Batgirl declares.
"She's kicking the snot out of Asgardian Hunters for me…god I love that girl." Spider-Ham sighs.
"Get going!" Batgirl yells.
"You heard the woman." Daredevil said grabbing Spider-Ham. "Let's go."
"You dare stand in my way?" Skurge asks as Batgirl readied her bataraangs.
"Oh yeah big guy. I'm not letting you lay a single finger on that pig." Batgirl glares.
"Nor will I." Thor said standing next to her. "Ready fellow Avenger?"
Nodding Batgirl did not take her eyes off them.
Running to the hanger they climbed into a jet and took off.
"Your quarry is gone." Thor said as the wolves sniffed the air.
"Follow the pig's scent." Skurge said as they ran out.
"Thor they don't seem fazed by this." Batgirl said.
"I don't like this." Waller said.
"Indeed." Thor agrees.
Hours later up in the air on the SHIELD Helicarrier, the heroes were with Fury and Maria Hill.
"Uh this might be a little much Fury. I mean the entire SHIELD organization used to protect one little pig?" Spider-Ham asks.
"Don't worry little pig. We're 3,000 feet up in the air. It'll take more than a huff and puff to blow this house down." Fury said.
"There's a when pigs fly joke here somewhere, give me a second." Harley said.
"Don't go soft on us Jaden you're not safe until sundown." Spider-Woman said.
"Waller sent word. We keep Spider-Ham up here until sundown. The ship is on high alert and we have an escape route to Avenger's tower ready in case you need another getaway." Maria said.
"Is that really necessary? I mean they came here on wolves. It's not like they can follow us." Dazzler said when Daredevil heard something.
"Uh I wouldn't be too sure about that." Daredevil said.
"Sir, unidentified objects approaching." An agent said.
Looking out the window, all of them dropped their jaws in shock as Skurge and his hunters were riding towards them on flying wolves.
"Flying wolves? Oh come on." Spider-Woman groans.
"Majestic creatures are they not?" Iron Fist asks.
"If they weren't trying to kill us, yes." Daredevil nods.
"He's trapped with nowhere to run." Skurge grins.
"Okay it's official. This is one of the worst days of my life." Spider-Ham cringed.
"For honor. For the hunt. For dinner!" Skurge declares as they flew in.
"Blast them out of the sky!" Fury orders.
On the deck, multiple guns came out of hidden panels and began shooting at the Asgardians.
"Their beast spits fire. As do ours!" Skurge said as their flying wolves shot fireballs at them.
"Firebreathing, flying wolves? Where can I get one of those?" Harley asks.
"Whatever you do, don't let them in!" Maria calls out.
"Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin." Spider-Ham said as Harley laughs.
"That one's my favorite." Harley points.
"I gotta get out there." Spider-Ham said.
"No you don't. We got this." Daredevil said stepping forward. "You stay inside."
"But they're after me, not you." Spider-Ham said.
"You'd do the same for any of us if we were in the same position." Spider-Woman said.
"Relax little piggy. We got this." Harley said as they ran out.
"Anyone know how to stop giant wolves?" Spider-Woman asks.
"Convince them to be vegetarians?" Iron Fist suggests.
"Yeah I don't that'll work." Harley said taking out her mallet. "Charge!"
"Geez, earlier today I complained about getting no thanks. Now everyone is doing all this to show how much they appreciate me." Spider-Ham said.
"Just goes to show you should be careful what you wish for. You might just get it." A familiar voice said.
"Loki." Spider-Ham growls.
"And yet I made you the most desirable beast in all the nine realms. Ironic isn't it?" An agent said turning into Loki. "But maybe I picked the wrong beast. Perhaps I should have made you a chicken instead."
"Why you." Spider-Ham growls as Loki disappeared outside onto the battle. "You know what? I don't need to hide. I can fight my own battles." Spider-Ham declares running outside.
"I am Skurge, executioner! Nothing stands between me and my—" As Skurge flew in a bolt of lightning zaps him making him crash onto the deck of the helicarrier.
"You speak too soon Executioner. So sayeth the Prince of Asgard." Thor said flying in with Batgirl in her batjet.
"You lay one scratch on my pig and I will blast you right off this ship!" Batgirl declares as she open fires forcing the other two hunters to land. "I'll give you guys cover."
"Get them!" Daredevil yells as they charged into battle.
As one wolf charged in, Harley springs backward dodging its bite. "Whoopie!" Swinging her mallet she brings it down on the wolf's head giving it a giant bump.
Turning her arm into a mace, Spider-Woman swings at Will who blocks with his spear.
Using this opening Dazzler fires a blast of light blinding him.
"Aah! My eye!" He screams allowing Spider-Woman to knock him back.
Nearby a wolf tackles Daredevil to the ground as he used his stick to keep the wolf from mauling him.
"Hiyah!" With a glowing fist, Iron Fist punches the wolf off him.
As Wohan aims his bow at the jet, Batgirl flew to avoid getting shot out of the sky.
Seeing her in trouble, Thor throws his hammer knocking him to the ground.
Up on the top level, Spider-Ham leaps out.
"Come on Loki, you called me out for hiding. Don't be a hypocrite." Spider-Ham calls out.
"Soo-ee." Loki mocks appearing in front of him before disappearing into a green fog. "Why don't you just roll over and stick a fork in you?"
Appearing behind him, Loki pokes Spider-Ham with a fork making him yelp.
"That is wrong on so many levels." Spider-Ham said as the green fog made its way down towards the others.
"Oh no you don't." Spider-Ham growls firing his webs and swinging into battle.
As the fog covered the entire deck, Thor and Skurge locked weapons.
"Why do you defend this beast?" Skurge growls.
"This beast is my friend." Thor declares knocking Skurge to the ground. "Yield Skurge and I will show you mercy." Approaching him Thor had his hammer to Skurge's neck. "Or fight on and—"
Suddenly Loki's fog covered the area around them.
"What mischief is this? Loki!" Thor calls out as Skurge knocks him to the ground.
"Aye thunderer. Enough." Skurge said about to finish him off.
"Leave my friend alone!" Swinging in Spider-Ham kicks Skurge in the face making him skid back.
Skurge swings his axe but Spider-Ham leaps back as Skurge forced him to near the edge.
"Nowhere left to run pig." Skurge said.
"I'm done running. You want me? Come and get me." Spider-Ham said.
Skurge swings his ax but Spider-Ham dodges and fires a web in his face.
Gasping, Skurge tries to rip the webs off but when he did Spider-Ham tackles him and grabs him by the head forcing him towards the edge.
Refusing to back down, Skurge grabs Spider-Ham and throws him across the deck.
"I've never seen a pig defend his honor so bravely but…" Skurge raises his axe up high to finish the fight.
As the fog cleared everyone looked in horror at the sight in front of them.
"No!" The heroes yelled.
"Spider-Man!" Batgirl screams.
"It's time to chop some pork!" Skurge brings his axe down but just as it was inches from Spider-Ham's neck a horn went off. "No it can't be. So soon?"
Looking around they saw the sun had gone down.
"We made it to sundown!" Batgirl cheers.
"The day ends, the battle is won." Thor smiles.
"Oh yeah! We did it! We did it! Oh yeah!" Harley said doing a victory dance.
"Honestly this didn't go as bad as I thought it would." Dazzler admits.
"Seriously? What fight were you watching?" Spider-Ham asks as Skurge helped him up.
"Congratulations to you, pig." Skurge smiles.
"Wait, you're not gonna eat me?" Spider-Ham asks.
"Unfortunately, no it was a glorious hunt but the rarest of days. Today the boar has won." Skurge declares.
Appearing nearby Loki had an enraged look on his face. "No! No! This is madness! You had him! Strike him down!"
"We hunters live by a code." Will said.
"And we never go back on it." Wohan said.
"You are the sorriest excuse for Asgardians I've ever seen. Finish the job!" Loki orders but instead the hunters stood to protect Spider-Ham. "If you won't. I will!"
Grabbing Skurge's axe, Loki was about to attack when a Batarang knocked it out of his hands.
"Oh no you don't!" Batgirl said.
"Hey Loki!" Turning back into a human, Spider-Man nails Loki with a punch to the face knocking him to the ground. "That was for turning me into a pig."
"The pig was a mortal?" Wohan gasps.
"Aye, it was Loki's sorcery. A bewitchment into tricking you to doing his job for him." Thor said walking to his brother and grabbing him. "It didn't work."
"I wouldn't have lasted this long without your help Thor. Without any of you." Spider-Man said.
"However, we'll still need something roast as the feast, any ideas on what to serve brother?" Thor glares.
Escaping his grip, Loki disappears and reappears on the back of a wolf.
"Get away from me you fools. We'll meet again mortals." Loki said flying off.
"After the trickster!" Skurge said as he and the hunters ran to the other wolves. "You were a fine prey Spider-Man. You would have made a succulent meal." Skurge smiles.
"Thanks uh…I think." Spider-Man said as they took off.
"Well I don't know about you guys but I have had enough action for one day." Spider-Man said feeling his human body. "Oh man I am so glad I'm not a pig anymore."
"Same here." Climbing out of her jet, Batgirl ran to him. "Now we're even for when you saved me."
"Can I just say, when I saw you take on those Hunters all by yourself. You were so hot." Spider-Man smirks.
"I wasn't about to let you die on me before our big night." Batgirl teases.
"Oh yeah but uh whatever we do it can't be BBQ." Spider-Man said making her giggle.
"Fair enough." Grabbing him by the mask Batgirl lifts it up allowing her to pull him into a big kiss.
"Well looks like Batgirl got the real prize." Harley giggles while Spider-Woman couldn't help but stare.
'So Jaden's that good of a kisser huh?' She thought in wonder.
After avoiding a very close call of being dinner at Asgard, the only thing Jaden had to focus on now was his night out with Barbara.