Chapter 2
The Muppet Show
Ron moved across the stage to a point where he was at a safe distance and could still see Professor Honeydew and Beaker working in the Muppet Labs. Experiments in the Muppet Labs did not always work as expected, so Ron carefully and nervously looked around for any spiders or monkeys. Just thinking of mutant spiders or monkeys made his knees shake.
The announcer introduced the act.
"Let us now join Professor Honeydew and Beaker in the Muppet Labs."
The curtain rose and the lights came up. Ron stepped on stage amid all the boiling test tubes, smoking containers, sparking wires and pieces of equipment he could not even hope to describe. Honeydew and Beaker were working on an odd-shaped electronic device that he couldn't quite see.
Honeydew looked up to see Ron. "Look, Beaker, we have a guest. It's Ron Storrable of Team Possible."
"That's Ron Stoppable", Ron corrected.
"Oh, I am sorry", Honeydew said.
"Beep, beep", chirped Beaker as he waved.
Ron timidly entered the lab, looking all around as he went. So far, so good: no monkeys or spiders.
Bunsen waved to Ron. "Welcome, Ron. Please come over here and let me show you what Beaker and I are working on."
As he began to walk over to where Bunsen and Beaker were standing, Honeydew and Beaker stepped back and Ron could now clearly see what they had been working on.
"AGGGGHHHH! MONKEY!" Ron screeched and dove behind one of the tables.
On the table where Honeydew and Beaker were standing was a metal gorilla head.
"No, no, Ron! It is a gorilla detector." Honeydew explained. "You push a button on the top of the head and it will detect any monkeys or gorillas within one hundred yards."
Out popped Ron's head above the table. "It's a monkey detector?"
"Be beep mer beep", Beaker nodded and patted the top of the device.
Honeydew nodded. "It's actually designed to detect gorillas but adjustments can be made to allow it to detect smaller primates."
"Prime what? Dude, I thought you said this thing detected monkeys." Ron cautiously took a couple more steps toward the device. "Does it work?"
Bunsen pressed a button on top of the device and the eyes began to glow. A slight beeping came out of the device, it started to hum, then the head began to turn around on the table. Beaker took a couple of steps back as the device looked directly at him, then continued to turn. He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and mopped his brow. The device continued to turn until it concentrated on Ron. It beeped two times.
"Eeeepp!" Ron said as he ducked back behind the table.
"Don't you worry, Ron. It was just checking that you were not a gorilla", Bunsen explained. "The Muppet Labs have a success."
Suddenly the stage door smashed open with a large bang and in knuckle-walked a rather large gorilla.
"Eeeppp!" screamed Beaker.
"Hey, dude. It can't be an ape. Your thinge isn't beeping." Ron walked over the detector device and examined it, pushing first one button and then another.
"EEeeepp!" screeched Beaker again as the gorilla approached him. It towered over him as he stood there quivering.
Honeydew and Ron turned from examining the device. "It can't be an ape. It's not beeping."
As Beaker started to screech again, the gorilla bashed down on his head, which disappeared down the neck of his shirt. His hands flailed away and then unbuttoned the front of his shirt so he could see.
"Meep, eeepppp"
Ron walked over behind the gorilla and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey, dude. That's not nice."
The gorilla whirled around to face Ron. "Roarrrrrrrrr!"
Stepping back for a moment, Ron looked up at the growling beast.
"Hey, Doc. I've got one thing to say about your gorilla detection thingee."
Honeydew looked up from his work. "What's that?" he asked.
"It's wrong! Aggggghhhhhhhh!" Ron spun and ran as the gorilla took a swipe at him. The blow barely missed Ron and smacked Beaker below the belt.
"MEEEEPPP!" Beaker's head popped back out of the neck of his shirt.
Honeydew examined his device, ignoring the gorilla as it chased Ron around one of the tables.
"AHHHHHHH! Big monkey!" Ron screamed as he ran across the lab.
The gorilla took another swipe at Ron and missed, this time knocking a table into the air. The table crashed down on top of Beaker. Lab equipment scattered in every direction and computer circuits sparked. The neck of Beaker's shirt appeared again and his hands pulled open his shirt.
"Meepp", he wailed.
Honeydew scratched his head. "I just don't understand it. The gorilla detector is telling me that there is no gorilla in this room."
Ron stepped up to the scientist and the device. "Dude, trust me. I know this is a gorilla!" he stated emphatically, pointing back to where the gorilla stood. Ron managed to duck under yet another swipe, only this time the swipe caught the device itself, which flew up in the air, bounced off a wall and landed on Beaker. After that, the device rolled out onto the stage, stopping at the feet of the gorilla, which reached down, picked it up and began to pet it on the head. The device started beeping as the gorilla tucked the device under its arm and left the stage.
Two hands could be seen grasping the edge of one of the tables in the lab as Ron and Honeydew watched the gorilla leave. Beaker pulled himself up with his head back in its proper place.
Honeydew clapped his hands together. "Well, another exciting experiment success in the Muppet labs. Join us next time as we experiment with mutant spiders."
"Agghhh! Spiders!" Ron screamed as he fled the demolished stage.
Waldorf turned to Statler. "That young man screams a lot."
"What did you say? I can't hear you with Ron screaming all the time."
Kim caught Ron as he fled the stage. "Spiders. Gorillas. What's next? Snakes?"
Kermit walked across the stage. "Cue the Snake Charmer and his dancing snakes."
Kim muttered, "I so hope he was kidding."
A group of snakes slithered by dressed like harem girls while another Muppet followed them playing a pungi.
"I was just kidding!" Kim yelled.
Ron was standing at the side of the stage with Kim when Kermit walked up. "Ron, I heard you wrote a story for the newspaper at the school."
"Yeah, "Ron the Man" got a scoop or two. I was bad! I got the scoop!" Ron crowed until he caught a glimpse of Kim's scowl. "I even did a story on KP."
The flash in Kim's eyes brought back plenty of memories for Ron of the havoc caused by the story he had written on Kim. He had forgotten what happened. Kim's face signaled to him that she remembered only too well.
Kermit nodded. "Well, our Muppet news reporter had a little accident and we need someone with experience to fill his spot."
"What happened to him?" Kim asked.
Kermit turned away as he filled out his paperwork. "OH, he was doing a report on one of the monsters. It ate him."
Several stagehands stumbled past, struggling to control a monster with a huge mouth in chains. When the monster opened his mouth to growl and the Muppet reporter could be seen inside. "HELPP!" he screamed as the monster's mouth closed.
Kermit stopped. "Come on, Ron. It's just a simple newsflash. You walk out on stage and read the report just like the reporter would."
"Simple. When is anything on this show simple?" Ron muttered as he followed Kermit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The curtain opened to the Muppet News Stage. TV screens filled the background while the sound of typewriters and radios could be heard.
Walking on stage, Ron held a piece of paper in one hand while he cupped his other hand up to his ear.
"Here is a Muppet News Flash. Dateline: The Muppet Show. An embarrassing situation occurred today when the Muppet reporter accidentally went on camera and his pants fell down." Ron paused for a moment as he felt a breeze. "Wha ... Oh, m-a-n…." He looked down and saw his pants lumped around his feet.
Rizzo plowed in one side and out the other. "Ahhhhhhh! Get that away from me." Gonzo followed through the hole with a couple of pairs of scissors in his hands. "AH com'on Rizzo, I'll make it quick and clean."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kim did all she could to not snicker when Ron returned, holding up his pants. "It's bad enough when it happens on a mission", he muttered.
"Oh, Ron. You have to admit. It was the real you", Kim purred as she took his face in her hands. "Besides, I like to see you in your boxers." She bent over and gave him a little kiss.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Theme music for Pigs on Space played over the speakers as the curtain pulled open. "And now... PIGS IN SPACE! Starring the indomitable Link Hogthrob, the flappable first mate Miss Piggy, and the inexplicable Dr. Strangepork. When last we left the spaceship Swinepork, the ship had developed a severe list."
Link worked with the controls as the ship appeared listing to the right. "Something has developed with the gyro-slopic… what do you call it, Strangepork?"
Strangepork worked some controls. "I don't know, but it's sure going to louse up our billard game tonight."
Piggy moved over and sat in Link's chair. "Here. Maybe I can fix it." She fiddled with some of the controls and the ship righted itself. "Oh. There. I fixed it."
Strangepork scratched his head. "But all you did was sit in Link's seat."
Link pointed to his seat. "Maybe it took a woman's touch. Huh."
Piggy flipped her hair around. "It's working, isn't it gentlemen."
Link motioned for Piggy to stand so he could get back in his seat. "Let me get back to my seat here." They switched seats as Piggy moved back to her seat. When she sat down, the ship listed to the right again and a small lamp on the control board slid to the right.
Link looked around. "It's doing it again!"
Strangepork looked around at Piggy. "Uh, Piggy, could you come here, please?"
"What for?" she asked.
"Just come here", he asked again.
"Oh, all right." Piggy got up and started over to Strangepork's seat. Piggy sat in Strangepork's seat while Strangepork moved over to Link's seat and Link got in Piggy's seat. The ship leaned to the left and the lamp slid across the ship dash to stop on the left side.
Strangepork nods to Piggy. "Link, I think we've found the answer."
"It's a coincidence, Strangepork", Piggy growled.
Strangepork laughed. "You think? Why don't you go back to your seat then?"
Piggy huffed as she stood and flipped her hair. "I think I will!"
Piggy walked across the bridge toward her seat. Link and Strangepork moved back to their seats to sit down. As Piggy moved across the bridge the ship and the lamp moved with her. Piggy stopped behind Link's seat in the middle. The ship was level and the lamp was in the center of the console. She continued to her seat and sat down. As soon as she sat down the ship groaned and leaned to the right again. The lamp slid to the right side of the console.
"I think I got it!" Link exclaimed, pointing to Piggy.
"One word from you, lard-lips, and you are dead!" growled Piggy.
"As you wish, first mate FATSO!" Link giggled and then he and Strangepork started to laugh.
"Fatso! That does it!" Piggy screamed. She chased them behind Strangepork's seat, then turned and jumped back into her seat, causing the ship to tilt again. Strangepork and Link slid across the bridge right into Piggy's waiting Karate Chop.
"HiiiiiiYA!"
"eeekk…get her away from me!" Link screamed. "Every Pig for himself!" Strangepork yelled.
"HiiiiiYa..HiiiiYa!"
The announcer's voice came on as the curtain closed. "Join us next time for another adventure of Piiiigggs in Spacceeeee."
Kim and Ron waited at the edge of the stage as the crew pushed the Pigs in Space set to the side. Rufus jumped out of Ron's pocket, hopped into Link's seat, and sat back, acting as if he was giving orders. Kim and Ron giggled as Ron got into Hearthrob's seat and Kim got in Piggy's seat. "Hey, KP. Something inside me says you were born to be at the helm of a spaceship."
Kim smiled back at Ron. "Flying a space ship would be so cool, but only as long as you were the head chef of the ship."
Ron sat back in Heartthrob's seat. "Ah, it will never happen, but thanks, KP."
They sat there for a moment, and then with a groan the set leaned to the right side again. The lamp slid across the console to stop in front of Kim. She turned to see Ron and Rufus struggling to hold back their laughter. "ONE WORD, just ONE WORD out of you two", she growled.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will stop here for now. There will be a couple more skits coming with the finale. A tip of the hat with the reference to Kim at the helm of a spaceship. I wanted to give a little prop to a good friend. The story of course is Kim Possible The Next Generation by MrDrP. If somehow you have missed this story and I really can't see how, go read it. It's one of the finest story crosses ever.
I am working on "Four Friends", a couple of one shots, "Tunnel Vision" and a few other projects. In my spare time, I sleep and take care of my family. Work fits in there too. I hope you enjoy this segment of "The Muppets". As with a number of my other stories it took a little research to find some of the information used to write this segments. Ya'll take care. Drop me a review if you can. I would appreciate it.