"Come here girls" Tony said to his daughters, gesturing with his arms for them to come closer. The two girls walked closer to the wagon where their parents sat above them. The couple's legs hung off the back end of the vehicle, their mother's arms wrapped around their father's waist as if he were a balloon that would float into the sky at any moment. Judith moved away from Tony, creating a small space between them on the back of the wagon. The children moved as close to the wagon as they could, and then Judith reached down to lift Tabitha onto the back of the wagon into the space between them, as Tony lifted Selena onto his lap.
Tony blinked back tears as he gazed at his wife and daughters, unprepared for what he was about to say.
"Girls, uh… ahem… girls, daddy has to tell you something" Tony began, holding on to Selena a little tighter. Tabitha's eyes were wide as she stared at her father. "Um…" Tony, at a loss for words looked to Judith for comfort. Judith, seeing that her husband needed her to be strong right now, spoke for him.
"Daddy is sick" Judith announced to her daughters. "He… he is going to get sicker. And… and he…"
"He's a walker?" Tabitha asked.
Tony let out a small chuckle, and reached out to stroke Tabitha's curly brown hair. "I'm not a walker, Tabby... But… I'm not going to be here with you for as long as I'd like."
"Where are you going?" Tabitha asked.
Tony let out a sigh as tears began to drip down his cheeks.
"Don't cry daddy" Selena said, wiping his tears away.
"Okay, I'll try not to" Tony said, nodding to his daughter. "I'm just very sad, because I don't want to leave you."
"I'll come with you" Selena offered.
"I wish I could stay with you baby" Tony said, snuggling Selena closer. He cleared his throat again and took a deep breath, steeling himself to let the words leave his mouth. "I'm going to die" he revealed to his daughters.
Tabitha stared at her father for a few seconds, and then looked to her mother for clarification. Tony nodded at Judith.
"Daddy got bit by a walker…" she said, her voice breaking with emotion, "and it's going to make him sick. And it's going to make him die. He won't be with us anymore" Judith confirmed.
"No, I want daddy to stay here!" Selena said, throwing her arms around her father's neck. Tabitha looked on silently, her eyes welling up with tears. Judith pulled Tabitha closer to herself and wrapped her arm tighter around her daughter's shoulder.
"Why?" Tabitha asked her father, her lip trembling. "Why do you have to die?"
"I don't have a choice Tabby. That's what walkers do. When they bite someone…" Tony's voice cracked, and he sniffled a little and cleared his throat to stay strong for his devastated daughters. "When they bite someone it makes them sick, and then they die. But… but you're gonna be okay. You girls, and mom, and your grandma and grandpa, and your cousin, and Uncle Carl and Kaleb, you'll all be okay because you're gonna go to the lake and there's lots of water there, and you'll be safe there. And I'm gonna get you girls there. That's what I want to do. You'll all be okay, even without me." Tony looked to Judith with a nod, trying to stay strong in the midst of his sorrow, and Judith managed to turn her lips upwards into a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Daddy will be with us for a while, and then he won't" Judith started, "and we'll be sad… and we'll miss him. And… that's okay because…" she stopped, not knowing how to finish the sentence. Even she didn't know why it would be okay if her husband died.
"Because you'll be with Auntie Maggie, and Aunt Tara, and Aunt Rosita, and everybody else who died. Right daddy?" Tabitha asked Tony.
Tony let out a sound that was a mix between a sob and a laugh. He smiled and opened his arms so both of his daughters could snuggle safely in them. He squeezed them both tightly as if he never wanted to let them go.
"That's right Tabby. I'm gonna be with everyone else who died, and we're all going to watch over you and keep you safe. When I die, you won't see me anymore, but I'll always be with you, okay? And you can always talk to me when you need to, just like you can now."
"Will you hear me?" Tabitha asked.
"Yes honey, I'll hear you. And even if you can't hear me, I'll answer you. Daddy will never leave you, okay?"
"Okay daddy" Tabitha said, giving her father another hug.
XXXXXXXXXX
Although not everyone agreed with Tony's decision, everyone understood it was his decision to make. Tony explained the situation to the adults, and then encouraged them to get the animals together and continue their journey forwards. Water was their lifeline, and every delay that they had meant more of their water supply had to be used.
Carl, Rick, and Michonne studied the map they had used to plan their route to the lake.
"We're here" Michonne said, pointing to their location on the map, "but that herd is between us and the lake. I led them into the forest over here, but if we keep following our original route we may run into them again."
"So, we have to go around that forest" Carl said, rubbing the stubble on the side of his face.
"It'll take at least an extra day to go around it usin' a highway route. It's our safest bet to follow the highway where our wagon can roll easily. If we take a shortcut off the road, there's no tellin' where we might get stuck" Rick said.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Baby, you should sit in the wagon. Rest at least" Judith pleaded with Tony.
"Judith" Tony said patiently, "I'm not gonna sit here and do nothing. You don't want me to walk on this ankle, so if I'm gonna sit, I'll at least steer the wagon. That is literally the least I can do. I need to be useful until I'm not".
"If you do more it'll spread through your body faster... Please Tony, just relax" Judith begged.
"Baby, I can't. I can't" Tony emphasized, leaning in closer to Judith. "If I'm idle I'll just think about it. It'll be worse. Please, let me help where I can."
Judith took a deep breath and nodded, tilting her head slightly to the side, her blond hair bobbing as she moved. Tony leaned in and kissed her neck. "Thank you, baby. Bring Tabby and Selena, I want them to ride up here with me."
The family set off again, on high alert. One of their own had already been bitten, and the danger of this trip was now clear.
For hours they traveled through the desolate roads and highways which were full of potholes and washouts due to 20 years with no human maintenance. Some parts of the highway were now completely covered in weeds and grass that had fought their way through the blacktop, chipping at the stubborn hard blackness until the highway was transformed into fields of green.
In the late afternoon, a few hours before sundown, they came across a scenic outlook stop, off the side of the highway. The small rest area overlooked a cliff, and the family stopped to peer down into the canyon below. Although no one said anything, Michonne could sense the hopelessness that was beginning to set in with her family. The setting sun highlighted the landscape below them, which was dry and barren, the heat and lack of water sucking the life out of the vegetation. They were on a hill that towered over the landscape, and they could see fields and clearings for miles. A few of the tallest trees still were green, but most were brown and wilted, and there was no sign of running rivers or streams.
"Just because it looks bad here doesn't mean there's no water anywhere" Michonne cajoled, "We just need to keep moving in the morning".
Carl nodded and placed his hand on Collin's head. "C'mon Collin, let's go clear the Welcome Center before sundown."
"Really?" Collin asked, perking up immediately. He had never cleared a building before.
"Sure, you just listen to me, and if I tell you to run you run, okay?" Carl asked, rumpling the boy's already messy brown hair.
Collin nodded, and the two of them set off to the building, while Rick, Kaleb, Akisho, Michonne, and Tony (with a small protest from Judith) checked out and cleared the area around the small building.
Carl approached the Welcome Center with his knife drawn, and Collin close behind him with his gun drawn as well.
"Take the safety off" Carl instructed his son. Collin shakily clicked the safety off of his gun. "Remember, when the safety is off, you always point the gun down and keep your finger away from the trigger. You only bring your gun up when you're ready to fire."
"Okay" Collin said, nodding.
Carl approached the glass doors of the center that were amazingly intact and locked after years of being abandoned. He knocked on the door loudly and waited for any wandering Walkers inside to make their debut. After two minutes of waiting, Carl judged that if there were any Walkers inside, they weren't free to roam around.
"When we go inside, you stay behind me" Carl instructed Collin. "We make sure each room doesn't have Walkers anywhere before we move to the next. We check every closet, and every door. If there is a Walker, you stay behind me and let me handle it. If there are too many Walkers you run. And if you can't run, and you have no choice, what do you do?" Carl quizzed Collin.
"Shoot for the head" Collin recited, he and Carl had had this conversation before, but he never had to put his knowledge into action before.
"That's right, shoot for the head. That's my boy. Okay, you ready?"
Collin gulped nervously and then nodded his head. Carl firmly rammed the glass door with the handle of his axe, and the glass cracked. He reached his arm through the cracked glass and unlocked the door with ease, and they entered the main room of the welcome center. Carl held his knife at the ready as he stepped into the darkened lobby. Desks and chairs were neatly arranged around the room, covered in layers of dust and mildew that had been undisturbed for decades. Collin stayed close behind his father with his gun pointed downwards, and he was sure to walk in Carl's footsteps. Carl marched forwards, scanning right to left, but hearing and sensing no movement. He slowly moved his hand with the knife downwards. He was sure there were no Walkers in the lobby.
"Clear" Carl said softly. "Now what do we do?" he asked Collin.
"Search for useful stuff" Collin replied.
"Okay, you look in those desks over there, and I'll look in these" Carl said. Collin nodded and jogged over to one of the desks.
"Put the safety back on your gun" Carl reminded him, and Collin gave a sheepish look before doing as his father said. Carl opened the desk drawer in front of him and quickly combed through the normal office odds and ends. Pencils and pens, paper clips, tape, various papers, and then the jackpot, maps of the nearby area as well as towns a few miles away. He stuffed the maps, as well as the office supplies into his bag, and then moved to check on Collin.
"Find anything?" Carl asked.
"I got some mints, but it looks like a mouse or something chewed on it" Collin said, holding up the offending candies.
"Yea, not worth getting some sort of disease from" Carl said with a chuckle. "Anything else?"
"Nothing useful. But look dad" Collin said, holding up a picture of a man and his son holding up a fish with a snout so long it was the size of the little boy. "What kind of fish is that?" Collin asked.
"Looks like a swordfish" Carl said, moving closer. "Yea, definitely."
"You think there'll be swordfish at the lake?" Collin asked.
"No son, you only find them in the ocean. But maybe there'll be other types of fish there."
"What if… what if there aren't any fish in the lake? What if there's no more water like everywhere else? Then what?" Collin asked.
"If there's no fish in the lake, I'll teach you how to make traps and we'll catch rabbits and deer, and anything else running around. Grandpa taught me how to fish and catch animals when we were on the road, he taught me how to get food for myself and others, and I'll make sure you learn too. And I'm going to teach you how to build a shelter and weather proof it too. And building a fire, you're going to learn how to do that tonight…" Carl continued, listing off all of the new skills that he was going to teach his son.
"Why?" Collin asked, confused about why his father was pushing him to learn so much all of a sudden.
Carl looked away, unsure how to explain to his son what he had been feeling ever since Tony got bitten. "Because I won't be here forever" Carl said softly, looking into his son's brown eyes. "Eventually I'm gonna die, Grandma and grandpa, Aunt Judith… all the grown-ups, we're gonna die one day. We don't know when, you won't know when either, and you have to be ready. You won't ever be ready, but you have to be. I need to know that you know how to survive."
"What if I don't learn? What if I can't take care of myself? I'm scared dad. I don't want to be alone."
"You won't be alone, you have a family, you have Kaleb, and Tabitha, and Selena. But, what is happening with Uncle Tony, it scared me son. I realized that I can't always be there for you like I want to. I want you to be ready just in case. Just in case something bad happens."
"But it won't, right? You're just telling me this just in case? You're not… you're not gonna turn into a Walker like Uncle Tony?"
Carl sighed and looked down for a moment. He didn't know how to respond to that.
"I… I know you know what's happening with Uncle Tony. He's… he's sick. And… he won't be with us long. That happens sometimes with people you love. Not always, but sometimes. And it's okay to be sad, and scared about that. But… you also have to be there for your cousins. They're losing their dad, and they need you to be supportive."
"I know dad, but you'll never turn into one of them, right?" Collin asked, his eyes widening as he stared at Carl. Carl could tell by the way Collin's eyes began to moisten, and the serious look on Collin's face, that his son had thought of that question many times. Carl recognized the fear in Collin's eyes, because Carl himself had had that fear when on the road with Rick. His son was wondering what he would do if he lost his father. How he would survive.
"I can't promise you that Collin" Carl said, as he wrapped his arm around his son's shoulder. I can't. I can just say that I love you, and as long as I'm here I will do what I can to keep you safe. And that includes teaching you how to keep yourself and our family safe."
Collin looked down at his shoes. "I'm scared we won't make it" he admitted.
"That's okay. I'm scared too" Carl said, "but we have to keep going. The important thing in life is to keep going when you're scared. That's what brave people do."
Collin nodded.
"C'mon let's clear the next room. You're in charge this time" Carl said, placing his hand on his son's shoulder, "What do you do?"
"Take off my safety" Collin said as he did so. The two of them walked towards a closed office door.
"Then what?" Carl prodded.
"Knock on the door to check for Walkers" Collin said. He raised his fist and pounded on the closed door three times. The pair listened for any sounds coming from inside the room, but there were none.
"Now?"
"Keep my gun up until I'm sure there are no Walkers" Collin said. He cautiously turned the door handle with his left hand while holding his gun in his right. Carl stayed close behind his son, with his knife raised as the boy entered the room. The office was pitch black with no windows and they couldn't see anything, but Carl allowed Collin to figure out what to do next.
"Dad, I need a flashlight" Collin said, opening his hand towards his father while keeping his eyes on the dark room. He knew Carl carried an emergency one on his gun belt. Carl smirked at his son's demanding demeanor, but he knew that Collin was taking charge, exactly what he wanted him to do.
Carl silently passed the flashlight, and watched as Collin flicked it on, and used it to scout out the rest of the room. After he cleared it, Collin set to his task of searching the desk and drawer for anything useful.
"Dad, what's this?" Collin asked, holding up an iphone he fished from the top drawer. "Is it like a weapon or something?"
Carl burst out laughing. "No, it's a phone!" Carl said, his eyes beginning to tear up from his laughter.
"What's a phone?" Collin asked, and Carl began to laugh harder. It seemed ridiculous that his son had no idea what a phone was, but of course he didn't, no one had used phones since the apocalypse began.
Collin crossed his arms and stared unamused as his father laughed hysterically. "Sorry, sorry, it's really not that funny, I just, sorry. No, it's not a weapon. A phone allowed you to talk to someone who was really far away. You could hear their voice through the phone and they could hear yours. And you could even record videos and take pictures with them. Or watch movies and go on the internet" Carl explained.
"Can I have it?" Collin asked, turning the phone from side to side in his hands.
"Why do you want it?" Carl asked, intrigued.
"It's just… it's just cool… that it could do all that. Maybe one day we can get it to work again."
Carl nodded in pride. "Sure, you can keep it. Maybe you can be our tech wiz and figure out how to get cell phones to work again one day."
Collin smirked slightly and slipped the phone into his back pocket. The pair continued on to the rest of the Welcome Center, clearing a bathroom and another office room, Collin leading the way.
XXXXXXXXXX
After it was cleared, the family settled inside for the night. The animals were left outside because there wasn't enough space for them, but they were safe as long as someone was on watch. The cliff behind them was the perfect barrier from Walkers, and those keeping guard only had to worry about threats from one direction.
The family camped out in the large lobby area of the Welcome Center, but Judith and Tony decided to sleep in one of the enclosed offices, away from their daughters' tent for the safety of the girls and everyone else. Tony's ankle had swelled and was hot to the touch, but the virus was spreading fairly slowly, maybe because of the minute cut he'd gotten from the Walker's teeth.
Akisho and Michonne took first watch while the rest of the family slept. The two women sat in silence, staring into the distance, listening for any sounds. After a few minutes, Akisho broke the silence.
"Thank you, Mrs. Grimes, for letting me stay" she began softly.
"Well, I had to respect your stubborn persistence. You didn't give us much of a choice" Michonne chuckled.
"I know" Akisho said, looking down and staring at nothing.
"Actually, I'm glad you came" Michonne admitted, and Akisho's head shot upward. "Staying there wouldn't've been wise for anyone. I know it had to be hard to decide to leave, even against what your father wanted. It was very brave."
A small smile flashed across Akisho's lips, and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Actually, I miss my dad. We fought a lot, because he wanted me to be something I wasn't. He wanted me to be how my mom was. Good, polite, needing someone to protect her. He wanted me to be like my mom, but my mom died because she was like that. She didn't know how to protect herself and she died. I never understood why he wanted me to be someone who couldn't survive. I know he loves me, but he has these old fashioned values of what girls should be doing. I think he tried to overprotect me because of what happened to my mom."
"Sometimes parents love their children so much, they don't do what's best for them. I mean, parents sometimes like to think they know best, but sometimes, we just don't."
"But I was mean to him. I was bad. I'd sneak out sometimes and do what I wanted. I just wanted to make him angry sometimes because he expected me to act in a way that made no sense. Like, he didn't even want me to wear a knife, let alone have a gun. I had to learn everything I've learned in secret, and I just don't understand why he's like that." Akisho fiddled with the knife she held in her hand and she became lost in her thoughts for a while as Michonne studied the girl.
"You think my dad misses me?" Akisho asked in a voice that was so tiny, if Michonne wasn't looking at her she might have missed it.
"Of course he does" Michonne said, placing her hand on Akisho's shoulder. "I'm sure he misses you. There's nothing worse for a parent than not knowing where your child is."
"I left him a note. I told him where I was going and why I had to go. I'd hoped he'd change his mind and follow us, but knowing my dad, once he makes up his mind about something he won't back down. Even if it's stupid and he's wrong."
"That sounds like more stubborn persistence to me" Michonne said, focusing her gaze to another area of trees in the distance.
"Lots of people have told us we have the same personality" Akisho said with a smile.
"I'd agree" Michonne laughed. Akisho's smile slowly dropped from her face and she became serious again.
"How are you sure he misses me?" Akisho asked Michonne, the vulnerability in the girl's voice touching Michonne's heart.
"I know for a fact that your dad misses you. When you're a parent, and you don't know where your child is, if they're okay, if they're hurt, or hungry, or sad, or even if they're alive, it's a horrible feeling. You feel like a part of you is missing. I know your dad misses you, because I know what it's like to lose a child, and no matter what led up to the fights you and your dad have been having, all of that falls away when you love each other".
"You lost a child?" Akisho asked, intrigued. "I'm sorry. When?"
"It was… before I met Rick and Carl" Michonne said quickly. "It was a long time ago, but when I think about it, it still hurts. That's how I know that your father misses you, because who wouldn't miss you."
Akisho smiled again and nodded. "You think I'll ever see him again?"
"I don't know. I hope so" Michonne said.
"I would do it again. Leave. I love him, and I wanted to be with my dad, but I also wanted to live. I hope he forgives me for leaving, but I had to."
"You did" Michonne agreed, "you did the right thing". Michonne knew the girl needed to hear it, and as soon as the words left her mouth, the tenseness left Akisho's body. "Maybe your dad realizes that he made a mistake. Maybe we'll never know. But, I'm glad you're with us. Thank you for helping Kaleb get the kids away from the herd." Akisho turned to Michonne again and nodded. "Thank you, Mrs. Grimes."
XXXXXXXXXX
After Michonne and Akisho's watch shift was up, they woke up Carl on their way back to their tents, and Carl nudged Kaleb, who was fast asleep in his sleeping bag. Carl shook the sleepy teen multiple times and then resulted to kicking him in order to wake him up.
"What!" Kaleb grumbled sleepily.
"Shhh. It's our turn for watch" Carl said, annoyed at his brother's tone.
"What time is it?" Kaleb asked, still not fully awake.
"Don't worry about that, c'mon!" Carl said, dragging Kaleb upwards by his arm. Kaleb allowed Carl to guide him as he rubbed his eyes sleepily.
"Hey" Carl said sharply.
"What? I was just waking up!" Kaleb whined.
"Well wake up faster. You can't be half asleep out here. That's how you or someone else gets killed."
Carl's words quickly sobered Kaleb, and he stopped rubbing his eyes. He followed his older brother to the wagon in silence, keeping his hands on the gun at his hip. The two settled in on the wagon's bed, facing different directions. The crickets were uncharacteristically loud, and Carl figured that was a good sign that there were no Walkers in their vicinity. The night was hot but dry. Carl almost wished there was some humidity that would be a sign of impending rain, but it was as dry as a desert, and he was worried. To take his mind off the family's precarious situation he decided to start up a conversation.
"So, how much trouble did you get in when dad found out your girlfriend was following us?"
Kaleb burst out laughing, spit flying from his mouth. "Uh… well, he was mad but he gave me one of those dad talks. You know, when he makes you feel like you're an idiot and have nothing planned out, and he's super wise and knows everything? Yea, one of those."
"Did he tilt his head to the side?"
"Nah, he just squinted his eyes and told me about some of the bad stuff that happened to people on the road. He said he ripped some guys neck out with his teeth, and his friend got his leg eaten" Kaleb said with a shrug.
Carl's eye got wide as his brother nonchalantly spoke of events that took him years to get over.
"Dad said I was a man and he's holding me to the standard he held you to at my age, whatever that means."
"Well your plan was pretty dumb. What was supposed to happen when night time came around, genius?" Carl asked, rolling his eyes at his brother.
"Well, I wasn't gonna let her sleep out there alone. I would've said something before dark, I just wanted us to get far enough away that they couldn't send her back."
"Well you could've gotten her killed" Carl scolded, and Kaleb turned his head and stared off into the dark night. Carl, realizing that Kaleb already felt bad about what he did, changed his tone. "I've had plenty of those talks with dad. Did I ever tell you about the one he gave me after I tried to kill Negan?"
Kaleb's head snapped towards his brother at those words. "What? Are you serious?"
"Yea, I jumped on the back of one of Negan's trucks and machine gunned some of his men. I got all the way to the Sanctuary."
"What? How have I never heard of this before?! You freakin' hid on the back of a truck and went to the bad guy's house? And dad knew?"
"No, duh. He found out when Negan brought me back"
"Negan brought you back home? You're playing with me, right?" Kaleb asked, his wide eyes reflecting white in the moonlight.
"Yea, and he made me cook dinner with him. I guess he liked that I wasn't afraid of him."
"Shit, Carl" Kaleb breathed out.
"Hey, watch your language" Carl reprimanded, sounding very much like Michonne.
"Damn, Carl. You were 10 times worse than I ever was. Mom and dad hit the jackpot with me."
"Oh yea? What about that time you climbed over the wall for that girl, what was her name?"
"Kelley. And it wasn't my fault, she dared me to…"
"And you were stupid enough to do it. I remember you pissed mom off with that one. Dad just sat back and let her handle it, I was watching the whole time she was screaming her head off at you."
"Well that still doesn't compare to what you did!"
Carl's voice changed to a serious tone as he thought back on Kaleb's disappearing act. "Yea, I may have done stupid things, but at least I could handle myself. When you climbed that wall, you were only nine, you were younger than Collin, and you were completely naïve about Walkers and everything else. You could've died. I remember when mom and dad went out to look for you. I remember how panicked they were. Mom… she was hysterical. That was why she was so angry when she found you."
"Yea but I was okay, I didn't go far, I was just trying to impress Kelley. It was dumb but, I was okay."
"You don't understand" Carl said, shaking his head from side to side. "You don't understand what it's like to be a parent. To worry about your kid. I didn't either, until I had my own. Now, I can't believe dad put up with my shit."
"Watch your language" Kaleb mocked.
"With my crap" Carl corrected, "and mom… when she thought you were gone, she just crumbled. I know she was remembering…"
"What?" Kaleb asked.
"Nothing. She was just really worried about you." There was silence for a while as the two of them got lost in their own thoughts.
"I kinda get it, being worried about your kid. When I was responsible for Selena, and Tabitha and Collin and Akisho, I got it. It was a lot of pressure knowing that everyone is looking to you. I don't think I like that, being the leader."
"With everything that happened, I forgot to tell you, but thank you for taking care of them. You did a good job."
"I didn't do anything."
"You did. You got them out of there like you said you would, so thanks."
"Yea sure. Dad said there were people out here that would do messed up things to us if they got the chance. Is that true?"
"Yea"
"You think we might run into them?"
"Maybe, but they won't win. They never do. We're gonna get to the lake and we'll be okay."
"What is it like? when someone turns?" Kaleb asked. The words burst from his mouth as if he had been thinking it for the entire conversation until the words suddenly set themselves free. "Like, are they talking to you one minute and then they're just a Walker all of a sudden? Or does it take a long time? Do they know they're turning?"
Carl paused for a moment, taken aback. "Why are you asking...oh" Carl said, realizing the answer to his question as soon as he asked it. He sighed, remembering how sheltered his little brother was. "They die first. And then after a while, if you don't end it, they come back. It could be minutes, or hours, you never know how long. That's why if it's someone you love, you end it for them so they don't have to go through that."
"You think Judith and the girls are gonna be okay? You know, after Tony's gone?"
"Do you?" Carl asked.
"I… I dunno…" Kaleb admitted.
"If I made it after I lost Enid, Judith will make it. She has us at least" Carl said, placing his hand on his brother's shoulder.
XXXXXXXXX
Judith opened her eyes, and for a moment she had no idea where she was. She jumped and turned her head, her heart beating rapidly until her eyes made contact with her sleeping husband. He was pressed against her, with his arm wrapped protectively around her waist, his hand pressed against her growing belly. Her sudden movement didn't wake him, and she settled back down to study his face. His eyes were closed and peaceful, and there were no worry lines on his forehead, but Judith noticed that his skin looked pale and clammy, and there was sweat pooling on his t-shirt around his underarms and back. She could tell he had the beginnings of a fever.
Reluctant to wake him, but knowing that the family had to pack up and get on the road soon, Judith gently called him.
Tony's eyes fluttered open, and Judith could immediately see they were pink around the edges.
"Hey" she said, trying to keep the mood light.
Tony stretched his cramped body and then smiled. "Hey" he returned, "Do I look as bad as I feel?"
Judith smiled and kissed Tony's nose. "You look handsome" she answered.
Tony placed his hand on Judith's cheek and stroked her face with his thumb, gazing into her eyes. He then pulled her in for a deep kiss. When they pulled away from each other, Tony's expression was an anguished one. "It's beginning" he said softly.
"I know" Judith admitted.
"I had a weird dream. It was about the baby, at least I think it was" Tony said, propping his head up on his arm. "I was in Alexandria sitting on our front porch, and this little boy just appeared out of nowhere. He was right in front of me, and as I looked at him I just knew he was my son. It… it was the baby, except he was a kid. He just stood there, and as I looked at him I could hear the words 'everything gets returned'… I don't know what that means, but hearing it gave me so much peace. Seeing him, the baby, gave me so much peace."
Judith smiled at her husband. "How do you know it's a boy?" she asked playfully.
"Let's just say I have a hunch" Tony smirked, rubbing Judith's belly. His expression became more serious. "Why didn't you tell me about the baby earlier?"
Judith smiled to hold back the tears that began to well up in her eyes. "I was… afraid. I was scared to admit it was in there. I know you wanted another one, but I didn't. I was afraid of a lot of things, but now they seem so stupid. I was so stupid. I'm sorry for hiding it from you."
"I know you tried to hide it, but you didn't do a very good job" Tony chuckled. "I could tell you were pregnant for a while. I could see how your body was changing. I could always tell when you were pregnant, but you didn't say anything this time, so I didn't mention it."
"Tony" Judith said, a tear finally trickling down her cheek after filling up her eyes. "Are you scared?"
Tony wiped her tears away with his thumb, and pulled his wife on top of him so she could rest her head on his chest. "Yes baby. Yes. But I want to see that you make it. Maybe… maybe this is what I was born for, to have three beautiful children, and a beautiful wife, and everything I've ever done has led to this. And if I've fulfilled my purpose I'm okay. Okay?" he asked, moving his head so that he was eye level with Judith.
"Okay" she repeated.
"Come on, let's get going."
Judith stood up and reached out an arm to Tony who allowed her to pull him up. As soon as he got out from underneath their blanket, goosebumps sprang up on his skin and he got chills. Judith stared at him, concerned about how quickly he was going downhill.
"I think I have at least another day or so" Tony said to Judith after reading the concern in her face while they were folding up their blankets. "I feel okay. I think I can make it to the lake. I hope I can."
"You will" Judith said, picking up the folded blanket and tucking it under her arms.
XXXXXXXXXX
The family traveled steadily throughout the next day. The animals were noticeably getting more tired as time went by, slowing down progress. The water supply, although rationed, was running low, and if they came across any new detours, they would run out of water way before they made it to the lake. Their food supply was also dwindling, as they had eaten through their small supply of perishable foods that they'd scavenged from Alexandria, and were now dependent on the canned food.
As the day went by, Tony's fever steadily increased until he agreed to take a rest in the back of the wagon, but he refused to sleep. He taught Tabitha all of the hunting dogs' commands, and how to use them to take down a deer or racoon or the stray opossum they might come across. When they stopped to take a water break, Tabitha practiced the commands with Tony's dogs as he watched and scolded the dogs that didn't listen. He practiced spelling words with Selena, and when she grew tired of that he allowed her to do his hair, making him pretty. He tried to spend as much time with his wife and daughters as he could, knowing that his time on the Earth was getting shorter by the minute.
By the next morning, the infection in Tony's leg was so severe he couldn't walk on it at all, and his high fever was bringing him in and out of consciousness. Rick, Carl, and Kaleb carefully carried him into the wagon, and piled blankets on top of him to make him comfortable. He was burning up, but begged them not to remove any of the blankets. By noon of the second day, Tony couldn't take it anymore. He called Judith over to him and told her the heartbreaking news.
"I'm done baby. I'm done" he said, his jaw shaking from the chills that racked his body. "This is what I didn't want. I didn't want to be this way. Falling apart, in and out of consciousness. I thought I could make it there with you, but I can't."
Judith sobbed, knowing that her husband was right.
Tony called over the family and said his goodbyes to each one, thanking Michonne for accepting him as her son in law, and allowing him to get closer to Judith. He'd thanked Carl and Kaleb for being the brothers he'd never had. He'd thanked Akisho and Collin for looking out for his daughters. When it was time for Rick to approach, Rick couldn't hold back the tears that streamed down his face.
"You promised you'd take care of her, and you did Tony. You did" Rick said, holding Tony's hand.
"I tried to" Tony said.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of your girls now. And I'll make sure the baby knows all about you. That you were a good man, and brave. I'm glad you weren't scared off by me. She couldn't've married a better man. You're my son, Tony" Rick said, kissing Tony's hand.
Tony smiled and nodded at his father-in-law. "Thank you" he said. "Rick, can you help me up?"
Rick grabbed Tony's arm and helped him to his feet, placing his arm under his shoulders to give him support since he couldn't walk on his ankle. Rick helped him down from the back of the wagon, and into Judith's waiting arms.
"You'll be okay" he reassured her, pulling her face directly in front of his. "You'll be okay. Take care of our girls, and our little boy. They'll be fine, and they'll grow up and be beautiful just like their mother. I did everything I could to take care of you. It wasn't enough, but it was something. I know you'll be okay Judith. You're my girl, my love, my wife, forever. I love you."
Judith buried her face into Tony's neck, and then their daughters ran over, grabbing on to their father's legs. Tony picked each girl up, kissing them on the forehead and hugging them tightly. He told them that he loved them, and that he had to go now, but he would always be with them whenever they needed him. When he was done saying his goodbyes, he returned his girls into the waiting arms of Michonne and Kaleb.
"I'm gonna go into the woods. I just need a gun" he said softly to his wife.
"You're not going to do this by yourself" Judith said stubbornly.
"Judith…"
"I'm not leaving you to do this by yourself!" she said again. "We're going together. We're going to do this together. I have to… be there with you. I have to do this for you after everything you've done for me."
"I can come" Michonne offered. "I can help."
Judith nodded at her mother, knowing that she might need support. Judith had never seen anyone actually die, especially not a loved one. Michonne took one of Tony's shoulders, and Judith took another, and the two women helped him into the woods away from the rest of the family. The women walked until they could no longer hear Tabitha and Selena's crying.
"This is good, right here" Tony said, pointing to a tree that was by itself in a clearing. The women helped him limp painfully over to the tree and lower himself to a comfortable position. Judith squatted next to him as he looked around the clearing.
"This is a nice final resting place, don't you think?" Tony asked, talking more to himself than anyone else. He looked up at the two women who wore haggard faces.
"I'm okay, I promise" he said, trying to convince them. "I just... need the gun" he said to Michonne. Michonne nodded and slowly took her gun from its holster, handing it to Tony handle first.
He took the gun and looked down at it, admiring its handiwork. His hands shook as what he was about to do hit him. He looked up at Judith again.
"I want your face to be the last thing I see, but I don't want you to see this" he said to Judith. "I love you, but go on with your mom. Don't worry about burying me, I'll be okay here. It's peaceful and quiet, and... it's kind of nice. I can't do this with you looking at me, I can't hurt you more."
"For once, Tony, stop worrying about me. Let me do this for you. You've done so much for me and the girls, let me make this easier for you. Please? I can handle this, I can do this" Judith begged.
Tony opened his mouth to protest once again, but realized in his final few moments, that this was about him. Judith was trying to help him, and it was okay to accept her help.
He nodded slightly and relaxed against the tree, raised his arm, and offered the gun to her.
Judith took a breath and took the gun from Tony, staring into his eyes. "I love you. I'll always be with you" Tony said.
"I love you too, and thank you for everything" Judith uttered, her grief-stricken voice coming out as a mere whisper.
Tony, using his last few words to watch out for Judith again, said "don't look baby" before closing his eyes and awaiting his fate. Judith blinked back tears as she pointed the gun at her husband's head. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Michonne's pained look as she watched her daughter do the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. Judith clicked the safety off the gun, and used two hands to steady her shaking arms.
She let out a sob just before she squeezed the trigger, the gunshot echoing through the quiet forest.
She froze for a moment, not knowing what to do. Her hand was locked into place, pointed at her husband who was no longer breathing. Judith's mouth gaped open when she looked at what her husband's head had become. She let out a scream that pierced through the forest.
Michonne quickly came up behind Judith and placed her arms around her waist, hugging her from behind. "It's okay, it's okay, Judy. Come on now, put the gun down, just give it to me" Michonne said softly into Judith's ear. Judith's muscles seemed unable to move. She stayed frozen in the same spot, still staring at her husband in horror. Michonne gently reached for the gun and took it from Judith's hands. She put the safety on and returned it to her gun belt. She then turned Judith around to face her, grabbing her face so that she looked into Michonne's eyes.
"It's okay honey, it's okay" Michonne reassured her, "It was what he wanted. You helped him."
Judith closed her eyes and sobbed, her whole body bending forward so her hands were resting on her knees.
"It's okay" Michonne said again, rubbing her daughter's back. "Let's go. That isn't him anymore. He's not here anymore."
Michonne wrapped her arms around Judith, and guided her back to the group who were waiting on the road. Rick had Tabitha in his arms, rocking the crying child back and forth, as Carl did the same for Selena. Collin was trying to offer any comfort he could, rubbing the bottom of Selena's foot with one hand, and rubbing her back with another. Kaleb was pacing back and forth in front of the wagon with his hands resting on the top of his head, and Akisho was inside the wagon with her knees pressed up to her chest. It seemed the entire family had heard the gunshot and the scream.
When Michonne and Judith reappeared from the woods, everyone's heads shot up. Tabitha wiggled from Rick's arms and ran to her mother in a fit of grief, running at her so hard she knocked Judith over. Judith fell backwards on to her butt, but managed to hold on to her daughter, and the two of them wept loudly in a heartbreaking chorus. Carl put Selena down and she ran over to her mother and sister as well, as they cried together in a group hug of sadness.
XXXXXXXXXX
A day and a half later, the family was a few miles away from the lake, with dwindling water supplies, and a heavy heart. Judith had barely eaten or spoken since Tony's death. The only thing she would respond to was her daughters, and the only time she'd eat was when someone reminded her she was pregnant.
Michonne knew very well what grief could do to someone. The loss of her boyfriend Mike was tragic, and she'd loved that man deeply, but the loss of her son, Andre, destroyed her. It destroyed all the light she had inside of her, all of her dreams, and aspirations, and hopes. It destroyed her future, and for a long time she truly believed that there was none. But even she was able to come back from that broken state, and Judith had more to live for than Michonne had had. She watched her daughter stare blankly ahead, sitting atop Peppermint the pony, as Selena sat on Judith's lap, facing backwards so that she could take a nap against her mother's chest. Michonne knew the despair that Judith was feeling, and she also knew by the way her daughter had stepped up to end her love's suffering that Judith could make it through this.
Rick stopped the group when they were close to the lake, and moved everyone into the bushes.
"We don't know what we're walkin' into" he explained. "We need to scout out the area first, see if there are any people around, what they're up to, and if the lake is the place we've been lookin' for. Carl and I can go, we'll split up, circle the entire lake, get as much intel as we can, and come back. We should be back by dusk."
"I'm coming" Kaleb stated. "With three people you can get the search done much faster."
"Me too, Mr. Grimes" Akisho added. "I can be very quiet, and I climb trees. I can get you lots of surveillance."
"It's just gonna be me and Carl…" Rick started, but Kaleb cut him off.
"You said you were giving us adult responsibilities. That includes this" Kaleb demanded. "Dad, we're not kids. We can do it."
Rick looked at Carl who shrugged.
"Fine, but if he comes, he's staying with you."
XXXXXXXXXX
Both Kaleb and Akisho trailed behind Rick as they approached the large wooded area which led to the lake. The trees were so thick they could barely see ahead of them.
'This would be the perfect place for cover' Rick thought, 'or attack.' He gestured for the teens to stay close behind him as they crept forwards. When Akisho saw a large Willow tree, she pointed and gestured to Rick.
"I can climb that. I can get up there and tell you what I can see, and the branches will hide me from being spotted" she whispered.
"You sure?" Rick asked, looking upwards at the tree that rose into the sky.
"Yep" Akisho said with a bounce, and she turned and headed towards the tree, her black hair swinging behind her. Kaleb jogged after her like a puppy, and watched as she surveyed the tree for a good hand and foot hold.
"Here, I can boost you" Kaleb offered, reaching down and cupping his hands to await her foot.
"Thanks babes, but I'm a pro" Akisho bragged, as she took a running jump and leaped to her first handhold, high above her head. She then wrapped her legs around the tree trunk, and shimmied herself up higher until she could hold on to a steady branch.
"You weren't kidding" Kaleb nodded in admiration. Akisho pushed, shimmied, and climbed her way higher up the tree, while Kaleb and Rick took watch underneath. When she got to the higher branches, the leaves thinned out, and she could see into the distance. The tan landscape stretched out in all directions, and she searched the horizon for anything interesting. And then, she spotted it. The landscape of foliage suddenly stopped and gave way to a large gap in the trees, and right in the middle of the gap, was the lake.
"I think I see it!" Akisho yelled downwards, so ecstatic that she forgot about keeping a low profile. She caught herself just as she yelled, and looked down at the men sheepishly. She climbed slightly higher to get a better view of the lake, and what she saw chilled her to the bone. She couldn't spot any water. It was just dirt and mud. The lake was dry.