Michonne sat in the wagon that their family still used as a look out post, with her katana in her lap, and her elbows on her knees. Although Washington Caverns had its own security detail that kept a look out for Walkers, the Grimes' didn't leave their safety up to just anyone. She had volunteered for first watch because she couldn't sleep, and she really just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. She hadn't had a chance to truly think since she discovered that Andre had been alive all along. She couldn't believe that she had actually eaten dinner with her son and his wife, and her granddaughter. And the most painful realization of it all was that Andre didn't know her anymore.
In all the scenarios of what would happen if she ever happened to see him again, even when she thought he was dead, him not knowing her was something she'd never considered. It hurt more than anything else. Of course he didn't remember her, he was only three. She had changed, and so had he. But how had he survived all of those years? How did he survive the attack on the camp? She'd looked everywhere. She'd done everything she could to find him.
Michonne continued to stare into the dark night, her mind occupied with her thoughts. She couldn't bring herself to tell him at his house. She had gone back to the table and sat down, trying to listen to what was being said. Trying not to stare. Trying to act like her whole world hadn't been turned upside down, but she was barely blinking, and she certainly wasn't fooling Rick and Carl. Judith and Kaleb stared at her at the table as well. Gabrielle asked her twice if she was okay, to the point where Michonne had to make up an excuse that she was getting a migraine.
"Who do I have to kill?" Rick asked, his deep voice startling Michonne and making her instinctively go for her katana.
"Woah" Rick said, raising his hands before climbing up on the wagon beside her. "Sorry, I thought you heard me coming, you always do."
"I guess I was daydreaming" Michonne replied softly, relaxing her grip on her weapon. Rick gave Michonne a concerned look before placing his hand on her shoulder, rubbing her shoulder with his thumb.
"You've been acting strange since dinner. Since you saw Double A. What is it?" he asked, cutting to the chase.
Michonne felt a lump in her throat. She swallowed, but it still didn't go anywhere.
"Did he say somethin'? Do somethin'?" Rick asked, his voice rising in pitch as he got more concerned.
"N-no" Michonne stuttered. She cleared her throat and slowly rubbed her palms down her jeans, but she didn't say anything.
"So, what is it?" Rick asked.
"He… he's…" Michonne's brain wanted to say the words, but her mouth wasn't cooperating. She blinked rapidly, and her mouth opened and closed.
When Rick saw she was having difficulty getting her words out, he placed both hands on her face, and turned her head to face him, looking into her eyes.
"What is it, Michonne?" he asked softly, begging her to speak to him, "what is-".
"He's my son!" Michonne blurted out quickly and all together, as if a dam in her mouth had just broken, and all the words came tumbling out at once. When the words left her mouth, Michonne's eyes widened and her hand rose to cover her mouth. Saying it out loud made it real.
"He's my son" Michonne said again, more slowly this time. "He's… Andre."
Rick continued to stare at Michonne, wondering for a split second if what she was saying was a joke, but he could tell she was dead serious.
"How?" he asked. "Michonne… you told me Andre was…"
"I thought he was. I… I thought he was. I saw blood on his jacket. I found his shoes. I thought I came too late and he… I thought he just got up and walked away." Tears exploded from Michonne's eyes and she let out a moan as she clutched her abdomen, holding herself as she rocked back and forth. "At dinner I saw his picture, from when he was younger, and I just knew. He was alive all this time. He needed me, and I wasn't there, again. I didn't find him. Oh God… I gave up too soon."
Rick placed his gun in its holster and pressed Michonne against his chest. Her head was buried in his chest, and she melted into his arms, sobs shaking her body so hard that it shook him as well. Rick placed a hand against her back, and the other against the back of her neck, slowly rubbing her as she cried.
"You couldn't've known. You did everything you could do with what you knew. Michonne, you did everything you could."
"My baby was still alive, and he grew up without me. I wasn't there for all the milestones in his life. He grew up calling another woman mommy, and it was because I didn't find him. I promised…" Michonne choked up on her words as the scene played through her head. "Before I left, I promised I'd be back soon. I promised him Rick, and I…"
Michonne couldn't finish her sentence, she was crying so hard. Rick didn't know quite what to say. He thought back to when he thought Judith was dead, and how devastated he was. Luckily, he only believed that for a few days because Tyrese and Carol had saved her and reunited them. But he didn't know how he'd react if he thought Judith was dead for twenty years and then suddenly came upon her as an adult. Michonne's despair was justified. He knew the only reason she was able to move past Andre was she honestly believed he died. Knowing Michonne, if she had an inkling he was still alive she would've looked for him for the rest of her life, even until she died.
"It's okay honey" Rick said, continuing to rub her back. "It's okay, let it all out. There you go."
Rick let Michonne cry, knowing she had been holding in all of these emotions since dinner. When the tears slowed down, Rick released Michonne and held her hand. "Does he know?" Rick asked.
"No. He doesn't know me anymore" Michonne said, her voice shaking.
"Are you going to tell him?" Rick asked.
"I don't know" Michonne responded. "I don't know if he wants to know. He seems so happy, the people who raised him did a good job. I don't want to ruin that. I don't want to turn his world upside down like mine was. What if he doesn't want to know me? What if he hates me? I couldn't deal with that. It would be like losing him again."
"I wouldn't tell you what to do Michonne. It's not my place. But… if that were Judith, or Kaleb, I think they would deserve to know that they were loved. That they weren't abandoned and they're not orphans. He deserves to have you as a mother, 'cuz you're a great mother. He deserves to know you. And Kaleb... God, Kaleb deserves to know him. That's his brother."
Michonne shook her head and looked at Rick again. "I don't know where to even begin" she admitted with a shrug.
"Just start from the beginning. Tell him the truth. Tell him what happened. There may be some things he remembers. I'm sure there's some answers you can give him about his past."
"I feel like I've been waiting for this day since the last time I saw him. The day I get to see Andre again. I've asked God for this so many times. And now that it's here, now that I can get up and walk up to his door, and talk to him, and see him, and smell him, and touch him… now I'm chickening out."
"Michonne, there is no handbook for this. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your situation, but I know you'll decide to do what's best because you always do. Just… just sleep on this. You don't have to decide what to do right now."
Michonne nodded and squeezed Rick's hand, turning to look at him with a sad smile. "Okay. I will."
XXXXXXXXXX
The next morning, Carl and Judith took their children to get checked out by Washington Caverns doctor, who resided in the campus' first aid facility. After the visit, Carl stopped by to tell Michonne what was said, while Judith took the three youngsters to eat lunch.
"Dr. Kellman said the kids are healthy, but they're a little shorter than the growth curve for their ages. She said she hasn't come across a kid born after the apocalypse who wasn't. I guess because of the lack of food options and variety and vitamins. She said they need to stay out of the sun for a while because of their sunburns, and drink plenty of water. She sent home some kind of poultice she made that's supposed to soothe their skin, but besides all that they're good."
"That's great" Michonne said nodding, "good to hear. I'm sure Akisho can use some of that, she got pretty burned too. What did she say about Judith?"
"Well, she took Judith's blood pressure and said it was a little high, and told her she needed to drink more water. And then she listened to the baby's heartbeat with a stethoscope. She let us all hear, it was really strong. The little guy seems to be doing just fine in there."
"That's great! Did she find out if it's a boy?" Michonne asked.
"No, but Judith has been calling it him. She said Tony thought it was a boy, so why not?"
"So besides that, Judith and the baby are healthy?" Michonne asked.
"Yea, Dr. Kellman just said she needs to monitor Judith's blood pressure to make sure it stays in a healthy range. She also thought that I was the baby's daddy, which was all sorts of awkward" Carl said with a chuckle.
Michonne smiled briefly, but that smile faded away within seconds. Carl noticed immediately and then squinted his eye. "Mom, what's the matter?" He asked.
Michonne pinched her lips together and looked away for a few seconds. She then sucked in a breath and looked at Carl. "I found Andre" she said.
Carls face went through a quick succession of emotions. Confusion, to recognition, to horror. His eyes widened, his mind immediately thinking she found the decomposed walker body of her dead son.
"He's alive. After... everything" Michonne explained.
"What!?" Carl gasped, his hand flying to his mouth. "How? Where is he?"
"Double A" Michonne said.
Carl's mouth dropped open and hung there for a few seconds. It took him a while to fully process Michonne's words.
"No wonder you were... that explains dinner" he said almost to himself. "Did he miss you? Did... did he tell you what happened to him? How is he alive?" he asked.
"I... haven't told him yet" Michonne said. "I don't know if I should."
"What!?" Carl said loudly. "What do you mean you're not gonna tell him? You have to! He has to know that his mom is here, that you survived too!"
"Carl, he had parents. He had a life that I know nothing about..."
"That's why you have to tell him! You have to find out about him too! You want to, I know you do. I... I know how much you were hurting when I first met you, when you thought he was dead. Now that you know he's alive, how can you not want to know about him?"
"Of course I want to know about him Carl, of course I do. I just..."
"You're just afraid" Carl said, almost as a challenge to Michonne. "You're afraid of telling him."
"I am" Michonne admitted, without a fight.
Carl was stunned into silence for a moment. "He should get to know his mom. If he's a jerk, and he doesn't want to know you, at least it's on him, not on you. Mom, its Andre! Remember when I told you that I hoped Judith and Andre were together somewhere? Well they are now, they're here! Judith was alive, and Andre was too. When does that ever happen? When do we ever get second chances like that?"
Carl crouched down in front of Michonne so that he was eye level with her. "You will never forgive yourself if you don't tell him."
A tear ran down Michonne's cheek. "I know" she replied. "You're right. I know you are. Just, do me a favor?" she asked.
"What?" Carl asked.
"Don't tell Kaleb. Let me tell him, after I speak to Andre."
"Yea, okay" Carl said with a nod. He then smirked. "Now I know why Kaleb and Double A have taken to each other so fast."
"They have?" Michonne asked. She knew her youngest son was spending a lot of time in the fields, but she didn't realize he was hanging out with Double A while there, and she wasn't completely paying attention during dinner.
"Kaleb has been teaching Double A about gardening. I overheard him asking Kaleb to stay here and be a manager. Even if we leave."
Michonne's brow crinkled. "What did Kaleb say?"
"He said he'd think about it. But I told Double A that Kaleb was leaving with us and for him to back off". Michonne was quiet as her mind began to turn.
"I thought he had some nerve asking a kid something like that. Like we're gonna leave Kaleb here to live by himself" Carl said with a scoff. Michonne gave Carl a look. "What?" he asked.
"Not that I don't totally agree with what you just said, but may I remind you of the argument you had with your father at Kaleb's same age, when you insisted you were man enough to get married?" Michonne said with a tilt of her head.
Carl's face reddened. "That was different! I was way more mature than Kaleb is, and I knew what I was doing. We don't know these people. I mean, Andre is your son but... leaving Kaleb behind, here? Would you do that?" He asked.
"No" Michonne said. "No, I would never leave Kaleb behind, but I'll let him think about it for a little while. Let's see what decision he comes to."
Carl shrugged his shoulders and then rubbed his rapidly growing beard. "Wow. I can't believe Double A is Andre. Does dad know? Judith?"
"Your dad knows but Judith doesn't. I never told her about him. And... just... let me see how it goes before I do. Okay?" Michonne asked.
"Yea, of course" Carl said, "your secret is safe with me, remember?"
Michonne smiled and ran her hand down the side of Carl's face. "Yea, I remember" she said with a smile.
Carl stood up and turned to make his way out of Michonne's tent, but he quickly spun around again. "Oh, do me a favor and don't ever tell Collin I got married at sixteen, okay? I did some crazy stuff that I don't want him repeating."
Michonne laughed loudly, showing her still perfectly white teeth.
"Seriously!" Carl said, "sometimes I wonder how you guys slept at night with the crazy stuff I did. I don't think I could handle it if he turned out like me."
"Well, considering Enid had a knack for climbing fences, you'd better keep an eye on him" Michonne laughed. Leave it to Carl to totally improve her mood. She waved goodbye as her eldest son left, and her mind once again turned to her firstborn.
As much as she was terrified and nervous, she was hopeful. Maybe, just maybe, she could get her Andre back.
Xxxxxxxxxx
Michonne hesitated in front of the gift shop steps. Inside, was her long lost son, and she had finally decided to tell him. She hadn't been this nervous since the apocalypse began. Not even while kneeling in front of Negan's bat.
Carl and Rick had both offered to go with her for moral support, but she had decided that it would be best for her to tell Andre one on one. She didn't want him to feel threatened or outnumbered.
She shook out her hands to shake off her nervousness, pushed her shoulders back to give off an air of confidence, and climbed up the stairs. At the top she gave two quick knocks on the door. A few seconds later, Gabrielle answered, carrying Monique in her arms.
"Michonne! Hi!" She said, obviously surprised. "What can I do for you? Is everything okay?"
Michonne eyed Monique who was awake and happily chewing on her pointer finger, and her heart melted. The girl had her father's almond shaped eyes. Her eyes.
She had to physically force herself to look at Gabrielle again.
"Yes, everything is fine. I um... I just wanted to talk to Double A for a moment. If that's okay."
"Yea sure" Gabrielle said, opening the door further, "come on in."
Remembering Double A's mother's rules, Michonne removed her boots and entered the bare entrance way of the house.
"Wait here, I'll go get him" Gabrielle said before turning and disappearing into another room. As soon as Gabrielle was out of sight, Michonne let out a deep breath and began to pace. She had gone through what she would say, over and over in her head. She had played out this conversation with Andre so many times already, but now that she was here, her mind was blank. She'd forgotten everything she had practiced. She had forgotten all the things she'd wanted to say.
Get it together Michonne. You've only got one shot here, and he already thinks you're crazy.
She took another breath and stopped pacing just when Double A entered the room.
He had a big smile on his face. A smile that was all Mike's. From the nose down, he was his father's son, and the sudden realization of that sent a pang of recognition through Michonne. But, she couldn't start staring again.
"Hey Michonne, good to see you again" he said, "what can I help you with?"
"Hey, um, I really need to talk to you about something important" she said, choosing her words wisely.
"Yea sure, what is it?" He asked, gesturing for her to sit on one of two chairs that were facing each other in the room while he sat in the other.
"I don't quite know how to say this" Michonne said, blinking rapidly. "I... I know why you looked so familiar."
"Um okay, why?" Double A asked, wrinkling his brow. Michonne fidgeted slightly in her seat.
"I know you, or... I knew you. From before."
"Before?" He asked, tilting his head to the side. "Before what?"
"Before you lived here" Michonne said. She could see Double A was becoming more confused, so she tried to change tactics.
"When all of this first happened, when the dead began walking around, I had a three year old son who I loved very much. The camp that we were staying in got attacked by walkers when I wasn't there, and when I came back, his father was dying and... my son... I thought he was dead."
Double A nodded slightly, not knowing where Michonne was going with this story.
"My son, his name was Andre Anthony."
Double A's brow furrowed more deeply as Michonne gazed at him, her eyes pleading with him to understand. Double A remained silent for a full minute, and Michonne was torn between explaining herself further and letting him sort out his emotions.
"Who told you that name?" He asked. "Did Kaleb tell you?"
"Kaleb?" Michonne asked, confused.
"Did Kaleb tell you what my name is?" He asked again.
"No, I haven't spoken to Kaleb about this. He knows your name?"
"What is this? What are you trying to say? That I'm your long lost son? Is this some kind of joke?" Double A asked, his voice beginning to rise.
"No, this isn't a joke!" Michonne replied. "André, I'm your mother. I had a feeling it was you once I saw you in person, but I knew for sure once I saw that photograph of you. I'm sure you are my son."
"Look Michonne, I don't know what this is, but I need you to leave right now" Double A said, rising to his feet.
"Andre, please, just listen..." Michonne began, but he blew past her and opened the door.
"My name is Double A, and you can leave now" he said, not even looking at her.
Michonne stared at him, not understanding how everything had gone so horribly wrong. Seeing that he wasn't going to change his mind, she slowly got to her feet. She walked towards the door as he stared out of it stoically. Once she reached him, she turned to face him one last time.
"Andre... Double A, I'm telling you the truth. It wasn't easy for me to say this to you, and I can't imagine... I can't imagine what you're going through. But... I just have to tell you..." Tears came to Michonne's eyes as she looked at her grown son, who still refused to look back at her.
"I have to tell you that I've loved you since before you were born. That hasn't changed and it never will. I'm so sorry about everything. I just had to let you know that I love you, Peanut."
When Double A refused to look in her direction, Michonne took the hint and stepped over the threshold onto the porch.
The sound of the door closing behind her broke her heart. She quickly shoved her feet into her boots and made her way down the stairs, the tears already welling up in her eyes so that she could barely see where she was going. She made it to what felt like a tree to her fingertips, before she broke down, her son's rejection cutting deeper than a knife. She sobbed and cried for ten minutes straight, using the tree to block her from view, until she was able to get herself together. She wiped her eyes and cheeks trying to hide the devastation in her heart, and made her way back to the tent she shared with Rick.
Once Double A closed the door on Michonne, he leaned back against it, in shock at what the woman had said. She said she was his mother. His mother! She had to be lying. His mother was dead, she had died a year ago. And the woman who gave birth to him? She had to be dead too. She just had to be. There was no way in this world that things like this happened. People you lost, they didn't come back. At least not like this. He rested the back of his head against the door and it made a thud. She had to have learned his name from Kaleb. She had to. That was it he thought, nodding to himself. She was trying to run some scam on him, but he wasn't going to fall for it. But one thing didn't sit well in his head. There was something that he couldn't write off as a scam. She had said something that made chills go down his spine. She had called him Peanut.
Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews and support, it is truly encouraging. I appreciate reader feedback so please keep the reviews coming, and maybe even your predictions of what you think will happen next! I'd love to hear from you!
~can08writer