AN:
After this chapter, you have all the right to hate me. I hate myself too for having written this gloomy chapter, but I had to keep the drama going otherwise it would be over too quickly. But don't worry, there won't take as much time as it did before to something happen with them again
Monica supported herself in the bathroom sink while fresh tears rolled down her face. It had all been too much and she needed to get out of her kitchen as fast as she could. She needed to be away from him to stop the whirl she felt in her mind. When she ran out of tears, Monica looked up at her reflection in the small bathroom mirror. Her puffy and red eyes locked on her lips and she brushed her fingers against them, remembering the kiss moments before.
Her finger lingered at her bottom lip as she remembered the feeling of Chandler's sweet lips on hers. She had daydreamed about that moment countless times in the past two weeks but she never imaged it would be as perfect as it had been. Even just the memory of it, the remaining ghost of his touch, made her mind feel hazy and the butterflies do somersaults in her stomach.
Her hand dropped down abruptly to her sides. Oh, if he knew he was the reason behind the tears that streamed down her face. Yes, she felt bad about her date, but the words he said to her while he stroked her hair were the real reason behind her tears. Because that was the moment she knew she'd lost her chance and that he belonged to another woman. If he showed that caring and sensitive side of him to his new girlfriend, the girl would be a fool to let him go.
In just those last few minutes, a wave of emotions had crashed through her. First, the disappointment in hearing that his relationship was going perfectly, then the safety she felt being held in his arms with her face buried in his shirt, and next, the way his eyes had glued to her own as if he was also caught by the invisible force that pushed them together. She had almost begged him to kiss her but words were needed because he understood the silent pleading in her eyes.
Before escaping to the bathroom, she had almost let her true feeling slip out of her mouth. She felt an urge to tell him that since that night she could only think about him, that she started to have not so innocent dreams about him after the girls' night and that she had been desperately wishing for him to kiss her. She wanted to tell him that it was him who was on her mind 24/7. But she couldn't. He was in a happy relationship and it would not be fair to him. He had just wanted to comfort her and she wouldn't let her feelings meddle in their friendship or his relationship.
She splashed some cold water on her face, trying to hide any signs she had been crying again, and closed the door behind her, ready to face Chandler if he wanted to talk about what happened. Instead, when she entered the kitchen, Rachel was already preparing her coffee and god bless, Chandler was talking to her as if that was just another normal Saturday morning.
Chandler groan to himself, trying to get the thoughts out of his hand. He took a gulp of his strong coffee, the second one that morning. He knew that the excess caffeine wasn't helping his racing mind, but he needed the drink to keep him awake through the day ahead since the previous night, sleep hadn't come his way.
He had spent all the previous day and most of the night reconsidering his thoughts. What if he had been wrong all that time? What if Monica did have mutual feelings for him? The thought hadn't occurred to him immediately. He had spent the previous day worried about kissing her, consumed with guilt for having taken advantage of Monica's vulnerable state.
But then, there was something that made him deep down know that it hadn't been just a kiss. Yes, it had been amazing, breath-taking even, but there had also been something in the way she kissed him back that made him know it was impossible she didn't feel something for him. It had been the glow in her eyes, silently pleading him to kiss her, or maybe the way she pulled him closer as if she too didn't want to let go of him.
The little sleep he had, had been haunted by dreams of her, more concretely of her with him. They were happy together, holding hands in the park in plain sight of everyone. He would call her his girlfriend and she would smile at him before placing her perfect lips on his. Oh, that smile. She was the most gorgeous woman he knew, beautiful inside and out, but that smile… That smile was his weakness and he would do anything to be the reason behind it because to him, it made her look even more beautiful.
He considered confessing his feeling to her. Let out of his chest that she was on his mind 24/7 and he had desperately wanted to kiss her since he could remember. He knew they would be great together and that she would make him happy, more than any other woman, even Hannah. And hopefully, she would confess that she too couldn't sleep thinking about him and he would hold her and kiss her all he wanted while making love to her all night long.
However, his self-doubt won over his thoughts. He was Chandler, and she was Monica. They were best friends and worked great together as such. But would a relationship between them work out? She was perfect in every sense and could get any guy she wanted, one that deserved her, and him, he was awkward, relationship-wise, and would probably do some stupid thing that would ruin the relationship. If that happened would their friendship survive? Probably not and if they did manage to solve their broken relationship, their friendship would not be the same.
Moreover, what if he was wrong about being wrong and Monica did not have feelings for him? If he went to her and confessed his one-sided feelings for her, how would she react? She would probably want distance from him like he thought he felt that night and then they would have to talk about it and things between them would be awkward.
No, her friendship between them was too precious for him to gamble, even if the prize was the woman of his dreams. Whether she returned his feelings or not, their friendship would probably end up destroyed and he could not stand the thought of not having Monica in his life or having her but in a bitter-sweet way. If she did have feelings for him, he would wait for her to confess them to know that she was sure she wanted to take the risk that scared him like nothing else.