Detestation

Intro: Song two! Yay! This is my fourth stranded fic revolving around KuroFai. Everything is so nice and clean nowadays. (smiles) The song is fabulous, by the way. I lurve it. The first was kind of fluffy so this is angsty. Next will be angsty fluff. Make sense? (laughs)

A/N: A new world, a new fic.

Song: Blue October – 'Hate Me' (Explicit Lyrics)


Fai was drunk – again. Of course, Kurogane was the one taking care of him – as always. The final factor, that name, was at fault – once more.

-O-

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space.

-O-

Fai released, groveling down in pain. What goes in must come out and what goes down must come up. The alcohol – a thick, sweet, purple liquid – called, 'Retz,' was the choice drink in this world. Thus it was simple to obtain.

Around mid-day, that name showed up. Though it was yet another duplicate, it still sent chills up Fai's spine. That name – Ashura – was at fault for absolutely everything.

-O-

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

-O-

Finally, he calmed down. Golden locks limply hung in the air, supported by the muscular male's hand. There Fai lay – in one arm of Kurogane and his blonde bangs pulled back by the ninja' other.

Kurogane finally sat down, holding the flaxen man in his arms. Leaning on the wall, he caressed the other man's strands of hair. With a free hand, he dampened a cloth, cooling down the blonde's forehead.

Fai was burning up. His head was hot and hard to hold. What made things worse was the fact he could do nothing except sit softly, cradled in Kurogane's hands.

-O-

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

-O-

They sat there for awhile in the sterile white room. Fai's eyes were hazy, almost asleep.

"Damn, Fai! And I thought you were getting better!" Kurogane yelled in anger.

"I'm… sorry," the pale man chocked out, closing his eyes. "I don't know why… I even do this. Putting you through this… I wish it would all end. If I died, I wouldn't have to inconvenience you like this…"

"Shut up! You're so stupid!" the ninja said, holding the limp body tenderly. "If you died… I don't know what I would do. I'd go crazy!"

Fai smiled weakly. "I'm so sorry."

-O-

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

-O-

"Kuro-Chun," the blonde started, grasping his hand onto his boyfriend's shirt, "why do you do this? Does it make you happy?"

Kurogane snorted. "Hell no."

Eyes glistening like the sea clenched shut. "Then why?"

The ninja smiled weakly, embracing the mage even tighter. "Why? Because… I love you."

-O-

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

-O-

Fai nodded humbly. "Thank you, Kuro-Ning."

Kurogane was taken aback. "…What?"

"I never really took the time to thank you," the flaxen skin quirked a weak smile, "I always took you for granted… so thanks."

"You don't need to thank me," the brunette growled, flexing his grasp on the wizard, "If I don't take care of you, who will?"

Fai's smile drifted away. "No one."

-O-

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

-O-

'Hate me,' they were two words. That was the most simplistic way to break it down. Though a speech could be formed and elaborated, it was only two little words – one phrase.

Hate was a way to convey one's feelings in a brand new caliber. There were numerous synonyms, just to cut the harsh reality of the meaning. Hate was the absolute worse thing one could imagine – a sin within itself.

Yet that was all Fai could think of. Hate, hate, hate, and more hate.

-O-

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

-O-

"We need space. You shouldn't love me, Kuro-Tan. You…" the mage started, almost crying at his pathetic behavior, "deserve so much better. Just hate me and leave me alone. Go away so you can do what you want. You could do what's better… for you."

Kuroganefrowned,inhaling the golden locks' scent. "You're so wrong."

-O-

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

-O-

"Hate isn't the opposite of love," Kurogane explained, "The opposite of love is indifference. If I hate you, that means I still care."

"It's so difficult for you… If only you could forget about me forever," Fai said as he drifted into his dream world.

"I know. It's hard to do the right thing yet so easy to do the wrong. But even if I did hate you…" he started, strumming his finger through the other's hair. Kurogane sighed, exhaling, "it means I still have enough patience to correct you."

Kurogane clenched the limp body, kissing him lightly. Somewhere, deep inside, he wanted to be selfish. He wanted to yell at the blonde and push him further than the other was willing to go. But then again, his only selfish desire was to obtain Fai's affection.


Afterthoughts: This song is too dark for the fic… methinks. Otay! Anyhow, I'm really bored nowadays. I prolly shouldn't say that when I still have lots of fic to write… I think I'm going to take a little break around May. Oh well, that's my uber-long time planning for you.