Fissure Fetter
Intro: -MUSIC: Bare Naked Ladies, 'One Week'- Doesn't the title just roll off your tongue? (smiles) Okay, I feel better about this fic. My pride has been returned. On another note, I hope to incorporate more cameos by Mokona and SxS. I realized that I barely have any fics that include sub-roles by them… There's always a reason they're not around. (sweat drop)
A/N: Notes… Notes… I didn't write the whole song in... Yeah. Sorry for the lovers of this song. The tension was too high to cut it off...
Song: Macy Gray - 'I Try'
Games, changes, and fears...
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we're not
-O-
Fai never smiled.
Kurogane always wondered how a person could smile without smiling.
He wondered how a person could smile on the outside while crying on the inside.
That's why Kurogane resolved to make Fai smile.
He wanted a peek at Fai's box just to see why Fai was Fai.
He wanted to know how to smile without smiling.
If he knew how to smile, then he could fix Fai.
-O-
I play it off but I'm dreamin' of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin'
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not
near...
-O-
This world was a snowland. Each tree-top was covered in a thick blanket of snow. White powder sank two feet into the ground when stepped on. Tiny snowflakes floated about, falling each individually, one at a time.
Since Syaoran's main cause was to protect Sakura and retrieve her feathers, the boy had left earlier to do so. After finding a cabin, Fai and Kurogane dropped the princess off to set off. Their co-ordinates – the little puppy and the white manjuu – were missing. Fai dubbed their conquest, 'to find a white puppy.'
Of course, nothing actually goes as planned. Fai, after the fifth mile or so, tripped on the snow saying, "It's too thick! I can't walk. Carry me, please, Kuro-Chu?"
The ninja left him cold in the snow, hoping the mage would be caught in a blizzard storm and frozen to death. After all, Fai had walked this far already. A little bit longer would be no strain. In a pout, Fai whined, quickly catching up to the other. Kurogane heard a sigh escape from Fai.
After about ten minutes in the mundane silence, Fai took the initiative to keep himself amused. In order to do so, the sly male found it necessary to throw enlarged snowballs at Kurogane simultaneously.
Enraged and pissed, Kurogane patience deteriorated. He quickly grabbed a heap of snow and lifted it above his head. Fai chucked another at the big puppy smack in the face. During the collision, Kurogane's arms relapsed, dropping the snow heap on himself.
The flaxen laughed. Kurogane was just too cute! He strolled over to the black lump elegantly. Twirling about, he finally squatted down, hovering above the beat man. Slender fingers brushed snow off of Kurogane's face. Light flicks of his wrist eventually released the ninja's eyes and nose of their hold.
It was in no time that the mage made it to Kurogane's lips. On cue, the ninja's face flustered up, his heart racing. For some reason lately, he has been having strange, new, mixed feelings about Fai. His emotions and reasoning – both of which revolved Fai – never made any sense and always seemed to piss Kurogane off to no extent. Only the blonde could break someone down while keeping a muddy innocence.
Silence lingered in the air ten minutes or so. Fai finally broke the air in laughter, "Kuro-Uo! You're so silent! And red! Did you catch a fever? Or maybe Fai-Chan wore you out? Oh, I know! I drive you crazy! You're insanely in love with me you can't keep your head on!"
"How the Hell does that even add up?" Kurogane grunted, shaking both his feelings and the snow off.
Fai's laughter pierced the air again. He skipped ahead. A short pause later, he turned around to face the taller man who was staring at him blushing. For once, he smiled – without knowing it – truly.
"I really like you, Kuro-Tan," Fai sighed airily. Kurogane's heart skipped a beat – again – causing him to curse himself to the depths of Hell. "You're… a really good friend."
'A really good friend…' That was it? It couldn't be! After all the teasing… after all those suggestive comments… after the laughter, the smiles, the façade… this was it? 'A friend,' was all Kurogane was too Fai?
"A… friend."
Fai paused, eyes widening as if he had dropped his mask for a split second and blasphemed everything he had amounted to. His smiled faded into something more serious. Kurogane's voice was way too shaky, he noticed.
Backing away slowly, Fai commented dryly, "I really admire you, Kuro-Chan."
Kurogane laughed it off. Admiration, hate, jealousy, fear, joy, sorrow… it all summed up. He knew it all along. What more was the relationship supposed to be?
And yet… another idea hit Kurogane. It was ambiguous and uncertain, something beautiful and deadly. The thought itself was rather… absurd. It all made sense though.
Kurogane was in love with Fai.
"Oh shit."
"Kuro-Pon?" the blonde asked. He was pushing the line to its limit. Soon, the only thread he had ever prided himself in would break.
"It's not love. It never was, was it?" Kurogane asked. His heart was ripping itself up. If Fai didn't have the courage to crash something of his fault, then Kurogane would just have to take the matter up himself. "So what, I'm supposed to look like the love-sick fag?"
"You can't rationalize your emotions, Kuro-Yang," Fai stated. His next words were more a demand: "Once you do that, it all breaks. Once you think, 'it's love,' it all fades away."
"So what? What do you plan on doing about this?" Kurogane roared. His head was spinning. His heart was pumping. It was a release of something he didn't want.
Inside every person there is a locked box. Inside the box is all your hopes and dreams, but they are at the very bottom. At the top are all the things you don't want: fear, jealousy, hate, hurt, and despair among others. Kurogane had only opened the box once. Out came fear and hate – but now, the chains he had tightly locked his box up with were breaking. The fail-proof links shutting the miniscule item were collapsing into the abyss of nothing.
"What can I do? You haven't told me your story – not that I need to hear it to figure it out," Fai coldly stated, emotionless, "Can't you see? I'm rationalizing my emotions so you don't have to rationalize yours."
Fai didn't open his box ever. It was already open. His box had neither chains nor locks. He didn't need to close his box to know what was in there. His darkness was already released. The only thing left inside Fai's box was hope, joy, happiness, and love. But Fai was broken – far too broken to want to will that box open.
"You… I"
"Kurogane-San! Fai-San! Here you are!" Syaoran rushed in between the two men. "A-ah… Am I interrupting?"
"No," Fai chimed with a smile, "We were just discussing how Kuro-Chu never smiles."
-O-
Here is my confession:
May I be your possesion
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't
deny... Deny...
-O-
Kurogane never smiled.
Fai always wondered how a person could live without smiling.
He wondered how a person could live without humanity to baton it to others.
That's why Fai resolved to make Kurogane smile.
He wanted a peek at Kurogane's box just to see why Kurogane was Kurogane.
He wanted to know how to give someone humanity.
If he knew how to be human, then he could fix Kurogane.
-O-
I play it off but im dreamin' of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin'
I
try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though
I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near...
Afterthoughts: In a round-about way, it is fluffy angst (or is it?). Yayness for me! Please review. It makes my day.
