XI.
When Lilly awoke it was still dark – still in the middle of the night. She was alone in bed, like she usually was, but somehow that felt strange now. Then – as the sleepiness faded – she remembered; the trip down to the boat-house, the man in there, her being knocked unconscious and Danny having taken a short, involuntary bath in the Hudson River.
And then the rest of the evening.
That had been… she couldn't find a word that really fit.
Maybe surreal...
They had had sex – long, slow, passionate sex – and it had been as good as Lilly had expected it to be, better even, and yet… she didn't know what to think of it.
What she did know was the fact that it annoyed her she was alone in bed now. When she had fallen asleep before she had been lying in Danny's arms, enjoying how it made her feel safe and warm and wanted.
But he was gone now.
Or was he?
Hearing the sounds of somebody moving behind her Lilly turned over in bed. The room was dimly lit by the always shining city lights outside and Lilly could see the tall, slender silhouette moving around the room.
Danny.
He was already half clothed and was picking up the rest of his things from where they had landed on the ground earlier. Being busy he hadn't noticed Lilly being awake.
"That how you treat a woman? Lure her into bed and the leave, secretly, in the middle of the night?" Lilly asked.
Her voice sounded strange now, in this dark, silent room and it made Danny halt, obviously startled. After her eyes had adjusted to the darkness she could see him a lot better now. He was looking at her.
"Did I wake you up? I was going to leave a note…"
"A note? Saying 'Hi Lilly, thanks for the sex, see you at the office'; like that?"
Danny shrugged, hesitantly. "Maybe…" She heard never heard insecurity in his voice but it was definitely there now.
She didn't know what to say; there was a silence in the room that soon became very uncomfortable.
Eventually deciding that he probably owed her an explanation Danny finally said: "Listen, I just… I just didn't want you to get a wrong impression. This was a one-night-thing only."
"I know", Lilly said, before thinking about it.
Hell, she had known that, hadn't she?
The truth was she hadn't thought about it, yet. Not at all. The whole situation confused her and she didn't really know how she felt about it. All she did know was that she didn't want Danny to leave. She wanted him to spend the rest of the night with her, not yet caring about what the morning would bring.
She had known it was just a one-night-stand.
Hadn't she?
"Doesn't mean you have to leave", she whispered.
He stood in front of her, clad only in jeans, shirt not yet pulled on, and although there was not enough light to see it she knew he was eyeing her doubtfully.
"There's no reason you can't stay here until morning, and it doesn't mean I'll want you to spend the rest of your life with me", Lilly continued. "C'mon, you're tired and exhausted and you shouldn't have to drive all the way home now." She lifted the blanket a bit, fully aware of the fact that she was still completely naked, exposing her body to him. "Come on", she repeated, more persistently.
Finally he sighed and smiled. "Okay… never wanted to leave, anyway…" Moments later he slipped under the blanket beside her, still clad in his boxer-shorts, and moved close, pulling her naked body into a warm embrace. It made Lilly sigh, too.
Danny fell asleep quickly but she couldn't quite relax. Only she didn't know why. After all, she now had what she had wanted; he was lying beside her. She could feel him, smell him, could actually see him, as she stared at his arm, wrapped tightly around her waist.
Had she done the right thing? Maybe she should have just let him walk out, meet him in the office in the morning, ignoring the strange feeling that sexual encounter with him would have caused, and wrap that case up. Than she would have left New York – and him – behind and that would have been it.
Was she going to be able to do that now?
Sure – she had agreed on this being a one-night-stand. But why had she said it? The reason was; she had wanted him to stay. And why was that? Because she cared. Lilly had hardly ever had a one-night-stand before and – unlike her greedy sister – she also didn't believe in sex without love. But did that mean she loved Danny? No – how could that be possible if she hardly knew him?
The thoughts going on in her head made Lilly more and more awake. And she could no longer lie still. Carefully so she wouldn't wake Danny up she gently slipped out from under his arm. The movement making him stir, and for a moment she thought he was awake. But he just turned over to lie on his back, still fast asleep. For a while Lilly just stared at him, watching the rise and fall of his chest with every breath and the tiny movements in face; his mouth, nose, cheekbones… he looked so damn adorable like this; sleeping soundly.
When she was finally able to break away from the sight Lilly crawled to the edge of the bed, scanning the ground for her suitcase. Having found it she fished a t-shirt and some underwear from it and after pulling it on she decided to stop thinking and enjoy the rest of the night for as long as it lasted. Reaching for the blanket she covered them both then curled up against Danny's lean solid body, sighing as she felt him wrap his arm around her in his sleep.
………………
Danny woke up feeling miserable. He was in a strange bed in a strange room but that wasn't the reason for it since could very well remember how he got here. But he felt guilty for what had happened; him having used Lilly as a distraction from that mess his life had come to be.
She didn't deserve it.
Only he wasn't so sure if that was all she had been to him; a distraction. But he didn't feel ready to try and figure that out now.
He rubbed his eyes, noticing that for the first time in weeks the sun was shining and the sky was an innocent blue with no clouds at all. And another thing he noticed; he had totally overslept! It was almost eight a.m. and he was supposed to be in Jack's office by eight.
Damn it.
Reaching for his jeans he was going to look for his cell phone when he suddenly remembered. He had lost it in the water yesterday.
Damn it again!
Danny got up carefully, unsure if he should wake Lilly. He was a bit surprised she was still sleeping; she had seemed like the type who would never forget to set the alarm, but obviously he hadn't been the only one who had got distracted last night.
As he slipped into his clothes he couldn't help staring at Lilly the whole time, wondering what he was going to do. He hadn't wanted to hurt her and he knew he should have never let himself get carried away the way he did last night, but he couldn't turn back the time. And from the way she had reacted last night when he had wanted to leave he knew he had hurt her. So he had stayed, unsure if that was the right thing.
It had been nice, though.
And it had done him good that was for sure, but it didn't justify his behaviour. And he would at least explain it to her. After all, he would have to wake her up anyway, they still had work to do – and he would have to ask her if he could use her phone again.
She looked beautiful in sleep – fragile and sweet – and he couldn't help but smile when suddenly the word princess came to his mind again.
God – that seemed like a lifetime ago.
Thinking it now was completely different. The funny thing just was that two days ago he had really thought she was a woman he would never end up in bed with. Never.
Or had he?
Lilly was stirring and finally Danny pulled himself together and walked over to touch her shoulder lightly. It was enough to make her wake up. He noticed that was wearing a white t-shirt now; when had she put that on?
"Hey." Her sleepy voice sounded as sweet to him as she had looked.
"Hey…"
Silence.
C'mon, Taylor, you ain't got all day to stand here and stare at her.
"Listen… Lilly, I'm really sorry…"
"We spoke about it last night", she cut him off, her voice sounding much more awake and less sweet now.
"Yes, still… I just… uh… wanted to let you know… it's not because I don't want you… I mean… like you…"
Oh for fuck's sake, Taylor, stop stammering like this!
Pushing the blanket aside to get out of bed Lilly noticed the time as well and it surely didn't improve her mood. She looked very grumpy. Scowling at Danny she finally said: "Well, you made yourself very clear last night, so what's there to talk about now?"
"I just said, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, and I just said let's not talk about it, okay?" Reaching into her suitcase she pulled a few clothes from it, without really caring which, and made to get into the bathroom. "Excuse me, I need to get showered. Have you noticed the time?"
"Lilly…"
"What?"
Danny was losing his patience now, too, although he wasn't so sure if with her or himself. "For what it's worth to you, I wish we could turn this into more, I really do but…"
"It didn't sound like that last night…"
"… but at the moment I just can't. There a lot of… issues I have to deal with at the moment. I can't… well – it wouldn't be fair on you."
"Whatever."
The bathroom door closed behind her and Danny was left alone the room, feeling worse than ever. But hell, why would she not be angry with him? He had used her and she knew it. Only he wasn't so sure if having used her was the right expression for it, it had been a wonderful night and he knew they had both enjoyed it as much as they had longed for it. And he had meant what he had said, too.
Still – he hadn't dealt with that Martin thing, yet, and it was still bothering him – this morning more than ever – and he wanted nothing less than to involve Lilly in that mess.
Deciding to use the next payphone on the way back to his car to call Jack, Danny made to leave. Once outside he felt the sun shining onto his still tired body, but could not enjoy it. It was a warm, beautiful autumn day, but to Danny it felt as though the weather was mocking him. Walking quickly he soon had totally forgotten about his phone-call. He reached his car, opened it and slipped in, slamming the door shut, loudly.
For a moment he just stared straight ahead watching the people pass by his windshield, thoughts running through his head so hash he could almost not bear it anymore. But finally they subsided making room for another feeling; sadness.
His stupid life was a mess – it had been before last night, and now he had messed it up even more.
God – how he hated it…
Crossing his arms on the steering wheel he leaned forward to bury his face in them – carefully to not hit the horn – and then, finally, for the first time since the night of the ambush, he gave in to the pain he bottled up inside for weeks – and did something he hadn't done in years: he cried. Soundlessly, just letting the tears run freely until there were no more left.
