I own nothing but my own words.


Chapter 3: Survival


Drifting.

Existing, but barely.

Father didn't spend all of his time playing tricks on him.

No, Father had other creatures to torture and evil plans to make.

When Father was done 'playing' and made him feel more alone than he ever felt before, Father left him in the endless darkness.

In some ways, the darkness was worse than the torturous images because it allowed his mind to run on its own loop of the worst moments of his life. Even the ones Father hadn't gotten around to torturing him with yet. He tried his best to think about anything else, even mundane business matters or the simple act of scrambling eggs for breakfast every morning, but Father had turned him into a tortured soul that couldn't find any relief.

So he drifted, surrounded by nothing, but seeing everything in his mind's eye. The demons of his mind made him feel even more delusional. He remembered clearly every single horror he wrought in his bid to help or destroy his father. The worst of the worst like killing and administering biological agents that tortured and killed over time. The weapons Triad forged from the pit to kill the protected species, as well as hallucinogens to keep witches in line before that. Those were only part of it. Maybe he deserved all that was happening to him.

Sleep never came in the darkness, of course. To sleep would be to escape from the torture. Father would never allow it.

The darkness held other fears too.

With every sound, terror set in.

Was it a monster coming to wreak vengeance on him for trapping it in the pit at some point during his long life?

Was it his father returning?

Or was he simply imagining the sound?

When his mind nearly reached its breaking point, as it did so many times, he did what he always did when it became too much. He held onto the only thing that could save him.

Muttering under his breath in the darkness, he clenched his eyes shut and whispered over and over, "Hope, come get me out of here. Please, get me out of here."

In his worst moments, when the tiny thread of hope he clung to nearly disappeared, he found himself wishing she would hurry up and destroy his father. He wished she would become the tribrid and take Malivore out forever. In doing so, she would destroy him too, but at least his existential suffering would finally come to an end.

He dared not think of his only other possible saving grace in fear Father might learn of his plan. But the longer he suffered, the more he thought that was no more too. He went into the pit after making that deal. All memories of himself were hence erased. Was the vow even unbreakable anymore? Did the witch even remember making the vow?

Sometimes he imagined Hope showing up with the determination of an avenging angel and taking him out of hell, but he knew that was him playing a trick on himself, not Father.

She wasn't coming for him.

No matter how much he begged her to.


What the hell am I doing?

Ryan opened the binder and placed it on the stand at the front of the room.

How had he ended up teaching at Salvatore School again? He made it clear to Hope he wasn't interested. A job meant roots, even a temporary job as a substitute. He wasn't looking to build any sort of life at this school again. He wasn't looking to build any sort of life in the supernatural community, period.

He just wanted to get as far away from his father and the world he wanted to leave behind. But he agreed to help Hope, so…

Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth to begin just as the door opened again.

Josie Saltzman.

Great.

She scowled and didn't bother apologizing for the disturbance. Instead, she found an empty seat that was the furthest from him as possible.

Between Hope snapping at her in the meeting and arriving at class to find Clarke was teaching because apparently her father forgot she even had this class, Josie wasn't happy.

"So," Ryan cleared his throat nervously, trying to get back into his groove. It was easier teaching when he was pretending to be someone he wasn't. He didn't even know who he was now, that was part of what he wanted to learn about himself as a human. "History of Supernaturals. Guess this course has gotten a massive overhaul given all the new supernaturals you now know about."

The students stared blankly at him.

He hated the binder. He hated the notes. He barely looked at them. He would rather talk about what he knew. He would rather not spend the next forty-five minutes feeling like he was boring the hell out of a classroom full of teenagers.

"So, which ones do you want to know about?" he asked.

"Sir?" a young werewolf in the front row appeared confused by the question.

"Everyone knows the main three, the ones protected from Malivore, but what about the ones he consumed? The ones that were only written about in journals and fairytale books? The ones you've only just recently learned about. This is a history of supernaturals, so which supernatural do you want to know the history of?"

The students looked at each other and shifted in their seats, clearly intrigued by the idea.

"That's not in the binder," Josie spoke up, not bothering to raise her hand.

"No, it's not," Ryan shrugged.

"Shouldn't you be teaching us the actual curriculum?" Josie glared.

Students muttered to each other around the classroom, some giving annoyed glances at Josie but she didn't care.

"History of supernaturals is the course name," he clarified. "Seems to jive well with the curriculum. But we can go over more about witches, wolves, and vamps if there's something other teachers have neglected of those three?"

"Ethics," Josie nearly spat out the word.

"Ethics?" he raised an eyebrow.

"We're supposed to discuss the history of supernaturals from an ethical standpoint as far as witches, werewolves, and vampires are concerned," she explained pointedly.

"Someone read the syllabus," he said.

He wasn't trying to make a joke or make her look bad, but the students still made sounds of amusement at his words.

She didn't find it amusing at all, "Though ethics of golems could also be included."

Josie didn't like talking to him, but she couldn't resist putting him on the spot. She didn't care what the other students thought. She couldn't take him seriously, especially not as a teacher, and she wanted to show the students just how ill equipped he was to be their substitute. Most of the students here were new. They didn't remember when Clarke pretended to be Vardemus as headmaster, but they should know what kind of person they were dealing with.

"Ah, golems," he said. "See, even Miss Saltzman wants to know about the history of other supernaturals."

"I want to know about wendigos!" a student at the back of the room called out.

Other students called out other creatures, and Ryan made a mental note of each of them. He didn't know how long he would be stuck teaching, but teaching the students what they wanted to know seemed like a good start.

As for today, one particular student wanted to know something very specific—and he knew why—so he would oblige her.

"Werewolves are a great deal stronger than humans," he began. "Witches hold a large amount of power that can be used for good or for bad. And vampires, they hold the power of compulsion."

The students sighed in disappointment as they realized he was going to teach them exactly what Josie Saltzman wanted.

"As most of you already know by the lack of organized sporting events with other schools, this school very much wants to hold you to a high ethical standard. No human could ever be faster or stronger than a vampire or werewolf. Competing with the humans, knowing you would win every time, it's not morally correct."

"But that's only been new as of the past few decades," he continued. "And it's much easier to avoid organized sporting events than it is to avoid the other more important aspects."

"Compulsion is a tool that on the surface might sound pretty neat. Look a human in the eye, tell them what to do, and suddenly they're hopping around like a frog at your command. But compulsion is more than that."

He glanced around, noting that the students were paying attention, especially the vampires.

"It's taking away a person's free will. It's making them do or think something they would never do on their own."

"How would you feel if your free will was taken away? If someone made you do something, no matter how ridiculous it was? And, what if it was something serious? Not to give anyone ideas, but history shows us the power of compulsion and what it can do. It can command a young man to kill his entire family. It can command a young woman to stay still and not fight back as their neck is bitten into and body drained."

A few students shifted uncomfortably in their seats and he was pretty sure they were all vampires.

"Vampires have the power to do all of that with just one look. But just because they have the power to do it, should they?"

Most of the students shook their heads.

"However! You also need to remember there's a distinction between doing something for entertainment purposes and for your own survival."

"While you may say right now, in this very classroom, that you would never do that to anyone, always remember," he stressed the next words. "Who we are and who we have to be to survive are two very different things."

"Bellamy Blake for the win!" a student on the right side of the room called out.

Ryan raised an eyebrow, "Who?"

"From The 100," another student said rolling her eyes. "Shut up, Will."

Ryan shook his head, still not getting the reference but deciding it was inconsequential.

"If compulsion is needed to make someone forget about something they saw, something that could pose a future threat to the supernatural community, what we have is an ethical dilemma. Is it right, then, to take away someone's free will because you're protecting yourself?"

The students seemed confused and that's exactly what he wanted.

"There's no cut and dry answer sometimes," he cleared his throat and looked at Josie whose expression showed she was surprised at his words.

"If you've gone through what I have, you might see things differently too," he said. "While golems can't use compulsion or magic to get our way, they do have something called the power of manipulation—as most of you hold, and most humans too. I'm not a golem anymore because I escaped my fate, but what I had to do to survive forced me to make choices I have grown to regret."

He didn't once look away from Josie as he spoke, letting her know this was all for her. This was what she wanted to hear in the first place. Maybe not exactly how he was saying it, but it was how she was going to get it.

"I pretended to be headmaster of this school a while ago, and at the time I used some of the students, some of the witches, and manipulated them to help me with my survival," he said. "It didn't really work anyway, but I had to try. And I apologize to everyone I hurt, including you, Miss Saltzman."

He didn't wait for any kind of acknowledgment from Josie before looking back at the students.

In the grand scheme of things, what he had to do to survive was much worse than what he had done to Josie Saltzman. He wouldn't be admitting them to these students or to Josie for that matter. He supposed she probably wouldn't want to hear that it could've been worse anyway. What he did to her was bad enough in her world.

"When it comes to supernaturals, ethics is a very important topic so I'm glad we didn't skip it," he continued. "Ethics versus Survival. Due on Friday. A short essay on what that means to you and what lines you think you would never be willing to cross."

He waited while the students wrote it down, ignoring the couple of groans he heard.

"We still have a few more minutes," he glanced at the clock over head. "How about a little history on the wendigo?"

"Yes!" the chorus of cheers from the students was all the encouragement he needed to proceed.

Josie sat back in her chair, shocked.

He actually apologized to her. Publicly. She wasn't expecting that at all.

Listening to his words, she understood a bit more of where he was coming from, but she still didn't think she could ever forgive him. It wasn't because of the reason Lizzie thought though. Her sister believed Clarke "turned" her evil, but Josie knew the truth. The "evil" was always there. She didn't bother correcting Lizzie at the time though.

She knew it was her choice to siphon that sword to protect her sister. She knew if she hadn't used the mora miserium to rid herself of the effects of that decision, they all would have faced the darkness sooner than they had.

But none of that was why she couldn't forgive him. No, what she couldn't forgive was him weaseling his way past her defenses, making her trust him as an authority figure she could look up to and confide in, and the entire time he was using her.

She remembered confessing her fear to him about losing Landon, especially when the then unknown Hope appeared. She was naïve and too trusting, and she was intrigued by the dark side of magic even though she had been told all her life it was wrong.

He took all of that and manipulated her. He could say now that it was all about survival, and it probably was, but that didn't make it okay for her.

She would never trust him again.

An apology was nice though.


"I'm sorry."

The second apology of the day? This time from Hope? Josie wasn't sure what to make of it, but she was hurt when Hope brought up Dark Josie trying to kill her in defense of Clarke. She thought they were past all that, especially after the three of them had their post hallucinogen heart-to-heart.

She wasn't sure where Hope's attitude came from, but she was pretty sure something was wrong.

"Are you… okay?" Josie asked.

Hope forced herself to shake her head. She wondered if she should be trying to make a deal with Malivore when she was feeling… vulnerable, but they needed to move their plan along. Plus, she would be going in with her best friends. She just had to fix things with Josie first.

"No, but the sooner we get this over with, the sooner I will be."

Lizzie made eye contact with Hope and tilted her head toward Josie encouragingly.

"Josie… can we talk later?" Hope asked knowing she needed to tell Josie everything too. The three of them had come to a new understanding and had promised to always be there for each other. They panda promised. Josie couldn't do that if Hope didn't tell her what was going on with her.

Though, she would probably leave out the part about Ryan and the possibility of not being toxic to him. Not that it mattered. She wasn't looking for a relationship or a rebound or for anything more from Ryan than just friendship.

"Sure, what about?"

"Some things about Cleo."

"Do you want to talk before we do this?" Josie asked.

Hope shook her head, "No, I just want to get this over with. But just know I don't hold anything Dark Josie did against you."

"Thanks," Josie said with a smile.

Lizzie was still worried about Hope but she was glad she planned to talk to Josie about it too. No matter how many times Hope said she was okay, Lizzie didn't think it would hurt telling one more person. Sometimes talking about things helped. As someone who had seen a shrink most of her life, Lizzie knew talking always helped.

"Ladies," Lizzie said as she opened the door to the gym. "The tar stain awaits."

"By all means," Hope said, face hardening. "Let's not keep it waiting."


Malivore laughed at the deal, of course.

"Let me get this straight," he smirked in amusement. "You actually think I'll give you Cleo and Landon in exchange for a new body? It's taken me centuries to create the body I wanted and you think you can create it in a day?"

"A week at least," Hope said, arms crossed in front of her, not showing any emotion. She instructed the twins before they began not to give away anything. Who knew what Malivore might pick up on?

"Think about it," Josie said. "It's a body that does what you always wanted it to do."

"I've already got that," Malivore said.

"Do you?" Lizzie asked.

Malivore spread his arms to indicate himself.

"But you wanted a phoenix body," Hope reminded him. "Not so much a phoenix anymore."

"So, I agree to this and then, what?" he asked, patronizing them for the moment. "You get your little boyfriend back, I get a body, but I'm still here."

"We'll let you go," Hope replied immediately.

Lizzie and Josie both fought to hide their reactions to that, but after glancing at each other they realized Hope was lying to him. They weren't going to give him a real body after all, so there would be no reason to let him go.

"Just like that?" he laughed.

"Just like that," Hope said. "We just want our friends back."

"You're not getting Cleo," he said.

"Fine," Hope shrugged.

"That was quick," he said. "Wouldn't that seem suspicious if you were me?"

Hope shrugged, "It makes sense. You'll still have Cleo as collateral. We give you a new body, you give us Landon, we let you go, then you release Cleo."

She knew even if they were actually planning to give him a real body, he would never release Cleo after they released him, but if he wanted to believe that they believed he would, so be it.

"Just like that," he said again, tilting his head to the side.

"Well, you could stop sending monsters after us too, but where's the fun in that?" Hope had nothing but distaste and sarcasm for this creature.

After a long thoughtful pause, he finally shrugged. "Guess I don't have anything to lose. If this new body doesn't work, you lose out on Landon and I'm still breathing the smell of teenage wolf sweat. Seriously, could you deodorize the gym or something?"

Hope couldn't believe it. Malivore actually agreed to the plan. He didn't know their true intention, but he must be curious to see if they could really do it.

"Deodorizing the gym. Guess it could be possible… if you'd let us at least talk to Cleo," Josie said, stepping closer to the cage. "You know, ask for her thoughts on how to create a new body for you?"

Hope resisted looking at Josie. She hoped this wasn't Josie trying to get Cleo free now. If Malivore didn't have Cleo as collateral, he would never release Landon to even try out a new body.

"Not happening," Malivore said intensely. "I'm sure you already have some idea of your own. It's too bad that other one is dead though. Could've asked him. Guess you'll never find out how he came back with a new body."

With an internal flinch, Hope realized he was talking about Ryan.

"Well, he is dead," Hope snapped. "You killed him."

"I would say I jumped the gun a little, but…," Malivore considered. "Nah, I can't find it in me to regret it at all. He was always pretty much a useless waste of space."

Lizzie stepped forward to speak before Hope lost her cool. She could feel the tension rising in her friend.

"Cleo's created how many creatures for you?" Lizzie said. "Including an actual body?"

"It was faulty and a trap," he replied.

"Well, it still gives us a good place to start," Lizzie insisted. "You do want us to succeed, right? Or would you rather be trapped in a frail, weak, hobbit human body forever…Oh, wait. Humans don't actually last forever, do they?"

She had him there. She could see it in his face even though he was trying just as hard as the rest of them not to give anything away.

They may not know what Malivore truly wanted, but he definitely didn't want to be stuck in a human body.

"Figure it out yourselves," Malivore said. "Or the deal is off."

Josie knew then, just like the rest of them, that he wasn't going to show them Cleo, no matter what they said. It had to be enough that he took the deal.

But still, Josie couldn't resist… if what Clarke said was true, and Landon could pay attention to what was happening while Malivore used his body, then he might be able to hear something and pass the message along. Such as a way for Cleo to potentially free herself.

"One thing I'm still confused about," Josie said. "How is it you can hold Cleo? Isn't she a witch? Wouldn't her doing magic hurt you?"

Malivore didn't respond, only smiled maliciously at Josie until it infuriated her.

"Let's go, Jos," Lizzie said. "We're not getting anything else out of him."

"I'm done looking at him anyway," Hope said with disgust and turned on her heel and marched out of the room with the twins in firm step behind.

Once the doors were closed and they were far enough away, the girls stopped.

"That went… surprisingly better than I thought it would," Lizzie said. "When you said you would set him free, I almost blinked."

"Had to improvise," Hope shrugged. "He's never going to give us Cleo though we may actually get Landon. But… we just got him to agree to the world's most ridiculous plan."

"Wasn't it Clar—Ryan's plan?" Josie said, correcting herself at the last second. She would never get used to calling him by that name, but she was making an effort because Hope insisted. That was literally the only consideration she would ever give him.

"It was a squad plan," Hope said. She perked up noticeably. "Speaking of, I have to let Ryan know what happened. We'll talk later, Jos."

Josie nodded then watched her race off, noting the shift in her mood.

"Since when is Ryan part of the Super Squad?" Josie asked.

"It's all temporary," Lizzie excused. "Very temporary."

"It better be."


"Looks like you survived."

Ryan looked up from the stand after the last bunch of students left the room and saw Hope smiling at him from his classroom doorway.

Apparently History of Supernaturals wasn't the only class he was needed to substitute for, as Alaric revealed when he showed up at the end of the first class with another binder. The students immediately poured in behind him.

He really disliked those binders.

Alaric Saltzman clearly got a kick out of messing with Mister Clarke by handing off binders and springing things on him he was completely unprepared for.

"Still not clear on how 'I don't want to teach' became this," he indicated the empty seats.

Hope shrugged in amusement, "What else is there to do while waiting for Malivore's defeat?"

"Anything but this," he said snapping the binder closed.

"Speaking of class, I should probably get to my next one," she said but made no move to leave.

"Was beginning to think you didn't actually have any considering how much time you spent at the hospital," he observed, closing the binders and stacking them.

"I have a few," she replied.

"How are you even still a student here? Aren't you older than the others?"

"Most. I'm nineteen," she nodded. "I have some extra classes since I'm not just one part supernatural."

"Gotta be well versed in all three, then."

"Yep," she leaned forward. "You haven't asked the most important question yet."

"Judging from your face, I don't think it went the way I wanted it to," his fingers twitched when he turned to straighten up the desk behind him. He hadn't used the desk at all, but he needed to keep himself busy.

"He agreed," she confirmed for him.

"Oh," he said softly as he fumbled with the chalk.

"Ryan?" she asked, approaching him. She knew this wouldn't be easy for him and could tell he was struggling. "Are you okay?"

"See, I didn't think he'd go for it," he explained, pushing the chalk into a drawer next to the pencils and shoving it shut. "Now though…"

"We still have a few days," she said. "Can't build a body overnight, right? We'll give it a week. You'll have time to prepare."

Unlike with his new teaching gig, he thought. It was good though. Time to prepare was what he needed.

Time to prepare to face Father.

He stood frozen, shutting down at the thought.

"Papilio lux," she whispered.

Her hands glowed and a golden butterfly formed and rose into the air.

He knew that spell. She used it to comfort him once before, just like she was now.

The panic receded and he remembered to breathe.

"Thank you," he said, relaxing though his hand still gripped the edge of the desk. "Course, you may have to do that spell daily."

She rested her hand on top of his without hesitation. She knew he needed it, and she was proud of him for agreeing to face his fears, "I will if you need me to."

He nodded and glanced down at her hand. The touch comforted him as much as the spell had. She seemed to have that effect on him every time. He wasn't surprised.

"Malivore only accepted half of the deal. He wouldn't give up Cleo at all, which I didn't expect, but he did agree to the body so we may be able to get Landon," she explained softly, keeping her hand firmly in place. "We have a week to prepare, but remember when this goes down, I'll be beside you the entire time. I know you can do this. You've fooled him before."

He nodded. She was right, he had. That didn't mean he wasn't terrified then, just like he was terrified now.

"Just gotta get back some of that Clarke gumption to make human Ryan a bit more badass," she teased gently.

Easier said than done, he thought. What little confidence he had disappeared the minute he went from immortal to an easy-to-kill human.

"I'll work on it."


Hope was feeling better since her outburst during the squad meeting and her talk with Lizzie.

She knew it had something to do with the talk she had with Josie before dinner that evening.

Lizzie was right. Talking about the… issue with Cleo helped. She wasn't sure she would tell anyone else, but knowing her best friends knew how she felt and fully supported her, it meant the world.

Having friends that really cared and she could talk to was pretty new for her, and something she wanted all her life. She remembered feeling so alone as a child and her early teen years. Her mother sent her to the school because she had so much power and needed to learn to control it but not having her mother there every single day, not having her father… not having any real friends… it was a lonely existence.

She looked up from the book spread open in front of her and watched Ryan make a note in one of his hated binders from across the table.

They decided to meet at the library after dinner so she could do homework and study and he could go over lesson plans. He wanted to touch up on his knowledge of certain supernaturals. It was a bit strange—them working together like that considering she was a student and he was moonlighting as a teacher—but Doctor Saltzman had told her he was her responsibility. She was just keeping an eye on him like she was supposed to…

But she actually did like spending time with him.

Thinking about friends and Ryan, she remembered when he told her that first night in the hospital how she had something he never had—family and friends. He never had what she had now, did he? She spent maybe a decade feeling lonely, but he had ions of decades on her.

Had he not made any real friends in that time? And, if so, why not? He wasn't a bad being. He was just unlucky enough to be handed the worst father of all time.

"Not as many students in here as I'm used to," he said, glancing around.

"Guess they did their work before dinner," she replied.

"It's not just that though," he said. "Less students, less teachers… and I only recognized maybe a quarter of the students. What happened?"

She swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat.

"What happened was Landon died," she said. "Well, he turned to mali-goo and was gone. I tried everything to get him back. Doctor Saltzman helped too, to the point that the school was neglected. Parents were already pulling students out once they heard about the Necromancer and Malivore attacks where some of the students helped."

"The Necromancer, huh?" he asked.

"That's a long story for another time," she rolled her eyes. "Once we accepted that Landon was gone… once I accepted that he was really dead, the focus returned to the school and finding enough students to keep accreditation."

"How did Landon… dissolve?" he finished the question with the best word to use for what happened to Landon. Having his head chopped off was pretty bad. And… dissolving wasn't very pleasant either.

She grew very quiet and fiddled with her book, signaling to him that she wasn't comfortable talking about whatever happened. He wondered if she would respond.

She did.

"I did it to him," she said finally.

He knew it wasn't done on purpose, but what could she possibly have done? He remembered when he was stabbed and she tried to heal him with her blood but thought it might return him to the pit. Is that how it happened?

"Did you try to heal him like me, since he's human now?" he asked.

She shook her head, "When you're a tribrid and your boyfriend is a son of Malivore, you really shouldn't try to get closer physically. Despite what you said about us destined to be together, destiny couldn't have spelled it out plainer that we aren't and shouldn't have."

He wasn't born yesterday. He knew exactly what she was saying. He wouldn't make her suffer by saying it out loud though. It made sense. Those two were in love and, he thought, meant to be together. Of course they would want to take their relationship to the next level. It seemed Landon suffered the consequences for it, but Hope suffered too while mourning her loss and thinking she killed him.

"Destiny really sucks sometimes."

"It really does," she agreed, sighing.

"You could have him back soon," he reminded her, wanting to see her smile again. "All goes well next week, you could have him back."

"It doesn't really change anything though, does it?" she asked, though she appreciated what he was trying to do.

"No…" he said, noting she would still be just as toxic to Landon then as she was before. "I don't suppose it does."

She nodded. "I want to save him, and I hope we do. But even then, I… I think it's really over. It took a while, but I finally accepted the truth. He just… isn't the one meant for me."

"Didn't think you were the type to give up on anything."

"There are other reasons too," she admitted. "That one just… helped me see the truth I'd been avoiding."

"Which is?"

"We're better off without each other."

He wasn't sure Landon would agree with that, but it wasn't up to his baby brother. He could hear the finality in her tone. She really was done with her relationship with Landon. When he first came back from the pit, he knew she was mourning that relationship, but now it seemed like she was accepting the loss and working to move past it.

It made him wonder, especially after breakfast with Lizzie, what had been making her smile these past few days if it wasn't the possibility of Landon returning or knowing it wasn't Landon who had broken up with her.


"Let's go!" Hope held up her fist two mornings later to show off the car keys.

"Surprised she didn't insist on coming with," Ryan said as he followed her out the front door.

"She had class," Hope shrugged. Lizzie hadn't argued at all when she asked to borrow the car, just demanded it be returned un-maimed and gassed up.

They made quick time getting to the doctor's office. Ryan had a follow-up appointment to make sure he was on the mend properly. Standard procedure after being discharged.

"With you being newly human and jobless, how exactly are you able to handle the hospital bills?" she asked as she made a right-hand turn.

"It's not like they hand it to you as you walk out the door," he laughed. "But a case worker worked with me. I'm not broke—what golem lives for hundreds of years and doesn't have some kind of nest egg stored somewhere?—I just didn't have access to anything. I still don't since I'm kind of stuck at Salvatore School for the moment. And with my lack of insurance and lack of address, they labeled me homeless. I was lucky they let me stay a few extra days after my injury wasn't life threatening any longer. Again, that case worker helped."

"And this appointment?"

"More help," he shrugged. "There's something called the Virginia's Victims Fund. Apparently, it's there to help people who suffer violent attacks."

"It was pretty violent. Police still haven't found the culprit yet, by the way," she teased.

:"That's because they haven't searched the gym at Salvatore School," he laughed. "Maybe I should send them an anonymous tip."

"I wonder how our accreditation would survive that," she grinned as she pulled into a parking spot.

"Only one way to find out," he returned her grin.

"Let's go," she rolled her eyes. "And no stopping for quick anonymous calls."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

He loved bantering with her, especialy when it was harmless like now. They fed off of each other, making each other laugh. He noticed that a lot the past couple days. How much she laughed with him, and how much she made him laugh.

It made him think about the question he had the other day about what was making her laugh… was it really him? Did he cause that? What did it mean?

He didn't know much, but he knew he enjoyed spending time with her.

He just… enjoyed her.

"Ryan Clarke."

He looked up at the nurse calling his name and nodded, then rose slowly to follow her down the hall. When Hope made no move to stand, he glanced down at her quickly.

"Aren't you coming?"

"To the exam room with you?" she asked incredulously. "You're a big boy now, I'm sure you can handle it all by yourself."

"Mister Clarke?" the nurse called again.

"Please?" he asked hopefully. He was tired of the unknown. Being in the hospital was only fun when she was there. Otherwise, he was left to rot until he finally fell asleep only to be woken up every two hours to be poked and prodded again.

She sighed and held up her hand melodramatically, "Do you need me to hold your hand too?"

"Well, if you're offering," he grinned ruefully and grabbed her hand to pull her to her feet.

Hope had to shake her head when he actually held her hand the entire way to the exam room, only finally letting go so the nurse could take his vitals.

Just one more of the many layers that made up Ryan Clarke. She needed to remember that he was newly human and experiencing everything as a human for the first time. Being a golem, she knew he never had to see a doctor at all. She barely ever needed to see one either. He also didn't trust easily, so being forced to let a doctor go anywhere near his new amazingly fragile human body probably set him on edge.

He would need to get over that once he left and was on his own.

Fortunately for her, the exam didn't last long and wasn't too extensive. The cut in his neck was still tender but there was no sign of infection. It was healing properly and Ryan wouldn't have to be seen again for another two weeks.

When they were checking out and making his next appointment, she noticed the bowl of candies on the counter and couldn't resist digging through until she found two lollipops.

"Here," she said, handing him one then unwrapping her own. "So you can have the full human experience."

His face actually lit up and, damn, if that wasn't adorable.


For the third evening in a row, Ryan found himself sitting at a table in the library with Hope.

They didn't talk most of the time, not when she had actual school work to do and he had actual notes to take for his lessons. He didn't want to sound like he was winging it as he did that first day.

But when they did talk, it was comfortable and easy. The animosity and sarcasm that used to exist between them was gone. In its place was someone who cared about him, who accepted him completely for who he was… just as he cared about her and accepted her for who she was.

They were friends.

All of the time spent together, the trip to the doctor, meetings for breakfast, etc: it was time spent getting to know each other better and strengthening that friendship.

He felt like he could tell her anything; and, for the most part, he did. He still couldn't bring himself to talk about his last time in the pit, but she hadn't asked about it yet. Whenever he was alone—when he wasn't teaching or when she wasn't nearby making those demons go away—he sometimes found himself lost in the memories. He would snap himself out of it but they caught him unaware at times.

There were a lot of things she still hadn't shared with him either, but, just like his Malivore memories, he knew they would take time.

Like, the morning after Malivore agreed to their plan when Kaleb got angry that they weren't doing more to save Cleo. Hope wasn't the one to respond. She was next to him so he could feel a strange tension in her as she resisted speaking up. She wasn't one to hold back, so he knew something was wrong.

Instead, Josie and Lizzie both spoke and reminded the frustrated vampire that they would go after Cleo once Landon was free. They pointed out that Landon had access to Malivore's activities. He probably knew where Cleo was. Waiting was the best thing they could do at the moment, especially since they would have no hope of saving Landon if Malivore didn't have possession of Cleo come 'Body-Swap-Day'.

Ryan didn't know Cleo, but he knew what the pit was like. He knew Kaleb had every right to be worried about the wait. If Cleo was in Malivore as they suspected, she was probably losing hope of anyone coming to rescue her. Maybe whatever Father wanted had something to do with her. In that case, he really hoped Cleo could hold on long enough for them to figure out how to set her free.

He knew it wouldn't be easy.


"Where are you going?" Hope asked that Friday night, taking in Lizzie's tracksuit.

"Definitely not to the library," Lizzie said pointedly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you've been cooped up in there every evening with a certain substitute, one who's strangely becoming more popular," Lizzie considered that statement with thoughtful disgust. "I don't know why."

"Maybe because he's a good teacher?"

"It's still strange. And so is you spending your evenings with him."

"Your dad told me to keep an eye on him, remember?"

"As long as that's all you're keeping on him," Lizzie eyed her.

"Lizzie." Hope had gone over this already. Ryan was a friend.

"Fine," Lizzie rolled her eyes. "I'm going on my second date with Ethan. It's a double date with Josie and Finch. We're," she raised her fingers to make air quotes that did nothing to disguise her lack of enthusiasm for the activity, "bowling. And, before you ask, it was Ethan's idea."

"Bowling?" That certainly explained the tracksuit… except not really. Plus, the idea of Lizzie Saltzman putting her feet into shoes an unknown number of feet had touched was quite comical.

"Yes, an annoyingly human date activity," Lizzie sighed.

"If I were human, I think I'd prefer axe throwing," Hope replied.

"Yeah, well—"

"Can I come?" Hope interrupted to ask.

"What part of double date did you miss?" Lizzie asked. "It's not a double date plus one. That's more of a small gathering."

Hope shrugged, "I'll bring Ryan."

"Wait, that's a triple date!" Lizzie exclaimed. "Are you actually contemplating dating him!? I thought you threw out the rebound idea!"

"I did and no, not a date," Hope stressed. "Just two friends hanging with other friends at a totally normal human activity. He's a new human. He needs to act like one."

"Because teaching at a supernatural school and spending all his free time with a tribrid screams human," Lizzie deadpanned.

Hope glared at her, "What time are we leaving?"

"Six."

Lizzie's answer was clearly her unspoken agreement that Hope and Ryan could join in on the double.

"We'll meet you then," Hope said with a grin then turned on her heel and headed off to find Ryan. It was Friday, the weekend was upon them, and they didn't need to work on homework or lesson planning. Hope hadn't really found an excuse to hang out with him though she kind of wanted one.

Kudos to Lizzie for providing her with the perfect excuse.


"You said this is their second date?" Ryan leaned in to ask his question privately.

"Yeah," Hope nodded.

"There won't be a third," he predicted.

"Why not?"

Ryan raised his hand to indicate the politely awkward and fake sounding laugh Lizzie was making at something Ethan said.

"She's not that into him," he stated it as the fact it was.

Hope leaned in to whisper, "I know." She would have to be blind not to notice the way Lizzie was trying too hard with Ethan and failing miserably. But maybe her vision was partially impaired. She didn't even know Lizzie had gone on a first date with Ethan. She really needed to pay more attention.

"It's why she brought along people to the second one," he said. "She's not sure she doesn't want to date him, but she doesn't want to lead him on if she decides she really doesn't want to."

"You realize you don't even know her." Hope was amused. She was also pretty sure he was right.

Ryan shrugged, "I know people. Still trying to figure some things out about you though."

"Like what?"

"Like why you brought me along on a double date with your friends which kinda says—"

"We are not on a date," Hope cut him off before he could say it.

"If you say so."

"We're just friends," she said for what felt like the hundredth time while talking about him. "And what's it say about you that you came along on a double date with me and my friends?"

"You said, 'hey human, let's go bowling,'" he quoted. "No mention of a date at all."

"That's because it's not a date," she saw the twinkle in his eye and continued quickly, "for us. Just for them."

"Honestly, I figured it was more of Saltzman forcing you to keep an eye on me," he revealed the knowledge he figured out all on his own. "But, since you said we're friends…"

"Fine, yes, he said that as a stipulation for letting you stay," she revealed. She didn't want him to think she didn't enjoy it though. "But I can do that without hanging with you. I also happen to know there's nothing to worry about. Your human ass is too afraid of your own shadow to cause trouble."

"Ouch," he pretended her words hurt even though they didn't.

"No one is forcing me to spend time with you," she said firmly. "I do it because I want to. Because we're friends. Got it?"

He most definitely did.

"Good to know," he winked.

She wasn't sure if that was a tease so much as a… flirt.

Shaking her head, she put that thought out of her head, "Go take your turn and try to avoid the gutter this time!"


"So, tomorrow. You ready for this?" she asked.

"Not really," he said, twirling his fork through his chicken and rice at dinner the next night hoping to cover the nervous tremor in his hand. He wasn't sure he would ever be ready to be in his father's presence again, even incognito.

"Do you want to back out?" She had to ask. After spending more time with him, she thought maybe she had pushed him into helping and she felt bad about the possibility. "I could still get Lizzie to do it. She did it once before but according to MG she was a bit over the top and she… smiled?"

"Smiled?" he asked in confusion.

"Yes, smiled," she confirmed.

"You smile though."

"You'd have to ask MG," she shrugged. "Lizzie would probably do better with the heels though."

He choked. "… Heels?"

"Does it work that way?" she asked with a small smile. "You know more about how the illusion ring works."

"I see what you're doing," he said, acknowledging her attempt to lighten the mood, "but you don't have to."

"I know how hard this is for you, I know you're scared."

"I'm terrified," he confirmed. "But I'll do it."

"Good," she nodded. "Facing your fears can help them go away."

"There's no escaping the fear my father brings," he said. "I don't need to be part of this for closure. I don't want to be part of it. I just want him gone and I don't care how or who."

"Still, you're agreeing to do it?"

"I'm not doing this for me," he said. "You asked for my help and… what are friends for, right?" There was so much more to it, but that was the easiest way to explain it to her.

The real truth might drive her away before he was ready to go.

"Right," she reached to grip his hand across the table in a now-familiar gesture. "Thank you."

He nodded and tried to bury the growing sense of dread in his gut.

It would all be okay.

With Hope by his side, nothing could go wrong.

Right?


"Clarke!"

He covered his head and pulled it further down against his chest, cringing and clenching his eyes shut even though there was nothing to see in the darkness. He was a six-foot-one being trying to make itself as small as possible from his seat on the ground.

"Clarke!"

The sounds!

Was it all in his head again?

"Clarke!"

Of course it was. It was always only in his head.

"Clarke, where are you!"

He knew that voice, but he also knew it wasn't real.

It couldn't be.

A touch on his shoulder had him scrambling away in fright.

He made it to his feet before he turned to face the new threat.

Hope.

"H-H-Hope?" he said cautiously, unable to believe his eyes.

She rolled hers, "Who else would go into hell to find your muddy ass?"

"You're not real," he said, stepping back.

She certainly looked real though.

"Fine, I'm not real," she glanced around, "but I'm also not staying any longer than I have to. Hold onto me or don't."

As he watched, she raised her hands and an electrical current surged all around them.

Magic.

It wasn't just one quick spell; it was a spell that continued on and on.

"If I hold onto you, he won't let you go," he reminded her.

"I wonder how long he can put up with this spell if I keep making it bigger and adding more strength to it. Eventually it has to hurt him so much he would rather let us both go than suffer more," she replied as the magic was unleashed.

If this wasn't real, well, then, he wasn't going anywhere.

But if it was… if Hope really had come to save him…

The wind picked up around them.

Then he better hold on now before the vortex formed.

He didn't want to distract her from the spell in her hands, so he went behind her and grasped hold of her shoulders.

The vortex never opened, but the wind continued, trying to tug at him violently.

Trying to yank him away from her.

No.

He wouldn't be torn away.

Wrapping his arms around her torso from behind, he held on with all his strength as she continued the spell.

He watched as slowly the vortex formed, as if Father was fighting the decision, and he waited and hoped.

Was it really possible? Would she really be able to hold the spell long enough that Father would have to set him free?

When it happened, it was almost instantaneous, as if Father couldn't take the pain anymore and expelled them as quickly as possible before he could change his mind.

They were out!

They were standing inside a mausoleum, presumably in a cemetery, with sunlight streaming brilliantly through the windows.

Sunlight.

No more darkness.

Was this real? It had to be real. It felt real, didn't it?

He was still holding onto her, clinging, worried if he let go she would disappear.

She felt real: the warmth of her body where he gripped her and where he held her pulled against his chest, the brush of her hair against his cheek as he hunched over behind her trying to mold himself to her.

"You did it. You really came for me," he whispered, believing for the first time that it had to be real.

"You can let go anytime," she said, patting his arms where they gripped her. "I promise I won't disappear."

He forced himself to let her go, at least long enough for her to turn around and face him with that wonderfully familiar smirk of hers.

When she didn't disappear, he couldn't help himself. The relief and happiness burst out of him and he found himself wrapping his arms around her again, but this time just to hug her.

He kept trying to stop but every time he released her slightly he ended up grabbing her again because hugging her, feeling her, made it even more real.

She was bewildered at first but she went with it anyway.

His elation was catching, so she ended up looking up at him with his next hug and grinning, "You don't have to let go until you're ready."

It was the smile so close to him that did it—he was so grateful and needed to show her how much all of this meant to him—so, without thinking, he lowered his head and kissed her.

Whoa.

He raised his head again almost immediately, realizing what he had done and getting ready to apologize. He hadn't meant to do that. His mental state wasn't the greatest. That wasn't the best excuse, but it was the truth.

She was still smiling at him though, like she didn't mind at all. Like it didn't bother her.

"Are you ready to let go now?" she asked instead of mentioning the kiss.

Sheepishly, he finally let her go, feeling the emptiness to the depths of his soul as soon as she was out of his arms.

But it was okay. Everything was a hundred times better than it had been. He could do it. He could get past all the agony, all the pain, if it meant it brought him to this moment.

She came to save him.

She cared about him enough to come to save him.

She thought he was worth saving despite how messed up he was.

Was this what it felt like? The one thing he was missing all his life? Had he really found it in her?

Love.

He opened his mouth to tell her, to speak the words for the first time, but then everything went horribly wrong.

Nothing felt right. He couldn't move. He couldn't speak.

The look of horror on her face told him it wasn't just him feeling that way.

She could see whatever was wrong, even if he couldn't.

Then he realized he knew the feeling.

He felt it every day once his father released him from the pit to go after Hope.

His body.

Hope could pull him out of the pit, but she couldn't fix what his father had done to him.

He was breaking down.

He was returning to the pit.

There really was no escape.

When Father's laughter began echoing through his mind before he broke down completely, that's when he knew.

Hope rescuing him was all part of the game.

Another illusion created for the soul purpose to torture him.

He should've never called out for Hope, never whispered his plea begging her to come.

He gave Father all the ammunition he needed.

But it was all a lie.

Every part of it was a lie.

Hope wasn't coming.

She wasn't even trying.

She didn't know where he was.

She didn't even know he was still alive.


To be continued…