I own nothing but my own words.
Freedom
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For so long, all he knew was the same.
The darkness.
The torture.
The hopelessness.
Then one day, all of that changed.
It didn't happen like he knew it was supposed to.
A windy vortex of light didn't form overhead and whip him up into it only to expel him from Malivore like twice before.
No, this time started off less dramatically.
In one instant, the darkness around him changed.
As he sat in the infinite nothingness, haunted by the blackness around him and wondering when Father would return, he felt a strange shift in the air.
He wondered if a monster was near.
He struggled to stand within the darkness, preparing to run just in case.
Then things got really weird.
Flames burst out around him. The flames didn't hurt though.
Instead, they grounded him.
His eyes hurt from the blaring light, but he forced himself to look at his feet where he could see the flames flaring around his skin and rising up his legs, lapping at him without burning the entire way.
This is new.
As the flames approached his torso, he finally put the pieces together and realized what was happening.
The witch.
The unbreakable vow.
She actually came through.
He was gaining his new form.
He was being reborn in a burst of flames.
He was going to be human.
Once the flames reached the top of his head, completely covering him, he felt as if he was free-flying as gravity moved him and the fire upwards.
The flames came to a stop and on pure instinct he stepped forward out of the fire.
There was darkness around him again, illuminated by the flames, but the kind of darkness that came with nightfall.
On earth.
Spying three people in white lying on the ground, he wondered briefly who they were and if one of them was the witch he freed from Triad.
Then he realized one of the people was Hope.
He checked on her and noted with relief that she was still breathing, just passed out.
Sniffing the air, he recognized the scent of the hallucinogenic drug Triad used on witches to control them, the one he supplied the other witch—Andie—to help make his new reality happen.
Hope was okay, just sleeping off the drug. So were the twins, whom he recognized when he got a closer look.
He glanced down at himself.
In the meantime, he was in a muddy state of undress and in desperate need of a hot shower and clothes. He would take care of that before they woke.
With a giddy feeling swelling inside, he wondered barefoot through the mud until he found a cabin.
Malivore didn't know about any of this. He never mentioned it in the pit. He never spoke of it aloud, unlike when he begged Hope to come for him.
Which was why, later, when he walked out of the bathroom wearing a towel, drying his hair, and found Hope awake and murmuring his name in disbelief, he knew without a doubt that this time she was very real, just like the shower was real, just like everything he was seeing was real.
He was free from Malivore once and for all.
Free from the pit.
Free from his mud body.
He was free.
He was free.
Murphy's Law.
He didn't know who Murphy was, probably some philosopher, but according to Murphy, 'Everything that could go wrong, will go wrong.'
Sometimes thing work out perfectly beyond ones wildest dreams—like escaping a hell dimension against all odds
But other times, things went very, very, wrong.
Like today.
"So, I just put on the ring," Hope looked from the ring to him, "and think of what I want and voila?"
"Pretty much," he nodded, his eyes meeting hers solemnly.
He was scared. Today was the day he would set foot in the presence of Father once again. A day he hoped would never come, but he had agreed to do this. He wanted to back out, but he couldn't. Not only did Hope need him, there was also a small part of him that acknowledged he would never be completely free until Malivore was gone for good. Helping to achieve that goal… well, maybe he should be there for that.
She stared into his eyes, her own softening.
He knew she knew how scared he was. He appreciated that she didn't draw attention to it, and that she hadn't asked again if he wanted to back out. She already gave him that option, so he knew he could still change his mind and she wouldn't judge him for it.
They held eye contact, words unneeded at this point.
Whatever she was searching for in his gaze, she must have found it because her attention traveled back to the ring as she slipped it onto her finger.
Looking up, Hope immediately had to lower her head because Ryan was no longer standing at his normal six-foot-one. In fact, their heights were nearly reversed.
"Well, that worked," she had to laugh softly seeing an exact replica of herself standing where Ryan had been.
Ryan looked down at his new outfit.
"You couldn't have illusioned pants?" he asked, though his—her?—legs looked amazing. He shook his head and took a step back, wobbling slightly.
"School uniform?" she shrugged.
"It's not a school day," he reminded her.
In fact, it was Sunday. The rest of the students were sent on a fun field trip activity so they wouldn't be around while they dealt with Malivore. Kaleb and Jed were not happy they had to go with the students, but the chaperone needed some older responsible students to help. Plus, Hope wanted Kaleb away so he didn't cause any problems.
"Was hoping you were kidding about the heels," he muttered as he walked in a circle around her.
"It's a very fashionable boot," Hope said as she took stock of her 'new' look. She had gone with a non-descript looking male with dark hair, jeans, and a long-sleeve gray top. Simple, basic, and hopefully Malivore approved enough to try to jump into it.
"It's still a heel," he grumbled.
"And heels give her some kind of height," Lizzie said as she breezed into the room with magic-canceling cuffs. "Stop complaining, didn't you try to become her once? Heels would've been a daily requirement."
"Not when I got to choose what I wore," he said.
"As if you weren't already a fashion pariah before," Lizzie said as an aside to Hope.
Hope made a face at her.
Lizzie grinned and held up the cuffs, "Told you there was another pair of these."
"If only I hadn't had to break the other pair," Hope eyed Ryan.
Ryan ignored her words and instead asked, "Can't you just wear flat shoes for once?"
"As Lizzie just pointed out, I'm short," Hope rolled her eyes. "Heels give me a height advantage. Malivore would notice something is off if I'm not wearing them. Deal with it. Plus, they provide better ankle support than actual heels."
"He'll notice something's off if I trip too," Ryan said even though he knew she was right. He just had to remember it was all an illusion. He was still technically wearing his own clothes and shoes. He took a deep breath and walked as he normally did.
Not one wobble. He could do this.
"Oh, look, he's a natural," Lizzie said. "Maybe you should get him his own pair."
"Come on," he held up his arms. "Just put them on me so we can get this over with."
"Much as I'd love to, I can't," Lizzie said. "He demanded we put them on 'Hope' in front of him. That's why Hope didn't just put them on you with the illusion."
"We meet his demands now?" Ryan asked, dropping his arms.
"Long enough to get him out of Landon's body into mine," Hope replied, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Don't do that," Lizzie said.
"Do what?" Hope asked.
"Cross your arms like that. You always do that," Lizzie explained. "In fact, he should do that at least once. You shouldn't."
Ryan immediately crossed his arms while Hope moved hers to her sides.
Lizzie shook her head, "I thought you said he would be better at pretending to be you than me."
"No, I said he knows me and Malivore better than anyone else, including you," Hope said. "So, in theory he should be better."
"Didn't realize I had to start the show now," he said, tilting his head and surveying Lizzie with a very annoyed—very familiar—glare. "Happy now?"
Lizzie couldn't deny he had that particular look down-pat. "Yes."
"Are we forgetting anything?" Hope asked, hoping they thought of everything. This was probably going to be their only chance at getting Landon back. The plan needed to be flawless.
"Let's see," Lizzie went through a mental checklist. "We have a Hope, check. A 'vessel' for Malivore, check. You're wearing the ring, Hope, so when we put the cuffs on Ryan the illusion won't fade. And I, dear friend, get the pleasure of putting the cuffs on Ryan while he looks like you. It's a double win for me."
"Tell me again why I'm not wearing my ring?" Ryan asked.
"Because I don't trust you to give it back since you think it belongs to you," Lizzie answered quickly, knowing Hope probably wouldn't care either way but she didn't want to give him a potential weapon.
"That's because it does," Ryan huffed.
"Also, once I put the cuffs on you, the ring wouldn't work anymore, so you can't wear the ring," Lizzie shrugged. "Another win for me."
"Wait…" Hope said, looking at the ring. "What happens when we put the cuffs on him even if I'm the one wearing the ring? Technically the ring's magic is creating the illusion to make him look like me. Wouldn't the cuffs cancel the magic?"
"Only one way to find out," Lizzie stepped forward and latched the cuffs around Ryan's wrists.
He immediately transformed back into himself.
"I detect a flaw in the plan," Lizzie sighed.
"So, what?" Hope asked. "Do I add another illusion to the mix?"
"I have a better idea," Lizzie said, pulling a pair of handcuffs out of her back pocket.
"You just carry those things around?" Hope raised an eyebrow.
"In case I couldn't find the actual magic canceling cuffs, I brought these along," Lizzie then was quick to add before Hope insinuated anything, "From Dad's weapon cabinet."
"Right, so I guess just use those instead?" Hope shrugged.
"And take these off me?" he said, raising his arms.
"Good thing I found a key," Lizzie pulled that out of her front pocket.
Ryan wasn't amused.
"So, we'll just tell Malivore those are the right cuffs," Hope said. "I see no reason he wouldn't believe it."
"Except they look more like what a modern day cop would use," Lizzie said. "Not some ancient device from the Salem witch trials or whatever."
"Think they were created before that. Plus," Ryan winced as Lizzie finished removing the cuffs and reverted back to Hope's form. "Father may actually know what they're supposed to look like. When he tortured me in the pit, I lived through these… recollections of things that happened… like the day I used the chains on you."
Hope glanced at him curiously.
He shifted uncomfortably. It was the first time he really spoke about how Father had tortured him. He hoped neither of the girls mentioned it further. His time in the pit still haunted him and probably always would.
Rubbing his wrists, he then settled back into his 'Hope' stance, crossing his arms. He was pretending to be Hope now—fierce, annoyed, fearless, battle ready Hope.
He didn't have time for the scared human "Ryan" at the moment.
"Which brings me back to my original plan," Lizzie said as she tossed the real cuffs to the side and held up the fake ones.
She touched Hope's arm to siphon, "Lusionous."
The fake handcuffs shifted form into the shape of the magic-cancelling cuffs.
"There," Lizzie said. "We're ready now."
He uncrossed his arms, turned on his heel sharply, and headed to the door. When neither girl followed, he stopped in the doorway and glanced at them. "Well?"
"I was waiting for Hope to…" Lizzie trailed off realizing she was about to say she was waiting for Hope to lead the way, but Hope wasn't Hope, Ryan was, and Ryan was doing exactly what he was supposed to do.
Be Hope.
"Right, right," Lizzie dangled the chains in one hand and grabbed Hope's arm with the other. "Let's go, Malivore's new vessel."
"I can walk on my own," Hope said, pulling her arm back.
"You're supposed to be an empty mindless immortal vessel waiting to be filled with Malivore's… blackness," Lizzie said, taking her arm again. "Act the part and let me lead you."
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Maybe a little."
"He's a little short," Malivore remarked.
"Not like your current vessel will be dunking baskets anytime soon," Lizzie quipped. "It's kind of… Hobbit sized."
Ryan slanted his eyes in annoyance at Malivore, "You wanted an indestructible vessel. We made one. Take it or leave it."
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Malivore said, looking from the cuffs in Lizzie's hands to 'Hope'.
"You really think that's necessary?" Ryan laughed. "Did you forget there are two other witches here, not to mention everyone else, yet my magic is the only one you're worried about?"
Josie, MG, and Doctor Saltzman were gathered around the outside of the cage. A barrier spell had been placed on the cage to keep Malivore contained, which they dropped for the moment.
Only Lizzie, 'Hope', and the new vessel had entered the cage.
"That begs the question," Malivore said. "If you're going to let me leave after this, why are there so many of you here?"
"Maybe in case you try to double cross us?" Ryan said with amused indifference.
"Make them leave," Malivore demanded. "Or no deal."
Ryan crossed his arms and pretended to think it over, but he knew what needed to be done. Hope said it herself earlier. They would meet Malivore's demands—at least until he fell for the trap.
He turned his head to deliberately catch Alaric's eye, nodding affirmatively.
Hope would have looked to the older man before she looked to the others, he knew that instinctively. Alaric knew it too, just as he knew how to play along. He immediately backed away with a "let's go." MG and Josie followed his lead though they weren't happy about it.
Malivore looked at Lizzie, "You can go too."
Lizzie shrugged and turned.
"Ah ah ah," Malivore stopped her. "The cuffs."
"Whoops," Lizzie said, turning back to 'Hope' who held 'her' arms out. "Right."
She snapped the cuffs into place around Ryan's wrists.
"We'll be right outside," Lizzie said as if to reassure Hope while glancing pointedly at Malivore as she left.
"Right," Ryan said with a bored tone. "We're alone now, and, surprise," he held up his arms to jangle the chains, "I can't do magic. Are you going to move this along or should I call Lizzie back? Ask her to bring a picnic lunch?"
"Just one more thing," Malivore said, looking over his new vessel.
Hope stood quietly, giving away no emotion as events played out though she was impressed as hell with Ryan. He hadn't shown an ounce of fear the entire time. He spoke nonchalantly to his father as if the monster was beneath him, responding exactly how Hope would if she were really herself.
She made the right choice asking him to do this.
"Prove you're not toxic to it," Malivore said.
Hope flinched internally. Did Ryan know how to do that? She told Ryan what happened between her and Landon, but she never explicitly mentioned blood. She would know though. Malivore knew that.
"And how exactly do I do that?" Ryan asked.
No, no, no, Hope nearly groaned
"It's not like we keep any sharp objects in your cage," Ryan continued.
He knew! Hope would have breathed a sigh of relief if she could.
"Figure it out," Malivore shrugged, walking to one side of the cage and lounging back against the bars. "I'm not going to move from a vessel you care about to one you don't if you're toxic to it."
Fumbling with the chains, Ryan managed to bite his wrist in the exact spot Hope made him bite once before, figuring it was still healing so the skin would break easily enough.
He nearly attempted to make his eyes flash like a wolf would to pretend to use his canines, but he remembered at the last second that he was supposed to be wearing magic-canceling cuffs. Werewolves were magical.
Blood pooled on his wrist, and he walked to the vessel quickly, hoping it wasn't too obvious when he didn't heal as quickly as Hope would.
Grabbing one of the hands of the 'vessel', he placed its palm right over the cut and waited.
Nothing happened, of course.
"Hm."
The strange light in Malivore's eyes would have unsettled him if they really were giving him an immortal body impervious to the tribrid.
"Convinced yet?" Ryan gave him the bitchiest look he could muster.
"That you got it right on your first try? Not really," Malivore shrugged. "But worth a shot."
Ryan let go and backed away, making a show of waiting impatiently for him to proceed.
Hope was glad for only one thing at the moment.
That Malivore hadn't insisted she as the vessel be cut for the blood to be completely mixed with Hope's. She knew what Lizzie said, her theory that Hope wasn't toxic to Ryan like she was to Landon and Malivore, but there was no way she would put that to the test, not even for this plan.
Not even for Landon.
Malivore still made no move to take over the new vessel though.
"Still not sure what guarantee I have you'll actually let me go once I do this," he contemplated. "You and that brigade outside putting dangerous me on the streets? Not like you."
"Don't underestimate what I would do to get Landon back," Ryan said, knowing that was the truth. No matter how much Hope claimed things were over between her and Landon, he wouldn't believe it until he saw it. Not when she was literally doing all of this—and had even roped him into it—to save his brother.
"That, I believe," Malivore said. "It's the stupid squad outside giving me pause."
"Need I remind you, you still have Cleo?" Ryan said, hoping Malivore didn't try to talk more about her. He knew very little aside from Hope's disdain for her.
"Yet another reason to question my release," Malivore argued. "Why let me go when you have no guarantee I'll set her free?"
"You're going to do it," Ryan said. "Take over the new vessel."
"Think you can make me?" Malivore asked.
"I don't have to," Ryan shrugged remembering the earlier gleam in his father's eyes. "You're going to do it because you want to. Because my blood did nothing to the vessel. Even with the chance you may not be set free, you won't give up the opportunity to have an indestructible vessel—one that can't be destroyed by me."
"You think you know me so well."
He did.
Just like he knew it was now time to shut up. The more he talked, the more time Malivore had to convince himself not to do it. His father was ready to make the jump, his curiosity too great. The desire to be truly immortal, where not even Hope could stop him, clouded his judgment.
Malivore focused on the vessel and stepped forward.
Ryan could see Hope was doing an incredible job of remaining completely passive and emotionless, as a mindless vessel should be. She didn't know what was about to happen though…
Oh…
He realized she never asked how Malivore would take over the vessel, and he probably should have given some warning.
It wasn't going to be pleasant.
The average person had five million pores on their body, twenty thousand on their face alone—pores that were millions of tiny little openings to the body, not to mention the wider openings in the face such as eyes, nose, ears, and mouth.
To move in and out of a body, Malivore basically liquefied and passed through every uncovered opening he could find.
Black tendrils of liquid mud suddenly pooled from Landon's face through the bigger openings followed by the smaller ones.
The viscous goo drifted through the air from Landon to Hope and began the transfer.
He could tell the instant Hope froze up as she fought with herself to not fight off Malivore. He remembered his first inclination had been to fight to keep Father out too. Nothing he did worked, of course, but Hope fighting would've raised Malivore's suspicions.
Ryan focused and barely breathed as he waited for the moment Malivore realized he was tricked. That was when he and Hope needed to get to work.
Malivore didn't touch any blood at first, only existing within the skin cells, which was a bonus for them as Hope would have more of him to hold onto when the betrayal was revealed.
Hope felt overwhelmed and disgusted as she felt like she was drowning in Malivore goo. It was even worse than jumping into a pit of it because there was no escape. Her body quivered as she fought the urge to reject him. Entities had taken over her body before but that didn't make it any easier.
The moment he came into contact with her blood, he didn't just feel it, so did she.
The sizzle exploded pain through both of them.
He wasn't supposed to exist within her, and she wasn't supposed to let him in.
The mud screamed through her cells and tried to retreat with a vicious jerk.
The retreating hurt too.
She clamped down and held on despite the pain. She had to keep him inside of her until Landon was free. She had to.
Hope's entire body spasmed dramatically and was the sign Ryan was looking for.
He immediately grabbed Landon's shoulders and pulled him away from Hope, turning him as he went, forcing more of the mud to pull out of him as Hope wouldn't allow any give. Malivore may not move into Hope any further, but the further Landon moved away from Hope, the more Malivore was tugged from him.
Turning him meant the mud shifted from the front of Landon's face to the back of his head.
Landon's face was now visible and showed how frantic he was to be released too, he only had control of part of his body again but he understood the basic concept—pull away from Malivore as quickly as possible.
"He knows!" Landon exclaimed. "He knows you're not her! Keep pulling!"
Malivore may know he wasn't Hope, but he didn't know who he was—and hopefully never would.
As Hope struggled, holding on to her enemy for dear life, she felt a nudging at the edge of her mind. In the split second it took for her to realize what was happening, Malivore's mind delved into hers.
With her trying to pull him in, there was no way she could stop it fast enough.
Damn it.
Clever trick, he thought. You know this won't destroy me.
It's not meant to.
No, he mused. You only want to free your boyfriend.
She didn't respond; there was no need to. He was right. She wanted to free Landon.
I know I'm right, he laughed. It's a pity I have to go. Being privy to your thoughts is fascinating. But now I know what I came here for. The one thing you didn't want me to know.
And she flashed to his thoughts, realizing he came into her mind to find a way to get her to release him.
Her mind gave away the person behind her face.
He knew Ryan was alive.
She saw his next plan clearly inside her mind but she was powerless to do anything to stop it.
With a devastating surge, Malivore zoomed back into her body, flooding her, hurting them both as the mud further mixed with her blood, nearly completely releasing Landon, but Malivore didn't care about any of it.
He fought through the pain to take over her body enough to do what he wanted to do.
She struggled for a plan. She couldn't fight him off because he would just go back into Landon, but if she didn't fight him off…
He brought her wrist up to her mouth and bit down with all his might.
As the blood pooled, dripping down along her palm despite the rapidly healing skin beneath, she understood with perfect clarity what he was about to do and she fought.
She fought with everything in her to get him out of her.
But he wouldn't leave, not until he did this one last thing.
Covering her other hand in her blood too, he propelled her body towards both Ryan and Landon and forced her to touch both of their faces with her blood.
Nooo! she screamed in her mind as Landon's face shifted to the mess of mud. Ryan's face didn't shift, but the illusion ring was probably hiding it.
She slammed at Malivore inside of her, attempting to eject him from her body quickly so she could find a way to save Ryan.
Malivore had no problem leaving her now, not after he got his final revenge.
He immediately sludged back into Landon, which fixed his face back into place.
Hope, released of Malivore, took the ring off, flung it out of the cage and went to clean her blood off Ryan's face praying it didn't do the same thing to him as it did Landon.
Ryan was having trouble breathing.
He vaguely heard Landon say something to him as Hope came at them, but he was panicking. The blood on his face. Why would Father do that?
Because he knew who he was.
The blood, that's the way Landon dissolved before, wasn't it?
Was he going to dissolve?
Would he return to Malivore?
He couldn't do that again.
He couldn't live through that again.
He would rather die.
Breathe.
"You're okay!"
He fought his way through the fog, trying to make sense of the world around him.
He wasn't in the cage anymore. He was outside of the cage.
The door was locked again.
Landon was inside.
Malivore was inside Landon.
The plan had failed.
And Hope's blood was on his face.
He forgot how to breathe again.
"Breathe, Ryan!" he heard the words, but they didn't make sense.
What was happening?
"You're having a panic attack," more words came, ones that he thought he understood.
A panic attack? He never had one of those before.
Just like he never fainted at the sight of his own blood before.
He was human now.
And humans had panic attacks.
He could hear the laughter.
That made sense.
Father loved laughing at him.
"Ryan? You're okay," Hope pressed her forehead against his when he slumped forward struggling to breathe. "Lizzie was right. I'm not toxic to you. Can you hear me? You're okay. Breathe, Ryan!"
He felt her forehead pressed against his. He must be leaning down. His eyes connected with her worried blue—the clear beautiful blue that met his chocolate brown and felt like she was peering into his soul. But there's no way she could truly know what existed inside of him…
Hope wanted to get Ryan out of the gym but out of the cage was the best she could do with him about to collapse. At least she managed to get the handcuffs off of him.
Beneath the illusion, his face never dissolved like Landon's. Ryan would be okay. She didn't have to figure out a way to save him too.
She considered using a sleeping spell and carrying him out of there but it would be better for him to work through it.
"Being human has made him weaker," Malivore laughed. "Even more useless. Hardly thought that was possible."
Hope wanted to go back in that cage and rip his throat out. But it was Landon's throat, so she couldn't. Oh, but she wished she could.
"Being you're trapped where you are," Ryan forced the words in a choked gasp as awareness—and air—slowly returned, "You're not really in a position of strength or usefulness either."
"You know why your plan failed, right?" Malivore asked Hope. "Because you worked with him. He's always been a failure. He can't even die properly."
Hope bristled. Landon wouldn't feel it if she bashed in Malivore's face, would he?
"I think we're done here," Clarke entreated Hope. He had to get away. Father's words didn't bother him much anymore. It wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. But his mind was still reeling, trying to catch up with what just happened. His insides quivered and he still felt the fear. He needed to get away now.
"I know you," Malivore said, eyes gleaming. "I know everything about you. I know what makes you terrified."
Ryan trembled, though he tried to hide it. He knew Father. Calling him a failure didn't hurt, but there were other ways to hurt. "Let's go."
Hope nodded and gripped his hand, noting the trembling but chalked it up to the panic attack.
"Did you know he screamed for you?" Malivore asked snidely.
Ryan froze in place. Probably not the best reaction considering it made Hope stop to listen as Father revealed more about the pit than he ever wanted her to know.
Hope kept hold of his hand, bracing for another meltdown. She glared back at Malivore and saw him staring at her as he continued, all of his words clearly for her benefit.
"He screamed for you," Malivore repeated. "Trapped in the darkness, tortured every single day for what felt like an eternity, and that was what he did. He screamed your name, like you could actually hear him. Like somehow you would come save him from the darkness this time. Like you didn't leave him there the last time. But no matter how much he screamed, you never came."
Hope refused to let his words get to her, at least not as far as he could tell. Her heart ached for Ryan though. She never once asked him what the pit had been like for him, and he had never said a word besides his generic "existential agony" explanation back at Andie's cabin. That morning he gave both her and Lizzie the tiniest of glimpses into it, of how he was forced to relive moments from his life. She always thought of the darkness as being completely alone when she thought of being trapped in the pit. But she was quickly learning that wasn't true, at least not the second time around for him.
Was that her fault? Ryan said before that her presence in Malivore had changed things. Had she given Malivore the ability to be even more horrific than he already was?
She tugged Ryan along, making him walk again. Even though Malivore wasn't getting to her, he was definitely getting to him. For whatever reason, Ryan didn't want her to know about his time in the pit. Didn't want her to know he screamed for her help.
"He wants you, did you know that?" Malivore taunted.
Hope kept ignoring him even though she heard every word. She wasn't an idiot; she knew there was a reason Lizzie tried to convince her Ryan was a good rebound. There was something there. Something they both were great at avoiding.
Whatever it was, it was not Malivore's business.
"I'm not talking about Landon," Malivore kept speaking, raising his voice, still trying to get a rise out of them. He knew the deal was too good to be true, but he was still bitter about the entire thing. Using his words to get into their heads was the only power he still held at the moment. "Though there's no denying that one. We all know who was always first in your mind. For everything. I have access to the memories to prove it."
Disgust and hatred burned in Hope as she realized what he meant. His mocking knowing stare creeped through her like he was reliving one of the most private firsts of her life.
Which he was.
Her stomach rolled as nausea threatened. She gripped Ryan's hand harder without meaning to.
"Ironic, both of my sons in love with the only thing that can destroy me."
Ryan nearly choked and immediately turned to Hope, shaking his head in denial, his stomach in knots.
That wasn't something he ever wanted her to know. He distanced himself from her by calling her a kid, knowing damn well she was over eighteen. He was okay with the friendship that was building between them. No matter how much she insisted it was over between her and Landon, he knew she still loved his brother and he accepted that.
He was okay with just having her in his life any way he could for now. Even though he never felt it before for anyone, he was pretty sure he was in love with Hope.
But she didn't need to know that.
Hope saw the denial on his face and the relief was instant. Thank God. She didn't want him to love her. Ever.
She didn't want to give Malivore the pleasure of knowing he had gotten to her, even though he definitely had, but there was something she needed to say to Malivore.
She turned on him and glared, "Don't ever call them that. You're no father. You're nothing but a blob of mud that will dry up and disintegrate into nothing. You don't know anything about what it means to be human and alive, and you don't know what it means to have family."
"There's only one way for that to happen," he referred to his future death. "Are you willing to pay the price?"
"Ad somnom." She watched him fall to the floor in a deep sleep and wondered why she hadn't done that to begin with. Ryan didn't need to hear his snide words, and she didn't need to hear him bring up the memories, or that last truth.
The answer was no. She wasn't willing to pay the price for his death. Not yet anyway.
Not if they could find another way.
"Oh crap," Lizzie exclaimed when they burst through the doors and she saw Ryan had his true face. "What happened?"
"It didn't work." Hope glanced at the others, shaking her head. She was very conscious of how stiff Ryan still was even though his hand was shaking. She needed to take him away to some place private to help calm him down. She knew he was scared. She knew she needed to reassure him. He had done this for her; it was her turn to be there for him.
Josie bit her lip in frustration and MG sighed.
"Can you get the ring?" Hope asked the twins. "I threw it outside the cell somewhere. And put a stronger spell on the cage. I was in a rush. He's taking a nap."
Lizzie nodded, already knowing that meant Hope knocked him out.
"Did you find out anything?" Alaric questioned.
"Other than my ability to hold myself back from ripping his throat out? No." Hope shook her head. "It was a total wash. We'll regroup tomorrow."
"Where are you going?" Josie glanced at Hope's hand where it gripped Clarke's.
"I'll see you at dinner," was all Hope said as she walked briskly from the hall, Ryan following her every move.
She kept going until they reached the front lounge which was blissfully empty of other students since the rest of the school was still on the field trip.
Pushing him toward the couch, she waited until he sat before joining him.
It seemed the more time he had to think, the more anxious he became. Sitting wasn't helping. Instead, he leaned forward, gripping his thighs with his fingers, his mind clearly going back to what happened.
"Don't let him get to you," she offered a reassuring smile. "I know he'll say anything to get a reaction."
He nodded but didn't speak.
"Everything's going to be okay," she promised. "He won't hurt you ever again. I won't let him."
"That's a… pretty hefty promise," he finally spoke. "Think you're up to the challenge?"
"What do you think?"
He nodded again, trying to let her words calm him but it wasn't helping. If anyone could keep their promises, it was her.
But…
"You're still shaking," she stated the obvious.
He was. He couldn't keep his hands still. The nervous tick that usually stopped after a couple shakes, it wasn't stopping. He shook his hands out, about to push them into his pockets when she took them into her hands again.
"Talk to me," she insisted. "I know you're scared that he knows you're alive. I promise I won't let him hurt you. And if it's about what he said—"
"I did," he admitted. "I kept hoping you'd come, I knew it was pointless. I… hoped you would anyway."
She swallowed thickly. He had screamed for her.
"If I had known you were there, I would've come for you. I'd have found a way." She had to tell him that at least. She didn't know if there was a way—she definitely hadn't found one to help Landon or Cleo before now, though Landon's situation was vastly different—but she would have tried.
"That's what you say…" he tore his hands away and rubbed his face in aggravation.
"It's the truth." She was firm with the words. She would never lie to him, especially not about that. She would have tried.
He scoffed to himself, feeling the hysteria rising. "I don't know how to tell that what you're saying is real."
"I wouldn't lie. It's the truth."
"Not what's true, but what's real." He was shaking all over again. "You did. You did save me."
"I… what?"
"In the pit. I thought you came and saved me, but it wasn't you," he laughed at himself. "He made me believe it was. He created this elaborate illusion, making me think it was real. That I was free. But I wasn't. And now, I don't know what is real!"
He threw his hands in the air. "He could be playing with me right now, and I wouldn't know! What if I did go back to Malivore when your blood touched me? What if I never left in the first place? I thought for sure I had. I never said a thing to him about the Triad witch and the plan to come back as human. I thought I did, but what if it's an illusion? What if it's all been an illusion?!"
"You now that's not true. He would never have attacked you and tried to kill you if it was an illusion, remember?"
He paused and begrudgingly nodded. "So that was real. Coming back as human was real. Nearly dying was real. But what about now? What if I did dissolve, just like Landon, and I'm in Malivore, but he's making me think I'm not!?"
"I'm not toxic to you, Ryan," she insisted. "Want me to prove it to you again?" She held up her wrist, ready to bleed for him.
"If it's an illusion, it won't matter, your blood isn't real." He felt torn in a million directions. He wanted to believe he was free, but Father had manipulated him one too many times to believe it.
"The blood, Lizzie pointed it out to me before, but I wouldn't take the chance, but she was right. Ryan, listen to me. Remember the map? When I made you bite your wrist? When you know you were free? Remember when our blood mixed on the map?"
He nodded slowly.
"Your blood stayed the same! Because I'm not toxic to you, okay? I'm not toxic to you." She would say it all day if that's what he needed to hear.
He didn't reply, but from the way he sat stiffly as if he was bracing for the punchline to another one of Malivore's jokes, she knew she wasn't reaching him. Even though her words spelled the truth out plain as day, he still struggled to accept it. Could she really blame him? She was just beginning to understand the enormity of what he went through. When you couldn't trust your mind anymore, you were probably a heartbeat away from insanity.
She needed to reach him somehow.
"What do you need to prove this is real?" she finally asked. "That you're here with me. That Malivore isn't playing a trick on you. What happened before? When I saved you?"
"He... wouldn't let me be happy for long."
"How?"
"He made me think you rescued me and I did something and right after was the big reveal." He cringed as he remembered that part. The happiness he felt, it was real, so real, but it was just a trick.
"Then do it again, whatever you did."
"I can't." Not only did that mean kissing her, revealing too much, it also meant… if this wasn't real, then it really would be over. He wouldn't be free. Worse, he would know he wasn't free.
Maybe it was okay for this illusion to last a little longer.
"Yes, you can." She took his hands in hers again. "Do it again, Ryan, so I can prove to you this is all real."
He shook his head.
"Yes!" She insisted, shaking his arm.
"No!"
"Yes!" She was more stubborn than he was and she knew it. She would reach him, no matter how much he tried to push her away.
"No! Stop arguing with me!" He kept trying to pull away but she wouldn't let him go, and of course she was stronger than him.
The back and forth frustrated him, and he didn't want that either. He didn't want to argue with her. The illusion was what he wanted, but she was forcing him to confront his fears and, damn it, if she wouldn't let it go, the illusion might end anyway.
And then he would be trapped in hell without her at all.
"Fine!" He pushed his hands towards her instead of trying to pull away, catching her off guard so she let go enough for him to grab the back of her head and kiss her.
What began in fear, frustration, and annoyance, came to a screeching halt after the initial contact.
He froze with his lips on hers, waiting for her to pull away and punch him. She never pulled away though. She stayed still, letting his lips press against hers, and… he relaxed for the first time since everything went to hell in the gymnasium.
Hope was reeling. She told him to do whatever he had done again. This was what she asked for, wasn't it?
She never expected him to kiss her.
She especially didn't expect his kiss to silence the never ending storm inside her mind.
Was it the surprise of it all?
But, no… as he relaxed, so did she, and the kiss deepened softly, gently. He was hesitant, clearly trying to hold back, and she probably should pull away. This wasn't what she wanted. She knew that. She didn't want a relationship. She didn't want to care about anyone else. She didn't want him to care about her.
She didn't pull away though. It had been a long time since she felt anything real herself.
Instead, she relaxed further, silently encouraging him to stop holding back by attempting to deepen the kiss further, which he allowed for five heartbeats before tearing himself away.
He stared at her, as if waiting for her to disappear right in front of him.
She waited for her breathing to even out before trying to speak. She wasn't going to tell him she probably needed that kiss as much as he did. He needed it for his own peace of mind, to know that this was reality. She needed something real too.
"You kissed me in the illusion?" She started with the obvious, and then the worry began, remembering Malivore's words about him being in love with her.
"Yeah, but I was acting out of gratitude, caught up in the moment," he quickly explained, knowing what she was thinking. "Father claimed that was love but gratitude isn't love. Even I know that."
"Good. Don't love me. Ever." She needed to nip that possibility in the butt now. "Loving me is a death sentence, if you haven't figured that out yet."
He stared at her silently. He didn't believe that at all. He also didn't have a reply. Telling her that her warning was a little too late wasn't an option.
"Did you notice?" she asked.
"Notice what?" That she had kissed him back? He definitely noticed that.
"The kiss is over and you're still here."
He glanced around.
She was right. That kiss was light years better than the one in the illusion. There was no way Father would allow him to keep believing that was real. Malivore would never allow him that kind of happiness, not for long anyway.
"Hope!" Someone called from the other side of the hall, heels pattering along the floor as they approached.
"Now you really know it's real," Hope smiled at him. "Why would Malivore include Josie in an illusion of things that make you happy?"
He watched in a slightly dazed stupor as the darker twin appeared before them.
Hope was right.
The blood on the map, the kiss that just happened… the annoyed glare from the twin that hated him.
It was real. It wasn't an illusion.
He had been free, and he was still free.
"The students are back, along with Kaleb and we need to help calm him down. He's freaking out about Cleo now that the plan failed." Josie rushed the words out, trying not to read too much into how close Hope and Clarke were on that couch.
"Will you be okay for a few minutes?" Hope asked him, the concern on her face speaking volumes to him.
She didn't want to leave him if he was still in the middle of self-destructing.
He nodded, giving her the most reassuring smile he could muster, which was probably pretty reassuring considering she had successfully driven back all of his demons.
He was free.
Truly free.
And now he believed it too.
To be continued…
