Chapter 50
Kakashi and Guy were standing back to back ready to take on any more opponents. "I'm shocked, I didn't think so many Sound and Sand Jonin would infiltrate the village!" Guy exclaims as he pushes back another attack. "Just think about it, that's why it's called war." Kakashi explains bringing his kunai up preparing for the Jonin leaping in his direction. "I thought the Sand and Leaf were on good terms though!" Guy glowers as his fist meets the face of another Jonin. Before Kakashi could speak again he found his eyes widening as the Jonin who had just been in mid-leap towards him crashes into the stands with a gurgling cry. "Huh?" Guy makes a sound of question as he looks over his shoulder to see the Sand Jonin grabbing for a thin razor wire that dug into his neck like a blade. "What the." He mutters just before a low grunting emits from in front of Guy drawing the eyes of both Leaf Jonin.
Standing with her back to them her left hand clutching the arm of a Sound Jonin who was pressing his kunai further into her chest. Tendrils of her long black hair sticking to her skin as her newly acquired green vest was stained red from blood. Kakashi's eyes widen again as Guy gasps in startled shock taking in the sight of her white and black arm; leg warmers now sporting black and red colors. A deep inhuman growl rumbles from her small form as she drops lower towards the ground kicking the Jonin's feet from under him as she hunches more towards her left. Razor wire gleaming in the light as she pulls it taught yanking the ninja over her and sending him straight into the wall.
As she straightens up they watch her shoulders rise and fall from either exhaustion or pain. Her long black bangs sway with her movements before her swirling red hues meet their forms. Guy gasps at the sight of her glowing red eyes as she reaches up a blood-covered hand to the kunai still buried in her chest. "Tch, a hair lower, and that jerk would have hit my heart." She grumbles as she yanks the blade from her own skin. Tossing it over the heads of Guy and Kakashi just in time to catch another Sand Jonin in mid-leap for Kakashi.
"Kira?" Kakashi subconsciously questions bringing a nod from the girl in front of them just before she runs her bloodied fingers through her bangs causing them to flow over her eyes. Successfully blocking the glowing hues from sight.
"Enough small talk Sensei. Weren't you the one that told me not to drop my guard?" A faint smirk shows from beneath the edges of her bangs. "I've taken twenty-six. How have you done?"
"T. t. Twenty-six? But you… we are against Jonin level assailants." Guy utters, shock flowing freely in his tone just before he laughs and reaches to ruffle her hair. "Such Youthful vigor!" She smacks Guy's hand away from her head just in time to leap over him rewrapping her hands with her razor wire just to catch another assailant around their neck and pull him down with her.
"Make that twenty-seven." She smirks almost as if she was thoroughly enjoying the fighting they were having to do causing Kakashi's eyes to soften upon her form. Feeling that she is finally releasing the emotions she had been keeping pinned up and hidden beneath a fake mask. Yet deep down he knew there was more to it than that. The girl before him who had not long ago held fear within her heart of what she could be capable of. A girl that had fought her own instincts to kill from not wishing to take the life of another. His student who was so unsure about herself is gone.
Within eyes, Kakashi never knew she possessed was pain and anger barely lingering beneath the surface. A hatred swirling inside her threatening to take root. He watches in between his attacks as she continues to smile and even tends to giggle at times from the carnage around them. She was taking enjoyment in ending another's life. Casting the girl away who he had come to know, using her razor wire as she would have normally used her blades. Letting the wire slice through the skin of her attackers even at intervals putting more strength behind her assaults than Kakashi had thought would be possible coming from such a small girl. Sending heads rolling on the ground only seemed to further entice her strangely good mood. He was being drawn in with worry for his student's mental health as he wondered if this is the result of her torture.
The numbers dwindle quickly before the Jonin move down towards the railing of the stands. Asuma standing next to Kurenai, and Kakashi stands in between Kurenai and Guy. Shortly followed by a sudden blue and green streak now crouching down upon the railing just on the other side of the green beast himself. Another Jonin follows just after her to stand looking down at the arena. "I guess that's all of them." Guy was the first to break the now eerily silent arena.
"For now anyway." Kakashi responds as he places his foot on the railing and leans forward with his arm on his knee. Blood trailing down the side of his face. Kira glances over to her Sensei the smirk and enjoyment she had just been showing gone from her features.
"So this means the village won." She mutters before leaping down into the arena near where she had been initially fighting followed by Kakashi. As soon as he lands he rests his hand upon his student's shoulder as she looks up to the sky. "Do you think…"
"The others are fine." Kakashi interrupts her from knowing what she was going to ask as he watches her. She closes her bright red eyes taking in the small breeze blowing around them. She was wondering if she should have followed Sasuke even though she had felt sure that she didn't need to, a part of her was telling her otherwise.
"Look the barrier!" Guy points out as he and one of the others to join Kira and Kakashi in the arena.
"It's gone." Kakashi voices as he looks up a heavyweight lingering in his words. As if he too felt the same weight the proctor asks.
"Where's Lord Hokage?"
"Dead." Kira whispers drawing their gazes onto her. -I've known from the beginning of the exams that Orochimaru was going to bring the death of the Hokage. Maybe, what he had done wasn't the first betrayal. If I had told him everything I know for certain from the start it is possible he wouldn't be dead now.- She shakes her head before turning away from the others. -No, I learned in the death note world that there are things that cannot be changed. This was inevitable and was not my fault. This was a necessary outcome, I betrayed no one.- "It was inevitable. He was dead the moment he was separated from reinforcements. Fighting against someone half his age. While his own fighting prowess had dwindled with his own age, he stood no chance."
Silence followed Kira's words as the Jonin around her let the truth sink in. "Kakashi, they're pulling out. We should go after them!" Guy speaks up drawing the attention away from the chunin.
"Wait, Guy. I'm not so sure." Kakashi tells him as he turns to more face Guy.
"That's right, let's not be too hasty. If we rush in we might get snared in their traps." An Anbu speaks up as he stands next to Baki of the sand.
"What are you suggesting then?!" Guy questions as he too turns to face the Anbu along with the others except for Kira. "That we simply stand here and let the swine escape?! After what they've done to our village?! That's not the leaf shinobi way."
Kira shakes her head then looks towards the Anbu herself as she crosses her arms. "He is proposing that you do nothing so that Orochimaru can make his escape. Kabuto is being a distraction to bide his master time." The Anbu reaches up to remove his mask, as Kakashi steps up to Guy's side. Kabuto looks directly at Kira with a smirk.
"Well, aren't you the clever one? Time to call it a day." Kabuto says showing Kira had been correct with her assumption. Kakashi steps further forward.
"Are you going to run away from me again?"
"That would be too obvious. Why should I show my hand when it's so much fun keeping you in the dark. That eye of yours can't see everything, can it? Unlike the Uchiha clan, you haven't mastered it yet." Kakashi and the others glare at him before Kabuto's eyes fall on Kira again who was looking rather bored from the conversation. "Oh well." Kabuto speaks up as if speaking in answer to his own thoughts before he transports Baki and himself away from the Jonin. Shaking her head Kira turns away and leaps from the arena leaving the others behind unsure of what she should do now.
*
In the rain, I was setting on the Hokage faces overlooking the village. Just below me was the funeral on the roof of the Hokage building honoring the Hokage and all of the others that had died during the attack. On this day everyone gathered, united by the pain from having those they loved taken away from them. Closing my eyes my hand subconsciously sets where my pendant should be. Not mourning for those who died recently but those I have lost through time. The image of Light I had when I had been unconscious in the forest, told me that I should no longer hide. Even the Hokage when he had made me a chunin spoke of such a thing. I hadn't been ready to reveal myself for what I am even if those near me had been eagerly awaiting. Everyone wanted me to be myself but just like in the death note world I had hidden away wanting as many as possible to believe I was normal. My own actions drive me further into my loneliness as if I am afraid to leave the pit. Afraid that I will move on and forget. Why should I be afraid? When Light had put me into a coma he had even moved on with his life. He told me so himself after his son had been brought to him.
"To move on but never forget." I whisper as I lay down feeling the rain land over my form. "I don't think I can." If I were to move on that would mean I would give up my reason for existing. I would truly have no purpose. Is there a way I can keep the meaning of my existence and move forward? No matter how much I ponder that thought it still ends the same. To move on I would have to leave the past behind me as well. I would not strive to reunite with Light and keep him by my side for eternity.
Maybe I'm not afraid that allowing others to truly know me would mean I have to move on. Is it that I'm afraid that I will be excepted as Light excepted me? As if their acceptance would overshadow Light and push him from my heart. "Be the woman you fell in love with huh." I set up as the rain stops and look up towards the clouds. Noticing how the sun's rays are starting to peek through. "How am I supposed to do that? I'm not even sure I remember who that is anymore."
I sigh as I stand looking out over the village my chest feeling weighted by my own heavy heart. Leaping off of the Hokage mountain, I feel a tear trickle from my left eye. I will give up everything that I am and could be for Light. That is just how I've been since I had realized my feelings for him. It is time I stop hiding behind my own excuses of chemical imbalances or of fear. Light wants me to be who I was when we were together so I will most definitely try. I may not exactly remember everything about who I used to be but I can start with the little things. I keep my promises, I don't go back on my word, I hate lying.
In the death note, world Light and I took so many lives using the death note. We had used the lives of the guilty to manipulate and help achieve our goals. Leaving those who are innocent, kind, and hardworking to lead happy lives. I cannot say that not killing those who oppose me and stand in my way is who I am supposed to be. So I should no longer hold back. I will use those around me if I must in order to achieve my goals. I will punish those who deserve to be punished. These useless emotions will no longer hinder who I am supposed to be.
I smirk as I land upon the road feeling my long scarf whipping around from my sudden stop. First thing, I need to find myself again. I need to start by returning to my most basic of principles. I turn around in time to see the rest of team seven walking in my direction wearing all black from having gone to the funeral. It's funny, in the death note world my psyche had reached god-like proportions after Light and I had beat L. Everyone who I didn't see as family had been labeled as below me and not worth my time. The darkness had swallowed me whole so my insanity leveled with Light's. I am nearly a hundred years old and yet I'm still just as childish as I have ever been if not more so. Is it because in my family a hundred years is still an infant life? Or am I doomed to have a childish personality for eternity?
"Kira!" Naruto shouts pulling me from my thoughts. I place a hand on my hip just beneath my freshly cleaned green vest with a tilt of my head as I watch him run up to me while the others only continue to walk leisurely. Almost as if they themselves were lost to their own thoughts. "Kira, why weren't you at the funeral?" Naruto questions as he stops in front of me. I turn as the others catch up to him and begin to walk with Naruto at my side.
"Funerals bring back memories." I mutter not thinking I should tell him that today had brought all of my old pain flooding back.
"Huh? You've went to funerals before?" Naruto questions bringing a sigh from me. I would ask if he has to be so intrusive but it would be rather redundant for me to do so. This is part of Naruto's personality, it's who he is. I find myself shaking my head as I nearly giggle. My thoughts are all over the place. One second I am thinking I don't need these ties. That they are below me. The next second I am thinking about no longer hiding and telling them everything. "Huh?" He gives a sound of question as I stop walking to look up towards the steadily brightening sky.
Who I used to be. Would that be the me he had initially fallen in love with, or the me when we had married? In those times I had become two different people, right? No, I still clung to those I loved and cried over the loss. If that is the case then isn't my heart still the same as ever? Was it my outward emotions and reactions to certain things that made me different? I'm still unsure. But, I am loyal to those I care about to a fault. That I believe is something that will never change about me. A hand setting on my shoulder draws my attention back to them as I move my gaze from the sky to Kakashi's visible eye. As if he is silently reminding me that I am in the present and not the past.
Looking at my teammates I notice how Naruto and Sakura were looking in my direction with gentle smiles as Sasuke was trying to act like this didn't concern him, only watching me from the corner of his eyes. All of the things I had decided I need to do first shouldn't be firsts at all. I smirk before I begin walking again. Maybe I can move forward and still keep my goals. Yes, it's possible. First thing's first. I need to break into my savings and buy myself an apartment of my own. It's not like I can sleep in the trees or something. Then I need to find a way to keep my promise and get THAT scroll where it needs to go. I lift my gaze back up to the sky to watch the sun's rays as they grow. -Light, I will return to your side but not as the same person I had once been. I will be better.- This should have been obvious to me. No one can be exactly who they once were after going through so much.
There is only one way I can think of to better myself. In the death note world, I knew everything that was going to happen up until the point that the second season would have begun. I was able to not only set my plans to run with what would happen but also guess what may possibly happen. I would sit in my house debating for hours what I should plan in order to make the next step occur or how to prevent what I knew was already going to happen. On our way to the land of the waves, I had thought that back then I was at the top of my game. The best at what I had been doing. In reality, I wasn't. I was moving along with what I already knew. I knew things from the anime that those in that world knew nothing about. They were moving forward slowly unweaving the story on their own while I was pushing everything forward from already knowing what was going to happen. I may wish I never listened to Aphrodite and had watched the episodes I have here but in the end. She was correct.
In the death note world, I didn't grow. I never needed to go beyond what I already knew to try and learn anything else. I was never pushed too far from my area of comfort beyond all of the firsts I had been living through. Here, I remember important occurrences but nothing of what happens in between them. Like I knew Tazuna and the land of the waves but I forgot Zabuza and Haku. I remembered Orochimaru but I forgot when he would kill the third or when I would encounter him. I forgot Kabuto until I had seen him a second time. I know he uses Orochimaru as I know he will play a major part in the huge war that will end a lot of lives, but I'm not exactly sure how things get to that point. I do know a lot that I remember… I want to change. In this world, the blanks in my memory will force me to grow beyond what I am now. Here even if I knew everything I would still need to become strong in order to stay alive. This world is nothing like the other. I have no choice but to grow and move forward in life. I'll worry about how much I change at a later point in time.
My eyes widen at my own thoughts as I barely contain a gasp. If I were to continue on trying to be who I used to be I would get myself killed. I cannot continue to live in the past or there will be no future for me. I can't believe I never realized this before. I can cling to the love I had, I can aim for a future I desire but… I can't remain rooted in spot anymore. -Light, is this what you meant? That I lost the ability to love and had become uncertain of myself due to my not knowing exactly what is going to happen? That I am hindering my own growth living in the past rather than pushing forward and taking control of my own life? That you want me to move forward with my life but to never forget you. To allow these new ties to flourish without fear of losing you completely?- Maybe… just maybe I can become strong with these very people who are walking with me right now.
It should be possible. During the attack, I knew was going to happen and I had lost all of my insecurities. I fought openly just to protect those I have come to care about. I fought against Jonin level ninja without the fear of dying or fearing that I will become someone Light would hate. I survived not because I knew what was going to happen or that I was able to manipulate the world around me. I survived because of my own strength. A strength I never knew I had. All because of what has happened to me in this world. I was able to grasp ahold of the love I had buried deep in my heart and a hate I never knew was possible to feel. -Light, I think I am beginning to understand.- Which one made me stronger though? The will to protect those I have come to care about or the searing hate that is boiling inside of me even now?
*
In the morning I leave my new apartment for the second time today from having gone out training with Sasuke at dawn, sounds of early rising construction workers already beginning to echo around me. Luckily since the Hokage's death and the battle that had left the village in shambles, the Anbu have been out patrolling using more squads than they usually did so Aphrodite had not been home when I had retrieved my things from her apartment. I had taken everything of mine except for one particular thing that I left on her bed. My Ipad filled with my anime episodes. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of her possible reaction to finding I had moved out. I wonder if she would be sad, or even upset in the slightest. The thought of pain filling her blue eyes oddly filled me with a sense of satisfaction.
I knew if I stayed in that apartment I may have found a way to forgive her or at least begin to understand why she had turned against me as she had. I could have confronted her as to why she would hold me back for so long or why she had turned me over to be tortured. Why she had chosen the Hokage's wish to be younger over her own family, but that probably would have led to the entire building including Naruto's home to crumble into nothing. No, the bad blood between her and I shouldn't affect someone else's life as well. I was just lucky enough that with all that had happened there was housing still available.
I had spent my time last night thinking about my life. How it was and how it is now. I even found time to fill in the rest of THAT scroll so it was now more up to date especially now that I had taken a picture of a none too happy Uchiha. Giggling I turn away from my apartment and run through the village. Weaving and dodging the villagers that were now out and about. I had done my usual training this morning which I had even talked Sasuke into showing me his Chidori while doing so. Until missions start up again I will devote all of my time and energy into training. I had even given Sasuke the schedule I had made up so he would know where to find me if he needed or wanted to. At dawn I am to meet Sasuke at our training grounds then after a brief break, he would be able to find me at the river. In the early afternoon, he would be able to find me in a particular grove of trees, and then after another brief break, he and I will meet back up in our training grounds again. I am unsure if he can exercise his energy as I can, but I'm sure if he shows up he very well could try. Coming to a stop outside of a shop I take in the scent coming from it. Almost as if the sweet smell had hit me like a brick wall and made my mouth water.
I don't need to consume food or water as long as I intake my main source of nourishment but… Do I miss sweets? At the thought images of chocolate bars, cakes, cookies, and candies pop into my mind adding to my already large craving. Looking into the shop I find myself debating if I should try their dangos. They smell sweet as if they could taste like cake or maybe even like a donut, but I've never had Dango before so I can't be sure what they would taste like. Reaching into my pouch I pull out my wallet and look at the money I have left after buying my new apartment. "I hope missions start up again soon." I mutter with a sigh but judging by the amount in my wallet I should have enough for some.
Walking inside I nearly close my eyes with the thickening aroma of sweets. There weren't many in here at the moment though, which made me wonder if Dango's weren't as good as they smelled. So far a man was sitting by himself drinking tea. And two more people wearing black sitting at a table, two empty plates in front of them with a teacup each. That's a better sign than if no one in here had a plate in front of them. Moving further into the shop I look towards a lady that seemed to be cleaning empty tables almost as if she was only doing so for something to do. "An order of Dango's please." I speak up to catch her attention causing her to look up and smile.
"What type would you like Miss?" Her cheery voice flowed lightly causing me to smile as I avert my eyes from her. Feeling my cheeks heat up before rubbing the back of my neck just below my ponytail.
"Umm... Not sure. Anything sweet." She laughs lightly before turning away from the table in order to go into the back.
"Some green tea too please." I mention just before she disappears from sight with a wave to show she had heard me. Feeling eyes on me I turn around to see if I can figure out who was watching me. Whoever it was, made no outwardly move to signify their eyes being on me. So I find a place nearby to sit. Which so happen to be a booth just in front of the two wearing black. Pulling my legs into Indian style I retrieve a scroll from my pouch containing my recent thoughts on different jutsu I had seen being used. Including the hand signs, I had memorized from them.
It didn't take me long to waft down the sweets I had ordered. Their sticky sweet sauce balanced well and certainly hit the spot for my sweet tooth. The green tea's bitterness however dulled the sweetness of it, so I had to save my tea for after I finished my Dango sticks. In the time I had been at the Dango shop I had focused mainly on the Chidori. My initial thoughts of how it's done and running through the hand signs. I probably looked like an inexperienced genin. Practicing hand signs in between bites but I didn't care. I just wanted to make sure I would be able to complete them without having to think too much about what hand signs I need to do when I go to put my theories into play. After I was done with my dangos and tea I decided to move my training out of the village. I was now standing on a boat at the side of the river just outside of the village watching the flowing water and trying to remember how someone is supposed to walk on water.
