For everyone who was confused -- Rachel Brennan is Tom's wife. Tom is Kate's childhood sweetheart who got killed in the flashbacks in Born to Run.
Okay, I know most of you probably don't read my little author's notes before each chapter -- but you should read this one!
This chapter is especially dear to me because it's the reason Almost Home was written. One night in September while at work, I got the idea for this as a one-shot, but I knew it wouldn't work that way. I wanted to give people a story where they were connected to Jack and Kate, where they felt like they knew them and they were a part of them, and they wanted Jack and Kate to do everything in their power to stay together -- even when the odds were against them. I know that's probably a little overly sentimental, but I've become overly sentimental about this fic and the Jack and Kate I have created in it. So, in other words, every single previous chapter written in this story was written in order to lead up to this.
I'm not sure if some people will like this chapter -- or what is coming up after it, so I ask for your honest opinions.
Chapter 18
Kate opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Her eyes kept darting back and forth from Rachel to Jack, Jack to Rachel. They came to a rest on Jack's distraught face. She still couldn't make a sound.
Rachel pressed the gun harder against Jack's head. She spoke, her words loud and raspy, "Hey, Kate!"
Kate swallowed hard, "Rachel."
"Oh, good," Jack's voice came out strained. It crackled with emotion as he spoke, "You two know each other."
At the sound of his voice, tears sprung to Kate's eyes. She couldn't look into his eyes. "What -- what --" She still couldn't form a sentence.
"What am I doing here?" Rachel supplied. Her hand shook as she spoke, "Did a little research, Kate! I'm not an idiot. I know how you are! I didn't believe for a second you died when that plane went down. I knew there would always be someone for you to manipulate into helping you out!"
Rachel continued on, her voice growing louder with each syllable. She brushed her stringy blonde hair out of her face, "And then I read there had been a doctor on the island. A doctor! You just love doctors, don't you, Kate?"
Kate couldn't come up with words to respond. It was wore than just being speechless now. She could feel her heart pounding everywhere in her body. It wasn't just in her chest. It was in her fingertips, her arms, her legs, her ears, her head. She locked eyes with Jack. Letting out an anguished moan, she stepped forward, "Jack."
"You stay away!" Rachel warned, once again driving the gun into Jack's temple. Kate could see it indent his skin. And the way Rachel was holding onto the gun -- one little slip and she'd pulled the trigger on accident. "You stay away or I swear to God I'll shoot him right now! Before we get our chance to have a little chat."
Kate took a step back, her hands moving to cover her mouth. Her stomach was churning, she could feel the burning in her throat. She couldn't get sick though. She couldn't. Staring into Jack's eyes, she tried to communicate with him. His expression remained blank.
"Don't look at him right now," Rachel snapped. "You look at me. You can look at him when I shoot him. Did you think I'd let you get away with what you did, Kate? Did you think it would be that easy? When I heard about Jack, I knew that somehow you had sucked him into your trap, too! And I was right. I started calling here. The first few times Jack would answer but then one day. . . you did. So I kept calling back to make sure you stayed. And you did. And here I am!"
Rachel turned her attention to Jack. "Has she told you about Tom? About my Tom? Has Kate told you about how she killed my husband?"
Jack turned his head to look at Rachel. The gun now pressed into the middle of his forehead. Trying to keep his voice steady, he spoke, "Yes."
"All she is. . . all she will ever be is a manipulative bitch," Rachel informed Jack. He noticed her eyes had almost a rabid quality to them. "So I'm not just doing this to hurt her, Jack. I'm doing this for you too. So you can get away from her."
"Rachel," Kate tried to get her attention. Tears were now streaming down her face and she wondered if her words were even coherent. "Rachel, I --"
"You shut the hell up!" Rachel exploded, tears now threatening to spill down her own face. "You shut the hell up. He always loved you! Why wasn't that good enough for you? He never stopped loving you! Tom loved you more than me and I accepted that. I was so right for him and you -- you and the horrible train wreck that your life was. You were trash, Kate. Your family. Your mom and that sleaze she married. Everything about you. And he still loved you more. But that wasn't good enough for you. If you couldn't have him, no one could."
Rachel's attention now focused back on Jack. Her expression pleaded with him to understand, "When I found out I was pregnant, do you know what he said to me? Do you?"
Jack shook his head, doing his best to keep from glancing over to Kate. He could hear her sobs as he replied, "No. What did he say to you?"
"He said that if it was a girl, he wanted to name it Katie," Rachel's voice fell to a whisper as the tears that had pooled in her eyes finally cascaded down her flushed cheeks. Her words grew in anger as she once again turned to face Kate. "He wanted to name our baby after you!"
A thought raced across Kate's mind, "Where is Connor, Rachel?"
"Don't you ever say his name, damnit!" Rachel's eyes flashed and she erratically swung the gun around pointing it at Kate for a second before replacing it on Jack's head. "Do you understand? Never say his name!"
Kate frantically wiped at the tears on her face. "I was just --"
"Tell her to shut up!" Rachel screamed at Jack. She stepped in front of him, now pressing the gun between his eyes. "You tell her to shut the hell up right now, or you are dead."
"Kate," Jack's voice came out thick and full of emotion. "Shut up."
At Jack's words, Kate was pushed even farther over the edge. Sobs overtook her body and it took every ounce of willpower she had not to get sick. Even if she wanted to say something, she wouldn't have been able to.
"They took him away from me," Rachel told Jack, her voice breaking with sobs. "A few months after Tom died, they took my baby away from me. They said I was unstable. That Tom's death had messed me up. They made me stay in some hospital for awhile. I take six different pills a day. No one trusts me alone with him. They think I'll kill him. And myself. Connor lives with my sister now. I don't even have my son anymore!"
Kate pressed her palms hard against her eyes. It was all too much, it was all too much. Why wasn't this a nightmare? Why couldn't she just wake up?
"So don't you see, Kate?" Rachel faced her once again. "This is why I have to kill Jack. It's nothing against him, really. I'm sure he's a fairly decent guy. I mean, he fell into your trap just like Tom, so there must be something good about him, right? It's just that I have to take what you love away from you just like how you did to me. You can understand that, right?"
Kate tried as hard as she could to reign in her emotions. How was Jack remaining so calm, so stoic? There wasn't even a trace of tears in his eyes. Afraid to move closer to Jack, Kate clasped her hands together, trying to plead with Rachel, "Please, I'll do anything you want. Just don't hurt him. Please. He doesn't deserve this."
"No," Rachel shook her head, turning her attention back to Kate. "No, he probably doesn't. But did Tom?"
"No, Tom didn't deserve what happened to him," Kate agreed, shaking her head. Her voice shook, "I regret what happened every day, Rachel. Every day. I wish it had been me, not Tom. But please, please don't hurt Jack. That can't fix anything."
Tears slid down Rachel's face as she gave Kate a smug smile, "Do you love Jack, Kate?"
Kate wasn't sure what that had to do with anything. "Yes. Yes I do."
"And do you love him more than you loved Tom?" Rachel seemed to be getting ready to make a point.
"Yes," Kate's voice caught in her throat. "I love Jack more than I have ever loved anything in my life."
Rachel burst into hysterical laughter, "Then see! That's why I have to kill him."
She focused her attention on Jack again, placing the gun back between his eyes. "Alright. Let's get this over with, okay, Jack? I'll make it quick I promise."
Rachel's finger tightened around the trigger and Kate's mind flew into overdrive. "You can't! He has a baby! Do you want his baby to have to grow up without a father, just like Co -- just like your son? You wouldn't want to wish that on another innocent baby, would you?"
Pulling the gun slightly away from Jack, Rachel seemed to shrink a little. Her bloodshot eyes darted between the two. "It's true? You have a baby?"
Jack licked his lips, "Yeah. A little girl. She's, uh. She's with her mom right now."
Pressing her free hand against her forehead, Rachel squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh, God. Well, this does present a problem. The last thing I want is to make a little girl suffer just like my Connor is."
Seemingly deciding to come to a decision, Rachel looked up a bright smile on her face. She removed the gun from Jack's head, pointing it towards Kate, "I'll just kill you instead!"
Kate's world came to a halt once again, but this time she wasn't filled with the panic she had been when the gun was pressed to Jack. This would be better. This would be alright. Jack would live this way.
She was getting ready to respond when Jack's voice broke through. He was now standing up next to Rachel, "Are you sure you really want to pull that trigger?"
Rachel cast Jack an annoyed look, "Of course I do. I'd offer you a few moments to say good-bye, but I didn't get that with Tom."
"If you pull that trigger, Rachel," Jack said, his voice low and soothing. "You can kiss any chance of getting Connor back good-bye. Look at yourself first. You're obviously better. With just a little more work, Connor could live with you again. I could help you if you wanted."
Rachel seemed to consider his words, "You'd really help me?"
"Of course I would," Jack nodded for emphasis. "You just can't pull that trigger. I know everything she's done to you has been horrible, but she's already the cause of you losing your husband. Do you want her to be the cause of you losing your son forever too?"
Kate couldn't look at the two of them. She couldn't process what Jack was saying. She covered her eyes, hating that her sobs were louder than his words.
"But she's a horrible person," Rachel said. "She deserves some kind of punishment. It's not just fair to let her walk away."
"You're right. She is a manipulative bitch. She ruined Tom's life, your life, Connor's life. She has to be punished. But you don't have to be punished anymore. Let me thank you for helping me see how she was ruining my life before it was too late," Jack held out his hand. "Let me shoot her for you."
Kate's gaze flew back to Jack. The look on his face was positively menacing. How could Rachel have convinced him so easily?
Rachel happily handed the gun over to Jack. "I think that's an excellent idea!"
Jack checked over the gun, making sure it was ready to be fired. Before looking at her, he muttered, "Close your eyes, Kate."
Kate tried to speak, but the only sound she was able to emit was a guttural moan. The pain she was feeling now was so intense she didn't think she would even feel it when Jack shot her. She had thought all those words about herself a million times. But for Jack to say them -- she wanted him to shoot her, she wanted it to all be over. She stared at him in disbelief.
Jack raised the gun so it was pointed at her head. He raised his voice, "Close your eyes, Kate!"
Kate did as she was told, counting to five silently in her head. She was shocked to hear Jack do the exact same thing aloud.
"One. . . Two. . . Three. . .Four. . . Five."
Two shots rang out.
Kate didn't feel any pain. Why didn't she feel any pain? Her eyes wouldn't open though, would they? Yes, they would.
Forcing the heavy lids open she let out a cry at the scene before her. Rachel lay on the floor in an ever growing puddle of blood. Jack stood above her, his gun still poised.
Kate found her voice. "Oh, my God. What did you do? What did you do?"
Jack cleared his throat. When he turned towards Kate, tears shone in his eyes, "She was going to kill you, Kate."
"What did you do?" Kate repeated again, rushing over to them. She leaned down next to Rachel, "You have to save her. You have to save her!"
Before Kate could reach for Rachel's arm to feel for a pulse, Jack grabbed a hold of her, propelling her backwards, "Don't touch her! She's dead, Kate."
"What the hell?" Kate exploded, turning around and pummeling her fists against Jack's chest. "What in the hell did you think you were doing? Are you insane? She's dead, Jack. She's dead, she's dead, she's dead. We killed her."
Jack grabbed Kate by the wrists, waiting until she halted her struggling to speak. "I killed her, Kate. I killed her."
Kate yanked herself away from him, shaking her head spitefully. She couldn't even say anything else.
Letting out a long breath, Jack kneeled next to Rachel. "I need you to go get me some blankets and towels. Get the blankets we used when Sawyer was here. They already have bloodstains on them."
Kate stared at Jack, dumbfounded, "What are you talking about?"
"We have to wrap her up in something," Jack said, as though it were obvious. When Kate still didn't move, his voice rose, "Go do it now!"
Doing as she was told, Kate hurried as fast as she could upstairs. She knew exactly what Jack was planning on doing, but she wasn't sure she could believe it. Part of her was still praying this was all a horrible nightmare.
Dropping the blankets and towels on the floor next to Jack, Kate kneeled on the other side of Rachel. "Here," she whispered, reaching around to place her hands under Rachel. She was shocked at how little blood there seemed to be.
"Get away," Jack snapped. When Kate glanced up at him in surprise, Jack closed his eyes and took a couple deep breaths trying to calm himself down. When he spoke again, he words were softer, "I don't want you to have to do this, Kate. I can handle it."
"Jack," Kate tried. "I want to ---"
"Just let me do it," Jack whispered, shaking his head. "Please. Just let me take care of this."
Nodding silently, Kate leaned back against the couch, watching Jack in a semi-state of shock as he worked. When he had moved Rachel's body onto the blankets, she got a few supplies out of the laundry room and began to scrub at the carpet. By the time he had Rachel's body wrapped up, there were no spots left. Wasn't blood supposed to be hard to get out of things?
Jesus Christ, why was this so easy?
Jack lifted Rachel up, staring at Kate intently. "I'll be back in a couple hours. Don't worry and don't wait up."
"I'm going with you," Kate told him firmly, standing up. This was one point she was not going to budge on.
"No, Kate," Jack said, his expression just as intense as hers. "You are not."
Kate took another step forward. "I am going with you, Jack. That's the end of it. You don't get a choice."
Jack relented, nodding his approval. They walked outside to the car and Kate popped the trunk for Jack. While he placed Rachel in the trunk, Kate started the car. She heard Jack slam the trunk then watched as he quickly got into the driver's seat. "Jack, where are we taking her?"
He licked his lips, looking into her eyes as he answered her. "The cabin."
For the better part of their ride they were silent. Jack drove slowly, trying not to attract any attention. Kate wasn't bored on this ride, she wasn't anything. She didn't try to make jokes or even conversation. She didn't reach for the radio.
It wasn't until they were fifteen minutes away from their destination that she spoke. When she did, her voice was high-pitched and frantic, "The candles! I forgot the candles! They're still burning, how did I forget?"
Jack gave her a long look. Kate could tell from the look in his face that he was worried she might be hallucinating or worse. She half expected him to pull over to the side of the road and look into her eyes with a flashlight, making sure her pupils dilated correctly. The idea made her burst into hysterical laughter.
His concern grew as she spoke through her laughter, "I wanted us to take a bath. I thought we could have a romantic evening. Romantic!"
After a few moments Kate's laughter gave way to tears. She buried her head in her hands, trying to cry so that he wouldn't hear. Several seconds later, Jack spoke the words for the third time that night. "Close your eyes, Kate."
Kate glanced over at him, "Excuse me?"
Jack stopped the car, glaring at her. "Do you always need a goddamn explanation, Kate? Can't you ever just do what I ask? I don't want you to see it when we pass it! I want you to remember it as ours. Our special, perfect place. Now, close your eyes."
Kate did as she was told, squeezing them tight, feeling an intense burn as her angry tears were locked inside. It was several minutes before she heard Jack's voice again, "Okay. We're here."
Before Kate could unclick her seatbelt, Jack placed his hand over hers. "Stay in the car. You don't need to help me with this. I don't want you to have to do that."
Kate shook her head, "You can't be serious, Jack. You're not doing this alone. I'm not going to let you. Did you even bring any shovels to dig with?"
"I keep one in the trunk," Jack nodded. "A shovel, a flashlight and some blankets. Never know when you're going to break down or have to bury someone you just killed, I guess."
Kate watched as Jack banged his head back against his headrest several times. He burst into a frantic, loud laugh and rubbed his eyes. "Jesus Christ."
Distraught, Kate reached out for him. Her voice broke, and so did her heart, as she reached to touch his arm, "Jack, I --"
"We don't have time for this right now," Jack muttered, pulling his arm away from Kate. "Come on if you're helping. Let's get started."
Kate took a deep breath and followed Jack to the rear of the car. After opening the trunk, he reached in, took out the shovel and handed it to Kate. Kate watched as he wiped tiny beads of sweat off his forehead before leaning in to scoop up Rachel's body. Silently, they both walked into the woods.
He hadn't taken her up this far during their vacation. She wondered how many miles away from the cabin they were. Were they even still on Jack's property anymore? She was glad she didn't recognize this place. She didn't have to connect it to the cabin.
Jack stopped next to a large tree. "How about right here?"
"I think here's as good as anywhere," Kate nodded, watching Jack lay Rachel's wrapped up body on the wet ground.
Snow was falling all around them. The flakes weren't small and dainty like the ones Kate had seen during her stay in the cabin. These were thick, angry flakes. They fell in wet chunks and clung to her face and her hair, chilling her to the bone.
With a grunt, Kate dug the shovel into the frozen ground. It was harder than she thought it would be, and she felt weak.
"I've got it, baby," Jack said softly, taking the shovel from her gently. "I've got it."
Anytime Jack referred to Kate as some sort of pet name touched her, but this was too much. He had just killed someone for her and there he was, still speaking to her sweetly and gently. Still wanting to take on all the work. She leaned up against the tree and cried silently as Jack dug.
As the hole got deeper, so did the angry feeling that was simmering in Kate's stomach. Her tears soon changed from tears of love for Jack to tears of spite. Wiping away her tears violently, a new emotion took hold of her, and she flew at Jack, knocking him off guard. "What the hell did you think you were doing to me?"
Jack took several steps back, almost losing his balance. His eyes searched her face, desperately searching for some kind of answer. "What the hell are you talking about, Kate?"
"All that sh-t you said about me!" Kate yelled, trying to get her voice to rise above the howling of the wind. "You pointed a gun at me, Jack. You let me think you were going to shoot me!"
"You thought I was going to shoot you?" Jack exploded, throwing the shovel onto the ground. "You actually thought I was going to kill you, Kate? You believed that I meant those things I said about you?"
He stared at her in hateful disbelief for a few seconds before continuing, "You know how I feel about you, and you were still afraid of me? Don't you know me at all? I let you keep a cat! I hate cats. I have a cat living in my house for you, but you think I'd shoot you? Yeah. Okay."
"What was I supposed to think?" Kate said, her voice rising to a wail. "I was scared, Jack! And everything you said was true. I just thought you had figured out what I've known about myself all along. I don't see how you didn't."
Jack shook his head, trying to keep from saying something he'd regret. "Shut up, Kate. Just shut up."
Kate took her spot against the tree again, crying silently. Her tears of anger now mixed with ones of shame and hatred for herself. Her loathe for herself grew with every stab into the ground Jack made. When he had dug a deep enough hole, he picked Rachel's body back up and set her down in it. Without glancing at Kate, he began to shovel the dirt back over her.
Wiping her tears away, Kate kneeled on the ground moving the loose dirt back over the hole with her hands. She worked for several seconds before Jack spoke, "You don't have to do that, Kate."
"It's alright," Kate said, wiping a curl that had stuck to her cheek out of her eyes. "I need to help you."
Jack was quiet for several more minutes. She couldn't quite read the tone in his voice when he spoke, "That was pretty quick thinking, coming up with that story about the baby. How'd you manage that?"
Kate bit her lip, refusing to let herself cry again. "I'm a pretty quick thinker. I knew what the one thing she felt left connected to was and I just -- I couldn't let her hurt you, Jack. I had to come up with something."
Jack stopped shoveling and Kate looked up to meet his gaze. The look on his face was one of hurt mixed with sympathy. Kate felt like a bolt of lightning stuck through her. . . he knew.
What was worse was he knew and she could tell he wasn't mad at her. Jack felt sorry for her. The idea of that was too much for Kate. The entire night had become too much. Another wave of sobs beginning to rack her body, Kate stood up and began to walk quickly away. She got as far as she could before she couldn't hold it in anymore. Supporting herself against a tree, Kate threw up.
Jack was right behind her. With one hand he gathered all of her hair and held it back. The other rubbed her back and neck softly as he whispered comforting words. She couldn't make out what he was saying, but she was sure it was something much kinder than she deserved.
When Kate felt reasonably better and had calmed down some, she stood up straight again, meeting Jack's open embrace. He held her close for several minutes, before pulling away just slightly and whispering, "Let me take you to the car, Katie."
Kate shook her head, holding onto his arm for support. "No. I need to help you. I'm alright."
"Let me take you to the car," Jack said softly, pulling her into him, letting her use him for support. She wrapped an arm around his waist and they walked slowly towards the car. Once Jack had made sure Kate was securely inside, he disappeared back into the shadows.
If at that moment Kate had any concept of time, she would have known that Jack returned in less than ten minutes. In her mind, it felt like ten hours. She tried to sing a song under her breath. She tried to play out her favorite movie in her mind. She even closed her eyes and tried to conjure up memories of her and Jack when they had first met on the beach. Everything was useless.
As soon as Jack got back into the car, Kate let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "Is everything good?"
What kind of idiotic question was that?
Jack's expression clearly showed that he shared Kate's opinion of her question, even if he wouldn't voice it. "Everything. . . yeah. Let's just get home, Kate."
The ride home was just as silent as the ride there. Not as tense though. About a third of the way home Jack reached over and took Kate's hand. Neither one of them let go for the duration of the ride.
When they reached the house they both got out of the car slowly. Jack unlocked the door and they walked upstairs in silence. When they reached the bedroom, Kate glanced down at her clothes for the first time. They were filthy. Mud was caked everywhere, and she noticed a few blood splatters. A new wave of nausea rose over her.
Glancing over towards Jack she saw his were even worse than hers. More mud, and the left sleeve was almost completely soaked red. Slipping out of her pants and yanking her sweater over her head, Kate decided she wasn't even going to try to wash them. They were going out with the trash the next morning.
Kate followed Jack into the bathroom, sitting down in the closed toilet lid. Still clothed in nothing but the tank top she'd been wearing under her sweater and her underwear, she began to shiver from the cold. Jack turned on the shower, then kneeled in front of her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, leaning forward, her body slumping over. "I'm so sorry, Jack. This is all my fault. I never imagined that she would --"
Jack placed a finger over her lips, interrupting her, "Who shot her, Kate?"
Kate glanced up into his eyes, hers showing her surprise. "What?"
Reaching up, Jack cupped her face in his hands. "Who shot her?"
Shaking her head, Kate felt tears begin to slip down her cheeks again. "None of this would have ever happened if I hadn't been here, Jack! She just wanted you because of me. I told you I would end up messing things up for you. I'm sorry, Jack. I never should have put you in this kind of situation."
"Kate," Jack repeated, keeping his voice level, not seeming to soak in anything she was saying. "Answer me. Who shot her?"
Kate met his gaze for a few seconds, before having to glance away, pained. "You did."
"And who's fault does that make all this?" Jack continued.
"It's mine!" Kate told him, her voice raising. She tried to stand up but he held her down. "If I had never come here, if I'd never gotten you involved, this never would have happened. You can't say it's not my fault."
"I chose to pull that trigger," Jack said roughly. He took a hold of her face again, making her look into his eyes. "It was my decision. Tell me it's my fault."
"Jack," Kate's voice cracked and she shook her head. She knew he wasn't going to budge. Keeping her eyes locked on his, she whispered, "It's your fault."
"Promise me you're not going to blame yourself," Jack told her. "I'm not going to be able to live with it if you do. Promise me."
"I promise," Kate whispered, knowing that Jack probably knew full well she didn't mean. He just needed to hear her say it.
Jack stood up, quickly discarding his clothes. He took Kate, who was still shivering, by the hand and helped her finish undressing herself. "Let's get your warm, okay?"
She nodded her silent agreement, stepping into the shower with Jack, ready to wash away the dirt and misery of the horrific night.
Kate leaned her head against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her as they stood under the cascading water. Craving the familiarity of Jack's body, Kate molded herself closer to him. It amazed her how even though everything else had spun out of control that evening, Jack was still there, his love and embrace the only constant in her life.
The fact that she knew she didn't deserve it made Kate even more desperate to hang on.
One moment they were standing there, huddled close together, both trying to stand under the stream of too-hot water, and the next Kate was kissing Jack hard, almost violently. Jack nearly slipped and fell over, taking them both down, as she knocked him back against the shower wall. He didn't even know when the transition had come. It was like he had blinked and missed it.
Wrapping one arm around Jack's neck, Kate reached behind her with the other, frantically grabbing for the faucet, trying to shut the water off.
She finally succeeded and they stumbled out the bathtub, almost taking the curtain down with them. Kate tried to step gracefully out, but Jack lifted her up and set her clumsily down on the ground, never once breaking the kiss.
There was a slight fumbling as Kate and Jack both grabbed for the same towel, breaking their frenzy of needy kisses just long enough to dry themselves off enough so they weren't dripping water everywhere. They crashed through the bathroom door back into the bedroom.
The sensible side of Jack was warning him to stop. This wasn't the time for sex. Especially not this crazy, near animalistic, behavior that Kate had never displayed before. They should talk. They should discuss. They should rationalize. But as her still mostly damp body pressed up against his as they collapsed onto the bed, sensibility disappeared. They should be doing exactly what they were doing. Right now.
Right now. Right now. "Right now," she was whispering against his lips, her voice thick with desperation.
But the condoms. The condoms were all the way over on the dresser. Damn it. They didn't even need those anymore, did they? Jack wasn't sure if he had only thought the words or actually spoken them, but either way he could tell Kate knew what he was thinking. He commanded his brain to shut down and focus only on her.
"Right now," she whispered again, more urgently, coming down on him hard.
They moved quickly, their motions neither smooth or in sync. The only thing that blended well together was their voices, their gasps, their moans. It didn't matter, Jack found himself thinking. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing but her. Nothing but them together.
Kate reached her peak first, collapsing down on him with a loud cry. Jack followed quickly after. He held her for several minutes, listening to the sound of both their heavy breaths blending together.
Jack traced the outline of her backbone, feeling the steady rise and fall of her breathing give way to shaking as she began to sob against him. He tried to whisper comforting words, but found he had none.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Kate repeated pitifully, over and over between sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
There was only one thing he could say to her. "I love you," was all he had to offer. "I love you."
Their tears and words mixed together, slowly lulling the other into a restless sleep.
