Chapter 19 is here. As usual, it's a pretty emotional chapter. It took awhile to write, but I like how it turned out and I hope you all do too. There's only two chapters left now!
Enjoy!
Chapter 19
Jack and Kate didn't touch for over a week.
They slept as far away as possible from each other in their bed. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were ate in silence. Their conversations they did have didn't range any further than topics about the weather. Jack dove headfirst back into work, submerging himself in everyone else's pain, trying to forget his own. Kate would lay in bed awake, waiting to see what time he would return home. Each day he had worked he hadn't made it home until after four in the morning. Part of her wondered if he was really working.
When he was home, Jack would disappear into his study for hours at a time. Kate would sit alone outside the room and listen to the occasional tinkling of his piano keys, sending out a melancholy melody through the door into her heart.
For five mornings in a row, Jack had awoken to the sound of Kate getting sick in the bathroom. He still wasn't sure he was ready to accept what that meant. Jack didn't ask Kate any questions about it; Kate didn't offer any explanations.
Walking into the bedroom, doing his best not to wake Kate, Jack saw that the digital clock's bright red numbers were blaring 4:07 at him. Sh-t, where did the time go? Tugging off his tie, Jack tossed it on the floor. He collapsed onto the bed next to her, feeling to tired to take the rest of his clothes off.
Kate shifted next to him, trying to stifle a yawn. Her attempt was useless and she saw Jack roll to his side to face her. "Sorry I woke you up."
She had never fallen asleep. "No big deal. I've been sleeping all day anyway. I'm not too tired. I might go see what's on TV."
"Get a movie if you want," Jack said, rubbing his closed eyes. "I ordered one last night when I got home and couldn't sleep. Can't remember what it was, but if you don't want to see it, get what you want."
Kate leaned against the doorframe, trying to fight tears. Get a movie if you want. No stay in bed with me. No let me hold you. Not even a why the hell are you running away. Just a see you later, I'd rather be alone anyway.
She was sick of it. Stepping back into the room, she whispered, "What's been going on at the hospital."
Jack opened his eyes and gave her a look that clearly said he didn't want to discuss it. He was tired.
Kate wasn't ready to budge. "You haven't gotten home until four AM the past three nights, Jack. What's going on?"
Jack sighed, rubbing his eyes again. Kate couldn't see his face clearly, but she guessed he had circles under them to match hers. "There's this single mom. We have her little boy; we're running a bunch of tests before we do surgery on him. Chances are it won't even work, it's just a lost cause, but she won't give up. She wants more than anything for him to be able to walk, to have a normal life. She doesn't really have any family and she doesn't like to be alone. I sit with her until she falls asleep."
Even though Kate felt as if she should feel sorry for this poor woman and her sick son, she couldn't help but feel anything but anger. Anger at Jack for spending time with another woman. Anger at Jack for thinking that someone else needs company because they can't sleep, but it's okay to leave her at home alone. She cleared her throat, "Jack Shephard. Always the good guy. Probably the only man alive who would tell the truth about being with another woman."
As Jack sat up, Kate could tell she had annoyed him. Good. At least she had gotten some reaction from him. Anything was better than the nothing he had given her lately.
"What the hell is your problem, Kate?" Jack snapped. Now he didn't even feel like sleeping. Standing up he finished unbuttoning his shirt and threw it into a pile of shirts he had worn that week. Apparently, Kate hadn't felt like doing laundry. "Her son could die. He'll never walk again! All she wants is a little sympathy, a shoulder to cry on. You think you'd be able to understand that. I'm just being nice, Kate. What is wrong with you?"
"Just being nice?" Kate exploded. She wanted to make him angry. She almost wanted to make him hate her. "So that's what they're calling it these days?"
Jack took a step towards her. "Are you accusing me of cheating on you?"
"What's it matter?" Kate demanded. "It's not like we're even really together anyway, right?"
Kate didn't think she could have gotten a better version of the reaction she wanted from him if she had slapped him. So then why was it as he stared at her, looking more hurt than she'd ever seen, didn't she feel gratification. It had been what she wanted.
He leaned down close to her face. "I'm going to pretend like you never said that."
"Why?" Kate wanted to stop, but the words just kept coming. "I meant it. It's the truth. Why go on living this fake life, Jack? Let's just get it all out in the open. Little Miss Hospital Mommy has all the qualifications needed for a real relationship, doesn't she, Jack? She's okay with going out in public, so obviously she hasn't killed anyone! She's single! Even better, she comes complete with a kid. Dream come true!"
Halfway through her rant Jack had begun telling her to stop, his voice growing louder with each point Kate made. When she stopped talking, he met her gaze. "You done now?"
Kate shook her head. "And I'm guessing there's no one she needs you to kill for her, right?"
She hated the look on Jack's face when she delivered her last blow. Kate knew she had crossed the line but she was so desperate for any kind of contact with him that she just kept pushing. She wiped away a runaway tear and repeated, "Right?"
"You know what, Kate?" Jack asked, his voice falling to a near whisper. "You can stand here and you can cry all you want, and you can be angry all you want, you can think whatever you want about me, okay? But know this -- I would do what I did again in a second if it meant saving you."
Jack turned away from her, going to dig in a drawer for his old Columbia t-shirt, not wanting to look at her. Wiping away her tears, Kate spoke up, "But you shouldn't. You shouldn't have done what you did. You should have just let her kill me. Look what it's done to us. Look what it's done to you."
"I am sorry, Kate," Jack said, his voice rising to a yell again. "I am sorry that I am having such a hard time dealing with the fact that I killed someone! I guess it's just not as easy for some people as it is for others."
That shut Kate up. She stood there in silence, not wanting to believe he had said what he just had, no matter how much she deserved it. Struggling against the lump in her throat, she took a step towards him yelling, "I've ruined your life! Say it! Go ahead. Tell me I've ruined your life!"
"You're ruined my life!" Jack exploded, stepping to where he was right in front of her face. "You ruined it. Happy now? You've wrecked me!"
They stood there, toe to toe, for what seemed like forever. The only sound in the room was that of their heavy breathing. After a few seconds Jack turned from Kate and returned to his search for his shirt, "Don't you ever say anything again about me letting her shoot you. Ever. Where the hell is my Columbia shirt."
Kate wasn't in the mood to answer that it was under the hoodie was wearing, and she doubted Jack wanted to hear it. Pressing her palms to her eyes, she whispered, "I don't know."
Jack didn't speak as he continued rifling through his drawers, banging each of them shut when he couldn't find what he was looking for. Finally, Kate spoke again, "And this woman at the hospital. She has something for you to fix, doesn't she? You finally figured out that no matter how hard you try, I can't be fixed!"
"Don't you start that sh-t," Jack spat out, turning around to face her. "Don't you even play it like Sarah, Kate. You know that's not why I'm with you so you can stop trying to piss me off by mentioning her! You have me upset enough already, you sure as hell don't need to go there."
Rubbing her temple, Kate closed her eyes. After a few moments she heard a shriek from the cat and a slew of profanity from Jack. She opened her eyes just in time to see Jack kick Boo. With another shriek, Boo darted from the bedroom. "You don't have to take the fact that you're mad at me out on the cat!"
"It's not because I'm mad at you!" Jack yelled. "I'm not! I just hate the cat. I hate him. I don't know why the hell I let you keep it. You know what? You need to get rid of it. Boo can't stay here anymore."
Kate gave Jack a pleading look, silently asking him to stop. She wished she hadn't started this fight. She should have let them go on just not talking. But it was too late to go back now. She reached out for his arm, needing to touch him, "Jack. . ."
Jack moved out of the way before she could touch him. "I'm so sick of this. All of it. The secrets and the lies and. . . you actually thought I was going to shoot you, Kate. How could you have thought that? I guess we really don't know each other after all this time. This constant back and forth, all this fighting. The feeling I get when I'm with you now, Kate. I just can't do it anymore."
"I think --" He paused, looking up into her eyes, his own shining with tears. "I think your welcome is about worn out."
Kate could no longer take the look on his face or the swirling in her stomach at that point. Covering her mouth, she hurried into the bathroom, making it just in time. This time, unlike the five previous mornings, Jack didn't ignore her.
When Kate leaned away from the toilet, Jack handed her a cup of water and smoothed her hair back from her forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about this past week. I'm sorry I haven't done enough to make you trust me. I'm so sorry, Kate."
"I'm sorry," Kate whispered back, wiping a tear off Jack's cheek. "This is all my fault, Jack. I didn't mean what I said, I don't know what's wrong with me. I just wanted to talk to you again and the only way I knew how was to make you mad at me."
"Don't apologize," Jack whispered, leaning over and kissing her on top of her head. He leaned back and sat against the wall, the two of them just staring at each other for several seconds before Jack spoke up again.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Kate arched an eyebrow, confused. "Talk about what?"
Jack sighed, giving her that same sad, sympathetic look. "Talk about the reason you've been getting sick every morning, Kate. Talk about the reason you made up a story about me having a baby. You know what we need to talk about."
"I've just been stressed," Kate said, noticing how panicked her voice came out. "There's no reason other than that. And I told you why I made that story up -- it's the only way I knew how to get her to stop."
Jack's expression didn't waver. "How long has it been since you've had a period, Kate?"
Tearing her gaze away from his, Kate shrugged. "Awhile."
Jack sighed, letting his head bang back against the wall. "How long have you known about this?"
"Known about what?" Kate demanded, standing up and feeling the anger swell in her again. "I don't know about anything! What are you talking about?"
Jack stood up, crossing the bathroom to take hold of her hands. "How long have you suspected you were pregnant, Kate?"
"I'm not --" Kate yanked her hands out of his. "I don't --" She couldn't find any words to say and just shook her head, glancing away from him.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jack asked softly, reaching up and brushing his thumbs across her cheeks. "You know you can tell me anything, Kate. This is something you should have told me."
Kate squeezed her way past him, moving out of the bathroom. She kept her eyes down, speaking quickly, "I don't know what you're talking about, Jack."
"Kate," Jack said quietly, following her into the bedroom. "Don't do this. Not about something this important. Just talk to me about it, please. It's okay. Maybe having a baby wouldn't be--"
Kate turned around, her eyes shining with tears. Squeezing them shut, she balled her hands into fists and whispered fiercely, "Stop saying it out loud."
"It'll be okay," Jack said softly, closing the distance between them in one step. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to pull her into a hug. "We can make it work. We will make it work. It might even be for the best, Kate. Can you imagine a little --"
"Stop it," Kate pleaded, pushing him away from her. "Just stop it. It won't be okay, Jack. You know that there's no way we can have a baby. I can't -- we can't --"
"Yes, we can," Jack said softly, reaching for her again. "You would make a great mom, Kate. You really would. You're so caring and I know you're scared but--"
"I am not scared!" Kate yelled, holding her arm out as a warning for him to stay away. "I am not scared. And I am not having this baby."
A wounded look passed across Jack's face. Her words had left him momentarily speechless. He knew how scared she was. He could tell by the look on her face. Hell, he was scared, too. All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and promise her it would work, that everything would be okay.
"We can move, Kate," Jack whispered, stepping back to give her space. "We can move anywhere you want. No one has to know who we are. It can be just me and you and our baby. Anything you want, Kate."
"I don't want this baby!" Kate yelled, shaking her head as tears began to cascade down her crumpled face. "Can you understand me? I don't want to have this baby. I don't want to have your baby, Jack. Not right now, not ever."
Jack stared at her in disbelief for a few seconds. "Kate, you don't --"
"I mean it, Jack," Kate whispered, hating herself for meaning the exactly opposite. Hating herself for not being able to tell him what she really meant, for getting them into this situation, and for just not being able to have what she really wanted. "I don't want it."
Jack's face contorted and tears filled his eyes, and he looked away from her. Walking over to his dresser, he quickly swiped his arm across it, sending cologne bottles, a stick of deodorant, a few pens and other various objects flying across the room. Kate's startled gasp only added more fuel to his fire. Making his way across the room he knocked the phone off the bedside table. Still filled with more anger than he knew what to do with, he kicked it over. In one last surge of raw emotion, he banged his fist into the wall, denting it just slightly.
The room was completely silent except for his ragged breathing.
"Jack," Kate whispered. "I just -- I"
Jack turned around, staring at her intently. She could see small tears in the corners of his eyes. "Don't. I know exactly what you're thinking. I guess that's the price I pay for getting so close to you these past few months. I can tell exactly what every expression you have means, I know every thought that goes through your head."
Kate shook her head, her arms crossed tightly in front of her. She wouldn't say anything else. She refused. She'd just stand there and cry silently, letting Jack get all his anger out of his system. What the hell had she been thinking all those months ago, showing up in his office, disturbing his perfect universe.
"And you know what?" Jack whispered menacingly, leaning down so that his face was right in front of hers. "I wish you had gone to him, too."
A choking sob bubbled it's way out of Kate's throat. "I hate you. I hate you."
"Yeah?" Jack asked, turning back towards the wall. "I hate me, too."
After a few seconds had passed, Kate spoke softly, "I think it might be best if I go."
Jack sighed, not turning around to look at her. "Yeah, Kate. I think so."
Her eyes blurry with tears, Kate turned, leaving the room. As she hurried down the stairs she forced herself to not look back. The sound of something breaking echoed through the house but as Kate didn't let herself think about what it might be as she forced herself to walk through the front door. It was pitch black and it had begun to drizzle, but Kate couldn't feel it. She was numb all over. Everywhere but her heart.
Jack paced around the house for two hours. He was too jittery to even think about picking up the mess he had made in the bedroom. He was too nauseous to try to eat anything. His body wouldn't remain still for long enough for him to sit down. So he just walked from room to room, his eyes falling on clock after clock. The minutes, the seconds, drug by.
What had he been thinking letting her leave? He hadn't thought, that's what it was. He'd been so absorbed in his own pain that he hadn't stopped long enough to consider hers. And why wasn't he chasing after her yet? Because he thought she didn't want him to find her? He knew that wasn't true. He half expected Kate to walk back through the front door any minute.
But she hadn't. And deep down he doubted she would. If Kate was going to come back, Jack was going to have to go find her.
Feeling too sick to stand up, Jack stumbled to the couch. He placed his hands over his eyes, trying to control the pulsing in his head. Was she warm enough? What had she been wearing when she left? As hard as he tried, Jack couldn't remember. Where was she going to sleep? What would ---
From beside Jack came a pitiful, "mew." Glancing over, he saw Boo staring at him forlornly. With a sigh Jack leaned over, scratching him atop his snowy head. "Yeah, buddy. I miss her too."
That was enough. He never should have waited so long to go after her in the first place. Standing up, Jack reached for his money clip he had tossed on the coffee table when he got home from work. It wasn't there.
Had he put it somewhere else? His gaze shifted to the bookshelf and then the hutch. He had been positive he had thrown it down on the coffee table.
It hit him. Kate had taken it.
A surge of relief shot through Jack. She had money. She wasn't sleeping under a bridge; she had probably found a place to stay. Feeling a rush of adrenaline, Jack grabbed his keys, almost forgetting to lock the door behind him on his way out. He peeled out of the driveway, not bothering with a seatbelt.
The first three motels looked at his as if he was some kind of stalker, then had gruffly told him no, his girlfriend had not been there. The next two places he passed were too nice, out of the price range he knew Kate could afford with the money she had on her. Finally he came upon a place even seedier than the first three he had tried. After taking up two parking spaces with his rushed parking job, he hurried to the front desk.
A gray-haired man in his early sixties stared at Jack warily as he entered the room. Jack realized he probably was dressed nicer and looked much more clean cut than the man's usual cliental.
His suspicions were confirmed when the man spoke, "We don't rent out rooms by the hour, son, so if you're looking for a place for a rendezvous, there's another place down the street who does."
Jack shook his head, "I'm looking for someone who might have checked in a few hours ago. Her name's Kate. She has dark hair and --"
"We can't tell you who we rent rooms to, son," the man, who according to the sign on the wall was apparently named Gus, shook his head. "And even if we could, you'd have to provide us with a last name of the person."
Jack could tell by the look on Gus's face that a dark-haired Kate had very much checked into his motel that night. "Listen, we had a fight. I really need to talk to her, it's important. Can't you just call her room or something?"
"No can do," Gus informed Jack. "No last name, no answers."
With a sigh Jack rubbed his eyes with his palms. Even though Jack doubted this man had ever read a police report or watched any kind of cop show in his life, Kate never would have given her real last name. She was too careful for that. He was almost surprised she had even registered under Kate.
Looking back up at the man, Jack offered him a last name. The man's brow crinkled and he let out a sigh. "You her husband or something? You don't beat her, do you? 'Cause if you do, I am bound by law to call in the authorities."
"No, I don't beat her!" Jack was on the verge of losing all patience. "We just had a stupid fight! We both said some things we shouldn't have and she left. Now I need to talk to her. It's that simple. I just -- please tell me what room she's in. I'm not asking you for a key. She doesn't have to let me in if she doesn't want."
Gus sighed, and Jack guessed he was more upset that he was no longer going to be able to annoy Jack than that he was breaking a law. "6A. Third door on your left right after you walk outside. But I'm telling you, boy, I hear any commotion and I'm calling the cops. I won't hesitate."
Muttering a thanks, Jack quickly made his way to 6A. He wrapped lightly on the door, "Kate, it's me."
A few seconds later he heard the undoing of a chain and the turning of a lock. The door opened just enough for him to see her tearstained face. "Go away."
Kate moved to slam the door, but Jack was too quick for her, sticking his foot in. They struggled back and forth for a few moments before Kate finally relented, taking several steps back.
"I told you to go away. You shouldn't have come after me."
Jack shut the door behind him, making sure to lock both locks. He turned to face Kate, "Yeah, well. Next time if you don't want me to find you then don't register under Kate Shephard."
Kate's face flushed crimson, but Jack managed to hold her gaze. He took a few steps toward her, speaking quietly, "I'm not going to say I don't like how it sounds."
"Don't, Jack," Kate shook her head. "It was the first name that came to mind, okay? It's not anything else."
Jack shook his head, but didn't push it. That wasn't the point right now. "I didn't mean what I said about Sawyer." He hoped it was obvious, that she had known that the second after he said it, but he still felt like he should say the words.
"You know I don't regret that you came to me, right? You know what we have means more to me than anything."
Kate gave him a wary look and sat down on the floor, leaning her back against the foot of the bed. She let out a tired sigh and kept her eyes on the wall in front of her, "I know, Jack. Of course I know that. You still shouldn't have come here. I would have called you or come back on my own or something. I just had to get away for a little bit. I just couldn't stay there any longer."
Jack took a seat across from Kate, his back against the wall. The room was small and if he wanted to he could easily reach across and touch her. He let out a sigh of his own, aligning the toes of his shoes with hers. "I shouldn't have forced you to talk about things you didn't want to."
Their eyes met and for the first time he noticed how tired, how broken she looked. There were dark, heavy purple circles under her eyes and she was pale. Her hair was pulled back into a curly bun, and a few strands had come loose, hugging her face. Jack wanted to close the gap between them, but he waited for her.
Kate brushed the loose strands back. "None of this is your fault, Jack. None of it. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry about the things I said. I'm sorry that this is hurting you, but there's nothing I can do about it. That's just the way it is, and that's final."
Jack began to respond, but Kate continued on. "And if you don't want me to come back with you, I understand. If you can't accept this, if it's going to make you hate me forever than we can say good-bye, right here, right now, Jack. If you're bored with our relationship, if you're sick of being with me, just me all the time. If you've finally realized that this is all we can have and you don't like what that means, then just say so. I'd rather us just be done now then later down the road."
As he stared into her tear-filled eyes, Jack finally got it. Kate didn't want out, Kate didn't think they weren't real. Kate was worried that Jack wanted out, that he thought their relationship wasn't real. Kate was afraid that she'd wake up one morning, and Jack wouldn't love her anymore.
For the first time, Jack truly saw underneath her tough exterior, underneath every single wall that she put up. Kate was far more vulnerable than he had ever thought.
"Kate," Jack whispered, wanting to move to touch her, but finding that he didn't have the strength. "I'm not bored with you. I love you. You are the only person I want to be with for the rest of my life, no matter what obstacles are ahead of us. You have to hear that, Kate. You have to stop being scared just enough to hear that, even if you don't hear anything else."
Kate glanced away, a single tear falling down her cheek. Jack continued on softly, "I wasn't mad at you because of the things you said. I was upset that you didn't tell me. This is a big deal, Katie. It's not something you need to think about or go through alone. You can't do whatever you decide to do alone."
Quickly rubbing her eyes, trying to get the silent, endless tears to stop, Kate looked into Jack eyes, "I've done it alone before."
Jack met her eyes, waiting for her to continue. "When I was on the run I met this guy. His name was Streak. And he was just so nice. A really good guy, you know? He let me stay with him, I worked in this little diner he owned. I never had to pay him anything the entire time I was there. But it was too good to be true, right? And I couldn't stay forever."
Kate took a deep breath, but kept her eyes on Jack's, knowing that was the only way she'd be able to continue. "When I told him it was time for me to move on he. . . he." Kate's face contorted, but she continued talking. "He had just been pretending the entire time. He told me if I didn't give him what he wanted then he would call the Feds. He said it had been his plan the entire time. I tried to get away, I tried but he hit me with something, I don't even know what it was. And I couldn't move and he. . . and he. . ."
Tears were streaming down her face, but as long as Kate's eyes were on Jack, she was able to keep her sobs silent. "I lost the baby when I was three months pregnant. Lost it. I never understood that. Who made that up? Like, I just couldn't find my baby."
Kate glanced away from Jack and collapsed. She bent forward, covering her face with her hands, choking on heartbreaking sobs. "I don't want to do it alone anymore. I don't want, I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to be afraid anymore, Jack."
Jack finally moved forward, pulling Kate into his lap. She clutched onto his shirt and laid her head against his neck, sobbing freely. Jack ran his hand up her back pulling her as close to him as he could get her. He kissed her on top of her head as tears sprung to his eyes, "Tell me what to do, baby. Tell me what to do."
"Don't let go," Kate sobbed against him. She had never felt so out of control or helpless. "I need you. Don't leave me, Jack."
"I'm not going anywhere, Kate," Jack whispered, placing several small kisses on top of her head. "I'm right here. I've got you. It's all going to be okay. You don't have to worry about anything. I've got you."
As Jack sat there, whispering the most soothing things he could come up with, Kate's sobs slowly dwindled. Soon there was no noise, just a slight shudder of her body every few minutes. After awhile, Jack thought she might have fallen asleep.
Finally, Kate's grasp on his shirt released and he felt her smooth it down where her tight hold had wrinkled it. Pulling away from him, she brought her tear-stained face up to look in his eyes. "I'm sorry."
Jack shook his head just slightly, and gently wiped a few tears from her cheeks. She let out a quiet sigh and leaned back into him, laying her head against his chest.
"I want to want this, Jack," Kate whispered as he rubbed his hand gently over her back. "I want to be able to believe that this is what you want, and that what I can give you is enough for you."
He started to respond, but Kate continued on quietly, moving her hand in slow circles over his chest, "I think that I could stay with you for the rest of my life, and still wonder every day why you wanted to be with me."
Something tugged inside Jack and he took hold of her arms, lifting her up to where he could meet her tear-filled eyes with his own, "Then I am going to spend every day showing you why."
Kate moved away from him, standing up. She shook her head and got ready to argue, but Jack quickly stood in front of her, shaking his head as he spoke. "Don't, Kate. This is it, okay? You and me."
Kate shook her head once more as a single tear fell down her cheek. "Jack, I just -- I just don't. . ."
Jack brushed her tear away with his thumb, and cupped her face in his hands, whispering, "You and me, Kate."
Something inside of Kate broke. She was done pretending she wanted to keep running and acting like she was going to leave Jack someday. Kate had no intention of leaving Jack, and she never had. Not since he asked her to stay that first night. She could keep playing as many games with herself as she wanted, but she knew Jack had had enough of them. And he could see through them now. She wanted to let herself love Jack, to truly, completely love him free of fear. Free of feeling like she wasn't good enough and like he deserved better. It was time to let him really love her, too.
The tension slowly drained from her body as she leaned into Jack and whispered, "You and me."
Jack wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss into her hair. "I love you, Kate. More than anything."
"I love you, too," Kate whispered, pulling back just far enough to look into his eyes. She leaned up just slightly, grazing his lips with hers. Jack kissed back, pulling her close to him again.
Pulling away and taking a step towards the bed, Kate wordlessly motioned for him to follow her. Meeting her eyes, Jack wrapped his hands around the bottom of her sweatshirt, and in one swift motion removed it. Glancing down at the t-shirt she was wearing a soft smile slowly lit up his face.
"There's my Columbia shirt."
At the mere shadow of a smile on Jack's face, Kate felt a familiar tug inside of her. The simplest gestures could make her want him, and right now all she had needed was the smile. Leaning forward, she captured his mouth with her own, igniting a slow, sensual kiss. His hands reached up her shirt and she moaned against his mouth at the contact of his skin against hers.
Jack pulled her against him, and in the heat of passion they collapsed onto the bed. Jack hit first, taking the brunt of the fall. Almost as soon as they made contact, they began to vibrate.
Kate pushed herself off Jack, as he cursed underneath her. Standing up, he muttered, "What the hell?"
Kate rolled onto her back, not being able to control the laughter that was bubbling inside her. As it spilled out into the room, she couldn't help but notice how good it felt to be happy again. "It's. . ." the bed began to rock harder, and her giggling intensified. "It's a vibrating bed!"
The delighted laughter that was coming from Kate caused a smile to spread across Jack's face. "And it just starts up on contact?"
Trying to contain her laughter, Kate sat up and glanced around the room, finally pointing to the slot machine on the night stand. "I think you're supposed to pop-in a few quarters. I guess it has a malfunction!"
"I guess," Jack agreed, with a roll of his eyes. "So, how do we shut it off?"
"Hmm," Kate murmured. She stood up and bounced down onto the bed. It continued to vibrate. "Well, that didn't work."
Jack took her hand and pulled her to her feet and they both stood, staring at the vibrating contraption. Finally, Kate shrugged. "I don't know, baby. Guess you might just have to pay for it."
"Well, I would," Jack said, glancing over to meet her gaze. "That is, if someone hadn't taken all of my money."
A hot blush flared up Kate's face, "I didn't know what else to do, Jack. I was going to--" She stopped talking and met his eyes. She knew she never would have been able to pay it back, and that he wasn't mad.
Letting out a sigh, Jack gave the leg of the bed one final kick. It gave a sputter and then stopped moving. He turned to Kate, a tired smile on his face, "You ready to go home?"
"Please," Kate agreed with a nod, standing forward and wrapping him in a tight hug. "Let's go home."
Jack kissed her quickly on the forehead, then took her hand. They walked slowly to the front desk, returning her key, and thanking the manager. Jack climbed into his car, shutting the door behind him, but Kate stood outside, staring off into the distance, watching the sunrise in vibrant purples and pinks over the mountains.
After several moments, Jack opened his door, stepping out again. He glanced at Kate, then followed her gaze. "It's beautiful."
Kate nodded her agreement, not taking her eyes off the sunrise. Finally she opened her door, whispering, "It's a new day."
They drove in silence, both too tired to attempt conversation until Jack skipped the exit that would take them to their house. Feeling more alert, Kate sat up straight, "You missed the exit, Jack. Do you want me to drive the rest of the way home?"
Jack gripped the steering wheel tighter and kept his gaze ahead. "We aren't going home, Kate."
"Then where exactly are we going, Jack?" Kate questioned, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice. It wasn't easy.
Letting out a sigh, Jack waited until he pulled up to a red light before speaking. Turning towards Kate, he said, "We're going to the hospital."
Kate rolled her eyes. "If you're going to work, Jack, at least you could drop me off first. I don't want to sit around in--" She stopped speaking once she realized why they were headed to the hospital. "No. I'm not. . . no, Jack. Not today."
"Let's just get it over with, okay, Kate?" Jack said, turning his attention back to the road as the light turned green. "Would you rather pee on a stick and wait five minutes? I know you. You're not going to believe anything some take-home test tells you."
She wanted to argue back, but Kate knew better. Jack was right. And chances were if she continued to argue, he'd still drag her to the hospital and make her take the test anyway. "Fine. Let's just get it over with."
Jack thanked her, and they continued the rest of the short drive in silence. As they pulled into a parking space, Kate flipped down the sun visor and glanced into the mirror. "I look like I haven't slept in a week."
Exiting the car, Jack walked around to Kate's side, opening her door for her. "Have you?"
"No," Kate shook her head as Jack shut her door and locked the car. She took a hold of his hand, intertwining their fingers. "But that doesn't mean I want you to drag me into your hospital, showing me off to your friends when I look like this."
"I'm not showing you off to anyone, Kate," Jack said, a faint trace of a smile lighting up his face. "We'll be in and out. I promise."
Kate followed Jack into the hospital and they took an elevator up to the third floor. He led her back to a room and shut the door behind them. Opening a few cabinets, he sat down a few utensils and picked up a needle.
"Jack," Kate shifted in her seat. She was beginning to feel a little queasy. "I really don't like needles."
"It'll be quick," Jack said softly, walking over to her and rubbing alcohol on the crook of her arm. "I'm not going to hurt you. Just don't think about it."
Kate let out a little yelp as Jack stuck the needle in and began to draw her blood. She continued to let out little 'ouches' through the entire process. Jack rolled his eyes as he removed the needle and capped the tube of blood.
"Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"
Closing her eyes, Kate tried to ignore the taste that was growing in her mouth. "I think -- I think I might be sick."
Jack noticed how pale she was looking, and became concerned. He moved his hand in slow circles over her back. "It's okay, baby. Do you want me to get you the trashcan?"
Kate shook her head, forcing her stomach to stop churning. "No, I'll be okay. I just -- don't let me look at the blood, okay?"
Nodding his agreement, Jack tried to bite back his laughter. Opening one of the cabinets, he grabbed a dark bag, placing the tube inside. "Come on, I'll drop you off at my office then take this to the lab. Can you stand?"
"Of course I can stand," Kate muttered, standing up. She felt a little shaky, but tried not to let Jack notice. She just wanted this all to be done with as soon as possible. She didn't need him to be any more concerned about her than he already was.
They walked down the hall to his office and Jack unlocked it. Kate took a seat on his leather couch and waited nervously for him to return. Seeing that he had a TV in his office she found the remote and clicked it on.
Several minutes later, Jack returned. Kate glanced to him nervously, "So, um. What did it say?"
Jack smiled, taking a seat next to her on the couch. "It won't be done for about an hour."
"About an hour?" Kate exclaimed. "I might as well have peed on the damn stick!"
Laughing, Jack reached over, smoothing back her hair. "There's a back-up in the lab. You're lucky your boyfriend is a doctor so he can get your tests run extra-fast. The lab tech owed me a favor. What he does is check for the presence or absence of human chorionic gonadotrophin in your blood. If it's there, you're pregnant. If not. . ."
Kate had tuned out after human. She had worried she was pregnant for quite some time but it seemed as though the last hour was going to be the most torturous. She had to be, didn't she? She was ridiculously late for her period. She had gained weight. There was even morning sickness.
When she finally snapped out of her reverie, Jack had taken the remote and was watching some kind of talk show. He reached over and gently began to massage her neck, and she completely tensed up.
"I'm sorry," she murmured, pulling away from his grasp. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't want to be touched, okay?"
"Don't say sorry," Jack whispered, shaking his head. Standing up he grabbed his coat from the coat rack. Sitting back down he bunched it up on his lap, then patted it. "Come here. See if you can rest for the next hour."
Kate knew she wouldn't be able to get any rest, but complied, comfortable settling her head on his lap. She watched the television in silence for several minutes, listening as an anchor rambled on about the must-try diet of the season. When it went on a commercial, and one for a pregnancy test came on, she felt Jack tense up.
The sound of silence was starting to get to her. She felt Jack squirming and knew it wasn't any better for him. She felt a heat radiating off of his body. Settling back so that her back was flushed against him, Kate whispered, "You can touch me now."
Kate felt him loosen up and his hands moved to her hair, smoothing it back. They moved to her neck, kneading it, then her shoulders. The next thing she remembered was him shaking her lightly. "Kate, I'm going to run downstairs and get those results now, okay?"
Sitting up, Kate rubbed her eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be right here."
Jack walked quickly downstairs to the lab. He nodded at the technician as he entered the room, "Thanks for getting this done so fast, Carl. I know you busy you are down here."
"No problem, Jack," Carl smiled over at him, as he glanced up from the slide he was looking at. "Wish I could tell you the results myself, but apparently everyone woman over 25 thinks they're pregnant this week. It's in that stack over there."
"Thanks," Jack told him, beginning to leaf through a stack of white envelopes. "She was 97041, right?"
"Sounds right to me," Carl nodded. "How long have you been with this girl now, Jack?"
"We met," Jack paused as he found the envelope. "We met before I was in the crash. But we've been together for a couple months now."
"Any plans on marrying her?" Carl asked. He pointed to his wedding ring. "Been with the wife for three years now."
Jack tapped the folder against the desk, not sure if he should look at the results himself, or take it up to Kate. "Your son is about a year old now, isn't he?"
"Had a birthday last week," Carl nodded, a grin lighting up his face. "We just found out baby number two is on the way."
Jack smiled, "Congratulations, Carl."
Carl pointed to the folder, "You too, maybe."
Jack laughed and opened up the folder. He stared at the page in front of him for several seconds, before glancing back up at Carl, "Is it okay if I copy this and take it with me?"
"Help yourself," Carl agreed with a nod, apparently accepting that Jack wasn't going to share the results. He turned back to what he had been working on.
Jack quickly made a copy of the paper in the folder, and stuck the folder back into the middle of the stack. Walking quickly out the door, he called, "Thanks again, Carl. See you around."
Jack folded the paper over and over again as he made his way back to his office. Opening the door he found Kate, sitting on the couch, playing with a loose tread on her jeans. Her nervousness was evident on her face as she glanced over at him, "So. . ."
Handing her the paper, Jack sat down next to her. "You're not pregnant."
Cocking her head to the side, Kate glanced down at it. She didn't understand any of the words or numbers on it. "You're serious? I'm not pregnant."
"I'm serious," Jack told her with a nod, trying to read the expression on her face. "You're pregnancy test was negative."
Kate fell silent and they both sat still, staring straight ahead. Finally, Kate broke the silence. "But I --"
"I know," Jack interrupted, glancing over at her.
"And I --"
"I know."
"Well," Kate cleared her throat. "Good. I was starting to get really worried."
They locked eyes and Kate felt something inside her break. Glancing away, she covered her eyes, beginning to cry quietly. She felt Jack's arms wrap around her and he pulled her towards him, kissing her head and whispering soothing things.
Only allowing herself to cry for a few seconds, Kate pulled away, composing herself. "I'm fine. This is good, Jack. I'm just. . . I'm just so tired."
"I know," Jack whispered, scanning her face. Kate could tell Jack was trying to decide if he believed her or not.
Sitting the paper down on Jack's desk, Kate stood up and whispered, "Just take me home, Jack. Please."
"Let's go home," Jack agreed, pulling her towards him and kissing her softly.
After turning on the car, Jack turned his radio station onto an oldie's station. An old Billie Holiday song drifted around them and Kate laid her head on Jack's shoulder, a soft smile on her face. "You know what I like."
His response was a kiss on her forehead, as Kate closed her eyes and began to sing a whisper. "I'll find you in the morning sun. . . and when the night is new, I'll be looking at the moon. . ."
Kate pulled away a little and glanced up at him, "But I'll be seeing you."
Jack glanced away from the road long enough to fully take in Kate's appearance. She looked sad, but he figured at least part of that could be chalked up to the fact she hadn't been sleeping. Of course she was probably at least a little sad about not having a baby, even if she would never let herself admit it. Who knew how long she had suspected she was. Something like that was pretty hard to let go of.
Jack pulled into the garage and turned the car off. Kate glanced over to him and noticed he looked just as tired as she felt. Resting her head against the back of the seat she waited as he walked around the side of the car to open her door. As he took her hand to help her up, he smiled, "You're getting spoiled."
"All your fault," Kate told him with a wink, stepping past him and waiting for him to unlock the door. Walking into the house, she saw Boo asleep on Jack's couch. She gave him a soft pat on the head before following Jack upstairs.
Before entering their bedroom, Jack stopped and leaned against the doorway. "Hmm."
Kate peered over his shoulder. The floor was cluttered with things that Jack had knocked off shelves. Something was broken. Tables were laying on their sides. The sheets had even been torn off the bed.
"Guess I didn't really think to stop and clean before I chased after you," Jack glanced at her, a wry smile on his face.
"Guess not," Kate shook her head. Leaning against Jack, she whispered, "Guest room?"
"Sounds good to me," Jack agreed, looping his arm around her shoulders as they walked down the hallway.
Tossing her hoodie across the room, and kicking off her jeans, Kate crawled into bed. Jack's clothes joined hers on the floor and he cozied up next to her. "I guess you can keep the shirt for tonight."
"Thanks, dear," Kate laughed, moving closer and laying her head on his chest. She listened to the steady beating off his heart, and was just about to drift off before he spoke again.
"You washed these sheets after Sawyer left, right?"
Kate smiled against his chest, giving it a quick kiss. "Yes, Jack."
There was silence for several more seconds until, "Good. Because there's no telling what he did in here."
"Jack!" Kate exclaimed, raising her head and playfully hitting him. "Go to sleep."
"Night, Kate," Jack whispered, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her back down to him.
"Night, Jack," she returned before closing her eyes, and finally, for the first time a week, falling into a peaceful sleep.
