AN: Well here goes, my first Huddy fic! This is a post ep to Babies & Bathwater and I really hope you all enjoy. Since this is my first I'd love some feedback. Please?
Disclaimer: Don't own them, if I did you can bet your bottom dollar that Forever wouldn't have happened. Also I'd be rich - which would be nice
For Becs, my beautiful beta, my Huddy buddy and the most supportive friend a girl can have. I love you babe! hugs
Bathroom Therapy
By Tricki
"Doctor Cuddy! The man of the hour!" Doctor Gregory House said enthusiastically, raising his glass as Doctor Lisa Cuddy appeared in the doorway to his office, an uncertain smile gracing her features.
The assembly cheered for her as she walked in, all celebrating her victory over Vogler. She felt the positive aura in the room but it did nothing towards improving her mood. Chase tossed a blue and green football at her which she stooped to catch gracefully.
"What are you doing?" She asked as she continued walking towards House.
"Drinking. I would've thought that was obvious." She tossed the ball back at Chase as House passed her his champagne and poured a mug for himself. He wasn't sure if she noticed that he gave her the honour of having the only glass.
"To the great champion saved you, saved Wilson, saved the whole team." She toasted herself and then drank the entire glass with alarming speed. The rest of the party shuffled uncomfortably.
"Of course none of them would have needed saving if you could actually get along with another human being." She turned her gaze back to House.
"Thank you, Miss Buzz Kill." He quipped sardonically.
"Well you only cost us a hundred million dollars." The words stuck in her throat, like she couldn't even believe it.
"Could've saved some lives, could've made a few jobs, helped a few people. Yippee." She said sarcastically, the reality of what she had done setting in all over again.
"You voted to get rid of him." He pointed out. You're not going to blame this all on me, Cuddy.
"The lesser of two evils." She paused, giving House a meaningful look.
"You should be mourning. I know I am." Lisa Cuddy stated despondently and stalked out of the office. The four of them - House, Wilson, Chase and Foreman - sat shocked in her wake. House was the first to move, he stood up and followed her, praying that she wasn't trying to get away from him - she would manage easily.
She burst into the ladies' room just up the hall; he followed in spite of the logical protests from one part of his brain:
She's not yours anymore, this isn't your place.
She planted her hands on either side of the basin and breathed deeply, warring with tears and losing. She lifted her head slightly to look her reflection in the eye.
"Get it together, Lisa." She said firmly. Even her most authoritative tone was unsuccessful, she thought maybe she could order herself to regain her composure but her words and tone were nothing compared to the crushing feeling surrounding her body, the desperation rising in her chest. She forced herself to breathe slowly, despite the temptation to hyperventilate and sob becoming greater by the second. House closed the door quietly.
She blinked hard, still trying to control her tears.
"Cuddy," He said gently, walking up behind her and touching her shoulder softly. She flinched at his touch. She might as well have slapped him, he remembered a time when she revelled in his touch.
"I'm sorry." She said in a strangled voice.
"What for?" He asked, he was on shaky ground and he knew it. One misstep and he would end up on a landmine, she was in no mood to be toyed with and when Lisa Cuddy was on a hair trigger you put down the gun and took a big step back.
"It's not your fault. It's mine." She said softly.
"Cuddy…" He sighed, mild irritation in his voice now. She looked him in the eye, the fire he knew so well only burning at quarter strength. He took a breath and began again, "Either way it was going to happen. You either stood up to him before he had a chance to do any real damage or you let him sack everyone who even looked sideways at him and he took his money anyway." She gazed into the basin again, nodding slowly.
"He was just making a point with me, Cuddy. If he could get you to fire me he'd broken you. He could get you to do anything." He continued.
"You certainly have a strong sense of your own importance." A vague smile pulled at her lips.
"Importance to you or importance in general?"
"I don't know. Maybe both." She raised a hand in an indecisive motion, almost a shrug. At least she'd stopped crying, he thought.
"It's certainly very self confident of you to think that you're the thing I'd fight for over everything else." She said offhandedly.
"Maybe I am" He replied, leaning against the bench with his back to the mirror. She let out a sceptical noise but she wondered. Maybe there was some truth to it? He was her line in the sand, in some ways. The mark which told her whether she'd gone too far or not far enough.
Christ, Cuddy, even House wouldn't do that. What are you thinking? or By now House would have done this, this and this. Stop being so conservative! That day it had been the former: House is worried about the ethics of a hospital doing clinical trials, why the hell aren't you? It scared her. A lot.
For one hundred million dollars she had been willing to sell not only her touchstone but her own and the hospital's integrity. How far would she have gone?
"He won everyone over. Don't blame yourself." He said gently and glanced at her.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked, folding her arms and walking to the other end of the room, turning slowly on her heel to face him.
"Because you did the right thing for the right reasons. You're the whole hospital's hero; you rode in on your white stallion of truth and chopped Vogler's head off with Arthur's sword for god's sakes! You should be proud of yourself, everyone else is." She half smiled.
"Are you proud of me?" She asked, arms still across her chest protectively, suddenly very interested in her shoes.
More than I should be…
"I'm proud of you for not sleeping with him." She glared. "I'm proud of you for realising what an idiot you were being…. I'm proud of you." She snorted.
"So you're proud of me for not being a slut and for being able to grasp the fact that I'm a moron." She said cynically.
"You're not a moron, you were acting like a moron. There's a difference." He said pointedly.
"I stand corrected." She rolled her eyes. "So that's why you were being nice."
"That and the girls are in fine form." He smiled, he was hoping affectionate banter would help lighten her mood.
A lone tear rolled down her cheek, "I just wanted to do some good." She whispered.
"Will you lay off yourself? You're the best administrator this hospital has ever had and you did the right thing." Somewhere along the way they had lost distance between themselves. Cuddy took another step and found herself in his arms.
"Thank you." She said against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her uncertainly. It had been so long since he'd held her and so much had happened between them since then. At least she didn't flinch this time. One of his hands subconsciously climbed to her hair and stroked it softly. He wondered if he still knew her body as well as he used to. His forefinger pressed lightly into a spot three inches above her hip, one inch right of her spine.
"My mole" Her brow furrowed. He wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement and, in all honesty, neither was she.
"You remembered." She said, pulling back slightly to look at him. She had always assumed that he had left those little memories behind when he left.
"More than you know." He said, his voice barely audible. He wasn't sure he wanted to go here again and on the other hand he had wanted to since the day he said goodbye. He wondered what might have become of them if he hadn't panicked and left her, if he hadn't been so afraid of needing her.
"Do you ever think about what might have happened?" She asked, as if she had read his mind. He nodded. At least once a day he thought about it. She had marked his life, given him something that everyone wanted, something that, once experienced, could never be forgotten. She was the missing piece. He inhaled slowly, she still smelled the same.
"I'd better get going." She said finally. He released her quickly and they shared a vague and slightly awkward smile.
"Thank you… for this."
"Hey, there's no problem that crying in the ladies room won't fix." He said, still not recovered from holding her again. She began to walk to the door. When her hand touched the knob he muttered her name.
"Cuddy?" The word was dripping with affection, with the memory of a thousand million other times he had called her name like that. She turned, curiously. She needed to be away from him but she would have given almost anything be back in his arms, she missed him so much. He hesitated, warring with himself.
"See you tomorrow." He said finally. She nodded and left the room, sadness weighing on her shoulders. He watched her go, hating himself for being a coward, hating himself more for still needing her. He steeled himself and followed her once again.
"Cuddy?" That same tone. If he was trying to make her cry again he was well on the way. She used to love the sound of her own name coming from his lips.
"Yes?" She asked, tuning to face him once again.
"Do you want to go grab a drink?" He asked, feeling more vulnerable than he had in a very long time.
"I'd like that." She smiled softly. Each had the same thought:
One step at a time.
Remeber that thing we were talking about earlier? Feedback? hint-hint, wink-wink
