A Transcendence chapter in a week after the last one, it has been too long! I know, you were not expecting it. But guess what? You get a chapter. Happy days.

Now I have had this one coming for a while now, simply because people have been complaining to me about why Ichigo is such a baby and a whiner and why is he such a pussy. Seriously, people get this image in their head about the character that they think he is kick shit because he is the main character. It is thinking like that which has led to all Naruto fics and fans to think Naruto is a damn god-like, charismatic ladies' man that can easily put a kunai through a man's skill at a thousand yards with his back turned and only using one finger.

Along with being able to screw any woman he wants despite being twelve years old. Yeah, fuck that. Ichigo isn't that and I refuse to make him that because then he would be a true OOC. So this chapter is meant to clear all that up and make you all understand the truest reasons for Ichigo acting like he does.

For those that complain, I will tell you to read this chapter again until you understand. And any reviewer that doesn't get past six chapters of this story and says why is he not okay yet. I will say that it is because he doesn't realize it yet because he isn't showing symptoms and you are too fucking lazy to read a little more. Along with the fact you likely do not understand the finer points of writing and that I do not reveals every single fucking detail at the beginning of a story.

If I did, you would have had Ichigo's whole life story up until he got thrown into the Nether. But no, instead I gave you what you need, when you need it. Not before or after. So those who cannot fathom why I write like this it is because you do not know how to write and how to capture an audience and make them wonder and think about what is going on. Because the thing that attracts people the most, is the mystery of what will happen next and how it can happen. That goes hand in hand as I resolve Ichigo's dilemma on killing.

Now that my rant is done and I feel that I have explained myself to the fullest, please enjoy the chapter and I hope you understand it. Also responses to reviews are at the bottom.


Transcendence

Chapter 28: Contemplation

The battle had ended quickly, long before they had actually descended the mound and to the fortress. All around were the bodies of slain Orcs, cut down over a wide area showing that they had been taken by surprise and unable to form a counter attack. A few Knights and adventurers were also present, but they were but a handful of the dead compared to the near hundred dead orcs.

But the battle had been won, the Blackrock Stronghold had been taken by the Alliance, the men were cheering and roaring in triumph. Ichigo strolled through it all with his group, looking around at what must have been a short and easily won battle. But that did not dampen the spirits of the people here, they had done a great service and they were reveling in it.

Cries for the Alliance and down with the Dark Horde were shouted into the air, like a mantra that continued to echo over and over again. But despite the cheer and light mood Ichigo still felt put off; with everything settled and done he had time to reflect.

He recalled the events of the entire day, his fighting and killing. His hesitations and concern for making a strike, the feeling of fear work its way into his heart every time he made an attack. The substitute knew that something was wrong, that he was acting irrationally with these fears; it was something he had never experienced before, but now did.

"Alright, get some water and rest; we will likely be departing soon. It is a long walk back to Redridge," Joana said, turning to her party and officially disbanding their group from service.

Ichigo did not argue, as they dispersed he went in search of Adelina; she likely would have stayed with Caren and Galen. He could use some familiar and friendly faces now, he was in need of some advice, some guidance.


Tyresa couldn't help but smile at the perfect victory; it couldn't have gone off any better and quickly in her mind. They had secured peace in Redridge and weakened one of their most dangerous adversaries in the northern reaches of their kingdom in a single day. It was a damn miracle it had gone off without any major complications.

"This is a major victory for us," Reginald said, stepping beside Tyresa as he scanned the open fields around the fortress.

Behind him stood Watch Commander Ethan and Annabelle Morgan, both of whom were overlooking the ruins of the Orcs stronghold. Speaking with one another on something, but Tyresa paid it no heed as she swept her gaze over the soldiers. They had taken only eight casualties in this fight, and overall had only lost twenty four people since this morning. Any commander would call those extremely low casualties compared to what they had to fight.

"It is, this will keep Redridge clear for years, and without the Orcs there we can finally reinforce our hold on the pass and maybe even re-establish a garrison," Tyresa said.

Redridge had long been without a major military presence for too long, and it was time they got the protection they needed. So much of it was contested that it needed to be brought fully under Alliance control.

"I may not have a say in Redridge, but I will petition to see about setting up a garrison here in the Steppes." Reginald said. "With the Orcs beaten back I can have a force present here that will protect Redridge completely."

"Are you sure? If we can secure the pass we can easily maintain it." Tyresa replied.

"I think that is unlikely, Bolvar is already dealing with issues in Duskwood and Westfall. With his men dealing with the cut off settlements in the south and Defias in the west, extra military support in the east is unlikely." Reginald replied.

It was a shame that they were facing so many internal issues within their Kingdom. The Defias Brotherhood looking to fracture the Alliance and bring down the nobility. The horrors within Duskwood that were terrorizing the settlers, and trapping them there with no hope of escape without armed escort. The Kingdom of Stormwind was in turmoil and the fact that there was so little being done meant they had to often do the extra effort to maintain order.

"So, we likely won't be getting any extra aid for Stonewatch or even maintaining the pass?" Tyresa asked, looking annoyed.

"Unlikely, what is more than likely is that men will be pulled out to deal with issues of more importance." Reginald said, shaking his head and sharing in her irritation over the situation. "But as I said, I can get a garrison up here and reinforce the region. I can easily have it done, so you need not worry."

Tyresa could at least be happy about that, with how slow the nobles were reacting to the crises around the Kingdom they had to resort to doing this. Using rank and position to set up their forces in areas where they could better protect the people. But that often caused issues within the ranks about dividing up their forces and also going against regulations.

Bolvar would come down hard on them sometimes, almost appearing hypocritical with how he maintains command over the military. Often he would allow this and even discretely support it, but later he would change his mind. It was odd to say the least, and that cause problems with them trying to take the initiative. Because while they were trying to do good, they would get reprimanded and that would cause issues later that would make those efforts be in vain.

She was directly tied to the Church of the Holy Light and Silver Hand, meaning that she couldn't really do anything but offer aid to the military, but not actually make major decisions. It was irking really, but at least with the battle over they had accomplished something that wouldn't end in vain.

At least she hoped so.

"Commander."

Tyresa turned and smiled when her apprentice stepped forward, slightly bloody and covered in soot. But regardless of her dirty appearance it was good to see her alright and without injury. Although her cracking a smile once and a while and acting less serious would be nice, she was so uptight it was no fun sometimes.

"Joana, good to see you are in one piece, how well did the mission proceed?" Tyresa inquired.

The mission had been a success, but she would like to know if everything went as well as she hoped.

"No casualties, the mission went off without any complications," Joana replied.

"Well, that's good. We lost a few people in the attack, but this entire operation went off without issue," Tyresa replied, musing to herself as she reveled in the success of today's endeavors. "Start getting the men in order, we will be marching soon. Reginald, see about bringing that stronghold down, don't leave it for the Orcs to reoccupy later."

Both the Apprentice and Marshal nodded their heads and went about their objectives. Tyresa turned back to watch the soldiers cheering at their major victory today, smiling to herself she felt that from today things would finally start getting better.


Lakeshire

Night had fallen over Redridge when they returned, their entire force marching in haphazard formation back towards the town they had set off from early that morning. But their return was met with cheers from the villagers as a small celebration went on as the soldiers walked between the bank of the lake and the single row of houses and buildings.

Within a few minutes of returning the town was in uproar, partying and drinking. The adventurers were now mingling with the towns folk and telling tales of their bravery and heroism. Food and drink were a plenty and the air was festive as they celebrated the liberation of Redridge from the Orcs.

Although on a single table within the Lakeshire inn four people sat sedately and enjoyed some rest. They did not partake in the ale and wine that was passed around or celebrate loudly, only drink what they wish and tried to relax. Sadly it was not easily done with the many loud and quickly inebriating patrons.

"These people seem to be quite festive," Adelina said, watching a man enter a drinking contest with a Dwarf.

"More like asinine," Caren replied, taking a sip of her water.

"Let them sing and dance to their delight, they fought hard today and did much," Galen said, before glancing at the young substitute. "But I had expected you to be trying to charm a few of the young lasses with your heroics."

Ichigo suddenly jerked, only partially hearing what was being said to him. He looked at the Archmage for a moment in bewilderment before he scowled irritably.

"Yeah, not into that kind of thing," Ichigo replied, brushing off the accusation of the Archmage.

"Which one? Boasting, or the lasses?" Galen inquired, smirking slightly when he saw that scowl deepen and his teeth to grind together.

"Shut up!" Ichigo yelled, glaring at the man for making an even more heinous accusation.

Reminded him of something his idiot dad would do, either demanding him to get a girlfriend or question if he was gay and that was the reason he didn't have one. That old bastard really got on his nerves, but the fact Galen reminded him did bring some comfort. He did miss that old goat.

This was probably something that Galen also noticed; from the way he was looking intently at Ichigo he could tell something was troubling him. His scowl may not have left him, but his eyes betrayed his inner turmoil.

"What's wrong lad?" Galen asked, leaning forward and examining the substitute. "I can tell that something is bothering you."

Ichigo was silent for a moment, his glare faltering slightly as he thought about the thing that had been on his mind the whole trip back. His hesitations, he had been having it for weeks now and he had no real reason as to why. He knew he was afraid to strike the Orcs down, anything really that he attacked he felt a sudden lurch in his stomach and heart.

Always he had a feeling whenever fighting, there was some fear and concern as any normal being should. Kept him alert and ready for anything, but he had not felt fear like this before. Ever since the Barrens he had been having these feelings, when he engaged those Quilboar after his battle with Drekhve he felt a twinge of worry in his gut while fighting.

Yet he couldn't place why he felt it. From there it only grew, every time he got into a fight he would feel worry build up within him.

"I…" Ichigo started, but was unable to continue, he let out a desolate sigh before trying again. "I have an issue with killing."

He couldn't word it better, which was a problem, how can you tell them your problem when you have no idea yourself what is afflicting you? It felt like a tingle through his body, a jolt of electricity in his gut and through his heart. While he had fought it down as the day went by it had not left. It was still there, just below the surface and clawing at him, he just didn't know how to deal with it.

"You mean like that time when you asked me why I can kill so easily?" Caren asked, looking at Ichigo with a frown.

"Yeah, I have been feeling out of it," Ichigo said, resting his head into his palm as he tried to express how he felt. "Whenever I am in a fight I always went at it head-on, never hesitating or getting worried about what might happen."

"You were confident you could win, but now what do you feel?" Galen asked.

"I don't know, I really don't know," Ichigo replied.

He scowled at this, he was ignorant to his own problems and he was dumping it out like this. What the hell was he expecting? If he couldn't deal with it how were they meant to? He quickly got up and mentioned that he was going to bed. They did not stop him, they remained seated as he walked towards the stairs and towards the room he and Adelina had.

But as he reached the steps he saw someone walk up next to him, and to his surprise he found the golden haired Joana standing there. She no longer had her armor on, instead a simple pair of pants and tunic, it was simple and practical.

"Come with me," Joana said, turning and moving up the stairs and leaving a surprised substitute behind.

"What the hell?" Ichigo mumbled.

"Lucky bastard."

Ichigo turned and looked at the speaker, finding a bearded man who was drinking with a few other warriors and a few of the village woman. He didn't need to put two and two together to figure out what they were planning for later tonight.

"What?" Ichigo asked, not understanding.

"You and the paladin, you must have really impressed her. Those women are virgins after all." He smirked, especially when Ichigo felt his cheeks heat up at the accusation. "Go on boy; show her how a man feels."

Ichigo grumbled as he ascended the stairs and ignored the laughing behind him, there was no way that was the case. He had known Joana for only a few hours, only going on one mission with her and only speaking with her before when he needed to join the convoy. In both those occasions he was almost reminded of Sui-Feng, both were hard working and often strict individuals that would see the mission done at any cost. He knew with absolute certainty that this woman had no interest in sleeping with him.

At least that is what he thought.

He soon found her standing in front of his room, arms crossed and waiting patiently for him to follow. How she knew which was his room he had no idea, but the bigger question was why she wanted to talk with him.

Joana entered the room and he followed her in, and as she closed the door he stood in the center of the room and waited for her to speak. When the door clicked and she turned to him he could see that she held the same stoic and impassive expression as she usually did. He had absolutely no idea why she wanted to see him, and he was a little concerned about that.

"Uh, so why did you want to see me?" Ichigo asked, scratching his head and looking a little anxious.

"If you think I brought you here to give up my virginity, you are mistaken," Joana growled out, stepping past Ichigo who blushed and realized that she must have heard that guy.

"Hey, I didn't say that!" Ichigo shouted out defensively.

"That doesn't mean it hadn't crossed your mind," Joana replied, making the substitute splutter out at the accusation that he couldn't deny quickly enough. "But I am not here about that. I wanted to check up on you to make sure you are alright."

Ichigo felt his anxiety and awkwardness fade away as he looked at the paladin who turned to face him, her face remained impassive but her eyes were alert. She was looking right at him and looking for any signs that he may be insecure about something.

"I'm fine," Ichigo lied.

"I can tell you are not well, back at the mound I could feel it on you. When you first slew that Ogre, I could feel emotions waring in you," Joana said. "Tell me what is wrong."

"Why should I tell you?" Ichigo asked, scowling as he saw that she could possibly read him somehow, but that didn't change the fact she was practically a stranger to him demanding answers.

"You were under my command in that mission; I led you through that mine and into danger. I want to know what happened down there, I want to know if it can be helped," Joana said, before giving a sigh. "I may not be the warmest of individuals but I care for those under my command, and when we escaped that mound I could tell something was troubling you. Something important that made you afraid."

Ichigo scowl deepened and a growl almost escaped his throat at that word, it would seem that she was right on the money about that. Yet how the hell could he speak with her about this, what would she know about his problems? And what the hell makes her think he was afraid?

"It's nothing you need to worry about, I'll deal with it," Ichigo replied.

"No you won't, I can tell that this has been with you for a while now, it has been eating at you and it is getting worse," Joana replied. "I can feel something churning inside you, and the longer you suppress it the worse it will become."

Ichigo had to sigh at that, he did not doubt that, he was feeling like this for a while and it was starting to get worse. But he still had his reservations that she could help him, after all this was likely something that only someone that knew him could help with. Maybe Kisuke or Yoruichi would understand, they both seemed to know enough about him to make a judgement call. But since they were both not on this planet he was stuck with only himself, and that was a problem in of its own.

"I don't know what it is. And that is the damn problem," Ichigo growled out.

"I think that the issue is not simple, you may be afraid when in battle, yet you actively seek it despite that fear," Joana said aloud.

Ichigo looked at her for a moment, how the hell would she figure that out?

"With your reckless, and stupid, attack on Stonewatch Keep I can tell that about you." Joana said, answering his mental query along with insulting him for his bullheadedness. "You willingly put yourself in danger for the sake of others and never once backed down when you knew the risks. You went to the fight and never hesitated, as I was told. But in the fight that changed."

Ichigo did not stop her, because she was right and actually starting to make sense. He only felt this when fighting; only in the middle of melee did he feel this strange urge. He had no idea what it was but he knew that she was onto something.

"What did you feel when you fought against the Orcs?" Joana asked.

"I don't know, at first I thought I was afraid of killing them. But later when I killed the Gnolls at that warlock's tower I didn't feel anything when I did it," Ichigo replied, before he quickly thought and amended it. "Well, not anything different."

"So it is the violence of battle itself that made you concerned," Joana said, looking at him with hard and inquisitive eyes as she tried to dissect the source of his internal dilemma.

She knew the boy was more skilled than he should be, he wielded that sword as if it was nothing and with superb expertise defying his age. He had seen combat before and obviously was not above killing when it came to a life and death struggle. So what was it that could make this boy with an ethical standing and resolve that few save a paladin could hold be so shaken.

"I think that your fears are not rooted in fighting, but something you have fought against," Joana said. "Tell me, did you ever face something before these feelings came along that made you afraid?"

Ichigo thought for only a moment, digesting her question and immediately coming up with an answer. And he recoiled when the familiar dread came to him when he realized, flashes of screaming monsters filled his vision. Creatures more vicious and evil than Hollows, they were beings that existed in the nightmares of children and men alike.

Demons.

His travels through the Nether had been something that had scared the life out of him, days spent in that horror show fighting for his life had given him a new lease on near death experiences. He could not remember it, but the feeling of that place made his skin crawl and his stomach lurch. Even now he felt his pulse quicken as he remembered the same horrible feeling as when he fought against all those different enemies since arriving on Azeroth. It had all come from that place.

"What was it?" Joana asked, looking at him seriously.

"Demons… I was fighting demons," Ichigo replied, he averted his gaze and moved to the bed, taking a seat and realizing the fount of his fears.

He would laugh at the sheer stupidity of it, he was afraid of those monsters that couldn't get to him. Facing down hordes of Hollows and even against Shinigami and Arrancar had not scared him as much as those monsters.

But now he had something he never thought he would have, a fear of the irrational.

"You have fought demons?" Joana said, her tone was one of understanding. "I think I know why you feel the way you do."

Ichigo did not think she did, having been in that hell for so long he doubted anything she could say would truly match up to his nightmare.

"I personally have seen their wicked ways in Lordaeron, seen them destroy villages and murder thousands," Joana said. "Often I think of the times when we faced them and the futility of our actions to stop their advance across the land. I do not know what you faced, or in what circumstance, but I understand the fear you feel."

"How?" Ichigo asked.

There was no way that she could understand what he felt, what could she possibly know about him that could make her understand what he felt and the source of this fear.

"Despair. Despair in knowing that no matter how hard you fight and what struggles you overcome it will amount to nothing," Joana replied, appearing troubled as she spoke. "You have never had your doubts about charging into the battle, but when fighting you have the feeling that what you do will amount to nothing. That scares you, being unable to do what you are battling to achieve. You are afraid of failing."

Ichigo was silent for a moment, digesting her words, it was shocking that she had been able to say that and it made sense. Now that he thought about it, he did become scared of failure, long before he had ever had this fear he had suffered from it. But the Nether, that is where that fear manifested and took its most horrible form.

"I will leave you to think on this," Joana said, moving to the door, only stopping before she closed it. "But remember, that success and failure are part of life. While you are on the battlefield you must be aware that you can fail, and take steps not to. I will not tell you what you should do, but you must overcome this fear, face it and find reason to overcome it."

"Wait," Ichigo called, stopping her from leaving. "How can you know this? About me. How could you possibly understand?"

Joana gave a small smile, and her form soon shone with a golden light, catching Ichigo by surprise. He felt warmth and joy radiate from her, as if everything about her was pure and good. He couldn't understand it, but he felt his concerns and worries disappear as he looked on, mesmerized.

"The Light gives one more than just power to fight, but also see into the heart of others. I can see you are filled with fear and despair, more than I could possibly know. If I can help quell it, than I know that I am doing what I am meant to do," Joana replied, giving a small smile and nod towards Ichigo. "Take care Ichigo, and do not let the demons of the Nether become the demons of the mind."

She closed the door and was gone, leaving Ichigo to sit on his bed and think on what she had said to him. What she had told him had made sense; a scary kind of sense that he couldn't help but realize was likely one of his most basic flaws. He hated to fail, to let down his friends and family.

It had always been his vice, the one thing that always held him back and made him scared. Failure to do what he needed to do. He may not know the path he needed to achieve his goals or the methods he had to employ to reach it, but never was there doubt in his mind to reach it. But now there was, but the fact that it was still here could only mean it was being fed.

"What the hell is doing this to me?" Ichigo mumbled out.

Before he could think more he felt is vision darken slightly, blackness seeping in around his sight and closing in on him. He would have been surprised and shocked by this but he could not move, his entire body felt numb and unresponsive. Before he could understand what had happened he had already been consumed by the darkness and he felt nothing.


But a moment later it returned to him.

Yet Ichigo was not where he had been, instead he descended through an ocean. His mind whirled as he sank deeper below the dark waters as he let out a muted scream that released what small amount of air he had. He would have tried to reach for the surface above, but he was stopped, a hand clasping onto his shoulder and tossing him deeper into the black waters.

He fell deeper and eventually came to an abrupt and painful halt as he hit concrete. Looking he saw that these waters were not empty, he realized that this was not some random ocean. This was his Inner World, hidden beneath a sea of water.

'What the hell is this?' Ichigo thought, looking around to see the many buildings to be sunk beneath the water.

"Ichigo."

The substitute turned and looked to one of the roofs of one of the few larger buildings. Finding at the edge was a man clad in black, his entire form billowing in an invisible wind despite them being submerged. As if being reminded of this fact the substitute tried to move for the surface, but was halted by a word from the Zanpakuto spirit.

"Do not fear the waters, you will not drown," Zangetsu said, gliding down towards Ichigo calmly and speaking despite there being no air.

Ichigo relaxed for a moment while holding his breath, while the inner world may be a mental landscape it would seem that certain physical characteristics remained. Touch, sight, smell, and most of all at this very moment, breathing. He took a single breath, and was surprised that if felt no different, as if the water was not here.

"How… how is this possible?" Ichigo asked.

"Breathing is simple, a reflex, you should be smart enough to know that," Zangetsu replied, almost as if he was scolding him for his foolishness.

"Why did you drag me here?" Ichigo asked, frowning at the old man.

He was met with a scowl; the old man was glaring at him with an intensity that he had never seen before.

"Why? Look around you, look at what this place has been reduced to!" Zangetsu roared, gesturing wide to the inner world.

Ichigo did look, and only now did he realize that the buildings that he saw were no longer stainless steel and glass spires. Instead it looked like his old home, Karakura Town, it looked exactly like the town he grew up in and lived. He didn't understand the importance of this, of why it had changed.

"I don't understand, how does this mean anything?" Ichigo asked.

"Do you not remember the rain?" Zangetsu asked. "The rain is what symbolized your pain and failure, but it has stopped now. And all that remains is an ocean of despair."

Ichigo looked around, could see that while the town was visible they were shadows around him, the murky dark waters obscuring much of the world around him. But is this what Zangetsu meant, was this ocean his despair, the crushing anguish of his failures given form and drowning the things he hopes to protect. Was this causing him to become like this? Was it actually holding him back?

"The Inner World symbolizes more than just a mental state, it reflects the heart of the individual, it is here that your hopes, dreams, fears, doubts, joys, and anger manifests and forms. And what do you see now?" Zangetsu cried out. "The hope you had is gone!"

Ichigo recoiled at the Zanpakuto spirit's angry proclamation as he marched forward to the substitute with long strides. He grasped Ichigo by the hem of his robes and forced him to look into his eyes, made him see his anger for allowing this to happen.

"In this place they have dwindled just like soil in the rain. Now all that is left is this imagination of your small town. The only shred of hope you have left." Zangetsu barked. "This is your doing! Because you despaired and allowed your fears and doubts to come to the surface and swallow up your hopes and wear them down to nothing!"

As if to enforce that statement a building crumbled in the distance, sinking through the water and being consumed by the blackness. Ichigo looked on shocked at the state of things; he could not believe what was happening. Was this truly what he had become, filled with the despair of his failings?

"In the Nether you faced those demons as you always would, but they are only the catalyst to this." Zangetsu stated. "Every time you have faced an adversary you have always pulled through, fought to the greatest of your abilities and strength, and always emerged victorious. With the aid of others or not. But there you had no support, no help, not even from me."

Zangetsu let out a desolate sign, releasing his hold on Ichigo and skulking away.

"It is there that you faced your own mortality. But that is not what gave you fear, it is the fact that your power and all that you were trying to achieve would amount to nothing. That is your greatest fear, to failing those you hold close to your heart." Zangetsu said. "You despair for those back on Earth, who face Aizen and are likely dying and you cannot accept that. Accept that you have been rendered powerless to help them."

Ichigo didn't understand how the hell this made him feel worthless, like fighting meant nothing to him anymore than something to bring him fear. As if sensing his thoughts Zangetsu answered him.

"The demons reinforced this doubt, in the Nether you could not escape them, only delay the inevitable, and this is what brought out that fear. Feeling that you could not win no matter how much you resisted," Zangetsu clarified. "And it is driven on because you feel that your fights are pointless and will lead to nothing, you feel that you cannot win no matter how hard you fight."

Ichigo sank to his knees as he realized what had happened to him, this entire ordeal had been because he could not accept that he had failed. No, that wasn't it either, he knew he had failed and was simply trying to fight against it. His hopes had dwindled and his fears had overtaken them.

"You feel you have failed your home, your family and friends because you are not there defending them. The weight of that failure gave birth to this ocean that drowns you and your hopes." Zangetsu continued to speak as Ichigo began to realize. "You feel ashamed, and you cannot help but blame yourself for everything that has occurred. Because no matter how hard you tried it ended with you failing."

Ichigo could not doubt those words, he had failed them and he was suffering for it. This was as much a punishment for him as it was for those back home he wasn't able to protect. This was his own personal hell that he had been condemned to.

He had only felt fear like this a few times before, when he fought against Kenpachi being the most recent one. But in the end he had been victorious; he had defeated the bastard with Zangetsu's help. He had felt it after his battle with Yammy, having his inner Hollow struggle to take over and leave him helpless to defend anyone. That got Orihime and Chad hurt, nearly killed had it not been for Kisuke and Yoruichi.

But that had not been the same in the Nether, being tossed in there had almost been a punishment for him. Something that Espada had likely thought of, a punishment for failing to protect and save Orihime and the others.

Those demons would hound him for days and remind him of not only his defeat, but the inevitability of his failure that continued to haunt him even now. Because there was no one to come and protect him, and that is the same thing that bothered him. He had to be protected in order to keep going, given strength or support when he needed it.

He wouldn't call it wounded pride, but the fact that against these foes that he had gone against without a moment's hesitation, he had failed to beat them under his own power. What does that say about what he was trying to do? It says that he was unfit to protect anyone and he will not achieve anything with the power he had. This fear was his greatest doom, allowing the failures to form and choke him.

"How do I fix this?" Ichigo asked.

"Of that I cannot help you, I cannot give words or wisdom for you to grasp upon and given immediate relief, you must find it yourself," Zangetsu said, as usual being cryptic about his reply.

"There has to be some way, something you can do!" Ichigo asked, looking desperate to find a possible solution to this.

He couldn't continue like this and allow this to stop him; he had to find a way to fix this problem, to rid himself of his despair. He still had hopes to return home, to stop Aizen and fix the damage that had been caused by that man. But he couldn't do that if he was like this, so vulnerable that fighting caused him to shy away from his duty to protect those dearest to him.

"You must find a reason to fight," Zangetsu said, and continuing before Ichigo could interrupt. "To simply protect is not enough, you must find something within those you wish to protect. You protected Karakura Town for it is your home. You protected your friends because they are precious to you. You must find something within your heart that will give you a reason to fight and overcome this despair."

Ichigo didn't fully understand, but he got the gist of it. He had to have something powerful enough to overcome his fears, to make him see that if he held back that he would only lose more. He needed to have reason to take up the sword and swing it without restraint.

'Do not fear being hit. Know that you can block the attack,' Ichigo thought to himself, remembering Kisuke's lessons.

"What happens if I don't do this?" Ichigo asked.

He really didn't want to know, it may be the fear talking now, but he had to get some form of motivation out of this. Something to kick his ass into gear, often at times it was others that did it for him, but this time he might need to do it himself.

"If you do not succeed, you will lose yourself within despair, and he will return," Zangetsu said, looking over the edge of the building and down at the streets.

Ichigo moved over to stand beside him and glanced down, immediately he recognized the thing beneath then. A great looming darkness sat at the bottom of the street, taking up an entire intersection in size. But deep glowing red markings could be seen along one side of the blackness, tribal in appearance, these red lines formed along one side of the face below.

But it was the deep glowing eyes that looked right at Ichigo that made him realize just what he was looking at. He stumbled back, shocked that he had seen that thing again.

"That Hollow feeds on your despair and doubt, using it to fuel his return. He claws at you beneath the surface and struggles for freedom," Zangetsu said. "You felt it in the Nether, much you cannot remember because he was there. At your weakest moments when you were filled with despair he came forth and took hold. Not fully, but enough to influence you."

Ichigo did not dare look back down at the street, reeling from this revelation. His Hollow was coming back and now he was in a situation where it could take control of him again.

"Did you not ever wonder why you fought differently with the mask? Why you acted so instinctual while fighting? That is him. Giving you the instinctual and animalistic drive necessary to survive," Zangetsu stated. "But now he sees more to influence and control. At Lost Point he took advantage of your pain and was able to manifest the mask and influence you as a puppet."

"How… how is he doing this? I thought I beat him!" Ichigo said, whirling on Zangetsu and wanting answers.

"Because you are filled with despair and as a Hollow, he feeds on it for he is a creature of despair," Zangetsu replied. "And when that pain and anguish reaches its limit, he can reach through and influence you as he wishes. But the cracks are growing larger, and if you do not fight harder, he will take you over again."

"So that's it? I just have to wait for him to come and get me!" Ichigo yelled.

"Focus. Remember what I told you, you must overcome this despair in order to return to yourself. You must fight for something greater than yourself," Zangetsu replied forcefully. "To look into one's heart and see what you want is never enough; it will never be enough to drag you out of this. Only by finding something you will defend with your very life will you overcome this. Only then can you conquer it."

Ichigo felt himself fading, he didn't know what it was but it seemed like he was drifting away yet not moving.

"We are out of time; I had to pull you in here to get my point across," Zangetsu said. "Remember what I told you: You must find something that will remind you of why you fight, you must find a reason to keep protecting no matter how dark the horizon is. Remember!"

Ichigo felt darkness swarm him, but as soon as it did he felt feeling return and he bolted upright. He quickly looked around to find that he no longer was within his Inner World; instead he was back in his room.

He stood from his bed and looked around, finding that it was still night outside and that the festivities were still going on. He walked over to the window to see that not much time had passed, seemed maybe only a few minutes or so. Well at least he had that to think about, he would have liked it better if he was stuck in his inner world until morning. Start at this fresh rather than tired.

'I'm going to be up all night,' Ichigo grouched to himself.

But it gave him an idea of what was wrong and how to deal with this, not knowing was the worst. Thinking that something had happened that took away your ability to actually fix whatever is wrong with you. But now that he knew the symptoms and the cause, he could work to fix this. It was very liberating to have that knowledge now.

Smiling for once, Ichigo was actually happy after so damn long of being clueless. He might have finally had a good thing to this entire situation, so many weird and bad things had been happening since he got here and there had been no real upside. He just hoped that this wouldn't be a trend and that he can finally not worry about the next bad thing to come their way.

"Ichigo?"

The substitute turned to the voice, wondering how many people are going to actually sneak up on him today. He saw Adelina in the doorway, looking a little concerned.

"Are you okay? I saw Joana bring you up here. I was worried that…" Adelina started, but Ichigo held up a hand and interrupted her.

"It's okay, she didn't do anything. She just gave me some advice, advice that I actually needed," Ichigo replied.

"Oh," Adelina said, perking up and moving a little closer, acting as if she went to quickly she would scare him off. "What did she tell you?"

Ichigo was silent for a moment, thinking over everything she told him and that along with Zangetsu that all but confirmed her words.

"I'm doubting myself," Ichigo replied, shrugging at the fact there was not much else to say.

"You doubt your mission here?" Adelina asked.

"More than that. I think this has to do with the Nether, when I was going through it I felt weak and powerless to do anything," Ichigo responded, sighing as he realized he would need to tell her exactly what was wrong with him. "I always valued the power I had, it allowed me to protect the people I cared about and I couldn't ask for anything more than that. But when I was thrown into the Nether, I think I blame myself for being unable to stop the one who threw me there."

He looked thoughtful for a moment, as if he just finally understood the deepest meaning of this and what it meant for him. He fell onto his bed, the dread of it taking his ability to stand, but not as he voiced this same dread aloud.

"When I fought through there that shame of defeat and inability to change anything grew, that failure transferred into my fight for survival. I couldn't do anything to stave off the inevitable and because of that I trapped myself. I made myself think that I am weak, unable to do anything when it comes to protecting anyone," Ichigo replied, as he kept speaking the dread of the realization fell right onto his shoulders fully as he actually analyzed his issues. "I failed to save Orihime from Hueco Mundo, I failed to escape from the Nether, I failed in saving Shady Rest, I failed so many times on my way here that it simply stuck with me. Made me feel like I will always fail, no matter how hard I fight the Espada would win. The demons would take me. The Tauren would destroy the town and everyone in it."

Adelina did not speak, allowing Ichigo to speak his peace before she could give her own opinion. And to her it was heartbreaking to see him like this, someone so committed and strong willed overcome by the failures of his past that he feels that his future undertakings are destined to be fruitless.

"I failed, and I feel that everything that I am striving to do now will fail. Not because I won't get home, but that I am hoping to still have a home to go back to," Ichigo finished, going silent as he admitted to himself that he may never return home again.

Adelina came forward and knelled before Ichigo, taking his hand into her own and making him raise his head so he may look into her eyes. She smiled, it was a sad pitying smile but one none the less.

"In the time that I have known you, you have never given up on your desire to return home. You fought through everything that came upon you and you survived," Adelina said. "You are the single most honorable man I have ever met. You fought to protect the warriors of Feathermoon Stronghold against the Naga, despite the suspicion you would gather when you acted."

Ichigo would have corrected her and said that he had no idea what would have happened, that he did not know if they would accept what he did or not.

"You chose to spare a mortal enemy and even have him healed because you did not wish to shed his blood," Adelina continued. "You may not have saved Shady Rest, but you did not stop until you saw justice delivered for those lost there and those responsible made to pay. Few would do that, to remain and delay their own return home simply to help those you barely know or even trust."

Ichigo would have argued again, saying his weakness is what caused his failure to save Shady Rest. And that he felt guilty for it so he chose to take part as recompense for that failure. But he held his tongue, wanting to know what else she would say. How she would convince him that he was not the failure he thought him to be.

"You escaped from the Nether despite your own words saying you had no chance, you overcame that nightmare and pressed on despite the horrors you bore witness to," Adelina continued. "You have shown strength and humility in everything you do despite the pain you have gone through. You have not failed Ichigo, you are still fighting. I know that when the time comes for you to return back home. You will save Orihime Inoue. Just like you saved me."

Ichigo did not respond, he looked at her for a moment and weighed her words. He did not know if it was his own admittance and allowing the load to be taken off his shoulders, or her words and assurances that he had not failed. Yet it was her last statement that took him by surprise, the honesty and kindness in her words was felt.

"Do not give up hope, it is something we all cling too, and no matter how small and dismal it may seem. You will fight all the harder to keep it. So hope not in returning home. Hope that when you do your friends will be waiting for you," Adelina replied, smiling as she stood up and walked to the door.

She left Ichigo alone, he did not need to be consoled and coddled, he only needed words so that he could reflect on them. All that was needed now was for him to understand them.


Next Morning

"Alright, here is your pay," Joana said, handing over two pouches of gold to Adelina.

She looked at the bags and found that one was slightly larger than the other. Although Adelina did hear Caren complaining about not getting recompense for their services, she smiled slightly at the grumpy young mage.

"Why is this one larger than the other?" Adelina inquired.

"That is Ichigo's; he gets extra because he did most of the heavy lifting for the operation," Joana replied, and did not need to clarify because almost everyone knew that the young man was responsible for capturing Stonewatch Keep and aiding in scaring off the Firegut Ogres.

"Oh, I am sure he will be thankful," Adelina replied.

"I am sure," Joana replied, nodding her head and about to walk off but stopped when she saw the orange head youth walking out of the inn.

"Hey guys, you all ready to head out?" Ichigo asked, walking towards them and seemingly in good spirits, he seemed to be perfectly normal and without any apprehension.

"We are prepared," Galen said. "I will set up a portal to take us back."

Ichigo nodded his head and turned to Joana, no words were said between them for a moment before she walked forward.

"I gave Adelina your share; we gave you extra for Stonewatch and that mission into Dreadmaul Rock," Joana said, walking forward and passing the substitute.

"Thanks," Ichigo said.

"It's no issue."

"Not about the money," Ichigo replied, looking back at Joana and giving her a look only she could understand. "About last night, thank you."

Joana did not respond but only gave a nod before she continued on her way. Ichigo and his new party now stood in the middle of the street waiting to depart back to Stormwind and then Theramore Isle. Galen turned and with practiced ease formed a shimmering portal before him, in the center formed a clear image of the mage tower where Ichigo first arrived in Stormwind.

Galen and Caren walked through first, leaving Ichigo and Adelina to follow. But as they were about to pass through the threshold Ichigo looked at Adelina.

"Hey Adelina," Ichigo called, drawing the druid's attention to him and she saw his sincere smile for the first time. "Thank you."

Adelina smiled as well.

"What are friend for?" Adelina replied, stepping with Ichigo into the portal.


There you have it, all sorted and clean shaven. Hope you all liked the chapter and are ready for more when the time comes.

Reviews:

CrazyQuilava: Happy to give it to you, and sorry for the long delays between the chapters, really was rolling on my other stories and I couldn't stop.

Kragh50: No, Bankai next arc. In the next arc he will show case it. Also I did not put much description into those fights as they are inconsequential. Nothing major or dangerous, but the ones that come later will be much more detailed I assure you. So no worries.

Reality Deviant: Glad you like it.

Ctornello: I am happy to provide.

Guest #1: Your suggestion is a good one and I can promise you that while Ichigo has not gotten into anything yet and will eventually. There will be some bumps along the way, if you know what I mean. I promise that you will see some kinky woman in his life and that he will actually be getting a few admirers in his later years. Of that you have no doubt.

Krazyfanfiction1: He can use it, but it is all about the draw, after all because he is bound to physical form it is actually harder to channel spiritual energy than in a spiritual body. Kind of like how he is in his human body compared to his Shinigami one. You will actually get an explanation on it soon.

Impstar: Hope that this chapter helps you understand the reasons he is like this my friend, and that it puts you at ease to know that he is coping and beginning to realize.

Black cross0: True, Transcendence is a much easier and more thought paced story compared to United which is very tricky to follow sometimes because there is so much going on from one point to the next that you often need to have a real clear memory to remember exactly what is going on.

Ultima-owner: That is true, Ragnaros is one of four entities that has the power to match the Old Man, and he is by far the most destructive in terms of power and willingness to use it. And even then he is not even at his full power.

Meech Macho: That is true, Ichigo is basically in a dark place now and has no idea what is happening back home and is hoping against hope that everything is going alright back there and that everyone is safe. Because he knows that with everything going on it cannot be good.

Yeah, most Harem fics tend to set it up too quickly, into the Realm of Magic a Bleach and Fairy Tail crossover did it alright despite it having a bit too much emphasis on why they liked Ichigo. Sometimes it is better when you acknowledge these feelings that you keep them at certain points and places rather than continually bring them up. As it takes away from the story despite it being a very well thought out and enjoyable story.

Also Adelina simply liking him after only a month of knowing him is a big stretch. After all you do not fall in love that quick, and he hasn't done anything so drastic with her to make her fall for him. And Caren, she is a cold girl and Ichigo really needs to work to get him into her heart.

Leapinglemur: Yeah, killing is something of a last resort with some characters, it is not something to just do on a whim and say that's it. You've got to really consider this and if you look at Ichigo's track record, the people he has killed have always been those who he has had no choice but to kill because there is no other way. He weighs the option and even in life and death struggles he doesn't just strike the enemy down, he thinks as well. A bit foolish but that is who he is.

Telron: It will take time for Ichigo to overcome this, it is not easy for him and the troubles are still there. But he will overcome these fears soon.

Star: Glad you like it, remember that as long as you follow her orders she will see you through the fight, go off tangent and you will die. Basic military discipline, don't follow it and you will die.

MSG1000: Trust me, Ichigo will get some attention later in life, in a way you will laugh at.

Aeonir: Dude, he is sixteen and technically this is during his time in the first part before the time skip. Also he is in a human body, if people do not read the notes I am starting to get annoyed. When the time comes it will all be explained, so please be patient.

Nihatchlodra: Well at least you left because you felt the pacing was off, I tend to like stories that have some depth to them.

Evil Reviewer: Yeah, my beta-reader is on vacation, or work, something about fire in the mountains. I miss him, he was cool.

Daio Ine: Glad you like it, and I do try to write like that, and actually not imagine it like a movie, but a video game like God of War. I find that movies take away the details but a game has you playing through it all and you get to decide what you want to be shown of that game.

Also do not despair my friend, in time Ichigo will get a girl, but what girl? We shall see.

There you have it, hope that you liked the chapter and the story as a whole.