A tag of sorts for "Common Ground", Closet Poet style.

oooOOOooo

Dr. Kate Heightmeyer watched carefully as Elizabeth blinked at her, leaned forward abruptly to pick up her tea mug and take an unsteady sip, then set it down, straightening her shirt with a suddenly brisk, businesslike air.

"I'm sorry, what did you ask?"

The counselor couldn't help grinning. "I asked, Elizabeth, if you've been sleeping well since Colonel Sheppard's ordeal."

"I'd think he'd be the one you'd have to ask -"

"Doctor Weir…"

Elizabeth stopped, dropped her head for a moment, before speaking quietly. "I'm sorry, Kate. I just-"

Dr. Heightmeyer waited for her to finish, saw her shoulders tremble, and took a deep breath. This might be worse than she thought. But the team leader for Atlantis pulled herself upright, even though her eyes were shining sadly.

"- it's just that… I'm the one who let it happen."

"You weren't the one torturing him, Elizabeth."

"No. But I could have stopped it. I could have stopped it like that." She snapped her fingers and looked away, pushing her hand back through her hair. "And now… " She paused for a moment, looked back at the counselor as if she were in charge once more. "Is Colonel Sheppard doing all right?"

Kate didn't flinch, although her voice became every bit as professional as Weir's. "According to Carson's report, he's doing fine."

"You know what I mean."

"And you know that I'll tell you - as is my sworn responsibility- if and when Colonel Sheppard is not fit to perform his duties."

Elizabeth's eyes flared for just a moment, before she dropped them to her hands, which twisted in her lap fitfully. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to suggest… you know."

"I do." The doctor picked up her own mug and sipped her coffee, wondering how long it would take for the lead team of Atlantis to come to terms with Sheppard's capture and torture. Interestingly enough, John's forced session with her – a military obligation she had only been able to enforce with Carson's help - had made it clear that he wasn't still tormented by the physical abuse. At least, not as much as some other issues he had. Kate sighed. "I can tell you this much, Elizabeth, or remind you of it, since you've seen his service records as well as I have. He's dealt with capture before. He's dealt with 'physical abuse', as he cavalierly calls this episode, although as far as I'm concerned it is far different."

"He doesn't consider having the life sucked out of him a distinctly unique kind of – 'physical abuse'?"

She gave a wry smile. "You know John."

Elizabeth shook her head and chuckled quietly. Her eyes grew more serious. "We're fortunate to have him."

"I agree. And the point, Elizabeth, is that we do still have him."

"I know."

Kate waited a moment while the leader of Atlantis took a few deep breaths, recollecting herself. "Have you spoken with him yet?"

"The debriefing was yesterday, after Carson released him."

"Yes, but have you spoken with him, Elizabeth. That was the question."

Elizabeth shrugged, looked off toward the windows that showed an ocean of horizon. "I've been giving him space." She looked up as Kate pursed her lips doubtfully. "All right. I want to, I think. I guess I'm not sure how well I'll hold together."

"Who says you have to?"

oooOOOooo

The night was cool and still after the afternoon rain, with barely a breeze moving across the island of a city. The cloudcover was breaking into feathery wisps that let the moonlight through with a silvery glow, and finally thinned enough that the stars shone through with a gossamer glimmer.

Elizabeth Weir stood in the dark, the lightspill from the windows near her balcony giving just enough light to read from the notebook she wrote in. Or tried to write in. With a frustrated groan she scratched out a word, dropped her forehead against the book that rested in turn against the railing. "This is ridiculous." Lifting her head and looking out across the ocean, she took a deep breath. Maybe if I could just cry and get it over with… Elizabeth hadn't really cried since they'd got John back from the Genii, although she'd come close. Hell, she felt like she was living close to tears these days, like the glass was already overfull and the only thing keeping it from spilling was surface tension. She stared again at the notebook and tried to find the words she wanted. Tearing out the page, she was about to crumple it when instinctively she tensed as the door behind her opened.

"Ah… Elizabeth?"

She stiffened even more as she heard whose voice it was. Unfortunately for her sense of propriety, she found that she sniffed once before speaking. "Yes, Colonel?"

John stepped closer, frowning at her back. "Elizabeth? Are you alright?" He glanced at the page she tried to quickly cover, and his head dropped to one side in exasperation. "Don't tell me that idiot wrote you again, asking for his toothbrush or something."

"What?" Elizabeth turned, frowning in confusion, until it abruptly hit her just what he was talking about. Simon. She had told him some time ago about a message she'd received asking for some books of his that she still had… and now, after all that he'd been through, John was worried that she was upset about Simon? Dumbfounded, she stuttered out an answer. "No… no, it's not… him. I –" She stopped, uncomfortable, as his expression mirrored her own.

"Well… good. Listen, Elizabeth. I just wanted to thank you."

Her eyes widened. "You… want to…thank me?"

"Yeah." He leaned over the railing, looked down at the water. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet. "I've had to send men into battle. I've had to make choices for the 'greater good'. I know how hard it can be. At least in the military we get training for it." He turned so he was leaning sideways against the rail, and looked at her sincerely. "Thanks for listening to me when I was trapped there."

Doctor Weir took a deep breath, her voice low and shaky. "There wasn't anything else I could do –"

Distracted, John cut her off. "You know, I got a call last night from General O'Neill. We compared notes about being captured, and whether it was better to have the life drained out of you, or to be killed over and over again and brought back to life… I think he won." He grinned and she shook her head in disbelief at his calm. "Honestly, Elizabeth. I appreciate your deference to my order. It would have killed me if I didn't think you respected my -"

He was cut off as she threw her arms around him, choking out the sobs that had finally surfaced. "Damn it, John."

Sheppard's eyebrows lifted as he slowly put his arms around her, holding her for a long while as she wept quietly into his shoulder. "Elizabeth?"

"I was so… " She shook her head, stepped back and looked at him for a long moment, wiping her eyes. It was Doctor Weir who spoke through her tears. "I'm glad you're alright. We need you here. I …"

Weir inhaled quickly, turned and almost flew through the doors to the balcony, not noticing the paper that fluttered loose and fell to the floor as she appeared to nearly run away. John saw the sheet, grabbed it as it fell in the still night. "Elizabeth?"

He watched her back through the window as she exited the gate room, heading toward the living quarters. Frowning, he looked down at the paper, hard to read in the dim light, covered with scribbles and scratched out lines. If it hadn't been so dark, he probably wouldn't have even tried to read her personal papers... but there was just enough light that he could.

I held your life in my hands
a precious, shining star
that illuminated my every day

and in a moment
I watched that light grow dim
knowing that I had the power
to bring you back

knowing I had the power
to end the torment I saw
tearing you apart
tearing me

knowing I could not

knowing this could end everything
any possibility

knowing

The words ended with a few scribbled lines, as if the author had simply given up on trying to express her feelings. John stared at the page, reading and rereading it. Finally, he folded it carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.

Glancing once more at the stars, he headed inside, finding his way through the halls to Elizabeth's quarters.

It seemed they needed to talk.

oooOOOooo