December 16, 998
Start of Winter Solstice

Dear Diary,

It has been exactly eighty-two days since that fateful day. Honestly, why should I feel so surprised after everything that has happened in my life? Then to top everything else, I was yanked from my twenty-first century life and thrust backwards in time. It's true I've been thrown one thousand and twelve years back in time.

Ayana had a rather brilliant plan on integrating me into their society. So far it appears to be working. I'll try to remember to do a journal entry about that at a later time. Right now I want to focus on other details before I forget them. So naturally, on our trek out to the outpost, I had shared my love of writing with both Tatia and Ayana. I'm not sure when it happened exactly but at some point I must have lamented the fact that I missed writing in my journal. After our arrival in the village it took some time for her to find someone to craft this journal for me. But yesterday she presented me with this journal I'm writing in now. Ayana even went a step further and charmed it so that it will only open if a drop of my doppelgänger blood is dripped onto the front leather cover.

For added security I'm writing in English, for two reasons: it takes a little extra time to convert the Old Norse into the English language which I've known my entire life. And I don't want to lose touch with it. It would be really strange to return to my time and have to think about what I want to say or write in Old Norse before translating it into English. Which technically is still in its historical infancy so any translation spell used will take issue with it. So additional protection from that too. Yea!

I'm starting to feel that I'm adapting to the daily routine. Even on the necessary preparations for the three full moon nights since my arrival in the tenth century where we as a community need to seek shelter in the caves, during which the night is owned by the werewolves alone. Jarl Mikaelson really hates them (werewolves). I think he feels powerless in face of this supernatural presence and maybe a tad bit envious. But far be it from me to tell a grown man maybe they should have settled elsewhere. Right? It seems the classical male Machismo is alive and well in this century just as it is in my own.

Sorry I had to vent, but my second encounter with the Mikaelson Patriarch in relation to when he was a vampire hunter has not really improved my feelings towards the man. But seriously, what should have I expected?

Jarl Mikaelson grilled me for what seemed like hours about my encounter with Ansel and his beta, Jade. I really didn't understand until now how much hatred our village chieftain has towards werewolves. The good news is that I'm now officially a member of this community. I live with Ayana, and my supposed cousin Tatia is now officially married, and from what I can see, they are adjusting to married life. It seems that my ancestor has a very active sexual life and I can't help but wonder how long it will be before she is expecting.

The most exciting event occurred five days after being interrogated by Elijah's father, when I was making my bed and I found a note from my friends in the future. I cried that night but it wasn't sad tears. No, I was happy and relieved that they haven't given up on me. But I was confused by the portion of the message that seems to hint that Stefan was hiding me from them. And if I somehow manage to escape, I should call one of them regardless of the time. Since I can't really respond, I guess I will have to wait to find out what they meant by it.

I have officially met every Mikaelson sibling now. And surprisingly I get along with Rebekah, of all people. At least while she is human, she seems no different from other girls her age. I have to remind myself that Rebekah, Niklaus, and Elijah in this time are not vampires yet. Probably a good thing too, since Elijah as a vampire would just know that I'm holding something back about myself. I still feel embarrassed with literally pulling the 'falling damsel in distress' routine when I fell into Elijah's arms, but I had to take it a step further by talking about the length of his hair. I felt utterly mortified when I heard them discussing it the day afterwards. But I don't think that really bothers him that much, he actually makes it a point to see how I'm doing almost every day. It's really sweet of him to be so concerned about me.

But I've got chores to do for the start of the twelve days of Yule, and then I need to meet Ayana in her spell chamber this afternoon. She told me this morning during breakfast that she needed to talk to me in private. Sounds mysterious! Hopefully she is going to explain to me how she is finally going to get me home. It's been interesting visiting here, but I really want to go back to my own time.

Still, I will miss the people and friendships I've already started here at this time. Despite our rocky start in the future, Rebekah, or as she wants me to call her 'Bekah' and I, are fast becoming close friends. I wonder if we still will be friends when I return or how Elijah or even Klaus will treat me when they realize that Elena Petrova and Elena Gilbert are one and the same.

These questions have been on my mind a lot, and hopefully Ayana has good news for me. The note I found in my bed just days after returning from the outpost has really given me hope. Ayana borrowed it over three weeks ago and said she was going to check the residual magic still remaining on it. Please let whatever Bonnie did in the future to accomplish that feat be my ticket home. Cross fingers and hopefully the next journal entry will have some good news.

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December 16, 998
Ayana's Spellchamber
Start of Winter Solstice

Elena's torch light flickered, casting random shadows on the cave walls. It was amazing how accustomed to the benefits of modern technology a person could become, then being denied access to it can be rather jarring; she decided after about her third week in the past. Having something as simple as a flashlight which won't be invented for nearly nine hundred years would be a godsend for her, especially now.

"Ow… Damn it! Stupid frickin rock!" Elena muttered aloud in mild irritation. Undaunted, she limped cautiously onward, swearing that would be the last time she tripped over that particular rock outcropping again. It was most probably the same bloody one after so many times she'd lost count. She stepped gingerly into the antechamber, which was bone dry, unlike in her own time. She couldn't help herself as she moved the torch in such a way to cast its light onto the far wall. The pictograms she'd wanted another look at while still in the future were missing. When do they get added and who is the first person to carve them into the wall, Elena wondered.

As she considered who it might be, she entered Ayana's chamber and wrinkled her nose at the scent of a burning plant. She peered through the opening into Ayana's Spellchamber and found the person she was expecting working off to the side with her back facing Elena.

"Ayana, what are you burning?"

Ayana only partially turned to face her. That is when Elena finally noticed the one hand she'd been waving about, a smoldering bundle of whatever plant she was burning.

"Please come in Elena. Don't be alarmed, it's only sage. Some find the smell of it rather aromatic. However, in our case it will offer us some protection from being disturbed or overheard; at least while a persistent scent of it lingers in the air. Now come join me over by my work table over here. We have some rather important matters to discuss," Ayana said, motioning for Elena to take the closest seat next to her. Hope swelled within her chest and Elena hurried to join the older woman. Did she find a means of finally sending me home? How is she going to explain my sudden disappearance to everyone? Alter their memories again?

These were thoughts which danced through her mind all along the trail to the entrance of the cave network.

After she put the torch into an available wall sconce, Elena did as Ayana had requested and before long they were sitting next to each other, each with a warm mug of herbal tea of Ayana's own creation. The brew was strong. It wasn't coffee, but it sure did work like coffee. Elena more than once was tempted to ask if it's loaded with caffeine or something magically infused into it.

They made small idle talk before the witch reached for a folded piece of paper sitting atop one of Ayana's books.

"I looked at the residual spellcraft used to send this back in time and I can confirm that it was indeed cast backward into time by one of my descendants."

Elena sat there, processing Ayana's statement. She reached for the note. Ayana handed it over to Elena, who held it as if it were the most precious thing in the entire world. For her, it was a physical link to her friends and family.

"Does this mean that my friends know where, or should I say when, I am and they might be trying to find a spell to bring me back?" Elena asked, hope swelling in her chest tighter with the thought that she might be able to see her friends and Jeremy again.

"Sadly, no child. The best I can feel from the spell is that it should not have worked but something or someone was present when it was cast and helped," Ayana said gently. She knew the young doppelgänger fervently hoped to go home. Which only made her hate what she had to do now, even more.

"I… I don't understand, does that mean the Spirits of Nature helped send it? If that is the case, then why can't they do the same for me? I mean they are the ones that brought me here in the first place," Elena asked, nearly pleading that her most fervent desire could be granted by wishing alone.

"It's possible they helped with the conveyance of your friends' note to you," Ayana offered, not wishing to say anymore but she knew that she would need to say something very soon. She saw the hope return in the Elena's troubled brown eyes and Ayana's heart almost broke right then.

"Why do I sense a 'but' coming in my very near future? Ayana, please tell me that I'm wrong?" Elena asked, worrying her lower lip. She wasn't stupid, contrary to Damon's less than pleasant interludes. She deep down felt that Ayana was holding something back.

This morning had started off better than others. She had a dream she was talking to her brother about her experiences in the past. He'd listened to her descriptions of the village and the people she was growing close to. Even ironically the Mikealsons themselves, but she highly doubted anyone back home knew them by their surname, anyway. Reality reared its ugly head when she finally did wake up. Once again to face the fact she was still currently marooned one thousand years in the past. Despite how it had ended, it still was a pleasant dream, and she didn't regret having it.

Ayana finished her tea and took Elena's hands into her own. Elena's body tensed. This oddly felt very similar to that fateful day she'd woken up at the hospital and Aunt Jenna told her the fate of her parents. Please God, don't say it!

"Child, have you ever heard that as witches we style ourselves as the true servants of nature itself?"

"Yes. Your descendant, my best friend Bonnie, has mentioned that to me more than once. But why does this matter?" Elena asked, puzzled by the odd change in the topic. She so wanted to drink her tea to calm her nerves, but Ayana was still firmly holding her near trembling hands.

"The problem with witches is that they often take themselves way too seriously, but to be fair, so do most people. It's most likely why humanity has come this far, and based on the few things you've described well into our future too."

"I'm still not sure what you're trying to tell me. I agree people take themselves way too seriously but what does this have to do with my situation?" Elena asked, her apprehension growing.

"The point is that the Spirits of Nature are more than capable of maintaining the natural balance themselves and that involves the natural progression of time itself," Ayana stated succinctly.

"But witches are-" Elena started but halted. Her chest felt too tight.

"Servants of Nature," Ayana finished for Elena. "That we are and when necessary we provide whatever support is required of us at the given time. For your benefit, I did do my own research on spells for passing something or someone through time itself. Elena as much as I hate to say otherwise, they just don't exist nor can any be created. Only the Spirits themselves can send something through time, and even that is limited. Elena, they just don't let anyone have this honor."

Elena's brain was still trying to process everything. Sure as hell doesn't feel like an honor to me!

"Let me guess. The reason I was picked for this supposed honor is because I'm the vaunted Petrova Doppelgänger?!" Elena spat, not even attempting to hide the vehemence in her bitter rebuke.

"No child, being a Petrova Doppelgänger isn't enough. Although in your case it helps, but there is something else. If you think about it, I know you'll get it," Ayana said, doing her best to sooth her young ward.

She felt like snapping at the older witch, magic be damned. A recent memory tickled her tormented thoughts, and Elena used her anger to force it to the surface. Shocked, Elena looked up, having not noticed she had unconsciously lowered her head.

"I'm a Child of Destiny too, aren't I?" Elena muttered, her discussion with Ansel coming to mind. Her emotions were a chaotic mess. She was still not willing to admit what part of her already knew. Just thinking about verbalizing it was too much.

"Yes! Child, that you are. I know that this is going to be hard to hear, but there is no way to send you back to your original time. I'm sorry Elena Petrova but this is your home now," Ayana said gently as she could, considering the circumstances.

Elena quickly yanked her hands free of Ayana's grasp as she stood up, backing away, shaking her head in denial. "NO! I… I had a life I… can't… NO!" Elena backed away till she felt the stone wall pressing into her shoulder blades.

"Elena… I-"

"NO! Please! Just leave me the hell alone!" she screamed. Her vision was now blurred with still unshed tears, yet somehow she still managed to grab her torch from its sconce. With it in hand, she bolted for the exit, not bothering to stop as Ayana called after her. Elena needed time alone, she knew, so instead Ayana sat in the stark silence of her own thoughts while watching the rapidly retreating light of Elena's torch light, until even it too disappeared into the darkness of the caves. The same cave network in which her community retreated into every full moon. However, Elena's muffled sobbing still reached her ears. Even For Ayana it hurt just knowing what had just been figuratively lost to the young girl.

"Well, that went just about as I'd expected it would," she said mirthlessly, then sighed audibly. There was a brief ten count pause before she gently shook herself out of her own stupor. Now onto the next task of the day. With her head balanced on a raised fist, Ayana shifted her attention on the opposite seat to the one Elena had just vacated. She stared into the empty space, letting her mind wander before finally clearing her throat.

"So Isobel, is it? Your daughter certainly does have the infamous Petrova fire, doesn't she?" Ayana asked, only now acknowledging her silent guest for the first time.

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December 16, 998
Ayana's Spellchamber

"I'd offer you a mug of my tea, which I must say your daughter Elena appears to have acquired a taste for. It does help with staying awake but I doubt you'll have a need for that aspect or even be able to drink it in your present condition," Ayana continued, successfully hiding her own amusement from the woman who she'd quietly observed shared many of the physical similarities as her doppelgänger daughter. Privately, Ayana had wanted to talk to the deceased woman for weeks and figured now was probably the best time for it.

Silence reigned in the chamber afterwards and a contest of wills started. Who would speak first between the pair of them, Ayana wondered as she carefully sipped her own mug of hot tea.

Isobel on the other hand still hadn't uttered a single word in response, nor did she breathe out the air she reflectively pulled into her lungs, not that either would've been necessary for a multitude of reasons. She'd long given up hope that anyone would ever address her directly again.

"Isobel?" Hearing her name spoken aloud did help to pull her out of her stupor.

"H… How can you be interacting w… with me then? I'm a gh-" Isobel stammered. She'd been alone for so long it actually felt uncomfortable to be actually talking to someone.

"A ghost? Normally I wouldn't be able to, but thanks to my Spellchamber we can. And before you ask, it was spelled to help me focus an old family trait, you see. With practice we can sense the presence of nearby spirits but I still need to be inside this chamber so I can visually see and speak to spirits such as yourself," Ayana answered when Elena's mother couldn't bring herself to finish her last statement.

"Although it's rather taxing on my magic. If I could channel something or someone it would last longer, but we should have time to talk for a short while."

Isobel took in Ayana's explanation and couldn't find a reason to dispute it with her. She did have a number of questions herself. The first one filled her with apprehension and considering that after being compelled to kill herself. She didn't know if Klaus had known who she was related to, but she strongly suspected if he had, he just might have compelled her to turn her emotions back on. When she stood in front of her own daughter in the cemetery and removed her daylight pendant; her final memories of the burning pain and horrified expression of her only daughter still haunted her thoughts.

Still having trouble remembering the words for her unspoken question, she hesitated only briefly before shifting her gaze to the exit her daughter had used not long ago.

"She couldn't see you if that is your concern, but if you'd wish to have a mother daughter time I could-" Ayana answered for her but stopped when Isobel turned her frightened eyes shone with fear Ayana couldn't adequately describe.

"NO!" Isobel shouted, her eyes wild with fear. "I… I mean I would want to but the last time we were face to face it was under duress and how I left with so much unsaid I…" Isobel added when the witch had nodded for her to continue. Isobel knew she wanted to say more, but her voice finally faltered. She might be a ghost, but she was still a vampire and, as with her race, emotions were only intensified. It was part of the reason she turned off her humanity, she'd rationalized that act so long ago it hurt just to think how foolish she'd been.

"You mean when you killed yourself in front of your daughter? Not that you had any choice in the matter," Ayana stated in a matter-of-fact tone that only earned her a hard glare from Isobel in return.

"How!? Do you know that? And while we're talking, just how the hell do I even know what you're saying? It just occurred to me that I shouldn't be able to understand your people's language, and yet I do," Isobel responded, feeling somewhat defensive. She wished she never had encountered Klaus, but she had been trying to protect her daughter.

"How do I know that you are Elena's mother? That's a rather easy answer. When she arrived in our time I used a spell to access her memories," Ayana quickly held up a hand to forestall the verbal assault Isobel was preparing to launch. "I deeply regret doing that but it was necessary for her survival in the tenth century. So I needed to know how best to prepare her for whatever path she chooses to make."

"So you know about vampires and their genesis then?" Isobel finally asked once she'd calmed down to ask a question. She might have given up her daughter to be raised by strangers, yes, but she still was the one that had carried Elena for nine months after all.

"I do," Ayana said simply, and took another sip of her tea. A part of Isobel wished she was still alive so she could reach over and throttle the witch's neck.

"So aren't you going to try to stop it all from happening?!" Isobel asked, her raised voice not hiding her exasperation.

"Isobel, it is not my place to do as you'd suggested."

"B… But you're a witch?" Isobel responded, dumbfounded.

"Yes, and a proud member of the Bennett bloodline, too, but even I do have my limitations. There are only a select few supernatural beings that can do anything, really. Since your daughter is both the last Petrova Doppelgänger and a Child of Destiny…" Ayana said, intentionally not finishing her sentence.

"I still don't know what the hell that means even weeks after hearing both Elena and you discussing it here of all places," she grumbled. Stupid witches, why do they always feel the need to be so cryptic!

Ayana studied the former vampire and sighed, making a decision to tell her just enough to satisfy Elena's mother. It wasn't like she could tell anyone, least of all Elena herself.

"Your daughter can help, through her actions, pick a destiny the Spirits wouldn't take issue with. There are things she can't change but she can affect, nonetheless. There is a reason the Spirits selected her and she alone can handle this burden. It was what she was born for. After all, I've seen her memories. I know about what her biological father expressed to her in his last letter to her."

As if unbidden, the contents of the letter came forth in Isobel's mind. She wasn't entirely sure how she knew, granted she had been a ghost standing next to her daughter while Elena read it, but in the memory of her former boy crush she'd for once respected her daughter's privacy by not reading it over her shoulder.

Elena,

It's no easy task being an ordinary parent to an extraordinary child. I failed in that task. And because of my prejudices, I failed you. I am haunted by how things might have turned out differently if I had been more willing to hear your side of things. For me it's the end. For you, a chance to grow old and someday do better with your own child than I did with mine. It's for that child that I give you my ring. I don't ask for your forgiveness or for you to forget. I ask only that you believe this: whether you are now reading this as a human or as a vampire, I love you all the same, as I've always loved you and always will.

Love,

John

But now she kind of wished that she had. If knowing how he felt and how she was now reacting to it with her own swell of emotions now. She'd regretted ever flipping her switch since her humanity restored was affecting her now, and it made her feel alive.

"Thank you," Isobel sobbed finally, her emotional energy well worth its expenditure.

"Can I ask a question that Elena's memories don't seem to have an adequate answer to?" Ayana asked softly after Isobel's crying subsided enough to ask.

"I think you've earned the right on this occasion. What do you want to know?"

"Why did you flip your humanity 'switch' off?"

Isobel smiled slightly and regarded the witch with a gimlet eye before she answered. "Ironically it was because I loved too much."

"Pardon me?"

Isobel, still smiling, proceeded to explain.

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December 16, 998
Outskirts of Settlement

Elena blindly dropped her extinguished torch near the entrance of the cave network and started to run, half stumbling along the well-worn trail. Even with the tortured state of her soul and the pang of loss of never seeing her friends again, she'd been in the past long enough to know it was unwise to wander into the forest alone, especially with Jade after her. Still, she was content to be out and about just on the outskirts outside of her new home.

Just the word home threatened to break her emotionally again. She wanted to deny it but even she knew in the short time she'd come to know Bonnie's ancestor. Ayana would never have said what she did if she didn't mean it. Her emotions were still raw and she wanted to scream at the world for everything that has happened in her eighteen years of life.

"First, it was all about learning that I'm Petrova Doppelgänger. Now I'm a freaking Child of Destiny! Whatever the hell that means!" Elena's voice climbed into a near shrill. Elena's body sagged next to a large pine tree. Still, all things considered, it wasn't as bad as she first thought. She had made friends with Tatia and Ayana right from the beginning. Then she made a permanent friend with Romana and her father, Adric. It was a little jarring to know her ancestor Tatia, who from a biological standpoint was four years Elena's junior. However, she was now married to Lodur and far as she knew was already expecting their first child.

Elena knew she wasn't being fair, applying twenty-first century morals and such to a world where the remnants of the Roman Empire were still holding on in east Europe as the Byzantine Empire. Still, it did bother her, but from everything she's seen of Tatia's husband, he was a good man and a good provider. So who is she to judge?

She had even started to become better acquainted with the Mikaelson Family. Finn the eldest sibling, which surprised her at first because she had just assumed from her interactions with Elijah that he was the eldest, not the second. Finn was polite to her on the rare occasion they met in the village, but he mostly kept to himself. From what she observed he actually avoided conflict, almost leaving the role of older sibling in Elijah's hands. A role Elena privately thought he was better suited for in the now and based on what she had seen in the future he cared about the well being of his family. Rebekah was on the cusp of puberty and Elena could already see the start of how beautiful she'd become in what she observed in her own time period.

Kol was a character and she would've sworn that he was a younger version of her Elijah, but personality wise he was more outgoing and could be best described as a practical joker. It didn't help that he was a witch and didn't refrain from using his magic in his pranks. So far Elena hadn't been on the receiving end of such pranks, but from what Rebekah told her it was only a matter of time.

Henrik was a happy ten-year-old, much like Elena when she was at that young age. He was curious about the world. It wasn't hard to see him trying to leave the safety of the caves to watch the werewolves shift into their wolf form. Elena wondered not for the first time since arriving in this time what would happen if she interfered with the events that were the genesis of the vampires. She'd refrained from actually doing something but that was when she still had hope of returning to her home. That was before the life changing revelation Ayana had the misfortune of finally telling Elena.

For better or worse this was her home now, and as much as Elena wanted to cry about it she had to face the hard reality that she would never see her family again unless she did the unthinkable and she didn't want that. There were some things that she wasn't willing to do, and losing her humanity wasn't one of them.

Elena sat in silence, considering her options. Even if she did take the initiative to change history, the real problem she faced was two fold. She highly doubted anyone would believe her if she started telling people she was from the future, other than Tatia and Ayana, who both knew the secret of her true origins. Thanks to the spell implanted memories of her supposed past, everyone would assume she was just telling a fanciful story. The other part was that while she knew of certain key events thanks to Elijah and Rebekah. Her knowledge was only second hand at best since she didn't know the exact date that Henrik lost his life. As far as she knew, it could be next month or several years in the future.

Sitting there with the tree pressed into her back, she absently listened to the sounds of activity coming from the nearby village. Elena was lost in her inner turmoil of what to do when a sound of a twig snapping somewhere behind her put her instantly on alert.