The next few days I spent them alone in my home. I sat in my living room on an armchair in indian style with papers strewn out around me all over the floor. Containing all of my thoughts in English. I may have become stronger while I have been in this world, but I also realized I had become complacent especially the last few years. Working my mind like this rather than my body was definitely a change from what I have become accustomed to. But I've now altered this world with a large enough event I doubt that there won't be any impacts to it. Sasuke never consumed Orochimaru and he never rounded up Hebi, he never killed Itachi, Obito never gave him Itachi's eyes. He never did anything that inevitably led him to his largest power growth. "At this rate, Naruto won't go to Killer B and learn how to control the nine tails." I sigh and rub my temples trying to think of ways to correct the balance that will seriously be toppled at this rate.
"On a positive note, Sasuke has been training under Itachi. Learning everything Itachi can teach him. That will help but.. will it be enough? As for Naruto I can always tell Tsunade about Killer B and see to it that she sends him there but I also don't want to bring it up too soon. He still needs to acquire sage mode from Jiraiya and fight with Pein. That's when he learns who his father was." Growling at myself I shake my head before resting my cheek in the palm of my hand with my elbow on the arm of the chair. Looking down at the papers I have written on. Tapping my cheek with one of my fingers as I think. Running through possible scenarios and plans. Weighing them by their percentage rates and probabilities of success. Me becoming the enemy has the highest ratio of numbers. However, I can't do that since they already have a powerful enough enemy. I just have to figure out a way to use what already is, in order to move my plans forward. As is, none of them are strong enough yet to go against Damen. If things keep up like this I'll have to do it myself. Damen, another unknown variable. Is he as powerful as I think he is? Was it just a fluke I felt him in the land of stone, it's not like I stuck around to find out for certain. Even then, if he locked this world away then how is he even here, what's his game plan? Is he alone or has he accumulated an army?
There are so many unknowns at this point. All I can really do is focus on one problem at a time and hope all of my plans mash together fluidly. To top it off, it's not like I can just continue sitting here and make things go my way like before either. Even I need to train. I'm an active chunin to top it off. I will have missions I myself need to complete. It's not like the leaf will keep us here forever. hmm. Groaning at my own thoughts I get up and grab the papers I have been working on before leaving the house. I could use some hot tea right now. Maybe it will clear my mind and help me come to a more determined solution.
As I slide into my normal booth I set my papers down ever before the usual elderly woman comes up to me. "What can I get for you?" She asks me with her normal gentle tone. "The usual please only with an extra order of dangos." I answer her as I begin to look through my stack of papers. I could feel her leave even though she didn't say her usual response. I can only figure that is because she can see that I am busy and she didn't wish to bother me. Shifting myself I pull my legs up onto the bench and cross them into my indian style position. Nearly automatically feeling the relief this position always brings me. Sometimes habits should remain habits.
Slowly one by one I begin building a stack of my scenarios. Picking the ones I believe held the highest probabilities and should coincide with one another the best. Even after the woman had brought me my tea and dangos I continued sorting through my written thoughts. Periodically picking up my tea and taking a sip or taking a bite of a dango. "You seem busy." His low monotone voice breaks into my silence even before he slides into the bench in front of me. His dark eyes moving from my stacks of paper to my snacks and back to me. Setting down the paper in my hands I look up to meet his dark gaze and give him a tilt of my head. "You know, your eyes seem brighter now. Not quite as dull as they were." I point out only to get a smile from him as he reaches over the table and grabs one of my dango sticks. "I kept my promise I made to you." He states as he holds the stick up almost disinterestedly in between two of his fingers as he rests his left arm on the table. "You found a way around Sasuke killing me. So I used the vial you had left with me. Seems not only was my sickness cured but my eyes were repaired as well."
Oh, I see. I give him a nod and look back to my papers a moment. "Maybe I should write that effect down for Shizune. It's good to know that a side effect is it can heal even damage caused by a Kekkei Genkai. Those effects beyond replacing your eyes shouldn't be able to be undone." I mutter to myself only looking back to him as he gives a light chuckle. Itachi... you really are happy now, aren't you? I found myself silently asking before I flash him a smirk. "I'm the greatest, I know." I joke lightly though instead of getting a witty comeback from him he just slightly smiles. "You really are." He speaks quietly and I can only seem to just shake my head. After a moment I found myself exhaling slowly before looking back towards him. "Itachi?" I ask as I watch him take a bite of one of the dangos. Hm? He makes a sound of question as he works on the sticky sweet treat.
"If you were aiming to help someone become even stronger like they should have before you stepped in. How would you do it?" With this question, Itachi closes his eyes and sets the now clean stick back onto the plate. "First, I would gauge their current abilities and compare them to the abilities they would have had. Then I would devise a training regiment built solely around that. Why do you ask?" His voice flows evenly, without a hint of hesitation. Even though his explanation was vague it was almost as if he was thinking about doing just that and letting it play out in his mind. I'm not sure why but Itachi's IQ always catches me by surprise and takes me a little bit to gather myself so I can speak again. "Sasuke." I say his name and watch as Itachi nearly unnoticeably frowns at the mention of his brother's name. "He was supposed to be the one to kill Orochimaru and absorb him along with the snake's knowledge and jutsu. Instead, I killed Orochimaru to save him from having to kill his heart so he could end the one who had become his teacher. By doing so, I hindered the strength he would have acquired. Just as peacefully ending the conflict between the two of you kept him from falling further into darkness and gaining the strength he would have."
I continue to watch Itachi as my words sink in. Reaching up I curl my hands around my teacup patiently waiting for his mind to work around the problem. "I wouldn't worry about that." He finally says with a sigh as he reaches forward and steals my last dango stick. "Even with the abilities he had gained from training under Orochimaru, I have been guiding him to further perfect his Sharingan. When I am done there will be nothing left I could teach him. Including different jutsu, I myself have copied." Exhaling slowly a breath I had been holding I pick up my teacup and bring it towards my lips. Maybe he is right and I should wait to see the results of his training. "Is that what this is about?" He asks pointing the dango stick towards my stacks. "Some of it." I answer him before I take a sip of my tea. Looking down at my papers I nearly sigh. If I trust Itachi's judgment I could plan everything else accordingly. It would certainly take at least one factor off of the table.
Setting my cup down I reach into my pocket and withdraw my wallet. Pulling out the money for my order I set it down on the table. Watching as Itachi finishes the dango stick and sets it down before picking up my teacup and finishing the contents. After he sets down the cup he slides out of the booth and waits for me to gather my papers. As I follow him out of the shop he slows his pace a bit so we were now walking side by side. "Kira." He speaks drawing my gaze up to him. "While it is good to think things through with an objective view. There are things in life that require you to listen and not think." Huh? I question as I look away from him to watch in front of us. "Tactical strategies, procedures, and even gathering information. All of these are examples where the use of your mind is best and impartial deduction is possible. But there are things like relationships where such thinking will only hinder you. You can't look at someone and use your analytical skills to decide if they will be a good match for you. If you do, it can only lead to your own unhappiness."
"I think I understand where you are coming from." I speak as he leads me away from the streets towards the very trees I know will contain a river. "I don't think you do." He states as he stops next to the flowing water. Looking away from him and down to my papers, I find myself frowning before shifting them into my hands and away from my body. Sending my fire through me and into the papers. They set ablaze in my grasp before crumbling to ash leaving my hands empty of them. If I remove the probabilities of Sasuke's strength from the equation I will have to start all over again. It was only once the fire was out I am scooped up into Itachi's arms. One at the back of my knees as the other supports my shoulders. The sudden whipping of my ponytail had me closing my eyes and burying my face into his chest.
Itachi lands with a thump on a tree branch before situating himself into a sitting position with me on his lap. His arms around me gently keeping me close to his chest. "With relationships, you have to feel it. The intense desire to be with someone. The need to have them in your life in every way possible." His voice rumbles in his chest as I open my eyes looking straight ahead towards another tree all the while keeping my head against him. "I know what love is, Itachi." I sigh at his words now uncomfortable with the way this conversation is going. "What I am saying is, being afraid of it is only natural especially after having lost someone as you have." As he speaks he begins running a hand through my ponytail coaxing me to close my eyes. We've been like this so many times these last few years, it's hard to be uncomfortable. Even with him telling Sasuke that I am his prize. Knowing that somehow or sometime Itachi went against his own decision and let love intervene, should make this situation uncomfortable if even slightly. But it was natural. A normality I hadn't realized I was missing.
"This is almost like being back in the Akatsuki with Fishface sleeping at the base of the tree." I comment and I could hear him smile. "For a criminal organization, for the most part, it was indeed peaceful." I know. Looking back, even to me it's hard to believe. I thought to myself letting the memories flow. Filled with all of my time with Itachi and even Fishface. The talks I would have with Pein and Konan, the discussions I would have with Deidara and Sasori. Even the arguments and physical fights I would have with Hidan and Kakuzu. Watching and even laughing as either Deidara or Hidan chased Obito around the common room of the main hideout. Zetsu's multiple personalities arguing with itself when I would talk to them. hn. I guess I became more attached to those criminals than I had originally thought or would allow myself to even think about.
"Kira." His voice brings me out of my reverie and I lift my head so I can look into his dark gaze. "I know, I was cold to you." He begins as his piercing eyes bore into me. "I told you that love would only hold you back and there was no need for such a thing. I intentionally squashed any feelings that you may have built for me that day." With those words, the view of the sunset from that rocky cliff overlooking the ocean comes flooding back to my mind. "I did it to kill my feelings for you. I didn't want to chance you feeling the same way about me. I sacrificed so much and done many things that I regret all for the outcome of my death. I didn't want you to be faced with the pain of losing someone you loved for a second time." Feeling the familiar heavy weight on my chest I look away from him and rest my head against him again.
"I already know this, Itachi. I know... you did it for me." I all but whisper to him and close my eyes again. "I knew it the moment you asked me what Sasuke was to me. I could see it in your eyes mixed with the torment you usually carried." Steadying my breathing I slip my arms around him just as I have done many times before. "I knew you said it so you wouldn't love me. I was okay with it. I told myself you had been through enough pain. And I was more than willing to not put you through anymore. If you wanted us to use each other to alleviate our own suffering even for a short time. I accepted it. You never forced your view on me Itachi. Your words hurt that day but I was still okay with it."
"Was?" He asks, his words vibrating against my ear as I feel his lips brush against my hair. "Just shut up, this conversation is getting too confusing." I grumble but found myself smiling as his chuckles echo in my ear. -To be honest Itachi. Me not loving you isn't the problem. I do love you even if I refuse to say it. Me using my head and not my heart is not why I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to listen when my heart loves Sasuke and Kakashi too.- I think quietly to myself as I listen to Itachi's heartbeat stronger than it had been the last time I had listened to it. Letting the small happiness for this fact overcome all of my painful thoughts and feelings for now. Allowing Itachi's subconscious play with my hair to take away my consciousness and coax me to sleep for the first time in a year.
