A/N: Hi! This is my first POTO fic, so please be kind! I've only watched the movie (too poor to go see the musical, and all the copies of Leroux's novel in the surrounding libraries have either been stolen, misplaced by the library, or lost... --"... So this is based on the 2004 movie (and what I've gathered from reading other fanfics and stuff from forums...). This takes place after DJT (but please cut the graveyard scene at the very end...) Disclaimer: Nothing here belongs to me, except for the plot line... but with the amount of fics that are out there, my fic may bear similarities to other fics at some points in time... if that happens, I DO apologize, and I swear that I made this up myself...

Without further ado, I bring you...

Bittersweet

It has only been 24 hours since the last notes of Don Juan Triumphant were sung. Twenty-four torturous hours. I don't know how I survived those last moments. I didn't know what to think, how to act, what my response should have been. At that one crucial moment, I did what my jumbled mind had been instructed to do.

What a mistake that turned out to be.

Underneath it all, I knew what was going to happen once I took off his mask. I was told over and over again that his reign must end. That his presence in my life was dangerous to me. I was frightened, my heart a mix of emotions. When Raoul first professed his love for me, it seemed to be that anchor to reality, to peace, that I had needed. I readily accepted his love. Now I'm beginning to regret that decision. Was that a decision that was made out of fear? Out of need for security? Or was that based on real love? I no longer know why I turned to Raoul. Did I really return that love for him? Do I love him, or am I truly in love with him? I no longer know.

I am no longer clear about what happened that day. Why I did what I did. All I know is that it was because of me, and me alone, that the Opera Populaire lies in ruins. That many are left without a home, much less a job. That many of the audience that night were injuried. I know not if any were seriously injured or even killed. I don't want to know. I don't want to know what kind of horrors befell them.

Is this how I'm supposed to feel? Wasn't I supposed to feel relieved that he no longer has an influence in my life? Am I not supposed to be glad to be free? I wanted to be free, right? To make my own decisions? But which of the decisions that I have made in the past days, months and even years have been mine and mine alone? Up to this moment, which of the decisions have been my own? Even the decision to accept Raoul's love? To sing Don Juan Triumphant? To take of that mask?

To condemn him to his grave?

Am I to blame? Is it like what Raoul tells me and that I have no fault in this? Or is it like what my heart tells me, that all of this is my fault?

That people died because of me?

That people are injured because of me?

That people are without a home, without jobs, because of me?

That the one man who had been a constant in my life is condemned because of me?

I no longer know…

What is truly wrong or right? I don't know… Don't ask me questions, please… Leave me alone… Leave me in peace…


This and the next chapter will be a look into both of their minds... following which there will be actual dialogue... please review! much thanks!