Title: The highly educational demonstration of how to drive guys off
Written by Professional Scatterbrain.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Rating: Pg – 13 to R
Summary: See challenge set by Karen U
#3 – Karen U
-Lita/Edge, Lita/Jeff, Lita/Christian, or Lita/Jericho.
-A bet between Lita and the divas in which Lita says that she know sure fire ways to drive guys off (Lita is, of course, down about her love life).
-Instead of being driven off, the guy falls for her, and Lita, of course, falls for him as well.
-Happy endings.
-No roster split.
-Other divas should be chosen from the following (at least three other divas): Stacy, Stephanie, Lillian, Torrie, Dawn Marie, Victoria, Ivory, Trish: I chose Stephanie, Torrie, and Dawn Marie.
Chp3: The first tactic
D - Day.
Lita looked over at Stephanie half heartedly and waited for the tirade to commence.
The brunette was filing her nails as she waited for her lunch to be delivered to the table. Sitting beside her, Torrie was playing around with her mobile phone still trying to change the language back to English from Greek. Another long story. A story that involved the Big Show for some reason and the only good thing that had come out of it was Torrie's new ability to say the words menu and text message in a foreign language. Dawn was rather bemused by this misuse of her first language, and had made her opinion on that matter clear more than once.
More or less, it was a normal morning for the four friends . . . apart from one little detail.
The Demonstration.
Like always Stephanie took control of the conversation.
"We decided to start out small, and to let you chose your first tactic. After all this is your demonstration of how to drive off a man, not ours," She announced as if she was given Lita a huge underserved favor.
Gee, thanks.
Thanks a lot.
Stephanie missed the look of distain that marred Lita's face, and instead continued with an excited look on hers, "So what will it be? A million phone calls? Attaching yourself to him so he never gets a single moment alone? What?"
But Lita's attention had wandered, and Dawn was the first to notice why. A couple had just walked in. Two blondes. Two Canadians. Two champions. Lita ducked her head. Her ex best friend and her ex boyfriend. She heard them laugh, and Lita had never felt more wretched. It was as if all had been forgiven for them. Trish was Women's Champion and once again fan favourite while Edge had finally climbed to the top of the mountain, defeating John Cena for the title, in a match that he personally considered ended all title matches.
"Li, we can leave if you want." Dawn suggested sympathetically.
Stephanie coughed, and her eyes narrowed in a shark like manner, "We were here first; if anyone is going to leave, it's going to be them."
Standing up, she stalked over to the pair taking a seat at the table the blonde pair where situated at. Even at the other side of the café, Lita could see the tart anger in the brunettes controlled glare, and the effect of her pointed words. But then Edge had to look at her. When his huge blue eyes meet hers, all Stephanie's words, and all Dawn's death glares meant nothing, and Lita felt like her heart was made of elastic bands and they all were snapping at that very moment.
She looked down at her plate of uneaten breakfast.
She pushed it away.
Suddenly she wasn't hungry anymore.
"Oh sweetie," Torrie cooed softly, "Don't get upset,"
Shuffling closer to the redhead, Torrie wrapped one arm awkwardly around Lita's shoulders, and hugged her offering comfort. It was a familiar scene unfortunately. Lita and Edge now tried to stay out of each others way, but every now and then . . . Lita guessed it was unavoidable given where, and how they worked. She also guessed that she should have learnt her lesson about relationships with wrestlers quite a while ago.
But that lesson didn't stick.
Nor did the one about not accepting free drinks from Stephanie.
Flouncing self satisfied back to the table, Stephanie was smirking like the cat that ate the canary, "I've taken care of them. Don't worry; they won't bother us again,"
"Back to your old tricks," Dawn commented with an uncommonly sharp look in her eyes, "Just like old times,"
Stiffly Stephanie straightened her shoulders, "If you want to say something Dawn Marie, say it."
Dawn opened her mouth, but then after a beat she closed it, her eyes shifted away to Stephanie and back to Lita. Anther practiced change of focus. Stephanie's smirk faded, and was replaced with an aggrieved look. Quickly, she realized the effect the limited interaction with Edge had on Lita. Her normally straight shoulders were slumped, and Stephanie felt her stomach drop at the down trodden look on the redheads face.
"You know he's started calling me the Kiss of Death too. He said that because of me his career-"
"Li, don't listen to him," Torrie interrupted her with concern shinning in her eyes, and patting her hand, "It's not true,"
Lita shrugged and whispered in a heartbreakingly mellifluously voice, "It is, just look at me. Matt was going so well by himself and then when we got back together his career fell apart. Edge was in line to go after the heavy weight championship belt but that all got so messed up the moment I got together with him, and its only afterward we broke up that he's getting any credibility back. It's like the moment I get involved with a guy; I completely destroy their life, ruining all their chances of success in one foul swoop."
"No you don't Li," Torrie replied gently.
"Yes I do," Lita whispered in a choked voice.
"Oh Li . . ." Torrie comforted, her voice sounding hollow as it filled the stagnant air between the women.
No one said a word.
Then after a static moment, Stephanie rapped her nails against the table quickly gaining the other three women's attention, "It looks like we've found our first tactic."
Dawn hit the table with her fist at the other brunette's words. Fury spread through her eyes at Stephanie's tactless and manipulative response to Lita's exposed vulnerability. Lita never spoke candidly, and Dawn was appalled by Stephanie's response. There was a reason Lita so rarely shared anything as personal as she just did, and Stephanie's reaction just illustrated why. Because of that, Dawn knew she couldn't stay in her presence any longer. If she did, Dawn didn't doubt what she could do to the billion dollar princess.
Throwing a couple of bills on the table, Dawn wordlessly gathered her belongings.
"I want no part of this. Steph you're my friend, but if you hurt Lita because of this stupid bet, I won't forgive you."
Storming out of the café, Dawn ignored the calls of Torrie and Lita.
Sometimes she got so tired of Stephanie.
The woman had grown up with the ability and power to order everyone around like her own personal playthings and Dawn detested it when Stephanie tried to do the same thing to her friends. If it wasn't for Lita's insistence that the woman had changed, Dawn doubted that she'd still put up with Stephanie's attitude. But for now, all Dawn wanted to do was go home. She had a plane to catch, and a child to take off 'Uncle' Spike Dudley's hands, and she didn't want to stay a moment longer to watch Stephanie act so maliciously.
Meanwhile, back in the café, Torrie had a frown on her pretty face, "I think I should go too."
"No Barbie, sit stay," Stephanie ordered, "Knowing Dawn, she expects you to remain here and keep me on a tight leash, so you aren't going anywhere until Lita and I finish our conversation. Clear?"
" Crystal," Torrie mumbled chastised into her tea, her eyes downcast . . . but not for long.
Hmm, the tea leaves had formed the shape of a giraffe.
Torrie was sure that meant something quite important. Digging through her handbag for her tea leave interpretation guide, she was sufficiently occupied for Stephanie to continue like nothing had happened. She was all business. But that was normal for her. Once again, Lita was pinned by the sky blue gaze of the youngest McMahon.
That was never a good thing.
"Firstly I think you should go to TNA and see Jeff at work. If Edge thinks you killed his career with your presence and your interference let's see what Jeff thinks after you spend a day or two tailing after his bony arse all day."
With a now somewhat faraway look on her face Torrie completely missed the point of what Stephanie had proposed, and stated girlishly, "Jeff's arse isn't bony. It's quite nice."
She then giggled.
Lita gave Torrie a look but said nothing.
In contrast, Stephanie gave Torrie a not so nice comment, and then explained her proposed tactic further, "Do everything that you did for Edge and Matt. Get Jeff into or out of matches, interfere with matches and with his opponents. Start out slowly, but then get more and more involved."
"But isn't that what Lita used to do when she was in Team Xtreme?" Torrie asked with a little more focus than she had before. "What's the point of all that?"
Stephanie eyed the blonde reproachfully, and spoke very slowly, "Well now it isn't Lita's place to interfere and Jeff won't expected it, nor will he accept it like he did in the past."
The youngest McMahon cracked her knuckles and looked at Lita expectantly. Stephanie was looking forward to the bet. She was downright tried of watching Lita blame herself for every little thing that when wrong in a relationship. As if the other party was faultless! Neither Edge nor Matt were even close to saints and she had more than enough evidence to prove it. Plus, with Hunter on his derange war path trying to knock off Ric Flair and with Jericho in the middle of nowhere playing for that god awful band of his she had nothing to keep her entertained.
"What's the catch?" Lita asked in a sudden rush of words.
Stephanie rolled her eyes.
"Come on Red, you know want to do this. You've got yourself an excuse to hang around with that inbreed for a couple of days with pay since I'm funding this demonstration and you get to fiddle around in his affairs. How long have you wanted to go keep an eye on him and keep him out of trouble?"
Lita stubbornly refused to meet Stephanie's eyes.
Stephanie laughed, "Don't be like that. Come on, you've been dying to go down to Hicksville TNA and kick him back into shape. Especially after all the hearsay and gossip going round about your dear little Jeffy being MIA at the last pay per view."
"So what? Even Trish would have wanted to go down and keep an eye on him after that." Lita stated in a hostile tone.
Stephanie sighed in annoyance, "Stop arguing, it's not becoming for a lady. Even Torrie, shocking as that may sound, can see that you want you do this. Stop acting so frigid."
Both the redhead and the blonde were insulted by Stephanie.
Stephanie rolled her eyes, "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this,"
"No you weren't!" Torrie shrieked with a hint of hysteria in her voice.
The other two women look at Torrie in surprise. She never spoke like that. The only time either of the women had seen Torrie as outspoken as that was when she was with Victoria and Candace Michelle. But, then again with those two, Torrie's role as leader was easily expected given the individual goals of the two raven haired women.
"Shut up Barbie." Stephanie retorted coldly, effortlessly bring a ceasefire to any rebellion from Torrie, before once again, she refocused her attention on her friend, "Li, remember the conditions of the demonstration. You agreed to this willingly."
"No she didn't!" Torrie cried, but once again she was easily ignored by the other two women as they glared at each other.
Lita was the first one to break the stand off. She had agreed. Not quite willingly, but she had agreed. A promise had been made, and the 'demonstration' was underway whether she liked it or not. Besides . . . how bad could it be? All she needed to do was get Jeff to back off for a bit. Maybe just ruffle him sufficiently so he'd give her the same silent treatment he'd tried to give her when he left the WWE, and . . . and he needed this. He needed the help Stephanie's promise for financial reimbursement would give him.
Stephanie knew Lita was weakening.
But just because Lita had agreed to the bet, didn't mean she had to be gracious about the whole thing.
So, she sniffed reproachfully, coolly stating, "Fine. I agree. Happy now?"
Stephanie smiled a beautiful smile in response, "Yes I am. Now scoot."
Jeff was surprised when he saw her waiting outside the locker room for him.
Or more correctly he looked like a school boy just gotten caught red handed after breaking the rules.
"Hey Lita . . . uhm wow, isn't this a surprise." He managed to gulp out on in a stuttery mess.
"Why aren't you getting ready for your match?" she asked, quite confused to why he was in his street clothes and was holding his bags in on hand.
His match was only a few hours away, and if she was in his position she'd been getting ready instead of . . . just what was he doing in his street clothes carrying around his wrestling bags? He smiled at her, but it was awkward and flustered. It was the kind of smile he used when he wanted to distract someone. Sometimes it even worked. But not usually with her. After a couple of years of friendship she could almost say that she was immune to it. Well . . . not quite immune, however as he smiled widely at her outside the locker room, now trying to hide the bags out of sight behind his back, she became fairly suspicious.
"I heard your in a tag team match tonight," Lita told him, her eyes narrowing as he flashed his dimples at her.
He only did that when he was really nervy.
"Yeah, I was . . . uhm, just going to check who my tag team partner is."
Taken aback, she looked at him stunned, "You don't know who your partner is? The match is in three hours Jeff!"
He was twitching now, unable to stand still. Nervous and smiling weakly, he shrugged innocently, as if that would charm her into forgetting what he said. She took a step closer to him, and he took a step back, biting his lip and giving her the old puppy dog eyes that still affected her far too much.
Instead of being angry, all she could do was sigh, "How are you going to win if you don't even know whose your partner tonight? You don't even have a plan for how you two will play the match out."
He shrugged feebly, "I thought we'd just wing it."
She scoffed at his logic, and then she straightened her shoulders preparing for the inevitable, "Go get me Christian. I know he's in the locker room boasting about something or another."
"But Lita, come on, it's no big deal, I've winged heaps of matches," he pleaded, his wide glistening eyes imploringly at her.
She took another step closer to him, and he pathetically lowered his head in defeat, "Go get Christian, and put your bags away. I know you got here late so don't even try to lie to me about that. I'll give you four minutes to get change and get Christian. If you're not out by then I'll come in and get you both."
"But Li," he pleaded, "Come on, lighten up."
Lowering her voice menacingly, she opened the locker room door for him, "Do I need to repeat myself?"
"No Lita," he replied reluctantly, grudgingly reentering the locker room.
Watching him until the door swung shut, she crossed her arms and glowered in his general direction. She couldn't believe he was just arriving now, only hours before he had his tag team match. How did he expect to win if he rushing to get ready? Wing it? What nonsense. Did any of the greats' 'wing' their matches? She highly doubted it. Crossing her arms, she tapped her foot as she waited.
What a first tactic.
When the thought crossed her mind, she was taken aback. She'd forgotten all about it. Or rather, it had slipped her mind. It was then, she realised quite strangely that she didn't feel the normal anxiousness that she expected to feel. It felt weirdly like a relief to order him around. She didn't even have to think twice about it like she thought she would.
In the past, she had never seen it as her place.
When he'd left the WWE, he'd made it quite clear that he was tired of being bossed around. He'd likened it to being a cadet in military school with no choice over how he acted, spoke, or lived. Yet she'd ordered him around without backlash. This confused her, and although Lita was certain that Stephanie would have quite pleased by the previous events, the redhead found herself slightly off balance. It was because of this, she didn't head the sound of the locker room opening, and the jeering exit of the 'biggest acquisition ever' leave said area.
"Hello Red, who let you in?" sneered Christian, making her jump.
He laughed, his mouth stretching into an ego filled smirk. He hadn't changed. Not in the least. If anything, she was certain the new environment only made him worse with so much extra attention focused on him. Dressed in bright fire engine red he cried out for attention, and he seemed to bask in it. With a couple of wins under his belt he himself had proclaimed that he was the brightest star in the heavens and took every opportunity to remind people of that fact.
Lita planned to take advantage of that.
She wasn't the only one who knew how to make use of people weaknesses.
"Hello Stranger, I've missed you," she replied without missing a beat, and he looked chuffed at that, "I see your doing quite well down here. It's been so quiet back at WWE without you."
He nodded, as if everything she had said was too tragically true, "Yeah, I'd expect so, after all, they no longer have Captain Charisma there to make the show the hit it once was."
"Our loss is TNA's gain," Lita told him with a pained look of regret placed haphazardly to her face.
"Certainly is," he said, and then he winked at her, "Jeff told me that you wanted to speak to me,"
Looking over at the closed locker room door she asked in a thin voice, "Where is Jeff?"
Christian shrugged uncaringly, "Probably trying to tie his shoe laces correctly. Who knows what they boy is doing? But anyway, what's up pussy cat?"
She really hated being called 'pussy cat'.
Coming from Christian it made her sound like she was one of those B grade James Bond girls.
But she managed to take the 'endearment' in her stride.
With a winning smile directed at full force at him, Lita beseeched, "Jeff's got a tag team match tonight, and he needs a person like you to be his tag team partner."
He held up his hands, "No way Doll, Captain Charisma is a one man act. No one else need apply because I own the show."
She didn't understand a thing he had said, but she pouted anyway pretending to be hurt, "But you and Jeff would be the perfect team. Think about it, 'Captain Charisma' and the 'Charismatic Enigma'."
He laughed loudly, bluntly leering at her while he did so, "Thought about it, don't need to think about it any longer. I don't need anyone hanging onto my coat tail. Besides, Jeff and I spent more time fighting each other than as tag team partners."
"But don't you see how perfect that is!"
Christian scratched his head confused, "No, not really,"
She placed her hand on his arm and smiled convincingly, "You and Jeff know each other like the back of your hands. Together you'll be unbeatable. Just imagine having Jeff in your corner, and not just for tag team matches. He'd be perfect back up for your single matches; no one could predict what he'd do to make sure you get the win you deserve."
He was interested, she could just tell.
His eyes lightened up a little at the promise of assured victories, but Christian was still cautious, "I'm still not convinced,"
Internally, she struggled to control her mounting irritation caused by the conceited Canadian. She almost lost the battle when he beckoned her closer with one finger, and then glanced suspiciously from side to side as if someone might be eavesdropping on them. She waited for him to continue, and she knew he would. She could almost guess exactly what she knew he'd say. He was just that predicable.
"I think I'm going to need a bit more convincing." He told her with a serious look that almost made her laugh at him. "And I think you know exactly how you convince me – or rather, who would be perfect for that job if you know what I mean."
As he finished speaking, Christian winked at her, as if for additional effect. No wonder even Torrie didn't find anything the least bit charming about him. It was just too bad he found Torrie the exact opposite. Lita wondered if he actually thought she bought all this. He was speaking so seriously, as if he was the one in control of the conversation. Biting her lip, Lita made herself nod and look compliant just like Torrie did whenever she agreed with someone.
Hmm, Lita paused as the thought crossed her mind.
It sure would make the conversation go a lot quicker, and it would totally cut out some of the leg work she would have otherwise had to do. But . . . to do that would be like kicking a kitten. A poor defenseless kitten. However as the egotistically bastard himself gifted the world with yet another one of his remarkably insightful comments, and of course, a matching hand gesture to go with it, Lita felt her normally watertight ethics weaken. Although she was sure her friend would kill her, Lita knew exactly how to get Christian to agree to team up with Jeff.
Smiling widely, she looked up at him, and meaningfully said, "Well, if you and Jeff win tonight we'll have to go out celebrating, and who knows what could happen."
He rolled his eyes at her, and made hand gesturers telling her to shut up, "Don't flatter yourself Doll, that's not what I'm talking about, listen to me for a sec."
Was he that stupid?
Looking at the irritated look on his face, Lita decided that yes, yes he was that stupid. But she shouldn't have really been so surprised, after all, she wasn't the only one that was aware that apart from knowing how to unclasp every sort of bra a woman could wear, Christian wasn't renowned for being quick on the uptake. She also decided to simple things down, and to use small words so he got the message.
"No, you listen Christian." She gave him a hard look when he opened his mouth to interrupt her, then she continued when she was satisfied he wouldn't speak, "When we go out tonight it's quite probable that I'll leave my purse unattended. It wouldn't be my fault at all if somehow my mobile, with the phone numbers of my friends on it just happened to be left laying out in the open for anyone to see it."
She just hoped that was simple enough for him to understand.
Silence.
You could have heard the sound of a pin dropping.
She tried once more, with a slightly pained saccharine smile, "Anyone could see my mobile, including you, Christian, and the list of my friends phone numbers includes all of my friends, every single one of them."
"All of your friends?" he questioned with crinkled eyes, "Including-"
She cut him off with a wave of her hand, "You'll just have to wait and see."
He furrowed his brow still looking for further clarification, "So I get Tor-"
"Shh!" Lita hissed, "Don't be stupid."
"I'm not stupid," he sulked unhappily.
Lita paused to take a deep breath. It was best not to insult him, especially with what she had to ask now. If she was to get him to make her a promise it had to be made with him not huffy and without any irritation on her part. If she wasn't careful then Christian would go gossiping and Jeff did not need that especially with all the trouble he'd been in lately.
"I know you're not stupid Christian. How could someone like you be stupid?" she stated softly, and he seemed to calm down, "I just need someone to help keep an eye on Jeff and who else can I count on but you? Torrie always said you were so insightful and that's why I need your help."
"Torrie said that?"
"Yeah. She did, and if you and Jeff win the match tonight-"
"You'll give me Torrie's phone number?" Christian asked, not completely clear on the deal that was being brokered.
Lita nodded, deciding to keep it dirt simple; Christian didn't seem to be able to read between the lines.
"So all I have to do is win tonight and then keep one eye on Skittles from now on?"
Lita nodded again; she wondered how much longer this would take, because it was taking a lot more out of her than she'd expected. No wonder Torrie was so exacerbated by the guy. Lita almost shuddered at what it must be like for the pretty blonde to be the focus of all his attention all the time he was around her. Poor thing.
Lita made herself smile brightly, "Exactly Christian."
He nodded. He understood. Stalking off with his head held high, Lita heard him yell out various greetings and taunts. Any day now she could just see him getting a right royal pounding for all of his imbecile like behavior. But hopefully that wouldn't happen until after he'd assisted with getting Jeff back onto a winning streak. She knew Christian would help add more wins than losses to Jeff's scorecard, because the blonde hated losing more than anything, and because he wasn't one to let an advantage like having Jeff on his side go to waste.
"What'd you do that for?"
Lita jumped at Jeff's voice.
She hadn't noticed him.
Her heart was pounding so loud she was almost certain Jeff could hear it. She had known her 'methods' she used to convince Christian would eventually get back to Jeff, but she hadn't planned on him finding out first hand, and she knew by the look on his face that he had overheard most of her conversation with the cocky blonde. Feigning confidence, she glanced at him with a look she copied from Stephanie on her face.
Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she archly stated, "Christian's a perfect tag team partner for you."
"In what universe?" he castigated sharply, "Cause I sure as hell don't see us as perfect tag team partners. But thanks to you, I'm stuck with that condescending bastard."
"I was doing you a favor." She sniffed reproachfully.
"I don't need anyone to do me any favors." He told her in a quiet voice.
Disdainfully, she looked at him, "I rather think you do."
He grimaced, and a disapproving look flashed across his face. She knew he hated people organizing his life for him. She'd seen how he reacted numerous times with WWE management telling him what to do, and she's also seen what had happened when people closed to him had done the same thing. Neither party was spared from Jeff's often unpredictable response.
Tensing a little, she waited for him to snap.
But he didn't, instead he shrugged apologetically, "I know you're doing what you think is best for me, and I appreciate that."
Blinking, she stared at him confused.
"Jeff?"
He patted her arm, "Just give me a bit of warning next time."
She blinked.
He grinned, and playfully punched her shoulder, "Come on, I'll shout you something to eat before I have my match."
She was confused.
Wasn't that meant to work?
I hope you enjoyed the thrid chapter and the first tactic unleashed by Lita on Jeff.
