Title: The highly educational demonstration of how to drive guys off
Written by Professional Scatterbrain.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Rating: Pg – 13 to R
Summary: See challenge set by Karen U
#3 – Karen U
-Lita/Edge, Lita/Jeff, Lita/Christian, or Lita/Jericho.
-A bet between Lita and the divas in which Lita says that she know sure fire ways to drive guys off (Lita is, of course, down about her love life).
-Instead of being driven off, the guy falls for her, and Lita, of course, falls for him as well.
-Happy endings.
-No roster split.
-Other divas should be chosen from the following (at least three other divas): Stacy, Stephanie, Lillian, Torrie, Dawn Marie, Victoria, Ivory, Trish: I chose Stephanie, Torrie, and Dawn Marie.
Chp 4: Drive off tactic two
The outing was meant to cheer Lita up.
Walking down another busy street she didn't know the name of, in a town that Torrie had also forgotten the name of, she glanced over at her best friend. Biting her lip, Lita was deep in thought. She'd been like this on and off for the last few weeks. Not even winter sales had cheered her up, and winter sales always cheered Lita up . . . actually, they mostly cheered Torrie up, because who could be sad when one could buy a sapphire blue coat that was exactly the right size, style, designer, and price tag? Well . . . it seemed like Lita could, because despite that very coat that was residing in her shopping bag, she was thoroughly miserable.
"I can return it," Torrie told her in a small voice, "I mean, I know we said that we won't wear it at the same time, but if you don't think that'll work I can take it back. After all, you found it first."
Breaking out of her thoughts, Lita looked confused, and then her eyes glanced down at the matching bags in her and Torrie's hands, which held two identical sapphire coats. It had been Torrie's idea to get one each. Lita hated lending her things, and Torrie always wanted a twin so it had seemed to make sense at the time. With a worried look, Torrie held the shopping bag closer to her. She didn't think that Lita had figured out her plan of 'accidental' coordination just yet – it was just she'd always wanted a twin, and Lita was the closest thing to one that Torrie had ever come across.
"No it's not that,"
Reassured, Torrie loosened her grip on the shopping bag. Satisfied that her pretty new coat was safe, she was content, but then the same pensive look returned to Lita's face. Her wide hazel eyes became cloudy, and her face paled. Patting Chloe, the tiny white dog in her custom made carry bag, Torrie tried to think of what to do.
"Are you alright Li?" Torrie finally asked in a delicate tone, not wanting to offend the other woman.
"I guess."
At Lita's half hearted response, Torrie frowned. She didn't like seeing Lita upset, but unfortunately, that's all Lita seemed to be; either that or so deep in thought that not even the purchase of a pretty new coat could break her out of it for very long. Glancing at the redhead, Torrie watched her nervously fiddle with her sunglasses as she walked.
"Is something wrong? Because you could tell me if you want . . ." Torrie trailed of awkwardly; blushing a little, "I mean, I'm not Dawn or anything, but I'm, like, here for you."
Lita's wide hazel eyes widened, and Torrie blushed a little more. She wasn't used to this part of the friendship. Dawn was the better person for this. She'd been comforting Lita for years and years, since the ECW days when they first meet. Dawn had also been getting Lita to articulate herself since ECW days, a feat that only one other person had achieved.
A light bulb in Torrie's mind lit up.
"Uhm, how's the bet thingy going?" she asked awkwardly.
Lita opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it.
Taking a breath, Lita tried again, "I'm not sure,"
"You're not sure?" Torrie repeated in the same hesitant tone. "I don't understand."
Lita smiled a little, "Nor do I."
Torrie didn't feel so awkward then. Lita could be so confusing at times, but she was always kind. She had never been anything but. Perhaps that was why Torrie felt so bad each time Lita got her heart broken. When they had first meet, Torrie hadn't understood the high flyer at her. To Torrie, all she saw in her future best friend was some aloof girl with a death wish. But it didn't take long to realise that underneath all of that was someone who was more loyal, and more intuitive than anyone Torrie has ever meet.
Yet despite that, Lita acted as though she expected each and every break up; and that they were her fault.
Torrie wished she knew how to help.
But she didn't.
Stephanie was right about that.
Lita spoke again, "I've been practically managing Jeff for weeks now, telling him what to do, and getting Christian to report back to me on Jeff's every move."
"Isn't that part of the bet?"
"Yes, but Jeff hasn't gotten irritated at all! He's been acting like I'm looking out for his best interests."
He'd been so cheerful and bright. He'd even asked for her opinion on different occasion. Jeff never asked for anyone else's opinion. Lita found herself to be clueless around him. Instead of blowing her off, he was calling her after each and every match to give her a play by play recount of the action. Instead of laughing at her suggestions he was actually taking them serious, even the ones she herself found totally bogus. Just the pervious week, on her two days off, the two of them had spent hours upon hours going over recordings of his opponent's history of matches writing detailed profiles on them.
Not even Matt put up with that, and he was always working to get to the top.
Torrie didn't know any of this, but with crinkled eyes as she tried to make sense of it anyway, "But isn't that what you've been doing? Looking out for his best interests? I though that was why you've been so concerned about him lately."
"Yeah, but he used to hate it when anyone kept tabs on him, especially when they told him what to do, and I've been doing nothing but that. I've even got Christian telling Jeff what to do, and still nothings happened at all." Lita explained wearily.
Torrie narrowed as she thought over the past few weeks, "I won't say nothing, come on, Jeff's been winning heaps and heaps of matches, and so has-" she wrinkled her nose, "Christian"
Not picking up on Lita's guilty and not to mention nervous smile, Torrie hailed a taxi – or tried to, most ignored her.
"Did you know Christian's been calling me? Every day! He leaves messages on my phone telling me to call him, and when I do answer my mobile he spends a quarter of an hour discussing his match results and then spends another quarter of an hour talking about the weather with the occasional mentioning of what he was wearing in his matches, and although he does look delicious in tangerine I don't really want to spend all that time discussing the subject with him."
Lita nodded in agreement, "I totally understand."
Once again, Torrie seemed to miss Lita's expression of guilt.
Perhaps it was because she was waving her arms about trying to catch a cab.
Yet again she failed.
"How are you and Shawn going?"
The two had begun dating about three weeks previously. Torrie had been blissfully happy since the moment he'd asked her out. Though with the many, many phone calls from Christian the amount of time she would have normally spent gushing over Shawn was replaced by a seemingly never ending stream of complaints about the blonde Canadian.
Torrie shrugged noncommittally, "Oh, didn't I tell you. Shawn and I decided to give the whole thing a rest."
She shrugged again, and ignoring the taxi she had finally managed to hail, she ducked into another up scale boutique. Pointing out the dress in the window she liked, Torrie browsed through the racks waiting for the over excited sales girl to return with the dress in her size. Inspiration filled her eyes suddenly, and without warning Lita found herself with a coat hanger around her neck attached to a purple chiffon dress that Torrie either thought would suit herself, or Lita. It was hard to tell when Torrie got into one of her moods.
Seemingly absent minded but with a touch of denial in her voice, Torrie spoke on, "It's not big deal, it wasn't even like I liked Shawn heaps. I mean, he didn't even speak French!"
"Why should he speak French?" Lita asked confused, and in pain as she tried to unshackle the knotted coat hanger from her thick red hair.
Oblivious to the battle her friend was having with the clothes hanger, Torrie seemed appalled by the comment, "Everyone should speak French. It's an international language Li."
"So Spanish." Lita claimed rightfully.
Torrie sniffed at the comparison, "Spanish? What good is Spanish? Come on, now a day you only need to know a couple of words to stop the Mexicool's from sniffing up your skirt. But French is the new language of democracy and unity. You know, Christian and I had a long talk about this, and he fully agrees with me."
"But he lives in Florida, what does he need French for?" Lita asked in an incredulous voice, then she frowned and took a step closer to Torrie so she could hear Lita's hushed whispers, "Did he give you that bullshit rant about Canada and Anglophone-Francophone relations too?"
"Don't swear Li!" Torrie ordered smartly as she turned on her heel to try on the clothes now piled over her arm, "Besides, I happen to believe in Christian's views on Canada and Anglophone-Francophone relations. He can be quite insightful if you take the time to listen to him."
Lita narrowed her eyes suspiciously as Torrie whipped shut the curtain to her change room, "I thought you two only spoke about weather and how good he looked in the colour tangerine."
Only the shuffle of fabric and zippers could be heard from outside the change room. Tapping her shoe, Lita waited for the pretty blonde to reappear. When she did, it was in a flamboyant coral dress that fanned out around her shoulders. Swatting her pale hair over her shoulder Torrie looked quite regal for a moment, especially when one of the little sales girls rushed up to her to ask if she needed anything. Torrie had always loved people scurrying around fawning over her, and Lita was quite sure the added attention only helped to make her day after buying the sapphire coat that the blonde claimed 'totally matched' her eyes.
"You know, about the next tactic, I think you need to be more . . . subtle."
Subtle . . .
Subtle?
To hear this from a woman that now was wearing what looked like a tiara in her hair astounded Lita.
Staring intently in the mirror, Torrie pursed her lips as she examined said tiara, "Do you think this suits me? Hey, maybe I could use it in the ring. Imagine me head butting Trish with this thing."
With the spiked peaks of rhinestones and pearls adorning the extravagant tiara Lita gulped at the thought of it impaling Trish. Actually, on second though Lita was rather glad Torrie hadn't suggested trying it out on her instead. Although Torrie was less than talented in the ring, she more than made up for it with her gift for 'using' what was laying around to her distinct advantage. Lita had more than enough experience with that side of the blonde. But luckily now they were firmly friends, in her come back match from her knee injury Lita was pretty sure she wouldn't have to worry about having a tiara piercing her aorta thanks to Torrie.
Throwing the tiara onto Lita's lap, Torrie prancing into the change room eyeing off another outfit as she spoke, "Anyway, as I was saying, you should be subtle around Jeff."
Crossing her legs Lita relaxed on the couch she was sitting on. That was the best thing about shopping with Torrie; all the shops she liked were fitted out with wicked seating areas for friends lacking the stamina to keep up with such a well seasoned shopper as her. Curiously, Lita waited for Torrie to reappear. Subtle? How could a woman who presented her last serious boyfriend a homemade seashell necklace on their six month anniversary know anything about being subtle? If the others were there Lita was sure Dawn (but more probably Stephanie) would say something quite rude about Torrie's suggestion.
Perhaps that was the reason Lita was the only one Torrie invited out.
With that thought on her mind, Lita waited patiently for Torrie.
Finally she reappeared, this time in bronze, "You know, I was thinking about you two last night. I think you're going about this in the wrong way. Like, how are you going to drive Jeff off when all you do is order him around?"
Lita shifted in her set, painfully awkward. She didn't like to think about driving Jeff off. The bet might be in full swing, but every now and then she was consumed with guilt. However . . . she couldn't help being intrigued by the blonde woman train of thought. Up to that point it had been Stephanie controlling the bet, suggesting the first tactic and generally driving the whole 'demonstration' along. But Torrie's suggestion peaked Lita's interest as her mind rapidly flashed back to her past relationships.
Little things eventually snowballed into huge things.
Concern spiraled into something unacceptable. If it wasn't that, then she was too distant, too private, too cold, or she could be volatile. And she always took it out on the current boyfriend. She'd forget that the small things. Like how Matt liked to have dinner ready when he got home. Or how Edge . . . how Edge . . . Lita bit her lip. His huge blue eyes haunted her. Still making her feel like a five year old who wanted to hide behind her mothers legs.
Twirling in front of the mirror, Torrie looked quite satisfied with her reflection when she spoke again, "I think you need to work on the small details. Because it's the small things that count."
Twisting her fingers together, Lita shrugged awkwardly, her large eyes lowering in regret. The blonde was right. The small things were the ones that counted, and Lita winced as she recalled how quickly they had stockpiled in each and every relationship she'd had with the different men that had been in her life. Each single time she just kept repeating the same mistakes, stepping on the same toes, and forgetting the same details that all lead her to the same conclusion in every relationship; her dumped and him moving on to another woman who didn't perpetually live with her foot crammed down her throat.
Torrie twirled again, the dress flaring up around her legs in a blur of glittery bronze.
She stopped suddenly, and twisted her hands nervously, "It's the small details we lose sight of, but they're the ones that matter the most you know?"
Lita bit her lip, nodding a little.
She suddenly understood Torrie with excruciating clarity.
In a flash, the atmosphere had changed, and Torrie was brighter than ever when she spoke again, "So, like, call him up heaps, tell him everything that happened during your day in length, bring him stuff to wear, and like totally take up all of his time. Just do everything you ranted about that night when you got drunk. That's the best tactic I think."
"I guess I can do that." Lita admitted, "After all, it's not like it'll hurt him or anything."
"It'll just annoy him to bits," Torrie confirmed, "And that's how you really drive guys away, because how long could they stand being totally irritated by someone they're dating?"
"We're not dating!"
Surprise flashed through Torrie's eyes, but she had the grace to cover it just as quickly as the redhead had rushed her response. Lita crossed her arms defensively, and refused to meet Torrie's suspicious stare. The two didn't speak for a minute, but eventually, as always, Torrie grew tired of putting up with the silent treatment.
"It wouldn't hurt to try and charm him a little. After all, it wouldn't be the first time you two-"
"Torrie! Shush!" Lita cried her voice strangled and nervy. "You promised never to speak of 'that' again!"
The blonde rolled her eyes, "Calm down Li, there's no one else here to eavesdrop."
"That's not the point." Lita hissed, her eyes darting around the boutique as if someone was hiding amidst the sea of clothes just waiting to pounce. "Besides, 'that' was a long time ago, before Jeff and I became friends, and you promised not to tell anyone ever."
"And I haven't." Torrie condoled in a gentle voice, "I wasn't even suggesting that you two were dating, I was just saying that the small annoying things are what break couples up. Look at me; Jericho said I gossiped too much, John said I was shallow for watching Bold and the Beautiful everyday, Billy said I was vain because I made him dress in colour coordinated outfits whenever we when out, and Rob said I shopped too much and that I cared more about the annual Collette Dinnigan sale than I did about him,"
"None of that's true."
Torrie wrinkled her nose, "How can you say that Lita! Don't you remember that glorious beaded tulle halter dress you bought? It was simply stunning. Not to mention the shoestring rose top I bought. I'd much rather have that than Mr. Monday night."
She spun once more in the bronze dress. Her previous angst forgotten as the layers of metallic fabric floated up around her knees. Lita could tell the blonde liked it. Torrie always like things that made her stand out in a crowd, and with her pale blonde tresses, wide cornflower blue coloured eyes she looked more the 'simply stunning' in the pretty bronze dress. Lita could tell that Torrie felt the same way. After all the blonde wasn't known for being modest about matters like that.
"I think you should try being subtle. Not so blunt. Build up it slowly." Torrie told Lita finally, this time without any hints of pervious feelings of awkwardness.
Without waiting for an answer she pranced back into the change room.
She only paused to ask one of the sales girls if the dress came in gold.
Because, everyone knows the saying; beautiful gold, sociable silver and shameful bronze.
And, Torrie never accepted third place willingly . . . or subtly.
After a short consultation with Stephanie, being subtle became tactic number two.
Of course, Stephanie was slightly less convinced this would work any better than the first tactic that she had chosen, but that was to be expected. She'd never been subtle in her life. The only time her behavior came close to subtle was when she was planning something. Even then, her actions could be described more aptly as 'cunning' or 'sly'. Yet, she was willing to watch and learn.
Anything for entertainments sake; the show would defiantly go on.
Once Lita had figured the tactic out.
Subtle?
It would have been a whole lot easier to be subtle if it wasn't Jeff that Lita had to be 'subtle' around. She just didn't quite know how to approach Jeff in that manner. So instead of thinking up anything original, she followed Torrie's lead, and consciously started to make the same mistake that she always ended up berating herself over once the relationship when belly up. Because the blonde did have a point, the small things did add up. It was the small things that were the deciding factors really.
As Torrie told Lita on the taxi ride back to the hotel, 'People always focus on the big picture, forgetting the fact that it's always made up of millions of little ones.'
Lita couldn't help but agree with the blonde.
So she started by calling him at least fifteen times a day.
She wasted his time with anything from asking him for help with the morning crossword to make him listen to her whining about how one of the new guys was always laughing at her. But she didn't stop herself there. On the contrary, she instigated long heated political and ethical debates, pointedly questioning and rudely challenging his believe systems and morals.
She was rude.
Pointedly so.
She questioned everything. All his beliefs, all his automatic ways of life, everything she could. Question after question; a never ending cycle of queries. Her father had hated her questions. He'd seen it at best and annoyance, at worst, an attempt to subvert his authority. Although the only quality Jeff shared with her father was his fondness for post offices, Lita figured it was a good tactic.
After all, no one liked being questioned all the time.
And she thought it would work. Because, just how many guys could stand to deal with her crap fifteen phone calls a day? She really did think it would work. She really, really did. High hopes had filled in the first few days after employing the tactic, and even Stephanie had been convinced that it might work. Even Stephanie! The woman who'd never even tried to be subtle, not even when she was five years old and she caught her father screwing the au pair on the dinning table while Linda was away on business. Back then, she merely looked at her father and told him Cindy the au pair's yelping was stopping Shane and herself from getting any sleep. Then, of course, she asked for a pony (which she of course, had to look surprised in receiving on her sixth birthday).
But then Jeff started calling Lita up at least twenty times a day to speak to her.
So instead of annoying him, all she heard about was how he ripped his favorite pair of wrestling tights, and how he didn't trust GPS systems or the senators of California. He even started calling her first thing in the morning so they could do the morning crossword together over the phone. Then when she started to tell him every detail that had occurred during her day, he decided to do the same. Each night she was given an hour in depth report of his daily occurrences, from his matches (which she'd already watched), to the mundane happening like when he broke his last set of curly shoe laces and what he had for lunch.
"I was thinking we should wear green today, and maybe some blue."
That was the start of her first phone call of the day.
It had gotten to the point where he no longer greeted her. After all, who else but him would call her at seven in the morning to have a discussion about clothing? Over the phone line she could hear the squeaking of bed springs, and instinctually she could tell that although she was awake and getting ready for work, he was still in bed relaxing.
She voiced this to him, whining.
He didn't seem to notice the tone.
He only invited her over, and told her to ring up the Ice Bitch and tell her that she was sick.
Lita told him not to call Stephanie names.
He started to chortle in amusement.
So she hung up on him.
Within half an hour he had called her back, this time only to gain conformation that they were dressing in green. He didn't believe her when she said they were, so he made her hand him off to Torrie so he could get a second unbiased conformation. He then spent twenty minutes talking to Torrie, inviting her down to TNA, and generally relaying conversations between her and Christian. When that got tiring, he handed his phone to Christian, and the two blondes chatted importantly for an hour. Torrie of course, was still denying any appreciation of anything other than Christian's views of Canadian and Anglophone-Francophone relations.
'Liar,' Lita grumbled internally as she heard Torrie giggle flirtatiously at something Christian said.
Torrie was visibly enamored with more than just the Canadian's tangerine wrestling tights. It was causing some concern within the ranks, particularly for Dawn how didn't like the idea of the blind being lead by the blind. It was just Torrie was always talking too him, and about him. Not one conversation passed without some reference to Christian, and of course, his many social and political views concerning his homeland. Torrie had even started learning French. Apparently Christian was a wonderful teacher. Very patient indeed. Lita rolled her eye as Torrie started to recite verbs in that happy voice of hers.
The French lesson continued for another quarter of an hour.
Many giggles and 'serious' questions followed.
"Anyway Christian, tell Jeff that Li isn't wearing green, she's wearing pink." Torrie brightly reported at the conclusion of the tutorial session, "With skull and crossbones hair clips."
Lita scowled. In an utterly clever move on her part, she had decided to make him dress in coordinating outfits every time they when out together. It was meant to be her brilliant move of insight into the male mind. In her experience all guys hated being told how to dress, especially when she implied that the reason she was dressing them was because they couldn't dress themselves.
For double effect, she did both.
Telling him what to wear, and why exactly she had to tell him to wear a certain outfit of her choice instead of the one he chose himself.
Yet he only seemed to get excited. Like a child playing dress ups, and after the first time she dressed him, he'd started calling her up each morning so they could coordinate every single day, even though they weren't going to see each other face to face most of the time. It became like a game to him, and soon the tables turned, and he was freely telling her what to wear instead of vice versa.
Torrie seemed to smile widely at whatever Christian was saying, before she turned to her friend with a pleasant look on her face, "Jeff said he'll wear that top you gave him with the skulls and crossbones on it, but if you two are dressing up as pirates today you'll need to those pink fishnet stockings to make it work."
Grrrr.
It had been over three weeks since either of them had worn anything that wasn't colour, or theme coordinated. Lita couldn't even remember the last time she had looked into her wardrobe without Jeff's highly animated suggestions behind each clothing choice for the day.
"Oh, and Jeff said to remind you that real pirates didn't wear sneakers, so you should swap them for some toe crunching boots like the ones he found when he helped you unpack." Torrie added helpfully, with a bright happy smile on her face.
That 'he found' being the key words in that sentence.
She had invited him over to her new house to make him help unpack everything. Everything. Every box, every bag, everything. But he hadn't even seemed the slightest affronted by it. Even after she'd forced him into being her pack pony, lugging boxes into and around her house without a single word of thanks. Through it all he didn't seem to mind a thing. Blissfully content the whole time.
In fact, he took it as an open invitation to take charge.
Any given day of the week, he'd turn up unannounced and spend all day arranging her very limited amount of furniture and belongings in the strangest ways possible. Although she was certain that to Jeff, it was perfectly logical to place everything in the eccentric manner that he did. It was just, in result of his unique organization system; she was forever calling him over to her house, needing him to find things for her. When he did come over however, he instantly found what she had spent al morning searching for and did so with a look on his face that said she ought to have thought of this and where everything else was kept.
Grabbing her mobile out of Torrie's peach painted nails, Lita wrinkled her nose, "I don't know where they are."
Christian let out a very girlish squawk at the redheads voice, "Lita! Give the mobile back to Torrie! Now!"
"No. I want to speak to Jeff."
"But I wanta speak to Torrie, come on, please Doll-"
Whatever Christian had attempted to whine, was cut off, as Jeff rescued his mobile from Christian's Canadian clutches. But over the phone line, Lita could clearly hear the two men scuffling over the mobile. The sounds of Christian yelping and Jeff whimpering were clear as day, and so were their rather pitiful insults.
"Don't bit me man, I might get rabies!" Jeff yapped in a strangled voice.
"I won't if you give me my mobile back! - You, you dork face, if you broke my toe I'll, I'll -"
"What? Sue me? You don't have the mango's Blondie! Besides it's my mobile, not your-" Whatever Jeff was going to say was cut off, as his voice rose in panic.
"I told you not to push me." Christian shrieked.
"Don't push me, push a push pop!" Jeff exclaim in a slightly higher than normal voice.
More scuffled, and then quiet.
"Sorry about that Bella Lita," Jeff told her, "Someone was being unreasonable."
Pausing, Lita bit her lip before replying, "Don't worry about it,"
In the background, the voice of Christian threatening filled the air, "I'll get you back someday, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow–" until, "Hey, is that Jackie Gayda? Shit, that girl's filled out since I last saw her!"
Lita cringed, and Jeff snickered but he didn't waste any time at all with explanations, "Doll, I put your boots in your room, on the bottom shelf of your bookcase."
Just for reference sake, ever since he and Christian had started hanging out again, Jeff had started to call her 'Doll' too.
However, luckily he hadn't started calling her 'Pussy Cat' so she put up with it.
Lita knew it was stupid, but she had to ask, "Why did you put them there?"
She could see Jeff rolling his eyes at her right at that very moment.
But he responded patiently like she knew he would, "I thought I told you. Last time I was at your house I organized it all alphabetically."
Lita blinked.
"Uhm, thanks . . . I think . . ." she managed to respond.
"That's okay. Now you'll never be able to loss anything. You'll always know where to find everything . . . except your jewelry."
Lita narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.
Jeff didn't seem to notice the slightly chilly air that had filled the silence.
Responding joyously, as though it was the most obvious thing in the would, he told her, "I put your pearls and gem stones in the freezer behind the peas, and I put your mothers ugly stuff you never wear in zip lock bags in the toilet. Isn't it brilliant? I read about it in O magazine. Oprah said that burglars never look there. That way no one can steal you stuff. "
She reminded herself to breath.
Merrily, he started humming another song he had just finished writing. Lita blinked. Continuing, Jeff started humming the chorus to another one of his songs. Just slightly, she could over heard Christian 'complimenting' Jackie on her halter top. Meanwhile behind Lita, Torrie was blissfully filing her nails while she practiced her French verbs. All was normal . . . she just needed to get used to finding her jewelry in the freezer behind the frozen peas.
"Oprah said that?" Lita questioned slowly.
"Oprah is a fine role model for women, and you should look up to her, Lita." Jeff told her in a slightly patronized voice, as if he could tell she was just about to rib him about it.
To be told that she should be idolizing Oprah by a guy wearing a gold caps on his teeth didn't please Lita too greatly as one could imagine.
Lita really didn't know what to say in response.
"Oh . . ."
She had to remind herself then, that it was her idea to make him watch crappy TV show every day.
Which he had to do while talking to her over the phone since they were in different states.
He'd always hated that . . . or so she had previously though.
Suddenly it seemed he'd developed a love for all things soap opera like overnight. He knew as many plot lines and back stories as Torrie did, and more than once, knew more than the blonde. Truly. That, along with many other randomly lost belongs had been intended to increase 'time wasting' with him. But somehow, in the course of their joint phone call over 'Lost', he mirrored her behavior and instead of her asking the questions, it was him. Everything and anything was covered as they watched TV each night, and after a while Lita began to switch the TV off, and focus completely on him. Nothing was left uncovered, and Lita couldn't remember the last time she had told him so much . . . well, so much about her life.
Nothing seemed to drive him off.
Not tales of palm readings with Torrie, or blank Christmas cards sent in July from Lita's mother.
"Anyway, just to confirm; we're dressing as pirates today, right?"
"I don't know . . ."
He then snorted loudly, and in an utterly endearing voice he stated, "Come on Li, you'll look stunning as my first mate."
That was the thing about Jeff. Ever since they had started coordinating he had, unlike his brother Matt, thought she looked absolutely gorgeous in everything she wore, especially in the clothes she felt awkward wearing in front of Trish and all her pink ribbon laced corsets. Somehow, just somehow, Lita always ended up believing him. He was just so earnest and charming and when it came down to it, Lita knew without a single doubt that she was firmly wrapped around his little finger.
How else would she end up leaving the house looking like his matching pair if she didn't?
Giving up, she let a smile break out across her face. Running a hand through her long hair, she couldn't help giving in to him. Besides, yesterday when he persuaded her in a mod themed day, he'd been so delightfully happy. In fact, he'd been so happy that when she agreed to go to work dressed as Twiggy, she couldn't help not feeling quite so horrid as usual when Edge stopped to speak to her in the afternoon; and despite all the fuss, Lita knew she really didn't mind at all that Jeff had her dancing to his tune, and she knew he knew that too.
"Who said you get to be the captain? I want to be the captain, you can be my first mate," she teased him in a small pouting voice.
He just laughed rebelliously at her (not with her).
This made her sulk, and so she did something which would make Stephanie proud.
In a bright voice, she told him, "Jeffy, can you come by my house this week?"
"Yeah . . ." he answered, but not without a health dose of suspicion.
"Well, I've decided that I want to face the window when I wake up, so I need you to come and move my bed for me."
She could hear him sigh.
This made Lita smile.
It also would have made Stephanie smile but for a different reason.
The brunette was in fine spirits lately. With Jeff getting order around like a puppy getting toilet trained, Torrie getting harassed by Christian, and her ex husband still getting over the humiliation of losing to Ric Flair; all was good in her world. It was slightly scary to see the youngest McMahon so pleased. Torrie was defiantly not used to it, and therefore, most of her time was spent avoiding the other woman, so much so that it was becoming like finding Wally when it came to spotting Torrie during a WWE Raw event.
Jeff's mopping voice however once again filled Lita's attention as he spoke again.
"But Li, I helped you move it three days ago when you said the morning light woke you up too early."
Lita knitted her brow; he was right but he couldn't know that
Scrambling for an answer, she told him, "Well, I'm allowed to be a perfectionist, I've changed my mind."
"Like you changed your mind about what colour you wanted to paint your house?"
Lita wrinkled her nose; she was confused, "I wasn't going to paint it . . ."
Over the line, she could hear Jeff laugh nervously.
This in turn made her suspicious.
"Jeff, what's going on?"
He tittered uneasily again, "Oh, look at the time, I have to go! Here Christian, you can have the phone!"
"Wait-" Lita cried, but Jeff had already made his slightly not so grand escape, leaving the one and only Captain Charisma on the line.
"Lita I want to speak to Torrie." He ostentatiously told her, "I said I'd keep help her learn French."
"Where's Jeff?"
"I don't know and I don't care. I want to speak to Torrie now!" Christian whined arrogantly, "Don't be so selfish."
"I'm not being selfish Christian-"
But the moment Lita said his name, her mobile was once again snatched out of her hands.
With one quick motion that Lita didn't even see coming, Torrie spirited the mobile away. Pompously she then looked at Lita without words, telling her friend that it was time for her private French lesson. Lita's jaw dropped open. Apologetically, Torrie relented a little, but any forgiveness Lita might have felt was cancelled out as the pretty blonde held out her car keys.
"Just a second Christian," she paused, staring meaningfully at the redhead, "Don't you have to go and change your shoes Lita?"
Crossing her arms over her chest, Lita spun on her heel and stomped away.
Behind her, Torrie called out, "Christian said to tell you, that Jeff can't be the captain, because there's only one captain, and it's him, Captain Charisma."
Lita ignored her.
That had not gone like she had planned it to.
Damn Jeff for skipping off on her.
She'd show him; there was no way she was going to go swap her sneakers for boots of his choosing.
Nope, no way.
The righteous feeling lasted the whole of the day. It was only when she got home in the late hours of the night it failed her. It seemed that while she'd been away over the past few days, Jeff have dropped by without her knowledge.
Walking into her new house she didn't know what to say.
The walls were covered by his paintings. Large abstract works of art were filled with something that reminded her so sharply of his smile and the spark in his eyes that Lita couldn't find words to describe what she felt. Surrounded by his pieces of art, Lita all of a sudden didn't as feel so cold or so alone as she normally did when she came back to the house she was forced to buy after being kicked out of the home she had shared with Matt.
Only Jeff could do something like this.
Lita was beginning to think being subtle didn't quite work with Jeff.
Somehow the tactic had failed, and Lita was left totally confused. None of the guys she knew allowed themselves to be treated like this and then in response give her something so beautiful and so precious. They needed 'space' and 'time' and all those other lines. Lines that Lita had heard many, many times before. Lines that she hadn't heard once from Jeff, not even when she called him stranded at four in the morning and asked him to come pick her up. Not even a five hour drive to come and get her had pissed him off.
All in all, Lita was at a loss.
This wasn't meant to be happening.
What was wrong with Jeff?
R&R
