Title: The highly educational demonstration of how to drive guys off

Written by Professional Scatterbrain.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Rating: Pg – 13 to R

Summary: See challenge set by Karen U

#3 – Karen U

-Lita/Edge, Lita/Jeff, Lita/Christian, or Lita/Jericho.

-A bet between Lita and the divas in which Lita says that she know sure fire ways to drive guys off (Lita is, of course, down about her love life).

-Instead of being driven off, the guy falls for her, and Lita, of course, falls for him as well.

-Happy endings.

-No roster split.

-Other divas should be chosen from the following (at least three other divas): Stacy, Stephanie, Lillian, Torrie, Dawn Marie, Victoria, Ivory, Trish: I chose Stephanie, Torrie, and Dawn Marie.


Chp5: Drive off tactic three.


The rather prominent sound of 'Diamonds are forever' her mobile phone emitted made Lita jump.

Sitting in another café, her two friends and the waiter finished taking their orders looked at the redhead as she tapped her nails nervously on the oak table. Stephanie raised a brow at her, and gestured to the now multi colour mobile, that was blinking its lights increasingly brighter each moment it was left unanswered. Meanwhile, Torrie was pulling at her now pin straight hair and smiling anxiously as she pretended nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

"Aren't you going to answer that?"

Copying Torrie's smile, Lita rapidly shook her head at the brunette, "Uh, no, not really."

"Why may I ask is that?" Stephanie coolly questioned as the mobile began to vibrate in rainbow colored circles.

"Well . . ." Lita paused, then glanced over at the waiter, "I wanted to order dessert."

"We already have." Stephanie informed her friend, narrowing her eyes as she tried to catch the number flashing on the mobile screen. "You should get that, it could be someone important."

"No, it's nothing."

"If it's nothing-"

But before Stephanie could finish her sentence with one of her oh so darling insults, Torrie had interrupted her, "Look, they're bringing over our dessert. Don't they look pretty?"

Torrie laughed nervously at that. It was a bad move. A very bad move. Swinging her eyes sharply over to focus on Torrie, Stephanie critically examined the nervy blonde. This made Torrie even more nervous, but before anything 'unpleasant' could occur, the waiter reappeared with their dessert. Snarling at the approaching waiter, the youngest McMahan seemed to find some sort of thrill in fulfilled every requirement that having old money privileged her with.

Ohhh, wasn't she a poor little rich girl?

Wasn't she?

For some reason, France in particular brought the worst out of her. Ever since leaving her early twenties, every time she visited France, Stephanie was left feeling as though she was being cheated out of something. Not know exactly what it was, she mostly reacted in ways that only her father and perhaps her brother would find acceptable. And as they were served, Stephanie's jaw dropped at the sigh of the blonde's meal. A bouquet of orange sugar flowers wrapped in orange sherbet. A dish too utterly beautiful, and too utterly Parisian for Stephanie's less than delicate tastes.

"How did you get that?"

"She's been learning French," Lita informed her, smirking ever so slightly.

Sitting up very straight, Torrie nodded proudly at the redhead's statement, and smartly added, "I have a very patient teacher."

All of this displeased Stephanie, but she couldn't really find anything to say in response. A few seconds passed, and Torrie bit into her gorgeous orange sherbet dish while both Stephanie and Lita enviously looked on. Primly, the pretty blonde speared a delicate flower and offered it over to the redhead. The offer was not repeated to the brunette. Stephanie's mouth opened and closed, like a fish out of water, and glumly she stared down at her plain vanilla ice cream.

Tapping her silver spoon on the fine china, Stephanie finally managed to snip, "I guess we should all strive to improve ourselves, even if in some cases it may appear to be in vain,"

It was then, Lita's phone started to ring again.

Already annoyed, Stephanie was easily riled by the sound of Shirley Basset singing. A nerve in her jaw twitched, and despite the fact that this was more of a holiday than a working holiday for her, Stephanie was quickly tiring of the now incessant interruptions by not only Shirley Basset singing 'Diamonds are forever,' but the various other James Bond themes that were constantly being played on Lita's mobile.

"For god's sake Li, just answer you darn mobile."

The tone of the billion dollar princess's voice was suddenly quite forbearing.

It didn't warn Lita, but it did give Torrie the head start she usually didn't have.

"No, we're having lunch. It'd be rude."

Grabbing her mobile, Lita contained its motions, switching it on mute and slipping it into her bag by her feet. However, as she lent down Stephanie took the opportunistic chance to take advantage of the situation. If Lita had been sitting up she would have seen the sly smile on her friends face, or the look of distress on Torrie. Unfortunately, she only heard Torrie's 'eep' and as the redhead lifted her head in response to the blonde, she found herself faced with just Stephanie.

Lita looked around.

Torrie had deserted her, leaving her to fend for herself.

She had also taken the sherbet sweets with her.

Bitch.

Well, not really. When Stephanie was in one of her moods she could almost channel her father into every single word, and when this happened it was every person for themselves. So, if Torrie could get away and, if she could take her dessert with her, she might as well do that too. After all, they all knew who wore the pants in Stephanie's failed marriage and, sadly enough for Hunter, it's wasn't the same person who wore the boxers.

"So anyway, as I was saying," Stephanie stated with authority, "The demonstration is going so well,"

Actually, Lita was still unsure about that. She's been clingy, possessive, bossy and very demanding yet Jeff had almost seemed to get hot under the collar each and every time another 'tactic' was unleashed on him. He wasn't responding as he should've been. Now he was clingy, possessive, bossy, and increasingly demanding. In result of that, she hadn't spent so much time with him since they had traveled together back in the Team Xtreme days.

It was off balancing and deeply distressing because she was totally clueless around him.

At the present moment he was house sitting her house, and minding her pet dogs. All of which he was doing without being asked. Along with that, he'd programmed her mobile so whenever he called, all she heard was various James Bond themes, that he somehow managed to change daily even though they presently weren't in the same country.

He wasn't meant to be acting like he was.

What was wrong with him?

What didn't he understand about what she was doing?

Guy just didn't act like this!

Lita had done everything she could think of to annoy him, but she was coming up short, and worst yet, her friendship with him was increasingly changing into something she didn't in the least recognize. It was just he was so happy to be around her, yet each time she was around him she was twitchy, unable to stay still, unable to think clearly or act the way she should. There was something wrong with her. There had to be something wrong with her. She didn't act like this around him. It was Jeff, for god sake, and she was stumbling over words, agreeing to his every whim, and getting a stupid flutter inside herself whenever he did something as stupid as smile a stupid smile at her.

She voiced this hesitantly to Stephanie.

Being the caring friend she was, Stephanie immediately suggested a course of action.

"I think you should flirt with him. You know, just so he becomes confused too. Then you'll both be in the same boat and no one will have the advantage."

All Lita could do was blink.

"Advantage?" she finally stuttered in disbelief.

Stephanie rolled her eyes as if the redhead was being so tiresome, "You obviously don't have it at the moment. Look at you, you're a mess!"

"Am not."

"Are too. All you do is over analysis and feel guilty. It's weakening your game."

"My game?" Lita asked incredulously, "Only Hunter has a game! How can I have a game?"

Stephanie rolled her eyes again.

"It's a figure of speech. Keep up to speed. So, you need to flirt with Jeff, seduce him into a blubbery mess of hair dye, body paint, and big boy pants that he insists on wearing due to the misguided belief that they magically make him into a real man with real man super powers." She illustrated sarcastically, clicking her fingers in front of Lita's face to make sure the other woman was listening. "Don't worry, this plan is fool proof."

"No it's not!" Lita cried, saying among all things, "Jeff's seen all my seducing stuff before. It won't work on him like it did on Matt and Edge. Plus I threw up on him last year; how can he find a person that blew chunks on his shoes desirable?"

Stephanie looked deeply pained, "God, Li, is there anything you didn't let that boy see? You really don't hold up the feminine mystic too well do you?"

Lita blushed, "It wasn't like I planned for it to happen."

Stephanie laughed sarcastically, "That's the same thing Hunter said when I walked in on him getting blown by Trish."

Lita gulped.

Stephanie wrinkled her nose at the unwanted flashbacks.

But she didn't allow herself to reminisce for too long, and after a distressing moment it was back to business as usual. Lita had to admire her friend's skill at compartmentalizing. It was a talent that had served her quite well over the years. Seeing her now, perfectly present, like a picture of power, Lita found it hard to remember seeing Stephanie's tear stained face the night her divorce had been finalized. It seemed as though that night had been filed away; placed out of public sight along with all the other unpleasant events that coloured the brunettes history.

One always had to admire her though; she always bounced back with vengeance.

Like now.

"Come on Li, this is the best tactic of them all. I use it all the time. Men can't handle it. Any power they had is immediately compromised the moment they become even the slightest bit effected by a little flirtation. Don't forget, this was one of the surefire ways you told us back at the bar when you got drunk and Jeff played out his white knight fantasy. You told us all how you always drive guys away the moment they realize you like them."

"I can't remember saying that . . ."

"You did." Stephanie quipped decidedly.

Lita's memories of that night were hazy at best, and excruciating painful at worst, but she couldn't remember saying anything along those lines to her friends. However . . . it did make sense. She was hopeless at charming men. Matt had laughed at her whenever she tried, and Edge didn't even seem to notice. With that now in mind Lita found it doubtful that any use of that tactic would provide the result that Stephanie was obviously used to receiving herself.

Unfortunately while Lita was pondering this, Stephanie took the silence for consent.

"So, we agree; you start seducing boy wonderless. With Jeff's history of strikes and misses it won't been too hard to get him panting at your feet, even if you've 'thrown up' on his."

Lita gaped at the sudden and obviously practiced end to the conversation.

Stephanie smiled, and waved calling out, "Don't worry, it won't be hard. But if you are a tad nervous, just go ask for some help from Torrie and Dawn. Between those two they have more than enough experience with these matters."

"Hey! Don't say that!" Lita reprimanded.

But Stephanie ignored her, waving again when she got into her chauffer driven town car and drove off. Lita frowned childishly. The brunette didn't even ask if her friend, her very best friend in the world, if she needed a lift. Damn her and her chauffer driven town car. Who needed her? Lita looked at the receding image of the shinny car . . . actually, if she was to tell the truth, Lita might need Stephanie. But only a little bit. Thanks to Torrie's great escape and Stephanie's blow off, Lita was stuck without a lift back to the hotel.

She felt like stamping her feet.

So she did.

Then, after a period of acute embarrassment she called herself a taxi.

She'd show Stephanie one way or another.

As if Jeff would allow himself to be seduce! Ha!

She was confident that he'd laugh in her face before he'd fall under her less than stellar seducing spell.

After all, she had a long history to back her up.


When she returned to America the first thing she did was visit Jeff.

Torrie accompanied Lita to TNA.

Not that her presence was due to Stephanie's 'kindly' advice.

No . . . Lita just needed some back up, and Stephanie had never fit that bill in situations like this. Torrie however, was perfect, or she should have been. But at that very minute she was fending off Christian, whose personal ideas of how to seduce someone fell squarely in the grope and perv area. He also had a talent for innuendo filled flirting. What a gifted young gentleman he was! And all the pretty blonde had wanted to do was thank him for his French lessons, and gloat about one upping Stephanie.

But none of this was on his agenda.

It appeared that separation indeed made his heart grow fonder. Very much fonder. Painfully so. In order to remedy this ache, the blonde Canadian saw only one course of action, and attacked it with vigor that Lita had never seen in him. It was also vigor that Torrie hadn't seen from him either . . . well, not for a couple of years at least.

"I think we should go out." He told Torrie, his eyes defiantly not meeting hers.

He didn't waste any time with greetings.

Nor did he waste time with meeting her eyes when there were other 'things' to look at.

Torrie looked at him tediously, "Why do you want to go out with me?"

He paused, probably not used to having to explain himself, especially not in this field of interest.

"Well . . . you're hot." He told her, as if that was the answer to the meaning of life.

She blinked, quite uninterested by his inane reason.

Then, after a beat her boredom faded, and she queried with a look of strange interest on her pretty face, "Why do you think I'm 'hot'?"

Lita could tell Christian was confused.

Strangely, so could Torrie, so she tried again, "You know a lot of 'hot' women; you're surrounded by them aren't you?"

A self satisfied smirk spread across his face, and he buffed his nails on his shirt, chuffing a little, "I don't like to brag but-"

She cut him off, "What I want to know is why then, if there are so many 'hot' women around you, do you want me above everyone else?"

He gapped, mouth open, but then in true fashion he recovered telling her, "Because you're hotter than all of them?"

She stepped closer to him, looking as him as if she was a scientist examining a new species, "Why do you think I'm 'hotter' than the other women that are in your life."

He looked at her blankly, "Well, firstly you've got a killer rack."

Both Lita and Torrie were stunned by that brilliant and respectfully conveyed piece of information.

Noticing the silence of the two women, Christian finally looked up Torrie's face, "You've also just broken up with that fuckwit so there's an opening I'm more than willing to fill."

"As a fuckwit?" Lita suggested, trying to hold back the grin that was threatening to show.

He rolled his eyes at her, before winking pretentiously at the blonde, "I was thinking more along the lines for something more . . ."

"More what?" Torrie prompted with a half oblivious, half curious look in her wide sky blue eyes.

With a superior look in Lita's direction, he moved close to Torrie and whispered something French in her ear. Lita could barely hear what he was saying, and couldn't understand a word of it. She doubted the Torrie understood either. For all they knew he could be serenading Torrie with the lunch menu of the day. But that didn't seem to matter, because a blissful, awe filled look spread over Torrie's pretty face. With a sinking feeling in her stomach Lita glared at Christian, but Torrie just looked up at him like a day old kitten, as if he had hung the moon.

He then chose to smirk at Torrie, under the assumption that that would endure himself to her.

Lita felt like she was about to be sick.

Wrinkling her nose, she left the pair to their blatantly insensible devices in search of Jeff. She'd rather see him than witness anymore of Christian's charms in 'action,' although Lita was betting that Torrie wouldn't say the say thing at that present moment in time. Damn Torrie and her weakness for French speaking guys. The pretty blonde had managed to be immune to Renée Dupree's charms. How Christian, the smarmier of the two gotten past the radar Lita wanted to know. Or not know, Lita realized with a wrinkled nose. She'd greatly prefer to stay ignorant of whatever whiles Christian had to offer.

Some things were best left unknown.

She found Jeff sitting in the very middle of a corridor leading to the ring. It was busy, and people were hurriedly waling around him. However with a large dog eared book in hand he looked like he didn't even notice the wrestlers and backstage staff tripping over his long spindly legs. She could vaguely hear the sounds of music from the headphones on his ears, and as she sat down next to him, he offered her one so she could listen.

"Don't worry," he told her seriously, with grave eyes, "My father taught me to clean my ears each morning."

"Too bad that was the only hygiene practice he taught you." She joked, and he pounced on her in response.

"Take that back, girly!" He cried out, as he messed up her hair, and began to mercilessly tickle her.

Letting out a shrill scream, she squirmed in his arms, but he didn't for one second ease up his grip on her, or in any way let her go. Grinning evilly, kept tickling her, and she wriggled and struggled in his arms; giggling loudly. Struggling to breathe, she gave in, and tapped out. As she did so, he let out a victory roar, holding his arms up as if he had knocked out Mike Tyson with one killer right hook.

Smirking, he nudged her proudly, "Bet you missed this while you were away."

"Nope, not even for a second." She claimed, trying to look hoity, but failing terribly.

"You're an awful liar." He told her, hugging her tightly and kissing her cheek, "I know you missed me, I can tell,"

She bit her lip.

She was an awful liar; it was awful of her. She felt lower than anything at that moment because he missed her, and he was so pleased to see her. He was so pleased that she was here visiting him, yet she had only come because of a bet; only come to prove a point for Stephanie just so the brunette to give Jeff a couple of extra zeros in his waning bank balance.

Those thoughts filled her head, and she felt vile and loathsome.

In a voice that was too weak for her to stand, she grabbed his hand, "I really did miss you, you know that right?"

She could tell her desperate words shook him, and with serious green eyes he looked at her gently, "I do know that Li; I missed you too."

He then put an arm over her shoulder, holding her tight.

She knew it was meant to comfort her, but it didn't.

It couldn't because he was so kind, and she was taking advantage of him yet again.

Moving the book between them, she read it over his shoulder as they shared an earphone each from his Discman. The sounds of their favorite rock bands and singers with voices of ghosts and rivers filled her head, and she realised without any warning that she didn't remember what her life had been like before she had met him. Awfully boring and awfully lonely was the only educated guess she could make before he snapped the book shut and switched off the music.

"Christian's been going on about Torrie all week. He's such a pansy when it comes to her."

She shrugged.

He looked at her carefully, "Are you alright Bella Lita?"

She tried to think of something to say, but all that she could say was four words that made her smile, "Usted es como el aligeramiento."

They were four words she had never planned on tell him for a second time.

He looked at her wide bright eyes and as he did, a soft sweet smile spread on his face, "What does that mean?"

His voice was quiet, and so was hers when she finally managed to strength to answer him, "You are like lightening."

"Ohh . . ."

Blaring theme music echoed throughout the building, and the first match stared. The audience in the stand jeered and cheered loudly, and the hallway echoed with the sounds of hundreds of people. He was looking at her so intently, so closely that she couldn't really think. She could even remember what she was doing, or why she had told him the four words she had promised herself never to tell him ever again. She didn't remember how to seduce men. She'd never been very good at it in the first place, and she didn't think she'd ever master it like her friends had.

"You know, you always said you'd teach me Spanish but we never got round to having any lessons."

He was now whispering, his face close to hers. His voice was strangely delicate, like it could break at the slightest thing. He didn't seem boyish when he looked at her with green eyes. Delicate green eyes. Deliberate green eyes. Wide green eyes. What wide eyes he had. What wide green eyes, and they were both focused on her, not breaking away even as they were jostled by a rush of people moving past them towards the curtains leading to the ring.

"We could start now if you want?" she offered in the same voice he had used.

He smiled at her, and she froze. She wanted him. The thought assaulted her senses giving her no time to react. Doing the only thing she could think of, she leaned closer to him, and kissed him softly. Touching his jaw, she traced her fingers along his skin; his sharp bone structure feeling more familiar than anything else she could name.

But he didn't kiss her back.

Breaking away, her cheeks burnt and her stomach felt like it had dropped three floors into the basement before shattering along with her heart. He was like lightening, and she was petrified that he'd never strike again. Despite all of this, the one coherent thought she managed to think, was simply that he was the most handsome man she had ever seen. With landscapes painted up and down his arms, chest, back and face, he was honest and never contrite, raw and not contrived. She didn't regret kissing him, it had been the first kiss in a while that she hadn't.

But he hadn't kissed her back.

Torrie might have called it karma if they weren't such good friends.

Deeply mortified, Lita moved to stand, but he stopped her.

"Jeff . . . ?"

Now her voice was broken; but it hadn't been broken by anything slight.

On tenterhooks she waited, unable to say another single word.

"Usted es como el aligeramiento." He told her suddenly with a certain look flashing through his grass green orbs.

Just as suddenly, without any signs of deliberation or thought, he kissed her. This time not as softly as when she had kissed him. His hands tangled in her hair, holding her close. He kissed her like a dancer; as if he'd been waiting so long for the chance. She kissed him back just as feverishly, her eyelashes fluttering ever so slightly over his skin. His landscapes smeared onto her skin as she moved onto his lap, and she held him closer than any other man she had ever kissed.

His eyes were greener than spring when the broke apart and so, impulsively, she kissed him again.

This time he was smiling as he kissed her back.


I hope you enjoyed this chapter, R&R if you have the time.