Title: The highly educational demonstration of how to drive guys off

Written by Professional Scatterbrain.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Rating: Pg – 13 to R

Summary: See challenge set by Karen U

#3 – Karen U

-Lita/Edge, Lita/Jeff, Lita/Christian, or Lita/Jericho.

-A bet between Lita and the divas in which Lita says that she know sure fire ways to drive guys off (Lita is, of course, down about her love life).

-Instead of being driven off, the guy falls for her, and Lita, of course, falls for him as well.

-Happy endings.

-No roster split.

-Other divas should be chosen from the following (at least three other divas): Stacy, Stephanie, Lillian, Torrie, Dawn Marie, Victoria, Ivory, Trish: I chose Stephanie, Torrie, and Dawn Marie.


Chp6: Drive off tactic four.


She liked days off.

Sure, work was nice and all, but days off were just better.

Especially when it was her first day off in months and months; and when it was one not caused by injury.

Lay in her bed with Jeff sprawled gracelessly next to her, the sight of him still fast asleep and snorting softly made her grin. However, like all good things, they had to end eventually, and her day off ended in about an hour and a half when she had to go to the airport to catch a flight to WWE headquarters. Stephanie had arranged a morning meeting to prepare for another meeting Lita had with Stephanie's father the following week. The youngest McMahon believed heartily in over preparation, and Lita didn't dare argue.

She also didn't dare argue with Jeff when he skipped work the day before.

The thought made her heart jump around erratically, and gently she drew herself closer to his slumbering form. She felt like she was a magnet around him, always wanting to draw herself nearer and nearer. It was just everything seemed so much more peaceful when he was sleeping. It was as if time insisted on halting its progress just so she could watch him mumbled the mixed up lines of William Blake's poetry into his pillow.

"Come home with me."

That was what he whispered to her the day before.

It wasn't poetic, but it somehow seemed that way when he whispered it to her.

He had held her so close, and when they pull apart, she agreed easily. It had felt strange to leave the live show. Although Jeff didn't have a match lined up, Lita had still felt an odd feeling that it was wrong. Stephanie of course had breed that into all of the members of the WWE roster and old habits die hard. Jeff had no such qualms, and before she knew it, they had left, and were at home. Her home, not Jeff's. However it didn't seem strange in the least for him to refer to it as his home too.

Gazing at Jeff, she remembered fumbling hands and hesitating kisses.

He had smiled as he kissed her. It seemed as though he always did. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she could say the same. Because she was happy, she was free, and she was with him and that was all that seemed to matter as he looked at her with wide glittering green eyes. There was no guilt, no outside voices hissing at her, only him grinning as she kissed along his sharp cheekbone and ran her hands through his hair.

He was happy.

So was she.

That night he cried out her name, and she his, and not once did she feel any regret.

She only felt safe and protected.

Opening her eyes, she glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It was already nine o'clock and her plane left at eleven. She knew she should really get going. Normally she would have already been on her way to the airport. As it was, she was really cutting it fine. If she didn't want to miss her plane and thus spark Stephanie's wrath, Lita knew she should really start to get up. But she didn't really want to. Jeff seemed too noticed, because his green eyes had opened and were now watching her sleepily.

"Stay here today." Jeff mumbled in a sleep affected voice.

"I can't, I have a meeting with Steph."

"Oh, her." He grumbled.

"Yes, 'oh her'," Lita rolled her eyes, "That woman is my friend."

Jeff grinned boyishly, "I don't think the Ice Queen counts as a woman, now does she?"

She knew he was waiting for her to take the bait he was so gleefully offering.

She shifted away from him, pulling the sheets closer to her.

"Stop it,"

For a second he looked thoroughly reprimanded and guilt ridden.

"You're right." He told her, but then he smirked wickedly, "I shouldn't be so cruel to animals."

He laughed loudly as she whacked him in the head with a pillow. Yet he kept chortling at the image of Stephanie that was playing over and over in his head. Lita was not pleased, but Jeff just kept giggling and snorting into his pillow. His body shook with amusement, and she frowned as he continued gloat gleefully at his 'burn'. Refusing to let him pull her closer to him, she kicked his shins, but that didn't stop the self-satisfied look from appearing on his face. Crossing her arms, she frowned at him.

This, however, only seemed to encourage Jeff.

She gasped as he practically flung his body over hers to reach her mobile.

"What the hell are you doing?" She cried out, struggling to throw him off her.

Placing a hand over her mouth, he grinned triumphantly as he managed to dial in a number. She struggled for a while but soon relented, giving into to him. Defeated, she lay boneless under him, waiting for Jeff to get tired of the game he was currently playing. With a certain devilish look in his eyes, he removed his hand from her mouth, trailing his fingers over each rib; leaning down to kiss her flat stomach.

As he did, her current train of thought was disrupted.

His touch was gentle, yet it echoed making her skeleton want to abandon her body and fall into little pieces. He seemed to notice, because soon he began to take his time. With great ease he distracted her completely. His touch was like wearing blinkers, and she didn't mind at all as he continued his ministrations. Nipping against her skin, she arched up to his mouth and his hands, and her breath caught in the back of her throat.

She rather liked this new game . . . or she did until the person he was calling answered the phone.

"Hey Princess, I'm sorry to call you-"

Lita gulped in shock as she over heard Stephanie's voice; loud and irritated snap at Jeff. Using language her father obviously taught her, the brunette colourfully asked what in the world he was doing with Lita's mobile, and where her best friend was. There was a great emphasis on 'her best friend'. But this only made Jeff, laugh. Again. Meanwhile, Lita struggled to get free, but Jeff merely looked down at her, with his hand once again firmly placed over her mouth to stop her crying out to the youngest McMahon. It was quite obvious that he was taking great amusement in the current situation.

Too bad neither Stephanie nor the redhead pinned under him could share the sentiment.

"Anyway Stephie, as I was saying before I was so rudely cut off; Lita is very sick, gravely ill actually. She must have caught that flu going round."

" . . ."

Lita couldn't hear Stephanie's respond, but obviously there had been one because Jeff looked a little awkward as he scrambled for words. Also, the healthy glow that had covered Jeff's angular face had faded, and he looked a little pale. His eyes flickered, the expression of smugness fading a tad to reveal something a little less calm than he had been only moments ago.

"What flu?" he asked rhetorically, as if Stephanie should well know what flue he was referring to, "The one going round the locker room. Duh!."

" . . ."

Jeff's eyes widened at Stephanie's response, and yet he still managed to smile a languid smile down at Lita as he gave Stephanie his own response. He also still managed to audaciously wink at her; flirting with a reckless impudently that one only expected from the likes of Captain Charisma, not Jeff 'Hey can I jump off that?' Hardy.

"I never said your locker room did I Little Miss Congeniality?"

" . . ."

"Hey, ladies shouldn't say things like that . . . But then again no one could ever really call you a lady so I guess that doesn't count does it?"

He was smirking by now, boldly gloating at her as he looked down at her. It didn't harm his ego at all when she blushed scarlet as he cheekily blew her a kiss. In fact it only made him more daring. Mischievously grinning at her, Jeff looked exactly like a rebellious teenager merrily pulling the wool over his worst nemesis eyes.

Yet, as always, Stephanie met his 'comment' with one of his own;

And Lita was almost glad she couldn't hear it.

" . . ."

"Come on Stephie, don't make threats like that!"

" . . ."

Only blurred murmurs of Stephanie's side of the conversation meet Lita's ears, but obviously whatever Stephanie was saying went straight to the point. Or, more accurately, hit below the belt. Jeff paled, and his smirk turned into a weak smile. Low blow. Very low. She could feel Jeff tense up, as if deftly insulted. It was at this point that she figured she'd have to take matters into her own hands.

However, while she was deciding this, Jeff somehow had gotten back a bit of his earlier cheek. This took the form of many varied and biting accusations which were related to her womanhood, and the extent of it. Very classy indeed for a small town boy like him. Even Jericho would have to give Jeff a gold star for effort and originality.

It appeared almost as if barbing Stephanie as if it was his favourite pastime.

"No, Lita can't come to the meeting. She's staying home today. I'm looking after her."

". . ."

"Hey! My care is not substandard! Just what are you implying?"

" . . ."

"I'm not going to poison my girlfriend with chicken soup."

". . ."

"Don't you trust me Pussy Cat?"

Squirming, Lita angrily glared at Jeff, but he just leered down at her. He was pleased with himself. Very pleased with himself indeed. Far too pleased with himself actually. Glaring at him wasn't working. She wanted to cross her arms, but they were pinned down with his body weight. Stephanie was wrong about one thing. Jeff was far from weedy when he was slumped across someone. Blowing her another kiss, he gave her a thoroughly triumphant look, as if he had the situation totally under his control.

She decided to take it out of his control.

Softening her eyes, she stared up at him under dark lashes. He might not have been convinced as he watched her out of the corner of his eyes, but the grip he had over her mouth lessened a bit. Not a lot. After all he did know her quite well, but it was enough for her to open her mouth. Kissing the palm of his hand, she watched as his eyes fluttered, and as he become rather distracted from his conversation with Stephanie.

"What?" he asked in a breathless voice, "I don't hear that . . . I mean, I missed what you just said-"

The last sentence ended with his voice becoming quite high pitched. A nervous reaction perhaps to the fact she'd started licking the palm of his hand, her lips soft and her touch warm. His breathing was now shallow, and . . .

Then with vengeance, she bit down into his flesh.

"Ouch, you little – you bit me!" he cried. "Good golly Miss Molly Holly!"

Lita laughed.

"No, not you," Jeff rushed to answer, "Um, who? . . . Uhm, it was the dog, you know, my pet, um dog. '

" . . ."

"Yeah, uhm, I did name it after Molly Holly."

" . . ."

With a gulp, Jeff turned to Lita, very pale, yet not defeated. Eyeing her off, he seemed to be considering something of great importance, something which over shadowed the taunts about Jeff's manhood or lack of that were currently flowing like a spring river from Stephanie's bow shaped mouth. At any other time, Lita would have found this strange, as usually it was around this time she would have been tackling the mobile from Jeff. Who, of course would be replying to Stephanie's accusations with some of his own.

Finally he seemed to come to a decision.

"Tell her you're sick." He ordered and plead at the same time.

She shook her head.

Very green eyes meet her hazel ones imploringly, "Please Li, pretty please. Pretty, pretty please."

Sighing, she grabbed the mobile from his sweaty grip. Pleadingly, he continued to look at her with impossibly wide needy eyes, as if that would convince her . . . well, though it had worked many, many times in the past, this time it wouldn't. Nope. It wouldn't work at all. All she had to do was get up, and catch her flight. Jeff couldn't stop her. Nope, no he could not. She was sure of it . . . or she would be when he stopped trying to weaken her disposition with those tried and true techniques of his. Damn itJeff. She tried to ignore him, but now trying to distract with a puppy dog smile, and it was becoming harder to get up and catch the plane she knew she had to catch.

"Steph, sorry about that,"

The sound of Stephanie growling the background was not comforting at all and Lita tried not to be nervous as she waited for a reply. She also tried not to glance over at Jeff. With his face aghast, he groaned at her passive words. Pulling her freehand over his face, he let out a whine as if she was double crossing him and dancing on his grave while doing so.

Lita was not amused.

Neither was Stephanie.

"I said flirt with him, not –" She then paused unable to continue, instead letting out a cry of lament, "Yuck, I can't even say the words!"

Lita coolly refused to give her friend any sort of answer. Jeff, of course noticed this. Considering it a huge leap in his campaign to awaken his best friend to the horrors of the Billion Dollar Princess, he began to hum a victory melody, tapping out the rhythm along each of her ribs. All things considered, this was a very good day in the life of Jeff Hardy; waking up next to Lita, one upping Stephanie, getting Lita to see the validity of one upping Stephanie . . . what more could a guy want?

Meanwhile, Stephanie was just getting started.

"God, I understand why Jeff said you're ill. That boy's all pointy elbows and knobby knees; he must have left bruises all over you, you poor thing." Stephanie bemoaned, "Not to mention how out of practiced he must be since Trish last let him have a poke around!"

Lita scowled at this, her eyes narrowing and her mouth tightening. She hated the thought of that blonde Canadian. She especially hated the thought of Jeff, darling Jeff, her darling Jeff ever being with that blonde Canadian leech. To think Jeff wanted to marry that woman! The very (ghastly) thought made Lita grimace darkly. Meanwhile Jeff's grin, like Stephanie's rant, continued to expand rapidly.

It was like watching a Cheshire cat, while listening to the Queen of Hearts.

Lita had had enough.

"I'm not feeling well." She announced, interrupting her friend in the middle of her howl.

"You're not?" came the suspicious response.

"No, I'm not."

To add to effect, Lita coughed.

Twice.

At this, Jeff rose up on his knees, his hands held up in victory. Looking up towards the sky, his face was overjoyed, and Lita wrinkled her nose. With a sense of satisfaction she brought up one leg, and squarely knocked him off balance. Landing with a thump, he fell in a tangle heap of overly long limbs to the floor.

"What was what?"

Leaning over the side of the bed, Lita looked down at Jeff, "Nothing, Jeff just tripped."

Stephanie's reply to such information was nothing less than what people had come to expect from her, "Clumsy oaf,"

"Don't be rude."

"I'm not. I'm being honest." Stephanie griped sourly.

Ignoring the distain in her friend's voice, Lita swatted Jeff away as he tried to get back on the bed. Gloriously happy, he was lighter than air as he gave up climbing his way back into bed, and started scissor jumping instead. Unfortunately that approach failed him too; slipping on the floorboards to land with a louder thump. Sighing, Lita gave in again, and held out her hand to help him up.

Jeff didn't even have the decency to look abashed as he clambered back up beside her.

No, he looked just as smug as Christian did the moment Torrie agreed to go out with him. It wasn't a good look, but as he starting singing she relented, and he knew it. She was wrapped around his little finger, and he knew it. He always had. Tugging on her hair, he looked utterly charming and she didn't even mind when he started in on the second verse of 'From Russia with Love' in an awful Russian accent.

"I've got to go Steph, Suddenly I'm feeling weak, and light headed."

"Bet it's from whatever boy wonderless gave you." Stephanie mumbled obstinately.

Lita pretended she didn't hear that, and coughed again.

"We'll continue this talk later."

There was no doubt the brunette would, probably the first next time they saw each other. But Lita didn't really care at the moment. Ending the call, she archly watched Jeff with narrowed hazel eyes. Giving the impression of supreme and unquestionable innocence he looked back at her. He then completed his look of virtuousness', by blinking his eyes and fluttering his long lashes at her. What a chaste boy he could be under the right conditions.

But he spoiled it all with a sly look of success, "You lied to Princess for me."

"Did not."

"Did too."

She crossed her arms annoyance; but this only made him laugh.

So narrowed her eyes, and coughed again.

"What?"

"I'm ill, make me breakfast," she request, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

"Loser. I get you a day off and this is how you treat me." Jeff grumbled, "I should be offended."

But he wasn't. Quite the opposite in fact. Ignoring her feeble protests, he coiled around her as close as he could. Relax next to her, Jeff fully intended on spending the rest of the day in that exact position, and he was sure that Lita would agree once she'd realised the brilliance of his master plan. After stealing a kiss from her, he quite certain that Lita was beginning to see it his way, especially when she couldn't stop herself from beaming.

And that was how they spend their day.

Lita had always known there was a reason she liked days off so much.


Stephanie had never trusted any man that wore a cape; and with good reason.

Leaving a bruised Masterpiece in her wake, she couldn't help but congratulate herself.

It really was an inspired choice to wear those pointed Channel boots today.

Walking down the hallway, the brunette examined every employee surrounding her. It was an old habit, but a valid one. After all, one day soon it would be all hers. All of it. Every person buzzing around her would eventually become names on her pay list, not her fathers. Not her mothers and not her brothers. Hers. Possession was nine tenths of the law, and Stephanie already was anticipating the day when people realised that they were owned by her. She was looking forward to that day. Very much so.

Too bad so many people had forgotten they were living on borrowed time.

Her father wasn't the future of the business after all, he was only the present.

But that wasn't her focus.

The redheaded daredevil was. As it was, Stephanie could claim many things about her best friend. She had the best hair and the second best shoes hands down. But a talent for stealth was never one of Lita's finer skills. Her forte lay squarely in the wrestling ring and in the various Animal Shelters' her charity ran. It didn't lay, as it did with Torrie, in the avoidance of people.

It only took one hour to find Lita after Raw finished filming.

Disappointingly, Stephanie located Lita with Torrie. The blonde was nursing her bruised cheek with an icepack she's gotten Rob Van Dam to fetch for her. While she was doing this, Lita was quietly organizing some tactics for Torrie to employ the next time she saw the woman that left the red handprint on the pretty blonde's face. Candace Michelle wouldn't know what had hit her. Well . . . in imprint of her fairy wand right between her uneven eyes might give her a hint but that would only happen once she regained consciousness.

Stephanie, although liking the irony of the plan, didn't know why Lita bothered.

Torrie had always been a weak link. Stephanie had always held firm on that belief, and on her policy to never allow the blonde near a knife. As a McMahon she was more than aware of what the blonde was capable of doing with it. However Lita always had been the type to coddle the blonde and Dawn Marie. At the thought of the other brunette, Stephanie had to admit seeing Lita baby Torrie was better than having Dawn lecture everyone in her sight about how over indulged Stephanie was.

Gag; even listening to Linda was to much these days; Stephanie didn't want to deal with Dawn too.

Having her absent from the proceedings was a blessing in disguise.

Or rather a blessing without a disguise; Dawn was getting far too mouthy for her own good.

Sauntering up to her friends, Stephanie greeted them evenly. She was more than aware that in arenas like these, walls had ears. Unfortunately for her, they also had cameras. No one was going to fool her again. Fool her once shame on them, fool her twice . . . actually, she preferred not to recall how many times she'd forgotten about the cameras. Although she was certain her father would be able and delighted to put together a DVD montage of it whenever he so wished.

"Come on, I made dinner reservations."

A little crossed eyed, Torrie blinked sluggishly, "Oh, but Chris Master's asked us out to dinner with him."

This made Stephanie snort, "That arse? Unless you looking forward to fulfilling his dreams about writing into playboy about his ménage trios between his two of his favourite three diva's, I'd advise you to rethink that decision, I know I did when he propositioned me tonight."

Torrie blushed, but a sick look covered Lita's face. Looking down at her hands the woman that only moments ago was masterminding the perfect technique to leave a star shaped scar on Candace's face was gone. In her place was someone small and guilt ridden, disgusted by herself. Awkwardly, she twisted some of her long red hair between her fingers, and silently bit her lip.

"Sorry Li," Torrie whispered, patting her hand, "I should have known Master's was just like all those other losers."

"No, it's nothing. I mean, I made my bed and now I have to sleep in it."

"It's not like that, and you know it." Torrie declared passionately in a hushed voice. "I don't think that, and neither does Stephanie or Jeff, or Christian. He said you were always the Cher, and Matt was always the Sonny."

Biting tongue, Stephanie somehow managed to nod, "If Christian said that, it's got to be true."

At this, Lita looked up, now biting back a smirk rather than the tears that Stephanie had almost glimpsed moments ago. Silently the two women spoke without words, glancing over at Torrie who was patting Lita's hand caringly without the slightest clue as to what was going on. It was quite obvious what Stephanie was doing, and Lita was grateful.

"Come on Doll's, let get out of here." Stephanie announced, taking Lita's other hand and leading the procession out of the arena in the manner only a McMahon was able too.

Waling in between two of her closest friends Lita felt couldn't help feeling much better, and when she spotted Master's she took the lead. Giving him the finger, she laughed as his face screwed up as if he had bitten into a lemon. Stephanie was right about him and as he hobbled away from the three, Lita was convinced that Stephanie had also insured that any chances of him spoiling the gene pool of humanity was now severely limited.

Reaching the restaurant, Stephanie's concentration altered back to the conversation that had been left unfinished. Ordering her meal. In fluent Japanese of course (Torrie could speak all the French she wanted, but in Stephanie's mind, Japanese was the only language worth putting effort into learning). Subsequently the brunette chose to collect herself deliberately; taking her time to unfold her serviette and smooth the non existent wrinkles on her business suit.

"I think I need to clarify something my friend," Stephanie announced turning to Lita the very moment she was ready to take hold of the conversation and not a moment before, "Tactic three wasn't to acquire a badly trained boyfriend, but to unsettle Jeff through some harmless flirtation."

It was when Torrie didn't get over excited the key word 'boyfriend', Stephanie got suspicious.

"Barbie, if you're hiding something, it's not good for your complexion,"

Torrie was unruffled though. Strangely enough, that had been becoming a pattern as of late. It was off putting. She was even acting majestically at times, abandoning her cheerleader gone bad approach to self presentation for something almost European in taste. She was even starting to give up the permanent look of confusion that was forever filling her pretty face, replacing it with a look of . . . (insert gag) happiness. Jolie indeed. Finally, and worst of all, Stephanie was finding it increasingly hard to send the blonde into any sort of alarm or shock.

On the whole, it was disquieting and disruptive.

Almost with an imposing air about her, Torrie looked up from the drink list, "Don't be so over dramatic. Practically everyone knows they're dating. They did choose to make out right in front of basically the entire TNA roster."

"We didn't make out," Lita blushed, "I just kissed him once."

"He kissed you back more than once," Torrie corrected, "Christian heard from Rhino, who said you two were necking like you were in heat."

Lita's jaw dropped open, "We were not!"

"Of course you weren't," Torrie conceded, "But that's what everyone was going around gossiping until Jeff made then stop."

Unconvinced, Stephanie was more than dubious about any act of chivalry he could possible perform. Sure, she was fully aware of his white knight fantasy. Having him carry Lita back to the hotel after spectacularly defending her innocence was more than enough reminder about that annoying habit of his. Yet, to take on such a number of people to quiet some rumors (not half as damaging as the ones that still followed Lita) was questionable.

She voiced this to Torrie, but the blonde only shook her head.

"It's true. Christian had to help Jeff when he got into a fight with some guys after a show last week. Poor, Christian, he got a black eye and a nasty cut on his shoulder blade. I went and saw him in the emergency room and held his hand when he got stitches. He was very brave you know, even Jeff said so."

It seemed that this information was new to both Stephanie and Lita. Paling, the redhead seemed shocked by the news of Jeff's bravery. Or stupidity, as Stephanie preferred to think of it as. Yet never the less, Lita looked as though she'd swallowed a lung full of sea water. Thoroughly distraught, she ran a hand through her hair as shifted in her seat.

"You're not very good at driving a man off are you Lita." Stephanie finally commented, "But then again, Jeff was always the sort that drove women off."

"He did not." Lita defended blindly, "Jeff's wonderful. All of those women were dim-witted fools to break up with him."

This made Stephanie laugh, but not for the reason's Lita though it did.

"Alright Li, then why hadn't this demonstration been a success?" she asked indulgently.

It was obvious that Lita didn't know how to answer that, stubbornly stating, "I don't know. It's just not working at the moment,"

Lacing her fingers together, Stephanie lent forward just a little. Flares of something a little bit sinister flicker in her eyes as she looked at her friend. She'd just thought of the perfect tactic. Something that would really light up the evening sky, so to speak. Ignoring everything around her, Stephanie focused in on Lita. Pleased, Stephanie allowed a small smile to grace her face as the redhead fiddled anxiously with her silverware.

"What's he doing tonight?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Lita relaxed, "Oh, just guys' night with the boys. Very mysterious and secretive."

"You should go."

"No! No way! They've been doing guys night for as long as I can remember. I can't crash it."

Torrie nodded in agreement. She hadn't really known much about the guys' night until, but from what she did know, it was important. The guys all meet up once a month and disappeared all night. They only returned the next morning smelling of sweat, junk food and cheap liquor. They would roll into bed in the latest hours in the morning, and be so sensitive to the smallest sound that they would literally do anything she wanted in order to get some sleep. Fondly, she recalled Jericho handing over his wallet and sending her off to the Boxing Day sales. Good times.

"But you're his girlfriend now." Stephanie prompted with an unsettling look of delight in her eyes.

"So?"

"His life is different now you're dating; you need to spent time together."

Turning to Torrie, Lita and the blonde eyed each other.

Finally Torrie took the car keys Stephanie held out for them.


Sorry about the lack of regular updates, but to make it up to you guys I wrote a new fic called 'The Good Samaritan' where a very suspicious, petty, and selfish Christian anda very non-damsel in distress Lita. After reading so many fics where Lita is saved, or needs to be saved, or is a victim of circumstances, I decided to write something where she is the complete opposite. Thus 'The Good Samaritan' was created; check it out if you have time. Bonus points for whomever gets the irony of the Beatles referrence I included.