Hello, everyone I hope that all thinks are right in the world for you. They are starting to improve for me, as you can see it has been a week and I have a new chapter for you all, life is great isn't it?

Now I won't drag this on but I would like everyone to know that I am getting out of my writing block funk and back to writing. Going to be slow but I plan on getting there eventually, will be working some more on Are We Alone, which I am happy to report is halfway done through the initial draft, so not much longer.

But enough about that, enjoy the chapter.


Transcendence

Chapter 71: Souls Alike

Mornings were always a chore, even for a dedicated mage and one of noble upbringing. She never was a morning person, always unable to rise from her bed at a timely hour and without at least a few more hours sleep. Even if she had only slept for six hours last night, it didn't matter, it could have been twelve and she still would have been groggy in the morning.

"I honestly have no idea how you can wake so early." Caren said, putting on some day wear as Adelina waited on the opposite side of the dressing screen.

Adelina had always been up and awake before either Ichigo or herself, it was mindboggling how she could function with so little sleep. Even in Dire Maul she had not slept for a straight forty-six hours, yet still had the energy to drag Ichigo across the city and to the Primal Spirit of Life.

"The Sentinels train themselves to fight indefinitely for days on end, most can operate without sleep for nearly six days. Some even more. My mother taught me a few tricks to do it, when I was with her on patrols." Adelina replied.

Caren did recall that, often Adelina talked about her time working with her mother when they patrolled Ashenvale and sought out threats. It was no surprise that Adelina had learned a great deal, from her father being an Archdruid and her mother a Sentinel Commander. Adelina was a highly skilled druid and tactician, even for her age, she was well versed beyond her years. And more powerful than Caren, and possibly even Adelina herself, realized.

"Either way, thank you for waking me. It is past dawn and I should get breakfast ready." Caren said, stepping out from behind the screen and in a simple pale green dress.

She needed to get breakfast ready so they can have a good meal for the day ahead, they had not really discussed anything to do while here. There were a few spots around the region they could visit, but she was too tired and groggy to figure out which would be a thrilling experience for all. Sometimes she really envied Adelina, not for her skill or ability, but the fact she can wake up before dawn and not feel like a walking corpse.

"Do you mind waking Ichigo?" Caren asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and even using some magic to send a burst of frost over her skin.

That woke her up, she was more inclined to fire, and she hoped that the cold would shock her awake. Adelina wordlessly nodded and strolled towards Ichigo's room while she walked down the stairs and made her way to the dining room.

Entering she found the remains of last night's dinner, cold and had been thoroughly demolished by the three of them. But still it was a mess that needed to be cleaned up, last thing she needed was for pests to find their way into her home. The dust that was still being cleaned up since yesterday, she never would have thought that after eight years so much dust could have accumulated in this house.

"Maybe something simple for today." Caren thought aloud, sweeping her hand forward and engulfing the table in fire.

The food disintegrated into nothing, leaving behind a sterilized and clean tabletop that had been spared from the heat and burns of the flames. With it clear she prepared to summon up their breakfast, a burst of arcane energies summoned up the assortment of fruits and broths. But with breads and cheeses, it would be a decent meal to start their day.

Soon enough Ichigo and Adelina strolled in, taking their seats and already taking some food before them. She didn't waste a moment, taking her own seat and taking a bowl of broth and some bread. Digging in she tried to fill her stomach and also engaging in some conversation with Adelina.

"There is the Garrison a few kilometers from here, decent place but not really something to visit." Caren commented.

Really the Garrison was meant to offer protection for the area, with the farms and mines nearby that have been facing attacks from Kobolds and Gnolls. Going there would likely only result in them being tossed back out for getting in the way. Even the fact if that Garrison was set up by her family during the First War, and controlled under her Grandfather, she would be not be welcomed.

'Might make it a little educational, but then what would we do for the rest of the day?'

Aside from that there are only a few other farming communities around here, she wondered if the Burbridge and Hailey families were still around. Her oldest brother loved going out to play with them and going south to mess with the Stonefield and Maclure families, she wondered if they still had that feud going on.

"I remember you mentioned the lake in the mountains, we could visit there." Adelina suggested.

"That would be a good idea." Caren replied.

The lake there was a perfect place to go for a swim and to relax by the water, she remembered all the times she went up there when she was younger. Her brother was up there with her, along with some of the other farm kids that live nearby, and it was one of the few memories that she cherished.

"It will take a while to get there, but we can have a swim for the day and have a midday lunch." Caren continued, there was a gazebo up there that they could get some food.

But as they discussed the activities they could partake in up in the mountain lake she noticed something was amiss. Her eyes settled on Ichigo and she saw that he was slowly digging into his food, the same gusto he had from last night was not there as before.

It was not so strange that he would be silent during the morning, and during a meal that is, he was always quiet and not often did he openly strike up small talk. That was normal for him, not always one to make idle chitchat when the mood struck him. Usually he never spoke unless the subject was of importance, he always had an opinion on something that was important.

But he was more quiet than usual, these last few days she had noticed a trend with him. Outside of the meetings with Jaina and her advisors Ichigo seemed to be withdrawn and becoming insular, that was worrying for her along with Adelina. They had chalked it up to the meetings draining him, especially since he never had to chance to rest after the incident in Maraudon.

It could explain why he hadn't been sleeping so soundly, there were bags under his eyes, they chalked that up to Maraudon as well. But if he was still not sleeping soundly, after yesterday they had thought he was finally letting go of all that pent-up stress.

Maybe it was like always, perhaps he was fretting about home. Three months is a long time to be away from family and friends, especially if you have them, and Ichigo most certainly has been making it clear to all that he wanted to get back to them. Ever since she met him he has been dwelling on back home, and Adelina did mention that when she first met him he had only thought about that. In fact, he had been much more aggressive in his attempts to try and find a way to get back home and getting others to help to achieve that goal.

But now he wasn't dwelling on it, he didn't speak up on going home. He was disconnected from that idea, perhaps the thought of being away from them for years was starting to dawn on him. To not be around anyone that you know and are close too, she could understand that – if ever so minutely.

"Ichigo, did you sleep well last night?" Caren asked, he stirred from his thoughts.

He went still for a moment, as if surprised by the sudden question, and then a moment later he continued to stir his broth and took a sip. Nothing was said for a few seconds until he took another sip, he was collecting himself.

"Just a little restless, couldn't get enough sleep." Ichigo replied, his response short and crisp, but the way he rubbed his eyes seemed rehearsed.

He answered the question but didn't say it in the way he usually would. She had mapped out his way of talking, often vulgar and less than subtle, but there was a way he expressed himself. Ichigo never hid how he was feeling unless it was something quite personal to him. She recalled how he went off outside the city to train to master his Bankai, only to fail at it and nearly killed himself. They had no idea what he was doing, and only when he was brought back on the brink did they realize, he was trying to get stronger.

Ichigo was never one to express himself, especially if there was problem. That was something she couldn't let him do, he always held it in and recluse himself whenever there was a problem or something happened. Because the moment he clammed up he causes problems, not just for himself but everyone around him. She would have to get him to open up, a difficult task, but one she was determined to accomplish.

If only to prevent him from doing more harm to himself and anyone he knows.

"I think getting everything together would be a good idea before we leave, I know there are some clothing up at the gazebo in the mountains. But after so many years I have no idea if they can be still worn." Caren says, rising from her seat and already burning away the remains of their breakfast. "So, find something laying around if you think you can swim in it."

With that she turned and planned to go back to her room, to check and see if her mother had any spare swimwear. The chances of anything being here was small, her mother never was one for excess, oddly minimalist when compared to other nobles – some called it stingy. Although her mind was more on figuring out how to speak with Ichigo, trying to discern his anxiety was not easy.

Often, he dwelled on seemingly random things, although his actions following those events often helped to determine what was affecting him. The Desolace had been a turning point for him, it was the first taste of open warfare, of a long drawn out conflict, one where the bodies of hundreds littered the ground. The first taste of battle was often the hardest for any soldier, and while Ichigo was no novice to combat, war on a large scale often brought more troubles than one realized.

It would be trial and error from here, although she was loathe to try and use such methods to dig into his psyche and pull out what was affecting him. But this was their only option, these last few weeks have been rough on him, it was best that they settle things before he buckled under the stress.


One Hour Later

They had left the villa only three quarters of an hour ago, and still they were walking up the slight slope through the mountains. It was a nice well-travelled path, which had once been used for grazing cattle, that looks to have not been used in some decades.

She remembered this path well; her family would often venture up this very trail into the mountains to the Rockwall Lake. A lake situated within a completely isolated pasture of flat land, populated by few trees and plants, with a massive lake at its very heart. It had been their families farming pasture and was how they had been so successful in spite of living on a very forested plot of land.

It would mark nearly ten years since she last went up to that lake, she could barely remember it, she was only five at the time before her family started returning to the city. Their trips out to their country home had been scarce and far between, especially with the rise of the Defias Brotherhood and the dangers being in these forests presented.

She didn't know how much it would have changed over the last decade, in a way it might be like seeing it all over again. Caren actually felt some enthusiasm, although it was a little difficult to show it as she slogged up the slope.

"You look tired, do you need to take a five-minute break?" Ichigo asked, glancing at her.

Caren really hated it when he brought that up, even if he was being subtle about it, about how she easily got winded from a run or a particularly long walk. She was a mage, not a rough and tough soldier meant to march across a battlefield, she was a relic Keeper in training. Her job was always to stay in the vaults and protect its contents, she wasn't meant to go running around and start fights.

"Why don't you actually do some training, build up some muscle? If you sit around all day you are going to be scrawny for the rest of your life." Ichigo commented.

She swung out, her balled fist missing his head by a few centimeters as he ducked. She wanted to take another swing but decided against it in favor of saving her energy to get up this mountain. The last thing she wanted was to add more fuel to the fire.

"That is probably the first thing you have said to me this morning, that I didn't have to ask from you. You are being oddly quiet, quieter than yesterday, I do hope you aren't slipping back into that brooding state you had before coming here." Caren said.

Hopefully that offhanded comment would shield her from any suspicions to her actual motives. Being straight with Ichigo never worked, she often got into arguments with him and rarely ever won, if she tried to rush him and force him to spill he would hold back and retreat further.

"You were actually opening up yesterday, I was surprised that you could be so positive and expressive. In fact, the only time I have seen you so happy was when you started training the Guardsmen, you most certainly liked roughing them up." Caren said, that was when she had come to the conclusion he was a bloody maniac that liked to fight.

"Yeah… yeah I know. Just tired is all, need to wake up still." Ichigo replied. "Might take a nap later to get some rest, we'll see."

"Well don't sleep too long, swimming may be fun but it becomes a novelty after a while." Caren said.

"What do you mean?" Ichigo inquired, raising an eyebrow at her comment.

"Because last night we learned more about you than in the three months I have been by your side. You have never really told us more about what you like, I have known you for that long and I never even knew you liked poetic literature." Adelina said, smiling as she slid up to stand beside him. "I also never got to learn more about your culture, you always brush it off as boring or unimportant. You liar."

"I wasn't lying, I was just busy with stuff that I didn't really see the point of talking about it." Ichigo replied, rubbing his hair in a way to show he was annoyed – one of his many tells.

"Harassing Jaina and beating up the guards was certainly keeping you occupied?" Adelina said, a coy smile on her lips as she looked at Caren.

"Hell no!" Ichigo retorted. "I was… I was just trying to fill in the void."

The way he said it was strange, the way one would know they were telling a lie. Whatever he was thinking was obvious on his mind, and perhaps this was the source of his anxiety. Caren let her eyes lock with Adelina's, both knew something was amiss. It didn't need to be said between them that getting Ichigo to fess up was important.

"You were thinking of home again?" Adelina asked.

"Still am." Ichigo replied, letting out a sigh. "But really it is not about getting home now, it is more like I am following the same trend I had when I was back home."

That was certainly a unique way of saying something.

"Honestly, I never really thought about it now but when you look back on it I am basically going through what I went through when I first got my powers." Ichigo said, sounding tired as he continued on. "Ever since I became a Shinigami I have been forced to contend with many different things, so much that it has taken over all my time. Protecting the town from Hollows, training to harness my powers, fighting off Aizen and his Arrancar, and even recovering from battles. I have never been able to stop and think, to look back and actually see how much I have to put on the back burner just to survive."

He looked to be contemplating, as if just now he realized how much he had been doing was more than he had bargained for. Caren definitely couldn't relate to that, dealing with death so regularly would definitely affect one's humor.

"Months of training, weeks of fighting, and it feels like the only time I got to see my family and friends was either in the early morning or at night, or even when I was fighting beside them against my enemies." Ichigo continued. "I got so caught up in this war that I neglected almost everything else, I cannot even remember the last time I talked with my sisters or my father. I had been so caught up in everything regarding the war, I had put off nearly everything I was doing just to survive it."

"Considering you were fighting entities like yourself I can understand that needing to improve is necessary and losing time with friends and family is often a sacrifice that needs to be made." Caren said.

"Yeah, but I did the same here." Ichigo replied. "I have been moving from one problem to the next, endlessly going towards one danger or threat after the other, and they keep escalating. Shady Rest, Redridge, Dire Maul and then Ethel Rethor. It reminds me of when I took Rukia's Powers, to invading the Soul Society, then training to be a Visored and finally Hueco Mundo. One thing after the others. I have been going at things endlessly and the previous problem often spawns a new one, it sure as hell did back home."

Well that was one way of looking at it. But she didn't think that Ichigo was feeling guilt over that, it sounded as if he was overworked and wanted to actually not have to get involved with anything. Problem was something was dogging him and preventing his worries from evaporating, there was something on his mind that was haunting him. Something he didn't want to speak up on.

"You want to escape from the responsibility of having to solve these problems, don't you?" Adelina asked, exactly what Caren was thinking.

"Kind of, yeah, but I just want to actually have some normalcy back in my life. Before I got involved with the Gotei and the Arrancar my life wasn't as bad as it was, I still had my friends and family. I could talk with them, deal with normal everyday problems rather than things outside of my world." Ichigo said.

He was lonely, not surprising really. He may have a lot of friends but the conflicts he had been forced to endure had been driving him away from them, forcing him to endure trials that were not for those of his age. Not something she was unfamiliar with, there were few people she considered friends in the Mage District, mostly because she was always with Galen and working to be his apprentice.

Also, because most of them were gossiping and trying to make love potions, bunch of love struck morons.

But for Ichigo it was different, his friends were very important to him, they were everything to him, take that away and he loses his entire reason for being who he is. He told her that the reason for his power was to protect those precious to him, without them his power holds no meaning or reason for being, but also his friends help him more than just as a reason.

"I can understand your restlessness, they are important to you, I would feel restless as well if I was trapped somewhere and away from people I cared about." Caren replied, her words reflecting some empathy to his plight – she was glad that they emotion didn't need to be faked.

"They are alright, I trust them more than anything to stay alive and get out of Hueco Mundo. I just wish I was there, to know for certain that they are doing alright and that Orihime is safe." Ichigo replied. "But I won't doubt them, because I did that for months when I got here, didn't do me any good. I just need to have faith."

As much as he claims to believe in them there was a sliver of doubt in his words, he wasn't as resolved in his declaration as he wanted to be. But when you are far away from home and it is in the midst of a massive war there was no way you could feel composed. Something like that would always rattle you, and make you feel weak.

Perhaps it was the cause for his anxiety, with all the stress he has been dealing with it has compounded on this problem. The Desolace likely gave him a taste of what might be going on back home, the war was escalating and more bodies were being thrown onto the pile. How many had died? People he knew and cared for? Ichigo had no idea, not the slightest clue if this Winter War was turning out just as bad as what happened in the Desolace.

He was worried and seeing the darkest aspects of war he likely realized that something along the lines of what happened at the Twin Colossi may be happening back on his home world.

Maybe this vacation was more about sorting out these personal demons, to center himself and stop himself from snapping under the pressure.

Any thoughts beyond that ceased as she heard the familiar sound of the crashing of water. A short walk over an incline and they found the path had widened, now as a valley between the mountain cliffs that walled off a long flowing river. Caren quickly turned towards the right and saw it flowing off the edge of the cliffs, becoming the very waterfall she could see from the dining room.

Adelina was unable to contain herself, quickly running for the river's edge and diving into the water. She didn't resurface for a few moments before something leaped from the water, it wasn't her per say, but a large pale grey seal. Dashing through the water and moving upstream.

"She is getting more energetic, kind of strange seeing her like this." Ichigo says, turning and following after her at a more sedated pace.

Caren fell in line next to him.

"You had a massive impact on that happening, you gave her a lot of wisdom and encouragement back in the Desolace. With her negotiations with the Green Dragonflight and also in Ethel Rethor, your words gave her the strength to press on and eventually she realized just how right you were." Caren said. "You really shouldn't be so humble, you did a lot for her."

"I only was helping out a friend, you don't need to take pride in that or get a reward, when there is someone you care about that is in trouble or needs a hand you should do everything in your power to help them." Ichigo replied, and to her relief his usual snark shining through.

"Well then, it seems many of the people around you are friends, considering you go out of your way to save them." Caren replied.

"Not really, I help people because I want to." Ichigo replied, but Caren was well aware of that.

She recalled many times he got in the way of something and helped a person out, more often than not they were complete strangers. She recalled him actually going around and beating up the members of Red Team, a guard unit under the command of Captain Andrews, for harassing new recruits. Ichigo went out of his way to not only protect the recruits but give them a pep talk, or what counted as one.

Ichigo was like that with everyone, no matter who they were. But with a friend, they were much more special to him than just someone whom he would protect on the street. They were people he held close, someone he has formed a bond with and has come to consider an equal. To be considered a friend is an honor few have ever received, many would call him friend, but to have that returned onto them was not easily done.

It was actually a wonderful feeling to know that she was among such people.

Although admitting that would probably open up some form of ridicule from Ichigo, that idiot was not above ribbing her in some way that amused himself.

"I wouldn't expect anything less of you Ichigo, I never would." Caren replied, smiling slightly as she gave him an approving glance.

But as his friend it was her duty to make sure he was safe, both in body and mind.

Hopefully their time at the lake will do them some good. She would see soon enough, the lake was just ahead, the small incline hiding the valley beyond.

As they stepped onto the crest of the incline they came to see the valley in all its glory, and just like all those years ago when she was a young girl it had captivated her. The green grass was long and billowing in the wind as few trees littered the flat grounds, endless pastures of nothing that still looked beautiful.

But it was the massive sky-blue lake at the very heart of the valley that dominated it, massive in scale and taking up much of the basin. It was a family secret, here her family had cultivated and herded cattle, the abundance of water and grass made it perfect for farming and for cattle to graze.

It was just as she recalled it, only this time she remembered it all in its splendidness, it brought a smile to her face to be back here. A short walk across the field and they found the gazebo, the large covered area has its own open dining set and a backroom for changing. It was nothing fancy, didn't need to be, but it was still a nice place to take a break and gaze out over the lake.

"I'll be getting changed, tell Adelina to come here so I can give her something to wear as well." Caren said, climbing the steps and moving for the back rooms.

Finding the dresser, she pulled it open, and found what she was looking for. Swimwear, a single piece dress made solely for swimming, her mother had several made the two of them. Caren however didn't think she would be able to fit into her old dress, she was six when she last swimming and it would never fit.

Her mother's should do, so she quickly discarded her attire and began dressing. Doing up the buttons and tying off the stings around her waist and legs, her body going through the motions allowed her to think on how to approach Ichigo. Not easy to make him fess up unless she had a way to draw it out and often the only way that could happen was if the situation called for it. Again, not something you can do on the fly, but hopefully she can lead the conversation in that direction.

Here's to hoping.

Turning to the mirror in the corner, that she had to clean with a wave of magic to scatter the dust, she examined her attire. It didn't fit as well as it did on her mother, the proportions in some places were just not right, knowing that made her feel a little self-conscious. Although she doubted Adelina wouldn't fill out the proportions, with how tall she is and toned it wouldn't be a surprise if she filled it out.

'No point in delaying the inevitable.' Caren thought, letting out a sigh as she turned around and stepped out onto the grass.

She found Ichigo a few feet away, clad onto in a pair short trousers with the rest of his clothing discarded by the side. He was sitting by the side of the water looking out over the lake, his eyes never leaving it as he watched the water slowly move with the current.

"Not going for a swim?" Caren inquired.

"No, not yet." Ichigo replied, and for a moment she noticed a heaviness in his voice as he continued to gaze out over the lake.

"The waves are calming I suppose, couldn't blame you for wanting to observe them, but I don't really see a reason too." Caren replied.

Something was definitely wrong here, he was looking out over the water and yet somehow, he was drawing more into himself than before. What had just happened that could have left him like this? It made no sense whatsoever.

"Ichigo, are you alright?" Caren asked, making for a push.

He seemed to snap out of it and look at her, he seemed to be ready to say something but he hesitated again. Surprise lighting up his features as he stared at her for a few moments, Caren had no idea what he was doing and why he was staring.

"Why are you dressed up like a clown?" He muttered, head dropping to the side as the befuddlement on his face became more noticeable.

Caren wished she had the patience to ignore that comment, but after all the crap he had pulled on the way up here she just didn't have enough control left not to lash out. So, she levitated him up and tossed him into the lake, and while she felt it might be bad to do so, it felt damn good.

"What the hell!" Ichigo yelled, bursting through the surface of the water and glaring at her. "Why did you do that?!"

"Because you are dodging a damn important question! Instead of answering it you decided that it is better to insult what I am wearing! Why do you think I tossed your inconsiderate hide into the lake?" Caren yelled back.

Ichigo was so blatant with his attempt to change the subject that he latched onto the first thing he could, and that had to be her less than fitting attire. Was he that stupid and out of his own mind that he couldn't figure out a better excuse?

"I am not dodging anything! I was honestly surprise with that damn thing you are wearing! You look strange okay?" Ichigo replied, paddling to the shore.

Caren looks down at her swimming dress, it wasn't anything truly fancy but it was so much better than those frightful pieces that are sold to the public. Honestly this was a major step up compared to those bland and ugly things.

Her bodice had buttons on them to allow for adjustments and for a more secure fit so it doesn't hang loose or hold air. With the ankle and wrist long coverings to keep you warm, with the string on the ends to keep them from riding up. But the skirt that reached down to her knees was important, it covered up several air holes in the leggings to prevent them from holding air as you swim. She felt a little nervous actually about having that near her nether regions, imagine if someone saw them.

"This is swimwear, what? Don't your people have anything like this back home?" Caren shot back.

"That is swimwear? Are you kidding me?" Ichigo asked, more surprised than he should be.

Why was he so surprised that what she was wearing was considered swimwear?

"Caren, what are you wearing?" Adelina's voice called out, the padding of feed against the sandy shore reaching her ears.

Turning she was about to go off at her like she did with Ichigo, although less tossing the person and more throwing colorful words at her, but she came up blank when she saw the druid. Who unlike Caren who had rugged up and clothed herself in actual swimming attire, Adelina had done the opposite.

"What are you doing?!" Caren yelled, shocked that Adelina was barely wearing anything.

Adelina had stripped down to her undergarment, nothing but a pair of leather underwear, everything was hanging out and showing itself. She had seen some Sentinels in less armor and leather before, even Jaina had the strength to show off her femininity. But this was too much, she was practically naked, completely soaked and she was certain she was not the only one scandalized by this.

"How can you be so indecent!?" Caren yelled, feeling like she should look away. "You are nearly naked!"

"Calm down will you, she is covered up mostly, so stop throwing a fit." Ichigo said, his usual brash tone striking her eardrums.

She turned to him, ready to give him a piece of her mind, and just as she looked at him she realized he wasn't at all affected by Adelina's indecency. Considering his previous track record for situations like these she had expected him to at least be flustered and turning away, not just standing there looking at her like she had lost her mind.

"How are you not freaking out like you usually should?" Caren asked, actually wanting an answer.

"You are asking that now? Feels like you are trying to change the subject." Ichigo complained, scowling as usual.

"I am not changing the subject! I am speaking on the subject you changed to so you could dodge me!" Caren yelled back.

He was silent for a moment before he rolled his eyes.

"What she is wearing now is not the most scandalous thing someone has worn around here you know, some of those Sentinels wear less armor and more skin." Ichigo replied, crossing his arms as he trudged out of the water. "Also, back home what she is wearing now is actually a normal form of swimwear, although not as undergarments but actual clothing designed like that."

Again, she was surprised by that little titbit, although it was more surprising that he wasn't as flustered as he could have been. Usually she would have thought that any incident that could be seen as indecent he would react in his usual comical way. But seeing Adelina dressed as she is didn't seem to make him even blink.

"How is it that you get flushed when Anaesia flirts with you, the Sentinels see you naked, or they are just a few thin strips of leather from being naked, and yet seeing her you don't even flinch." Caren asked, genuinely bewildered.

Ichigo seemed to flush at the accusation, as if the memory of it seem to have done the trick. So, what was it about those moments that actually incurred such a reaction but what was happening here now didn't?

"Perhaps it was because he misconstrues the situation as something it is not." Adelina said, and Caren noticed a small twitch that she knew was going to be trouble for Ichigo. "He likely gets worked up because he thinks these situations will lead to a sexual encounter, considering his youth I think that anything involving sex he gets embarrassed."

Now he was red as a tomato, he was certainly feeling those words being thrown at him.

"In fact, he turned away when he first noticed me, I think he was reminded of the time when I joined him in the bath." Adelina said, bringing up the oh so famous story that had been the one that many had laughed over.

"It is not! I don't think like that! I didn't turn away or think about that, all I did was look back at Caren when she freaked out!" Ichigo yelled, face still red as he made his denial. "Also, to make it perfectly clear! I only freaked out because you hoped into the bath with me and the Sentinels saw me naked, and on both occasions, I was with people I did not particularly know that well. Especially you! And Anaesia does it to mess with me, she does it just to get a rise out of me!"

"I thought that with flirting a part of you is meant to rise to the occasion." Adelina replied.

Caren choked at that statement, it was so innocent the way it had been said. There was no way that such an innuendo could be said in such an innocent tone and not be insincere.

It certainly did more to Ichigo than herself, she choked and he looked to be suffocating. Adelina was utterly ruthless in her method of teasing, it was all but impossible to tell her that there was a good and bad when it came to joking. But sadly, it went right over her head, or she just didn't care and just liked having a go at anyone. It was a sad thing because now she actually now could speak with others, and if she didn't restrain herself with others than they would be suffering like Ichigo was now.

"I don't even want to know why we are talking about this." Caren mutters.

"Well why don't you tell me? I am more than willing to talk about something else right now." Ichigo replied, sounding really annoyed as he sent a glare towards Adelina, who only smiled in response.

Caren turned back to him and decided that maybe it was time to push him, as dangerous it was maybe a little force would make him open up. But she had to force it carefully, as a friend rather than an interrogator.

"I want to know what is wrong." Caren replied, turning and trying to be empathetic in her approach.

Ichigo didn't respond, only giving a blank stare that demanded she speak clearly on her desires.

"You are getting worse, whatever is happening to you is only getting worse." Caren continued. "I have seen it, ever since Maraudon you have done nothing but thrash in your sleep – if you even sleep at all – and instead of coming to us you hide away."

Caren stopped herself there, going off into a tirade would only make things more complicated. She needed to make him understand that they were here for him, that they understood and could help him. If he was distancing himself he was afraid they wouldn't understand, that they were not close enough to him to help.

She needed to make him remember, that they were friends.

"What happened in the Desolace, in Ethel Rethor, in Maraudon, it was something no one deserves to go through. You are strong, overwhelmingly so and probably the most powerful human being on Azeroth, but you are still human. It doesn't mean you don't feel for the deaths of everyone that." Caren said.

He didn't respond, his stare remained fixed on her for a few moments. Not a word passed his lips, it was starting to become worrying after a while, then he scowled.

"You are trying to empathize, trying to understand what is wrong, well guess what? You don't understand what I am going through, what I feel, you don't know a damn thing about me." Ichigo replied, his words a growl.

That had gone down not as she expected, Caren knew that she had to try something otherwise Ichigo would clam up.

"We want to understand, but how can we do that if you don't even trust us to help you." Caren fired back, Ichigo was on the defensive now.

"How would you? You know next to nothing about me!" Ichigo yelled at her.

"And whose fault is that?" Caren shot back, but deep down she groaned at her inability to restrain herself when someone argues with her.

The consequences became quite clear, Ichigo went quiet for a few second before he turned around and walked away. Moving for the water and likely planning to swim away.

"Ichigo, come on, if you don't let us help you who are you going to rely on when you actually need help?" Caren said.

"I got no one that can help me." Ichigo replied, diving into the water and rushing off.

Caren stood there, watching as he paddled out into the middle of the lake, unable to really understand how it had gotten to this point. What the hell could have happened to him? He said that they didn't understand, couldn't understand, that wasn't true. They had fought in the same battles as him, suffered through just as much as he did, how could he claim to know better?

"That didn't work." Caren mused. "I don't know why I didn't get through to him."

"Ichigo is a complex person to talk with, and getting to know is even harder, not very often he speaks up about his past unless you broach the subject. But when it comes to personal history, not just his family, but also who he is, that is harder for him to be open about." Adelina replied.

Sound advice, this may be more personal than she realized. More than just dealing with what happened, maybe pride involved here?

"You think whatever he is dealing with is wounded pride?" Caren said, wondering if whatever Ichigo experienced in the Desolace had upset that delicate equilibrium when it comes to being who he was. Was he actually feeling lost, that he wasn't living up to who he was?

"I would think that he is unable to overcome a glaring problem, one he doesn't know how to fight and confront." Adelina replied. "Perhaps he doesn't know or doesn't want to."

That was something Caren did know about, very intimately in fact.

But the problem was getting Ichigo to open up, and to do that quickly wasn't going to happen. She can lay the foundations and let them be present so when the time came, he would be the one that would come forward, to tell them.

"I need to speak with him again." Caren said.

"Forcing him won't work." Adelina warned.

"I know, but I don't know what else to do." Caren replied.

Caren could only look over the water and try to think back to those good times she had here, the times where she didn't have to worry about the complexities of life.

"Perhaps there is a way, maybe to do it you need to expose yourself to him." Adelina suggested.

Caren looked at her funny, she couldn't be suggesting that she did what she did.

"I do hope you don't mean dressing down into something… like what you are wearing now." Caren asked, only getting a shrewd look from the Night Elf.

"No, I mean that you should instead of trying to be the hero, be the one that needs saving." Adelina said.

Caren thought on that, and came to a damn big realization, one that she had earlier in the day but didn't think on using to help uncover Ichigo's dilemma. His desire and need to help others, if he felt that one of his friends needed help he would offer it.

Quickly she tried to think of what she could do and then it came to her, a single person that she truly cared for. Someone did come to mind that reminded her of Ichigo, perhaps she had a way to connect with him, but Caren hated that she would be bringing up bad memories and also having to expose them to someone.

"I am going to need some time to figure this out." Caren said, turning away and moving back towards the gazebo.

This wasn't something one can do on the fly, she would need to contemplate and actually think of how much would need to be done. But most of all, she needed to try and prepare herself for this. It would not be a pretty sight, she knew it would tug on Ichigo's heart to see it, but the sensation she would go through would almost make it not worth it.


It took several hours for her to work up the courage to speak with him, the plan was simple in her own thoughts. But the real trouble came with finding the will to go through with it, even now she struggled to find the strength to walk towards the shore of the lake to look for Ichigo. But there was no point in waiting anymore, she had to do this, the longer she delayed the more likely Ichigo will continue hiding from them.

'I hate that I have to do this.' Caren disparaging thought.

But as she caught sight of Ichigo on the edge of the water, drying himself in the afternoon sun and staring out over the water. Stoic and rigid as he scanned the waters ahead of him, seemingly not noticing her as she approached.

"What do you want Caren?" Ichigo asked.

"Just to talk." She replied, taking a seat by his side.

There was a silent moment between them, not a word said as they both looked over the water. She had no idea what was going through his mind, but she knows what was going on through her own. But she decided that thinking about it for too long would only delay the inevitable.

"You remind me of someone." Caren said.

Not the best way she wanted to start their discussion, but with what she was going to say in a few minutes she didn't feel the desire to be very choosy with her words.

"Just like you he was headstrong, brave and often didn't get along with anyone he met the first time." Caren continued.

"I take it he wasn't that much of a great guy." Ichigo said, his tone a drawl.

"Actually, he was my brother, and I loved him with all my heart." Caren replied, recalling many of the times she would play with him. "He would always be dragging through the city, or out here into the country, going on adventures and slaying monsters. Up till I was ten years old he was the one thing in my life that make it worth living."

Landon Willmourne, the only person in her entire family that deserved their house name, her oldest brother and best friend.

"But life moves on for everyone, even him. He had become a man and joined the army, within three years he was an officer, and a year later he had gotten married." Caren said. "Those years were good for him, but for me… they were four years of hell."

Her brother's departure had not been without its consequences, yet he was not the one to suffer them at first. But she was, to take the brunt of the cost of his rash and brazen choices.

"You know enough about my Grandfather, that I respect him for what he did to give our family honor and a history to be proud of. But my father, he was never the man I looked up to with any esteem." Caren said, fighting down some of her ire as she said it, she never wished to dwell on the man for long; it always made darker memories resurface alongside his face.

To her relief it seemed that Ichigo had given all his attention to her, his eyes looking straight upon her. But she did not do anything but glance to confirm he was listening.

"I never was like my brother, willful and independent, I was always doing as I was told and dreading another lesson from my father." Caren said. "But when he was there he would drag me away from all that, take me away from my overbearing parent who demanded too much of me. Wanted me to be something I didn't want to be."

The parties she had been forced to attend, the fake smile she was forced to wear and the courtesies she had to give to people she knew didn't deserve even a shred of gratitude or respect. She had seen what nobility was like, Ethel Rethor was a sad reminder of what it was like, plotting and scheming sycophants who graved that little bit more.

Why? For no other reason than that the power they had at the very moment didn't make them feel any more whole. It was a downward spiral that never ceased its descent, and it didn't matter how many people were dragged into it and swallowed whole. Someone who craved more of something will sacrifice as much as they wanted to gain some shred of power.

"But when he left, leaving the house to strike a blow against my father's controlling ways and to make a name for himself. I admired him for doing that, for striking out on his own and wanting to prove he was worthy of holding a name like Willmourne." Caren said. "But I didn't realize soon enough what he had left me with."

Her father and second brother, the banes of her childhood.

"What I didn't know was that my brother was valuable to my father, his departure had all but ruined the years and effort he put into raising him and crafting him into a perfect heir." Caren continued. "So, he had to settle with me, and my idiot of a brother Eredan, but unlike him I wasn't as valuable."

She remembered all those lessons, daily schooling on etiquette and behavior that went beyond what she understood or cared for.

"With Landon gone I was meant to pick up the slack, meant to become something more valuable to him and our house. Eredan was thrilled to be on a pedestal and meant to save the family but I knew my father didn't care for him as much as he did for Landon." Caren continued, she felt her eyes sting as if she was ready to cry, she had hoped she would be stronger than that. "That was bad enough having to deal with the harsh words from my father every time he was satisfied with my efforts, but having my brother torment me every free…"

She never finished, a hand fell over her shoulders and slowly pulled her into a light embrace. Caren glanced towards Ichigo, shocked by the sudden action, her own warring emotions overcome by the strangeness of what he was doing. Ichigo was never the emotional type, especially when it comes to physical contact.

"You don't have to do this." Ichigo said, his words low and calm. "Don't hurt yourself to try and help me when you think I need it."

Caren was surprised, but really, she shouldn't have expected anything less from Ichigo. He wasn't a complete and utter moron, he had his moments, and he would know that she would try to keep harassing him. All she did with that speech was probably throw him off for a few minutes.

"I know you and Adelina want to understand what is going on, what is happening to me. But I need you to not dwell on what is happening to me, I don't want to do that. And I certainly don't want you to do that either." Ichigo said.

"How can you say that? You are suffering, you can't expect us to…" Caren started, trying as she might to stop him from pushing her away again.

"I am asking you not to do it, because I don't want to focus on it." Ichigo replied. "I am suffering through every night trying to sleep when I am haunted by visions of what I saw in Maraudon. But it wasn't real, none of it was, why should I be worried when I know that it isn't real?"

Caren wanted to say something, tell him not to keep holding back and speak up so that they could actually help him. Even if he didn't seem to acknowledge what he was witnessing was real, he was still going through an ordeal that he didn't have a clue about fixing. But he must have known she would try such a thing, for he raised his free hand and silenced her before she could begin.

"I know that I am still having dreams about it, feeling things that I shouldn't, seeing and feeling something so real I couldn't tell it apart from actual reality. But this isn't your problem, it is something I think I need to work out." Ichigo replied, keeping his tone very calm as he made the declaration. "I am thinking only on how to get rid of those nightmares so they don't haunt me every night. They do not frighten me, they do not affect me, all they do is throw at me what I fear."

"We can help." Caren says. "You know that, we are always here to give you whatever aid you need."

"This is something I need to face alone, not because I want to hide it, but because I know that it has a source. If I find the root of this I can rip it out, I can rationalize it, but I need to find something that I have not felt since I arrived on Azeroth. I need closure." Ichigo replied.

Caren didn't speak up, this was starting to become a personal telling for him now, she was almost glad that she had not been the one to reveal such intimate details about herself.

"I haven't come to terms with being here, being so far from home. I realize that, and I need to figure out how to do that, but I don't need you two trying to be my damn den mother trying to help me. Books and magic isn't going to solve this, I don't need that from you. What I need is both of you here at my side, that is all." Ichigo said, turning to look at her, there was a look in his eyes that she would think was pleading.

But he turned away and let out a breath.

"I wanted to come here, just to be away from all those distractions and problems that are mounting up. If I could get a day to myself, away from everything else going wrong in the world, I think I could actually do that, I could actually feel at peace." Ichigo continued, his hand dropping from her shoulders as he placed them on his knees. "But I can't do that, not when you think something is wrong and it needs to be fixed. The nightmares won't go away and while I know I can't fix it in an afternoon I want to actually enjoy what I have here, with people I care about and nothing else."

"Then… you are not being tormented by these nightmares?" Caren asked.

"Of course, I am, can't get any sleep now and that is pissing me off." Ichigo grumbled, his usual self shining through as he made the comment, and almost made Caren want to facepalm at how he rationalizes horrifying nightmares as an annoyance because he can't sleep as much.

"Only you would think that." Caren said, shaking her head.

"I say it because all they do is show me shit that isn't important, things that never happened, thinks I am afraid will happen. But it won't, it never will. So, I don't worry about it. All I want to do is think, to sit back and come to terms with it all." Ichigo replied. "That thing showed me all I was afraid of, all my fears and the guilt I never let go of."

"What do you see?" Caren asked, he never spoke of what he had seen, only what had chased him through the caverns toward the surface.

"I see the same stuff from Maraudon, even that thing I told you all about." Ichigo replied, likely referring to the 'Old God'.

It had been a subject of debate for many of them when he returned to Theramore, information was scrounged through as they tried to discern what this creature was. Not much was found in the human archives, but the Elven ones did point to something.

"I saw my friends back home, on earth, dying in the war, Aizen invading the Soul Society after turning into some kind of monster. I saw you and Adelina suffering, I saw a lot of people suffering." Ichigo replied, pausing for a moment. "That thing got into my head, pulling on the darkest parts of me and tried to use them against me. But I won't let it have a hold over me, not now, not ever."

Caren looked at Ichigo, he could say that easily enough but she felt ignoring this was not for his own benefit. He was stubborn when it came to doing what he wanted, from going out on his own to trying to voice his own opinions on a subject, he never backed down when challenged.

"What you faced down in Maraudon, it is something we know little about, ignoring it won't make it go away." Caren said.

"Ignoring it isn't what I am going to do, I know why this is happening. I felt this before, and it is high time that I faced this stopped running from it." Ichigo said, before he gave a smile that actually held some actual warmth in it. "But that doesn't have to happen at this very moment, I want to enjoy the water, the sunshine and whatever you cook up next. Maybe even read that book I brought up. So please, don't worry about me."

Caren supposed she could understand his desires to just relax and forget about all the problems in the world that involved him. She wanted to do the same, to not dwell on the past or the future. Just on the now.

"So, you are alright then?" Caren asked.

"Wouldn't say alright, but I won't look back." Ichigo replied. "Abandon your fear. Look forward. Move forward and never stop. Those are words that someone very important to me said, and always told me to remember them, its time followed his advice."

He stood up, getting back to his feet and stretching, he turned and offered her a hand.

"Do you understand now?" Ichigo asked.

"I think I do." Caren responded, taking his hand and rising back to her feet.

"Good, now will you please stop being a pain in my ass and trying to analyze me, you are a terrible therapist." Ichigo asked, giving her a look that was usually seen on his face. Like some thug that was annoyed at you for stepping on his foot, it was so typical of him.

"Fine. But only because yesterday you actually showed off a side of yourself that was remotely charming, in personality anyway, if I had to deal with your usual grumpy self this entire trip will be ruined." Caren said, deciding that reverting back to her usual charm would do well to defuse the situation, even partially covering her mouth and turning away in a 'snobbish' manner that he found so aggravating.

Ichigo gave an annoyed grunt, but the smirk on his lips showed the true understanding of her words, one that was shared between them as they gave one last glance at one another. There wouldn't by anymore of this, her trying to butt into a friend issues that she felt entitled to fix.

She knew Ichigo, and despite his foolish pride he wasn't a fool, he would come to them if he felt something was wrong. Not because they were able to help him, but because they were his friends and people he would rely on. There would be no secrets between them, no lies, if they needed each other he would come to them, and in turn, she would come to him.

"Enjoy the view, but don't stay too long, I will be making lunch soon." Caren said, walking away and not hearing a response.

This went better than she had hoped, they had left on good terms and a better understanding between each other.

But most of all, she didn't have to worry anymore.

There you have it, a nice long chapter for everyone to enjoy, until next time. Peace.