Note: Thanks again for more reviews! As Angel would say, "The more the merry ho ho ho" (okay so the last part doesn't quite fit, you get my drift haha) Glad everyone seems to be enjoying it. Don't be too hard on Roger for the last chapter...he's going to explain this chapter why he left.


Mark heard Roger leave but couldn't do anything about it. He had to help Maureen. If Roger wants to screw up again that's his issue. Mark knelt beside Maureen and shook her gently.

"Maureen? Maureen, baby, open your eyes. Open your eyes, please."

She woke slowly. "Mark?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's okay, baby. You passed out. Come on, let me put you in bed."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's okay. We'll talk about it later."

Mark scooped her into his arms, blinking away fearful tears as he realized how light she was. How had he not noticed that? Sure he didn't typically pick her up, but shouldn't he have noticed something? Mark laid her on the bed.

"Cold," she mumbled.

Mark pulled the blankets over her and grabbed her an extra blanket from the closet.


Roger was halfway down the stairs when he ran into Collins. He tried to move past his old friend, but Collins grabbed him by the arm.

"Where you runnin' off to?"

Roger looked away, refusing to meet Collins's steady gaze.

"You selfish son of a bitch," Collins muttered.

"You don't understand—"

"Get upstairs."

Roger tried to jerk away. "You can't tell me what to do."

Collins slammed him against the wall. "Roger, I will kick your ass if you don't get it back up the stairs now."

Roger stared at him for a minute, then turned back towards the loft. Collins's grip loosened enough for Roger to move but he kept a hand tight around one arm.

Mark went to the kitchen for a glass of water. He heard two voices on the stairs but ignored them. His only concern was Maureen. As he headed back to Maureen, Collins shoved Roger into the loft and came in after him, slamming the loft door shut.

"Mark, what the hell's goin' on?"

"I don't have time for this, Collins."

"Make time! I come over and find this boy runnin' back to his dealer and you're just standin' there like nothing's wrong."

Mark set the glass down on the counter and approached Collins. He glared at Collins, staring him down.

"You wanna know what I'm doing? Ask Roger what was going on when he left."

"What? What happened? Where's Maureen?"

Mark shook his head and looked at Roger. "I'm going to take care of her and talk to her. Fill him in. Leave again and I'll kick your ass myself."

Roger was stunned, not so much by what Mark said, but by his tone. He didn't sound angry or loud or enraged. He sounded perfectly calm, almost tired. Roger sat down on the couch and motioned for Collins to take a seat.


Maureen was sitting up in bed, having thrown the blankets off. Mark brought in the glass of water and handed it to her.

"I don't want it."

"Maureen, it's water."

"I know what it is."

"Jesus, Maureen, would you please just drink the water? For me? Just one drink."

She stared at him for a minute and took a sip. Mark smiled and she took another sip.

"See? Not so bad."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't apologize, baby. Just…why?"

Maureen looked away, tears starting to fall. Mark reached out a hand and brushed one away. He held her chin and turned her face towards him. "Maureen, baby, look at me."

She lifted her eyes to his, expecting disgust or anger. Instead, she saw fear and concern. "What?"

"Maureen, I…I don't understand this. I just…why? Did I do something? Did I not do something?"

Maureen didn't answer him.

"Maureen, please, I just want to help you."

"I don't need help."

"Maureen, please…whatever it is, whatever I said or did, I'm sorry."

"This isn't about you."

"Then tell me what it's about. Please, Mo, don't shut me out. Let me help you."

"Stop saying that. I don't need help. I'm fine."

Mark stared in disbelief. "Maureen, I carried you in here because you threw up until you passed out."

"I don't care."

"I do."

"It's not about you."

"Maureen, please…I love you. Please…if you don't want to tell me why, then at least—"

"You wanna know why? Because I could. Because it's the one thing that I have some amount of control over!" she paused to take a breath, then mumbled something Mark didn't quite hear.

"What? What was the last thing you said?"

"I said that you don't love me anyway."

"Maureen, of course I love you."

"No, you don't. All this shit's been going on…you don't care about me. You know how long I've been doing this? Since Roger ended up in the hospital. I thought…"

"You thought what?"

"I thought if I was prettier or more attractive...maybe then you'd love me."

Mark's tears spilled out and he pulled her into a hug. She tried to pull away, but Mark held her to him. "I love you. I do love you. I love you. I'm sorry I didn't see that you were hurting…I'm so sorry. I love you. You have to believe that. I love you."

"Why?" she whispered.

"What?"

"Why would someone like you love me?"

"Because…because you're spirited. Because you're beautiful and sweet and smart and funny and…and you're so energetic…And because I can't imagine my life without you in it."

Maureen's head fell to his shoulder as her tears came harder. "I don't want this…I don't want to be like this…I don't want to hurt…"

"It's okay, baby…we'll get through this…we'll be okay…you'll be okay, baby. I love you…I promise it'll be okay…"


Collins sat back in the chair and sighed, one hand rubbing his chin. "So you two busted down the door and when you saw she was passed out, you left?"

"I didn't know what else to do."

"How about helping her? Or helping Mark? Or just sitting here and doing nothing?"

"Look, I know I fucked up, okay? I shouldn't have left. I should've known what to do but I panicked."

"You panicked? That's how you rationalize—"

Roger jumped to his feet not to run but to shout at Collins. "Yeah, Collins, that's how I rationalize. I'm sorry I'm not as fucking perfect as you! I saw her and all I kept seeing was April. She looked like April! I thought it was April all over again and I couldn't handle that, so yeah, I fucking left!"

Collins stood and walked towards Roger. The musician stared at him and blinked back tears.

"Roger, Maureen's gonna be fine. Just calm down, okay?"

"No! No, it's not okay! I--hell, Collins, you don't get it…I was too late to help April, I was too—"

Collins stepped forward and put his hands on Roger's shoulders. "Roger, April—what April did is not your fault."

"But I was too late and then I hesitated and knocked down that door and…."

"And Maureen's fine. April killed herself Rog. It's not your fault."

Roger shook his head, tears clouding his vision. "I—"

Collins pulled Roger into a hug. "Not your fault, man."

Roger hesitated and started to cry. "I thought Mo…I-I thought…"

"It's okay, man. She's okay. You're okay…It's not your fault."