When Maureen woke, Roger was in the kitchen cooking. She glanced around the loft.
"Where's Mark?"
"He and Collins went to get some groceries."
Maureen's eyes snapped back to him. "You called Collins?"
"No. Actually, he was on his way up to the loft when we busted the bathroom door down."
"Oh." She swayed slightly.
Roger was at her side in an instant, arm around her waist. "You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. Just got a little dizzy. I'm—"
"Don't. Please don't."
Maureen didn't say anything but let Roger help her to the couch. They sat in silence for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"What?"
"I'm sorry."
"Mo, you don't have anything to be sorry for."
"That's what Mark said too."
"He's right."
Maureen shivered so Roger got up and grabbed a blanket out of the closet. "Here."
She took it from him, trying to smile. "Thanks."
Roger smiled and went back to the kitchen. He came back with a bowl and set it in front of her. She froze.
"Come on, it's chicken noodle soup. I happen to know for a fact that it's your favorite."
She shook her head.
"I'm….no, I'm not hungry."
"Maureen, you need to eat."
"I'll eat later. I'm not hungry."
"Maureen, you'll eat now."
"I can't. I'm nauseous. If I eat, I'll throw it up."
"No, you won't. And if you do, then I'll hold your hair back while Mark fixes more and we'll keep doing this until you're able to keep something down."
Tears streamed down her cheeks. "Please don't make me do this."
"You can't do this to yourself."
"You're one to talk! First you get all fucked up on heroin and then you call me all those names and then…and then…" she trailed off as her cries turned to quiet sobs.
"Maureen, I know I fucked up. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. And I know that sorry can't even come close to making up for the shit I said, but you have to know that I don't think those things. I shouldn't have ever said them."
Maureen's eyes dried suddenly. "How am I supposed to believe you?"
"What?"
"Why should I believe you?"
"Maureen, I would not lie about this! Just let me help you, please."
"Help me? I don't need your help."
Maureen stood up. Roger's hands on her shoulders pushed her back down. She glared at him but picked up the bowl of soup. Roger sighed and sat back down. Maureen glared at him and flung the bowl across the loft. It shattered against the wall.
"Maureen!" This was exactly the same scenario that had played out when he tried to get her to eat in high school, before the confrontation.
"Leave me the fuck alone!" she was crying again.
"No."
"Leave me alone!"
"No!"
"I hate you!"
"Fine! Go ahead and hate me! If it means that you're still alive, then I'm okay with that."
"You're such an asshole."
"Yeah, I am."
Maureen tried to walk out, but Roger grabbed her arm. "You're not leaving."
"Fuck off."
"You're not leaving, Mo."
"Why not? You did."
"And I came back."
"So will I."
"Maureen, you're not leaving."
He heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Maureen heard it too and took advantage of Roger's distraction, kicking him in the shin and twisting out of his grip.
"Mark! Stop her!" Roger yelled. He heard a scuffle and arguing as he hobbled out to the hallway. Collins held two bags of groceries. Mark had dropped a bag on the ground and held Maureen in his arms.
"Let go of me!"
"No! Maureen, no! You can't leave like this."
"You-you don't understand."
"I know I don't but I want to. Please, Mo, please…baby? Please, stay…I love you."
She stared into his eyes and for a split second Roger thought Mark was going to get the same swift kick to the shin. Instead, she fell against him, crying. Mark picked her up and carried her into the loft.
Roger knelt down and picked up the groceries Mark had dropped.
"I take it she wouldn't eat the soup?"
Roger glanced up at Collins. "She threw it against the wall."
"Always knew that girl was stubborn," he said with a sigh.
"How can you be so calm after that?"
"Rog, we got your ass off heroin, we can make her ass eat."
Roger stood up, groceries in hand, and walked back into the loft. Collins followed behind and hoped his words were right.
Maureen thought Mark would let her go lie down. She needed to just lie down and sleep. Just needed them to leave her alone. She'd eat something tomorrow and they'd believe her and leave her alone. Instead, Mark sat her on the couch. She tried to stand, but he held her arm.
"No."
"I'm just going to lie down."
"No. Not until you eat."
"I'm not hungry."
He saw Collins come in. They nodded to one another and Collins dropped the groceries on the table.
"Mo?"
"Yeah?"
"Sandwich or soup?"
"What?"
Collins circled around to the front of the couch. "We went shopping. Would you like a sandwich or some soup?"
"N-nothing. Nothing, I'm fine."
Collins sighed and returned to the kitchen. Roger had left the other bag of groceries and moved to the broken bowl on the floor. He quietly picked up the pieces, taking care not to cut himself.
Maureen wanted to get up and run, but Mark kept an arm tightly around her. Collins came back a minute later with a bowl in hand.
"There was still some chicken noodle soup left."
"I don't want it."
"Maureen, you have to eat."
"I can't."
"Yes, you can. And you will," Collins said firmly.
She looked at Mark.
"Babe, he's right. If you don't want soup, we'll make you something else. But you have to eat."
Maureen hesitated, biting her lip. When she spoke, her voice was hardly more than a whisper. "Fruit?"
Collins smiled. "We got grapes, oranges, apples."
"Grapes, please."
Collins nodded and took the soup back to the kitchen. Roger smiled at the floor, glad that she'd agreed to eat something. He winced as a piece of the bowl poked his skin. It felt like a needle. A needle…wouldn't this all be easier to deal with if—no. No, he wouldn't even think it. Needles were what fucked him up in the first place. Roger finished cleaning up the broken bowl and sat in the armchair, not trusting himself to be alone.
Collins returned with a bowl of grapes. He handed them to Maureen and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "You're gonna be fine, baby girl."
"Thank you."
"Just remember we all love you, okay? And we're all here for you," Collins said, patting her arm.
Maureen smiled and stared down at the bowl of grapes. Collins saw her tense up and went out to the fire escape. He hoped his instinct was right, that she just didn't want to eat with all of them looking at her. Roger must've guessed the same thing because a moment later, he'd joined Collins on the fire escape.
Maureen stared down at the fruit, then looked at Mark. He rubbed her arm. "It's okay, baby. Here, see?" She watched as he popped a grape in his mouth, smiling at her.
Her hand was shaking as she reached for a grape and put it in her mouth. Mark nearly cried when she swallowed it and, without being prompted or told to, reached for another. And another. And another.
In a few minutes, she'd eaten nearly half the bowl. She looked at Mark and shook her head. "I don't think I can eat any more."
"You're not throwing up what you did eat."
"I know."
"And I'm making sure you eat again in a little while."
She nodded and brushed a tear away. "I know."
"Okay, then. You did good, baby. You did really good. I love you," he said, kissing her cheek. He leaned his forehead against hers and stared into her eyes. "I love you, Maureen."
"I love you too," she whispered.
"Will you have some more water?"
Maureen pulled away and bit her lip, looking not scared so much as shy.
"What? What is it?"
"Do you think…um…do-do you think you could make me some tea?"
