Shit.
That's the first word that went through my mind.
Upon entering the TV Station, a quick goodbye and wave to Linda before hand of course, I was stopped by one of the managers.
Of course my first thought was they'd yell at me for being absent for the past year, but stupid me forgot no one ever noticed or cared.
No this was perhaps even worse and an utter nightmare come true.
'Robert! Good you're here. We need you to fill in for Caroline. She phoned in I'll. Something about needing to check into the doctors for a mental health evaluation. Any way it was last minute and you're the only one the kids will talk to. They shell up with everyone else we've tried. So we need you to fill in. Come on!'
The manager had dragged me all the way as I tried to think of anything to get out of hosting. It was a live children's show and all of Derry would be watching.
The only thing I could get out in the end was the dumbest question at that moment.
'Were are you taking me?'
'Costume and make up. They'll have to work fast to think up a character for you.'
Now I'm sitting watching the artists dash about like worker ants. As soon as I entered they'd shoved me into a chair and began to put things on my face, my head, my hands, I don't even remember when they'd pulled me back up to change my clothes.
I'm in a daze as someone tries to walk me through what will happen next.
"Just read the cards. They'll have all the lines and cues for what to do. Oh and today's a special day for one of the little girls. It's her sixth birthday and she gets to have a special set next to you. There will be a cake at one point and you, with the rest of the children, will sing happy birthday to her."
I just nod slowly, barely taking it in.
I'm pulled up quickly and ushered out to set. I have no idea what I look like up to this point and just barely get time to take it all in.
I stand wide eyed staring at one of the monitors. I'm partly amazed, but all the while horrified. My hair is hidden by long strands of red yarn, a sailors hat on top. I'm dressed in short overalls with high red and white stripped socks. My hands are covered in long white gloves while my feet are in large buckled shoes. A short sleeve plaid dress shirt lays under the overalls with a black string tie.
When I see my face it all clicks.
The triangle red nose, the black painted eye lashes, and the red lips with black line smile.
The crew I thought might have dressed me as a clown, but it appears at least to me I'm meant to be a living Raggedy Andy Doll.
This is definitely a step in a better direction with all that's been going on at least.
I feel a tug from my pant leg and look down to see a young girl with brown wavy hair, part pulled up in a ponytail on top of her head. She's dressed in the most adorable dress, Precious Moments Characters all over it. A custom homemade dress made with a mother's love.
She's smiling shyly up at me and I can tell from the look on the mothers face off set that this is unlike her. A very shy girl having a sudden brave moment.
The girl fidgeted, looking away with a blush, before mumbling, every so quietly. I feel as though no one but myself heard.
"M...mister...it's my birthday."
She looked up, I barely could see past her bangs those wide blue eyes.
"Im this many years old." She giggled raising her hands to show six tiny fingers up to me.
All worry and thought about the show drained away as I instinctively knelt down to her level. Now I could see the shy eyes and the bright smile so clearly.
"My what a big girl. Six years old. Your nearly all grown."
I didn't quite sound like my usual self. It was odd, as if another me came through, a more playful side. It was as if my voice took upon a light sing songy tune. I smiled as big and bright as I could, matching the small girls own growing grin.
"What's your name Miss birthday girl?"
"Kayleigh."
She looked at me more head on, giggling at the voice I used.
I felt my hearts swell at her reaction. Her enjoyment at my play. My clown like mannerism with a doll like face.
Though the obnoxious laughter I'd heard so often of late was louder then ever at my fun. It took all of my attention on her to keep from snapping at that monstrous clowns teasing. I wasn't about to let IT ruin my fun. Not today.
"Well, Kayleigh, we have a special treat for you today. Will you be my special little helper for the day?"
I offered my hand with a genuine grin. She greeted in return with her own, taking my hand carefully.
"Yes Mr Clown Sir."
She giggled, skipping as we went to take our places on the set.
Taking a seat, she took her own beside me. Giggling and smiling happily. Her mother I could see so happy was in tears to see her small girl so interactive and excited.
The other children where not as shy. All sitting about, surrounding us both on all sides.
Kayleigh scooted closer to me, trying not to let any of the kids get to close too her. A look of discomfort and growing fear having so many other strangers so close, I couldn't help but understand her reaction.
Two peas in a pod her and I.
I took her hand gently, squeezing it reassuringly.
"It's okay Kayleigh. Your mothers right there and I won't let anything happen while you're with me. I promise, or I'm not 'Pennywise, the Dancing Clown.'"
What did I just say?
The laughter grew all the louder at my slip of words and it took everything left of me to not let my warm smile slip and show the horror I felt building inside me.
Kayleigh was none the wiser, the brightest smile yet shinning for me alone to see.
I'd stay sane, I had to, for this little one. She trusted me. She was afraid of all the others but me.
"Okay, I trust you Mr Pennywise."
Her giggles thankfully drowned most of that monster's from my mind. My smile becoming genuine again as I saw how she trusted me. Just like Linda. I wasn't about to let that trust be ruined, not now, not ever.
Everything felt like a blur. I read the lines in the same silly voice. All the while holding Kayleigh's hand or keeping my arm protectively around her through out the show. By the time we drew near the end, we all were singing as a cake was rolled out, candles lite and burning strong, sparks flying about their flames. The lights had dimmed. Darkening the room, it not enough to frighten the children.
As we finished our singing, the cake was in full view. It was fairly large, big enough for all the kids and their parents as well to enjoy. Kayleigh's name was written under the words Happy Birthday. Colorful frosting balloons about them.
The song ended and all were quiet. I lifted Kayleigh to my lap, keeping her steady as she looked from myself to the cake and back.
"Alright Miss Kayleigh, it's time to make a wish and blow the candles out to make it come true. Have you thought of what that wish is?"
She nodded shyly, but firmly, staring up at me. She tugged on my red yarn hair gently. I lent down and she spoke ever so softly, a whisper to my ear, a hand to cup and keep it from anyone who might be prying to over hear.
I made a surprised goofy face and listen very carefully.
"I want to float too."
If my face wasn't so pale already I think I would have looked as white as the make up I wore.
"P...pardon?" I try to hide the fright from my voice and smiled o hide the fear.
She whispers again, ever so clear, "A Teddy Ruxpin."
She looks worried now, as if she could tell my unease.
I quickly snap out of my trance, letting my smile grow, "then blow out the candles and see if your wish comes true?"
Her own smile returns. Her worry fading away as she turns on my laps and I hold onto her carefully so she won't fall.
With a deep breath and surprising power for one so small, she blows all the candles out. Clapping and laughter fills the room as the lights brighten again and balloons begin to fall.
I keep Kayleigh steady with one hand as I reach in surprise with the others at the balloons.
Kayleigh grabbing with both hands so eagerly to catch one.
I get one in a single try with my large free hand. Carefully bringing I down and handing it to Kayleigh's awaiting hands. So much joy can be seen on her face as she holds what I now notice is a bright red balloon. Giggling as she smiles up at me, hugging me before kissing my cheek
"Thanks Mister Pennywise for the best Birthday ever. I hope one day we'll all float too."
