Disclamerlarious: I do not own anthing except for my lovely little Mary-Sue Rozex/Rose Ivyshroom, the Death-Tar, and my little song.

Chapter 1

"The New Girl"

"...and so, that concludes our meeting on the 143 inappropriate uses of the bathrooms."

Yawn. Axel covered his grin as he silently cheered the meeting's conclusion. What use was it to continue telling him off for graffiting in the bathrooms? Or... Giving Demyx Swirlys? Or pretending to make out with Roxas while Xigbar was listening? Or getting drunk and soaking the walls in vodka? Roxas was never going to let him near Xemnas's stash again.

Anyway, the red-headed nobody pushed his chair back as he stood and exited the room, keeping his hands, arms, feet and legs near him at all times in case they decided to run off again. Now THAT had been embarrasing. Roxas had never let him forget that. Ever. He chuckled at the memory.

"What's so funny?"

"Eh?" Axel turned to see Roxas standing behind him frowning. "Oh... nothing."

"Really." The younger man raised one of his eyebrows and put his hands on his hips. He shook his head and sighed. "We have a mission from Mansex. Some Mary Sue parody character -- er, new kid... or something like that." Of course, when Roxas was talking about "Mansex," he was referring to "Xemnas," who's name just unfortunately had a rather embarassing anagram in it.

Axel raised one of his half eyebrows. And, when We say 'half an eyebrow,' We mean that it looks like they shaved his right one off, pulled of his left one, broke it in half, then pasted it back on his face. "I've got a question." He surveyed the area to make sure no one was listening. Of course, he couldn't of cared less if they had, just... well, he wanted to make sure. "Can Mansex count?"

Roxas frowned. "I'm not sure. Why do you ask?"

Axel exhaled in a matter-of-fact/sarcasmic way. "Because; If we're 'Organization XIII,' 'XIII' being the key...er...number, we should always have thirteen members exactly. However, even when I was the n00b and number eight, we were still called 'Organization XIII.'"

Roxas thought a moment. First about life, then about the sun, about girls, candy, girls, flowers, the exciting underwear he was wearing but wouldn't dare show a soul, save perhaps Naminé, girls for a third and final time, then about Axel's observation/question. "No," he finally said, "I really doubt it."

They both walked in silence a moment. "Well," Axel said to break the silence, "I suppose we should go pick up the new kid."

"Indeed," Roxas replied. However, as they began to head to the new kid room, Luxord had a wimpering Sexion -- er -- Zexion -- up against the wall and was demanding protection munny from him while threatening to rip his throat out. Axel XD'd at this, and Roxas sweatdropped profusely at his friend's reaction. Luxord seemed to have noticed them.

"How much you wanna bet that it's a guy?" he warbled.

Roxas, taken aback by the senior member's out of character attitude, replied, "Uh... I'm too young to bet."

"You won't tell Mansex, will you?" Axel's eyes darted about the hall anxiously. Luxord shook his head as the fire-loving young-man passed him a full bag of munny. Roxas put his head in his hands as Axel grinned sheepishly at him and rocked on his feet with his hands in his pockets while whistling a happy tune that stopped him from being afraid. It worked every single time.

"Let's...just go," Roxas sighed as he dragged his friend away. Luxord waved and grinned at them with a very pleasure-doing-buisness-with-you look to him.

"We may not know what lies beyond the door, but we have to go beyond it; perhaps even to our deaths deep in the un-rainbows of the pits of our un-hearts."

Axel closed his eyes and nodded when he finished that comment, after which Roxas sighed and smacked his little emo head against the wall while shedding black emo tears that reflected the darkness in his soul. Then, he looked at Us, and We ran in fright as he began to swing his keyblades around madly and threaten Us for calling him emo, which isn't pretty. Really.

"O RLY?" Axel suddenly bubbled. Upon hearing the word "bubbled," which is connected to "water," Demyx came in and began to rock out on his sitar, after which Zexion, Larxene and Marluxia came out with floral-patterned, Barbie-pink drums, some huge-ass bass with spikes, miasma vents, and poison darts, so it had been dubbed the "Death-tar," and, of course, one of those keyboards made to be held like a guitar but can't hide the fact that they are actually nerdy keyboards so they call themselves key-tars. Of course, since Zexion is the true emo of the Organization, he was the one on the key-tar. Marluxia had pink drumsticks with flowers embossed on them automatically putting him on drums, and, because the power of music made it so, Axel played the Death-tar. Of course, since Larxene is the only girl and she's blonde, she had to be the lead singer -- except she didn't get all the attention, like in No Doubt and Blondie, and so everyone was happy. Unfortunately, this is not that story. That's another story. This is merely a distraction from Our terrible plotless drabble which We call a story.

Anywhos, Axel and Roxas pushed open the door as the other members of the Organization had fled from a barrage of insults that had taken physical form. Inside the room was a thing... and in that thing was a thing-pod, and in the thing-pod was some chick. She had layered brown hair that fell charmingly around her face, framing her pale complexion, rosy cheeks and bright green eyes. She had a petite figure, not unlike Naminé's. She was floating in the thing-pod curled up in a ball, hugging her knees to her chin.

Axel moved close to the thing and stared into the thing-pod. He tapped on the force field with his index finger, after which noticing the young lady in the thing-pod was naked. He immediatley shoved tissue up his nostril to stop his nose bleed, then pulled out the spare Organization XIII robe. When he had done this, the girl slowly opened her eyes. She looked up at the two young men, and, when she did so, as she knew she had just entered a fangirl's dream, she dramatically fell forward into the awaiting, Flurry of Dancing Flame's arms. He was pushed back the force of his fresh nosebleed, then, after stuffing more tissues in his nose, he grinned like a strange coyote. Roxas merely shook his head in disgust, then threw the robe over the girl's head.

"So..." he said as he surveyed the newly made Number XVI, "What's your name?"

She replied in a sweet voice, "Harpigalonia."

Roxas winced. "No offence, but that sounds like some sort of sexually transmitted disease. How about..."

"Gonareia!" Demyx chirped.

"Herpes!" Larxene interjected.

"Fuckjus!" Marluxia blurbed.

"No," Axel sighed as he set them all on fire, "We must call her... something beautiful." His eyes suddenly went all sparkly at this comment, and he pulled the young lady close to him while XDing all the way.

"Umm..." she stared off to the side uncomfortably, as though praying for help from the blonde boy.

"She just... too cute!" The fire-loving fiend cried as he nuzzled the top of her head. Roxas sweatdropped again. He pulled Axel off the girl then slapped him upside the head for his fanboyish behavior. Let it be known -- This is not the first time that Axel had fanboyed over someone or something -- He did it on a regular basis. Most frequently, however, he would nuzzle and hug Roxas, since he's short, or Larxene, because she's a girl. It seemed as though his fanboy nerves had been kicked into overdrive because the n00b was short AND a girl. A naked girl. With boobies. Axel got another nosebleed at this thought, and Roxas, seemingly oblivious to the girl's state. She pulled down the robe that had been on her head and covering none of her body so it fit like everyone else's. Roxas rolled his eyes again.

"Axel, you're a dumbass," He told him after he had finished his slap-fest. He turned to the brunette. "So, really, we need to name you something." Xemnas then came into the room.

"Yes... something... evil." he said in his slow, evil voice that dripped with darkness. Xigbar then appeared and shot him.

"So anyways, back on topic." Axel turned to the girl again and crossed his arms all the while not caring that his superior had been shot. "Who are you?"

She smiled a very gentle-anime-girl smile, then replied, "I am the author's torturing/fangirl essence manifested into the flesh of a Mary Sue esque character. Unfortunately, that means I do not have a heart, meaning that in this world, I am a Nobody. However, since I am a Mary Sue, I will seem like I have a heart and be able to love, feel happiness, sadness, anger, etc. I will also make it as though you all have hearts so you can feel all the same emotions, namely love. Because I am a Mary Sue, and that is my job."

"Riiiiight," Larxene replied after this strange little inrtoduction.

"Hm..." Marluxia tapped his foot. "We need to give her some sort of Mary Sue-ish name to go with her identity."

"Good idea!" Demyx clasped his hands together and fluttered his eyelashes. "How about, 'Destiny Ravenwing?'"

The girl shook her head. "No."

"Er... Crystal Glasseye?"

The green-eyed girl grimaced. "Gross."

"What about, 'Amber Moringstar?'"

The young lady finally beat him into submission. "Ew."

"We gotta call you something!" Roxas sighed.

The young woman thought for a moment, then a light blub appeared over head, which Saïx promptly ate. "How about... Rose Ivyshroom?"

"Rose..." Larxene tried it out on her tongue while ignoring Marluxia's squees of happiness at the plant-loving new name. "Hmm... If you're gonna be an official member, you'll have to add an 'X' somewhere. Perhaps drop the last name, and stick the 'X' at the end of the first?"

"Mmkay," she replied, "Rozex, then. Y'know, we'll... kill the 'S.' 'Cos it looks wrong."

"Indeed," Axel nodded, looked down at the opening in her robe, grinned and pulled out more tissues, and said, "We need to get you some pants before I die from blood loss."

Roxas beat on him again, then apologized to the n00b, after which they all skipped into a new chapter. Oh, how lovely We think that is. Perhaps We will pen a tune.

Skipping into new chapters

Makes Us want to wet Ourselves

Putting in Mary-Sues

Makes a story better

Making up dumb names for them

Let's Us have some extra fun

We shall steal underpants

From Roxas's underpants drawer

How lovely. Anywhos, moveth to Chapter Tew. Which is just the set-up for Chapter Thray. HAH HAH.