Chapter Five: Percy's Dastardly Plan
After they'd all agreed to Percy's deliciously evil and yet decidedly legal plan Alicia had tried to talk Katie into wearing the scandalous red dress they'd bought earlier in the day while Oliver, George, and Ron looked pained when they'd seen it on her. Katie supposed it was the amount of leg and clavicle she was flashing being wasted on Montague that had made them queasy. Hermione had come to her rescue by pointing out that this dress was far too much for a pub, no matter what their plan was.
After much debate, they'd settled on a black dress with a modest hemline.
"Alright, time for everyone to leave," Katie said.
She'd put her hair into a loose plait. She was wearing minimal makeup, not at all the club look Montague had seen from her on Saturday, or the sweaty, nauseous, makeup free look of the day before.
"I live here," Ange said.
"You know what I meant," Katie said.
Oliver had four chocolates in his mouth. Ron was juggling a trophy Katie had gotten as a Muggle raised nine year old kid for tap dancing. Hermione was perusing their bookshelf. Percy was looking over Katie with a critical eye. She'd never been a huge fan of Percy. No one was. But ever since Fred had died Percy had gotten a new lease on his personality. For one, he had a different relationship with authority. He was also prone to speaking his mind brutally in Ministry meetings. In the old regimes, this would've gotten Percy sacked. But Kingsley appreciated honesty. It helped that Percy was often, if not always, right in his cold, logical assessments of Ministry employees and policies.
"Trial run," Percy said as he looked Katie over like she was a particularly important report on cauldron bottoms, "we can adjust your look for next time if necessary."
Katie felt a strange combination of excitement and dread coursing through her. Next time. Next time with Montague. What was she thinking? What were they all thinking?
There was a knock on the door.
"Go," Katie hissed, making shooing motions at her friends. No one budged, aside from Ginny, who leapt to the door before Katie could comprehend what was happening.
"No," she said, "Ginny, don't-"
Ginny opened the door with some force. Katie tried at least to shove George away. He was most likely to instigate a fistfight.
"Hello Be—oh," Montague said flatly, as Katie rushed to Ginny's side, "are you doing so poorly with money that you've moved the She-Weasley in for extra cash, Bell?" he asked.
Katie winced. Just what she needed. Proof in front of her friends that Montague was still a raging arsehole. Not that anyone had needed that reminder aside from her own stupid arse.
"You could've just asked me for help," Montague said, looking at Ginny like she was toenail fungus on the foot of Professor Trelawney.
"I'm not your hooker," Katie said, riled, "I don't need you to-"
Percy, who'd presciently followed her to the door, pinched her elbow hard. Well, she supposed laying into Montague went against the agreed upon plan.
Montague looked nice again, damn him. He'd worn a dress shirt that might make him look like a stuck up jerk in a Muggle pub, but did bring out the blue in his eyes. He held yet another bouquet of flowers. This one had little fake butterflies flying about the multi colored sunflowers. Katie wanted to hate it. She wanted to tell him she didn't have the taste of a five year old girl. But one of the butterflies was metallic purple with silver glitter!
"Ah," Montague said, "Poncy Weasley. Can't say I'm glad to see you."
"Percy," Ron corrected, stepping forward. Montague stepped in the door, looking around.
"May I ask why the Gryffindor do-gooder brigade is here?" he drawled. "Is this all for me? How flattering."
Because Katie was watching for it, she saw the weird little smirk he sent to George and Oliver only, and that was enough to harden her heart. So what if Montague was infuriating but charming? So what if he was kind of a good kisser? He was awful. Disgusting. And the revenge she'd planned with her friends seemed less cruel with this knowledge.
Katie thought about Montague asking the twins about the taste of her Mudblood pussy and had to stop herself from slapping him again. He'd probably already sent an owl to his little friends with a detailed answer. Her skin crawled.
"Just here to threaten you," Harry said casually, hands in his pockets.
Maybe, at one point, little Harry Potter in his round glasses and absurd hair threatening Montague would've made him laugh. But not now. Not when Harry Potter had defeated the most evil wizard of all time at the age of seventeen.
"Duly noted that I'm so terrifying I need to be threatened for taking your mate out to dinner," Montague said, thrusting the flowers at Ginny. "Put these in water after you strip them down for signs of dark magic, would you Weasley?"
Katie knew things were about to get ugly. They'd all agreed to the plan, sure, but no one else had to tolerate Montague's presence with pleasantness to enact it.
"Let's go," Katie said, shoving Montague out the door while grabbing her purse. "See you later," she bellowed over her shoulder as her friends protested, slamming the door behind her. She reached out to shove Montague again before someone (most likely someone with no control like Ron or Alicia or George) would barge into the hallway and demand a duel with Montague. Montague moved his own hand to grasp Katie's that was on his lower back, pushing him away from her flat. Katie expected him to smack her hand away with a snide quip. Instead, he grabbed it, and she was holding hands with Graham Montague. Like they were on a normal date.
On instinct, she tried to pull her hand away, and Montague squeezed back.
"Relax, Bell," he said, "I'm not contagious."
"So a man afflicted with dragon pox would say," Katie retorted.
"Where, exactly, was I hiding the dragon pox on Saturday night?" Montague said. "Didn't you see everywhere?"
Katie grimaced. She had.
"So where are we going?" Montague asked as they walked down the stairs and onto the street. He glanced at her. "You look nice."
"Thank you," Katie said. She'd almost made a smart remark. It was a surprise that Montague was complimenting her modest and vaguely girlish look when he'd been so enticed by her heavy eye makeup and short skirt look of a few nights ago. She took a deep breath, thinking of Percy's idea. "You look nice too."
"I always look nice," Montague retorted.
"So do I," Katie said, needled. She wondered if everyone was watching out of one of the bedroom windows and saw them holding hands. If so, she hoped someone had smelling salts for Ron.
"Actually you looked like hell earlier," Montague said.
"Thanks," Katie said sarcastically, dropping her hand out of Montague's with some effort. He didn't want to let go. "You know, every time I start to think you're not a horrible arsehole you just have to do to something to remind me that you are."
Montague tried to catch her hand again, and Katie knew she should let him but she was too mad.
"Bell-"
"I mean, you're your own worst enemy, you know that?" Katie said. "If you wanted to get under my skirt at school, maybe you could've tried being nice instead of being a grotesque jackass."
Well. There went the plan.
Montague halted outside of a coffee shop, and Katie forced herself to stop too, her arms crossed.
"Who said I wanted to get under your skirt at school?" Montague demanded. "You looked like a scrawny spider, Bell."
"I knew you meant Katie Long Legs as an insult!" Katie said, throwing up her hands.
"I meant everything as an insult then," Montague said, "I was kind of a twat in school, in case you didn't notice."
"Funny enough, I did," Katie said, walking away again. "C'mon, The Cawing Raven is up ahead."
"We're going to a Ravenclaw pub?" Montague said dryly.
"But of course," Katie said, "neutral territory. Also, their shepherd's pie is fantastic."
"I do love a good shepherd's pie," Montague said.
Katie's heart was racing. Apparently she was less equipped to trick Montague when she was so mad about the Slytherin players bet that she'd referenced it, even obliquely.
"Anyway," Montague said, after they'd walked another half block in silence, Katie's arms still crossed, "I wasn't trying to insult you. You looked sick earlier. Were you ill?"
"Hungover," Katie said shortly, "I spent most of Sunday trying to drink away what happened the night before."
Montague laughed. "I need to buy you a box of after drinking potions, Bell. Clearly you're unequipped for heavy drinking."
"Thanks for your concern," Katie said, then after a moment, she added, "Jones was worried I was pregnant. Cause of the vomit."
"Give me some credit Bell, I can cast a Contraceptive Charm in my sleep," Montague snorted.
"I didn't say I was worried," Katie said, cringing at the implication that she was one of many women that Montague had cast the charm on in bed.
"Yeah, sure," Montague said, "then why bring it up?"
"You asked why I looked ill!" Katie said, nettled, "See? Why are you being such a -"
"I didn't impregnate you," Montague said, "I know better."
Katie knew he probably meant that in an innocent fashion, but all she heard was that he knew better then to impregnate Muggle-born trash like her. After all, she was only good for a salacious shag. He knew better.
"Good," she said instead, voice clipped.
"Yes, you sound thrilled," Montague said, "Bell, do my ears deceive me, or are you sad I didn't knock you up? I must admit we'd make very good looking Quidditch players, but-"
"You're hopeless," Katie said, "yes, I'm devastated my one-night stand with my mortal enemy didn't end my Quidditch career before it's barely begun. Tell me, how fast would your mum faint when you told her?"
"Will you stop bringing up my mother," Montague said with exasperation.
"I'll do what I like," Katie said, walking faster. Montague yanked gently on her plait. "Hey!"
"Alright," Montague said, as Katie turned around from the yank, "that's about enough of this."
Before Katie could reply he'd pushed her against the brick wall between a donut shop and a newspaper stand and kissed her.
Katie turned her face away. "What are you doing," she hissed. Montague was kissing down her neck now. A mother nearby covered her child's eyes.
"Relieving the obvious sexual tension," Montague said against her neck, "so we can continue our date like normal people."
"Date?" Katie said weakly, as Montague picked the spot where her neck met her shoulder and sucked.
"Yes, that's usually what we call it when a bloke shows up with flowers to take you out to dinner, Bell," Montague said, pulling back a bit again to answer her. "I know we did this backwards, with the shagging and all first, but I didn't think you'd be as daft as you're being."
"Meaning?" Katie said, pushing Montague's chest so he took a step back. A nearby teenage boy winked at her.
"Well, you said one-night stand earlier," Montague shrugged, "you seem confused about what this really is."
"What is it?" Katie said.
Why did she sound breathy? She'd feel more pathetic about it, but wasn't her being breathy with girlish glee good for Percy's devious plan?
"For one, I'd hoped to get a byline in the latest article about the noble Katie Bell, war heroine and star of the Harpies," Montague said sarcastically, "as your dashing new boy toy. Who is that mysterious hunk, all the women would ask themselves as they drooled over a picture of us. Why, it's that dastardly Slytherin dreamboat, Graham Montague, sweeping Gryffindor's golden girl off her feet with his wealth and-"
"Oh shut up," Katie groused, "I'm hungry." She pushed past Montague, "and I'd like an honest answer."
"I'm a Slytherin," Montague said, "I don't do honesty."
"I know," Katie said darkly.
She wondered how much money he'd won by fucking her the weekend before. Was the bet still active? It had been years, of course, but…
"And besides," Montague said, reaching for her hand again, drawing it out of Katie's clasped arms, "have you been honest why you're going out to dinner with me tonight, Bell?"
"No," Katie said immediately, "but I assumed you'd think I had uncontrollable lust for you."
"Maybe if you hadn't snuck out of my flat in the dead of night like a thief, I would," Montague returned.
"I wasn't looking forward to you mocking me when you woke up," Katie admitted, "we're here."
Montague squinted at the purple sign of a raven with its beak wide open. "This is a Muggle pub?" he said.
"Of course," Katie said, "they have the best food." Montague temporarily become possessed by a Gryffindor boy and held the door open for her.
"I was up for another round, actually," Montague told her casually as they made their way to the bar for menus. "But then there I was. All ready to go with Katie Long Legs and she's gone. Nothing but a pair of bright pink candy floss to prove you'd been there."
"I'd like those back," Katie said stiffly as they made their way to a tiny booth, looking at their menus.
"Absolutely not," Montague said, "finders keepers. Also, I plan on framing them. Hanging them on my wall as a memento."
Katie knew him well enough to know he was probably joking. Maybe.
"You just insulted my body again," she said instead, "great way to obtain another round."
"Well now your legs are sexy as hell," Montague said, eyes scanning the menu, "not giraffe legs. So it's become a compliment. Keep up with me, Bell."
"Thanks," Katie said sourly, "you're so suave. Really. Gives me the tingles."
"Clearly it does, Bell," he said looking at her with one eyebrow cocked, "I mean, it worked Saturday, didn't it?"
"Stop reminding me," Katie said through her teeth.
"I mean, it's working now, yes? Since you're at the pub with me?"
"I'm not sleeping with you," Katie said.
"I know," Montague said amiably, "your friends are all at your flat. I'll have to get you back in a reasonable time frame for your virginal reputation."
Katie's face burned. She couldn't think of a retort. It was like Montague had stripped her bare of all defenses. He got up to order them food and drinks and she sat there, feeling queasy and ashamed. She had fucked him when he was being a jerk, run away like a coward, gone on a date with him even though he was still an ass, and she had planned on going back soon so no one would think she was sleeping with Montague tonight. She felt cheap.
Montague returned, the look on his face telling Katie he was either about to insult the pub, Katie some more, or most likely both, until he caught sight of her facial expression.
"Oh, cheer up Bell," he said, "I'm the idiot spending a fortune on a Muggle-born girl who hates me, hoping to change that."
"It's not your fortune," Katie said.
"No, it's not," Montague said, "thank you for reminding me. Not like my father helps me forget."
Katie felt six insults at the tip of her tongue. She swallowed a sip of her ale instead.
"Well buck up," she said, "think of how mad your father would be knowing his money is being spent on a dirty Gryffindor Mudblood."
Montague laughed shortly, but there wasn't much real humor in it.
"He'd be madder if my brothers weren't even bigger disappointments then me," he said finally, taking a swig of his drink.
Katie had entered an alternative universe, one in which Graham Montague was sitting in a Muggle pub with her in Muggle clothes talking about being a disappointment to his father.
"What did your brothers do?" she asked.
"Well, Christopher likes men," Montague said after another large swig of his ale, "and he's so far refusing to marry a woman for posterity. He's threating to date a boy openly, actually. A Hufflepuff. Half-Blood. Father is threatening to disown him of course. And then Frankie is dating an American. She's a Half-Blood too. Father is threatening to disown him as well. Frankie also got a job in the Muggle relations department under Arthur Weasley. And almost worse than that...he has the audacity to enjoy it."
"Horrors," Katie said.
"So you see, Bell, me dating a Muggle-born girl with a good career and a spotless heroic reputation who is close friends with the savior of the wizarding world is frankly, hardly a blip to my father at this point," Montague said.
"Are we dating?" Katie asked.
Montague didn't reply. He was spared by their food arriving.
"Do you want to be?" he said finally, after they'd both taken their first bites.
"Do you?" Katie volleyed.
"I asked first," Montague said stubbornly.
"You brought it up," Katie said reasonably. "But I assume your answer is yes. I mean, you practically wore a t-shirt saying 'Mr. Katie Bell' in front of all my teammates today. They didn't believe me when I tried to say that you were just a friend."
"I should wear that to your next game," Montague said, "as long as next time I have some hellish pure-blood cotillion to go to you come and wear either a Muggle t-shirt that says 'Mrs. Graham Montague' or some scandalous Muggle dress."
"Like this?" Katie said innocently, gesturing to her black dress.
"Although the older crowd would still find you to be a harlot in that, no," Montague said, taking another bite of his shepherd's pie, "you've got to show a lot more than that."
"I've got a new red dress actually," Katie said with effected calm. Why was her heart racing again? "It's dark red. Goes down to here," she mimed the deep v of the neckline and Montague paused eating, "and it's far shorter than this one."
"Perfect," Montague said, after a moment, "I'll go find some ostentatious ruby jewelry of mother's for you to wear down-" he gestured to her cleavage as well. There was a look in his eyes that Katie was half scared by. "Mother hates the ruby heirlooms, but they'd look fantastic on you."
"Great," Katie said, continuing the game, "I'll get your shirt made in pink glitter. You can wave some flags for me while I score goals."
"I wasn't joking Bell," Montague said with a frown.
"Oh, uh-huh," Katie said blithely, "and then we can elope, how about that? Be on the front pages of the gossip rags?"
"I'm serious," Montague said, "I don't plan on suffering through another pure-blood function without you there to entertain me. Maybe you can keep the rubies. Would that be enough to get you to go?"
"Of course," Katie said, "and then you can tell your father you've knocked me up at our wedding, eh? Tainting the Montague line with a Half-blood."
"You'd have to let me up your dress again for that to happen, Bell," Montague said, "are you saying you're amenable now?"
"Definitely," Katie said, "how about now? On the table?"
"I'm still eating," Montague said, "but if you pull up your dress some maybe I can put my hand-"
"You think I won't slap you in public," Katie said evenly, "in front of Muggles. But I will. Don't underestimate me."
Montague laughed. "Save it for the cotillion, Bell. Give the pure-bloods a show."
"You were being serious?" Katie said, "You want me around your fancy friends?"
"Let's not stretch the definition of 'friend,'" Montague said, "and I said I was being serious about six times already Bell. Has your short term memory been affected?"
"Maybe," Katie shrugged, "they never fully figured out what happened to me because of that necklace."
"Nor me with the cabinet," Montague said shortly.
"Are you still friends with Malfoy?" Katie asked. She could put up with a lot of things for the sake of the plan. But she wasn't sure if she could tolerate that.
"Again, you're reaching for that 'friend' label Bell," Montague said, "but if I was...so what? You're still friends with George Weasley, aren't you? No, don't answer that. I know you are. I saw him at your flat."
"He's dating Angelina," Katie pointed out, "my roommate."
"And his dead twin brother's ex girl," Montague said cruelly, "an interesting choice."
"Don't you start that too," Katie warned.
"Well don't control who I'm friends with, Bell," Montague said, "we've been on two dates. At least wait a month before you start dressing me like a doll and hating my friends."
"We've been on half a date," Katie corrected, "you seem like you're doing fine dressing yourself. And I've always hated your friends. You've always hated mine. And me, for that matter."
"Hate's a strong word," Montague said, drinking some more of his ale.
"But no less accurate," Katie said.
"It is inaccurate," Montague snapped, "I don't hate you. Salazar Bell, it's like you all get sorted into Gryffindor and your common sense dies."
"You hate my friends," Katie insisted.
"Not really," Montague said, "I find Wood a little deranged but I respect his dedication to Quidditch. Spinnet is kind of an entertaining disaster. Johnson is a standard Gryffindor. Uptight and self-righteous. I'm not a huge fan. Put Poncy Weasley and his little brother and sister in that category. But the golden duo of Gryffindor, they're interesting. Did you know Granger cast a hex on some Ravenclaw's face that's never healed? And of course Potter has been prone to some nasty stuff that everyone overlooks. Being such a hero and all."
"I wouldn't insult Harry in front of me if I were you," Katie said angrily.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Montague said, "that wasn't an insult. I'm a Slytherin, remember? Of course, I do detest George Weasley, I'll give you that one. And his dear departed brother."
Katie stood up, her napkin balled in her fist.
"Oh, sit down, Bell," Montague said, "I didn't mean to offend you. We don't have to talk about your devotion to the Weasley twins. I'm not friends with Malfoy. I never have been."
Katie sat down.
"Good," she said, voice shaking with suppressed rage. If she hadn't slept with Montague, needing a plan to deal with her idiocy, she'd have left by now. Her ale would be all over Montague's face and expensive shirt. "Because I expect a guy I'm...dating to not be friends with the boy who tried to murder me. I spent months in St. Mungo's, you know? I almost lost my chance at professional Quidditch."
"Fancy that," Montague retorted, "because I am currently seeing a girl who is best mates with a bloke who shoved me into a dangerous magical object that could've killed me. I too, ended up in the hospital wing and then St Mungo's. Wouldn't you know it; it actually did end my Quidditch career. You don't see me asking you to drop George Weasley, do you?"
"I didn't do anything to deserve it," Katie said. It sounded so horrible when Montague said it like that. "You did."
"Did I?" Montague said, "I'm sorry that I don't think trying to take some points merited the punishment I got. Punching me in the face for being an arrogant little snot? Sure. I'll admit it. I deserved that. But-"
"You did nothing else?" Katie said, leaning forward, her heart racing like crazy. "Nothing else? That's what you're claiming?"
Montague stared her in the eyes, but Katie refused to look away.
"Oh," he said flatly, "I see. Weasley has made up some lie to you about why they pushed me into that cabinet."
"A lie," Katie repeated. She knew she was ruining Percy's plan, but she couldn't help herself.
"A lie," Montague repeated, color rising in his neck, "although I'm not sure what lie. Care to enlighten me?"
"No," Katie said, "maybe your memory will return later on."
"Maybe," Montague said, "and maybe Weasley will admit to you that he's trying to sabotage our relationship."
"What relationship?" Katie said, "We had sex. It was weird."
"Now we're on a date," Montague said, "and you're taking me out for piazzi on Saturday."
"Pizza," Katie corrected.
"Whatever," Montague said, "so it's a relationship, Bell. Tell your inner uptight do-gooding Gryffindor conscience to drop dead."
"Are you friends with the rest of them?" Katie asked, "Flint, Warrington, Pucey-"
"Am I not allowed to have friends, now?" Montague said, throwing his hands in the air. "Bell, I'm not going to show up to your next Gryffindor gathering in a lion shirt. Please be reasonable."
"I just find it odd," Katie said, "that you're spending your weekends alone at Muggle clubs. In Muggle clothes. You seemed very familiar with the money and how things are. Too familiar for it to be your first time. You showed up to my practice in Muggle clothes. How are your pure-blood mates feeling about all that?"
"They don't know," Montague said, "as you've very well guessed. Ten points to Gryffindor."
"So why are you doing it?" Katie asked.
"You got me," Montague said, "I've been stalking Muggle clubs for months to try to find you. Clearly."
"Oh fuck off," Katie said, "just answer a question honestly for once."
"I told you Saturday," Montague shrugged, "It's boring being a pure-blood. So I tried something new. I liked it. So I keep doing it."
"Is that what I am?" Katie asked, "You trying something new because you're bored?"
"Isn't that what I am to you?" Montague asked.
"I don't know," Katie said, "I'm thinking it was temporary insanity."
"Or maybe you're sick of the usual," Montague said, "doesn't it get old, Bell? Being the beloved well behaved heroine? Always upholding the righteous Gryffindor way? Associating with the same people, never trying something new-"
"I think you're talking to yourself," Katie said flatly, "I've been going to Muggle clubs for years. You, on the other hand, are so bored with pure-blood bullshit that you've adopted a new identity for fun, slept with a Muggle-born enemy, and are now trying to get her to go some pure-blood functions with bribery to liven up your life. Am I wrong?"
"No," Montague said, "but I'm not wrong either, Bell. So let's enjoy our little rebellions and have fun together, yeah?"
Katie's blood pumped hard. She pictured herself showing up to some pure-blood ball in her red dress, dripping in rubies that were Montague family heirlooms as Flint and company marked off her as a win on Montague's scorecard. Why was he still trying? Did he get bonus points for multiple times? Did she not do some act that would get him triple points? Percy Weasley's face swam into view in her brain.
"Yes, I've got a plan," Percy had said, "manipulate Montague into falling in love with you. Then he won't wave your knickers around, if you're his girl. Make it public. Get him in trouble with his friends and family. Then dump him. Humiliate him. Break his heart. Get your revenge, Katie."
Montague was watching her carefully.
"Yes," Katie said finally, "let's have some fun."
Author's note: I'm having SO much fun writing this and I'm happy that the ten of you reading this are enjoying it so far too! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this latest update. :)
