Chapter Seven: The Other He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

"Bell!" Jones shouted as Katie got pelted with not one, not two, but three Bludgers in succession, screeched, and rolled over on her broom, almost falling off, "pay attention or I'm pulling you for the next game!"

Katie, hanging upside down, still managed to see the triumphant little smile on Hellman's face as she flew by, and she longed for the fourth Bludger rocketing around the field being hit by Kellis, the second string Beater to smack the smug off of Hellman's face.

"Sorry captain," Katie said, righting herself and clutching her ribs.

Jones glared at her, blew on her whistle, and flew off, shouting instructions at the second string team.

"I told you to steer clear of him," Ginny said as she tossed the Quaffle from one hand to another, "didn't I, Katie? Didn't I warn you he would ruin your life?"

"You and everyone else," Katie said shortly, rubbing her side. At least he hadn't shown up to practice again.

"George said you were forced to try on bikinis in front of him," Ginny said, tossing Katie the Quaffle in a pretext to keep Jones away from them for gossiping during practice, "and Pucey."

"Well he's seen me naked," Katie said shortly, twirling the Quaffle on one finger and looping it back in a complicated swerve move, "so it wasn't the end of the world."

It had, of course, been excruciatingly painful. Perhaps she should've let George attempt to curse both Pucey and Montague to get out of it, but there had been hundreds of Muggles nearby. Getting arrested by your own little brother or his best friend, the savior of the wizarding world, for breaking the statue of secrecy amongst other laws, was not ideal.

Montague had insisted it was the only way to get Pucey to keep his mouth shut, and Pucey had insisted it was the only way to keep his mouth shut, and there Katie had been, sullenly trying on actual bikinis, no longer finding the bee keeper ruse so amusing. At least she'd gotten enough bikinis for the next ten years out of it. Pucey had bought them five each, and Montague had enjoyed his little show so much he'd bought Katie another fifteen.

It had made her ill to watch Montague stare at her while she was almost naked in front of reflecting mirrors. Or so Katie assumed that squirming feeling in her stomach was disgust.

"Sorry I didn't kill him by accident during the battle of Hogwarts," Ginny said cheerfully, juggling the Quaffle from pinky to pinky as Jones looked at them with suspicion.

"He wasn't there," Katie said, "I don't think."

"Yeah, sure," Ginny said, clearly not believing her, "just all his mates in masks, right?"

"He's not a Death Eater," Katie said, her voice rising.

Why was she defending Montague? Why? He had taken one look at her in the first bikini and told her he should owl Jones some flowers for the strenuous practices getting her arse so nice.

The way Pucey had been looking at her had been alarming. Or had she been flattered? Or had she been both alarmed and flattered? In fact, the way Pucey had gotten increasingly glassy eyed as Katie tried on bikinis had gotten Montague so smug he rivalled Hellman.

"You sure?" Ginny asked.

"Of course," Katie said, although of course, she wasn't. Not really. He'd shown her his arm, but the Marks had faded. Everyone knew that.

"Okay," Ginny said, clearly not believing a word of it, "if you're sure, Katie."

"Positive," Katie lied. There had never been anything linking Montague to the Death Eaters. Sure, he was friends with Draco Malfoy, and Bole, and Derrick, who'd both been arrested and thrown in Azkaban, and yeah, there had been unproven rumors about Flint, but that didn't meant Montague had been one, right? Wasn't it enough proof that he'd willingly touched Katie that he wasn't?

"I just hope you know what you're doing," Ginny said, "I know Harry and Percy and Ron think this is brilliant and all, but George and I-"

"Yes I think I know how George feels," Katie said, "he's been quite clear."

George had threatened to buy a cleaning solution and douse his own eyeballs in it during the bikini incident. Then he'd threatened to pour it in Montague's and Pucey's eyes so they'd stop staring.

"I know what I'm doing," Katie lied. She'd barely been able to pay attention all practice, living in constant terror that Montague was going to show up to watch again make things even worse. How things could get worse, it was hard to determine, until she thought about the fact that it could hit the papers. Montague could pose for a photo with her tiny bright pink knickers. Flint could know intimate details of what a naked Katie Bell looked like. She shuddered.

"That was convincing," Ginny said sarcastically, "just be careful. You worked hard to get on this team. You don't want Hellman to take that from you."

Katie's eyes narrowed on the Chaser in question who was blowing kisses to all the spectators, who were cheering.

"Two can play that game," she said angrily. Her life had spun out of control. But she would be damned if she let Hellman steal her place on the team.

Katie zeroed in on the other Quaffle, stole it from Insley from second string, dodged both Bludgers hit her way, completed a textbook barrel roll while holding on one handed to the Quaffle, and threw it perfectly through the middle of the highest hoop to cheers from the spectators.

Katie flew by the cheering fans, waving and blowing kisses, feeling triumphant as a trio of teenage boys held up a sign that said "Katie for Minister" and blew kisses back at her in between screams.

She felt even better when she saw Hellman scowling and Jones laughing, and she performed a loop de loop on her brooms to further cheers.

"I see finally getting a boyfriend has helped your game, Bell," Hellman shouted across half the field to her.

Katie smiled her sweetest smile and flipped two fingers at Hellman. In the wizarding world, most people wouldn't even know what that meant. But it still felt good.

"I see having twelve boyfriends at once hasn't helped yours," Ginny retorted, even louder.

"Get back to drills!" Jones bellowed, "Enough cat fighting, you three!"

Katie and Ginny laughed together while Hellman glared at them. Sometimes you just needed to blow off a little steam on your terrible teammate with no consequences.

Screw Montague. He wasn't going to ruin her life. She was a heroine of the Battle of Hogwarts. She was a first string Chaser for the Holyhead Harpies. She was—in the corner of the stands, Katie saw a group of press photographers clicking pictures of her frantically while Rita Skeeter stared at her, her quick quotes quill scribbling at lightning speed. She was screwed. Katie turned to Ginny, whose mouth was opened. Hellman laughed.


War Heroine and Quidditch Star Katie Bell's Mystery Man screamed the next edition of the gossip section in the Daily Prophet.

Katie Bell, a starting chaser for the Holyhead Harpies, a controversial choice that some would say was selected due to her close relationship with The-Boy-Who-Lived, has been revealed by her own teammate Sheila Hellman to be in a relationship. Ms. Bell was rumored to be dating Harry Potter on more than one occasion, which has led to the frosty friendship between herself and Ginevra Weasley, the star chaser of the Holyhead Harpies. The-Boy-Who-Lived and Ms. Bell have always strenuously denied this relationship being real, but he has been pictured coming out of Ms. Bell's flat on more than one occasion in recent weeks.

"With me!" Ginny said indignantly, "she's conveniently leaving that part out!"

"It's Rita," Harry shrugged, helping himself to a handful of more gummy witches.

Katie supposed if you were someone like Harry, a little gossip article meant practically nothing to you when you'd almost been murdered be an evil wizard masterminds six times by the time you were seventeen.

"Ron, didn't you say Hermione had a way of handling this?" George demanded, pacing around.

"Did I?' Ron said, looking guilty around a mouthful of gummy witches.

"Where is Hermione, anyway?" Ginny said, "I know you said she can control Rita before Ron, this is just-"

"Keep reading," Katie said. Best for her to hear the whole tragic thing.

Percy cleared his throat.

"Ms. Bell was also rumored to be in a relationship with one George Weasley for many years before he dumped her for her roommate and friend, Angelina Johnson, Chaser for the Kenmore Kestrals, who dated his twin brother before Fred Weasley's untimely death."

Angelina made a noise like a cat gone feral and hopped up on catnip, and by George's furious resumed pacing; Katie knew that this was most likely the real source of George's extreme anger, as fond as he was of Katie.

"She was known to be dating her former captain for many a year, Oliver Wood, and some specu-"

"Now hold on!" Oliver said, "Katie was twelve!"

"She's a lot older now," Ron said after a giant swallow of gummy.

"…And some speculate that was how a player with little talent maintained her spot on the Gryffindor Quidditch team for so many years over more talented players that had been vying for a spot. That preferential treatment continued when The-Boy-Who-Lived became Captain-"

"I didn't even want to be Captain," Harry said loudly.

"We know," Ginny, Ron, and Katie said together under their breaths. Harry hadn't exactly covered himself in glory that year.

"You were really busy stalking Malfoy," Ron added unnecessarily, "And snogging my sister."

"I mean, well, stalking," Harry stammered.

There was deafening silence on the subject of him snogging Ginny, however.

"Some would speculate that Ms. Bell's fortunate Quidditch placements would cease once she was out from the favor of Harry Potter and Oliver Wood, but she managed to snag a spot on the first team away from Ms. Hellman, an act that shocked the Quidditch world."

"It did not!" Alicia said loudly, punching a pillow in indignation, "Katie worked hard for that and-"

"Hellman's a lot hotter," Marcus Flint, chaser for the Falmouth Falcons was quoted as saying, "and a lot friendlier. The fans love her way more. Everyone knows that she would make a lot of money for the Harpies if they'd picked her instead. But I guess Bell got it with her connections."

"Her hard work!" Angelina exploded, joining George in his angry pacing.

"Even with Ms. Bell's murky Quidditch record she has maintained a small following of fans, presumably those who find her vacant expression and long legs appealing, or perhaps just those dedicated fans of The-Boy-Who-Lived and anyone who once traveled in his circles," Percy continued.

"She makes it sound like you lead a cult," Ron said to Harry, eating some more gummy witches.

"Jim Jones," Harry muttered, which made Katie at least give a weak chuckle.

"Do drink the Kool-Aid, Rita," Katie added, and Harry cackled.

"Either way, Ms. Bell's marked improvement in her game has been attributed by Ms. Hellman to her mysterious new lover."

Katie gagged. She wasn't the only one. They sounded like an army that only had surstromming to live off of.

"One can only hope this boy is prepared to deal with the jealous hordes of men surrounding Ms. Bell, and the overbearing presence of the wizarding world's boy hero in her life."

Katie looked in disbelief at Harry.

"We've hung out three times in the past year," Harry said, bewildered, "and all of that's been since this mess with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

Half the occupants of the flat yelped and the other half laughed.

"Too soon?" Harry shrugged, "sorry. I mean, at least this one's got a tan and a nose."

"I had no idea I had such a harem," Katie said, looking about for a stray bottle of alcohol. Any alcohol. She'd take rubbing alcohol at this point, even if she'd go blind.

"Listen, here's what I don't get," Ginny said, "Hellman knows it's Montague. She saw him. She overheard me say his name," she gave Katie a guilty look, "so why is she not revealing who it actually is?"

"Maybe she did," Percy said, folding the offending paper, "maybe Rita's saving that up for another exclusive."

There was a moment of terrified acknowledgement.

"Perish the thought," Katie tried feebly.

"We've got to go on the offensive," Alicia said, punching a hand into her fist. "It's the only way."

"We are on the offensive," Katie said, "remember? The part where I convince Montague he's madly in love with me and ruin his life?"

"Yes, exactly," Harry said, pushing his glasses up his nose, "so you've got to up the stakes, Katie. Tell everyone it's Montague you're dating and then-"

"Not yet," Ange said, pacing, "she's not got him under her thumb enough yet. I saw that on Sunday. There's work to be done."

"Well, sorry," Katie said, hurt, "I am trying, you know."

"And you're making great strides forward," Alicia said soothingly, "he was able to fake being nice for at least five minutes around us! Progress! But we've got to do more before we proceed."

"Agreed," Percy said, "For now, we've got to hope your teammate keeps her mouth shut."

"I'm doomed," Katie said.


"Heard you've got a hot new man," Montague drawled as he cut into a piece of maple glazed almond encrusted salmon.

He'd insisted on picking the restaurant this time, declaring that it was his turn and Katie could just eat a fine meal for once. Typical Montague. He'd practically orgasmed eating pizza the week before and now he was acting like she'd made him eat Muggle pig feed.

"Can't say I do," Katie said lightly, eating a bite of steak. It was good, blast him.

"Who is solely to credit for your recent Quidditch success," Montague added, drinking a sip of overpriced wine. Was he making a misguided attempt at impressing Katie with a five hundred pound bottle of wine, or was this just normally what he drank?

"I've been successful for years," Katie said, nettled, attacking a roasted potato.

"That you have," Montague said, "can't say I blame you for being upset at that part."

"I'm not upset," Katie said, upset, "who said I'm upset?"

She took a large swig of wine. Part of her felt a twisted sort of satisfaction about the thought of Montague buying multiple bottles of ridiculous wine for her while she got trashed face, but that also led to her losing another pair of knickers in Montague's bedroom, doubling her little problem.

"Well I'm convinced," Montague said in a deadpan, "no one believes that nonsense, you know. Even the boys, we all knew you lot were talented. How could you not be, beating us all the time?"

"The boys?" Katie said acidly.

"You know who I mean," Montague said, taking a bite of asparagus, "don't be difficult. Personally, I'm more interested in learning more about your former relationship with Wood."

"Pardon?" Katie said blankly, and then she reached for the wine glass again.

It wasn't like getting drunk was the problem. She'd fucked Montague repeatedly while stone cold sober, after all.

"Your relationship with Wood," Montague enunciated, "you've been holding out on me. We all knew he probably had something going on with at least one of you back in the day but-"

"What the—what?" Katie said, her voice rising. The nearby table glanced over.

"I know he's pretty and all," Montague conceded, with a hint of bitterness in his voice, stabbing his salmon, "much as it pains me to admit it, but his personality, Bell! The man is a walking obsessive complex, you know?"

Katie saw red. She pictured a younger, burlier Montague approaching Wood and the twins and asking about her in bed, as George had told her and Oliver had confirmed in a private talk a few days ago that they'd had. She was trying her very best to ignore all the terrible things she knew about Montague so she didn't claw his face off and ruin their plan to get her revenge, her dignity, and most importantly, her knickers back. But when he had to go and remind her…

"Was it back in school?" Montague persisted, "I thought you had a thing for Higgs, who likes men by the way Bell, sorry to break it to you, or was it-"

"I never dated Oliver," Katie hissed, holding her fork like a spear in her left hand, "are you really believing Rita Skeeter's nonsense? Are you going to ask me about my affair with Harry next?"

Montague pulled a face, drinking another sip of wine. His stupid crested ring gleamed in the candlelight, ostentatious as always.

"I know you didn't date Potter," Montague said confidently, "you wouldn't be attracted to him."

"Oh, wouldn't I?" Katie said, bizarrely irritated on Harry's behalf. "What's wrong with a guy who saved the whole world, eh?"

"You like a little more bite in your men, is all," Montague said, "he's better than most Gryffindors about it, but he's still too wholesome."

Katie stared in disbelief at the proof in front of her that Slytherins were total morons about Harry.

"I don't think you know Harry at all," Katie said finally, picturing the million ways Harry Potter was not wholesome in the slightest.

Montague frowned, his eyes searching her face.

"Bell, are you telling me you dated Potter and not Wood?" he demanded.

"So what if I did?" Katie said recklessly, "so what if I dated Oliver and Harry and George and Lee Jordan and Roger Davies-"

"Goblin pox," Montague muttered under his breath, "that's what you'd get if you dated Davies..."

"-And Zacharias Smith and Terrence Higgs-"

"He likes men," Montague muttered again, before he too drank a large, plebian swallow of wine.

"-and um, Cassius Warrington-"

"Ew!" Montague said loudly, his face twisting, and the nearby table glared at them again.

"-and errr...Flint and Lucius Malfoy, what about that?"

Montague stared at her with disbelief for a moment.

"Well," he said finally, "Lucius Malfoy is what, fifty? And a Death Eater? Also, Flint and Warrington would never have kept quiet about getting in your knickers Bell, I would've known this whole time. As I said, Higgs likes men-"

"The point," Katie snapped, stabbed her knife into her steak again, "is that I could date a hundred men, screw them all, and it's none of your business!"

"It is my business if you're my girl," Montague said, his face still twisted, probably from the thought of Katie doing the naked broom ride with the trollish Flint or the sloth faced Warrington.

"One, I'm not your girl," Katie said, bristling, "two, even if I was it's still not your business. Maybe in your little pure-blood circles of virginity, you can police who is wearing their chastity belts still and who are not, but if you want to actually try a different sort of-"

"Bell, I saw you tonguing a Muggle with diseased skin right in front of me and I didn't protest," Montague lied, "stop foisting things on me I didn't do."

"They're called tattoos, for the last time Montague, and you most certainly did protest," Katie retorted, hacking at her beautiful steak, "in fact, I recall you saying something to me about him when-" she stopped herself abruptly, but it was too late, and Montague looked smug again.

"When I was getting your legs to stop working?" he said, his stupid ring gleaming as he picked up his wine. Katie longed to pull it off his finger and throw it in his face.

"They were working fine," Katie lied.

"What a shame," Montague said, his face telling Katie they both knew she was lying, damn him, "I've got to do better next time, eh Bell?"

"Yes," Katie said, "I mean—no! There is no next time."

"Oh?" Montague said, his eyebrows raised, "are you practicing celibacy until I marry you, Bell? A bit hypocritical, no?"

Katie ground her teeth. What could be more annoying about this stupid arrogant boy in front of her? His supreme confidence that Katie would get in bed with him again? His arrogance about his prior performance? Or his conviction that Katie clearly was aiming to get the hideous Montague crest stamped on her own jewelry as the next Mrs. Montague?

"Not at all," Katie said, poisonously sweet, "after all, I'm having three-ways with Harry and Oliver, remember? Just like your good pal Rita told you."

Montague's eyes went dark. She supposed she should be proud of herself for making him jealous of such a stupid lie, but Katie wasn't fond of jealous boys. She also was not fond of Montague, and spending all her free time with his insufferable self. Why hadn't she just doubled back to the bar that night, gotten her itches out that way? In fact—inspiration struck.

"In between my bouts of shagging with Nate," Katie added, taking a long drag of wine as she watched Montague's fury rise. It was funny, the madder she made him, the more in control of this whole mess she felt.

"That Muggle?" Montague said, in a low voice.

"Yes, he called me," Katie said truthfully, making a note on the heavy disgust in Montague's voice as he said Muggle, "he wants to take me out tomorrow night."

Montague was grabbing his wine glass so tightly his knuckles were bloodless. Katie would be worried about broken glass if she actually cared about Montague at all.

"What do you mean, called you?" Montague demanded, "And what did you say?"

"On the phone," Katie said gleefully, not able to suppress a grin anymore, which made Montague's expression even worse, "I gave him my number, remember?"

She knew Montague had no idea what she meant, and his confusion and fury gladdened her heart. If she needed any more proof of what an arse Montague had always been and would always be, all she needed to witness was his rage at the thought of Katie fucking a dirty Muggle.

"And I told him I'd think about it; maybe I'll pop by with the girls again."

"You will not," Montague spat.

"Don't tell me what to do," Katie retorted, grin dropping, "You don't control me, Montague."

"And you'd like it if I started dating say, Eliana Fawley?' Montague demanded, naming the nineteen year old extremely wealthy and beautiful Slytherin pure-blood who everyone, even Katie who couldn't care less about pure-blood drama, knew was the most sought after bride for the silver and diamond set.

"A teenager?" Katie said acidly, "I thought you weren't into that?"

Montague reddened, and Katie knew she'd won already.

"By all means," Katie said, her grin returning, "date the lucky Eliana Fawley. Your parents will be thrilled. Of course, that means you get to escort her to all of the debutante balls and tea parties while she never eats and refuses to even kiss you for her virginal reputation, but you do you, Montague. I'm sure you'll find her conversation enthralling."

"Extremely," Montague said, face twitching, "the last time I saw her my grandmother shoved her at me at a ball and she spoke to me about the latest shoe trends for an hour while I longed for Potter to show up with the Aurors and kill us all."

"See?" Katie said, stabbing another bite of steak, "look what you're missing out on by talking to me! Go find her and enjoy your time discussing the hottest fall fashion, aubergine colored robes."

"Are they?" Montague said, "I do need to find a gift for my mother. It's her birthday soon."

"No," Katie said, "I made that up. But you can start a trend I suppose."

Montague's face twitched again, and then he couldn't help himself anymore and he grinned. "All right you've got me," he said, "I'd rather stab my wand into my own eardrums then date Eliana Fawley."

"Just say it," Katie said, "no one entertains you like I do."

Montague was still smiling, but there was something very peculiar in his eyes that she couldn't pinpoint.

"No one entertains me like you do," he said dutifully, "so that's why I can't keep getting into brawls to keep other men off of you, Bell."

"No one said you had to," Katie said, and Montague seemed to take this as some sort of declaration of her interest in him, relaxing and reverting to his more charming persona while they spent the next few minutes politely talking. Katie's mind, however, wandered to that Muggle bartender. Perhaps she would give him a call back.

"You should wear an aubergine colored dress to my mother's birthday dinner party," Montague said casually, as they waited for a dessert. Katie had insisted she needed chocolate cake and Montague, as usual, had taken it too far and ordered three different desserts, one of which had extraneous gold flakes in the icing.

"Am I coming to your mother's birthday dinner party?" Katie asked, confused.

Montague pausing while sipping his pretentious brandy, his eyebrows raised. He watched her for a moment with an expectant expression.

"What?" Katie asked, even more confused. "Are you also coming to my match next weekend? Wearing the Mr. Katie Bell shirt in glitter?" She waited for the jest back.

There was a flash of something in Montague's eyes, and she wondered if it was disappointment, decided that made no sense, and got distracted by the arrival of their desserts.

"I didn't get my shirt made," Montague said lightly, "send it to me via owl, will you Bell? Along with my box tickets?"

"Yeah of course," Katie jibed, taking an enormous hunk of chocolate cake. "What size do you wear?"

"Medium," Montague said, "if you want to see my biceps and manly abs, that is."

"Always," Katie said after trying a bite of the strawberry chocolate cheesecake.

"And I'll get you that aubergine dress," Montague said, "for my mother's birthday."

"Make sure it's short," Katie said, "really tight, too. Got to show some cleavage."

"Definitely not dress robes," Montague agreed, also taking a bite of the cheesecake.

"And you promised me rubies," Katie said, feeling alive. She hated that trading barbs with Montague made her feel so energized, but she couldn't deny that it did.

"Rubies with an aubergine colored dress?" Montague said, "For shame, Bell. I'll send you the silver and amethysts, of course."

"The tiara? How lovely," Katie said, "make sure to have a bottle of whiskey for when your family passes out from the shame."

Montague's smile dropped again, and then reappeared.

"I expect my ticket, Bell," he warned, "I hope you know I'm not joking. And I'll send Sassy out to get you a worthy purple dress."

"You do that," Katie said casually.

"I will," Montage vowed.

Katie, fool that she was, took a bite of the whipped mouse, not looking at Montague's determined expression. It would, of course, be her doom.