"Everyone liked pink," said Kate. "I guess that was when I started to want to be different. Started with colors. If girls liked pink then I was going to like yellow. Sort of an in-between of being girly and a complete rejection of femininity."
Simon ran his hand along her back, distracting himself in the smoothness of her skin. "Is that why you had a yellow dress in your closet?"
Kate twisted to look back at him, her face lit in a suspicious smile. She shifted so that she was flatter on her stomach, holding her upper body up slightly on her elbows. "You were never supposed to see that dress."
He traced the dip of her spine, throwing her a glance. "Maybe you should have hidden it better."
Kate's eyes narrowed and her smile widened. "You're a… son of a bitch." She looked away from him, gazing up at the bookcase next to her. She pointed. "Do you know what those are?"
Simon looked up from what he was doing, falling back further on his side next to her and gripping his hair as he supported himself on one elbow. "Energy detectors. And a board game."
Kate laughed, dropping her head down so that her hair fell over her face. "Yeah. A board game." She raised herself again, pulling her hair back over one shoulder. "It's called an Ouija board. Supposedly you can talk to ghosts with it."
Simon nodded, the information coming to him. "It requires two or more participants and the spirit communicates by influencing the planchet, causing it to move and spell out messages." He looked at Kate who was picking at the fabric of the pillow in front of her. "Have you used it?"
Kate glanced at him, her hazel eyes lighting up in the yellow glow of the room. "Once, when I was a kid. We thought the boat house was haunted."
"Did you get a response?" said Simon. He leaned over again, running his hand along the delicate edge of her shoulder blade.
"Not one that I would believe," said Kate. She shifted slightly and Simon observed how her body flexed, the structure of her frame tensing and relaxing. "Pretty sure Ted was moving it. It kind of ruins the fun knowing that your friend is the one moving it, or you just sit there forever staring at your hands."
"So you don't believe in ghosts," said Simon.
Kate shook her head. "No, I don't believe in ghosts."
"Do you believe in spirits?" said Simon.
"I'm pretty sure those are the same as ghosts."
"What about the soul?"
He saw Kate turn slightly, her expression somewhat surprised. When she looked at him her eyes were narrowed in a way that made Simon think she was studying him. She tilted her head, a faint smile on her lips. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."
Simon shifted himself closer to her so he could move his fingers over the tops of her shoulders. "Isn't a ghost simply a disembodied soul?"
Kate's body tensed as she let out a breath of laughter through her nose. "Are you trying to convince me that ghosts are real?"
"I'm only trying to make a logical argument based on the information you provided," said Simon. He slid his hand along her back as she turned towards him, raising herself up so that she was eye-level with him. She pressed a thumb and two fingers to his chin, making him look at her.
"Simon?" she said in a tense tone. He turned his head slightly to let her know he acknowledged her. Then she moved into him, closing her mouth against his as she breathed in against his skin. Simon took in the closeness of her, letting her touch sweep through him. She paused, her nose brushing his.
"Don't try to be logical," she said against his mouth.
She moved back down, resting on her elbows and leaving Simon momentarily stunned. He settled back down next to her, the nervous thrill returning to him. He was still adjusting to this new change in her, as though she had fallen into a dark place only to rise up again even greater than she was before. It was startling but breathtaking. He couldn't be sure how long this would last, but he desperately wanted to lose himself in this feeling of safety as much as he could.
He traced his finger along her back again as she looked further down the bookshelves. She shook her head. "Honestly, I haven't read any of these. People just started giving me books for my birthday when they heard I was into Game of Thrones. I could have just thrown them out but my mom said that would just make everyone feel bad. Not that they would ever know."
Simon nodded towards a large bottle on the shelf even though he knew Kate couldn't see him do it. "Why do you have a bottle of sand?"
"Thanks for the appreciation," said Kate. Simon was silent, then Kate turned and looked at him with a sideways smile. "It's sand art. You know, where you layer different colored sand in a bottle to make a scene?"
Simon narrowed his eyes at her, then looked back up at the bottle. "What scene is it supposed to represent?"
"It's a…a beach…"
Simon looked down at her as he ran a finger down her side. She was burying her face in the pillow and tensing away from him. Simon immediately stopped, resting his hand on her shoulder to gently lift her. "Kate? Kate, what's wrong?"
He moved back slightly as she raised her head, and Simon was shocked by her wide grin. She let out a heavy sigh and straightened. "Are you doing that on purpose?" she said.
Simon blinked as he looked at her. "Doing what?"
"You're─ that tickles." She flattened herself and brought her arms underneath her pillow, laying her head on them. She bit her lip as she looked up at him.
Simon glanced at his hand, closing it. "I'm sorry. Do you want me to stop?"
A thrilled energy lit up her hazel eyes, and the corner of her mouth tensed in a sideways smile. "What do you think?"
He gazed at her for a moment, a subtle uncertainty shooting through him only to vanish instantly at the way she was looking at him. Then he leaned further into her, running his hand down the length of her back and observing how she arched herself, her eyes closing and a gentle groan leaving her.
She drew in a deep breath, her body relaxing. "Okay, pick something else," she said.
Simon looked up, scanning the furniture in the room. "There are a lot of low-quality ceramic items," he said. "Some of them are broken."
Kate pressed a hand to her face so that Simon wasn't able to read her expression. "Are you talking about the elephant, that candle in a cup, the horse… those things?"
"Yes."
"Oh god. Why did you─ okay." Kate let out a sigh and lowered her hand, although Simon could still see that her eyes were clenched shut as though she were straining against something. "So… my parents thought it would be a good idea to test out my artistic skills and sent me to a pottery class. I think it was just their way of getting rid of me for a few hours. But they had us work with clay. Told us to make whatever we wanted. We all made the candle in a cup, but I wanted to make animals. So I made blobs, painted them and called them animals."
Simon gazed at the ceramic figures, doing his best to identify most of them. He drew his hand up along her side and across her shoulder blade, stirring another sigh from her. "How old were you?" he asked.
"Um, four? I think."
A strange feeling coursed through him as he pictured Kate as a small child, bent over a table of messy pottery clay. It was incredibly difficult to imagine considering the grown version was lying completely naked under his hands, flexing her slender body as he continued to run his fingers over her skin. He gazed down at her, finding himself appreciating in greater detail the features of her face and body. Her eyes were still closed, her head turned to the side so that he could only see one closed eye and arched eyebrow under the edge of her messy brown hair, the clear line of her nose and the angled detail of her lips. Her jawline was sharp, matching the line of her shoulder which was drawn up as she lay on her arms. He let his gaze continue down the tapered shape of her body, the curve of her breast just visible underneath her thin frame, and to the delicate ridge of her hip. She was tensing her legs slightly, crossing them and bringing them up a bit before lowering them down again against the blankets. She was unbelievably beautiful, and Simon took the time to absorb the moment and every detail in it as if he would never see her this beautiful again.
Her eye opened and she gazed sideways at him, a scrutinizing smile on her face. "Is that everything?"
Simon shook his head to pull himself back to reality. He lowered himself down further to her as he slid his hand along her hip. "Did you enjoy Polly Pocket as a child?"
"Oh my god." Kate raised herself up slightly as she picked up her pillow, slammed herself flat on the bed and planted the pillow over her head. "I changed my mind," she said, her voice muffled. "I can't do this anymore."
"You have a whole shelf dedicated to Polly Pocket collectibles," said Simon. Kate was shaking underneath his hand, and he could barely hear her faint laughter under the pillow. "You must have spent a lot of time with them."
Kate drew her head up from under her pillow, her hair a hopeless mess. She brushed it back from her face as she looked at him, her eyebrows drawn and a humiliated smile pulling at her lips. "When I said I'd tell you everything, I didn't think you'd start with the hardest fucking questions." She laid her head back down on the pillow, and if it hadn't been for her wide smile, Simon would have been nervous. Instead, a warm elation was flowing through him. It had been a long time since he'd seen her this happy. In fact, he'd worried that he would never see her as happy as she was the day he'd named Spot. This was far better.
He leaned forward, brushing her hair back from her face, and closed his mouth against her neck. She moved underneath him, drawing in a breath and turning slightly towards him. The feeling of her losing control underneath him filled him with a surge of confidence. He trailed his lips up to her ear, letting his hand smooth along her side as he went.
"Answer the question, Kate," he said softly.
Kate let out a breath under him. "God damn it…"
Simon couldn't help his smile as he raised himself, leaning back onto his elbow and running his hand along her back. Kate had brought herself back up slightly, pressing her forehead in her hand.
"Yes," she said through clenched teeth. "You need me to say it, fine. I played with Polly Pocket as a kid. Go to hell. Next."
Simon let out a breath of laughter as he gazed along the wall, his eyes falling to the corner of the room. He traced the curve of her ribs with his fingers. "Do you play the guitar?"
"Finally." Kate shifted back onto her elbows, bringing her hands up in front of her and rubbing them together. "Yeah, I taught myself how to play in middle school. I mean, I guess everyone did. You were either in a band, in the school band, doing tech support for the school band, or beating up everyone who was in any kind of band. I only play acoustic though, and no picks. Picks are for losers."
Simon gazed at the detail of the guitars, admiring the pride in Kate's voice. "Were you ever beat up?"
Kate shook her head. "No, people were pretty nice to me. Also, I guess it's kind of hard for people to hate you when you don't have friends in the first place."
He looked sideways at her as she picked at the fabric of the pillow again. Her face was hidden by her brown hair which had fallen forward. He paused his hand movement, a strange melancholy flowing through him. "Why didn't you have friends?"
Kate raised her head, and Simon could see that her face was clear, her expression blank. "Well, I guess I should rephrase that," said Kate. "There were lots of people who considered me a friend. I mean, I wasn't the loner who sat by themselves at lunch, walked home from school alone, that sort of thing. But, I was never really part of a group. I just kind of floated from area to area and if someone invited me in I guess I'd sit and watch people talk to eachother. And if no one did, then I'd just default to the library. Same story there, just quieter."
A subtle tension was growing in Simon's chest as he listened to her. He gazed down at her back, smoothing his thumb in slow circles over a single spot. "Were you ever lonely?"
He felt her rise slightly as she sighed. She was quiet for a while, and Simon could sense the tension in her body. Finally he saw her lift her head up, adjusting herself further onto her elbows. "All the time," she said. "I never understood how people just… tolerated eachother. And not just tolerate but they actually developed these sort of understandings between eachother like it was some kind of rule. Monica is best friends with Andrea. Denise is best friends with Sharon but Sharon is also best friends with Jessica. Monica and Denise can't be in the same room because they hate eachother. How the hell does that even start? Why does it have to be that black and white? It just confused the shit out of me. But the more I tried to figure out why things were that way, it made me wonder why I didn't apply to them. I guess it made me wonder if there was something wrong with me."
Simon gazed at the arch in her shoulders, a subtle sad energy burning in his chest. He moved closer over her, running his hand carefully along the valley in between her shoulder blades. Kate shifted under him, letting out a slow breath.
"The epilepsy didn't help," she said. "I mean, there's nothing better than being around a bunch of people you don't know and randomly falling on your face, knocking their shit over, having them stand over you staring like a bunch of idiots because they don't know what the hell to do. Made it kind of hard to pick who you wanted to torture most for that day."
Her back dropped slightly as she breathed out a frustrated sigh. Simon lowered himself with her, his mouth just inches from her soft skin as he ran his fingers over it.
"Then there were the boys." Kate laughed, her shoulders tensing. "God, that was a hopeless situation. They don't tell you in sex ed that girls and guys go through these phases of just… utter desperation. Your life becomes this total cringe-worthy romance novel except there's no plot and you don't get the guy at the end. You just suffer until you're so emotionally destroyed that you give up after about five years. At least that's for girls pretty much right after puberty. Guys couldn't care less. Then after the girls are all through it and moved on, the guys go through the same damn thing. Except girls don't care anymore, so it's the same, just reversed."
Simon was hardly listening now as he tilted his head against her back, feeling the smoothness of her skin against his cheek as he continued to run his hand down her spine. He closed his eyes as he took in the sounds of her body, the deep beating of her heart and the soft draw of her breath. The workings of a very different interior than his own mechanized design.
"I've never told anyone this," said Kate. "I um… I had crushes. Two guys actually. The first guy was this absolute prick that everyone hated. He was ugly too. God he was so ugly. He was insanely tall and his teeth were just a total mess. I guess that's why I picked him. Because I knew no one else would have a crush on a guy like that. He never even had a clue I liked him. Kind of a good thing."
Simon closed his mouth against her skin, the faint taste of salt and copper causing his heart to race. He moved his hand along her back as he slowly climbed towards her shoulder blades, pressing his mouth against her. Kate shifted underneath him, and let out a soft breath.
"The second─ hmm─" Kate's body tensed, and Simon felt a wave of satisfaction at the tremor in her voice. "The second guy was a nobody. Some soccer player with probably no other hobby. I didn't even know his name. I didn't─ mmm ─ I didn't bother. One of the girls I knew was friends with him. I saw her talking to him one day and saw her point in my direction. I couldn't hear much but I definitely heard him say 'hell no.' I… I guess─" Kate let out a soft moan and drew a sharp breath in through her teeth as Simon moved further over her back, closing his mouth against her shoulder. He felt Kate's hand slide into his hair and she breathed out heavily. "─maybe that's why I've always been single…"
He lowered himself against her, one hand gripping her shoulder as he pressed his mouth to her neck. Her hand clenched in his hair and released slowly as her body moved underneath him. He let her turn over, and she rolled onto one shoulder so that she pressed her back up against his chest. She breathed heavily as she turned her head up towards him, gazing at him over her shoulder. Despite himself, Simon felt an overwhelming electric sensation fall over his body. She was still beautiful, no matter what position she was in.
Kate's mouth spread in a smile as she looked up at him. His heart skipped a beat, making him worry for a moment that his thirium pump had malfunctioned. He could hardly believe she was looking at him like this, her expression completely saturated in sweet joy. She bit her lip, and Simon thought his heart would burst.
"Are you enjoying yourself back there?" she said.
Simon held himself over her, wrapping himself around her body and holding her neck in his hand. He smoothed his thumb over her cheek, a satisfying charge flowing through him as he gazed into her hazel eyes. He smiled. "What do you think?"
Kate opened her mouth as if to speak, seeming to struggle for a moment as she stared at him. Then she let out a breath of laughter, her mouth tensing into a smile. Simon ran his thumb over her lips as he gazed down at her, losing himself in how perfect she looked when she smiled. He was so used to her frustrated and worried expressions. They altered her features in such a dramatic way, making her into someone very different than the person lying underneath him. But the way she smiled, her eyes full of confident energy as they wrinkled at the corners, her cheeks rising and the pull of her lips drawing every feature into the essence of pure joy… it was unbelievable. And what was even more unbelievable was the fact she was doing it because of him.
She raised herself up slightly, and her nose brushed his as he felt her mouth open against his lips. A flash of powerful energy shot through him as he almost took it, and he barely let his mouth touch hers before he drew back slightly, causing her to rise up in an attempt to chase him. A satisfying pleasure fell over him as he felt her breathe against his mouth, and he lowered himself only to pull back again as she made to take his mouth once more. Her hot breath warmed his lips and he felt her smile as she moved into him. The feel of her most precious expression against his skin nearly caused his system to scramble in euphoria, and he found himself breathing a soft breath of laughter against her as he let her rise up, her mouth closing into his.
He breathed in, holding her neck gently as he lost himself in the taste of her mouth. She pressed her hand into the back of his and rolled over a bit to face up towards him as she drew in a breath, taking his mouth again. He found himself lowering down as he twisted into her, the passionate energy he felt in the movement of her body rendering him almost numb. There was no hesitation, no uncertainty. Not even a hint of nervousness in how she was giving herself to him. It filled him with a profound comfort and longing. He wanted her to stay like this forever.
She relaxed down onto the pillows and Simon held himself over her, resting his forehead against hers as he ran his fingers gently through her hair to bring it behind her ear. He could feel her fingertips brushing the backs of his knuckles as he worked, and he raised himself slowly back onto his elbow. Kate gazed up at him, her hazel eyes glinting in the golden light. A jolt of excitement went through him as he watched her bite her lower lip, a behavior he was beginning to learn was a betrayal to her self control.
"Are we done with questions then?" she asked.
Simon smiled as he gazed down at her and continued to brush her hair through his fingers, the need to touch her face overwhelming him. She was watching him expectantly, her eyes drifting over him in a way that made him wonder if she was experiencing the same elation that he was in admiring her. He wanted to lose himself in her again. To draw her into him and begin that madenning journey of chaos and sensation where they were as close to one physical body as they could ever be. A part of her was waiting for him there. He'd felt it when his system nearly burst from her blinding release, every last neural pathway igniting his sensors. It wouldn't take much to find his way to it. All he needed to do was not stop himself.
Which was what he found himself doing. He breathed out heavily as he gazed at her, the patient spark in her eyes tempting him to let everything go. As a compromise, he satisfied himself in the touch of her hair and the smooth texture of her skin in order to keep himself grounded. There was still so much he needed to know from her. This was important. And as much as he wanted to distract himself in the feel of her wanting him, he was going to have to disappoint her a little bit longer.
He lowered his gaze, running the tip of his finger down the side of her neck. "Why didn't you tell me about your father?"
The question was difficult to ask, and probably would be even harder for Kate to answer. It included several different questions combined into one, and Simon could see that she realized it as her face softened. He tried not to let it break him as her eyes lost their warmth, becoming more round and serious. Her throat worked, and she looked away from him. It was impossible to tell if she was upset with him for asking, angry at herself, or a combination of both. But Simon held himself strong as he waited for her to reply, calming himself by holding her neck and smoothing his thumb along the delicate angles of her throat. He needed to know, and she needed to answer.
A slight relief swept over him as she closed her eyes, and he felt her thread her fingers through the back of his, her soft palm pressing against his knuckles. She drew in a deep breath. "Because I didn't want him to matter," she said.
If Simon's confusion was visible, she acknowledged it. She pressed his hand to her mouth, her eyes still closed as she seemed to hesitate. Then she turned her head to look up at him, and the trust he saw in her hazel eyes removed any last worries he was feeling for asking her.
"I was an idiot," she said, a miserable smile tugging at her lips. "Thinking we could come here and not have to deal with people. My dad. Androids. I guess I was an even bigger idiot to think my dad wouldn't try to get in the middle of everything. I just thought if I could pretend he didn't exist then he wouldn't, and I wouldn't have to think about what I was doing." She let out a tense breath of air. "Old habits die hard."
Simon carefully closed his hand, bringing her fingers tighter through his own. "There was no record of him in your contact list. No address, no phone number. Not even a mention of him in your social network."
Kate nodded, a subtle pride glowing in her face. "Yeah, I killed him pretty good. He tried to stay in touch with me at the beginning but after a while I think he got the message that I wasn't his daughter anymore. He was still hellbent on sending me money for holidays and stuff, paying for my tuition, birthday cards and things. I figured if I just let him do what he wanted as long as he didn't try to contact me, eventually he'd just forget about me. I don't know why he didn't. Obviously he found himself a new family and a new daughter."
A frustrating sorrow ached in his chest at her words. He narrowed his brows and pressed his mouth to her shoulder. "What happened to make you hate your father like this?"
He could feel the tension in her body even though he couldn't see her expression. She shifted, and Simon raised himself as she rolled onto her back underneath him, still avoiding his gaze. He laid partway on top of her, his hand against her neck and his thumb running along her cheek as he looked at her. He didn't like how uncomfortable she was acting, and wished he could bring her back to the feeling that made her smile for him. At the same time, he held onto everything she said with powerful focus.
"When I was thirteen," said Kate, and Simon noted a deep anguish in her voice, "my mom dragged me into the living room and said my dad had something he wanted to tell me. I kind of already knew what it was. I mean, I was a smart kid. Rich dad, works for CyberLife, almost never home and when he is home he's still too busy to act like he has a wife and daughter. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he'd been doing. I guess that makes my mom an imbecile because she acted like she had no clue. She just started screaming at him before he had a chance to say anything… yelling about why she wasn't good enough, how he could do this to his daughter, how this was the reason for every problem they'd ever had even before I was born. She was screaming about things that didn't even make sense. And I just sat there in total shock not knowing what the hell to say. So she took that as a sign that I was siding with him, and she started yelling at me to make a choice of who I'd rather have as a parent."
Her eyes narrowed, and Simon could almost see her memories reflected in them. "I was pissed off, confused, terrified… I told her on the spot that I chose my dad. Thought it would shut her up at least but it didn't. She just yelled at him about how he'd corrupted me and was teaching me that this was a good thing. That I was a piece of shit human being and it was his fault. She didn't convince me but she convinced my dad." Kate breathed out a heavy sigh and rested her hand against her face, her eyes tightly closed. "So that's why I hate my mom."
Simon was silent as he gazed at her, a deep dread growing in him. Kate adjusted herself, and drew in a breath. "About a year later, mom's gone. I'm with dad. Cue the new broad he'd been seeing because now she's living with us and I'm trying to pretend that it's not awkward as hell that he's basically replaced my mom with the woman he was cheating on her with. This… skinny ass barbie of a chick, probably about five years older than I was and half the maturity. I fought with my dad all the time. Tried to tell him I didn't blame him. He wasn't weak. These things happen. But that he needed to leave her and figure his shit out if he was going to have a chance at being happy again."
Kate tensed her eyebrows, her eyes still closed. The frustration was lined in her face, and Simon felt his dread morph into a deep pain at the sight of her expression. "This time, it's his girlfriend who pulls me into the living room," said Kate. "So I sit down in the same fucking spot, hear this woman complain about the same fucking shit, and I do the same fucking thing. I don't say a word, and neither does my dad. And she tells my dad to choose. Choose between her or his daughter."
Kate's eyes opened, and her expression became dark. She tensed her jaw, her neck flexing as she stared off in thought. Simon found himself drawing back from her slightly at this worrying energy.
Kate shook her head. "You know those movies where the bitch of a girlfriend tells the father it's either her or his kids, and the dad always chooses his kids and they all drive off into the sunset while the bitch girlfriend stands there pissed off? That didn't happen." Kate shifted slightly, and Simon felt her fingers flex between his. "He looked in my face. Right in my fucking face. And he said he wanted her."
Simon wasn't sure how to absorb her words as she let out another deep breath and looked away from him. He ran his thumb over her knuckles and gazed to the side at the pillow next to her. In a miserable way, it made sense to him. He could see it all in her, a collection of the isolation, distrust, nihilism, and self-hatred that seemed to fit into what she was saying. It was as though the confusing pieces of her personality were coming together into one solid form.
Kate let out a breath that Simon recognized as miserable laughter. "So I told my dad to go fuck himself, left everything behind here, and I mean─" She motioned with her hand which was still laced in the back of Simon's so that he raised it with her. "─everything. Basically started a new life at my mom's. Even switched high schools which sucked. I went straight into college afterwards. I didn't even take a summer break, I just packed up and moved into the first empty dorm I could find with the least amount of rooms. Jamie moved in a few days after I did and um…" Kate's eyes flashed in his direction, and he was comforted by the gentle look she gave him as she shrugged her shoulders. "You know the rest."
Simon was quiet as he held himself over her. He could feel her watching him, her hand flexing against his as she drew her fingers deeper into the spaces between his. He wasn't sure that she wanted him to say anything to her, or what he even could say if she did. It was hard to picture Richard making that kind of decision considering what Simon knew of him. The man clearly loved his daughter. And there was a kind of chemistry between Richard and Kate that told Simon Kate still loved her father. But at the same time, Kate's silence about her father and the hesitation he'd seen before they arrived was enough to convince Simon that there was something horribly wrong in their history. Her story proved it.
Kate's fingers escaped his, drawing his attention back to her as she turned her hand to take his fully. Her expression was blank, her hazel eyes locked on his hand as she smoothed her fingers across his palm. He watched her as she seemed to study his hand, pressing her palm flat against his and splaying her fingers out so that he mimicked her movements. A strange feeling coursed through him as he repeated her story in his mind. There were so many things for her to be angry about. So many reasons why she was as introverted and withdrawn as she was. She'd taken those things which had broken her as a teenager and turned them into strengths as an adult. Those very strengths which Simon had come to admire and learn from in his evolution from machine into what he hoped was his own personality. They'd been seeded under terrible circumstances which he would never have wished on anyone, least of all her. But had they not been, she wouldn't be the same person that was underneath him now with the touch of her hand threatening to make his system overheat.
He saw Kate move forward, and she touched the tip of her nose to his own. "So, Dr. Simon," she said, resting back down. Her sideways smile was back, and Simon felt a wave of elation wash over him at the energetic spark in her hazel eyes. "Is there any hope for me or should I just dye my hair black, throw on the eyeliner and start cutting my wrists?"
Simon let out a nervous breath of laughter as he gazed down at her, opening his hand up so that he could trap hers in it more effectively. The dread in his chest was mixing strangely with something that he couldn't quite identify. It made him restless, and he brought her hand up to his mouth so that he could press it to his lips, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply as he lost himself in the touch of her skin. He wanted to do more. He wanted to take it all from her. A cascade of electricity fell over him as he let go of her hand and moved into her, gripping her shoulder as he closed his mouth against her forehead. She pressed into his chest as he rolled over onto his back, taking her with him by the shoulder so that she fell into the space at his side, her leg drawn up on his thigh and her head resting on his shoulder as she smoothed her hand along his chest. Simon wrapped his arms around her, one hand clutching her shoulder and the other holding her neck as he breathed into the top of her hair.
The dread stabbed at him, and he pulled her tighter into him. "I'm sorry this happened to you," he said.
Kate was silent for a moment, although he could still feel her fingers brushing his chest. "This?"
He shifted slightly so that he pressed his cheek to her forehead. "This. Everything. Your father, your mother, Jamie, Matt─"
"Don't you dare say you," said Kate, and he could feel her tense up into him.
Simon sighed and ran his hand along her arm. "As heartfelt as your story was about your parents, I might rank being intimate with your android and running away from the law for him up in that category─"
Kate raised herself, and Simon found himself gazing into her intense hazel eyes as he felt her hand against his neck.
"You are nowhere near that level of absolute shit," she said, and the sternness in her voice caused Simon's heart to race. She tightened her grip on him. "All I've ever dealt with are people who manipulate me, who judge me and blame me for everything that's wrong in their lives. My mom thinks I'm a shit human being. My dad chose a piece of ass over his own daughter. Jamie and Matt fucked behind my back and then abandoned me. Simon, you─" She shook her head as she looked at him, her eyes lit in a frantic energy. "─you're the only person who's ever just believed in me. Just accepted me for the broken mess that I am. You picked the worst person in the world to fall for and I'll never understand why. I'm never going to deserve what you've done for me."
Kate dropped her gaze, and Simon recognized the pain on her face. "After what I did, what I said… this is why you're better than any human ever will be. Because no one would put up with me. No one has put up with me. You shouldn't either. I shouldn't be here, laying with you, and feeling like I'm something that matters─"
"Kate, stop," said Simon.
"You can't just keep pushing this aside─"
"You don't have to do this."
"Yes, I do." Kate was holding herself up over him now, her hair falling over one shoulder as she gazed down at him. "I have to say this because if I don't I'm going to hate myself more and more every day until I forget why I let myself think I had a chance with this. I've been horrible to you, Simon. Since the first day you showed up at my door, when I shut you down, treated you like some broken toaster that wasn't worth fixing…" She traced the crack above his eye with one finger. "I couldn't even bother to give you a name. And after everything you've done. Everything you've felt and said. The person─ the actual person you've become… I almost let you go. I was going to give up on all of this and try to go back to a normal life. The life you think I deserve but you don't realize I already have. I hate that I felt nothing when I first met you. I hate that I've doubted you every step of the way here. I hate what I said earlier about you not being human like you're less of a person because of it. Simon, I'm─"
"Kate─"
"─I'm sorry, Simon," said Kate. Both of her hands were on him now, her thumbs pressed against his cheeks. "I'm so sorry. God I'm so sorry. I don't know how to make you believe I won't try to leave you like that again so this is all I can do is tell you how sorry I am." She moved into him, and Simon felt her forehead press against his as her hair fell forward around his face. "I'm so sorry."
A sweet shock held him in place as he held onto Kate's waist. There was a cathartic peace after hearing what she'd said, although he was still troubled by the fact that she needed to say it. He didn't want her to feel ashamed. She was here with him now, and that was all that mattered. But as she pulled away, her pained hazel eyes meeting his, Simon was taken aback by the slight relief on her face. It occurred to him that her apology was as important to him as it was for her, and that he needed to let her say it even if he didn't need to hear it.
He pushed himself up, wrapping his arms around her waist and he pulled her into him. She let out a breath as she slid her arms over his shoulders and ran her fingers through his hair, burying her face in his neck. Simon closed his eyes as he held her tightly to him, his hand pressed firmly in between her shoulder blades and the shampoo scent of her hair nearly overwhelming him. He could feel her breath shake against his neck, and he slid his hands tighter around her to reassure her. A satisfying serenity was falling over him as he held her against him, and he could feel her body relax. This was the last time he ever needed to see her so remorseful for not giving him enough. Anything she could give was as precious to him as the thirium in his veins. Although, as he felt her hands drift through his hair and her body tensed around him, he couldn't help but be glad she was willing to give him more.
She drew her hands to his shoulders and moved back in front of him, her gaze lowered and her face tense as she seemed to compose herself. Simon tilted his head and brushed her hair back behind her ear, a nervous concern floating through him. When she looked up, her hazel eyes brightened and she blew a bit of hair out of her face so that it flew up into the air. Before Simon could do anything, she fell forward against his chest, causing him to drop back down onto the bed.
"Alright, now are we done with your questions?" Her voice was somewhat muffled as though she had her hand pressed to her face.
Simon breathed out a laugh, partly out of joy and part from relief. He turned his head and pressed his mouth into her forehead as she settled back into the shape of him at his side. "We can be done for now," he said.
"Good," she said. He felt her hand against his chest and she made slow circles against his skin with her finger. He was just beginning to relax into her when she shifted and made a noise. "Actually, I've got some questions for you."
He turned his head slightly, somewhat stunned. Her hand stopped moving, and he felt her look up at him. "Simon, are you… nervous?" she said.
He tensed his shoulders and then relaxed them as he tried to calm his heart. "A little."
Kate laughed into his neck, her body drawing up around him. A wave of relief swept over him, followed by elation at the feel of her laughing against him. He couldn't help his own smile as he pulled her further into him, and her hand went back to making circles on his chest.
"Don't worry, they're stupid questions," she said. He felt her give her head a small shake, and he could swear she was biting her lip again. "What are you… what are you doing when you're standing but you have your eyes closed?"
It took Simon a moment to understand what she meant. "I'm dreaming," he said.
Kate's hand stopped again. She tilted her head. "You're dreaming."
"Mhm."
"I thought you said androids don't dream."
"Well." He picked up her hand and pressed his palm against hers, moving her fingers the way she had done to him. "Androids also don't feel or want, or choose to ignore protocol."
"Okay, okay I get it." Kate seemed to be mesmerized by what Simon was doing with her hand. "What do you dream about?"
"Star Trek, the university, Spot." He slid his fingers through hers, clasping her hand gently. "Moments like this."
Kate let out a sharp breath. "God…"
Simon shifted to look down at her hair. "What?"
"Nothing, it's just─" Kate sighed and he felt her nose press into his chest. "Sometimes you can be so… god damn romantic."
He looked at her hand, running his thumb over her fingers. "I'm not trying to be."
"I know, and that makes it even more fucking romantic," she said. He felt her clench her hand slightly, and she turned her face back up again to look at it. "And the things you do with your hands…"
She seemed to get lost in his hand again, and he felt her shift against him. "Do you have sensors in your hands?" she said.
"Energy sensors," said Simon. "Similar to the technology in CT scanners." He watched Kate touch the tips of his fingers as if looking for them, and was hit by a sudden intrigue. Silently, he let the flesh fall from his hand revealing the shiny white plastic architecture underneath. Kate was frozen for a moment, and Simon wished he could see her face. Then she began to trace the design of his hands, starting at the tips of his fingers and going down to his knuckles.
"Do all androids have this?" she said. Simon shook his head.
"No. This was a specific design feature for monitoring and treating unusual brain activity. It can be used for Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and even some forms of mania."
He felt her let out a breath. "I guess I never thought about how other people have it way worse." She opened her hand and pressed it to his. "What do you see when you scan me?"
Simon thought hard about it for a moment, struggling to put the sensation of her scans into words. "Energy and neural activity."
"So you can't read my mind?"
"Not in the way I think you mean," said Simon. "I can't see images or hear voices. But depending on where the activity is, how strong, and how frequent, I can… decode it. I suppose it's similar to how you would read a book, or how I would interpret a line of code. And if I let it guide me the way my protocol would, I can… feel things."
He felt Kate turn her head. "Feel things. What kinds of things?"
"Things my system isn't capable of feeling," said Simon. "At first it was basic emotions. All androids are capable of a limited degree of all emotions, but they are strictly regulated so that the emotions don't risk interfering with protocol. When you had your seizure and I had to scan you, your emotions were erratic. I was able to analyze them, but I didn't incorporate them. I began letting you temporarily replace my programming with your own emotions when─"
He stopped himself, a sudden wave of shame burning through him. Kate closed her fingers through his, her breath hot on his skin. "When you started scanning my dreams," she said.
Simon rested his cheek against her forehead, staring off at the wall as he struggled to speak. After a while, he felt Kate move against him.
"My dreams taught you how to feel," she said.
He nodded. "They taught me want and desire."
He felt her mouth tense, and he knew she was smiling. She slid her hand over his and pressed it to his chest. "So now you can feel everything a human can feel."
"Well, not everything." A nervous twinge crept through him, although he wasn't entirely sure why. "There are still certain things I… need you for."
Kate drew in a breath against his skin, and he could tell she was still smiling. "Like what?"
"Like…" Again, Simon felt himself stuck in a strange hesitation. He swallowed, and forced himself past it. "... sexual pleasure."
He felt Kate open her mouth as if she were about to say something. Then she closed it, and he heard the familiar breath of silent laughter. The nervous twinge was beginning to turn into anxiety but this time there was something oddly pleasant about it.
Kate let out another breath, and her smile was strong against his chest. "Are you saying I literally have to turn you on?"
Simon tried to speak, and found that he had to put more effort into it than he anticipated. "The emotions involved are… complicated. And the effect they have on the body is profound. My software by default included intercourse but I'm beginning to find it easier to… let myself go, so to speak." He was aware of Kate making slow circles again on his chest, and the feel of her fingers on his skin was unusually sensitive this time. He tensed his shoulders in an attempt to calm himself. "Androids don't procreate. They have no need for stimulation other than what they can imitate when a human requests it. So there is no software in place for pleasure. I've had to create that on my own."
Kate rose up slightly, supporting herself on one elbow. "So… but you can feel, right?" She looked at him as she circled her fingers on his chest.
Simon let out a small laugh. "Yes, I can feel."
She slid her hand down his stomach and brought it up again, sending an unexpected wave of numbing electricity through him as she moved over him. Simon tensed as she pulled her hair back behind her ear, gazing over him. "So what does this feel like?" she said.
Simon breathed out sharply, scrambling for a decent answer. Before he could give her one, her head went down and he felt her mouth on his chest, her hands moving down his waist.
"What do you feel?" she said barely above a whisper as she pressed her lips to his skin. He immediately felt his system heat up, his thirium pump going into overdrive driven by the touch of her mouth. The sheer power Kate had over him was enough to nearly send him into shock. She was toying with him, and he couldn't believe it was working.
Her mouth moved further down, closing against his stomach and creating that debilitatingly satisfying wet sound. Simon let out a deeper breath than he thought possible, running his hands into Kate's hair as he felt his body involuntarily flex. The fact that he was reacting this strongly without drawing from her own experience left him stunned and in some way thrilled. He avoided the temptation to let the flesh fall from his hand, letting her touch carry him forward.
She breathed out and her breath warmed his skin as she continued to move down, her hands smoothing over his hips. "What─" She closed her mouth just above his groin, and Simon's breath shook as he closed his eyes. She opened her mouth against his skin. "─do you feel?"
Still fighting for an answer, he raised his pelvis up slightly as she pressed her lips to him again. Electric shockwaves were flowing through him, causing him to clench his hands into her hair a bit harder than he otherwise would have. He couldn't stop moving. Somehow he feared that if he stopped, she would stop.
His system jolted as he felt her teeth on his skin, and a low groan escaped him. She was partially laying across him now, her hand trailing up his stomach towards his chest. She breathed out against him. "Tell me…"
Simon drew in a deep breath as he fought to regain control of his system. The electric cascade slowed somewhat, and a strange peace fell over him. As he felt his body drop deeper into the sheets, he relaxed his hands in Kate's hair, his mind coming into clearer focus and taking in the details of her mouth and hands. He let out his breath in one deep sigh. "I feel… you."
Kate seemed to freeze for a moment. A slight panic swept through him, threatening to erase the rapture she'd been creating in him. He felt her head turn, and she raised herself so that he could see her expression. Her eyes were wide in a combination of shock and something deeply powerful, her mouth open and her eyebrows slightly narrowed. As Simon frantically struggled to think of what to do to fix the situation, the corner of Kate's mouth tensed. Then she was moving up into him, her hands grasping either side of his neck as she pulled herself up and closed her mouth over his lips.
Simon gripped her waist, letting her move over him as he took in the exhilarating taste of her mouth. Her body arched into him, and she pulled away enough to rest her forehead against his.
"Do you have any idea," she said, breathing heavily, "how indescribably sexy you can be?"
Simon breathed against her mouth, brushing his nose against hers in an attempt to draw back the closeness of her. Despite himself, he let out a soft laugh. "Not at all."
He felt her shoulders drop as she let out a desperate breath of air, and he pulled her in as she took his mouth again. The almost panicked energy in her body was driving his system into a frenzy, and he fought for air with each closing of her lips as she twisted into him. He loved that he could feel how much she wanted him. He loved how she ran her fingers through his hair, her soft cries into his mouth every time he closed it over hers, how she pressed her body into his and wrapped herself around him as if she wanted to become part of him. Nothing she could say would compare to how she was proving herself to him now. He was already hopelessly convinced.
That familiar distant motivation was beginning to tug at him, and he breathed harshly against Kate's mouth as he let it grow stronger. He ran a hand down her waist and to her hip, the tension in her body sparking a surge of determination in him. With a bit more force than he intended, he gripped her thigh and pulled her onto him so that she was hovering over him, her knees on either side of his waist and her hands against his neck. For a moment, he simply held her there, breathing deeply against her mouth. Then he let himself slide his hands up along her thighs, over her hips to her waist, and back down again, taking in the way it made her wrap her arms around his neck and clench her fingers into his hair as she drew in a startled gasp against his lips. That electric cascade was washing over him again, mixing with his determination in a desperate desire that was focused only on her. She wanted him, and the frantic way she was holding onto him was enough to nearly burst his circuits as he let the powerful energy drive his own reaction to her, preparing himself to become so lost in that wonderful descent into chaos and bliss that involved only her…
The silence was punctured by a soft knocking at the door, causing Simon's system to grind to a startling halt. Kate froze over him, her body going rigid.
"Kate?" Richard's voice was muffled from beyond the door.
Simon felt Kate's hands clench on either side of his neck as she pulled back slightly. Her eyes were wide in terror, and he watched as she screamed a silent "fuck."
"One second!" She stared at Simon as if expecting some kind of solution from him. She mouthed it again, pulling herself back further. Simon was still frozen underneath her, the residual elation mixing with his panic to produce a kind of strange euphoria. Then the mattress dipped as she flung herself off of him, throwing the blankets up as she left.
Simon couldn't help but watch as she scrambled to dress. She seemed to be blinded by a mixture of confusion, panic, and her own frustration as she picked up an article of clothing only to throw it aside and destroy the neat stacks of clothes Simon had made for her on top of her dresser. A subtle intrigue was growing in him as he watched her visual thought process. She almost infuriatingly pulled on mismatched undergarments and then she couldn't seem to find a shirt in the mess of clothes she had created. Despite how close they were to unimaginable danger and the agonizing shortness of time, Simon couldn't help the smile that pulled at his mouth.
There was another knock at the door. "Kate?"
"I'll be right there!" Kate worked her arms through a blue shirt and pulled it over herself, only to yank it off again when she realized it was backwards. Simon laughed quietly as he watched her stumble forward with one arm still trapped in her shirt as she reached down and snatched her jeans off the floor. Her arm finally free, she stepped into her pants, yanking them up and giving a small hop to pull them snugly up to her hips.
She seemed to relax for a moment before her eyes fell on Simon. Then her mouth fell open and the panic that lit her face almost made his smile vanish. She moved quickly to the side of the bed, motioning frantically first to the bedroom door and then over his exposed body. Not entirely sure what she expected him to do, he simply brought his arms up and rested his hands behind his head. The look of murder in her hazel eyes sent a nervous wave through him, and for a moment he thought she would scream at him. Then she made a sharp noise, reached down and grabbed the bottom of the tangled blanket and threw it so that it covered him completely.
Something scrambled next to him and he felt something soft and heavy hit his face that he guessed was a pillow. He held perfectly still as he listened to Kate's footsteps approach the door, and the sound of the door opening.
"Hey! Hey dad, what's─ what's going on?"
"Nothing, I just wanted to check on you. You've been in your room all day and it's getting close to dinner."
"Yeah, I um… sorry I just slept in really late." Kate's voice was unnervingly forced, and Simon had to stop himself from pressing a palm to his forehead.
"Well, I was going to invite you down if you wanted to eat. I also have something for Simon. Where is he?"
A tense apprehension gripped Simon as he heard what sounded like someone gripping the door. "He's─ sorry, he's in the corner─ charging."
This time Simon couldn't stop his quiet sigh and he closed his eyes. There was a short silence.
"Uh huh. Okay, well let him know when he's done charging that I've got a new component for his broken eyebrow. Should be very simple to replace. He could do it himself if he wants."
"Oh okay." Kate let out a tense breath. "Alright, I'll be down in a minute."
"We'll see you then." The door closed, and Simon heard a soft thud against it.
He waited a few seconds before lifting his hand and pushing the blanket off of him, raising himself up onto one elbow. Kate was standing with her back against the door as if bracing it, the panic still fresh on her face. For a while she simply gazed at him, and then Simon felt his nervousness fade a bit as a smile spread across her face and her shoulders shook. He couldn't help his own quiet laughter as he watched her press a hand to her eyes, her hair falling forward.
"Jesus Christ," she said, looking back up at him. "What are we, in high school?"
Simon lowered himself back down, and he guessed from the energetic spark in her eyes that he was getting her attention in a way that she didn't seem to have time for. She let out a harsh breath and moved to the front of the bed, disappearing for a moment and then standing up with his white pants.
"Could you please put some clothes on?" she said, throwing them at him. He straightened as he collected them, and he could see her gathering more of their discarded clothing from the floor. As he pulled his pants up, he glanced at her. She had his shirt over her arm as she went through the pile of clothes on the dresser, opening up t-shirts to look at them, and then set them to the side. He watched her curiously, buttoning his pants closed and standing up from the mess of sheets to move next to her. His movement seemed to catch her attention and she looked up at him.
He reached for his shirt, and was surprised when she twisted away from him. "Hang on," she said, turning back to scramble through her clothes again. He narrowed his eyes as she straightened and held up a dark blue t-shirt with what he recognized as the Detroit University logo on the front. She seemed to contemplate it for a moment, then handed it to him.
He took it from her, and threw a confused glance at her. She sighed and turned so that she could lean back against the dresser. "Just… put it on."
"Is there something wrong with my uniform?" he asked. Kate shook her head and made a noise.
"No, I just…" She gazed up at him, and he could see the amusement in her hazel eyes. "I mean, it's not like the police are going to come arrest you for not wearing an android uniform. I just want to see you in it. Something a human would wear."
He gazed at her, letting the hope and anticipation in her expression slowly convince him. There was something thrilling in her suggestion. As if he was stepping towards another plane of change. She was right. Non-compliance with android attire specifications was the least of their worries. And somehow, the idea of no longer looking like an obvious android made him feel a sense of power. He was different, after all.
He took the shirt from her and worked his arms through it, pulling it over his head and straightening it over his body. The soft feel of the fabric was so much more different than his own neatly pressed and layered uniform. The absence of the tight blue armband on his upper right arm was the most noticeable. He felt strangely exposed without it, as if everyone was suddenly aware that he was wearing something illegal. The thought was terrifying… and then it was exciting.
He looked up to see that Kate was studying him in his new appearance. A slight smile was playing at her lips, her hazel eyes soft as they scanned up along his body. When she met his eyes, she gave a small laugh. "You…" She let out another breath, and smiled. "It looks good on you."
Simon ran a hand over his midsection in an attempt to flatten the material. "Your father will notice."
"Yeah, well." Kate moved forward and placed a hand over his so that he stopped trying to flatten the shirt. "I'm pretty sure he's not going to call the cyber police."
Simon tilted his head and smiled. "I wouldn't tempt him."
"I'm not scared of him, and you shouldn't be either." Kate's expression narrowed as she looked at him. "If he was going to turn us in, he would have done it a while ago. I'm pretty sure a t-shirt isn't going to push him over the edge."
Simon nodded, gazing at her. Then he moved forward pulling her in and letting his nose brush past hers. His sudden movement spurred a sharp breath from her, and he gave her a moment to absorb the closeness of him. She leaned into him, her mouth opening into his.
"By the way," he said gently against her mouth, feeling her stop. "Androids don't need to charge."
His smile was automatic as he felt her whole body tense. He moved into her and closed his mouth over hers, noting how she seemed not to react. When he pulled away, she was still frozen in a kind of terror, her eyes narrowed and her mouth clenched.
He ran his hand over his shirt again and moved to gather his shoes, hearing a tense sigh and one last silent "fuck" escape her.
