Chapter-One : Parenting with Veritaserum

"Hello dad," Katie said, "meet Hermione. She's going to ward the flat against dark magic users. Then Harry will come by to help. Where's mum, is she at work? I brought wine! At least I was going to. Then I drank it on the way over."

"We almost got arrested for public drunkenness," Hermione said, a long suffering note in her voice.

Bill Bell was wearing his best painting clothes; A paint stained tunic from the seventies and sweatpants patterned in egg yolks. He had a smear of pink paint on one cheek.

"Hello Hermione," Bill said, "nice to meet you. I've read all about you in the wizard papers. Good for you on all you've done! Oh, and I got your owl, thanks for the update. I take it Katie was too drunk to explain what was going on herself?"

"Yes," Hermione sighed, "Katie, get inside so I can start warding. Harry will be here soon. Nice to meet you as well, Mr. Bell."

"Bill, please," Bill said, hugging Hermione under one arm and Katie under the other, "oops! Sorry! The paint might be fresh," a streak of magenta colored a particularly wild curl on Hermione's head. "Do you want some sandwiches? I made roast chicken last night, and I can whip some up. Katie, where's your luggage?"

"Here," Hermione said, handing over a tiny beaded bag that clanged from her wrist. "I don't trust her to carry it. I'm sure you'll understand shortly." She walked in the front door, and began waving her wand around and murmuring.

"Isn't this overkill?" Katie said, "someone's been doing this to me for years, and we're acting like I'm goin to get Jack the Rippered by someone jumping out from behind a couch right now?"

"It's not Graham, is it?" Bill said to Hermione mournfully. Great. Even her father was ignoring her now. "Isla said I shouldn't fully trust how charming he's been, but your letter said a boy is committing crimes against Katie. Magic crimes." When her father said it, it almost sounded cute.

"How do we know it's a boy?" Katie asked, rummaging in a cupboard for more alcohol. Nearby, a giant pink Roman goddess stared at her judgmentally from a canvas.

"Of course it's a man," Hermione snapped, "Katie, come on."

"Hellman?" Katie tried, "Pansy Parkinson is evil too! Bellatrix Lestrange? Don't be sexist, Hermione!"

"Someone is altering your mind so they can have–" Hermione swiftly cut herself off, "Um. So they can manipulate 's clearly a man!"

"Or a woman," Katie said. "You think women don't want me too?" She was a contrary drunk. that would have to go in her trivia game. Katie Bell: Slutty contrary drunk.

"Altering your mind?" Bill said, "I thought magical crimes meant trying to cut your hair or something, pumpkin! This is serious!" Bill waved the paintbrush around like he was going to stab someone with it. He was still wearing egg patterned sweatpants, so the effect was lost more than a little

"Oh that would be worse," Katie said, "a bad haircut? Horrid." She found a bottle of wine and grabbed it with triumph. Hermione pausd in her protective spells then resumed.

"Why are they altering your mind though?" Bill demanded, "was it Graham? You said that you hated him in school. And now he's your boyfriend! That's suspicious, peanut!"

"I dumped him," Katie said, "so he's not my boyfriend anymore. He's really upset about it. Allegedly."

"It probably is him," Hermione said, "Nott said otherwise, but he's a wanker. Did you see his suit flapping about as he left, Katie?"

"Jazz Batman," Katie confirmed, then giggled drunkenly.

"I don't think I understand," Bill said carefully, "are you…have you been drinking as well, Hermione?"

"Nott is a person," Katie said, "Theodore Nott. N-O-T.T. He's a wanker to Hermione because he wants to sleep with her but I like him. Kind of. He bought me a unicorn milkshake and that was nice. But yeah, his suit did billow around like an especially prissy Batman on Broadway."

"Oh no," Bill said, "the magic crime! it's making her incoherent!" he waved the paintbrush about more, like it would suddenly do magic and fix Katie if he tried hard enough.

"It's not the potion," Hermione murmured, casting an anti hex deflection barrier spell.

"It's the alcohol," Katie agreed, "also, the feeling like my entire life is a lie. Would make anyone a bit testy and incomprehensible." At least that was what she tried to say. It came out as "incompropysyllable."

"I just convinced your mother you weren't taking drugs, too," Bill said sadly.

The fireplace, which was full of dried flowers that surely was due to Bill, burst into green flames.

Bill shrieked and jumped in front of Hermione, who was closest to it, waving the paintbrush harder.

"You would've been sorted into Gryffindor," Katie said, "interesting." she realized the wine bottle was empty. Dammit! Maybe she could talk Hermione into letting her go to the local shop to get more.

Harry fell into a pile of dried flowers with a yelp and a crunch, somersaulting onto the rug, before being whapped in the forehead by Bill's paintbrush.

"Harry!" Hermione shrieked, which Katie thought was slight overkill when the kid had defeated Voldemort at seventeen, "you're bleeding!"

"It's magenta paint," Harry said, sitting up and looking at his hand which he'd wiped on his forehead, "sorry to scare you, Mr. Bell. I'm–"

"Harry Potter!" Bill said loudly, "I recognize you from the papers! Katie's ex boyfriend!"

"Dad," Katie groaned, "I told you not to read Rita Skeeter! Mum doesn't!" her father looked guilty.

"Why am I covered in magenta paint and potpourri?" Harry asked, rubbing his arse bone and wincing.

"Why did you come through a Muggle fireplace without warning?" Katie said, "you know better than that, come on!"

"True," Harry said gloomily, "last time I visited Dudley I got a poker up my–"

"Did you find out who's doing it?" Hermione asked, "did that wanker Nott prance into your office with that stupid coat and admit who the culprit is to you, since he doesn't respect me enough to tell me who is poisoning Katie?"

"Projecting, much?" Katie said under her breath, then she laughed. Hermione glared at her, but it had been a sympathetic laugh! She understood the pain of having feelings maybe for a Slytherin twit that you shouldn't!

"Poisoning?" Bill said loudly, helping Harry stand and brushing crushed flowers off of his arse.

"I mean he could tell me," Katie said, "since it's my life and brain and waffle, after all."

"But he didn't," Hermione seethed, "that absolute plonker!"

"Ron and I like him," Harry said mildly.

"Ron wouldn't if he knew," Katie mumbled. At least she tried to mumble. She realized too late she'd said it at full volume.

"Know what?" Harry asked at once. Hermione went bright red. Oh well. In for a penny, in for a pound.

"That Nott wants to–"

"Why don't you all stay for dinner!" Bill said enthusiastically, "I've got a roast going! Well, last night. The leftovers make good sandwiches!"

Harry brightened. "Sounds good!" he said, "I'm starved."

"It's hard work investigating my life," Katie nodded, "did you know I maybe snogged Dean?"

"Yes," Harry said slowly, "I mean, you did it in my face? He had that picture I was going to use to blackmail him if he ever tried to get Ginny back?"

"Harry," Hermione snapped, "Ginny is a grown woman, who is allowed to make her own choices on who she snogs or not without you-" she trailed off after making eye contact with Katie, who was smirking. "I'm not talking about him!" she said sharply, "stop looking at me like that! I'm talking about Ginny's autonomy! And of course we know you snogged Dean, Katie, you did it for like a month straight all over the common room!"

"Ah," Katie said vaguely, smirk fading, she had it coming, "I guess that potion gives me great taste."

"What we should be discussing," Harry said, "is how to keep you safe until your next match. And during the match."

"I don't normally eat food during a match,'' Katie said, "so not to worry. Although hang on, sometimes we eat bananas on time outs…"

"And drink liquids,'' Harry said, pacing, "er, hydrating liquids." His eyes lit on the empty wine bottle.

"And hang on, I have to go to practices," Katie said, "Jones will shove me off the team, otherwise!"

"An Auror detail," Harry nodded, still pacing, "Twiggle and Bottins, maybe."

"Those are names?" Katie said.

"An Auror?" Bill blurted from where he was slathering chipotle flavored mayonnaise on fresh bread rolls, "isn't that the dark wizard police? Does she really need that?"

"No," Katie said at the same time Hermione and Harry said yes.

"I don't," Katie insisted, "this is ridiculous. I can go back to my flat, and eat food, and fly on my little broom playing my useless sport and–" a second person fell out of the fireplace into a pile of dried flower remnants. Bill shrieked and threw a bread roll.

"Harry you should've closed the floo network immediately,'' Hermione chided, "what were you–" the man stood up. A second bread roll smacked him in the head.

"Oh, it's you," Harry said rudely. Katie hid behind a kitchen cabinet.

"Is she here?" she heard Montague ask urgently.

"Is this normal wizard etiquette?" Bill asked, "I find this quite rude, you know, that everyone is just crashing into our fireplace without asking. What if Isla and I were wandering around nude? Sometimes I like to do impressionistic paintings of the human body!"

Katie shoved her jumper sleeve in her mouth so she wouldn't make a loud noise of disgust and give herself away.

"I apologize," Montague said at once, "it's not good manners, sir. it's just, I'm extremely concerned about Katie. She hasn't been home, my owl cant find her, she's not at his flat–" the contempt on "his" made Katie wince. Of course she wasn't at Nate's flat. She didn't even know where it was! But apparently, Montague did. And that Katie might be there.

"She dumped you," Hermione said coldly, "it's none of your business where she is." Good old Hermione. Katie reminded herself to stop teasing her about Nott, no matter how tempting and amusing it was.

"Only because Tatiana lied to her," Montague said, "and my mother. We were getting along so well before that. I was making her happy."

"Tatiana lied?" Hermione said icily, "typical Slytherin nonsense. How was she lying? all the evidence points to you being the liar."

"Got to agree," Harry said casually, "also, you know I could arrest you for doing magic in front of a muggle like this, Montague?"

The audacity and loyalty of the statement took Katie's breath away. Drunken tears of gratitude came to her eyes. She really didn't appreciate her friends enough.

"Granger literally has her wand out and is casting deflecting shields," Montague said, "but sure, Potter, try to arrest me. On top of that, Mr. Bell is registered at the Non Magical Information Center as a person of knowledge, meaning–"

"I know what it means," Harry said irritably," I'm a bloody Auror, Montague."

"I don't know what it means," Bill said, returning to slathering chipotle mayo, "I never registered at some magical office. I don't even like non magical offices. Hence the trousers." He chucked at his own terrible dad joke.

"It means you are a muggle but your daughter is a witch," Hermione said at once, "so you're a known muggle with knowledge of the wizarding world. Not to worry, my own parents are on it as well."

"Ah," Bill said, sounding unsettled, "well that's…is someone monitoring us? Is that what it means?"

"No," Katie whispered without thinking.

"What was that?" Montague said.

"I said no," Hermione covered, "it means that you're not going to have your memory tampered with, and that wizards and witches can cast magic in front of you freely." Katie could almost see the severe look she must be sending Harry at that.

"Fine, he's allowed to cast magic," Harry snapped, "but it's still rude. No one invited him over."

"Pot, cauldron," Katie muttered, even quieter. Luckily training had given her thighs of steel to crouch this long without pain.

"Theo told me about the Confucius Confusion potion," Montague burst out, "I came to help."

"Why, are you going to give us the counter potion you brewed?" Hermione said coldly.

"Me?" Montague said, sounding genuinely surprised, "you think I did this?"

"Who else?" Hermione demanded, apparently forgetting the other five people she'd accused earlier over waffles.

"I can't even make a proper calming draught," Montague snapped.

"Shame," Bill sighed, "that sounds like something we all could use right now."

"You could certainly afford to pay someone to make it," Hermione said, "don't deny that."

"Why, exactly, would I pay for Bell to take something to cause her to cheat on me?" Montague demanded, "where is she? Why are you here if she's not here?"

"We fancied a visit with er, Bill here," Harry said shiftily.

Christ, sometimes it was a mystery how he'd defeated Voldemort.

"My honorary godson, you know," Bill said smoothly, "after the war. We met up all those times, after Katie introduced us the summer after that battle. Isla always wanted more children, and we knew Harry here needed some good adult role models in his life."

"Yes," Harry said quickly, "I needed a new godfather. Bill's been a real boon in my life. Taught me how to er, shave properly and all that."

Katie closed her eyes in pain. She couldn't see Harry right now, but she'd seen earlier the horrible scruff Harry was sporting that made him look like he had ashes rubbed in patches on his jaw.

"Funny how I never heard about any of this," Montague said suspiciously.

"Funny how we never heard about Tatiana Prewett being your fiance," Harry zinged back.

"She's not–"

"You're engaged?'' Bill yelped, "and you're dating my daughter? You little two timing toad!" Katie watched with horror when her father picked up a large bread knife, but mostly because she knew how dull that particular knife was. Would probably bounce right off of Montague. Not even puncture a lung.

"No, don't, stop," Harry said, as her father kept shouting and waving about a dull knife in one hand, a paintbrush in another.

There was a loud slap that sounded like Montague being smacked in the face with a wet paintbrush. A louder crash followed that was someone falling over.

"Anuket!" Bill said with anguish.

"Sorry!" Montague said, "though maybe, you shouldn't have thrown a paint brush at me!"

"Maybe you shouldn't have fallen over because a two ounce paintbrush hit you," Harry retorted.

"Reparo!" Hermione said hastily. "There, good as new!"

"What is the meaning of this!" Isla shouted from the front door as Hermione's magical alarm blared, announcing her breaking the wards.

"I fixed it!" Hermione said hastily, "the sculpture is okay!"

"But why?" Isla wailed.

Katie burst out laughing.

"Katie?'' Montague said, "is that you? I recognize that taunting laughter anywhere."

Dammit! Maybe she could crawl into a cabinet.

"Bill, why is our daughter's ex boyfriend lying on the floor with a paintbrush on top of him?" Isla demanded, storming inot the kitchen, "why is our daughter crouched on the floor like she's hiding from an axe murderer? Why are Hermione Granger and Harry Potter in our home? That is them, isn't it? I recognize them from the papers. And that match we went to."

"Surprise party," Katie said, "I forgot to jump up and shout, and the rest forgot to hide."

"You also seemed to forget that my birthday is three months away," Isla said tartly, "stop hiding like that, Katie. You'll ruin your knees. Thank me later."
Katie sighed, and reluctantly got to her feet.

"Katie," Montague said at once, "finally. Please, let me explain–"

"Explain what?" Harry said nastily, "how you've been engaged this whole time?"

"How are you dosing her with mind altering potions?" Hermione said, "for years?"

"It wasn't me," Montague said at once, "how could you think that?"

"How could we not?" Harry said. Montague had the audacity to look hurt.

"I would never," he said, "I mean, it doesn't even make sense, even if you think the worst of me."

"We do," Hermione assured him.

Montague's jaw clenched.

"What would it accomplish?" he asked, "why would I be doing anything I've been doing the last few months, if I–"

"You tell me," Katie said, folding her arms, "please include the part where you've been owling mum and dad about how worried you've been about my behavior." Her father had the decency to look embarrassed. Her mother did not.

"Well if you told us anything, Katie," Isla said, "we wouldn't have to ask everyone for help understanding our own daughter. Did you drink my best wine?"

"Maybe," Katie said, "or maybe it was the cat."

"We don't have a cat," Bill said, "I was making sandwiches, Isla. Want one?"

"If i was altering your mind," Montague said, lunging to his feet and knocking Anuket. He steadied the statue at once, and Isla sighed in disappointment, "wouldn't I just use something more effective than the Confucius Confusion potion?"

"Like the Imperius?" Hermione asked.

"Is that a confession?" Harry asked, whipping out a pen and pad of paper.

"She's the one cheating on me!" Montague blurted, "you all know that, right? I'm not cheating! I kissed Tatiana once, six months ago, before I even ran into Bell! It was the worst kiss of my life! It was like rubbing two pieces of dusty bread together!"

Katie fought a laugh.

"Aha!" Harry said, writing on his pad, "so you admit you've kissed her!"

Montague looked at Katie with an expression that clearly asked her if he was being judged for his behavior when Katie was friends with people like this.

"I was trying to prove to my mother that Tatiana and I were incompatible," Montague said through his teeth, "I hadn't seen Bell in years. I thought she hated me, that I had no chance with her–"

"You don't," Harry murmured, and Montague glared at him.

"-That she wouldn't even talk to me if we ran into each other. How was I to know that she'd feel differently?"

"I don't feel differently," Katie said, "I was in front of my muggle friends, so I couldn't exactly tell them what an ass you are."

"You did, though," Montague told her, "remember?"

"No," Katie lied, "mum, are you hiding any more wine somewhere?"

Isla sighed and rummaged in a cupboard.

"Don't enable her, honey," Bill said, as he added chicken to six sandwiches.

"Dad that better not be for him," Katie said, her voice rising.

"Oh," Bill said, looking mildly guilty, "habit, I suppose. But it is polite. Just because his family has no manners when you met them…"

"How do you know that?" Katie asked suspiciously.

"I told them," Montague said, "we've been meeting for lunches. There. Happy, Bell? I'm honest with you about my free time."

The audacity of the statement took everyone's ability to speak temporarily away. Montague seized the moment.

"I kissed Tatiana and it was awful," Montague said, "and she hated it too. We came up with a plan, to get out of our mother's web. She wants to marry Theo, and–"
"Does she?" Katie said, her voice returning. Her eyes shot to Hermione.

"Well, she wants to marry his money," Montague admitted, "he's richer than everyone who isn't pureblood realizes."

"Is he?" Katie said pointedly.

"Why?" Montague scowled at Katie's evident interest in this conversational turn, "are you two getting along too well? He said he liked you, but–"

"Much better choice than you," Harry recovered at last, "I approve! Katie, good choice."

"There's the slight problem of Bell being involved with a Muggle," Montague said, "poor boy, he's obsessed. Talks about you to his mates all the time."

"Should you be admitting to the stalking?" Katie asked, swigging from the cup of wine her mother had handed her with resignation. God,she must be pathetic if Isla was letting her get drunker. "Especially of a muggle? I feel like that's breaking a law."

"Several," Harry said with satisfaction, writing faster on his pad.

"Whatever," Montague said, "you already all think I'm casting the Imperius on Katie. Can I sink any lower in your eyes?"

"You could be a Death Eater," Katie said.

"You could be a serial killer," Bill said cheerfully, spooning some sort of pasta salad on the plates next to the sandwiches.

"Same thing," Harry said.

"You could be secretly poor," Hermione said, "and marry Katie for her money."

"What money?" Montague asked, "I mean…" for Bill and Isla had turned to him with identical frowns.

"She did get a raise," Bill said, still frowning, "a huge one. Maybe you've heard? So your money can't impress her anymore, son."

"It never did," Katie said indignantly, "how can you be impressed by someone spending his dad's money?"

"It's technically money from about six generations back," Montague said, "if it makes you feel better. I understand why the thought of it being money my father's made makes you ill, trust me. But he's sat on his hoard and not increased it at all like an idiot."

"While you've been working hard," Harry said, "doing…what, now? Remind me." Katie wondered at Harry's open hostility. He had been one of the ones telling her to give Montague a chance.

"I've got plans to actually contribute to society, believe it or not," Montague said stiffly.

"We don't," Hermione assured him.

"Lots of plans," Montague said, nettled, "for instance, have you heard about-"

"You're just using me to win your bet," Katie interrupted, "with your mates."

"Not that again," Montague groaned, "listen, that was years ago, Katie!"

"You're finally admitting it?" Hermione pounced, "I thought he'd been denying it and playing dumb?"

"He's always dumb," Katie said, "no need to play at it."

"I forgot," Montague said, nettled, "I have a brain injury of my own, if you recall."

"Do you?" Bill said with some interest, "Isla, does that sound right to you?"

"Typical," isla groused under her breath, "everyone thinks I know everything about a medical problem with no equipment or diagnosis."

"You forgot," Katie laughed, pouring more wine, "sure." It took her a second to realize she was also being a massive hypocrite. Well, she at last was being poisoned to forget things!

"I did," Montague snarled, "I finally asked Adrian. You kept bringing it up, insisting it was true, so I asked him why the hell would you think that we were betting on…dating you in school."

"That is disgusting," Isla said severely, grabbing the bottle of wine from Katie, "but teenage boys are disgusting."

Harry nodded thoughtfully.

"True," Bill murmured.

"Repulsive," Montague agreed, "I am properly ashamed! Adrian was shocked I don't remember. So I guess George Weasley or whoever told you about it wasn't lying." He said the last like it was painful to admit. Hopefully it was.

"And you just forgot," Hermione said skeptically.

"I told you, I sustained serious injury from that cabinet!" Montague said, "everything thinks it's hilarious, but I almost died! The Weasley twins didn't even get detention because I couldn't explain what happened for a solid year, but I almost died! I know none of you cared then or now, but–"
Hermione got a weird look on her face. "I thought it was wrong," she interrupted, "I said we should tell everyone we knew what happened to you, so your treatment would go better."

"And did you?' Isla asked curiously.

"No," Montague snorted, "no one said a thing."

"Katie," Bill said, shocked, "that's unlike you."

"He had a bet about sleeping with her Bill," Isla said, "if you haven't gathered that yet."

"To be fair, I only found that out recently," Katie said, swigging from the wine bottle, "I was sixteen. Montague was a raging arsehole. My brain wasn't fully developed then. I thought it was funny. Sue me."

"Your brain still isn't fully developed," Isla said, "not until twenty-five."

"Well that explains a lot," Katie sighed.

"I guess I should've explained earlier,'' Montague said, a pained look on his face, "I'm not the same person I was. I never will be. The cabinet made me…different. I can't fully understand the boy I used to be. But he was kind of an arse."

"And you aren't?" Katie laughed, "please."

"He was worse," Montague frowned, "I've seen memories."

"Yes, you were worse," Harry agreed grudgingly, "it kind of makes sense."

"Harry," Hermione hissed, "don't take his side!"

"So if you know what a raging arsehole you were, why do you still get all touchy when I remind you of it?" Katie said, enraged.

"I'm human," Montague shrugged, "it's hard not to get defensive. And don't act like you were perfect, Bell!"

"I'm Mary Fucking Poppins," Katie said, Not now, dad!" for Bill had shoved a sandwich in her hand.

"Mary–?"

"Practically perfect in every way," Bill agreed, "though currently, a bit of a drunkard."

"Dad!"

"She's traumatized," Harry said defensively, "Malfoy traumatized her!"

"He traumatized us all," Hermione said with a shudder.

"True," Montague said, "the hair alone…"

Harry and Hermione laughed.

"Dammit, you're not allowed to be funny!" Katie said loudly.

Montague's mouth twitched like he was fighting a smile. Fuck. The last thing she needed right now was his beautiful smile to make an appearance.

"I'll make a note,' he said.

"You're also not allowed to stalk muggles," Katie said, "or show up at my parent's house without an invitation, or meet up with my parents to talk about me behind my back-"

"Or have a fiance,' Harry rallied, clearly feeling guilty about laughing at Montague's joke.

"I mean, she did dump him," Bill said, "that's what I'm hearing. Katie, did I tell you Jimmy Jenkins is back in town?"

Katie groaned. Jimmy Jenkins was her father's fifteen year obsession for a future son in law. Jimmy Jenkins was going to school to be a solicitor. Jimmy Jenkins ran marathons. Jimmy Jenkins had perfect teeth and windswept blonde hair and looked like he belonged in a muggle yachting ad.

"Bill, not now," Isla said, "really!"

"Who is that?" Montague demanded, "she's already got a muggle boyfriend, anyway!"

"And why is that?" Hermione said, "because you're giving her a potion that makes her act out of character! It's altering her memory and her behavior and–"

"I am not giving her anything!" Montague said, "I don't know who is!"

"Riiiight," Harry said, writing another ostentatious note, "convenient, wouldn't you say?"

"Decidedly not," Montague said, "since she's dating me not under the influence of the potion, but dating the Muggle because of it, wouldn't you say?"

Katie opened her mouth to argue, and put the chicken sandwich in instead. Well. It was true.

"How do you know that?" Hermione asked.

"Because Bell remembers all of our dates, don't you?" Montague asked shrewdly, "but she doesn't remember anything about the Muggle. Except…what? You've mentioned him to me, so you remember something."

"The night at the bar," Katie admitted after chewing and swallowing, "and a coffee date. That's it. It thought he never called me again."

"Maybe he didn't," Hermione said at once, "we only have Montague's word that he did."

"No, he did," Katie said, not sure why she was admitting any of this, "I saw it on the caller ID." Everyone nodded except for Montague, who looked baffled.

"Caller…?"

"Also, the barista at the coffee shop we went to once asked me about him," Katie admitted, "by name. And referred to him as my boyfriend to boot."

"So what's the plan with the fiance?" Isla asked Montague, "you said you two had a plan to get out of your engagement. Not going so well, is it?"

"There was a wrench," Montague said uncomfortable

"In the shape of my daughter?" Bill asked handing Montague a sandwich anyway in turn.

"Thanks, I'm starving," Harry said gratefully.

"You could put it that way," Montague said, "the plan was to show our parents who incompatible we are, shame them into breaking the contract through public humiliation."

"Is that why you invited me to your mum's dinner?'' Katie asked, "is that why you're showing up at my matches? Is that why–"

"No," Montague said, "I did all that because I like you, Bell, for Salazar's sake! Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes," her parents said in unison.

"Hey," Katie said.

"So who is doing it?'' Hermione demanded, "I want to know your theory. Nott has one that he's refusing to share because he's an absolute plonker with a stupid coat. What's yours?"

"Draco Malfoy," Montague said at once, "it's got to be."

"Malfoy?" Harry said skeptically, "didn't he just try to apologize to Katie at a party?"

"Yes," Hermione said, eyes going unfocused with fond remembrance, "you recall Harry, it was in the papers how she publicly humiliated him?"

"Of course I remember–I was being rhetorical!" Harry said irritably, "like that wasn't the highlight of my last year! I have that picture of Malfoy getting screamed at hung up on my wall at work!"

Katie raised an eyebrow. Was Harry's secret Slytherin boy who tormented him with odd sexual tension Draco Malfoy? What was she saying? Of course he was.

"All that sexual chemistry on the pitch," Katie murmured, then took a bite of her sandwich when everyone looked at her. "What? I was talking about Malfoy and Harry!"
Montague and Hemione burst out laughing.

"I always said that to Ginny!" Hermione chucked, "I don't think he appreciated it much…"

"Malfoy was obsessed," Montague said, "he had a route planned out for all of Potter's classes and where he walked in the hallways every year. When we called him out on it, he said it was for pranks and such, but…"

Harry looked outraged.

"We were mortal enemies!" he blustered, "like um, the Joker and Batman!"

"Malfoy did lie about us to Bellatrix and his father when we got caught," Hermione said thoughtfully, "you know, to protect Harry I assume."

"He barely did shite!" Harry said, "he was just like "ooh daddy maybe it's Pottah I don't know blah blah my hair sucks my skin hasn't touched sunlight in years wah wah buy me a pony or whatever."

"Sexual tension," Katie murmured into her sandwich.

"It was to protect you all," Montague said, "if you get him drunk enough, he tells you about how badly it traumatized him to watch Potter almost die. He says he gave up his wand without much of a fight."

"Well that's true," Harry said, red faced still, "he basically handed it over. I assumed it's because he's such a spineless wimp, but–"

"As nice as it is to have guests over after I worked the overnight shift," Isla said, "can I ask what exactly is going on? I've deduced someone is doing something magical–"

"And evil," Bill put in.

"And evil to Katie, is happening, and Harry and Hermione have arrived to protect her in some manner, and Graham is here to proclaim his innocence."

"That's pretty much it," Katie said, "Oh, I'm here to fight against all that and drink."

"Right," Isla said, "well, I want proof it wasn't Graham, first of all." She crossed her arms.

Montague looked wounded.

"You think it was me?" he asked.

'I didn't say that," Isla said, "in fact, I agree it doesn't make sense. But the one who is usually guilty is generally the boyfriend."

"Well don't look at me," Montague said, "I've been dumped, remember? Look to her muggle boyfriend."

"Who can do magic?" Isla said, her eyebrow raised.

"Point taken," Montague sighed, "fine, Potter, give me some veritaserum."

"He can't give you veritaserum," Hermione said, "that's an illegal form of questioning. An abuse of Auror power."

"I need everyone to know it wasn't me," Montague said his voice steely, "I'll do whatever it takes to prove it."

"It wasn't him," Katie said, eating the rest of her sandwich and swallowing.

"How do you know?" Hermione asked at once. Katie deliberately looked away from the expression on Montague's face.

"I just do," she said, "it's not him."

"Well I want proof," Isla repeated.

"So do I," Hermione said.

"I don't carry veritaserum on me," Harry said crabbily, "I'm not a walking magical pharmacy."

"Fine, then do the imperius and make me tell you the truth," Montague shrugged.

"That is an unforgivable," Hermione hissed, when Harry looked tempted for a moment.

"That's also you telling Montaque what to say, and not him telling the truth," Katie pointed out.

"Than an Unbreakable Vow," Montague said, "I can vow that I never–"

"God Montague, why are all your suggestions questionable magic?" Hermione snapped, "this just makes you look more guilty!"

"He's a Slytherin," Katie said.

"Yes, thank you," Montague said.

"I can owl Ron," Harry said thoughtfully, "ask him to bring some veritaserum from Headquarters. that might work."

"Great," Katie said, "I've got a long list of questions to ask him while he's under the influence."

"Now hang on,'' Montague said, looking alarmed.

"Harry you cannot just give someone veritaserum and question them," Hermione said irritably, "you are an Auror, it is against code 72 b listed in the–"

"Can I give it to him?" Isla asked.

Hermione paused. There was a look in her eyes that indicated her brain was whirring a million miles an hour, over every scrap of magical law she'd ever read, which was probably everything ever written on magical law, even in other languages, going back to the days of cave paintings.

"Yes," Hermione said slowly, "if he consents."

"I consent," Montague said, "If it makes you all trust me finally!"

"Excellent," Katie said, "I'll write my list!"


"So, why was Theodore Nott in my office a few minutes ago?" Ron Weasley said as he straightened up from the pile of dried flowers they still hadn't cleared out of the fireplace.

"You tell me," Hermione said, "was he wearing that stupid coat? Did he tell you his dumb theory on who is poisoning Katie?"

"Someone's poisoning Katie?" Ron said, looking alarmed, "oh hello, sorry to drop in on you like this," he said to Isla and Bill, holding out a hand, "Ron–"

"Weasley," Bill said, "yes, I see you in all the papers. I'm Katie's dad, Bill, and this is her mother Isla."

"Yes someone is poisoning me," Katie sighed as her parents shook hands with Ron Weasley and Bill shoved a sandwich in his hand, looking gratified when Ron immediately tore into it, "everyone's freaking out about it except me. It's been happening for years, and I haven't died yet. But here I am, on house arrest like whoever is doing it is finally going to lose their mind and try to kill me. Is someone going to babysit me during practice? You know Jones will hate that."

"Me," Harry said, "I pulled some strings, got assigned to the case."

"There's a case?" Katie and Ron said, one through a mouthful of sandwich.

"Well there will be, when the paperwork goes through," Harry muttered, "Ron, you brought it?"

"Yeah," Ron said after an enormous swallow, "wow, this is good, thanks!" He accepted a second sandwich. It was unclear who was happier about this development between him and Katie's father. "Had to tell Kingsley it was for some mysterious thing you'd gotten mixed up in, Harry. He knows how you are, he let me go with an eye roll. Is it for him then?" he eyed Montague, who was sitting on the couch looking miserable. Katie had perched on a chair the furthest she could get away with in front of her parents.

"Why was Nott in your office, Ron?" Hermione persisted.

"Sexual tension," Katie mumbled. Harry coughed to cover a laugh. There was a question. Harry and Malfoy, Hermione and Nott, Katie and Montague, Angelina and Warrington, Alicia and Pucey…who was Ron's Slytherin sexual tension nemesis?

"I said, you tell me," Ron said, halfway through his second sandwich.

"You know I hate guessing games, Ron," Hermione said.

"So do I," Ron said, "I mean, unless it's funny, and this wasn't."

"So what, he just showed up to your office and stood there in silence?" Hermione asked.

"Better than talking about how hot he finds you," Katie said into her wine. She had a notebook of questions in front of her. Harry had insisted to Montague that he wouldn't let Katie ask them, after Hermione had prompted out the illegality of it. But a girl could try!
Harry coughed again. "Nott's prone to theatrics."

"Is he?" Montague said, surprised, the first time he'd talked in some minutes. He'd spent the twenty minutes they'd been waiting for Ron looking quietly devastated about something. Fucker. Emotionally manipulative plonker.

"Yes," Ron said, "you didn't notice? Huh. Maybe that's normal Slytherin behavior?"

"It is," Katie said, "they're all dramatic wankers. You should've seen them at the Bletchleys."

Bill chuckled.

"What?" Montague said.

"Oh it's nothing," Bill said, "we just saw those headlines, about Katie confronting war criminals with flying desserts. Katie being back to herself made me laugh, is all."

"Back to herself?" Montague said slowly.

Through the haze of wine, Katie felt something stab in her chest. She knew what her father must've meant. Screaming at everyone at the Bletchley charity ball not caring about the hit to her reputation, how people would talk about her, particularly wealthy purebloods, was something old Katie would've done. Pre Hogwarts Katie. The Katie she wished desperately that she still was, and hadn't been in over ten years.

"What do you mean, Nott was being dramatic?" Hermione asked.

"Well, he was muttering something about knowing he was going to do it one day,'' Ron said, frowning in thought, "then he told me to investigate Mr. Mulpepper's Apothecary. The Knockturn Alley location, obviously. He said to watch out for anyone who'd bought a lot of dragonfly eyes, look into their habits. Then he pranced off. Usually his coat floats behind him like Snape, but he was dressed like a muggle for some reason. The coat still floated behind him like Snape. It was uncanny."

"Yes!" Hermione exploded, "thank you! God, what a wanker! What did I say?"

Ron looked baffled. Montague looked at Hermione closely for the first time since he'd shown up to the Bells.

"Huh," he said.

"What?" Hermione snapped.

"Oh, nothing," Montague said.

"Why dragonfly eyes?" Katie asked.

"They're often used in potions aimed at control and also those associated with memory, due to their properties released when interacting with dragon's blood,'' Hermione said, sounding as she always did when sharing knowledge that she'd vomited out a textbook whole.

"Alright you have a point," Katie said, "why couldn't he just say Ron old mate, I think Sir Evils a Lot is dousing Katie with a memory potion, watch him why didn't you?"

"Yes!" Hermione said, hitting a fist in her palm, and getting up to pace, all the better to rant in motion, "god, he was always like this in school too, 'oh Granger I can't join your secret organization, I can't be seen being friendly to Potter in front of Malfoy and his goons, you know how my father is–"

"What?" Katie, Ron, Harry, and Montague said in unison. Hermione paused in her pacing.

"Uh," she said, looking so guilty Katie actually revised her opinion on whether Nott had fucked Hermione or not.

"You asked him to join the D.A.?" Harry asked incredulously.

"I thought it was too dangerous to do that?'' Montague asked accusingly, looking at Katie.

"Unless you mean. S.P.E.W?" Ron asked, "no that can't be right, you said secret organization, and you're certainly not quiet about S.P.E.W–"

"Ah, the society for the promotion of elfish welfare!" Bill said knowledgeably, "I've been meaning to join, but I wasn't sure if you'd accept pounds for the yearly fees."
Everyone turned to Bill, as this was by far the most shocking development of the day.

"Definitely," Hermione said, a crazed gleam appearing in her eye, "we definitely accept pounds! Why didn't I think of this earlier? Maybe we should expand to Muggle families in the know, send out a letter to muggleborn parents, yes, and maybe even expand overseas? We can accept dollars, or francs, yes that would work–"

"Can we go back to the part where you told Nott about the D.A. and he actually considered joining?" Katie asked, "and you trusted that he wouldn't get us all expelled?"

"I made him sign the parchment," Hermione said, flapping a hand, "please. I'm not stupid."

"Theo never told me about that," Montague said, "why didn't I get invited?" he looked at Katie with accusation again, "I was told Slytherins weren't–"

"You were in the Inquisitorial Squad, you tit," Ron said, "don't be daft! Er sorry, Mrs. Bell."

"Oh, I've heard worse from Katie in the last hour," Isla quipped.

An owl landed on the open windowsill. A familiar looking owl.

"Oh balls," Katie groaned, "Jones is writing me. She probably set another practice. We only have fourteen this week, I guess that wasn't enough. Can we get a move on?" She untied the scroll from the owl's leg, reading the expected summons to a practice in one hour. "Harry, I guess you're coming with me, since you're insisting on nannying me," she handed over the letter, which Harry immediately squinted at and checked for curses.

"Right," Ron said, still staring at Hermione like she was an apparition of McGonagall naked, "here it is!" he pulled out the veritaserum, and Montague tensed. Harry plucked it out of Ron's hand and gave it to Isla.

"He only needs one drop," he said. Hermione pointedly cleared her throat, "and you can only ask the questions we agreed upon. Not Katie's questions."

Katie sighed. Well, she supposed her drunk brain had made her write "you think Tatiana is hotter, don't you?" That would be humiliating to ask. It would be even more humiliating to hear the answer. Maybe Harry was doing her a favor by sticking to the law in front of Hermione, who was a stickler for the rules unless it was her breaking them.

"Right,'' Isla said, looking at the veritaserum like it was going to bite her. "It won't hurt him?"

"No, it's fine," Montague said, "my parents used it on me all the time and–what?"

"You parents used it on you?" Ron asked.

"Yeah," Montague said, "oh don't act so shocked Weasley, like yours didn't. Graham, where were you out tonight, was it with a girl, was it with a boy, we've already got one of those in the family and we need grandchildren, who were you writing, did you really get all O's in potions or did you–what?""

"That's…illegal," Hermione said, "also…"

"Child abuse," Katie said, nodding.

Only Harry looked unbothered. "What?" he shrugged, "I was raised by the Dursleys. At least he didn't get smacked around."
Montague had a weird look on his face.

"...or did you?" Harry asked.

"Too tacky for my parents," Montague said, "if you're referring to using your hands. Their wands? Sure. That's standard for–why are you all looking at me like that? Especially you, Weasley!"

"I told you," Ron muttered to Harry and Hermione, "being a pureblood is fucked up. My parents are special."

"Sirius did hint that's what goes on in typical pureblood families," Harry said, "hint, and you know, blatantly state the abuse in the same casual manner Montague is. I was locked in a cupboard under the stairs for years, if it makes you feel better Montague."

"I don't feel bad," Montague said, looking baffled, "Weasley, are you telling me that your parents didn't give you veritaserum whenever you lied to them? Or they thought you were lying to them?"

"No," Ron said, "as that's…you know. Awful? And illegal?"

"No wonder you were so casual about it," Hermione said, "Montague, that's awful. Most parents ground you or something when you act up. Not give you truth potions and hex you."

"I only got in trouble if I was lying," Montague said, still looking at them all like they were the weird ones, and not him, "if I was telling the truth I wouldn't get punished. It's better that way, then you don't get accidentally punished if they don't believe the truth."

"And I'm sure they never asked you anything other than what they thought you were lying about," Bill said, clearly struggling to make this make sense, "I suppose it's a different culture than ours."

"No, they'd ask me all sorts of things,'' Montague shrugged, "why waste a good dose? I told you. I'm used to it. Let Katie ask me whatever questions she wants."

"Well now you've taken the fun out of it," Katie said half heartedly trying to lift the mood, although it was true. She was no longer amused by the thought of asking Montague if he'd ever snogged any of the Slytherin Quidditch team.

"I don't know about his," Isla said, "I don't think I want you to take this, Graham."

"I know you don't," Montague said, "I want to take it! I need to prove to you all what my intentions are, and you won't believe me any other way! I don't think it's wrong or whatever Gryffindor rubbish you're all thinking." Before anyone could react, he snatched the bottle from Isla and took a drop. His eyes went unfocused.

"I can just not ask him questions," Isla said, as they all stared at Montague.

"He did say his parents were cold," Bill said sadly, "they didn't even show him Star Wars!"

"Star Wars?" Ron asked blankly.

"Don't get dad started," Katie said out of the corner of her mouth. She shut her notebook. The thought of asking Montague who he considered the best Quidditch team at Hogwarts was also less amusing. Sure he'd have to admit the Gryffindor team was always better than Slytherin, but…

"You haven't seen Star Wars either?" Bill blurted, "my god, you poor kids. Ron, don't tell me you haven't been on a roller coaster?"

"A roller…?"

"Isla, we have to take them to a fair, or a theme park!'' Bill said, anguished, "and do a showing of movies! Not to mention the Renaissance fair, a movie theater, a water park…"

"Skiing," Hermione said, with a pointed look at Ron, "a roller rink. A skate park…"

"Why are muggles so obsessed with strapping things to their feet?" Ron asked Bill with the utmost seriousness.

"Well," Bill said, an unhinged twinkle in his eyes that recalled Oliver Wood, "it all started when–"

"Bill, not now," Isla said, "Graham, can you hear me?"

"Yes," Montague said in a monotone.

"I'm going to ask you some questions," Isla said, as everyone leaned forward, "is that okay with you?"

"Yes," Montague said.

"See," Ron said, "don't feel bad, Mrs. Bell." He shoved more sandwich in his mouth, and Bill looked thrilled.

"Should I make more sandwiches?" Bill asked.

"Yes," Montague said in that blank tone, "Weasley can eat for twelve pregnant women."

Bill got up, humming under his breath with excitement, and pulled out the rest of the roast chicken and bread.

"Is he insulting me under veritaserum?" Ron asked incredulously, "Is the Slytherin that strong in him?"

"Or he's faking," Harry said.

"You three seem to have come round to my side of things," Katie said, "you know, the sensible side. Where you find Montague to be an evil, evil Slytherin. What gives?"

"Zabini hit on Ginny in front of Harry again," Ron said through the remains of his second sandwich, "they were holding hands and Zabini acted like Harry wasn't even there. Offered to fly Ginny to one of his Italian villas for I dunno. Diamond buying and pasta eating."

"And shagging," Harry said, a demented glint in his eye.

"And Nott walked around in that stupid coat," Hermione said, "looking like a poncy Batman!"

"That would do it," Ron nodded, "though he's really grown on me, you know. We eat lunch together most days. He's pretty funny. He read that book you like so much. Er, The Lord of the Rings? The one about the funny old wizards that remind me of Dumbledore? Anyway, he kept banging on about it while I was eating my sandwich. Maybe you two should start a book club together."

Hermione's expression made Katie choke down a laugh.

"Ahem," Isla said with a pointed throat clear at them all, "Graham. Next question. have you given Katie this–"she looked helplessly round at them.

"Confucius Confusion potion," Harry supplied.

"Confucius Confusion potion," Isla said, "today, or any other day?"

"No," Montague said at once.

Something untwisted inside of Katie, for all she'd already been sure it hadn't been Montague. Nott was right. If it was Montague, would that make any sense at all?

"Did you pay someone else to make it?" Isla asked.

"No," Montague said.

"Did you pay someone else to give it to Katie?" Isla asked.

"No," Montague said.

"Do you know who did it?" Isla asked.

"No," Montague said.

"Were you aware someone was giving it to Katie?" Isla asked.

"No," Montague said.

"Do you have any theories, though?" Isla pressed, "on who gave it to Katie?"

"Maybe my father," Montague said, "or my mother. My aunt. My other aunt. My grandfather, though he'd have to send it from his chalet in Switzerland and pry himself away from his affair partners who are younger than my mother. Any of the cousins. My brothers, perhaps."

"Your brothers?" Katie blurted.

"Why your brothers?" Isla asked, after making a hushing gesture at Katie.

"They're both good at potions," Montague said at once, "we're not particularly close. They're angry at my mother's favoritism."

Katie felt unexpectedly hurt. And she thought they'd' gotten along! Well, for someone close to Montague, that was. Most of his other family and friends detested her with every fiber of their being, not just half their soul.

"Any other guesses on who is giving Katie this potion?" Isla said, as Harry scribbled furiously in his Auror notebook.

"Yes," Montague said, "it could be Flint paying someone. Maybe he tried to make it himself, and that's why it's not working correctly. Hellman paying someone, she's pants at potions. It could be one of the girls in second or third string, the coach of the Falcons, or any other player in the Quidditch league trying to sabotage the Harpies or Katie in particular. It might be Tatiana's mother, Pucey, Higgs, Zabini, Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Warrington, Pansy Parkinson, the Greengrass sisters–"

"The Greengrass sisters?" Katie said, baffled. She'd only recognized Astoria at the ball because of the papers shoving her debut on the pureblood scene down everyone's throats. She'd certainly never talked to the girl. And sisters implied there was at least one more Greengrass, who she'd never even knew existed.

"They are related to Celestina Warbeck," Montague said, like that clarified anything. Ron looked just as confused as Katie.

"Anyone else?" Isla pressed.

"Yeah," Montague said, "Theodore Nott."

"I knew it!" Hermione screamed.