Ianto opened one eye, feeling as if a truck was repeatedly running over his head. His mouth was dry and fuzzy, his stomach was in knots and he ached all over. In short, the mother of all hangovers.

He groaned as he sat up gingerly, trying to take in his surroundings. OK, he was in the hub, in one of the guest rooms. He was alone, but the other side of the bed was warm. Someone, he assumed (hoped) Jack, hadn't long left his side.

Why did he do this to himself?! No, this was Owen's fault. It had been his idea to get a round of tequila slammers in, which turned into three rounds, which is about the time things started to blur in Ianto's mind. How had he ended up down here anyway? He managed to dress in the clean suit that had been left for him at the bottom of the bed and headed in search of answers.

He reached the main hub, full of screens and lights and sounds that were not helping him right now. It must be early; the girls weren't in yet. That bloody pterodactyl screeched overhead, and Ianto winced as the sound rang through his sore head.

"Jack?" Ianto called out, even the sound of his own voice grating.

"Coming" Jack came round the corner from the kitchen and held out a steaming cup, presenting it with his usual flair. Ianto eyed the cup warily,

"Please tell me that's not coffee"

"God no I wouldn't dare" Jack laughed, "Its ginger tea, supposed to settle your stomach"

"Thanks" he took it gratefully, "my stomach does feel a bit dodgy"

"Oh, I fucking wonder why" Owen appeared from the medical bay, "Probably because you emptied the contents of it all over my surgical instruments!"

Ianto paled, looking at Jack for confirmation, who nodded with an almost sheepish smile. The look of utter mortification on Ianto's face was priceless,

"You didn't see, did you?"

"Well…just a bit" Jack admitted, "don't worry though, still think you're sexy" he winked, resting his hands on Ianto's hips and kissing him on the neck quickly,

"eugh, now I'm gonna throw up" Owen grunted, "I'll leave you to it"

"Hey wait!" Ianto stopped him, "what the hell happened last night? Its all a bit of a blur after you got the shots and started talking to that blonde"

Owen grinned, "oh well that's just when it got interesting…." he turned to walk away, "bit less tongue next time, teaboy" he shouted over his shoulder, heading back to finish deep cleaning

Ianto groaned, "Shit, really?" heading to the sofa to hang his head in shame. Jack sat next to him with a smile, ruffling his hear softly,

"well apparently you used him as a repellent for other people trying to pull you, I should really be flattered"

"I'll never live that one down will I"

"probably not" Jack admitted, "but then if you can't remember it at least that's something!"

"It's starting to come back to me a bit, did I say something about getting you pregnant?!" Ianto scoffed incredulously,

"Yeah, you were trying to seduce me, quite the turnaround" Jack laughed "funny story actually, I told you I could get pregnant, then you threw up everywhere"

"Oh god" Ianto groaned, then processed what Jack had actually said, "Wait, what? Is that actually true? I thought it was the tequila!"

Jack shrugged, "Yeah technically its possible, I mean its very very unlikely and we take precautions and stuff, don't panic"

"Okay" Ianto sighed with relief, distracted by the door rolling open for Gwen and Tosh to enter. Gwen had far too much of a smug grin for Ianto's liking. She came straight over to the sofa with a flick of her hair,

"Good night boys?" Gwen asked, "looked it from the photos Ianto sent over"

Ianto's eyes widened, "The what?"

"Yeah the photos of…. oh" Gwen grinned and her eyes lit up with understanding, "you don't remember"

"No?"

"Ah, well maybe they'd just be better off our little secret" she winked, pulling her phone out of her jeans pocket,

Ianto sighed in relief, "Thanks Gwen, so glad they're deleted"

"oh, I didn't say anything about them being deleted" Gwen waved her phone in front of his face, "I imagine these will come in very handy at some point"

"What are they?" Jack grinned in interest, earning a sharp look from a mortified Ianto

"Let's just be thankful you're not bailing them both out of jail for indecent exposure this morning" she said with a giggle, swanning off to her desk. Tosh smiled sympathetically at him, then dropped her eyes as she shuffled over to Gwen's desk, her curiosity winning out. Ianto glared after her before looking up at Jack, who was sporting a raised eyebrow, "My my, Ianto, my little exhibitionist"

"Shut up" Ianto grumbled, "I should never have got out of bed"

"What an excellent idea"

"NO!"

"Damn" Jack sighed, "Oh well, will just have to pay Gwen's phone a visit then won't I"

"Don't you dare!"

"Hey, if you really don't want me to see I won't" he wrapped his arm across his shoulders casually,

"Oh, Ianto, you'll have to tell me what exercises you do in the gym, those glutes are fantastic" Gwen called cheekily over from her desk,

Jack's eyes widened happily, "Sorry, Yan, I just have to" he skipped merrily away, after slapping a quick apologetic kiss on Ianto's cheek.

Ianto closed his eyes and groaned. Living this down was going to be a long road. He'd have to come up with something to distract them all and quickly. He got up gingerly, trying to ignore Tosh's giggles and Jack's lecherous compliments over the photos, and headed off to the archives, where he would plot his revenge….