Changes Prologue
The room was dark. Not even the light of the sun could light it up enough to see the dimension of the fury which had raged in it only moments ago…
Furniture was sliced into pieces, windows shattered, while clothes were torn out of the destroyed wardrobe; scattered on the ground as if no one really cared about them. What was left of the furniture and the wall, which were covered with holes, were all marked with three long scratches; giving the impression that a wild animal must have raged in it. The sadness and agony from within could also be found on the outside. Tears ran down a lot of sad faces. Some were staring into emptiness, others crying or had their eyed closed in sorrow. In front of one large and two small stones stood the new, compulsory, head mistress of the institute. She hadn't intended to do this job so early. But now she had to; not by her own free will but because of the aftereffects of the terrible incidents…and just because someone just had to… Crying silently, she hid her pain and deep sorrow within her, tried to be strong for all others who surrounded her in black clothes, while she said some calming, worth to be remembered words. Even if her sorrow tore her soul and heart apart. She knew she wasn't surrounded by all people who should be here right now. She knew, the others had noticed it, too. Turning her head during a short break, her eyes saddened even more when she caught the sight of a window. Looking down briefly, she swallowed, noticing that some others, those who shared her thoughts in that moment, had followed her gaze. They, too, looked down. She continued her sad speech while behind that window someone sat on the ground, leaning with the back against the wreckage of a former bed, hearing everything she said. The legs were pulled close an empty eyes were staring at two open, still bloody hands. It wasn't his. He could still feel it… How the claws had stabbed through her thin body, how it had arched up in shock and pain, the muscles which had tensed … Her eyes had returned to the beautiful color he loved so much, she'd left the entire furious beast behind her…just to give him a peace- and thankful smile… Her very last, since his sensitive ears were doomed to listen to her constantly fading heartbeat until it had stopped forever.
Clenching his fists, he closed his eyes tightly in agony. The feeling of her limb body in his arms was too fresh for him, too much for him to endure… He had killed her, killed the only person who had meant the world to him; for who he would haven gladly given his worthless life without thinking twice about it. As long as she was well and alive…that had been everything that had mattered to him. And now she was no more. She had died again and he'd to watch it for the second time. But this time was different. Far more different, because he was her murderer; it had been him who'd made her heart stop beating forever… Him who had failed once more to protect the person he loved the most. It was his entire fault, everything that had gone wrong since her return was all alone his fault…
Gripping his head tightly, he lowered it to the ground and grimaced in pain. He had to be blamed for her unnecessary death. If he hadn't mentioned the Professor in the infirmary, she wouldn't have freaked out, if he had gone into the Grey's house instead to talk to her, she wouldn't have killed Charles and joined the Brotherhood. She might have listened to him; he might have been able to help her, to bring her back home where she was safe… On Alcatraz, he should have been faster. If he had just grabbed her and led her away from the scene, the soldiers wouldn't have shot at her…because of them she'd began to attack everything, because of those darn soldiers she had freaked out and began to kill every living thing in her radius… If he'd only been quicker, if he'd only done some things differently… She'd be safe and alive…Turning around in an instance, he extracted his claws and sliced through the last whole piece of his room. Shredded it until nothing was left of it, before he dropped to the ground heavily breathing and began to sob. It was his fault…everything of it…
When he opened his eyes again, he found himself laying on the cold ground. It was already dark on the outside and he realized that he must have fallen asleep during his crying. His eyes burnt like hell and he had to close them for a brief moment again. Heaving a deep sigh, he felt how a skull breaking headache set in. But he didn't care. If he had the choice, he'd gladly rip damn beating heart out of his chest. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to get through the darn adamantium which protected it… Maybe if he stabbed himself through the back? Looking around the mess he'd caused he couldn't find anything he could use for it. Slashing his wrists wouldn't do, too. He'd tried it too often before in the past 15 years that he had gotten tired of it. He couldn't even shot or drown himself without his healing factor kicking in to keep him from dying… Closing his eyes, he clenched his fists hard. But he wanted it to stop. He wanted this pain to stop and he was ready to do anything to achieve his goal… Opening his eyes he stared into emptiness. He cursed his mutation for being that good, he cursed himself for not being able to trick it. Smirking, he snorted before he leant his head back against the wall. He was good in killing, very good. He could easily end anyone's life if he wanted to,…but not his pitiful own, not even when he wanted it to end so desperately. Except…
Looking at the door, he narrowed his eyes when it knocked again. He didn't want to see them, not anyone of them. All those I'm so sorry's and time will heal all wounds crap they came up with. His wounds couldn't be healed. As the door opened slowly, he uttered a life threatening, menacing low growl, which told anyone to run away immediately.
"God, what did you do!" Storm asked after the room was lit up only enough for her to see the scratched and holes in the walls. She could only guess what the rest looked like. Feeling a thick lump in her throat, she heard him growling at her. Immediately, her sadness took over again. She could only guess what it looked like within him, how much he suffered. She still had to cry when she saw him kneeling in front of them, holding Jean's dead body tight while crying and begging her to forgive him over and over again. She'd never seen him cry before. And it had torn her heart out of her chest to see him like that. To see what for a great impact her death had on him… "Logan, I…"
"Piss off!" he cut her off, growling even more.
Putting her left hand to her chest, her eyes got wet in despair. "We haven't seen you since yesterday, Logan," she continued cautiously, still she didn't dare to move away from the door. His growl had even become more threatening when she'd went on to talk to him. She was aware of it that he wanted to be alone, but she couldn't let it happen. He needed someone around him to help him dealing with his grief and loss. "We are worried…" Starting, her eyes widened as some object, possibly a lamp, shattered to pieced close by.
"I said piss off!" he barked in return and Storm backed off slowly. She immediately felt scared as her heart began to beat triple rhythms.
"I…I only wanted to…," she stuttered but closed the door quickly when she heard another growl.
The following weeks didn't bring many changes. The trays with food which were left in front of his door, since he never came down to eat something the whole day through, were left untouched by him. The Dangerroom control panel always had to be set back on the next morning because he pushed it to its maximum at night. Storm kept on sneaking into the large room before the others got up; washing away the traces of blood he always left. Grabbing a cloth and watching it redden, she sometimes had to sob heavily. She felt like being left alone, as if she had to take care of everything all by herself. After getting up in the morning, she put on her mask, which she had to wear for the whole day, just to lay it down as soon as she reached her room in the late evening. At night, she cried until she finally fell asleep, just to endure the same routine on the day after… She had no one to talk to, no one to help her and she needed someone so desperately.
One night she couldn't sleep and walked down to the kitchen after turning around in her bed for hours. Just as she'd reached the lower level, she'd heard how the front door was opened. Surprised she'd looked at the large wall clock. It's been far past 3 a.m.. Confused, she had walked around the banister just to stop all of a sudden as she'd seen him. And the sight of him had made her heart contracting painfully. She hadn't seen him in weeks, no one had; it was only up to her to clean the mess and marks of destruction he always left behind. Turning a lamp on, she immediately looked into cold eyes. There was not even the smallest sign of an emotion left within them. Then her eyes wandered over his body, saw the soaked clothes of him, the few traces of blood which indicated that he must have taken part in a brawl. But this wasn't what caught her main attention. The cold but tired eyes of him which told her that he either couldn't sleep for weeks or didn't want to were one thing. The other shocked her even more as she noticed how thin he had become. He barely filled out his casual woman-beater and jeans. "Look at you…," she said barely audible in shock, but he only rolled his eyes while throwing his cigar to the ground and didn't paid any attention to her. Watching how he walked past her, she grabbed his cold hand. "Logan!"
Roughly, he pushed her aside and shot a menacing glare at her. He had been glad that he hadn't seen her in weeks, that she hadn't noticed him strolling around every night after he couldn't stand seeing Jean die over and over again in front of his eyes; after the guilt and grief became unbearable and he only wanted to drink or feel another, mostly physical, pain taking over to ease the sorrow he felt within. And now, there she stood and looked at him with those sympathetically but understanding eyes. In fact, she understood nothing of what he was going through. And he didn't give a damn on the sermon she was about to start.
"Why are you doing this?" Storm asked him with sadness in her voice. "Look at you, Logan! Why are you punishing yourself so much?" Again, she grabbed him, but this time with both hands as a scent, next to the one of his cigar, suddenly caught her attention. "How much did you drink!"
"What is it to you, eh?" he growled back in a low hiss and pushed her away again. Sadly as it was, he could drink as much as he wanted. It couldn't affect him, only make him feel a bit dizzy when he emptied bottle after bottle, but that's it. He couldn't even get drunk to forget if he wanted… He really was pitiful… But at least the liquid did its job and affected his weakened healing factor a lot. At least one thing worked according to plan.
"Logan!" Storm called after him when he began to climb up the stairs. "You'll have to eat and sleep! Even you should know that your mutation can't save you from starving!" Angrily about his stupidity, she met his glare. "What do you want to achieve with your behavior?" she asked him in her anger harshly. "Overloading your system? Well, go ahead! But it won't bring her back!" Seeing him stopping abruptly, she had to duck quickly as he threw a vase at her. Hearing the shattering of it behind her mixing with his low, but loud growl, she looked up at him with widened eyes. Her heart was in her mouth immediately. Watching how his eyes blackened when Wolverine took over, she only waited for him to jump over the banister and slash her into pieces. Hearing his heavy pants, she saw how he gritted his teeth and glared at her full of hate. She'd definitely just stabbed him right through his heart. Seeing how he grabbed the banister hard and closed his eyes, Storm cocked an eyebrow as he only turned around and headed upstairs. Still, she heard him slamming his door aloud. Heaving a deep sigh, she ran her hands through her face and shook her head. If it was difficult to reach him before, it was absolutely impossible now. With tears in her eyes, she looked at the spot were he'd been standing before; realizing that she couldn't help him… She knew the source of his grief, it was no secret at all. But she'd never expected him to change so much because of it… She didn't even recognize him anymore. He completely ran free in his grief by being aggressive against everything and everyone; even by being a danger to himself. Swallowing hard as tears began to fall silently, she walked over to the kitchen getting a cloth from it to wipe up the water from the ground his soaked clothes had left on it. Crying silently, while doing so, she felt a deep anger rising within her…
If Phoenix had controlled her powers, Scott and the Professor were still alive. If she'd listen to Charles, she wouldn't have killed him and so many people in her blind rage. It was her fault that humans and mutants found their death that day. It was her fault that she was alone and had to take care of so many things all alone. And it was her fault that people she loved were taken away from her were left being a mess… She had to be blames for all this, only her…
After sitting on the ground for more than an hour and watching the cloth getting soaked with water, she finally returned to her room. Passing Logan's door, she stopped all of a sudden; hearing groans and other scaring noises from within. Frowning, Storm leant her ear against the door and listened as she heard his loud shriek all of a sudden when he screamed No!. Not thinking twice, she opened the door and turned the light on. Not noticing the mess which had been his room before, she only had eyes for the sweating and heavily panting man on the mattress, who sat upright on it and stared into emptiness. Stopping next to his quivering form, she noticed the confused look he gave her; looking at her as if he didn't even knew where he actually was. Storm didn't think about the consequences as she pulled him close and tried to soothe him. She hadn't had to ask what his dream was about; she knew which nightmares haunted him for weeks. And it was one more reason for her to hate her…
"It was only a dream!" she said calmly and stroked his wet back. While doing so, she noticed once more how thin he actually was by now. Swallowing hard, she began to cry once more.
With a disturbed look, Logan shortly closed his eyes, feeling his heart rate getting back to normal. He's done it again. He'd killed her again… Grimacing, he couldn't help but sob while his hands grabbed his head. He was sick of it. No matter how hard he tried, he had to endure the same dream every time he closed his eyes and fell asleep. And if it only was for a minute… He saw his claws stabbing through her heart, saw her smile and lovingly eyes before her heart stopped beating and she collapsed. He couldn't endure this anymore. It was a complete torture for him. It tore his heart out of his chest every damn day he had to live through. It had to stop. He wanted it to stop…now and forever…
Hearing him crying heartrendingly, Storm pulled him even closer and leant against him. It made her heart ache from within to see him suffering so much and not being able to help him. And she hoped Phoenix would rod in hell for it… Cupping his face, she made him look at her. "Please stop it, Logan," she whispered pleadingly, while she, too, was crying. "Please stop doing this to yourself… I don't want to lose you, too!" Sobbing, she buried her face in her hands, while she was kneeling next to him in the mattress. He only looked at her emotionless. Her pitiful form didn't even touch him the merest. It couldn't touch something which had died with her and was no longer there. He had stopped caring a long time ago. His eyes became instantly cold again, when he pushed her from the mattress. Shocked, she looked at him with widened eyes. She just couldn't believe that he didn't even care about her feelings… Getting up slowly while she kept on looking into his cold and merciless eyes, she began to shake her head in disbelief. "Are you really that cold hearted by now?" she asked him barely audible. "Has she really destroyed you that much!"
"Get out!" he barked and got up to throw her out of his room if she didn't leave voluntarily.
"Fine," Storm nodded as her eyes went cold. "Then keep on doing this to you. But let me tell you one thing!" Swallowing, she held her tears back. "Don't expect me to cry or even take part in your burial when you starved to death!" With that she turned around and slammed the door shut behind her; running over to her room crying.
Logan only sat down again, staring into nothingness while he swore to himself that he wouldn't close his eyes to sleep only for the briefest moment ever again. If his guilt wouldn't let him sleep, he could go without it. At least he wouldn't be her executioner every night again…
The two following months brought some changes. The trays in front of his door didn't stop, but it wasn't Storm who brought them anymore. If someone asked her about Logan's whereabouts, she only shrugged and went on doing her work. Not that she really stopped caring… But she couldn't be strong for the others and do her job while keeping on dealing with the mess he caused. He had clearly shown her that he wanted top be left alone, that he didn't want anyone to be close. And it also hurt her too much to think about him. She heard him coming back late at night, watched him strolling around on the outside in the dark,…but never getting close to the gravestones. And she could only shake her head about him lapsing back into old habits. All she could do was hoping that, maybe, one day he would change for the better again. That he would come over his grief and stop being so aggressive in his despair. She knew he didn't do it because he wanted to punish them. He did it because he possibly wouldn't stand losing someone else, because he thought it was better being alone than having friends who would hurt him if they passed away…
So she went on doing what Charles had wanted her to do and led the school in his interest. Not knowing that soon everything would change drastically…
To be continued in Changes Chapter 2
Okay, that was the short Prologue I wanted to add. While reading through the first chapters, I noticed that I never really explained why Logan behaved like he did in Chapter 2 and why Storm and his relationship was rather chilly at the beginning. I also remember that some asked what was wrong with his healing factor, so I wanted to answer your question. Well, I hope you liked it. I am currently working on the last chapter and the Epilogue. ; ) Please review! And let me know which things you would like to see happening in the last two chapters! ; ) Only because of you guys I have written so much ( I actually never planned so many chapters) so I want to thank you by adding the stuff you wish for. Everyone has one thing he can wish for! So, let me know! See ya!
