"Skylines and Turnstiles"

A/N: I've got so many ideas for this story; I just can't wait to write them all out. I wish SON would hurry up and return to The-N because I'm experiencing extreme withdrawal.

Disclaimer: Lyrics by My Chemical Romance. (Buy their CDs.)

Ashley's POV

You're not in this alone,
Let me break this awkward silence.
Let me go, go on record.
Be the first to say I'm sorry.

I was so, so very stupid. Why did I let my emotions take over? I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore! I went and said the wrong thing. I said something I didn't mean. She took it the wrong way and now things were even more screwed up than ever. I wanted to apologize to her. I needed to. But I didn't know what I was going to say. What could I say?
Spencer made me do stupid things. She was so confusing and she scrambled up my brain, making me act crazy. I could honestly say that I had never felt this way about anyone else in my entire life. She was such a blessing and such a curse. Sometimes I wished I hadn't ever met her and other times I wished I had met her sooner.

There was no way I could talk to her yet, but I had to talk to somebody. I thought of calling Aiden but decided against it, and instead chose Clay. He was, in fact, Spencer's brother and he knew her pretty well. I called his cell phone, and he answered on the first ring. He sounded excited to hear from me.

"Ashley, I'm glad you called, because I really needed to talk to you. Spencer has been moping around all day and I just can't stand it anymore. She won't tell me what's wrong and I figured since you're her best friend, that you could let me in on it. Whose ass needs to be kicked?" Clay was so protective. It was sweet.

"Well, she's upset because of me, so I guess you gotta kick my ass. I said some things I didn't mean because I was a little upset. Um, I kinda have these feelings for Spencer and I could swear she had them back but she kept saying she didn't. I got pissed off and called her a tease and everything. I really regret it and now I don't know what to do. I was just calling to ask for advice, and to um, see how she's doing." I was hesitant to tell him this, but I knew that Clay wasn't the type to be judgmental. That was definitely something I admired about him. He was pretty much the opposite of his brother Glen, who I couldn't stand by the way.

"She's not suicidal or anything, but she's pretty down. She's been cooped up in her room all day. My advice? Be straight with her." He laughed. "No pun intended. But seriously, I think you need to lay it down, tell her exactly how you feel. Spencer is stubborn about stuff like this. I know she's into you, I can tell. She'll come around in time, I think she's just afraid of getting into something that might be too much for her. The number one thing is, apologize for what you said, because obviously it hurt her."

"Thank you, Clay. Who is at your house right now?" I asked, wondering if now was a good time to come over.

"Right now it's just Spencer and I. Glen's out with the wonderful cheerleader known as Madison. I can clear out if you want to come over and speak with Spencer alone." He replied nonchalantly. I smiled at his response.

"You'd do that?" As I said this, I was amazed at how perceptive and sweet he was. Clay was definitely my favorite Carlin. Well, my favorite besides Spencer of course. He said he would indeed do that, and told me to come over in about fifteen minutes. I hung up the phone and gazed at myself in the mirror. I was in desperate need of a change of clothes. I wasn't going over to Spencer's looking like I did.

I changed into a low cut black tank top with golden rhinestones on it. Then I slipped into a pair of my tight fitting jeans, and a pair of converse high tops. I brushed my teeth and put on a little makeup. Making sure my hair looked good, I gazed at the clock. I'd spent long enough getting ready, and now I could head over to Spencer's house. With a nervous sigh, I left my house and got into the car.
The drive to Spencer's felt long. It seemed to take hours to get there. That was probably because of how anxious I was feeling. I just wanted to get all of this over with and get things back to the way they had been. For a moment things were great again, and then I messed them up, yet again. I have a knack for messing things up.

Hear me out.
Well if you take me down,
Or would you lay me out?
And if the world needs something better,
Let's give them one more reason now.

Turning off my car, I took a deep breath and walked up to the front door of the Carlin house. I stared at it for a moment before knocking loudly. It took a minute or two for a tired-looking Spencer to answer the door. When she saw who it was, her facial expression changed. It was partially happy and partially not. I just put on a big grin, noticing her messy hair. She was wearing pajamas. And her face was red, like she'd been crying. Oh no. That made me feel bad. Shifting my weight uncomfortably, I looked up at her.

"May I please come in?" I asked this politely, giving her no reason to turn me away. She simply nodded her head, letting me in and taking a seat on the couch. I took a seat beside of her and cleared my throat, not sure where to begin.

"If you have something to say, go ahead and say it." Spencer snapped, anger taking the place of the surprise on her face.

"Oh, okay. I wanted to apologize for the way I acted and what I said the other day. I didn't mean it at all. I don't think you're a whore. I was just upset because," I paused. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want to tell her I was in love with her and wanted to spend every waking moment of the rest of my life in her arms? Yes. I wanted to tell her that. I sighed deeply, preparing myself for the variety of responses I might receive. It's now or never, I thought to myself. "I was upset because I didn't get the response from you that I wanted. If you don't feel the same way about me that I do about you, then I just need to accept that. I still don't know if I can. I don't think I can handle being just friends."

"What are you saying? Are you giving me an ultimatum? Be with you or don't be friends at all? How can you say that?" Her voice rose at this last part, sounding upset. I shook my head in disbelief. Why did everything I say come out totally different than intended?

"I don't understand how everything I say comes out wrong. Spence, what I'm trying to say is-- I'm in love with you. Damn it, I love you so much. I've never felt like this before, never." I gazed at her, noticing her silence, and wanting to touch her so badly. "What are you thinking?"

Spencer rose from the couch, pacing back and forth. I watched her as she did so, desperately wanting to do something. But I just sat there, until she stopped pacing and looked directly at me.

"You want to know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking I want to be with you but I can't. I'm thinking that this is all just a dream. I'm thinking that I'll never know what it's like to kiss you and that's the most disappointing feeling in the world." She said this which such passion; I simply stared in awe.

"The disappointment you feel can be erased," I smiled, getting up and taking her hands in my own. "I promise you that one kiss will make all your thoughts make sense again. I'm going to kiss you now. If you don't want me to, all you have to do is pull away." I leaned forward, letting go of her hands and putting my hands around her waist, pulling her closer to me. I felt her hot breath on my face and closed my eyes, going in for the kiss I so deeply desired. She didn't pull away. She leaned into me, letting her arms fall to my waist. She kissed me back, and all hesitation disintegrated.

And in this moment we can't close the lids on burning eyes.
Our memories blanket us with friends we know like fallout vapor.
Steel corpses stretch out towards an ending sun, scorched and black.
It reaches in and tears your flesh apart,
As ice cold hands rip into your heart.

When it was over, both of us were smiling. A strand of her hair fell over her eyes and I instinctually pushed it away.
"What does this mean?" Spencer asked me, sounding slightly afraid.
"It means whatever you want it to mean." I answered sincerely. I heard a car door slam shut. I jumped away from Spencer, going over and sitting on the couch. I didn't want her mother witnessing anything her poor little heart couldn't handle. Spencer giggled, taking a seat on the other end of the couch. Sure enough, it was Mrs. Carlin. She came inside, and when she saw me, got a not-so-pleasant look on her face.

"Oh hello, Ashley." I smirked. I see right through your transparent kindness, I wanted to say to her. But I said hello, like a nice girl. I saw her giving Spencer a disapproving look, and she scampered into the kitchen, keeping a watchful eye on us both.

"I think that's my cue to leave," I lowered my voice. "We can continue this discussion later. Say, at my house?" I grinned, squeezing her hand quickly and making my way to the door. She followed me outside, closing the front door behind her.

"I'll be over in about an hour," She whispered, giving me a shy kiss on the cheek. "Hopefully I can sneak out without mom noticing."

"You've done it before." I pointed out with a wink, hopping into my car and waving goodbye. I watched Spencer go back inside, and wondered what her mother would say to her while I wasn't there to defend myself.

One hour of waiting was sure hell to pay. I tried to occupy my time, but it kept passing slower and slower. Finally the time rolled around, and right on cue, Spencer appeared at my window. I snickered, letting her inside.

"You do realize that there's no one home and you could have just came in through the front door? That's loads easier, you know." I teased with a grin.

"Oh, shut up." She hissed, pushing me down onto my bed with uncharacteristic aggressiveness. She gave me an open-mouthed kiss, then followed up with a deeper kiss, clutching my hands in hers. Spencer bit at my lip with ferocity, and I saw a glimmer of happiness in her eyes. I took over now, pushing her off of me and against the wall. Our lips joined together once again. I let my hands roam up her shirt and she paused, taking a moment to throw her shirt on the floor. I gazed at her breathlessly, admiring her beauty. She smirked, wrestling me to the ground and pinning me down.

"Do you love me?" Spencer asked, trailing kisses down my collarbone.
"Of course." I answered quickly, not resisting against her. She let go of me long enough to run into the bathroom. I followed her in curiosity.

Spencer was in the shower. She beckoned me to join her. I couldn't resist. I got in with her, and had the best shower of my life.
Little did I know, things were about to become A LOT more complicated.


Hello angel, tell me, where are you?
Tell me where we go from here.

A/N: Took the "Do you love me?" line from D.E.B.S.