(Ok, so I have a lot of this in my head and know what will happen. Some is already written, but I'm also super busy so updates may come sporadically. I'm excited to share what started out as a one page drabble and grew into so much more. There will be art and intense situations. I'm putting warnings here, so if any of this stuff triggers you, please be aware and be careful, it's not my intention to hurt anyone.

Warnings:

Alcohol, Physical Torture, Mental Torture, Emotional Torture, Gratuitous Cursing, Gratuitous, Violence, Feelings Addiction, Blood Addiction, Pain, Violence, Self Harm, Depression, Implied Sexual Content, Death, Child Death, Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Innuendo, Suicide, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Psychological Horror, Horror, Blood Drinking, Blood

Copyright: I own nothing except myself and the art. Everything elser is either not mine or I put under the Creative Commons License. Share and share alike.

Finally, the views and insults expressed by Crowley do not reflect the author's views nor do they speak for any other real world person represented in this work of fiction.)

I knew I should have read the terms and conditions. Nobody ever did these days, they just clicked yes, signed on the dotted line, stamped their name; no one ever read the fine print.

On such a tiny unknown website, I should have known better. Really should have. I mean, I skimmed the thing to make sure it said nothing about selling my data, owning my art, etc. I even unclicked that stupid 'McAfee' anti malware thing that sites give you for 'free'. But…

"You didn't click on the link in subsection B clause A I see." I sigh as I look at a man I was sure was fictional about 15 minutes ago. Or at least, was sure his character was. Apparently, he played multiple roles, or he was only taken by a demon recently...as in fifteen years. Either way. Not good. This is not gonna be a sexy fun spooky learning whatever adventure out of some fantasy. This, is was gonna fucking hurt.

"That was a link to a full blown contract wasn't it?" Crowley just smiles from a chair nearby. The lights above flicker slightly at his presence and the office seems darker even though they remain on. I'm at my desk, turned slightly toward him, far more tense then I was mere moments ago. I turn further to regard him. A demon, a shattering of some of my beliefs and confirmation of others. Things I'd have to examine later... if I lived. I swallow and attempt conversation, anything to interest him, buy time for me to think. "You're snaring people with online agreements now? What about that so called integrity?"

"New age, new tactics, darling. I'm just trying something I couldn't before... I see you watched the show."

"Watching. So how much is true?" The demon smiles at my question, one he probably gets asked a lot.

"Some."

"Throw me a bone. Which parts?" He looks at me with what is either amusement or disbelief, probably both.

"A bone? I'm not in the practice of throwing bones to mewling pups. And really, just...tell you? What happened to good old fashioned wine, and dine?"

"We'll get there I'm sure, but for now...I don't care if the answer is written on a bone you throw at my head, on a piece of paper, on a wine bottle, or whispered in the air, I'd like to know."

"Really, and l why should I tell you?" I blink, it's mine turn to smile. I was playing a game here, one I was surely going to lose, now it just depended on how badly.

"Well, you shouldn't." I'm rewarded with a raised eyebrow and the slight incline of the head that I saw so often on screen. He was interested, that was the first hurdle I needed to pass to even have a chance of surviving this. I was interesting. If he was anything like the character on screen...he was dealing with an eternity of boredom. If I could ameliorate that, even a little, I might be valuable. I just had to hope it wasn't my physical and mental duress that helped alleviate his boredom. I cough. "I'd most definitely use any information against you. But I must say, and being completely honest, I'm not good at math; I mean I'm smart enough to know what the chances of me coming out on top are." The demon stands before me, hands in pockets, interest piqued, silent for the moment, allowing me to dig my own grave deeper.

"Do go on, I'm fascinated by this story of yours." He looks at me and then at his watch. I gulp, if he had somewhere to be I was dead. I quickly move on to my point.

"Algebra. Could never remember those equations, so if you're worried about me drawing those complicated symbols, reciting those incantations, you have no worries. Although I doubt, if you were on the show, that any of those are even remotely close to true." He smirks and with a snap he's in a chair across from me, tumbler in hand, filled with something amber, the bottle on my desk nearby. The lights flicker in the empty office, we were quite alone; but the drink, I recognize the bottle and I frown. It was from my house, I had had it engraved for free. I look at him and shake my head.

"You really don't want to drink that." He stops with the glass almost to his lips and looks at me curiously. I was in no position to tell him what to do; mostly, probably. It depended on whether or not he had done this type of contract before, the digital kind, or if I was his first. Either way, he knew I was in no position to make threats or demands, so why would I say this?

"Curiosity, piqued. Tell me why I shouldn't. It's yours, it's whiskey, and I'm taking it."

"Because it was less than $60 dollars and I highly doubt it's anywhere near your standards. Let me make you a drink… one you've never had before."

"I sincerely doubt you could take a shit I haven't seen before, let alone a drink."

"Considering I made it up last summer, I'm pretty confident."

"There is nothing new darling. For you to surprise me you'd have to be-"

"An artist." He looks at me, and chuckles.

"We have hundreds of those in Hell, what makes you different?"

"Nothing, yet. Except that I haven't downloaded the file." At this the demon stops regarding the glass with trepidation and looks at me.

"Excuse me?"

"I have no clue what I've unintentionally sold my soul for, but what I was intending to do was download a font designing program to use commercially for a project. I haven't downloaded anything yet; I haven't actually received anything for my soul. Sorry Crowley, but you're a bit premature, especially if it was just to inform me I had a contract due in ten years." He stares at me, as still as only something that doesn't actually need to breathe can be.

"You clicked download."

"It said 5 hours to download, and I'm working on other stuff. Didn't want that big of a load to slow my computer down. I cancelled it." He looks from me, to the computer, to the drink, and back to me.

"...Bollocks."

"So...you half own my soul right now…. But you can't let me go, not in this day and age. Not when information spreads so fast, not with the crazies who might actually alert real zealots and people who could muck up your plans. Not now. But I'd really prefer to not just die...so...drink? Talk? Let me pitch my case for you not exploding my head?" He sniffs the glass then pours the whiskey into the trash nearby.

"Just the head? You think I'd leave evidence like that, lying about?"

"Of course not, metaphorically speaking. So I'm assuming the only reason I rate being visited by, if you're true to the tale, the King of Hell, is that I'm the first one to click on this link? I'm your test group?" He purses his lips and raises a brow, mildly impressed, mildly. I take the silence as confirmation, I hope. "So...drink?"

"Clever cat you are. What do you need?" I laugh at the question and I can see him tense; in anger, confusion, something.

"To drive home so I have the ingredients; I'm not asking you for anything that could complete a deal." His face reads that unnamed expression that says 'can't blame me for trying' as he walks forward and puts his hand on my shoulder. It's my turn to tense and I take a step back but my fridge is in the way. We are in my kitchen. I stand and breathe for a moment to orient myself, but I'm interrupted by meowing.

"Who is this?" I tense as the demon spots an almost completely black cat running toward the kitchen at the sound of someone near the food bowl.

"Them, and Artemis and Athena want dinner." I go over to the cat food and open it to feed the two cats who care very little for my predicament.

"And my drink? I really think I'm a Bit more important than two cats."

"You are, I'd like to actually be able to hear what you say. Probably need to focus on each word, not fall into traps, read between the lines. I can't do that if all I hear is 'meow meow feed me meow.'" There is another snap and their bowls are full. I look up at the mini chalkboard where I write down if they've been fed, so my roommate and I don't feed them twice, and even that is checked off with the correct time. 4:30. I take a breath and turn to the fridge. The very short journey around the counter has my heart thumping. I grab a grapefruit and tonic water. I go to the cupboard and grab honey. I go to the liquor cabinet and grab gin. I feel eyes on me the entire time.

"So, how much of it is true?"

"Are you Really asking the same question looking for a different answer?" I tense, for a moment I had forgotten who I was dealing with. I needed to slow down, think on everything I said, or I would surely be worse than dead. It was a lesson I never learned, and it was quite coming back to bite me. I take a breath as I get out the juicer and a knife, and then begin to cut the grapefruit.

"Does the show accurately depict your enthusiasm for the game we are currently playing?"

"I beg your pardon? This is not a-" I make a bold move and dare to interrupt him, for the second time that night.

"Of course it is. We are literally playing a metaphorical game of chess for my life. We are dancing around each other's words like a wolf and a rabbit around a briar patch. I could continue to list similes and metaphors but I believe you get the point. It's a game, you enjoy toying with people and coming out on top. You take risks, make bets, try new things; that's how you got to the top, that's what you need to do to stay there. Thus this new form of contract, which I'll give you a hint on, for free." I look at him as I peel some rind from the grapefruit. "Have it send you an alert when the file is opened, or finishes installing, not when the download button is clicked." He frowns.

"R and D will pay for this." I smirk, until he snaps his fingers. I have an idea of what that snap was for.

"No plan ever survives contact with the enemy, first drafts should never be printed, it's a long road to the final product. You want something that will be downloaded and opened immediately? Try porn."

"Too busy an industry for a small test run, besides, we already own PornHub." I raise a brow as the microwave dings, having melted the solidified honey.

"PornHub? Really? But they do so much for-"

"Yes yes, plowing streets, sex education, blah blah. We don't run it, we finance it."

"Why would...oh. I suppose you own the fashion magazine industry too. How many deals has it gotten you, people asking for porn star or model bodies?" He smirks, a new glass of probably better whisky in his hand.

"You catch on quick... for a mortal."

"It's a problem. I come up with too many ideas too quickly. I'd like to utilize that, but it's a hard thing to market." I grab the shaker and pour in a jigger of gin, all the grapefruit juice from the fresh grapefruit, a fourth of a jigger of tonic, a splash of honey, ice, a bit of the grapefruit rind, and a sprig of fresh mint, then begin to shake. There is a loud meow and a shuffling as my cat tries to rub against the demon I am currently trying to bargain with for my life, and probably soul. Crowley looks at me and pushes her away with a foot.

"This one yours I presume?"

"Athena. Please don't kill her for getting fur on your suit."

"Too much effort for such little reward. Just tell the thing to-"

"She's a cat. I can't control her. I doubt even the King of Hell could control a cat. Dogs, people, demons, Hellhounds, sure. But a cat? Nothing can control a cat, but I'll try." I pause a moment and hiss at the cat, who murrs and then slowly walks out of the room. I sigh then pour the liquid from the shaker into the empty bowl of the two grapefruits and the king stares at me, at the bold human in front of him. He had killed for less, but I had to keep his interest.

"It needs to sit to absorb the bitterness of the rind. So…" I take a deep breath and look around my house. Not clean, dishes in the sink, art projects on the table; messy. Not a place to bargain for your life but...here we were. "I'd really like to not die."

"Most people feel that way, but you have half a contract, signed but not exactly fulfilled." There is a snap and a chair far more expensive and comfortable than anything I own appears on the carpet of my very small breakfast nook. "So, we have a problem. I can't collect, I can't let you leave; you don't wish to die, but you won't download the file. What we have is an utter mess." I take a deep breath. I needed to be clever, I needed to be interesting. Banal, normal, and stupid would get me killed or worse. I take another deep breath and say the words that will damn me forever.

"I'd like to make a deal."

(Hope you guys are ready for a bumpy ride! Enjoy the quick descent into chaos.)