Chapter 6 – First Steps
At breakfast the next morning Professor Snape's apprentice handed the first year Slytherins their timetables for the coming year with a brief explanation that the group had been split in two, and would take some classes with groups from the other Houses and some classes with the whole Slytherin year group.
"I've got Herbology on the first day!" complained Pansy. "What group did you get put into, Draco?"
"Same as yours I think," said Draco. "What'd you get Harry?"
Harry didn't actually know; he hadn't looked at his timetable because he was still eating breakfast.
"He's in Viper group with us," said Tracey. "And Millie is!"
"I'm in Adder," said Goyle unhappily.
As the others all worked out which of the first years had been separated into which group Harry looked down at his timetable. He would have a 'guided study session' just after breakfast, whatever that meant given that they hadn't yet started their studies, with the other half of Slytherin, and then Potions with the Gryffindors. Charms with the Hufflepuffs came after Potions, and Harry hoped that Ernie would be part of the Hufflepuff group sharing it with Slytherin. In all Harry found the first day's lessons to be a rather exciting offering, the guided study session aside.
"Who've we got for Charms?" Harry heard Millie ask. "I've heard Flitwick is the fun one…"
"We've got Flitwick," confirmed Daphne Greengrass, a pretty green-eyed girl from Tracey's dorm. "And Miss Evergloam once a week. Her lesson is today, look. Oh, but it looks like we've got McGonagall for Transfiguration… She's meant to be really strict!"
McGonagall certainly didn't seem especially fun given her performance the night before. Harry was pleased to have lessons with Flitwick, though, since the little wizard was very pleasant and it meant that Harry already knew that one teacher liked him.
After breakfast Gemma Farley escorted the first year Slytherins to their first ever 'lesson' at Hogwarts, which was a guided study session with someone called Madame Helix. Apparently, their 'free' periods would all be guided by one member of staff or another – usually Madame Helix – at least until second year. Mercifully as far as Harry was concerned, the first such session of the year focused on getting to know the other students in his group as well as a few basic – but still entirely new to Harry – skills such as quill handling and maintenance.
After the study session ended Gemma Farley came to pick up the Viper group Slytherins to direct them back to the dungeons where they would have Potions with the Gryffindors—and Professor Snape. Farley left the Viper group first years in the dungeon corridor outside of the main potions laboratory with a cheerful thumbs up.
The older Slytherins had warned both of the first year groups that Professor Snape required his students, even those in first year, to have a basic level of knowledge before starting the year's lessons. Apparently, he expected students to read and commit to memory the names and uses of a number of the plants and animal products that they would use that year.
Harry thought this a little bit unfair, but had got his head down with the rest of the students in his group to do a little bit of revision during the spare moments in their guided study session. General consensus was that Snape wouldn't be overly harsh to any of the Slytherins – not in general, and specifically not with a session shared by Gryffindor – so Harry didn't feel too worried.
Professor Snape had, after all, introduced himself to the Slytherin first years in the Common Room before breakfast already in his capacity as their Head of House, and he hadn't seemed too bad then. He didn't stick around particularly long, and he had mostly talked about time management and behavioural expectations. Still, Harry felt confident that the lesson would go perfectly well as far he was concerned.
The Slytherins were first to arrive at Potions that day and when they entered the classroom were directed to take seats at different benches spread throughout the room. Harry took a bench behind Tracey and adjacent to Theodore near the front of the dungeon laboratory. He got out his parchment and quill and then took a look around the damp and dingy room while they waited for the Gryffindors.
There were no windows – not even enchanted ones – and the walls were filled with shelves containing a diverse collection of plant and animal bits and pieces suspended in various kinds of liquid. Some of the bits occasionally moved, which Harry didn't want to think about.
Even Snape himself added to the general dingy ambience, with his dark robes, pale skin, and almost wet-looking lank hair. The man was meant to be some sort of Potions genius, Harry knew, so perhaps he just didn't care about things like that, although Harry did wonder why he chose to work at a school instead of somewhere more prestigious. He certainly didn't seem happy to be there, glancing about the room with a scowl plastered across his face.
By the time the Gryffindors arrived it was two minutes after the lesson should have started.
"One point from Gryffindor from each of you!" said Snape as soon as the Gryffindors had got through the doors, his scowl gone and replaced with something approaching a smile. "Now sit!"
The hapless Gryffindors then found themselves faced with choosing which of the Slytherins to sit next to. Daphne quickly found a partner in a pretty Indian girl whose name Harry couldn't remember, while Blaise ended up being paired with a shockingly ginger boy. Several of the others lingered at the front of the class until they realised picking a Slytherin lab partner was less frightening than making Snape wait any longer, which prompted a flurry of poorly thought through choices.
Granger ended up sat next to Pansy, and Harry had trouble deciding who to feel sorry for; a smiling girl with quite nice teeth chose to sit next to Tracey, and seemed pleased with herself for her choice; and Harry himself was chosen by a glum-looking boy he recognised as being Neville from the train.
"Sorry," mumbled Neville – Longbottom, Harry remembered – as he sat down. "I just didn't want to sit by… It doesn't matter," he said, with only the briefest of glances towards Draco.
Harry shrugged. He could sort of understand not wanting to sit by Draco, since he wasn't entirely sure yet whether he liked the other boy himself. He could be charming and funny, and then also boastful and rude. He had been friendly enough to Harry, but Draco didn't appear to want to make it easy for people to like him. He didn't seem to care.
As soon as the last Gryffindor had sat down—a sandy-haired boy with untidy robes—Professor Snape launched into a speech. Having been prepared for this by the upper year Slytherins, Harry started to write down Snape's little monologue. Maddeningly, it didn't appear to contain any actual information about how to approach making potions or even notes on the syllabus, but the uppers had insisted that the first years copy it down because Snape would expect it. The lecture was instead an introduction to what potions could do, but only in a very vague and abstract sense, which was useful information Harry supposed and it certainly helped set a tone, but he didn't see why he needed it written down.
Somewhere to the middle of his little speech Snape snapped an order to copy down his words to the students – all of the Gryffindors except, it seemed Hermione Granger – who were not yet writing, which prompted a flurry of activity as they scrambled to fetch quills and parchment and catch up to where Snape had reached. Harry knew none of them would be able to, as Snape had talked so much and had waited so long to tell them off that none of them would remember how his little speech had started, let alone finished.
Eventually Snape finished talking and paused a few moments before continuing.
"To begin I shall ask you six questions which you will write down onto your parchment – in silence – to be answered in your pairs. You will quietly discuss the answers so that the other benches cannot hear you do so, and when I am satisfied you have had enough time I shall call upon you for your answers. Questions?"
Although Snape had himself prompted for them, Harry didn't think anyone would dare ask a question given the man's tone and general demeanour.
"Very well. The first question: where may one find a bezoar?The second question: what results from the combination of powdered root of asphodel and an infusion of wormwood? The third question: what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"
Snape didn't pause between asking each question so that the students could write them down. Instead, he seemed to go even faster. Harry struggled to write down the questions in full.
"The fourth question: why can handling dittany be dangerous? The fifth question: why are students required to use a pewter rather than a brass cauldron? The sixth question: what is standard potioneering water? You have five minutes and then I will begin asking you for your answers."
Harry turned to Longbottom and saw the other boy's almost deathly-pale face, and realised that he would be near enough useless when it came to figuring out the answers to Snape's questions. Harry thought he could answer a couple of them—he knew that a bezoar came from a goat's stomach, and that pewter cauldrons brewed more slowly than other varieties—but he knew he would have trouble answering some of the others. What made standard potioneering water different from water? Troll snot? Cat whiskers? Jedi toe-nails?
I've not got a clue, Harry thought.
"Do you know any?" he asked Longbottom. "I know the first one, and the fifth one." Harry looked down at Neville's parchment to see that the boy had only managed to write down scattered and seemingly random words that Snape had said. "Er—right." Harry pushed his parchment over to the middle of the bench so that Longbottom could have a look.
Longbottom mumbled something incomprehensible.
"I didn't quite hear that," Harry said, and waited, although all that happened was a slightly louder—but no less unintelligible—mumble.
Harry would have to circle back to that one, he supposed, if they had enough time; he would feel rude asking a third time in a row. Instead, he decided to try to work out the answers to the other questions. They'd gone over this in the study session the period before, and someone had said something about standard potioneering water, Harry knew that. He just couldn't remember what it was.
Is it magical? Harry wondered. No, that didn't seem right. Dare he ask Longbottom?
"I think standard potioneering water is perfectly neutral, so you can put the ingredients in it without worrying," said Harry eventually. Maybe he was mixing up something from his Muggle chemistry lessons, but it did sound right. He checked with Longbottom. "Does that sound right?"
Longbottom shrugged. "I suppose so," he said.
Harry wrote down that answer on the parchment, and moved to tackle the third question.
"I think the third one is a trick question," he said, "because when we looked over this stuff earlier I'm sure we all wrote down that monkshood and wolfsbane were the same thing. So, I don't think there is a difference," Harry said. He glanced at Longbottom for some sort of input, since he didn't want to take over the whole lesson.
Longbottom mumbled something Harry thought might be 'I think so too,' although it could just as easily have been 'Can't help, sorry.' Harry wrote down 'no difference' anyway to have something on the parchment at least. It really was just his luck to be stuck with Longbottom – even if the other Gryffindors were just as thick, they at least seemed able to talk at an appropriate volume. For all Harry knew Longbottom was some sort of magical prodigy, a genius unparalleled in the modern age… and nobody would know because he mumbled.
"What do you reckon for the second question?" Harry asked, although he didn't expect an answer. "I think—"
"You have no more time," said Snape. "We will begin. Weasley! Answer the second question."
Well, Harry thought, at least I don't have to figure that one out anymore…
"We didn't get that one, sir," said Weasley, his face pale.
"Hmm. One point from Gryffindor. It is the Draught of Living Death, a potent sleeping potion. Weasley, I expect one paragraph on this potion at the start of your next lesson." Snape moved on immediately. "Nott, answer the fifth question."
"We use a pewter cauldron because they brew potions more slowly, which is helpful for beginners, sir," said Theodore quickly and confidently.
"One point to Slytherin for superior potions knowledge," said Snape. "Granger! Answer the sixth question."
"Standard potioneering water is a perfectly neutral water that serves as a base for potions because it has no impurities which may affect the potion in any way, positively or negatively; it is not an ingredient, but a vehicle for the ingredients," Granger said immediately.
"That is correct." Snape moved on. "Bulstrode, answer the first question."
"You find a bezoar in a goat's stomach," Millicent said, reading from her parchment.
"Very good. One point to Slytherin."
Snape turned his gaze towards Harry, and for a terrible moment lingered there, until he finally spoke after staring at Longbottom.
"Longbottom, answer the third question."
Longbottom muttered something too quiet for Harry, let alone Snape, to hear.
"Louder, boy!"
"They're the same thing, P—professor," said Longbottom eventually. Far from being pleased, Neville's correct answer appeared to anger Snape, who moved on from the answer without comment. Harry didn't mind that so much, though; there was only one question left and his pair had already gone, so he was safe.
"Potter," said Snape, "answer question four."
Harry paled. That, and the second question, were the only two of the six he hadn't managed to get. It didn't seem fair that he should be asked a question when Longbottom had already answered one. He opened his mouth to say as much when Longbottom nudged him with a bit of parchment. Harry looked down. It appeared Longbottom had written – and in much better handwriting than Harry's – an answer for question four: 'it can leak flammable vapours'. Harry didn't know whether or not to trust the answer, although he could tell Longbottom thought it was the right one, and as Harry himself had no better ideas, he said it.
"It can release flammable vapours, sir," he said quickly.
"That is… correct," said Snape with apparent difficulty. If it were even possible, Snape seemed less happy than when Longbottom had given the right answer. Harry wondered why. His gaze lingered over Harry and Longbottom for a few moments before he looked away, lips curled in distaste.
"Moving on, today we shall discuss the theoretical basis behind the Boil Cure Potion. This potion is an appropriately simple and uncomplicated potion for students of your skill level, which means no doubt several of you shall manage to botch it completely at great personal danger."
Harry turned towards Longbottom and muttered a thanks. For some reason Snape seemed to dislike both him and Longbottom, but at least they'd managed to get through it better than Weasley. It seemed that the pudgy boy wasn't quite as useless as Harry had thought.
Harry didn't have time to dwell on it, however, as Snape had continued on at a fast pace, and Harry had to race to keep up taking notes until the end of the lesson. Almost as soon as the lesson finished Longbottom hurried out of the dungeon with the rest of the Gryffindors, so Harry didn't get a chance to thank him properly.
"I hope we don't have to keep these partners all year," complained Blaise to Harry as they walked out of the classroom. "That Weasley's a real dud."
"I'm quite pleased with my partner," said Daphne smugly. "I've known Parvati for ages and ages. She's not as clever as Padma but we get on quite well. If we have to sit with Gryffindors, I'm glad she's my partner."
"I got saddled with that Granger," said Pansy. "I suppose she did know all the answers… but have you seen her teeth? Ugh, she's like a hamster. Hasn't she heard of shrinking spells?"
"Longbottom wasn't so bad in the end," Harry said carefully. He wanted to join in the conversation but he didn't want to badmouth the boy, even if he was a bit of an ineffective partner. "He was nearly useless, but he gave me the answer to that dittany question…"
"You know, I always thought he was a squib," Draco said. "Everyone did, didn't they? A shame really, good family stock like that being reduced to… well, whatever Longbottom is."
A few of the other first years gave knowing nods at that, although Harry wasn't exactly sure what was meant other than a general dig at Longbottom. Talk soon turned to other things however and the comment was quickly forgotten as the Slytherin first years met with the third year prefect, Gemma Farley, for an escort to their first Charms lesson.
Viper group headed out of the Great Hall escorted once more by Gemma Farley, who would be showing the anxious new first years to the Charms department. Making his way to classes would be, Harry was beginning to understand, almost as much of a task as the classes themselves.
"On Fridays," said Gemma as she stopped at the top of the second set of stairs, "you have to remember to jump this step here, because it disappears." She paused. "Oh, and some of the stairs move, but you'll get used to it quickly enough. If you don't time it right, you can be late to class sometimes! These ones are alright, but the next ones after the third floor move around a lot."
She directed the somewhat confused first years up the stairs and towards a set of stairs that were moving from one landing to another.
"Just up here is the Charms department, you've got Miss Evergloam today so it's the second classroom after you come away from the stairs. Flitwick has the first room, see, it's just here and his name's on the door…" said Farley, pointing.
Gemma ushered the first years inside the classroom and then left them, presumably to go to her own class. A tall, willowy young witch with a shock of green hair greeted the Slytherins as they entered the classroom. The Hufflepuffs had already arrived, and Harry took a seat next to Ernie, who had kept it open for him.
"Afternoon," said Ernie. "Get on alright?"
Harry nodded.
"Yeah – the dorms are really nice," said Harry. "Even if they are underground!"
The two boys didn't have much time to talk, however, as once the last few Slytherin stragglers had sat down, Miss Evergloam started lesson by taking the register. When the young apprentice Charms teacher reached Harry's name a few of the students started to murmur quietly, although it passed soon enough when she did a rather pointed cough before continuing with the register.
Harry let it pass by ignoring it and reaching into his bag to get out his parchment and quill, which he laid out like Ernie had. He'd practised a bit at home, and during Potions and guided study, but from the way Ernie held his quill with ease, Harry wished he had done more. The feather just felt weird in his hand, not at all like a pen, and he always got cramp after using it even a little.
"Good morning—oh, no, it's past twelve now, isn't it?" said Miss Evergloam. She glanced at her watch to check. "Alright, afternoon class! I'm Miss Evergloam. Welcome to your first ever Charms lesson! Some of the most useful magic that you will encounter in your lives will be charms-based; can anyone give me an example?"
About halfway through Evergloam's introduction Harry realised he should probably have been taking down notes, so he scrambled to scratch something approaching what the tall witch had said onto his parchment and only pierced the sheet a couple of times.
A blonde-haired Hufflepuff girl with pigtails put her hand up.
"Yes, Miss…?"
"Bones, miss. The Summoning Charm."
"Excellent! One point to Hufflepuff! Anyone else?"
Theodore raised his hand.
"Mr Nott?"
"The Cheering Charm, miss," he said.
"Brilliant! One point to Slytherin! Now," said Miss Evergloam, "can anyone tell me what a charm is? I don't need the proper technical definition, but if you want to give it to me, that's great!"
Harry looked around the room and saw that, like him, most of the other students were looking anywhere other than at Evergloam. Harry didn't know what the answer was, other than 'a type of magic spell', which he felt couldn't be the answer because of course charms were a type of magic spell. But Miss Evergloam seemed to want something more specific than that, and Harry didn't even know what all the different kinds of spells were to begin with to start working out what the differences were between them.
"Okay, don't worry!" said Miss Evergloam when it became clear nobody was prepared to answer. "Well, a charm is a spell which alters an object – often in function but not necessarily – without changing its fundamental nature. So, like," she said, and gestured towards a lone pineapple sat on her desk, "a charm to make this pineapple tap dance." She tapped her wand against the pineapple which promptly started to dance across the desk. "But if I turn the pineapple into a pincushion, like this, that's a transfiguration." With a jab of her wand the pineapple changed into a pincushion.
"So now I've said that," continued Evergloam, "does anyone want to guess whether a spell to change the colour of an object is a charm or some other sort of spell?"
Nobody volunteered an answer until, after about a minute of silence, Daphne Greengrass raised her hand.
"It's a charm," she said, brow furrowed.
"Okay, can you explain why?" asked Miss Evergloam.
"It's a charm because if I changed the colour of my robes to green instead of black they would still just be robes."
"Excellent! Two points to Slytherin. Yeah, that was almost a trick question! Changing the colour of something with the Colour Change Charm does not alter its fundamental nature; a red ball is still a ball even if it used to be blue," said Evergloam. "So, in your pairs if you turn to page sixty-three in Magical Theory. If you can read the introductory paragraph that would be great!" she said. "Then we can have a little chat about it once you're all done!"
Harry opened his book to the correct page and moved it so that it was in the middle of the desk he shared with Ernie. He hadn't got this far in the book during the summer—the earlier sections had been far too confusing. Still, he had understood enough about the Wand-lighting Charm to perform it on the train.
As far as Harry could tell, the book said what Miss Evergloam had been saying but with more complicated words. He snuck a look at what Ernie was writing and then decided to take a few notes himself.
"What's an 'ersote—erotis—esoteric symbolism'?" he whispered to Ernie.
"Dunno," said the other boy, "but it sounds important, so I made a note on it, see."
Harry nodded and did the same; if they were lucky, maybe the apprentice would explain later. He took down more notes on what seemed relevant and after about five minutes, Miss Evergloam resumed the interesting part of the lesson.
"Okay so hopefully we all understand a bit better what a charm is, we can talk about the anatomy of a charm," she said. "All spells are artificial, yeah? They're a constructed mechanism we use to manipulate and apply magical laws and phenomena to achieve our goals. The most basic component of a charm is its conceptual framework. Which I know sounds complicated but it's not, not really. For example," she said, and Harry scrambled to write down the lecture.
Miss Evergloam continued at a speed faster than Harry thought strictly necessary, and Harry spent the remainder of the lesson scrawling notes along his increasingly unwieldy parchment sheet. What Harry had thought was fairly straightforward kept increasing in complexity as Evergloam described the various parts of a charm.
"Did she say 'allegorical principle' or 'allegorical paradigm'?" asked Ernie, taking a look at Harry's notes. "And what's a paradigm?"
"I thought she said 'allegorical symbolism,'" admitted Harry, although now that Ernie had asked, he wasn't sure. Just to be safe he wrote down the alternatives and added a question mark, then tried to keep up with Evergloam's pace. By the end of the lesson Harry's hand throbbed, his head reeled, and they hadn't even done any magic.
"Before you go, as homework I just want two small paragraphs on the nature and composition of charms to be handed in when you see me next!" said Evergloam as everyone had started to tidy up.
Harry groaned. Homework on the first day? He wasn't alone in his displeasure, he noted, given that many of the other students in the room had reacted in the same way. As the first years streamed out of the classroom to be picked up by their respective House Prefects to be taken back to their dorms, Ernie stopped Harry.
"See you in Charms Monday then?" he said.
"Yeah, of course," said Harry, who then fell into line with the other Slytherins in Viper group as they were escorted back to Slytherin.
"I didn't know you knew Macmillan already," said Draco as he drew next to Harry.
Harry shrugged. He didn't know Ernie, not really—they'd only met on the train! But he supposed he knew Ernie better than he knew any of the Slytherin boys, at least for the moment.
"We met on the train," Harry said. "Why? Have you met him before?"
"He doesn't quite move in my family's circles—but then who does?" said Draco pompously, "But he's the right sort, sort of." He paused. "There are worse choices, anyway. It's always important to have the right friends, wouldn't you say?"
Draco seemed to be expecting something from Harry, who didn't know how to respond.
"Er, yeah, definitely," he said, and this seemed to please Draco, who muttered 'yes, yes, quite right', before starting to talk about his favourite Quidditch team whilst Harry tried to listen to Shafiq's explanation of a shortcut back to the dorms.
Friday brought along two sessions of Potions – one double session with Professor Snape, and one single session with his apprentice and the brother of the third year prefect, Mr Shafiq – along with a single session of Defence in the afternoon followed by Foundational Skills with Madame Helix. Harry had been a bit wary of Potions with Mr Shafiq, since after the sessions with Professor Snape, he'd assumed that his apprentice would be equally as prickly. Mr Shafiq was, however, much nicer, and seemed to have a completely different perspective on teaching to the dour professor.
Defence had been better than Harry had expected, although worse than he thought it could have been. Viper group had Defence with Adder group, and was the first class which the entire Slytherin first year cohort had together. The pain in his scar had been totally absent throughout the lesson, thankfully; that was, however, the only positive thing he had to say about it. Quirrell hadn't been teaching the subject for very long, and it showed. He stuttered his way through disjointed passages of their assigned textbook and got muddled up more times than Harry could count, before eventually sending them out of the classroom ten minutes early.
The entire class ended up stood just outside the door to Defence, still unsure where they were supposed to be and in any case, having to wait for their assigned prefect to take them to their next lesson, which was Foundational Skills.
Madame Helix's classroom had been decorated with more than a dozen different posters, all showing different things: some showed basic wand motions, others the best way to hold a quill, and others still showed basic arithmetic Harry had learned years ago at school. There seemed to be no overarching theme to the classroom, unlike in the Charms classroom or the even the Defence classroom. Instead, the Foundational Skills classroom appeared to be dedicated to all the basic skills that students were expected to learn and use over the course of their first year.
Madame Helix, a portly middle-aged witch with a beehive hairdo and vivid purple robes, occupied a desk sat on a slightly raised platform at the front of the classroom. She waved the Slytherins in and directed them to the array of single desks arranged in rough rows of semi-circles in front of her desk.
"Some of you I met yesterday, mm?" she said, scanning the room. "I do hope you all got on well after our morning session! To the rest of you, I say: my name is Madame Helix, and I will be responsible for teaching you all the basic, but very important, skills you will need to make the most of your time here at Hogwarts. Thus the name, Foundational Skills!"
"First, as some context for this class which is not, after all, based on any magical discipline: you all come from vastly different educational backgrounds, my dears. Some of you will have attended a kind of formal schooling, whether that is Muggle or otherwise; some of you will have had home tuition from an accredited tutor, and some of you will have been home-schooled by your parents; yet others will have received no schooling at all other than the most basic coaching in letters. It is my job to ensure that all students are capable of meeting the standards which we expect here at Hogwarts, the standards which will allow you all to succeed in your other classes and indeed, your lives after school."
Madame Helix rose from her chair and gestured towards the posters on the walls.
"As you can see, we will cover an astonishing range of topics in this class. This year we will cover basic numeracy, literacy in English and Latin, proper quillwork, and of course, basic wand use and care. We will naturally discuss elements of magical theory as necessary to complement your other classes but this shan't be our primary concern. Your other teachers should be more than capable of providing you with the proper theoretical basis! Now then, any questions, mm?"
Nobody spoke.
"Good, good," said Madame Helix. "Onwards to greater things! I have prepared a little test of your knowledge to see where exactly we should begin. Do not worry, my little darlings, and simply, do your best!"
Madame Helix waved her wand and a parchment scroll appeared on the desk in front of each student.
"Now, begin!"
Harry unrolled his scroll and scanned the list of questions. Some of them looked easy – easier than the stuff he'd had to do at primary school, even – but others seemed much harder, like the section on Latin grammar. He reckoned he would do alright in the numeracy and English literacy questions, but as he'd never studied Latin, thought that entire section would be a failure. He chanced a glance at the other students in the class and saw, much to his relief, that almost all of them looked just as worried about the test as he was.
He dipped his quill in his inkpot, took a deep breath, and began. The test took up the rest of the lesson's allotted hour, and when it was time to leave, Madame Helix summoned all of the scrolls to her while she sat at her desk.
"We shall discuss our next moves at Tuesday's double session, my dears!" said Madame Helix cheerfully as the slightly defeated Slytherin first years trudged out of the classroom. "But for now, tata!"
Harry's first weekend at Hogwarts passed by in the blink of an eye, and he and the rest of the first year Slytherins found themselves launched back into lessons in no time at all. Their first lesson directly after breakfast was Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall. Harry was looking forward to it, since it seemed like an especially useful field of magic—a feeling that only increased when the professor demonstrated her ability to change from a witch into a cat and back again. His enthusiasm did dim somewhat after McGonagall took rather a lot of time to explain just how complicated and difficult transfiguration could be, before assigning the class a chapter of the textbook to read, without a single mention of when the class would actually do any magic.
Draco had sat himself next to Harry during the lesson, something which Harry was quite unsure he wanted to continue. Draco seemed reasonably nice, although more than a little bit of a braggart. Harry had known boys like that, and found he didn't usually like them—they reminded him too much of his cousin Dudley at his absolute worst. Still, Draco was usually quite friendly and personable to Harry himself, so Harry wasn't overly concerned with the other boy's choice of seat.
The first years still had to be escorted by one of the third year prefects to all of their lessons, so they spent a few minutes at the end of Transfiguration milling about in the corridor waiting for their assigned escort to their next lesson, History of Magic. Harry had thought it would be interesting since it was a whole new history for him, but everyone said the professor was a horribly boring old ghost—so boring, in fact, that when he'd died, he got up to go work the next day like nothing had happened!
"Some of the upper years said there's no point taking notes for Binns," said Draco, "since the textbooks are actually more interesting than listening to him drone on, if you can believe that."
Pansy giggled—a false, overly high and enthusiastic laugh that Harry had already grown to hate over the course of his first week at Hogwarts—and smiled at Draco. This seemed to encourage Draco, who continued.
"They really ought to get an exorcism done," he said. "Or at the very least, hire a few new professors and squeeze the old ghost out."
"I wonder why they don't just get a couple of new professors," said Harry. "I mean, it's not like Hogwarts is lacking in money is it?" he said.
"Of course not," said Draco, "the school is profitable, if you can believe it, off the back of the Herbology greenhouses and NEWT Potions alone. It's just another example of how the place has gone to the dogs under Dumbledore, that's what it is," he said. "The History department here can't attract anyone new, you see."
Harry made what he hoped was a generic but non-committal noise; Hogwarts hardly seemed to have 'gone to the dogs' to him, but then Harry had only just learned the school existed, so maybe it had been even grander and more prestigious once, and Harry just didn't realise.
"But Binns is the only teacher for History of Magic, right?" continued Harry. "So how does he manage to teach everyone in the school?"
"No one does NEWT History," explained Tracey, "and if you look on our timetable we've only got it once a week. And Binns is, you know, dead… so he has a lot of time for marking."
"Oh," said Harry, disappointed. "Well at least it's only once a week," he said, although he still hoped that there would be something interesting in the lessons. Muggles learned about Romans and ancient Celts and the Vikings—surely wizards would have something interesting to add to or replace that? Were there cavemen wizards and witches? He supposed that if Binns didn't cover anything like that he could have a look in the library, which was meant to be the biggest collection of wizarding books in Britain—it would have to have something like that. If he could find the time.
"There used to be a whole history department, back before Binns died," Gemma said as she arrived at the tail end of the conversation, "but it went into decline and eventually, we were left with … well … Binns, because he became a ghost and kept teaching. I guess they do say teaching is a vocation, not a job, but still…"
Gemma led the first years down a corridor, up some stairs, then down a different set, then through yet another corridor with several disused classrooms, one of which appeared to have been bricked up behind the door, although strangely the door hadn't been removed. Harry couldn't figure out any kind of reason for such a circuitous route upstairs, but didn't want to risk asking a question in case it was obvious to everyone else. He just hoped that wasn't somehow the only way to get to the history classroom.
"Binns's room is 4F," said Gemma. "It's the only one in this corridor that's ever used for anything so it's easy to remember! See you all later!" she said and walked away from the first years just as they reached the indicated door.
The Ravenclaws were already present and sat in their pairs to one half of the room, talking quietly in their groups. Harry couldn't see Binns anywhere, but he didn't know if ghosts could become invisible or not, so that didn't mean much. He took the seat next to Theodore at the desk behind Tracey and Millie, and got out his copy of A History of Magic. He got ready to set up his parchment and quill, which he was beginning to find less challenging although his handwriting was still poor, but paused when he saw that few of the other students—Ravenclaws included—had done so. Theodore had, so Harry did as well just so that he didn't look out of place, but most of the others hadn't bothered. Draco hadn't even got out his book, nor had Pansy, who sat next to him.
"Good morning, class," said Professor Binns as he floated through the chalkboard and into the classroom. Several students jumped at his entrance and everyone stopped talking immediately. Binns himself seemed impossibly ancient, which shouldn't have surprised Harry since the man had died, clad in translucent silvery robes.
He took the register from a piece of parchment someone – living, presumably – had placed on his desk, then proceeded to drone on immediately.
"We will begin the course with a summation of the syllabus, which you shall transcribe—silently—from my dictation. Do not dilly-dally for there is a great deal of material we must cover to be done in time. Quills out, class. To begin with, we shall discuss the early Dark wizards that plagued much of these isles in the early medieval period, such noteworthies as Emeric the Evil, Uric the Oddball and even if there is time a study of Herpo the Foul. This should serve as a strong foundation for what comes next, which is an in-depth study of the period leading up to the First Goblin Rebellion. Indeed, one may consider this period to be in a sense defined by its presence as the catalyst for the First Goblin Rebellion, and so we shall study these wizards and witches of note with a view to understanding how, precisely, each one relates to the outbreak of war."
Despite being a ghost, and therefore not having any lungs or throat, Binns wheezed as he spoke and sounded like he was perpetually just about to cough, on top of the dry monotone he used to deliver his lectures.
Harry wrote down a truncated version of what Binns had said and felt a bit more enthusiastic about the topic—Dark wizard uprisings and Goblin rebellions couldn't be that boring even if taught by Binns, could they? His enthusiasm was tempered somewhat by the delivery of the lesson thus far, but if the content was interesting, maybe it wouldn't matter so much that the teacher was more boring than his uncle Vernon.
"Naturally, the major part of this year's endeavour shall be understanding the multitudinous facets of the First Goblin Rebellion, from the actually quite dynamic situation both on and off the battlefield, with of course the greatest attention paid to the specific demands of the Goblin leadership and the innovative logistical arrangements made by the Goblins during the Siege of Castle Nott; to the extraordinary sequence of events leading to the Harrowing at Gamp's Bottom." He said everything without taking a breath—or what passed for one when a ghost spoke—but did eventually pause to allow the students who were writing time to catch up.
"If we have time at the very end of the course we shall discuss the invention and introduction of the self-stirring cauldron and the changes it wrought both inside and outside of the home for witches in particular, but this is only if we have time; I cannot stress this enough. The end of year exam shall consist of at least three long-form essay questions on one each of the major areas of study in the Goblin Rebellion, and one shorter essay question on the period directly preceding the Rebellion, so it is on this which we must focus."
The boring ghost continued, seemingly oblivious to the fact that almost all his students had stopped listening to him. One Ravenclaw girl took notes while the others wrote each other messages and sent them from desk to desk quietly, and of the Slytherins, only Daphne, Harry, and Theodore were writing.
"In particular it is of the utmost importance that the early medieval period be understood as the period most foundational to the enmity between wizard and goblin, for you see, it is these earliest Dark wizards who set much of the tone regarding the treatment of the goblins over the next dozen centuries and indeed brought them under the control of wizardkind, and as a people goblins have never quite forgiven wizards for these earliest indiscretions. Indeed, it might even be the single most important period in the history of goblin-wizard relations in the entire world…"
Harry eventually stopped listening to Binns and looked through his textbook instead. The general outline of events did match up with Binns's account of the syllabus, from what Harry could see from the index, but the book had devoted far less time to the various goblins rebellions—of which there were seemingly many—than Professor Binns had, which surely meant that Binns would cover, over the next three years, every goblin rebellion in as much detail as the First Goblin Rebellion, with barely any time spent learning about other things.
Harry did feel that he might be being a little bit uncharitable, but as things stood it seemed to Harry that Binns would be able to make dragons fighting on the Moon as boring as everything else that came out of his ethereal mouth, and he wasn't inclined to be charitable.
"I didn't believe everyone when they said it would be boring," whispered Theodore when Binns paused after mixing up one goblin for another and forgetting his place in the lecture, "but he really is just as boring as they said."
"Some of the stuff sounds interesting," said Harry, "I just wish he didn't teach it. We've got this for three whole years." Unlike their other classes which had professors who could, in theory, change year on year, everyone at school suffered through Binns every single year. Except NEWT students, Harry supposed, but they had to do NEWTs.
"It's a waste," agreed Theodore. "I think I'll sneak in a Dictaquill, there's no point listening to this drivel," he muttered. "They don't like lower years using them but it seems like Binns won't even notice."
Then, instead of listening to Binns's arduously slow lecture, Harry and Theodore played noughts and crosses until the end of the lesson—by which time only a single, solitary Ravenclaw was still taking notes out of the entire class.
