Author's note: "Wolves mate for life" was taken from Janetdu's fanfic "I could be the good guy-A JeanLogan journey". Thanks again Janet that you allowed me to cite it! You guys should read that fanfic of hers it's great!
Changes Chapter 23
Mystique grimaced and held her head, her body transforming into hundreds of different mutants and humans. Logan reacted immediately and grabbed her roughly, smashing her against the wall, while he popped his claws again. He gritted his teeth and growled threatening, before he buried them deep into her abdomen and watched her yelling in pain, while she stared at him with in shock widened eyes. His eyes were merciless again. He beast within him enjoyed watching her…
Mystique breathed stertorously and closed her eyes while grimacing again, before she sank to her knees. Logan grabbed her and pulled her up again, his hands holding her throat tightly. "Ever heard about a psychic link?" He loosened his grip and watched as an invisible force smashed her into the wall again. Mystique fell unconscious to the ground, her wounds bleeding heavily.
Scott and the others turned around frowning and gasped. Jean stood proud and strong in the middle of the corridor, her eyes shining orange and red, while a corona of fire covered her body. She had her eyes still fixed on the wounded blue mutant on the ground. Suddenly, she blinked and shook her head slightly. The light disappeared… Finally, her eyes met Logan's again. "It worked…", Jean said calmly.
"Told you so…", he answered and broke eye contact.
She immediately saw his eyes changing… She knew what he was thinking about right now and suddenly she felt bad,…very bad… "Logan, I…"
"Take her to the basement!", Logan cut her off and looked at Beast and Cyclops. "And make sure she stays there!", he added angrily.
"Are you alright?", Jean heard a familiar voice next to her. She turned her head for a very brief moment to look at Storm. "Yeah…", she said dryly and looked away again.
Storm only nodded and looked down, feeling embarrassed. "Okay…" Slowly and not daring to look at Logan, she stepped aside. "Go back to your rooms! We'll meet later again and discuss how we'll proceed", she told the younger X-Men who nodded and disappeared.
"You okay?" Rogue stopped next to Logan, sensing his inner turmoil.
"Yeah…", he answered, still shooting deadly looks at Jean and Storm.
"I wanted to tell them that you were with us the whole time after your left the Dangerroom…", she told him, since she still felt bad about how they treated him. "I'm sorry…"
Logan gave her a look. "YOU don't have to be… Now go and get some rest!"
She nodded and squeezed his hand. "See ya later!"
Storm followed her, wondering if she could ever look at them again without feeling deeply ashamed…
While Mystique was carried away by Scott and Hank, Jean still stood on the same spot, aware of the fact that Logan was looking at her. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so bad… She cursed herself and couldn't believe that she'd fallen for the masquerade… Jean didn't even dare to imagine how much she must have hurt him, by believing that he was capable of such things… Slowly, she looked up at him, meeting his reserved eyes. Yeah, she could tell by the way her looked at her that he was deeply offended… "I'm sorry…", Jean said barely audible and shook her head slowly.
"You alright?"
"Yeah…"
"Good!" Logan walked towards the only empty room, Jean's old room, and opened the door. "Come in!", he said and tilted his head quickly to show her that he wanted her to come to him.
Slowly and with her heart kicking into high gear, Jean obeyed and walked up to him. After she'd entered, she heard him closing the door. Still, she didn't turn around to face him. She fixed her eyes on the floor and swallowed.
Logan didn't say anything either. He only folded his arms in front of his chest. He wasn't angry with her…it was far worse. She'd absolutely betrayed his trust and he was deeply disappointed in her… "How could you believe her, Jean?", Logan finally asked, his voice barely audible.
Jean slowly turned around. "I'm sorry…" She shook her head again and looked down.
He snorted and also shook his head, while biting his lips. "I don't get it…", he said and looked at her. "I really don't get it…"
"Logan…", Jean began and stepped forward, but he backed off. Despair was mirrored on her face.
"Do you trust me that much, Jean?", he asked calmly and she immediately felt her eyes getting wet. "Do you really believe I could do this to you…?"
"How should I've known that it was a ploy?", she asked in return and looked him directly into his distant eyes.
"By thinking!", he shot back harshly.
Offended, she looked down. "I don't have your senses, Logan… I only saw you standing in front of me and telling me to leave…" Jean said calmly, despite her inner turmoil.
"That's the point!", he said.
"What?"
"You saw!", he answered.
"What else should I've done?", she asked in despair.
"Thinking!", Logan grunted. "Jean, what do you think of me? Honestly?", he asked and snorted. "Do you really believe that I kill you to save you, endure the pain and nightmares it caused, support you after you came back and let Magneto kill me to play for time, so that the others can protect you? And just for what!", he asked angrily and louder, while staring at her. "To get you in my bed? To annoy Scott?" He shook his head in disbelief. "If my only interest in you was to fuck you, I would have done it in the lab the first day we met and that's it! Do you really think I would have cared about you or the school if that was my aim! That's the way I was, Jean! That's the way I treated woman before I met you! So how could you believe this crap? Do you honestly believe that I would leave you? Especially, when you're pregnant with our kids!" He had to break eye contact. He became too furious about it…
"I'm sorry…really, Logan I am…", Jean sobbed and looked at him pleadingly. "But I only heard you say those things…and it hurt so damn much… I couldn't think any further…"
He leant against the wall. "You also believed the story with Storm…" Logan saw how much she suffered, how sorry she was and that she meant it…, but part of him, the part that still felt the pain and disappointment because of her lack of trust, couldn't forgive her so easily… He recalled Scott's words in the basement when he'd came out of the Dangerroom. He really asked himself if her ex was right…
Jean sobbed again and had wrapped her arms around her body. She couldn't bear the look he gave her anymore… "What do you feel for me, Jean?", she heard him ask and looked up at him frowning. "You know that…"
Logan shook his head. "I told you back then…, but you never told me…" He waited for her answer, buts he only stared at him. He chuckled in disappointment. "Is sleeping with me your way of saying thank you for saving you on Alcatraz?", he asked sarcastically. "Or do you stay with me, because I'm the only one who can kill you if you have one of your really bad days?"
Jean's heart nearly broke in her chest. She couldn't believe that he thought about her like that just now… Everything between the two of them went suddenly completely wrong… "How can you say that…?", she asked in shock.
"Then tell me!", Logan demanded calmly and put his hands to his hips. She could only stare at him in disbelief, while tears were still running down her cheeks. "Fine…", he hissed and turned around to open the door. Just as he had his hand on the doorknob, Jean wrapped her arms around him from behind and leant her head against his back. He looked down, hoping she would say the words he wanted to hear from her so desperately…
"How can you say that, Logan?", Jean only asked. "I know that I hurt you, but how can you question my feelings for you?"
Logan pushed her arms away a bit. "How?", he asked angrily and turned around to face her. "First, the fur ball has to tell me that I am going to be a father, because you thought I would be the asshole everyone thinks I am and would leave you alone. And you can't tell me you didn't know about you being pregnant before, Jean! You're a doctor! Then I caught you kissing Scooterboy twice and at the very end you believe the crap Mystique told you… What comes next?", he asked bitterly. "Did I have an affair with Rogue and she's carrying my child, too? Why can't you just trust me, Jean? Why!"
She looked at him while sobbing heavily and bit her lip. "I do trust you…"
"Really? Well, I didn't noticed a thing…", he shot back sarcastically, while his heart ached. "I would have wanted you to tell me that…", he added more calmly and nodded towards her belly.
"What did you expect me to do?", Jean asked in pain. "It was you who said that he doesn't want to have children…"
"I was angry, Jean!"
She snorted. "I thought you always mean what you say…!"
He sighed. "In that particular moment, I didn't!"
"Then why did you say it?", Jean asked not understanding him. "Why?", her voice was barely a whisper.
"Because…", he began but broke off. He hated to talk about his own feelings.
"Because?"
"Because I'm scared!", Logan finally said and sighed again. He shook his head and looked down, running a hand through his hair.
"Why?", she asked in confusion.
He snorted. "Come on, Jean! Me and kids…"
"So you're not happy…, she asked sadly, being afraid of his answer.
"Of course I am…"
"Then what are you afraid of?", Jean asked calmly and noticed that he felt uncomfortable in this situation.
Logan didn't look at her. He hated admitting his fears. Nevertheless, she deserved to know it. "To fail…", he finally said barely audible.
Gently, Jean laid a hand on his cheek. Being touched by his admission, she was also surprised that, despite his rough and self assured outer appearance and behavior he was scared of something so naturally and also hunted and scared by his insecurities. When she began to stroke his cheeks, he looked up. "Me, too…", she admitted to him. Finally, she sighed. She noticed the mistakes both of them did. They needed to talk and she wanted to be honest with him. She could understand his anger now, since she hadn't noticed that she had never admitted her feelings for him… She had always thought he knew about the way she felt for him and didn't dare to imagine what he must have felt in the past months… "Logan,…"she began and he watched her closely. "…I was afraid to tell you about the pregnancy because…after the things you'd said, I…I thought you would leave me… I was afraid to lose you…" He only kept on looking at her, even when she began to cry again. "I couldn't stand losing you again, because…because I love you, Logan… I wouldn't have stayed with you otherwise! I could never use you like that… I could never bear hurting you…" Jean waited for a reaction of him. "I've always loved you…"
He only stared at her expressionless, watching a single tear running down her cheeks, while she still stroked his cheek. His heart was nearly exploding in his chest…
Jean first thought he wouldn't forgive her, since he didn't move… "We're just about to destroy everything…", she thought sadly. Offended, she looked down, as his hands gently touched her chin. Before she was able to realize it, his lips touched hers softly.
Logan pulled her as close as possible. With his eyes closed, he deepened the kiss, his hands caressing her back. He felt the psychic link rebuilding itself, which he had shut down before in disappointment. He felt her thought and emotions rushing into him, overwhelming him, while he gave her everything he had and could… Her tears wetted his cheeks and he began to kiss them away, before she rested her head against his chest. Listening to his fast beating heart, she closed her eyes and he pulled her tight, burying his face into her hair. "I love you…", Logan whispered barely audible.
Jean smiled softly. "I love you, too…" Suddenly, she winced and grimaced in pain.
"What's wrong?", he asked worriedly and watched her holding her belly. "Jean?"
She took a deep breath and tried to ease the pain. "I'm fine…", she said while opening her eyes again. "Someone kicked me, that's all…" Jean looked up at him. He wasn't convinced. "Really, Logan, I'm fine!"
Logan stepped closer, resting a hand on her abdomen. "You sure?", he asked insecurely, led her to the bed and helped her to sit down on it, while he kneeled in front of her.
"Yeah…", she nodded supporting herself with her hands on the mattress. "Someone just had fun to kick my rips…"
Slowly, Logan stretched out his hand again. She knew what he wanted to do and covered his hand with hers, leading him in his search. Jean placed their hands on the spot and watched hi face while he waited. Suddenly, he smiled and she could tell that it was one of the rare smiled of him, which reached up to his eyes.
"Hey, bub…", Jean heard him say barely audible, but still she shivered by the sound of his voice… Stop kicking your mommy, that's already my job!"
"Is it, eh?", Jean asked playfully and raised an eyebrow.
"'f course it is…" Logan said and kissed her again, before he laid down next to her.
"That's news to me, actually…"
He chuckled and stroked her back again. "So I guess we've to stay here overnight, huh?"
"So it seems…", she said, thinking about the events of the day. "Logan…?"
"Huh?"
"You would have seriously done it, wouldn't you?"
He frowned and raised his head up a bit. "Done what?"
"Exchanging me for you…"
"'f course I would've done it…"
Jean felt a stitch in her heart. "He would have killed you…"
"Probably…"
Jean pulled him closer. "Thanks for helping me out…"
"Well, wolves mate for life…", he said and kissed her again. "And besides…it was you and the cubs, don't forget that…"
"Logan…", she said while resting her hands on his chest and looking down at him. "We're no animals…"
He pulled a strand out of her face and put it behind her ear again. "Scooterboy thinks I am…", he said dryly.
"You're not! He doesn't know you…"
"I'm sorry…", Logan suddenly said and traced her features, which made her shiver again.
"For what?", Jean asked softly.
"That you'd to see him…", Logan said calmly.
She waved off. "You've also seen my worse side, Logan… And I trust you…"
He shook his head. "He didn't recognize you, Jean… I could have seriously hurt you…"
"No, you wouldn't have…"
"What makes you so sure about it?", he asked frowning and sat up, supporting his weight and hers with his arms in the mattress.
"Even Wolverine would recognize his mate and his cubs…", she teased him.
He chuckled and kissed her hungrily. "You're amazing, you know that?", Logan suddenly said softly and she blushed.
"Thanks to you…", Jean whispered. "You helped me through it…"
"I told you you're strong… And besides, you beat that blue bitch, too…"
"Do you think she's still alive?"
"I bet she's! Last time I stabbed her hear and she survived…", he grunted and he immediately had to think about the tent in the woods again. Suddenly, Jean looked up at him. "Shit,…don't tell me I was sending…"
"Actually, you were…", she said frowning, but also shocked.
"Sorry, but…", Logan hesitated, not knowing how he could explain that mess to her. Then, his eyebrow shot up, as he noticed her embarrassed and blushed face. She felt ashamed. Abruptly, Logan sat up a bit when it hit him. "No…"
"I'm sorry…", Jean began and took his hands into hers. "Please, Logan, I didn't know it wasn't you!"
"Jean, didn't you see the scars? I can't have some…" He could neither believe that Mystique had tried the same trick with her, nor, and this one shocked him the most, that she'd fallen for it…
"Well,…you hadn't taken your clothes off…"
"She!", he corrected her and was still staring at her in disbelief.
Jean bit her lip. She really must have pissed off some higher being that their reconciliation never lasting long lately. Somehow, new problems seemed to be lurking around every corner and she was so lucky to catch them… Now she'd hurt him again. "I'm sorry…", Jean said again. "Now you're mad again…"
"Yeah!", Logan said, still looking at her. "I can't believe that this bitch tried it with you, too…" He paused for a moment. "I'm so gonna kill her…", he hissed and clenched his fists.
"Please, forgive me…", he heard her suddenly say and saw her despair. "I'm not mad at you… I'm mad at me that I hadn't tried it myself…"
Frowning, she looked up and saw him smirking. "Well, I wished you had…" Then she was smirking, too, after he raised an eyebrow. "I was pretty disappointed afterwards…", Jean added trying to hide her grin.
With a seductive smirk, he wrapped his arms around her. She could bet that she saw a slight trace of satisfied victory in his eyes… Immediately she knew who the loser was… "So,…", Logan began and satisfied he saw her reaction to his low and husky voice, which was mirrored in her skin. "…you do not only think that the original is much better,…you also betrayed Scooterboy…" His heart jumped by this insight. He only wished it had been him and not Mystique back then…
Jean blushed. "That pretty much sums it up…" She had felt so guilty after it had happened…, but still she'd wanted it so desperately… It had already been so hard for her tp push him away after they'd kissed at the Blackbird…
"So?", he asked and waited for her to answer his question.
"What?", she asked in confusion.
"I'm better?", he teased her smirking.
Jean smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Much better…"
Logan chuckled and kissed her. "That was the right answer!" He let go of her. "I'll get our stuff…"
She sat down on the edge of the bed and watched him leaving. "Logan…?"
He stopped and turned around, sensing that she wanted to ask him something of importance. "What?"
"When I was gone…", Jean began and looked down, unsure of how to ask him that. "Did 'Ro and you…
"No!", he cut her off and shook his head. "Jean, I said I love you…"
"I'm just trying to understand why she…" She broke off.
"Back then the only things I did was locking myself up in my room and trying to get drunk to forget…", Logan admitted to her. "And besides,…I've no interest in her…"
Jean looked up at him and smiled. "Thanks…" He gave her a short smile. "Oh and, Logan…"
He stopped again. "You still wanted to tell me something… You'd promised it months ago…"
Logan nodded. "Haven't forgotten about it… I'll just get the stuff and then we'll talk…"
So, that was Chapter 23. 24 and 25 are already written. : ) But not typed up. ; )
Hope you enjoyed this one. I know it was much talking… Hope it wasn't too much!
Thanks for all those nice reviews: ) You really keep me going. I enjoy writing a lot, especially after taking a brake of more than 2 years from it. Thanks again for your support!
