Still not mine :0(

Hanson pulled his car into the school parking lot and let out a frustrated sigh as he pulled out the thick glasses he had been hiding behind for the past few days. Squinting through the lenses he surveyed the campus for Mike.

"So how's the head Tom?"

"I don't have a hangover ok." he replied through gritted teeth.

"Why the hell would you be sleeping on Penhall's couch if you weren't too drunk to drive home last night?"

"Because Harry, we can't bear to be apart ok! Can we go to work now?"

"Is there something you're not telling me Hanson?"

"Ok so I had a hangover. Last time I checked it wasn't against the law." he snapped.

"Alright! I'll let it go". Then smiling playfully Harry said "Hey Tom"

"What?"

"You know those glasses magnify your eyes beautifully!"

"Will you just go to work!" Hanson said smiling and aiming a half hearted backhand at Harry, relived to see some hint of a thaw.

"Hey Tom!" came a voice from across the yard.

"Mike! Hey this my friend Harry Choi, the source I mentioned."

"Oh yeah. So you help Tommy here get kicked out of school"

"Among other things", Harry replied.

"Harry could help expand your business." Tom said calmly.

"I don't deal with guys I don't know" Mile replied. "Anyway, you still help with my maths problem Tom?"

Harry looked at Tom in shocked amusement.

"Sure, libary at lunchtime right?"

"Thanks man!" Mike said clapping Tom on the back.

"Maths? You?" Harry mouthed at Tom as Mikes back was turned. Tom shrugged his shoulders and he and Harry followed Mike towards the school.

"Ah, Tom! Feeling better?", the teacher asked as he entered the classroom.

"Yes thank you sir. Just a migraine."

Harry quickly clapped a hand over his mouth to stiffle a wild burst of laughter. Tom gave him a look of mild annoyance.

The library was almost deserted as Tom and Mike took seats as far from the library monitor as possible, so as not to be overheard.

"Why are you so desperate to get in on this? Didn't you just transfer in?"

"Yeah" Tom replied, "But I get bored easy, what can I say?"

"Hey don't get me wrong man, I like you, but I gotta be able to trust someone before getting into stuff like this".

"I understand man!"

"Your friend really has connections"

"His Dad's a very powerful man in China", he replied smiling

"Triads?"

"Hey, I didn't say nothing!", Tom said non commitally.

"What kinda quantity are we talking here?"

"A key at a time."

"Really?"

"Told you he was well connected."

"If I set up a meeting with my guy you think Harry could sort something out?"

"Yeah, course!"

"Ok. It's gonna take some time. Look I gotta go make a quick call, then we'd better get started on this stuff"

"Right man!" Tom said as he watched Mike walk away with a contented smile on his face. "Piece of cake" he said to himself.

"It worked. I'm telling you it's them!" he said

"Are you sure?", came the voice from the other end

"Yeah, pretty boy and a zip head! So any news?"

"They're moving him in a few weeks. You think you can stall them there till then?"

"I don't know. This Hanson is quite the persistant one."

"Really? We hear he has a few issues. Apparently jail didn't agree with his delecate constitution!"

"My heart bleeds!"

"He has guilt issues. Play on that, he might not be in such a hurry to finish with this case. Fancies himself a councellor this one does!"

"Ok. Keep me posted. I want to know when this thing's going down"

"Of course!" Then the line went dead.

"So," Mike began as he returned and took a seat across from Tom. "You sure you wanna get into this."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"I don't get it, you seem like a smart guy. What you wanna get invloved in this stuff for?"

"9 to 5 doesn't really agree with me" Tom replied with a wry smile.

"Yeah, well I'm getting out as soon as I can. Once I get enough money to put down some roots, take care of my Mom, I'm gone."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah. This is a mugs game Tom. I'm just tired of moving around, feeling like I don't belong anywhere."

"I hope it works out for you man, really."

"Thanks. Hey getting the hang of this won't do any harm. So..."

"Yeah sure." Tom smiled.

Later that afternoon as Hanson was filling out the necessary but tedious paperwork that seems to have breeded uncontrolably on his desk, he heard the familiar and ominous bark of his commanding officer calling his name.

"Hanson! My office now, please!"

Shooting an angry glance at Doug sat at the next desk, Hanson followed Fuller into his office.

"Look Captain, i know what you're going to say and I'm sorry it won't happen again. Now if that's all I've got a stack of paperwork..."

"That's not what I want to talk to you about" Fuller interupted. "Sit down"

Tom gave his captain a weary look and sat down across from Fullers desk. The older officer remained standing. Looking down at Hanson, Fuller suddenly felt very protective towards his youngest officer, who at 16 had had to deal with his fathers murder, and now, still only 25, had seen more than most men twice his age. He always seemed so grounded and in control, but there was something about him, probably the youthful face and impossibly innocent eyes, that sometimes gave an air of extreme vunerability.

"You lied to me Tom."

"I'm sorry?"

"You told me everything was ok"

"You've been talking to Doug." he said slighly irritated.

"He's worried about you. So am I. I wish you'd have come to me."

"Look, I'm fine. I just needed to get some things off my chest. I talked things through with Doug and he actually said some things that made alot of sense."

"Like what?"

"That I can't be responsible for other people making the wrong choices."

"Now say it like you believe it."

"Coach I'm fine, really."

"We've been here before Hanson! I'm not letting you do this again. I want you to talk to somebody"

"I have."

"I mean a professional Tom."

"I don't need a shrink!"

"I'm referring you to the department pshyciatrist, and this time I want you to go."

"I'm not crazy!" Tom said, a little too loud for Fullers liking.

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Hanson shot him his dirtiest look at hearing this. "I didn't say you were crazy Tom. I just think it could help if you spoke to a disinterested party. Help you see things objectively."

"And what would you like me to tell him Captain?" Tom said, his voice calm and detached. "That I can't get prison out of my head. That I hate who I've become? What?"

"The only thing you have to reproach yourself for is keeping all this to yourself and thinking it will just go away. You're a special person Hanson. You have time for people that others wouldn't give a second thought to. Let people be there for you, ok."

"I don't need a professional Captain. I've got my family."

"Do me a favour. Go once and if you honestly don't think it will help I won't mention it again. Deal?"

"Yeah ok" Tom said dismissively.

"Good man. Oh, and Tom, how are you and Harry getting on?"

"Slowly. This guy doesn't trust easy. But we'll get there."

As Hanson turned to leave the room Fuller called after him "Call the shrink!"

"Yes coach!"

As he closed the door he was immeadiately accosted by Penhall.

"I've got nothing to say to you" he snapped

"I'm sorry man. You scared me, I didn't know what else to do."

"I trusted you Doug. First chance you get you blab to Fuller. Who else have you told?"

"No one. Hey, I thought I was doing the right thing here."

"By betraying my trust!"

"Hey I didn't know what to do!", he said putting his hands on Tom shoulders as he tried to walk away, easily restraining his smaller friend. "You know I'm here if you need me"

"So you can report everything back to Fuller!"

"I'm serious Tom!" he shouted as Hanson stormed out of the door and headed for his car.

Hanson drove around for hours trying to put off going home for as long as possible, but after three hours of driving aimlessly and his gas meter reading next to nothing, he pulled up outside his apparment building and killed the engine. He sat there staring at the buildling, his eyes finding the window that belonged to his appartment.

"Don't be an idiot Hanson!" he scolded himself, "This is your home, get a grip!"

He climbed out of his car and made his way to the door. Putting the key in the lock, he suddenly felt a huge weight on his shoulders. He took a deep breath and entered the room, groaning as his eyes found yesterdays dirty dishes. The appartment was a mess, so just as an excuse to stop thinking he began to aimlessly tidy things away, but gave it up as a bad job as he realised he really didn't care what state the place was in. Instead he began flicking through numerous TV chanels, but being unable to find anything that didn't make him want to vomit, switched off the TV and sat listening to the silence of the appartment. He remembered his mom had left a message on his answering machine, but thinking of the inevitable "how are you Tommy" conversation he dismissed that idea too.

As he was begining yet another circuit of his living room there was a knock on the door. Letting out a irritated sigh he went to open the door to the sight of a very harrased looking Judy Hoffs.

"Can I come in?", she asked.

"No!"

"Tough."

"What do you want?" Tom snapped.

"I wanted to see you. You've not been around much lately and I want to know what's going on with you Hanson"

"There's nothing going on."

"Don't give me that. You practically ripped Penhalls head off and look at the state of this place."

"First of all, Doug can be irritating at the best of times, and whatever it was about is between me and Doug. Secondly," he said trying to smile at her, "this is the best my place has looked in months. I'm sorry Jude. I'm on a frustrating case and it's just starting to get to me."

"Yeah?"

"Kids just not biting! Besides those glasses give me a bitch of a headache." he smiled warmly at her.

"I guess Harry's attitude isn't helping much either."

"Yeah, well, he'll get over it."

"You should talk to Doug, he was really upset."

"Yeah, I'm sure!"

"Hanson, he's worried about you."

"Why is everyone suddenly so concerned for my well being? Look at me I'm fine!"

"You look exhausted. I don't like seeing your pretty face look so drawn."she said

"That's just cos I'm getting old." he said trying to lighten the mood. "Well as you're here anyway, you wanna stay for a beer Jude?" he asked suddenly

"Yeah sure." she smiled. "It's been a while since I had a hot date."

"The hottest, baby!" Tom said jokingly.

"Modest too!"

"Of course!" he said handing her a beer.

"I hope Harry's giving you more help than he gave me on our last case".

"Yeah I noticed that! I'm not really top of his Christmas Card list either."

"So?"

"Yeah, I guess he has."

"Oh good, so it's not just me he can't be bothered with." Judy said a little sadly.

"Harry's had a tough year!" Tom said trying to comfort her.

"So have you!" Jude said looking him in the eye.

"Yeah, and Doug's had it so easy!" Tom said sarcasticly, then seeing a way to steer the conversation away from him he said softly, "you haven't exactly had a fun year either. Look we've all had a rough time, but we're all getting through it."

"I am, thanks mostly to you guys. You especially Hanson. I never really told you how greatful I was."

"Anytime babe!Hey" he said putting his arm round her and drawing her close as she rested her head on his shoulder."It's nothing. Don't worry about Harry either he'll come round".

"You and Doug seem to be doing ok."

"Me and Doug didn't nearly die."

"Doug lost his wife and you nearly spent the rest of your life jail."

"Doug's got Clavo, he's got to be ok!"

"What about you?"

"Me? I've got my freedom and a refridgerator full of beer!"

"Hanson!" she said fiening impatience. "Harry just seems so distant. The way he laid into you the other day was just so unlike him."

"Yeah well, maybe he had good reason"

"Like what?" she asked eying him with concern.

"Nevermind" he said waving her question away.

" We all used to be so close, told each other everything.You've all been like brothers to me. I know me and Harry aren't as close as you and Doug, but I thought we had a pretty strong friendship. What's changed?" she said becomming tearful as she let out her frustration towards Ioki. Then, remembering why she had come to Tom's appartment in the first place she wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry, I come over to make sure you're Ok and I end up chewing your ear over my problems" she said looking up helplessly into Tom eyes.

"That's why I'm here!" he replied holding her closer.

With a rueful smile she said "Alway's the big brother aren't you Hanson? When are you going to let someone take care of you? You know we're all really proud of you"

Tom suddenly felt like running away. If he had to hear anyone else tell him what a great guy he was he would puke! "Jude..." he began trying to change the subject again.

"Really, Hanson. You've been so brave the way you've had rebuild your life. I don't know if I could have done it. Yet you still find time to take care of the rest of us".

She hadn't been near another man since the rape. She had always felt safe with Hanson, and looking into the kind and much loved face of her friend she suddenly decided she was going to try to take back some of what she lost that night.

Whether it was because they were both feeling so vunerable and in need of comfort or something more, at that moment he couldn't tell. But as their eyes met Judy put a hand up to Tom's face and drew close to him kissing him softly on the lips and working her hands into his hair. For a moment he was stunned and not sure how to react, but before he knew what was happening he was kissing her back.

At first Judy felt annoyed with herself for being so stupid as Hanson remained shocked and rigid, but then she felt him lean in towards her and felt his lips gently pressed against hers. She put her arms tightly around him, breathing him in, the familar pleasant scent she had always noticed whenever he stood near her. She had always wondered what it would be like to be with Tom Hanson, and here she was, in the appartment of one of her best friends, finding herself thinking maybe it wouldn't be so bad if things went further. As he reached up and brushed back her hair and she saw those oh so familiar eyes looking at her she decided that on second thoughts maybe it would.

"Sorry" she said as she gently pulled away. "I don't know why I did that. Probably wasn't the best idea".

"Don't worry about it" he anwsered still a little shocked, if a little bit regretful it didn't last longer. "It's been a while since a beautiful girl hit on me."

"Now that I don't believe Hanson! Have you seen you? Besides I wasn't hitting on you. You got me drunk!" she said teasing him.

"Maybe you should sit over there." he said only half seriously.

"Relax Hanson. You're not that irrisitable!"

"Way to boost my ego Jude. Come here." he said putting his arm round her again.

She settled close to him and rested her head back on his shoulder.

"Jude can I ask you something?"

"Sure. You know you can ask me anything."

"Think about this really hard ok, cos I gotta know."

"What" she said a touch of concern in her expression.

"Who's better me or Doug?"

"Hanson" she said playfully punching him in the arm. "I knew he'd tell you".

"Doesn't matter. I know I'm better cos you made a move on me you Jezabel, Judy Hoffs" Tom said laughing."Thanks for stopping by Jude. it's good to see you."

"Anytime. I love you"

"Yeah, me too."

"So you'll set things right with Doug?"

"After I let him stew for a while, yeah. Hey I've gotta talk to him anyway, how else will we compare notes?"

"Hanson! You dare and..."

"Relax! It goes no futher", he said laughing.

Judy ended up heading home around one with a final order for Tom to talk to Penhall first thing in the morning. Watching her go Tom felt quite lost. Having her there had been a nice distraction. Her parting words turned his thoughts to Doug, and as he closed the door to his appartment and looked anxiously around the empty room he felt ashamed thinking of everything his best freind had been through. Having his wife deported after only five days, then going through hell to get her back only to find he was too late. Tom had been with him all the way and had seen how devestating it had been for him. Now here he was faced with bringing up someone elses child and actually doing a pretty good job. His problems over the past few years had been nothing compared to that, he thought and he couldn't even be alone in his own place without feeling scared and anxious.

Not wanting to face his bedroom, he grabbed a spare blanket from the dresser near the door and settled on the couch, with the T.V on muted just for some semblance of company and eventually fell asleep only to be woken hours later by the now familiar hoarse screams, shaking and sweating. His unkempt hair obscured his vision and it took him a while to realise that the light he could see was not the harsh light of a prison cell but the glow from the static on the TV he had left playing. Filled with shame and frustration he picked up the nearest thing he could find, which happened to be his service revolver, and threw it through the TV screen shattering it to pieces. Just then his eyes rested on the referral notice that Fuller had given him. He picked it up and studied it carefully, actually considering calling the guy in the morning. However after staring at it for several minutes he picked it up and walked over to the stove. After lighting it he held the paper to the flame and watched it until there was nothing left but a smoking pile of ash.