I haven't stolen them, I'm borrowing without permission, with every intention of giving them back (well, maybe!)
For what seemed like hours the doctor had prodded and poked and asked Tom what seemed like a thousand inane questions, like do you know what your name is? Who's the president?. Questions which normally he would have found unbelieveably irritating, but being so tired and wanting only to rest answered the doctor's questions as quickly as he could. He had been somewhat surprised when the doctor had asked him what the date was, to find it was now june and he had lost nearly five weeks.
"How you feeling honey?" Margaret asked when the doctor had finally left, but not before promising a round of scans and x-rays once he was strong enough.
"Tired" he said simply.
"Ok. We'll go and let you get some rest." she said, kissing his forehead, before turning to Doug and signalling him from the room. "We'll only be down the hall if you want us"
"I'll see you later buddy. Ok?"
"Doug, can you stay?" he asked trying to sit up. Doug looked uncertainly over at Margaret, silently asking her approval.
"It's ok!" she said smiling kindly at Doug. "See you soon" she said to her son as she left the room.
"Man, you have no idea how much you scared us". Doug said taking a seat by Tom, who was struggling to keep his eyes open.
"Sorry. Doug?" he said, his voice deadly serious and forcing his heavy bloodshot eyes to focus on his friend.
"What is it? Doug asked anxiouosly
"I really have to pee!" he said as the shadow if his usual bright smile appeared on his haggard face. Doug was relived to be able to finally find his friend hiding somewhere in this weak broken young man lying infront of him.
"I can't help you there man!" Doug said as they both began to laugh, if for nothing other than total relief. Tom let out a gasp and his face twisted in pain.
"Hey, you ok?" Doug asked concerned.
"I guess it hurts to laugh!" Tom said trying to reassure his friend.
"Should I fetch the doctor."
"God no! It's almost as bad as being interogated by Fuller. I'm too tired for that." he said once again that faint smile appearing for a split second. "Oh god, Doug, I feel like I've just done a thousand tequilla slammers. What have they got me on?" he asked as he awkwardly tried adjust his position to be able to look at where the line in his arm was coming from, but unable to support his own weight.
"Morphine, I think."
"Wow! Sky high undercover cop!"
"Hey, stay still, man, you're gonna pull that out." Doug said as he took hold of Tom's shoulders to prevent him from trying to sit up and genlty forcing him back down. He was a little distressed at how weak he seemed but he told himself that was to be expected.
"Doug, I need to move!" he said, the familiar impatience begining to surface, which also gave Doug further encouragement that his friend was going to be ok.
"What's wrong?"
"I have been lying here a little while you know" Tom said trying to comunicate with his eyes, which were still a little glazed and distant.
"Yeah, I know, but you've only just come round , you can't just get up and go."
"I know! That's not what I mean."
"What? Oh!" Doug said as he slowly realised what Tom meant. He stood up and gently helped Tom to shift his weight. "Did you keep that pillow I bought you, cos, you know If you want I could go fetch it,might help." he said with a sly smile.
"Help what?" Tom asked a little confused.
"The sores."
"Sores? No man, just take the pins out of this...thing...what's it called?"
"Err, bed? God, Hanson you really are out of it!"
"No I'm not, that's why it hurts!" then he squinted his eyes as he looked at his partner and let out a strange giggle that Doug could only discribe as disturbingly girlish. "There's three of you, and what's with your hair? It's awful!"
"I'm going to put that down to the morphine."
"Is that what's making my head feel so weired?"
"Come on Tom focus, man! I can't make any sense of what you saying. Maybe I should let you sleep."
Tom's hand shot out and grabbed his arm as he got up to leave. There wasn't much strength to be able to hold him there but noticing Tom's eyes clear for a moment as he did this was enough to make him sit down again.
"Don't Doug, I wanted to talk to you about something. Oh god, this stuff messes you up."
"What is it?"
"Harry. Is he really ok?"
"Yeah. I mean, he was a little shaken and worried about you like the rest of us, but he's fine."
"Why was he the only one who stayed away?" Tom asked, for the moment completely aware and coherent. Doug decided to answer quickly and make the most of this moment of clarity before he trailed off again.
"How do you know that?"
"Heard you all"
"Wow, that's really true eh?"
"Hmmm"
"He got it into his head what happend to you was his fault."
"That's ridiculous! How can he be responsible for Crane reacting the way he did, and what I did was my choice. He can't be responsible for other peoples actions ...". He suddenly stopped mid sentence and the look on his face was so comical that Doug couldn't keep from laughing this time.
"I've been an idiot haven't I?" Tom said
"Just a bit" Doug replied smiling warmly.
"What bit?" Tom asked strangely as he drifted off again.
Doug chuckled stood up and said "You get some sleep and I'll see you when you come down ok?"
"Hey, Doug, you know what?"
"What?" he answered still grinning stupidly
"I think I'm really drunk" Tom said sleepily as his head sunk into the pillows and his eyes drifted shut. Doug sat there with his arms on the edge of the bed and his head resting on his arms watching his friend to confirm that he was still breathing ok, smiling at the bizare conversation he had just had with him.
"Doug? You still there?" Tom asked in that same sleepy voice minutes later.
"Yeah I'm here" he said putting his hand on Tom's.
"Can you stay?"
"Sure!" he replied, "You rest, I'll be here." Shortly after Tom's slow steady breathing confirmed he was asleep Doug gave into his own exhustion and allowed his own eyes to slowly close.
This was how Judy found them hours later. She stood in the doorway, fondly watching the scene before her. Tom's head tilted slightly towards his partner, who was resting close by, with his hand still holding on to Tom's.
"Hey, sleeping beauty!" she said softly in Dougs ear, so as not to wake her frail friend who was still sleeping peacefully.
"Hey" Doug said looking at her through sleep fuzzed eyes. "Where's Mrs H?"
"Oh she's around. She sat with you both for awhile, didn't want to wake you, she's just gone for coffee and something to eat. I don't think she's had a proper meal or proper nights sleep in over a month, and she's not the only one." She said smiling warmly at him. "Fuller, Booker and Blowfish popped by too by the way. They're waiting in reception. Why don't you go and some real sleep. He's safe with me."
"Actually, that's the best I've slept since it happened." he said rubbing absently at his stiff neck. "Maybe you're right" he said. "Just for an hour or two though".
"I can cope" she replied kindly.
"The doctor said we're to let him sleep if he wants to, but we should wake him every so often, you know, keep his head functioning".
"Doug, we all love him too. Stop worrying, I'll take care of him."
"Just keep an eye on him Judith!"
"He can hear you!" came the quiet sleepy voice from behind them. "And he doesn't need keeping an eye on cos he's not going anywhere." he said waving his hand weakly to point out the IV. "Unless you think I can carry my accessories around with me."
"Sorry" Doug said with a sheepish smile. "Oh, Jude?" he said signaling to her to follow him into the hallway.
"Yes Penhall!" she said with indulgent impatience. "
"Just so you know, he's kinda out of it cos of the pain medication. When he does talk, he's not making much sense"
"Nothing new there then. Just go Douglas!"
"Ok"
Judy smiled after him as walked down the hallway, then returned to Tom and said quietly "Sorry it took so long" she said jokingly "You're safe now, he's gone." Hanson however had quickly fallen back to sleep. She looked down at him just to confirm that he was really there and smiled as she settled in the chair beside the bed. She began to leaf through a magazine that had just been tossed in the waiting room, wondering how long she should wait before waking him.
Not long after, Tom awoke to find her sitting folding and unfolding the magazine in her hands. He looked around the room, still in a daze and begining to notice a dull ache in his head and chest. He found himself thinking that this was like his nightmare. Only this time it was the faces of those he knew and loved that were flitting before him, making him feel safe.
"Where's Doug" he asked startling Judy from her thoughts.
"I sent him to get some rest. He looked totally beat. Will I do till he gets back."
"Yeah of course" he said, not sure if he'd hurt her feelings. "I was just worried I'd lost another six months" he said.
"No, just a couple of hours". Then she noticed a grimace of pain twist his delicate features as he tried to move. "Hey, are you in pain?" she said with concern moving closer to his side.
"Little bit" he said. She could hear a slight tremble in his voice as he spoke. "Head hurts", he continued as he closed his eyes.
"Do you want me to get a doctor. They might be able to give you something to help. It's probably wearing off."
"No, messes my head up. Can't think clearly" he said
"Doesn't matter if you're in pain. Anyway, I'm used to you talking nonsense."
"That's Doug's department" he said giving her a sleepy smile, which was quckly replaced as he flinched from the pain in his chest. "Ok maybe you should fetch the doctor".
After the doctor had come and given him another shot of morphine, seeing his distress, Judy came and sat on the bed next to Tom and gently pulled him close to her, keeping her arm around him for comfort as he let his heavy, aching head rest against her.
"Do you have any idea how scared I was of losing you?" she said
"Jude..."
"No, I want to say this before the drugs kick in and you don't remember. If there's one thing this last year has taught me it's that life is too short to leave things unsaid. You are so important to me Hanson. When Evan Roberts did what he did you were the only one I felt I could turn to. Every other guy made my skin crawl by just being near me, even Doug and Fuller. You made me feel safe, you were so amazing through the whole thing and I never thanked you for that, or for watching my place that night"
"You saw?" he said, his voice growing sleepy and distant once again.
"Yeah I saw."
"That why you kissed me? Cos I make you feel safe?"
"No. I kissed you because I wanted to."
"Well in that case we need to have a serious talk, cos you see me and Doug have kind of a thing..." he said, looking at her from under half closed lids the shadow of his familiar teasing smile touching his lips.
"And it won't happen again. We were both upset and I just felt like I should kiss you. I love you Tom Hanson" she said hugging him close, trying not to cause him any discomfort, "But that's as far as you are ever going to get. Besides, Doug would kill me!" she added trying to make the moment less serious.
However as she said this she looked down and realised he had fallen asleep again, the painkilling drugs doing thier work. As she watched him sleep, his thick black lashes grazing his cheeks and an expression of peace and contentment on his still face, to her he looked like an angel and didn't seem to have aged a minute since that day over four years ago. All except his eyes. Over the past couple of years they had seemed older somehow, the eyes of someone who had seen too much too soon. Sure, he had become slowly more jaded and cynical over the years, but it just isn't possible for someone in their line of work to stay as naive and idealistic as he was the day he first walked into Jump Street, but someting in those eyes troubled her the same way as the faraway look in Harry's did. Judy found herself wishing for the time when they had still been as innocent as Hanson looked at that moment. Before Amy, before Ronnie Seebac, James Adaboe, Darline, Tower, Crane and Farrell. Before Evan Roberts, Loach, Marta and El Salvador. Before the city and the policeforce who ridiculed them and claimed they had no need for them had used them up and sucked them dry. The days when they had all smiled and laughed more often, before those smiles and laughter had been replaced by pain and tears. Her mind drifted back to that day just over a year ago when she had been sat in that room in the courthouse listening as they had painted her much loved friend as some kind of cold blooded killer. How she had felt ashamed as she watched him on the stand thinking that she had actually believed he could have done it. She saw the room errupt in chaos as the judge read out the verdict. Mrs Hanson distraught, Doug screaming outraged protests, the defense attorney yelling about unfair trials. Throughout the whole scene Tom had just stood there, calmly looking straight forward, seemingly oblivious to everything around him. He hadn't even flinched when they came to take him away. Judy shuddered and shook her head to be rid of these thoughts. It didn't matter anymore. He was here and he was safe, she told herself, and everything was going to be ok. She gently moved a few stray strands of thick dark hair from Tom's face before kissing the top of his head as he slept peacefully on in her arms.
He was woken not long after as an impatient Adam Fuller, Dennis Booker and Sal Banducci were shown into the room by a very tired but much relieved Margaret Hanson.
"Sorry honey, but I found this mob outside demanding to see you."
"How much sleep do you need Tom, you've been sleeping for a month" Sal said in his usual jovial manner.
"Sally!" Tom said smiling absently at the short scruffy janitor."You haven't been embezeling my winnings while I've been stuck in here have you?"
"Would I?" Sal replied feining offense.
"We've kept an eye on him Tom" Fuller said taking his young officers hand and shaking it enthusiastally dispite Tom's still obvious lack of strengh. "I'm proud of you kid!" he contiued smiling.
"Thanks coach. Am I in trouble?" he asked his captain, looking at him from under heavy eyelids.
"Shit loads, Hanson, but it can wait. Let me just say if you ever try pulling anything like that again I'll shoot you myself." Fuller said grinning.
"Don't worry, I'm in no rush. But next time coach, do me a favour?"
"Sure, what?"
"Don't send me to any more genius academies."
"Will do Hanson" he said grinning.
"So how's the hero?" Booker said flashing his arrogant, but sincere, smile at the still drug muddled Hanson.
"I'm no hero, but I'm still here Dennis" he answered. "How's the arm?"
"It's been better. Hey, Jude, you wanna give some of that this way" Booker said, referring to the fact she was still holding Tom tightly in her arms absently twisting his hair round her fingers.
"In your dreams. I missed him ok? I never missed you" she said with a mischeivious smile.
"We brought you this" Sal said excitedly pulling out a video tape. "I taped the whole pro bowlers tour for you".
"Bowlers tour! You wanna put him back in that coma?". A loud bellow announcing the return of Doug Penhall, followed closely by Harry.
"You moving in on my girl Hanson!" Harry said with a crooked grin.
"You'll always be my favourtie Harry" Jude replied.
"Hey what about me?"
"Sorry Doug, but Tom's the jealous type and I don't think he'd like sharing you."
Margaret sat by her son, holding his hand, smiling contently as she watched her boys friends surround him, listening to their good natured banter. Untill she noticed Tom was begining to drift again, albeit with a semblance of his bright smile on his face.
"You ok Tommy?"
"Yeah, just tired, and I've a bit of a headache."
"Alright guys, out. You've tired him out and the doctors are comming shortly to take him for tests so come on let him rest awhile" she said good naturedly to the rabble surrounding her boy's sickbed.
"See Coach!" came Hansons sleepy voice, "I promised you I'd have my head examined"
"Later Tom!" Fuller said quietly to his disorientated young officer. They hadn't told Margaret the whole story of what had happened that night, he'd decided it was Tom's place to tell her if he ever wanted to. He didn't think this was the best time for it to come out.
"Hey, come on you lot, Doctors orders" Margaret yelled.
This was met by protests and groans from the younger members of the group, until Fuller stepped in to offer Margaret support.
"Seriously guys. Tom only woke up a few hours ago, he's still very ill, let him be for awhile, ok?" They all grudgingly submitted, each saying a cheerful goodbye to Hanson. As Harry turned to leave he heard Tom call after him.
"Harry, don't go"
Ioki turned and eyed him with concern. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just want to talk to you. Mom, do you mind?"
"Sure. I'll go catch up with Adam" she said with a mischievous smile on her face.
"Adam?" her son replied bewildered
"You know, If he wasn't your boss and I was a few years younger..."
"MOM!" Tom said in disgust, in what passed for yelling in his present state.
Mrs Hanson smiled, winked in Harrys direction, before saying goodbye to her son. "I'll be back before the Doctors come to take you down."
"I'll be fine." he assured as she kissed him goodbye.
"Watch him Harry"
"Mom!"
"Sure Mrs H" Ioki replied, then turned to Hanson as she left the room "Fuller?" he said, raising his eyebrows.
"Harry, I'm sick enough thanks!"
Harry smiled, seeing his friend regaining some of his old self. "So what's up Tom" he asked taking a seat beside the bed.
"Help me up will you?"
"Are you sure you should be sitting up?"
"Hey, Iok, please"
Harry stood, got some extra pillows and gently placed them behind Tom to help him into a semi sitting position, noting the pain etched in his face as he moved.
"Are you sure you're ok?"
"Nevermind. Doug says you're having a hard time with this. You know it wasn't your fault right?"
"I know!"
"Harry, don't use that tone on me, I invented that, you're infringing on copyright laws!"
"You ever stop being a cop?" He said trying to change the subject.
"Look Iokage, listen to me while I can still string three words togther ok cos you should now how quick this stuff messes you up! Don't keep blaming yourself for things that aren't under your control. Trust me it doesn't do anybody any good. No one is to blame, situations get out of control and things happen, it's just the way it goes."
"I just feel responsible, I can't help it!"
"You shouldn't. Crane's responsible, not you and not me. Ok?"
"Tom, I'm sorry for everything I said. I was hurting and angry and I just wanted someone else to feel that."
"All forgotten Iokage. What is it?" Hanson asked suspiciously as Harry began to seem nervous.
"I'm going home."
"No problem. Apparently I need to sleep anyway. See you later."
"No Tom" Harry said smiling, "Vietnam".
"Really? Why?"
"I found my grandmother. She wants me to go back."
"I'm pleased for you Harry. Not going anytime soon are you."
"My ticket's booked for tomorrow."
"Ok, we'll all just have to go for a beer before you go. As soon as I'm outta here that is."
Harry just look back blankly as the Doctor and Mrs Hanson entered the room followed by a young nurse who kept sneaking sideways glances at the patient, which he was completely unaware of. They weren't lost on Harry though, who did his best to hide his amusement
"Time for your scan Tom", the doctor said cheerfully, not once raising his eyes from his notes until Mrs Hanson let out a gasp.
"Thomas Hanson, what do you think you're doing? Harry he shouldn't be sitting up."
"Leave him alone mom, I asked to, ok." Tom said slightly irritated.
"She's right Tom" the doctor said as he began to help Tom back down.
"When can I get outta here Doctor, I hate hospitals".
"Not for a while yet. Things like this take time to heal."
Hanson rolled his eyes and turned as best he could to face Harry as the nuse disconnected the line from empty bag from the latest blood transfusion and took hold of the IV drip as the Doctor began to wheel him from the room. "Harry!" he said, sounding a little distressed, "You and me , we're ok yeah?"
"Absolutely" Harry said briefly taking hold of Tom's hand."See you when you get back."
As Tom was rolled out into the hallway he was greeted by shouts from his waiting friends, all of them drowned out however by the bellowing voice of Penhall.
"Hey Tommy, nice wheels, you trading in the Mustang?"
"Thank you Doug" Tom said waving away his freind's comments with a slight smile as they watched him go. Harry soon joined the others and sat next to Doug letting out a deep sigh.
"So how did it go?" Doug asked almost imediately
"Are you two pshycic or something?"
"No, I just know him too well by now. So?"
"Tom doesn't blame me." he said simply and calmly.
"Of course he doesn't! What have I been saying Iokage?"
"I know. I guess if he doesn't blame me it's stupid to blame myself huh?"
"Yep."
"I suppose I just needed to hear him say it." Then a sudden light broke on Harry's face. "Maybe that's what he needs too!"
"What?"
"To be told he's not to blame."
"What are you up to Harry?"
"Nothing. Take care of him Doug!" he said as he sprinted down the corridor and out to his car.
