Disclaimer: Still nothing on the ownership front.
Chapter 17.
A week later
A week later, Karen had been to a couple more session's and she was now sure about what she was going to do, even though sometimes she wasn't sure. She sometimes was hit with doubts, but now she had made an appointment to remove the baby. She couldn't keep it. Everytime she would lay eyes on it, she would be reminded of what she had been through.
It had been a tough time, these last few weeks when she was trying to deal with the rape and the fact that she got pregnant because of that. Now she felt stronger, but the smallest thing could make her doubt or cry or both, and Will refused to move back home as long as she was this fragile. He had promised that he would go with her when she went to the doctor for the abortion, he even promised to be in the room with her if she wanted that.
The night before the abortion was one of those moments that she doubted her decision and Will was there for her. He was laying in her bed with her in his arms in a tight embrace. She was crying, something she seemed to do everyday. She had her arms on his chest and her face buried by his shoulder. Her whole body was shaking.
"Will, call and cancel it. Please" she cried.
"Karen, come on. You made this decision on your own. You can sure cancel the appointment, but remember how you got pregnant? Can you bare to look at the child and know that it was the result of what happened to you?"
He knew he sounded harsh, but it was at the last minute now that she had decided what to do, and if she decided not to do it, it was to late to change her mind in a few days.
She pounded him in the chest and cried even harder and Will's heart broke. He tightened his embrace and started to silently cry himself. His eyes filled with tears and they started to fall down his stubbed cheeks. He hadn't shaved all day.
Together they lay crying, but Karen didn't know that. She still had her face buried by his shoulder. It wasn't until she looked up that she saw that he was crying too. Karen got out of his grip and sat up, only to be followed by Will sitting up.
"Karen, look at me. Look at me" he said and gently grabbed her chin to turn her face so she was looking at him. "I'm really sorry for what I said, but you know that it's to late to change your mind again in a few days. You know that."
Karen raised her hand and slapped his face.
"How can you say a thing like that. It wasn't you who got raped. It wasn't you who got pregnant. It wasn't you that went to the therapist and was more or less forced to talk about it. I've mastered the art of not talking about my feelings for my whole life before this."
"I know that. Grace knows that. Jack knows that. Karen, you can't keep doing that. It's not healthy. It's not healthy to bottle every emotion up. I know by experience."
Karen looked him in the eyes, only to find that he was serious. She also saw a lot of caring and love in those eyes.
"Karen, I'm serious, I know what I'm talking about. It's not healthy to bottle up your emotions. One day it's going to be to much and then you might do something that will change someones life or worse, kill yourself. I can't and I don't want to hear that you've gone."
She looked at him, wondering what he meant by "I know what I'm talking about".
"Karen, before I met Grace, I was struggling to find out if I was gay or not. I never managed to come to terms with that until after I met her and Jack. I hid everything that could resemble emotions about the gayness from myself and everybody else, and it nearly killed me. I got tired of it and I decided to end it" Will said hesitantly. "I swallowed every pill I could find in the house and then I took bottle after bottle of alcohol and drank it. I got dead drunk, but my mom came in and saw me lay unconscious. Luckily she suspected something was wrong and she saw all the liquorbottles and bottles of pills. She called the ambulance and I was saved. It was close though and I was hospitalized for weeks and I was forced to talk to a therapist, but I never admitted to anyone that I was gay, not even myself at that time. That nearly killed me again, but then I met Grace and she helped me to cope even though I never admitted to her at first that I was gay. It wasn't until Jack came in the picture that I admitted to myself and to others that I was gay. He saved my life and I owe him hugely for that, I'm so thankful for him and for Grace, and for you Karen. I love all three of you. Do you understand that?"
Karen just sat and looked at him.
'Wow' she thought 'what a speech.'
"I love you too Will" she said "but what you said was hard and I don't know if I can forgive you for that."
"Look, Karen, I said I was sorry and I really am. You need to do this for you. I'm sorry if I'm harsh, but you have to decide right here and right now: Are you keeping it or are you going to remove it? It's all up to you, but you have to decide right now. Tomorrow there is no turning back. Do you understand?"
"I do Will, but it's so hard. It's a baby and I've always wanted one of my own."
"Yes I know, but you wanted one with Stan, right?"
"Yes, with Stan, but he didn't want one."
"Oh honey" Will said and pulled her to him and embraced her.
She cried a little as she wrapped her arms around him, but not as hard as she had been before. She knew that she had to remove the baby, but making that decision and being one hundred per cent sure it was the right one, that was tough but she had to remove it because if she didn't, she wouldn't be a good mother anyway. She could give the baby up for adoption, sure but when the baby grew up it might want to know who his or her real parents were and when and if he or she found her, she or he would wonder who his or her real father was. What would she say then? That she or he was a result of a rape. That wouldn't be fair to the child either.
"Will, will you come with me tomorrow?" she asked and let go of him to look him in the eyes.
"Of course I will, I have already promised that. Do you want Grace and Jack there too?"
"No, just you."
"They worry about you too you know" Will said looking a bit worried.
"Yeah, I know, but I can't have them there. Not in that place."
"OK, but if you want, I can call them and ask them to be there. They would in a heartbeat you know."
"Yeah, I know. I love them both and I love you for being here for me every step of the way, I don't know what I would do or be without you Will" she said and hugged him tightly.
"I love you Karen, as much as anyone can love someone" Will said and hugged back.
She had big tears in her eyes again, hearing Will say that brought them back. It was nice to hear those three words again; "I love you" those are the words that can work miracles.
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A/N Still not happy with this chapter or chapter 15 and 16, but I don't know what to write really so this is what came up. Obviously I have no idea what I'm writing but I hope you all like it and I apologize if anyone thinks anything is inaccurate. Karen has to decide and that's why some things might be a bit to rushed.
R&R people, R&R.
