Author's Note: If I didn't make this clear enough the first time, this is definitely AU. I just don't have the heart, will, or desire to kill Sirius off... As for the kitten, they really do smirk. I taught mine how to and I figured that Sirius would do the same.
Remus's Misadventures In Kitten-sitting: Part Two
Remus sat at the table staring at the kitten. The oversized dust-bunny from Hades stared back. Remus glared. Stalker glared back. Remus glared his most evil, werewolf-ish glare...and broke his quill. The Demon Fuzz-ball had the audacity to smirk.
Remus then referred to Stalker as something that cannot be written in a K-rated (possibly even an M-rated) fan-fic on this or any site. The kitten now bore the look of a two year old that was about to run and tell on him to Mummy...or in this case Sirius.
"That's stupid," Remus chided himself aloud. "He couldn't tell Sirius, even if understood what I was saying. Could you?" he added smugly to the kitten.
Now if Stalker had genuinely blessed with the gift of communication, he would have said something to the effect of: "You want to bet, Wolf-boy?" Or at least that's what Remus thought. But it was just his imagination, right? I mean Stalker was just a normal kitten...an evil, smirking, smarmy kitten that would probably drive him to the St. Mungo's mental ward (if Sirius didn't do that first), but it was still just a kitten. Right?
Apparently not. As soon as Remus had any thoughts of Stalker's theoretical innocence, the feline embodiment of the Devil leapt from the table, knocking Remus's cup of tea over in the process. Not only did this ruin one of Remus's favorite beverages, it also effectively destroyed the letter he had been writing to his former Transfiguration professor.
Stalker, politely positioning himself on the floor, looked up at Remus with the most innocent look he could muster...which was actually quite innocent looking really. But after all these years of Sirius, Remus wasn't about to fall for that one.
He quirked an eyebrow and looked down at the feline Marauder. "If I didn't know better," he said dryly, "I'd say you did that on purpose."
"Good thing you don't know better, then, now isn't it?" Stalker thought. Or at least that's what Remus thought he thought. Oh, Merlin, this kitten was making him delusional!
Unfortunately, while he was dwelling on these thoughts, Stalker lived up to his name and quietly crept from the room. By the time Remus snapped out of his self-argument, the Hell-kitten had completely disappeared from view.
"Oh, bloody--" His 'musings' were cut off by the sound of a thundering crash coming from the living room. Ready to pull out both his hair and wand, just to get it over with, Remus skulked into the other room. He stifled a groan as he saw the damage.
Stalker had successfully toppled over an entire pile of Defense books that he had been alphabetizing. The entire floor was now covered in wrinkled and ripped paged tomes that he now would need to sort through and organize all over again.
Stalker looked up at him ever so innocently. "Well, aren't you cute," Remus mocked. "I'd hate for you to be 'accidentally' killed in a freak book accident."
"I know I'm cute. I'd hate to die." Remus held at his ears furiously. This kitten was severely messing with his head. If he didn't know better he'd say that this was some Death Eater from the war brought back to torment him! Then again, he had doubts that even Sirius's "mummy-dearest" would be this cruel.
Whether or not this was stress talking or the kitten somehow telepathically communicating with him, Remus no longer cared. All he knew was that he had to get through the rest of the afternoon with both himself and the possessed kitten from the ninth circle alive.
Because Remus had a feeling that if Stalker were to suddenly disappear into, say the woods around Remus's old flat or the Forbidden Forest (or perhaps a four foot deep hole he had dug in one of them), that Sirius would be highly put out. And frankly having Sirius suddenly morph into an irate Molly Weasley was an experience he only wanted to have once in his life.
Now if he could just make sure that this job didn't kill him before the day was over...
By the time he snapped out of these thoughts, however, Stalker had once again disappeared. Cursing himself for not hearing it (he was a werewolf, darn it!), he realized that the kitten was nowhere to be seen whatsoever. Instead of a feeling of supreme relief, though, all Remus felt was extreme terror.
The feline-child of Lucifer and Lillith was alone in the house. Remus stood up slowly from his crouch, to prevent a sneak-attack if need be. He quickly took in the room again, hoping to have missed something. He didn't. Stalker had once again disappeared.
