A/N: Cross-posted from and remastered/polished up a bit, as most chapters were posted with just one read-through/spell-check. And yes, I am the original author, and I have given myself full permission to post these (that may be subject to change however; I'm a very flip-floppy person.) I wanna finish this, but I also wanna clean the chapters up a bit before I do. Also, fun fact, this chapter was outlined right after the world premiere of the show, then finished while watching the second episode's premiere. Most changes are minute, just some re-wording, grammar checks, and an update since I've changed Carrie's appearance since these were posted. Anyways, enjoy!

The universe is filled with billions of extraterrestrial beings, many of them new and undiscovered! But one man named Dandy plans on finding and registering them all! He travels the universe with his crew and amazing pompadour in search of adventure, excitement, and boobies! These are the adventures of the dandiest guy in space, Space Dandy!

"The dandiest guy in space!? That's not even close to something the shows narrator would say!" QT, a small vacuuming robot yelled as he read the opening sequence.

"What the hell are you talking about? He sounds like our same old narrator to me," Dandy replied. He lounged on the couch, picking his nose with his pinky.

"Only two episodes have aired and we're already starring in lame fanfiction from untalented unknown writers," QT complained as he used his vacuum hands to suck up some old paper off the floor.

"Hey, he's keeping me in the story, so I'm not complaining," Dandy's third crewmember, Meow the cat-like Betelgeusian alien remarked as he stuffed a paw full of potato chips in his mouth.

"Not even a paragraph in and I'm already bored," Dandy complained. "Let's go to Boobies and grab us a bite to eat!"

"But Dandy," QT replied. "We're broke! How are we going to pay for our meal?"

Dandy stared at his robot sidekick, and then glanced over at Meow, who was still stuffing his face with potato chips.

"I think I know how we can get some fast cash…" Dandy finally answered, rubbing his enormous chin.

Fifteen minutes later, the crew stood at the front of the line at the Space Alien Registration Center, a large outpost that registers rare and newly-discovered alien species. Dandy shoved Meow in the red-headed registrar's face, the potato chip bag he was eating from earlier shoved over his head and machine parts sticking out of the sides.

"This is humiliating," Meow muttered.

"That is a Betelgeusian in a potato chip bag," the lady at the registrar desk said, not amused.

"No it's not!" Dandy lied. "He's a, um… some kind of potato chip alien we found on the lost planet, Fritos Lay! Now where's my reward money?" The registrar lady just took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes.

"I told you this wouldn't work," QT mumbled.

"I'm sorry, Dandy, that's obviously not a new species." The registrar lady removed the bag from Meow's head.

"C'mon Scarlet, surely you can give me just a little money for him?" Dandy asked, flashing his teeth, trying to make himself look extremely handsome.

"Don't make me call the guards," Scarlet threatened as she slid her glasses back on. The red-head let out a sigh. "Look, if you need money this badly, I can give you a job." She opened her desk drawer and pulled out an old-looking file. "One of our rarest alien species went missing about a year ago, and we need to find her to update her registry. Her name is Carrie, and she's the last of a now-extinct humanoid species known as Sepians." She threw the file on the desk, its contents flying open.

Dandy examined the contents. There was a lot of data, including blood type, a baby picture of the lost Sepian, a photo of her human step-parents, and several medical records. There were also several DNA samples sealed in a little baggie containing a strand of her hair and a large, jade green reptilian scale.

"So, what kind of reward are we talking about?" Dandy asked.

"I'd have to take that up with my boss," Scarlet answered as she began filing her nails. "But I would guess it's considerably large."

Dandy's eyes turned to dollar signs. "I'll get right on it!" He snatched the file and turned to leave, but Scarlet stopped him.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, those pictures are outdated! She's probably around nineteen years old now!" Dandy just waved back at her, wearing a smug smile across his face.

"That was quite a convenient plot twist," QT stated.

"So, where do we start looking for this chick?" Meow asked. Dandy skimmed the contents of the file again and closed it, a confident smile across his face.

"I have no idea!" Dandy announced. "I thought maybe we could just warp a bunch of places and hope we bump into her."

"We could always ask around," QT suggested. "That's always worked before."

"Hmm, yes," Dandy said, stroking his chin. "And I know just where to start!"

"Let me guess, it starts with a 'Boob' and ends with an '-ies'," QT mumbled.

"Good guess!" Dandy replied, boarding his ship with his crew.

The Aloha Oe's engines roared as it pulled from its docking station. The yellow canoe-shaped ship flew deep into space towards Dandy's favorite eatery, Boobies.

Boobies is a chain of restaurants similar to our modern-day Hooters, typically orbiting the most breath-taking planets in space, giving its customers an outstanding view of the beauty of outer space. However, most customers visit the restaurant for one- make that two- things. The workers were all shapely, well-endowed humanoid women who wore skimpy bikinis and very large cup-sizes. As for the food, it was mediocre at best, but that obviously didn't stop patrons from doing business there.

Dandy strolled into the restaurant proudly, ogling every jiggling waitress that walked by. The booths and bar were filled with aliens of all different shapes and sizes. Outside, a blazing orange, close-by star illuminated the windows, almost outshining the lewd breastaurant's bright, neon lights. Dandy walked up to the bar, Meow and QT following close behind him. He stopped in front of a busty, blonde waitress wearing a nametag that read "Honey."

"Checking in at Boobies," Meow said to himself as he typed on his cell phone and snapped a selfie.

"Dandy!" Honey beamed when she saw Dandy standing in front of her. "Where have you been? It's been three days since your last visit!"

"I've been a little short on cash, but now I've got a job looking for a missing alien," Dandy explained, staring at Honey's chest. He tossed the file on the counter and Honey opened it.

"Aw, what a cute little girl," Honey cooed when she saw the baby pictures inside. "And she's gone missing?"

"Yup, and we're trying to find her," Dandy replied, lighting himself a cigarette. "Have you heard anything about it?"

Honey read through the file. "Yeah, the name looks familiar. I remember someone with that name that came in looking for a job back when I worked at the Boobies in Andromeda." Honey handed the file back to Dandy. "The boss said was the worst employee they'd ever seen. She was really destructive and kept eating everything, so they fired her."

"I see," Dandy replied, staring at the photograph from the file. "Do you know if they'd have any record of her?"

"I don't see why they wouldn't. But you'd have to go to the Boobies in Andromeda and talk to the manager there. He should be able to help." Honey poured Dandy and Meow a drink and set it in front of them. "On the house!" She said with a wink. Dandy and Meow chugged their drinks and left with their new lead, Meow holding the file under his arm.

"This is almost too easy," Dandy said, crawling aboard his ship. "All we have to do is go to the Boobies in Andromeda, get this chick's records, and we'll finally score enough cash to go out and eat!"

"But Dandy, Honey said it's been two years since this girl's been fired. The trail's probably stone cold by then!"

"Don't listen to this hunk of junk!" Meow said, shoving QT behind them. "I hear the ramen in Andromeda is to die for! We should hit one of those shops up while we're there!"

"That sounds great!" Dandy gave Meow a thumbs-up.

"Guys! This is obviously some kind of plot-hole the writer has come up with to trap us in his lame fanfiction story!" QT yelled after them. "Guys! Oh, forget it…"

A short trip later, the crew was in Andromeda, despite the little yellow droid's warning. Orbiting a neon blue and purple planet was another Boobies restaurant, and the Aloha Oe was flying right towards it. The ship docked at the orbital restaurant and Dandy and his small crew exited the ship to talk to the restaurant's manager.

The manager was a large, insect-like alien known simply as a Scavenger. They were human-sized creatures resembling cockroaches that often traveled in large groups called "swarms", salvaging space junk for money, though some often left the hive to run their own businesses.

"Checking in at Boobies in Andromeda," Meow said to himself, once again typing on his phone and taking another selfie.

"So, what seems to be the problem?" The roach-like Scavenger asked, green mucous-like slime oozing from his mouth as he spoke.

"We're on the hunt for one of your previous employees, a Sepian named Carrie," Dandy explained, spreading the file across the Scavenger's desk.

"Hmm… Yeah, I remember her. Worst employee the chain has ever seen! Broke every bottle on the bar with that big, clumsy tail of hers! The whole place was sticky for weeks from all the booze she spilled."

"So we've heard," Dandy replied.

"Do you know where she went after you fired her?" QT asked.

"No, I made sure to ditch the paperwork after she left," The Scavenger replied, lighting a cigar. "You could try the unemployment office. It's just three star systems away from Andromeda."

"Thanks!" Dandy said, gathering up the file papers. "Oh, and do you think you could give us a more updated picture of our little lost… whatever she is?"

"Certainly! But it'll cost ya," The Scavenger leaned in close. "Fifty percent of the reward you're getting from the Registry Bureau!"

"Fifty!? That's almost half!" Dandy exclaimed.

"That is half, Dandy!" QT added.

"No way! No picture is worth that much!"

"How much is this reward you're getting?" The Scavenger asked.

"We don't know yet," QT answered.

"But whatever it is…" Dandy pulled out his laser pistol and pointed it at the Scavenger. "You're not getting your slimly hands on single credit!"

The Scavenger's huge, bug eyes widened in fear, but then he started laughing uncontrollably. He hit a button under his desk and fifteen other Scavengers clad in armor and wielding large rifles stormed into the office, pointing them in Dandy and his crew's faces. Dandy holstered his weapon and grinned sheepishly.

"Fifty percent seems fair!"

"Good!" The Scavenger exclaimed, spitting saliva all over Dandy's face. "Just make sure you get it to me, or I'll have to send someone after you!"

Dandy, QT, and Meow left the quickly, Dandy actually not stopping to stare at the scantily-clad workers, mostly because of the large laser rifles planted in his face as the Scavenger's guards escorted him to his ship.

Dandy flew his ship carefully out of the docking bay and punched the ignition, flying his ship as far away from the place as quick as he could. Just as he was out of sight, a small, black ship shaped like a human skull took off after them…

"As if I'll be splitting anything with that slimy roach guy!" Dandy exclaimed as he left the star system. "Once we collect that reward, we'll just lay low for a while and avoid traveling to Andromeda!"

"Or wait until they change managers," Meow added, typing something on his phone.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" QT asked Dandy.

"Of course! Have I ever not known what I was doing?"

"Plenty of times…"

Dandy whipped out a switchblade comb and ran it through his pompadour. "This chick is quite a looker," he said looking at the picture the Scavenger gave him. "I hope she's got a nice ass!" QT grumbled and rolled his eyes when he heard Dandy say that.

"Her eyes are too big," Meow said, also looking at the photo. "Besides, I don't go for lizard-girls, no matter how human they look. I learned that lesson a long time ago."

"Eh, as long as she's got a great body and a sweet personality, I don't care about the face or hair." Dandy stuffed the picture in his jacket pocket and lit a cigarette. "I just hope she's working as the lifeguard of some lost, nude beach!"

"Heh-heh, I like how you think…" Meow grinned, a bit of blood pouring out his nose.

"I'm starting to like you," Dandy added, wrapping his arm around Meow, his nose also bleeding a bit.

"Both of you focus! We missed the turnoff because of your perverted fantasy!" QT screamed.

The Aloha Oe came to a screeching halt in the middle of airless space and turned around. Finally back on course, it flew to another large space outpost with a dull, glowing holographic billboard reading "Andromeda Unemployment Office." The ship docked and its crew disembarked, however they found an unfortunate discovery…

"Closed!?" Dandy wailed, looking at a paper sign taped to the door. "Why the hell would an unemployment office be closed!?"

"The sign says it's closed due to a Golo-worm infestation," QT pointed out.

"And I thought this fanfic writer was going to be a cool guy," Dandy whined. "Damn you, fanfic writer!"

"I wouldn't talk smack about the guy just yet…" Meow said, pointing to a small, orbiting space station, a huge "ramen" sign with flashing neon letters floating just a few miles away from their location. The skull-shaped ship that followed them from Boobies was parked there, but none of them really took notice of it.

"Hmm, since we're here, let's grab some ramen!" Dandy said. And faster than Dandy could say, "Boobies", the crew was seated at the ramen shop, stuffing their faces with noodles.

"Except for me," QT told the reader. "I'm a robot and don't eat."

"Mmm, this isn't too bad," Meow declared, slurping up a mouthful of ramen noodles.

"Yeah, it's pretty good," Dandy added, scarfing down a mouthful of noodles.

"But Dandy, how are we gonna pay for this? We're broke, remember?" QT whispered as the ramen shop owner glared at Dandy and Meow angrily.

"I can help with that," a shady man wearing a black cloak replied, tossing a few credits on the counter. "Ramen's on me, gentlemen!"

"Thanks, mister!" Dandy said, swallowing another mouthful of noodles.

"It's no trouble!" He lifted his hood a little, revealing what looked like a skull coated in metal, piercing red eyes glowing in its sockets. "I overheard your conversation with the manager at Boobies. I might be able to help you find your lost alien…"

"What's your angle, stranger?" Dandy asked suspiciously.

"No angle, just thought I'd help you guys out a little," the metallic skull said, laughing sinisterly.

"I don't trust this guy," QT whispered to Dandy. "He seems like another bad plot device the fanfic writer threw in to keep the story going."

"I heard that!" The scary, metallic skeleton man hissed. "I'm a well-thought out original character the author created to help you on your journey! I promise!"

"Well in that case, do what you were created to do and help us!" Dandy exclaimed. "Tell us where we can find this girl?"

"She's quite a distance away from here," the skeleton man said with a low, scary cackle. "She's on a junk planet in Alpha Centauri."

"Junk planet? And I was hoping she was at a lost, nude beach…" Dandy complained.

"Here, you're going to need these." The skeleton man handed Dandy a small sack full of beef jerky. He then walked towards the door, his metal foot clanging as he stepped. "Oh, and you might want to tell your furry cat friend to watch his back!" And with that, he walked out the door, cackling loudly.

"Hey I'm not a cat, I'm a Betelgeusian!" Meow yelled angrily. "Wait, what do you think he meant by that last thing he said?"

"Who cares?" Dandy shoved the bag of dried meat in his pocket and slurped the last of his ramen broth. "Let's go bag that reward!"

"But I haven't finished my ramen yet!" Meow wailed.

"Too bad! You shouldn't have been flapping your gums with the scary, skeleton man the nice fanfic author created to help us!"

"I think we should just quit before the author decides to make this a regular fanfic with chapters and everything," QT said.

"We'll end the fanfic once we find this cute, Sepian chick with the nice ass!" Dandy exclaimed as he dragged his crew aboard the Aloha Oe.

"How do you even know she has a nice ass?" QT asked. "You've only seen a picture of her face!"

"QT, I'm an ass-man, and a true ass-man can tell a woman has a nice derriere just by looking at her face," Dandy explained.

"That doesn't even make any sense," QT said. "And since when did you get such a sophisticated vocabulary?"

"Never mind that, we're heading out!"

And yet again, the Aloha Oe took off towards its new destination.

"I have a feeling this fanfic author is taking us on some wild goose chase," QT griped.

"Who cares? We got free ramen, so I'm happy," Meow replied.

"I'll be honest, I'm not too thrilled about digging around some garbage planet, but if it means I get to meet a lady with a nice posterior and a hefty cash reward on her head, I'm fine with whatever this author throws at us!" Dandy grinned, flashing his shiny teeth.

After several hours, the Aloha Oe arrived at the junk planet in Alpha Centauri. This planet was one of several junk planets put together by the Intergalactic Department of Waste Management, The whole planet was created from the wreckage of space colonies, giant battleships, and junk dredged from all across the Milky Way Galaxy. The Aloha Oe landed on a large island of junk surrounded by some sort of glowing, orange slime.

"Checking in at Alpha Centauri IDWM Junk Planet Number 98645," Meow said as he typed on his phone again.

"Stay clear of that slime, Dandy," QT warned. "It's runoff from decomposing hyper drive energy coils. In this state, it's highly corrosive and can cause severe chemical burns."

"Maybe we should've landed somewhere safer," Dandy mumbled as he watched the bubbling, yellow river of slime. "Where's that skeleton guy? Maybe he can help us out."

"I wouldn't rely on anything that incompetent fanfic author adds in the story, Dandy," QT said. Just then, the junk island they were standing on shuttered and sank a few feet into the river of corrosive, scorching hot slime. "I'm sorry! I love this fanfic author!"

"Relax, it's just the junk settling from the weight of the ship," Dandy explained.

"Or it could be one of those junk monsters I've heard about," Meow added.

Dandy noticed a trail of junk sticking up out of the river leading towards a massive pile of junk. He and his crew hopped across them towards it, Meow a little hesitant.

"What's wrong?" Dandy asked. "Surely you don't believe in junk monsters!"

"N-no!" Meow stammered. "I was just remembering that thing the skeleton guy said back at the ramen shop about watching myself."

The crew made it to the huge mass of junk. Dandy un-holstered his pistol and walked ahead of QT and Meow, who were holding random pieces of junk as weapons. They proceeded cautiously across the landscape of rusting, twisted metal, looking for the lost Sepian.

"Dandy, my scanners are showing signs of life three-hundred yards that way," QT informed his friends, pointing off in the distance.

"Let's go check it out," Dandy said, moving in the direction QT picked up that life sign.

Since everything looked the same, QT took the lead. The three of them felt like the walk took hours; junk planets were often infested with all sorts of ne'er-do-wells, looking to make a quick buck by stealing scrap metal to sell on the black market. There were also tales of giant rats and rogue robots that guard the junk, and the most outrageous tale of all, a giant monster made entirely out of junk. But that would be too cliché… Or would it?

"We're right in front of it," QT said, stopping.

"Where? I don't see anything but junk," Dandy responded, looking around and seeing nothing but junk.

"I told you he was just a big bucket of bolts," Meow teased.

"Shut up, there's something here!" QT snapped. Suddenly, a pile of junk directly in front of them shuttered and rose up out of the ground.

"Junk monster!" Meow screamed. Dandy pointed his pistol at the junk pile. A long thick tail covered in large, green scales popped up out of the junk pile. Dandy pointed his pistol at it as it writhed around like a huge worm.

"What is it?" Meow asked, hiding behind Dandy. "Some kind of dragon?"

"I don't know what it is," QT replied.

The junk pile moved and a humanoid figure emerged from it, holding a piece of metal up to her mouth. She had oil and rust stains all over her face, clothes, and all in her long blonde hair that nearly dragged the ground. She was short, squat, and curvy with a large bust size. In fact, Dandy had never seen breasts that big on a girl so short. The tail was attached to the girl's backside, and poked out of her long, messy blonde hair. Patches of scales matching the color of those on her tail covered the sides of her face. She stared at Dandy and his crew for a second, then spoke.

"Hi!" She greeted them. She then took a bite out of the metal piece she was holding.

Dandy stared at her for a moment, and then took a long look at her enormous boobs. "Check out those knockers," he whispered, nudging Meow with his ankle.

"Yeah, she looks like she stuffed a couple of beach balls up her shirt," Meow replied as he snapped a pic of the girl with his phone.

"Are you… Carrie?" Dandy asked, his nose bleeding a little.

"Mm-hmm," Carrie replied, still munching on her piece of metal. Dandy held up the picture he got from the cockroach guy and compared it with her face. Aside from the filth, it was a near-perfect match.

"QT, did I ever tell you how much I love big-boobed girls?" Dandy whispered to the little yellow robot.

"I thought you were an ass-man," QT replied. He turned to Meow. "And I thought you didn't like lizard-girls." But the two of them didn't hear him. QT turned to the reader. "Plot holes…"

"Miss Carrie, this place is no place for a lovely lady such as yourself," Dandy said, straightening up his clothes and flashing his trademark smile. "Why don't you let me take you away from here, and maybe we can get to know each other a little better!" Dandy raised his eyebrows seductively, but Carrie just stared at him, the piece of metal sticking out of her mouth. "Don't eat that…" Dandy yanked the metal piece from her mouth and tossed it aside.

"But I can't leave until I get rid of it all!" Carrie answered.

"All of what?"

"This!" Carrie pointed off into the horizon, where there was nothing but junk as far as the eye could see.

"But…how?" Dandy asked, dumbfounded by what this girl was telling him.

"Like this!" Carrie picked up a broken T.V. remote and happily took a bite out of it. "And after I'm done, I get steak." Carrie took another bite.

"But if you come with us, you can have whatever type of food you want! Lunar lobsters, all the space steaks you can eat… Just name it and I'll get it for you!"

Carrie shook her head. "Nah, I like it here! I can eat as much as I want and no one yells at me, but thank you anyway!" Carrie picked up a bundle of wires and started chewing on them as if they were licorice sticks.

Dandy stared at her. "What's wrong, Dandy?" QT asked.

"I'm not sure whether to be disgusted by her or turned on…"

"I'm kind of both right now," Meow replied. Just then Carrie caught sight of Meow. Her bright green eyes fixed on him, she dropped the bundle of wires and reached for him. "Whoa, can't we take it slow first? I'm supposed to do this to you!" Carrie then bit into his shoulder, making a sickening crunch. Meow screamed in agony. "Get her off me! Get her off me!" He smacked the Sepian across the head with his cell phone, surprising her. Meow squirmed out of her grip, bleeding.

"You okay?" Dandy asked the Betelgeusian.

"I'll live, but get her away from me first!" Meow yelled as Carrie started chasing him around.

"According to her file, she eats anything, but can become predatory when around small animals," QT explained, reading Carrie's file.

"So how are we going to get her aboard the ship?" Dandy asked.

"I don't think it would be wise to bring her with us. She seems dangerous. And besides, she just said she was happy here."

"Look, I didn't get recruited by some lame-ass fanfic author to find some chick with a nice rack and a high reward on her head just to leave her and go home empty-handed! If she won't come willingly, we'll just capture her, load her onto the Aloha Oe, take her to the Registration Center, and claim our reward! Simple as that."

"Sounds easier said than done," QT replied.

Meanwhile, Carrie had chased Meow some distance away from Dandy and QT, driving him into hiding. The Sepian looked for her prey, smelling the air for him as she searched under slabs of metal. Meow was hiding nearby inside of a half-buried refrigerator, bandaging his wound with some medical tape.

"I knew there was a monster here somewhere," he muttered. "I just didn't think it would be a titty monster!"

Suddenly he heard a nearby crash that made him jump. He wedged himself as far back as he could, covering his head with a piece of tin foil that was lying beside him. Without warning, a hand reached in at him. He dodged it narrowly. He peeked out from under his tin foil and saw Carrie leaning over the opening. Carrie reached for him again, her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth, but Meow dodged again.

"No chick makes a meal out of me, no matter how hot she is!" Meow yelled. He jumped at Carrie and punched her in the left breast, and then he made his escape as the Sepian reeled in pain.

Meow ran towards Dandy and hid behind his legs. "Ah, there you are," Dandy said.

"Save me! She's trying to eat me!" Meow then saw Carrie running towards them, holding her left breast in one hand and a large, metal club in the other. She was obviously very upset.

"Hey, chill out for a minute!" Dandy exclaimed.

Carrie just growled and swung at Dandy with her makeshift club, but missed.

"Now that's not very lady-like!" Dandy reasoned with the angry Sepian.

"I don't care!" Carrie roared.

"What was that you were saying about capturing her?" QT muttered.

"The fanfic author couldn't make this easy…" Dandy groaned as he watched Carrie take her anger out on a busted up car, smashing it to pieces. When she was done, Carrie continued her tantrum, smashing and throwing large pieces of junk until she calmed down.

"There, are you feeling better now?" Dandy asked.

"Yup!" Carrie beamed, looking much happier. "I even forgot why I was mad!"

"Good, now how about we take a little trip?"

Carrie thought for a second. "Nah!" Carrie picked up QT and started shaking him around like a child with a toy.

"Hey, put me down you psycho! Dandy, help!"

"You're still not thinking of taking her with us, are ya Dandy?" Meow asked, poking out from Dandy's jacket collar.

"Of course! I need that money. But the question is how do we get her to come with us if she won't go willingly and she's obviously too strong and psychotic to come with us?" Dandy shoved his hands in his pocket as he tried to think of a solution, when he felt the sack of beef jerky the metal skeleton gave him. "That's it! Hey Carrie!"

Carrie stopped shaking QT around and turned to Dandy, who was holding a piece of beef jerky in his hand. She quickly caught its scent and was attracted to it like a fly to syrup. Dandy handed it to her and she ate it in one bite.

"You like that don't you?" Dandy asked her. Carrie happily nodded, saliva dripping from her chin. "Want more?" Carrie nodded again, causing her hair to flail wildly.

Dandy tore up the pieces of jerky and started dropping them along the ground behind him as he walked. Carrie followed behind him, picking the pieces up and eating them as she went. Meow still hid in Dandy's jacket and QT led the way. They led Carrie closer and closer to the Aloha Oe until they were on the little island of junk they landed on, Carrie happily munching on the last piece of jerky and standing five feet from the main hatch.

"I've got some more jerky in the ship if you want it," Dandy said as Carrie swallowed her chewy treat.

Carrie stared at Dandy. "But I don't smell anymore beef jerky in there."

"Trust me, it's in there," Dandy lied. "Now go get your jerky so we can take off, I mean, have a picnic later!"

"No! You go get it!" Carrie demanded with a smile as she folded her arms under her large breasts; she was obviously on to the alien hunter's plan.

"Any more brilliant ideas?" QT asked sarcastically.

"Actually yes," Dandy answered as he ran inside his ship. He returned holding something behind his back. "I hope you can forgive me, Carrie, but we seem to be out of jerky."

"Aw, and I'm still hungry!" Carrie whimpered.

"Instead, I got you this!" Dandy pulled out an old, leftover cheeseburger he found in the back of the fridge.

Carrie's eyes lit up as she stared at the burger, saliva pouring from her mouth. Carrie reached for the burger, but Dandy chucked it aboard the ship.

"Whoops, I dropped it!" Carrie ran after the old cheeseburger and Dandy and his crew followed her, closing the door behind them and taking off.

"We got her! We're gonna be rich!" Dandy cheered.

Carrie finished her burger and looked out the window to see the junk planet she was just on grow smaller and smaller as the ship sped away. She pressed her body against the window and whimpered, realizing she had been tricked.

Meanwhile, back in the cockpit of the ship, Dandy was over the moon. "I love this fanfic author! I can't believe we're finally going to get paid!"

"I dunno. If this is the end, it seems kinda rushed," QT said skeptically. "And our show has only aired two episodes…"

"Well, we're up past 5,000 words and 14 pages," Dandy replied. "And two episodes is too long to go without getting a break!"

"Yeah, don't worry about me, even though I almost got eaten and nearly bled to death!" Meow growled as he wrapped up his wound and injected himself with healing nanites. Suddenly, they heard a loud crash in the ship's lounge.

"Sounds like our new passenger just found out what we've done to her," QT murmured.

Dandy set the ship on auto-pilot and went back to the den where he found the den in ruins. The couch had been thrown across the room; the chair looked like it had been chewed up and spat out by some wild animal; and the tables were smashed to bits and strewn everywhere. And Carrie still wasn't done. She had torn off part of the metal wall panel and was angrily gutting the ship's electronics.

"You guys tricked me!" Carrie shouted at them, putting her fist through the wall.

"Now calm down! Let me explain!" Dandy pleaded. Carrie responded by ripping a metal beam from the wall and swinging it at him. Dandy jumped backwards, tripping over the couch.

"I'll save you, Dandy!" QT grabbed Carrie by the legs, but she swatted him away with her tail.

Meow eyed Carrie's left breast and rand to to bop it again, but Carrie saw him coming and smacked him aside with her tail, sending him flying into the TV, breaking it. Dandy grabbed a couch cushion and threw it at Carrie's face, but she caught it with her teeth and shook it around, tearing it to shreds. Carrie then stood over Dandy, ready to beat his head in with the piece of metal, clenching a shred of the cushion in her teeth.

"Not the face! Not the face!" Dandy whimpered as he covered his head with his arms. Carrie was about to hit him when her stomach growled loudly and she passed out.

"Ugh, I think my circuit board got knocked loose," QT groaned.

"You think you got it bad…" Meow responded, pulling bits of broken glass from his backside.

"So hungry…" Carrie moaned pitifully.

"You've got to be kidding me! Look at what your stupid original character did to my ship! You're paying for this, you hear me?" Dandy yelled at the ceiling, making himself look like an idiot. "Hey, I read that you little punk!"

"Can I get something to eat?" Carrie asked with a moan, her stomach still growling loudly.

"Only if you promise to stop wrecking my ship," Dandy replied.

"And if you don't try to eat me anymore!" Meow added.

"Okay…" Carrie groaned, her stomach still growling loudly.

The crew fed Carrie some more leftovers from the fridge and returned to the ship's cockpit. He and his crew were battered and beaten, but they got their prized Sepian and now they were going to cash her in for that reward. Best of all, Carrie had fallen asleep after binge-eating every scrap of food on the ship, but they considered it an acceptable use of resources due to the reward money they were about to receive. The ship proudly flew into the docking bay of the Space Alien Registration Center, and after a long wait in line, they stood before Scarlet, a conscious but still sleepy Carrie standing beside them.

"Ah, so you found her," Scarlet said. "Aw, she still looks as cute as the day her step-dad brought her in!" Scarlet rubbed Carrie's head and she smiled. "Now, she was already registered when she was brought in as a toddler, but since she's the last of her kind, we need to register her again. Would you mind stepping behind the counter for me, sweetie?"

"Okay," Carrie answered, doing as she was told. A couple of generic-looking aliens wearing scrubs met the Sepian and led her into a room.

"Hey, what about my reward?" Dandy asked.

"You'll get it once we've done a quick blood test, a routine check-up, and updated our biological data on her," Scarlet replied. "It shouldn't take any longer than a few minutes." Just as she finished, Carrie walked back to Dandy's side, rubbing her arm.

"They poked me," she pouted, showing Dandy her arm.

"Wish I would've gotten in on that," Dandy whispered to QT and Meow.

"Okay, the paper work is in order and we're all set, Mr. Dandy!" The registrar lady signed a check and handed it to Dandy.

Dandy snatched the check, grinning from ear-to-ear, QT and Meow all looking at it as well, their faces pressed against his, but their smiles turned to frowns when they saw that the check was made out for only fifteen woolongs.

"Fifteen lousy woolongs!?" Dandy yelled in an uproar. "We go to Hell and back, nearly get beat up by that titty monster, and all you give us is a measly fifteen woolongs!?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I made a mistake!" Scarlet took the check back, signed another and gave it to Dandy, this one only signed for ten woolongs. "There's your reward. Now go away, we have others waiting."

"What the hell!? I thought she was the last of her kind? One of the rarest!"

"I'm sorry, Dandy, but her step-father already registered her when she was younger, and my boss told me that re-registers aren't worth as much as new registers, no matter how rare the species! Now, please step aside! There's a line of people behind you!"

"Damn fanfic author and his stupid tease!" Dandy raged, kicking the wall. "When I get my hands on him, I'm gonna ring his neck!"

"I tried to warn you," QT said. He turned towards the reader again. "But no one listens to the robot."

"So what do we do with the girl?" Meow asked, pointing at Carrie, who was happily chasing after a small, floating camera droid.

"I guess we can't leave her here," Dandy muttered. "We owe her for taking her from her home, and we can't take her back with that disgusting roach-guy and his thugs looking for us."

"Hey, mac!" The trio heard a familiar voice yell. They turned to see the metal skeleton man walking towards them. "The author told me to give you this for your trouble. It's not much, but it should at least repair the damages." He handed them a stack of woolongs.

Dandy counted them, adding up to twenty-five hundred in total. "Who are you?"

The metallic robed skeleton man sneered sinisterly. "It's like your friend said, I'm just a bad plot device created by the author to move the story along." He turned to walk away.

"Wait mister!" Dandy yelled. "What's your name?"

"Skrull the Drifter," the metallic skeleton man hissed.

"Will we see you again?" QT asked.

"Depends."

"On what?" Meow asked.

"On them," Skrull answered, pointing in the direction of the reader.

"I'm sorry, who?" Dandy asked, looking in the direction he pointed. Skrull just laughed as he ambled towards his ship.

"Does this mean the author's planning another chapter?" Dandy asked.

"I hope to God not," QT complained.

The three of them heard a loud crunching and they turned to see Carrie happily eating the camera droid she was chasing earlier. The three of them stared at the Sepian as she swallowed the droid, and then at the reader.