The universe is filled with billions of extraterrestrial beings, many of them new and undiscovered! But one man named Dandy plans on finding and registering them all! He travels the universe with his crew and amazing pompadour in search of adventure, excitement, and boobies! These are the adventures of the dandiest guy in space, Space Dandy!

"Hey Dandy…" Meow muttered.

"Yeah?" Dandy answered.

"I'm bored."

"Yeah…"

The alien hunter and his Betelgeusian friend slumped into the couch. The TV was on and showing some show about fighting robots, but the two weren't paying any attention. As they lazed on the couch, QT rolled by, vacuuming up discarded wrappers and paper. In no time at all, the whole ship was spotless.

"Another excellent job by the galaxy's most advanced robot!" QT said as he admired his work.

As QT prepared to move to the next room, Carrie sauntered into the lounge, holding a bag of chips in her mouth. She grabbed the sides of the bag and jerked her head sideways to tear the bag open, but she pulled too hard and the bag tore completely in half. Greasy, salty potato chips spilled all over the floor.

"Carrie," QT moaned. "I just cleaned."

Carrie looked around at the mess, accidentally stepping on a few chips. She picked off a couple of chip crumbs that had landed in her cleavage and ate them.

"Looks nice but you missed a spot." Carrie pointed to the mess as she loudly chewed.

"I get no respect for my hard work…" QT complained as he started to vacuum up Carrie's mess.

Carrie leaned over the back of the couch and looked up at the T.V. She pulled another handful of chips out of her cleavage and crammed them in her mouth.

"This looks cool!" She exclaimed, spitting chip crumbs out of her mouth. The soggy crumbs hit Dandy in the face, causing him to recoil in disgust.

"This show sucks," Dandy complained.

He wiped the crumbs off with his arm and slung them onto the floor, just as QT finished cleaning the spilled chips. He then propped his feet up on the coffee table, knocking over a mug of cold coffee from this morning that nobody bothered to finish. Dandy lifted his eyebrow at the mess, but he went back to watching T.V.

"Yo QT, could you do me a favor and clean that up?" Dandy asked indifferently as he scratched the inside of his ear.

"Dammit, you guys!" QT yelled.

Just as he started to clean the new mess, holo-phone began to ring.

"Could you at least answer that?" QT asked irately.

"Fine, I got it," Dandy moaned, dragging himself off the couch and into the ship's cockpit.

He pressed a blinking button and a person's face was projected onto the windshield.

"Just like you to keep me waiting," the person greeted him. "You haven't changed a bit, have you…" He muttered, unimpressed by Dandy's appearance.

"Xander? Is that you!?" Dandy uttered.

"Of course it is! Has your brain turned to mush since we last talked?" Xander teased. "How's alien hunting going for you?"

"None of your business!" Dandy snapped.

"You're just as irritable as ever. I was hoping you would've at least grown up since high school. And what's with all this tacky Hawaiian décor? Please tell me this is for some special party today and you don't really keep your ship looking like this."

Dandy gritted his teeth. "Can you just tell me what you want? Why the hell are you calling me?"

"I'm in this system on business and I thought I'd catch up. I'm free this afternoon, so I figured we'd get together. How about we meet at this Boobies place?"

Dandy snorted. "That sounds good."

"Do you have a crew for this bucket of bolts?" Xander teased once again. Dandy scowled at him. "Hey, don't be that way."

"Yeah, I've got a crew."

"Great! Bring 'em along so I can meet them! Oh, I'm getting a business call! I'll see you this afternoon! Later!"

And with that, Xander's face disappeared and Dandy dragged himself back into the lounge.

"Who was that, Dandy?" QT asked.

"Xander, some jerk I used to hang out with in high school. I hated him! He thinks he's so much better than me, with his bad jokes and stealing my dates…"

"What did he want?"

"He said he wanted to meet us all for dinner at Boobies this afternoon, so I want everybody to be ready by then. But if he's not paying for the meal, we're all leaving. And if he is…" Dandy leaned in close to Carrie. "I want you to eat as much as you can." Carrie smiled, her mouth watering.

Later that afternoon, Dandy and his crew entered the restaurant. They looked around and saw Xander sitting at a large table in the back corner of the restaurant. He stood up and waved Dandy and his crew towards his table. The four of them weaseled their way to the back and sat down at the table across from Xander. Xander graciously passed menus around to his guests.

"Order whatever you guys want," Xander said in a friendly manner.

"Why are we sitting all the way back here?" Dandy asked. "I can't see any of the waitresses asses from here!"

"Ugh, I still see you haven't learned that there's more to a woman than her butt…" Xander groaned.

"So, what do you want?" Dandy asked.

"Just to chat and catch up," Xander replied as a waitress swaggered up to the table.

The brunette waitress scowled at them.

"All right, what do ya want?" She asked in a surly manner.

"Fried Grokk," Meow answered.

"Three Mega Burgers!" Carrie exclaimed.

"A quart of oil," QT said without looking at the menu.

"Hot space chicken wings and space beer," Dandy said.

"And I'll just take some space fries and some seltzer," Xander finished.

The waitress jotted down their orders and took their menus. Dandy's eyes scanned the waitress as she worked.

"I'll have it ready whenever," she muttered, retaining her sour attitude.

Dandy's eyes followed the contours of her legs, making no attempt to hide his ogling. The waitress shoved the tip of her pen up Dandy's nose and used it to drag his head back to her eye-level.

"And if ya don't get yer jaw off the floor, I'm gonna yank it off and shove it up yer ass! Ya und'rstand?" Dandy nodded and she sauntered away. "Gonna need a cigarette break…"

"Can't you go one evening without upsetting a woman?" Xander grumbled.

"Nope!" Dandy grinned, watching their waitress swinging her hips as she walked away.

"So, I see you've gotten yourself a crew," Xander observed. "Do you mind telling me your names?"

"That's QT, my first mate and maintenance droid," Dandy replied, pointing to QT. "And this is Meow, my, uh… ramen coordinator." Meow shot Xander a "thumbs up". "And this is Carrie, our garbage disposal." Carrie picked up the salt shaker and swallowed it. Her mouth puckered and she waved at Xander.

"A little motley, but not bad," Xander said. "I'm looking for a crew myself."

"Do you even have a ship?"

"Yes, the Schlepper. She's an old corvette-class tugboat-freighter hybrid from the Ethrite Wars," Xander explained.

"Damn, that's quite a ship," Dandy replied. "What's a number-cruncher like you doing with a ship like that?"

"Well," Xander started. "I was an alien hunter like you, but I've hit hard times so I became an investor. I needed something that would travel long distances and hold together, but with little maintenance. Long story short, I found her at an auction and paid next to nothing for her."

"Damn know-it-all," Dandy mumbled to Meow, who was playing on his phone. "Lucky you. Those are good ships. I knew a guy who had one for years and never had to replace a single part."

"Yeah, they were used as cargo ships back in the Ethrite Wars to store and smuggle tons of ethrite crystals across enemy lines."

The waitress from before came back and set the food on the table.

"There's your grub," she muttered through gritted teeth. She then grabbed Dandy by the collar. "And don't forget to leave a tip or else, pretty-boy!" She threw Dandy back in his seat and walked away.

"What the hell's her problem?" Dandy asked. Xander just shrugged.

"Anyway, I've been trying to save up enough money to buy a droid, and I'm making money that'll let me hire a good crew. Right now, I've invested my savings into this team at the Robot Bash League. You've seen this show, right?"

"Yeah, I wasn't too fond of it," Dandy answered dryly.

"Anyway, at first it was just to get my name out there, but the team cut me a deal." Xander put a fry in his mouth and sipped his drink. "They told me if I sponsored them and they placed at the League, I'd get ten-percent of the winnings!"

"Woo, ten percent…" Dandy said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

"It's actually quite a lot," Xander said sternly, taking another sip of his drink. "The cash prize for first place is ten billion woolongs!"

Dandy spat out his beer. "Ten billion woolongs!?"

"Yup," Xander replied. "So I crunched the numbers, and the odds are in this team's favor, so there's no way we could lose! And even if they didn't, it's really good advertising, and I'd make a little off of the ad revenue."

"I'll say," Dandy replied, his mouth full of space chicken.

"I can pay what they want for sponsorship in full, but I figured I'd let you in on the deal." Dandy stopped eating and stared at Xander. "How about it? You and me could team up and make quite a bit of money."

"Thanks, but I don't like making money that way," Dandy replied. QT spat out his oil when he heard him.

"Dandy!" QT whispered. "We could use the money for repairs!"

"What are you talking about? The Aloha Oe is in great shape!"

"No it's not! The operating system is long out of date and the warp drive is on its last legs."

"Hey, what's that about a bad warp drive?" Xander asked, overhearing the conversation. "Sorry if I was eavesdropping, but I couldn't help but overhear you had some problems with your ship."

"My ship is fine," Dandy snapped.

"It's falling apart!" QT argued.

"I have a couple of spare warp drives I could let you have," Xander said. "They were junked ones I fixed up myself, so I'm not taking a loss." Dandy gripped his beer mug tightly. "Also, if you want, I could help you with your ship's software trouble."

Dandy raked all the food off the table and into the floor. "No! For the last time, Xander! I don't need your help! You think you're so much better than me because you're smarter, don't you?"

"M-my burgers…" Carrie whimpered.

"No, that's not it at all-"

"Don't lie to me!"

"Dandy, you're obviously drunk. Go home and call me when you're sober. I'm just trying to help out an old friend."

"Yeah, like you helped me out with that jock strap incident!" Dandy staggered to his feet. "Let's get out of here guys! We don't need this asshole…" Carrie and Meow led Dandy away from the table.

"Sorry about the mess," QT apologized.

"Eh, don't worry about it. I know how Dandy is. I really don't blame him for getting upset."

"Jock strap incident?" QT asked, making Xander blush.

"What!? No! That's not it! Dandy was just saying that because he was drunk! You see, the real reason…" Just as Xander was about to explain the real reason, his phone rang. "Sorry, but I've got a business call. I'll have to tell you some other time." And with that, Xander threw some credits on the table and rushed out the back door.

Back at the ship, Dandy was starting to sober up a bit. "Damn that Xander… If only we could make that kind of dough!"

"Why do you hate Xander so much?" QT asked. "He seems like an okay guy."

"I could tell you, but that would drive our word count up too high," Dandy replied, lighting himself a cigarette. QT groaned. "That's it!"

"What's it?"

"We'll make some money and humiliate Xander by entering that robot tournament and beating the team he's sponsoring!" Dandy clenched the cigarette in his teeth and rubbed his hands. "We'll enter the Hawaii Yankee Special® and crush the competiton!"

"But Dandy, the rules don't allow giant mecha to enter. The robots all have to be independently operable. On top of that, there's a weight and size limit…" QT printed out a flyer for the Robot Bash League and handed it to Dandy.

Dandy stared at the poster, and then at QT. "Hmm, I think I have another idea…"

"I don't like where this is going…" QT remarked, noticing Dandy's stare.

"But what could we stick on you for a weapon?" Dandy skimmed over the regulations listed at the bottom of the flyer. "No guns, explosives, firearms, acids, EMPs, high frequency lasers, exploding waffles, extinct animals, fire-breathing insects, or gravity beam weapons are allowed in the arena."

"Can't we talk about this!?" QT asked nervously.

"Nope," Dandy replied, digging through his junk drawer. "We have to move the plot along! Aha!" Dandy pulled out a box of old tools. "We'll put these in your storage compartment, and get close to the other robots and take 'em apart!"

"But Dandy, that's sabotage, which is against the rules."

"So, you'll just have to be sneaky!"

QT pulled out a sheet of paper and skimmed over it. "Hey, this isn't in the script! You're supposed to dress Carrie up as a robot and enter her!"

Just as QT said that, Carrie walked in the room wearing an old washing machine frame over her.

"I'm ready to go!" She said.

"There's been a script change," Dandy told her. "Go take that stuff off."

"Aww…" Carrie slunk away, bits of machine parts falling off of her.

"Now let's get you to the arena and sign you up!" Dandy told QT.

"But won't the author be mad that we're changing his story around?"

"Screw the author! Here, stick these laser cutters in your storage compartment." Dandy handed QT a pair of laser cutters.

"But what about the no laser rule?"

"I didn't see anything about laser cutters," Dandy replied. "Now quit stalling and let's move that plot along!"

QT stared at the reader. "Do you ever days like this?"

Dandy, Carrie, and Meow dragged QT to the Orion Arena, where the Robot Bash League competition was being held. They waited in line, signed QT into the competition, and dragged him down into the arena's basement where the other competitors were preparing their machines. QT looked around at all the other competing robots, all of them adorned with spikes and blades and bear trap-style jaws.

"These guys don't look so tough," Dandy said. "You can beat these nerds easily!"

"Are you sure about this?" QT asked nervously.

"Actually, no. It says here in the script that you're going to die a horrible death and that skeleton guy from Chapter One will give us a bunch of money."

QT's eyes grew huge. He flipped through his copy of the script, but saw nothing.

"Dandy now's not the time for jokes! There's nothing in the script about any of that!"

"Guess you didn't get the latest revised copy of the script."

Dandy waved his script copy in front of QT, red scribbles going across parts of it. QT reached for it, but Dandy held it out of the little yellow droid's reach.

"Give it here!" QT cried.

"Nope!"

"Dammit, Dandy!" QT turned to his two alien crewmates. "You guys! Can I borrow your copy of the script for a second!?"

"Nah, I threw it away before the beginning of the chapter," Meow answered. "I'm too good to need a script."

"And I ate mine," Carrie added.

"Oh, come on, it won't be so bad!" Dandy reassured his robot friend. "At least you won't be subject to this 'terrible' fanfic author's whim anymore!"

QT turned towards the author. "I hate you!" He growled.

"Attention!" A voice over a loudspeaker blared. "All contestants make your way to the arena!"

"Go get 'em!" Dandy cheered as he threw QT in front of a four-legged dog-like robot with huge teeth. It barked mechanically and chased him through the hallway leading to the arena.

"Hey, is the author really killing off QT?" Meow asked.

"Nah," Dandy replied. "I just said that to mess with his head. Now that he thinks his life is really on the line, he'll cheat without giving it a second thought and we'll win that ten billion woolong prize!"

Meow frowned.

"I have a feeling this is gonna backfire horribly…"

Dandy, Carrie, and Meow made their way to the stands to watch the fight. There were lights flashing everywhere as a massive metal cage rose out of the sides of the arena. Smoke covered the arena floor, but the audience could still make out all sorts of traps, such as drills that popped out of the floor, massive hammers and buzzsaws, and all manners of spikes, drills, and flamethrowers adorned the cage. The crowd went crazy as a man wearing a referee uniform stepped out onto the arena.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" He screamed into a microphone. "This is it! Tonight, we're gonna see carnage!"

The crowd cheered wildly.

"We're gonna see mayhem! We're gonna see machines pushed to the limits!"

The crowd cheered even louder, causing the whole arena to shake.

"And tonight, we're gonna have a champion! Twenty-six robots will enter the arena, but only one will emerge victorious! Tonight, we're gonna make Hell look like heaven in comparison! Now, bring on the 'bots!"

The guy ran out of the arena as robots poured into the arena. QT was among them, rolling quietly behind some of the bigger, nastier-looking robots.

"Hey, there's the talking vacuum cleaner!" Carrie pointed out the little yellow and white robot.

"Yup, he'll be just fine," Dandy said, propping his feet up on some guard rails in front of him.

"Okay, the rules are as follows," A voice announced over a loudspeaker. "If you are immobile for thirty seconds, you lose! This fight is a free-for-all! And when we say all, we mean all! Last robot operational wins!"

Another blast of smoke billowed over the arena as four more robots took their places in the four corners of the arena. One looked like a miniature armored car with a set of huge, bug-like jaws and a chainsaw for a tail. Another was a massive hulk of metal on two legs, a huge mallet slung over its shoulder. The third simply looked like a metal scorpion, only with a flamethrower for a tail. And the final looked like a knight, only with a huge set of pincers replacing its left hand, and in the right, it held a huge battle axe.

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you may know, these are what we call our 'house robots'!" Dandy's jaw dropped and he skimmed over the flyer.

"Wait a minute, I didn't see anything about this in the flyer!"

Dandy skimmed through the flyer again, then ripped it up in frustration.

"Normally, we keep these mechanical matriarchs of malice in the four corners of the arena, but tonight, they will be unleashed upon our competitors!"

"I told you this would backfire!" Meow yelled.

"Shit, we gotta get QT outta there!" Dandy exclaimed, grabbing Meow.

"Maybe Xander can help us."

Meow pointed to the other side of the stands, where Xander was watching the fight.

"No way!" Dandy crossed his arms defiantly. "I'm not asking that asshole for help, especially after what he pulled on me back in high school!"

"What did he pull on you back in high school?" Meow inquired.

"None of your business!" Dandy kicked Meow away.

"Alright folks, let's get this thing started!" The announcer blared. "Robot fighters ready? Go!"

Twenty-nine robots piled on top of each other, stabbing, biting, and hitting each other with melee weapons. Four, however, were tearing through the competitors, these 'house robots', as they were called. The big, knight looking one cut a robot shaped like a bulldog in half with his huge pincers while his hulking buddy crushed one with his mallet.

Meanwhile, QT went unnoticed as smoke from burning oil filled the arena and hid him from the chaos.

"Aw, I can't see!" Carrie whined, trying to look through the smoke.

In the arena, QT watched as the upper torso of a robot crawled towards him, swinging an axe with the only hand it had left. Just as QT was about to become scrap metal, a buzz saw cut through the mutilated machine, finishing it off.

Towering over QT was a multi-armed robot holding a large buzzsaw weapon. It glanced at QT, but was smacked away by a huge mallet from the hulking house robot. QT dodged as the monstrous machine turned its attention towards him.

"Take this!"

QT pulled out a cordless drill and used it to puncture one of the hydraulic pistons in the back of the robot's leg. Hydraulic fluid sprayed everywhere and the robot fell on one knee, then was defeated by a saw blade to the face.

"Hey, thanks for the save!"

The other robot, nodded in acknowledgement and attacked another competitor.

The two of them teamed up against the other competitors. This mysterious robot would incapacitate the competitors with its buzzsaw weapon, while QT would finish the job by stabbing them with a screwdriver, and sometimes QT would sabotage an enemy while his robot friend would finish them off. Eventually, only four competitors remained, not counting the three remaining house robots.

"Alright folks, looks like it's sudden death!" The announcer yelled as the crowd cheered and booed. "The last competitor standing will go home tonight's champion and receive our ten billion woolong reward!"

One of the surviving competitors, a hulking metal robot with huge fists, launched one of his fists at QT's robot friend, knocking it to the ground. The robot took the blow, but grabbed a hold of the chain connecting the robot to its fists and yanked it forward, toppling the robot. QT closed in with his cordless drill to do some damage, but as soon as he was about to loosen a metal panel on its back, the drill's battery died.

"Dammit Dandy! Why couldn't you give me a spare battery?" QT was smacked away as the robot stood to its feet and reeled in its fist.

QT's robot friend stood to its feet, revving its saw blade. The metal cage masking the mechanics around its head was dented in from the blow. Meanwhile, the mechanical scorpion closed in, its pincers reaching for the damaged bot. It shot a jet of flame at its prey, however the robot used blocked them with its four arms.

It cut into the scorpion's left claw, incapacitating it, but not completely severing it. The now-useless appendage dragged along the ground as the scorpion reached at the bot with its remaining claw, grabbing him successfully. The mechanical scorpion dragged it closer to its mouth, ready to rip it to shreds; however the bot cut into the scorpion-bot's head with its buzzsaw, defeating the house robot.

"Look out!" QT yelled as the punchy competitor from before lunged at the robot.

It fired its fists at the buzzsaw robot, but this time it was ready for the attack. It revved up its saw, but the weapon sputtered and died; the fuel ran out. The robot gave an "oh crap" look as its opponent clenched its fists and began punching it against the wall. The remaining two house robots closed in, ready to break up the fight.

"What do I do?" QT asked himself.

He dug in his storage compartment for something to help his new friend, but it was empty. He looked across the battlefield, but only saw the broken remains of the other fallen competitors.

"Wait, that's it!"

QT jammed robot parts into his vacuum cleaner palms and launched them at the house robots. A metal bolt lodged itself into the tire of the smaller one, immobilizing it, while another part stabbed a fuel tank on the hulking knight-bot's left shoulder. Bleeding oil, it turned to face its attacker.

Dandy and Meow clung to each other in horror as the hulking metal mass stomped towards the little yellow robot. Its clawed hand dangled useless beside it, but it still held the huge battle axe in the other. QT fired a handful of bolts at the bot's face, taking out its optical sensors and blinding the menacing adversary.

"Way to go, QT!" Meow cheered.

"See? And you wanted to get QT out of there!" Dandy propped his feet up again.

Meow sneered. "What was all of that concern you were showing a few paragraphs ago?"

"Me? Nah, that was Carrie…"

"Who me?" Carrie asked, her mouth full of corn dogs.

"Let's just watch the fight," Dandy said.

QT rolled between the huge knight-bot's legs as it stumbled forward, blindly swinging along the ground. He grabbed the arm of a fallen robot and launched it at the punching robot. The arm glanced off the iron bruiser, causing it to turn its attention to the little yellow robot. It tossed the battered remains of the other robot to the side and closed in on QT.

"That's it, we're busting QT out!" Dandy brandished his pistol and prepared to jump out of the stands.

"I knew you were worried," Meow said.

"Shut up!" Dandy kicked Meow, but Meow caught his leg and pushed back.

"Wait!" A voice called out just as the machine was about to stomp on the much smaller QT.

Meow and Dandy watched as a man jumped out of the stands and ran onto the field. He stood between QT and this hulking robot, stopping the fight. The referee from before walked onto the arena as a red light flashed overhead.

"Hey, is that Xander?" Meow asked, observing the scene.

"What the hell is he doing?" Dandy asked.

"Sir, you can't be on the field in the middle of a fight!" The ref exclaimed.

"I can't let this fight continue!" Xander argued.

"And why not?"

"Because…" Xander thought quickly, then thought up a lie. "Because this robot was cheating!"

The ref's eyes widened and the crowd gasped.

"Do you have any evidence?" The ref asked.

"You should see it if you watched the tapes," Xander explained. Dandy jumped out of the stands and climbed into the arena.

"What the hell are you doing!?" He asked Xander.

"Shh… I'm stalling this fight so you can get QT out of here. This is no place for a robot like him. No offense, QT."

"None taken!"

"But we really did cheat!" Dandy whispered. "You're gonna get us caught!"

"Well, you shouldn't have entered QT in the first place! He wasn't designed for this level of combat!" Xander whispered back. "You're so irresponsible!"

"Gentlemen, if I may interrupt," the ref said, "we need to wrap this up. I'll review the tapes if you both get off the stage."

"Wait, don't review those tapes!" Dandy pleaded with the judge. "This robot wasn't cheating! This guy's just drunk!"

"I don't drink…" Xander replied.

"We're checking those security tapes," the ref answered sternly. He walked out of the arena.

Xander picked up QT and handed him to Dandy. "Now take your robot and run!"

"What's the big idea, sabotaging my plan?" Dandy shouted.

"Sabotage? You shouldn't have even entered your robot in the first place!" Xander shouted back.

"Hey, I had it under control the entire time!" Dandy lied. "I gave QT plenty of tools to sabotage the other contestants during the fight."

"You mean you actually cheated!? Do you know what they do to cheaters?"

"Uh, you guys…" QT interrupted, pointing behind Dandy.

Just as Xander finished his sentence, the hulking knight robot stood to its feet. It tore off its useless appendage and picked up its axe.

"After reviewing the security tapes," a voice over the intercom blared, "Contestant number twenty-four, QT, has been found guilty of cheating! It and its owners will now face the ultimate penalty! Death!"

The crowd went absolutely wild, their applause and cheers reaching deafening levels.

"But what about Contestant 23?" QT asked, pointing to his robot friend, who was still pinned to the wall. "That is the robot you were sponsoring, right Xander?"

"Actually, the robot I sponsored was that one," Xander pointed to the huge-fisted robot with the chain knuckles that was beating up the other robot. "I'm not sure why that buzzsaw robot was helping you."

"The other gentleman has twenty seconds to leave the arena," the announcer blared.

Just then, the arena exit slowly started to close. Without a second thought, Xander and Dandy bolted towards it, Xander taking a substantial lead. He slid through the door and stopped to help Dandy through, but the door slammed shut.

"Damn!" Xander cursed, pounding his fist on the door. He started fiddling with the control panel beside it. "Hold on, Dandy! I'll get you out!"

"Don't bother, you jerk! I'll get myself out!" Dandy turned around and fired his pistol at the hulking knight bot stomping towards them, but the shots just glanced off his thick armored plating.

"How can that thing even see? I thought I blinded it." QT remarked.

"That's okay, we've got a Plan B!"

Dandy turned to the stands and started waving at Carrie.

"Hey Carrie! We need help down here!"

Dandy pulled out a bunch of flags, with "HELP" written on them and started waving them around. Unfortunately, the Sepian was standing all the way at the upper level, her back turned to the arena. She was too busy ordering snacks from a food vendor to even hear what Dandy was yelling.

"I'll take one of those, and this, and that..." Carrie said, pointing at several food items the vendor carried.

"Hey, I think your friends in the arena are trying to get your attention," the vendor informed her.

Carrie turned around and saw Dandy and QT waving flags at her. She was much too far away to read what was written on them, and to be honest, she was much too hungry to care enough to bother reading them anyway.

"Hi, guys!" Carrie waved back. She turned back to the vendor and grabbed a soft pretzel. "And I want this, and that, and some of those…"

Dandy and QT waved and screamed, but soon realized that they wouldn't be getting any help from their blonde lizard friend. They watched as she followed the food vendor out of sight, still buying more food items.

"So much for Plan B…" Dandy said.

"What about Meow?"

"Hold on, guys!" Meow shouted as he ran down the stairs towards the arena.

Before he could reach them, however, a huge crowd of people trampled him.

"Ouch…"

Dandy was about to open his mouth when QT stopped him.

"I know what you're going to say. 'Damn that fanfic author and damn those concession stand vendors'."

"How did you know I was going to say that?"

"Because I was just thinking that myself…"

The knight robot's huge axe came crashing down between Dandy and QT. The two ran off in opposite directions, hoping to confuse the metal hulk. It turned towards Dandy ran at him. Dandy was about to back himself in a corner when a set of drills popped out of the arena, stopping him. The metal knight stood over the cornered alien hunter, brandishing its axe.

Suddenly, the huge robot cringed as sparks flew from its right leg. The robot that was helping QT had torn off one of the arena's buzzsaws and was using it to slice away at the knight robot's leg. Outraged, the hulking mass of metal took a swipe at it, but the buzzsaw robot dodged.

"Dandy, over here!" Xander called out from the arena exit. "I've hacked into the door controls!"

QT rolled towards the door as fast as his motor would allow and slid inside the corridor with Xander. Dandy bolted for the door as the knight robot stomped on their buzzsaw robot ally, smashing it to pieces.

The knight robot turned towards Dandy and plodded after him, but the alien hunter had a considerable lead on him. Dandy ran through the doorway, grabbed QT, and bolted towards the exit. Two guards suddenly ran in from the opposite direction.

"What do you think you're doing?" One of them asked Xander.

"I tried to stop those cheaters, but they ran that way!" Xander pointed down the opposite corridor Dandy and QT took. The guards thanked him and ran off. "That's three you owe me, Dandy!"

Dandy's escape route led him and QT into a maintenance tunnel for the food court, where they found Carrie and Meow munching on soft pretzels.

"Thanks for the help, guys!" Dandy shouted sarcastically.

"We can be angry at them later," QT said. "Let's get out of here, first!"

"But my pretzel!" Carrie whined as Dandy dragged her away with Meow tucked under his arm.

Dandy and QT bolted out the exit and took a taxi back to the docks, where they hid inside their ship, locking all the doors and barring all the windows. Angry fans and security detail pounded on the door, but they couldn't get through the Aloha Oe's thick armor. Utterly exhausted, Dandy and QT slunk onto the couch.

"That was almost the end of both of us," Dandy panted.

"Yeah," QT replied. "What about those guys outside?" QT gestured towards the door, angry robot battle patrons still pounding at the door.

"Eh, they'll give up eventually. And what the hell is wrong with you two?" Dandy asked Carrie and Meow angrily. He stood to his feet. "Why didn't you help us back there?"

"Hey, I tried, but I draw the line at getting stomped on!" Meow argued.

"And I was hungry!" Carrie yelled back.

"No excuses!" Dandy replied. He fell back into the couch. "Ugh, I'm too exhausted to fight with you two…"

Suddenly, the phone started to ring.

"Ugh, someone get that…"

Meow picked up the receiver.

"I didn't even know we had a phone. Hello? No, this is Mymyamo. Dandy?" Meow looked at Dandy who shook his head. "He's not available at the moment. What's that? You need an alien hunter? Well, we usually don't take call-in jobs-"

Upon hearing the word "job", Dandy jumped off the couch and snatched the phone away from the Betelgeusian.

"Space Dandy, dandiest alien hunter in the galaxy speaking! TV? What do you mean I'm on TV?"

QT overheard the conversation and flipped on the TV. There was a news report about Dandy's escape from the Orion Arena and his "fight" with the massive knight robot.

"Yes, that robot was mine. Sure, as long as the pay's good. We don't normally get hired by private parties to hunt aliens but… Five-hundred thousand woolongs!? Hell yeah, we'll take the job! Great, we'll see you soon, baby!"

Dandy slammed the phone on the receiver.

"Who was that?" Carrie asked.

"That was our next paycheck! The president of Slateford Mining Company saw us on TV and wants us to do dispose of a new alien species for him."

"But we're alien hunters, Dandy," QT said. "The last time we tracked down a 'new' alien species, we only made ten lousy credits and wound up with that."

QT pointed to Carrie, who was happily munching on one of Dandy's pin-up magazines.

"This time it's different. This pay is guaranteed as long as we catch this alien! And we can cash it in at the registration office once we've collected our payment and score a double bounty!"

"Did you at least get a description of it this time?"

"No." QT put his hand over his face screen. "But he did say he'd describe the alien in detail once we met him in person!"

"How much are we getting paid?" QT asked.

"Five-hundred thousand woolongs!"

A string of dollar signs flashed over QT's screen.

"Wow! Wait a minute, with that high of a reward, this job has to be really dangerous."

"Eh, we can handle it. We've got the Hawaii Yankee Special®!"

"Dandy, stop doing that! Those trademark symbols are expensive!" The yellow robot scolded him.

"So when do we meet this guy?" Meow asked.

"At the beginning of the next chapter," Dandy replied.

"Which is…?"

"I dunno, I guess whenever the author decides to update again."

"So… six to eight weeks?"

"Yup, sounds about right."

Dandy sat down on the couch, then realized what he had just said.

"Wait a minute, eight weeks!? What the hell? I can't wait long!" The alien hunter stood to his feet and stomped. "Where's that damn author? Eight weeks! I need that money now!"

A/N: Sorry for the late update. I've been having to work late. Fortunately, you guys won't have to wait eight weeks for the next update, as I should have it ready by tomorrow night! See you then, and thanks for reading!