A/N: Finally, I can update! Just to dispel the rumors I'm not dead, nor am I terminally ill. College has just been kicking my ass…Plus I've been asked to help a friend write a script, so I've been busy with that, too. Also, I've got a minor confession. I haven't seen the last eight episodes of Space Dandy yet. There's no cable here at college, and the internet is too unreliable to watch any videos. I do have them on my DVR back home, so I plan on watching them over Thanksgiving break. Anyway, thank you guys for reading and enjoy Chapter 8!
The universe is filled with billions of extraterrestrial beings, many of them new and undiscovered! But one man named Dandy plans on finding and registering them all! He travels the universe with his crew and amazing pompadour in search of adventure, excitement, and boobies! These are the adventures of the dandiest guy in space, Space Dandy!
Dandy's alarm clock blared, waking the alien hunter from his sleep. He threw the covers off of him and sat up, then turned off his alarm clock, stretched his arms, and stood to his feet.
"I'm feeling pretty good today," Dandy said as he stretched his shoulder.
The alien hunter left his bedroom and strolled into the living room where his shipmates were going about their usual antics. Meow lounged on the couch, typing something on his cellphone, Carrie munched one of Dandy's palm trees, and QT vacuumed the floor. Yup, just a typical morning aboard the Aloha Oe...
"Good morning, Dandy!" QT greeted him. "You look like you're having a good morning."
"Better than good," Dandy replied, stretching his arms. "Say, have you heard of any leads on a rare or undiscovered alien yet?"
"Unfortunately, no… Why do you ask?"
"Well, it's just that we haven't really been hunting for a while, and today I feel like going out after one."
"We could always just paint Carrie's skin green and turn her in as a Chaldarian," Meow suggested.
"No way, baby, I want to actually get out and hunt something! Get my hands dirty! Maybe meet some bodacious space-babes along the way!"
"Maybe we could stop by the registration center and see if Scarlet has heard of any," QT suggested as he emptied his dust filter into the trash.
"Sounds good to me," Dandy replied.
A short time later, the crew found themselves at the Registration Center front desk. The center was usually bustling with alien hunters trying to register aliens, but today, the only alien hunters there was Dandy and his crew.
"What do you mean no one's reported any unknown alien sightings!?" Dandy shouted at Scarlet, who was sitting nonchalantly at her desk.
"No explorers have called any in," Scarlet explained.
"Don't you have any unregistered aliens on file, or something?" Dandy asked. Scarlet was oddly jolted by the question.
"Well, uh… no. When the calls stopped coming in, the other alien hunters took all the files we had and registered them all." Dandy glanced at Scarlet's desk, and noticed a large file poking out of her desk drawer.
"Well, could you let me have that one?" Dandy asked. Scarlet covered the file with her hand.
"No! Just… go away! I'll call you if any leads come in! Bye!"
Scarlet closed down a metal shutter in front of her desk and locked it. Dandy pounded at it, refusing to give up.
"C'mon, just give me the file so we can get that alien!" Scarlet curled up under her desk, clutching that file. "You know I can just have Carrie tear down this shutter."
"Go away!" She shouted back. She had hunkered down under her desk, clinging to the file for dear life.
"I'm not leaving until I get that file, Scarlet!" Dandy yelled. He waited a few moments, and then he turned to Carrie. "Tear this thing down so we can get that file, okay?"
Carrie saluted the alien hunter. "Okey-dokey."
Scarlet felt her desk shake as Carrie climbed on top of it.
"Stop! You don't understand!" Scarlet cried.
Carrie's hands tore through the metal curtain like tin-foil. She gripped the metal curtain and ripped it away relatively easily. Dandy, Meow, and QT climbed over Scarlet's desk, blocking any escape route. Carrie sat down on top of the desk, letting her legs and tail hang over the side.
"What the hell's wrong with you?" Dandy asked bluntly. "We just want the file. Shouldn't be that big of a deal, baby."
Defeated, Scarlet crawled out from under her desk, still clutching the file.
"This file belongs to an unregistered alien by the name of Seth the Planet Killer…" Scarlet finally answered. "He is a dangerous mercenary who mostly roams around the universe's outer territories."
"So," Dandy said. "He doesn't sound that tough…"
"Just listen!" Scarlet screamed, her eyes welling up. "Seth is extremely dangerous, Dandy! This guy is the strongest and most powerful mercenary in the known universe!"
"So, we'll just have Carrie out-muscle him!"
"I'll throw a big rock at 'em!" Carrie exclaimed, throwing a fist in the air.
"No he's stronger, believe me! He's destroyed entire planets just by striking the ground!"
"What?" Dandy sounded shocked for a moment, but then he let out a laugh. "Sounds like a hell of a tall-tale, if you ask me! I thought you were too old to believe-"
"I do believe it! I've seen him do it!" Scarlet snapped, tears falling down her face. "He… this monster destroyed my home planet!"
Dandy took a step back, shocked by what he had just heard; Scarlet obviously wasn't lying.
"Also… the last alien hunter I assigned to track him down was beaten to a pulp," Scarlet explained. "If something happened to you I-"
Dandy grabbed her shoulders.
"Hey, nothing's going to happen, believe me, baby," Dandy reassured her. His look of shock had been replaced by a look of determination. "Just let me have the file. You don't even have to pay us if we catch him."
Scarlet reluctantly handed Dandy the massive file. He opened it and looked at the countless police reports. This…Seth… was responsible for the destruction of thousands of planets and innumerable deaths. A few reports were also very old, one even dating over a thousand years.
"If you're going after him, it might be best to leave Carrie somewhere," Scarlet told him. "Her stepfather sent us this data-chip the other day."
Scarlet handed Dandy a data chip. He plugged it into his ear and listened for a moment until the audio recording cut off with a clip.
"So, that's why Carrie's the only… whatever she is… left in the universe," Dandy mumbled.
"Seth was hired by an unknown client to hunt down and destroy every known Sepian in the universe many years ago," Scarlet explained. "If he saw Carrie, there's no telling what his reaction would be."
Dandy simply nodded. He turned around and put his hand on Carrie's shoulder.
"Carrie, I want you to stay here." Carrie furrowed her eyebrows and frowned.
"But why?"
"It's too dangerous for you to go." Carrie folded her arms and puffed out her cheeks. "Hey, don't be that way. On the bright side, you get to take a nice little vacation!"
"But I wanna got on an adventure, too!" Carrie argued.
"Hey, even adventurers take a vacation every once in a while. Scarlet, do you know of anyone who can watch Carrie until we get back?" Carrie pouted and the hairs on her tail flared out.
Scarlet dried her eyes. "No, not off the top of my head. I would but I'm working overtime all week… Hey, what about Honey? I think she said she was going on vacation this week."
"I don't think she'd want to drag someone else with her," QT remarked.
"Well, she called me this morning and asked if I wanted to go with her to Los Nebulos for the week, but like I said, I'm stuck here."
"Why don't we call her and ask?" Meow asked. "I've got her number right here." He pulled out his cell phone, but Carrie snatched it from him and bit it in half. "Hey!"
"Here let me try,"
Scarlet said, pulling her own cell phone out. Carrie tried to grab it and dispose of it as well, but she was too short to reach Scarlet's phone.
"Hello? Yeah, it's me. Oh, you've just finished packing? No, I still can't come with you. Damn bosses… Hey, Dandy wants to know if you'd be willing to take Carrie with you on your trip. He's going on a big alien hunt and can't take her with him. Okay. All right, I'll tell them meet you there. Okay, have fun! Bye!" Scarlet closed her phone. "Honey said to meet her at Hub 893 in an hour."
"You hear that? You get to go to Los Nebulos for a few days," Dandy said to Carrie, who merely grumbled in response.
Meanwhile, billions of miles away in another galaxy, on a planet ravaged by war and death, a small, brown, chameleon-like alien wearing a purple schoolgirl uniform and large glasses scurried beneath a rock formation. Suddenly, the ground began to quake and crumble around her as a heavily armored, hulking figure walks past. Its thick, battle-scarred armor clanked with each heavy footstep. The small reptilian alien stared at the figure's massive foot as it stopped directly in front of her hiding place.
"I know where you're hiding," a loud, booming voice echoed. "My heartbeat monitor can detect your heart rate."
The huge figure grabbed the rock formation and tore it from the ground as if it were made of Styrofoam. The reptilian alien froze as she watched this colossal being crush the formation into a fine dust in its hand.
"You shouldn't have been snooping in my client's files," the booming voice, which seemed to be coming from this giant, said. "My contract says I have to dispose of snoops like you."
The reptilian girl watched in horror as the figure brought his gigantic hand down on top of her. Instead of splattering her into oblivion, like he was obviously capable of doing, the giant armored figure scooped her up in his hand.
"Fortunately for you, I just terminated my contract with my former client. He refused to complete his payment." The giant opened his hand and gazed at the cowering lizard girl quivering like a leaf in his massive palm. "I'm not going to squash you. You might stain my suit's greaves!" The giant let out a huge laugh that shook the ground.
The lizard girl turned to look at her captor. She couldn't see his face for the massive helmet covering it. Like his armor, his helmet was riddled with scratches and indentations. She could barely make out his eyes behind a couple of small openings, veiled by a clear red material.
"Sorry I gave you a scare back there," the creature said. "My client was strict about keeping anyone from snooping around in his personal files."
The lizard girl curled up into a tight ball, still very much afraid of him. The giant turned around to face the mass-destruction he had left in his wake. An entire civilization lay in ruins before him and the sky was filled with hundreds of warships, all of them ablaze and hurtling towards the planet's surface.
"Well, since you obviously don't have any place to go, you can tag along with me. I could use someone to talk to, even if you are too scared to talk back." And with that, the giant closed his fingers around the lizard girl and carried her to his ship.
As this was happening, Dandy and his crew had landed at Hub 893, which was a massive space station shaped like a giant ring, designed for public transportation between solar systems. The four of them waded through a crowd of aliens, trying to find their favorite blonde waitress.
"Dammit, she didn't say this place would be crowded," Dandy muttered as he got sandwiched in between two morbidly obese aliens.
"Hey, there she is!" QT shouted and pointed through the sea of aliens.
"Where?" Meow asked as people trampled on him. "Ouch, dammit watch where you're going!"
"Just follow me…"
Dandy, QT, and Carrie followed QT to a platform where Honey was waiting for them on a bench. She had three large bags at her feet.
"There you guys are," Honey said as the crew dragged themselves out of the ravenous crowd. "And there's my little traveling companion!"
Honey gave the scowling Carrie a hug and scratched her on the head, causing her to smile; she liked that. An android walked up and grabbed Honey's bags. She waved a holographic ticket in Carrie's face.
"I've already bought our tickets!"
"Ma'am, we are ready to depart," the android said. "Please follow me."
"I'd love to chat, but our flight's about to leave," Honey said as the robot walked away.
"We've got to go, too. I've got a big reward coming my way once we bag us a wanted alien." Dandy winked and gave a thumbs-up. "If we don't see you guys at the end of this chapter, we'll tell you all about it in the next one!"
"Well, c'mon Carrie!" Honey dragged Carrie away. "See ya later, Dandy!"
"Wait, can we get a happy meal first?"
"No time, we're leaving!"
Dandy, QT, and Meow watched as Honey and Carrie piled onto a humongous luxury starship. As soon as the ship was loaded to capacity, it took off. The three of them watched as it flew out of sight.
"Well, we better head out, too," Dandy said as he lit himself a cigarette.
"I dunno, I'm starting to think I should've been on that flight, too…" Meow whimpered.
"Eh, you're just being a fraidy-cat!"
"I'm not a cat, I'm a Betelgeusian!" Meow shouted. "And I still wish the writer would've put me on that ship, too. I have a bad feeling about where this chapter's heading…"
"We'll be fine," Dandy reassured him. "As long as we've got each other and our ship, nothing can stop us! Not even some guy who can supposedly shatter planets with his bare hands!"
"That's reassuring…" QT muttered.
As Dandy and his crew wandered back to his ship, somewhere in the deepest reaches of space, a massive ship riddled with rust and wear drifted along, a huge planet with other smaller ships orbiting it in the background. Etched into its side in an ancient language was the word "SETH" and within its hull, the ship's owner, the hulking alien from before was seated at the controls with his captive companion lying beside him on the ship's console. Beside him was a nameplate with the name "Captain Roy Davidson" scratched out and the name "Seth" etched over it in the same writing as on the ship's hull.
"Trust me, I'm doing you a favor," Seth reassured the frightened lizard girl. "Once my client's clean-up crew goes in to clean up the mess, they won't leave any survivors."
"Wh-why are you doing this?" The tiny lizard girl stammered.
"Pay was good," Seth answered. "Besides, that's all my people are good for, destruction. All I'm good for is to be an attack dog. I can't do anything else…"
"Y-you could try to be g-g-good…," the lizard girl stammered.
Seth laughed. "Not with this face."
Seth removed his helmet and showed the girl his hideous face. It was nothing but mass of writhing muscle tissue in the shape of a giant head, with two sets of yellow eyeballs peering out from beneath the mass of flesh that writhed like worms. His mouth appeared to be just an opening with large, jagged teeth. Seeing he was frightening the girl further, Seth chuckled a bit and put his helmet back on. The girl's skin turned from brown to black.
"Yeah, everyone has that reaction. I'm a big, scary pile of living muscle. No bones, no major internal organs…" The lizard girl began to sob. "Hey, you're the one who got nosey. Stop that…" Seth put his hand on his forehead as the lizard girl continued to cry. "Look, I'm sorry I scared you. Okay? If it makes you feel any better, I'll release you at my next stop."
Seth decided to try and ignore her, and pressed a few buttons on the ship's console. His massive ship took off, as the planet behind it imploded.
Meanwhile, Dandy and his crew were in their own ship, headed off to find this Seth guy. As usual, they had nothing to go on but the file given to them by Scarlet. Dandy snuffed out his cigarette and unplugged his laser gun from its charging port.
"I can't wait to bag that alien and get our reward!" Dandy exclaimed.
"But I thought you weren't going to cash it in at the registry center?" QT asked.
"I'm not. I'm turning him to the Intergalactic PD! Did you see the bounty on this guy's head? Eight-hundred billion woolongs!"
Meow overheard Dandy and his eyes bugged out. "Hot damn, we could buy our own solar system with that kind of dough!"
"We could do that and more, considering current exchange rates and planet prices," QT added.
"And on top of that, this is personal!" Dandy cupped his hand over his fist. "This jerkass upset Scarlet, and it's up to Dandy to bring this guy to justice!" Dandy aimed his pistol at a poster of Seth hanging on the wall and shot at it, missing his face and hitting the edge of the poster. "With my slick skills, we'll bag that alien!"
"Yeah, if we're hunting sheets of paper," Meow said sarcastically.
"Shut up! What about you? Did you remember to bring the supplies?"
"Yeah I got them," Meow replied, pointing toward several large, metal boxes.
Dandy opened one of them to reveal a massive amount of military-grade weapons and ammunition. Meow pulled out a large pump-action plasma shotgun and Dandy pulled out a rocket launcher. QT grabbed two pistols and threw a long-range hunting rifle over his shoulders.
"At least we're going in prepared," QT mumbled.
"We're going in more than prepared!" Meow pumped his shotgun and looked down its sights.
"How much did all of this cost?" QT asked Dandy.
"Quite a bit, but fortunately we received a generous donation by a gracious benefactor…"
Meanwhile, on a distant planet, Xander was standing in a parts shop. The shop's owner, a mole-like alien, walked up to him holding his bank card.
"I'm sorry sir, but the computer says your bank account is empty."
"But that's impossible," Xander replied. "Can you try running it again." Just then, Skrull, the metallic skeleton man, walked up behind Xander.
"You might want to read this," Skrull said. He handed Xander a sheet of paper. Xander skimmed over the paper and pounded his forehead on the shop-owner's counter.
"Goddammit, Dandy…"
Back on Seth's ship, the lizard girl had calmed down considerably. She was wandering around the massive console as Seth kept a close eye on her. Her skin was now a greenish black color.
"Is this your first time on a spaceship?" Seth asked her.
"N-no… I snuck aboard one once. It's my first time in space, though…"
"Do you have a name?"
"Uh, Ca-Camille…"
"Still a little scared, eh? Can't say I blame you. I tend to have that effect on people." Seth focused on his piloting for a moment, while Camille stared at him. Her skin turned a lighter shade of green. "What are you anyway, a Chameleonian?"
"No, sir. Everyone thinks that about us, but we're actually Chamaeleonese."
"I see. So, can you change your appearance?"
"No, just my color, and only according to my mood."
"That's kinda useless…" Seth pressed the auto-pilot button and took his hands off the controls. "You want something to drink?"
"Well, I am a bit thirsty…"
"You like orange cola?" Camille nodded. "I don't have anything smaller than a three thousand gallon container, but you can have a bit of mine, I guess."
Seth stood to his feet and went around to the back of the cockpit where a huge refrigerator sat in the corner of the room. He opened the door and grabbed a huge container of soda the size of a water tower and walked back to where Camille was patiently waiting on top of the console.
"Twist that thing off right there." Camille pulled a small button off of the console and gave it a weird look. "You can use that for a cup." Seth poured her some soda. "How about we watch some TV?"
"I guess…" Camille answered as she ran her finger along the rim of her makeshift cup.
"All I've got on queue right now are season 2 episodes of Time Police. Is that okay?"
Camille perked up a bit more and her skin turned a rich, leafy green.
"Are you kidding? I love that show!"
Seth pressed a button on the console, and one of the console's screens began showing episodes of Time Police. As the episode's flamboyant opening sequence blared over the console's speakers, Seth noticed a blinking red light to his right. He pressed a button and held a receiver to where his ear should be.
"Seth here," Seth said into the receiver.
"Hey, this is Dr. Gel from the Gogol Empire," a familiar voice answered. "I saw your ad and wanted to know if you were available for a job." Seth looked over his shoulder at Camille, who was still watching Time Police.
"Sure, what's the job?"
"How much do you charge for catch and retrieval?"
"I charge a hundred thou for tracking, and another hundred thou for capture and transport."
Seth heard Dr. Gel's jaw hit the ground. "Two hundred thousand woolongs!?" Dr. Gel cleared his throat. "Very well. I'll transfer eighty thousand woolongs to your account and pay you the rest when the job is finished. Remember, you are to bring him to me alive!"
"You've got it." Seth hung the receiver up and sat back down. "Hey, tell me what happens. I've got to do a bit of work." Seth pressed a button on his chair arm, bringing up a holographic image of the Aloha Oe.
Speaking of said ship, back on the Aloha Oe, QT examined a holographic image of Seth's own ship on his computer console. Behind him, Dandy and Meow were loading weapons and preparing for a huge fight; they weren't taking any chances this time.
"The computer says that this Seth guy's ship is about to pass through the Druidian System," QT announced. "That's not too far from our current location, so we should be able to intercept him there."
"Awesome!" Dandy shouted with a determined grin on his face. "We'll bag him, score some points with Scarlet, and turn him in for that huge bounty!"
The Aloha Oe came out of hyperspace beside a grey, rocky planet with a huge chunk taken out of it and similarly-colored debris floating nearby. As Dandy's ship slowed to a stop, an enormous brown ship exited hyperspace near their location; Seth!
"Hang on Camille," Seth said as he grabbed his controls.
"Wha-what's going on?" Camille asked as the console stopped screening Time Police.
"I've got a quick job to do."
Seth's ship turned towards the Aloha Oe. Meanwhile, the Aloha Oe shot out of its hiding place like a bullet and headed on a collision course with Seth's massive ship.
"So, you wanna play chicken…" Seth pressed a button and two massive robot arms unfolded themselves from the bottom of his ship's hull.
"Watch out, Dandy!" QT exclaimed. "That's a grappler ship!"
"A what kind of ship?" Dandy asked, but he got his answer when he saw two large mechanical hands reach for the ship.
Dandy turned the Aloha Oe out of Seth's path, but one of the ship's arms still managed to grab it. The arm tossed the little yellow ship into one of the giant pieces of planet debris.
"There's only one way to deal with this guy!" Dandy shouted as he and his crewmates reeled from the blow. "We've got to transform into the Hawaii Yankee Special™!" Dandy was about to press a button on the ship's console when QT stopped him.
"Wait, we haven't reinstalled the ship's transforming cog!"
"What!?"
"We just got the cog in yesterday! I haven't had a chance to reinstall it!"
"Well go put it in!" Dandy screamed.
The Aloha Oe reeled from another blow courtesy of Seth's ship. This time, the blow shattered the tinier ship's shields and put a nasty dent in its hull. Dandy threw the engines in reverse, but Seth was too fast and kept attacking.
"All too easy," Seth mused as he continued to smack his foe around.
Meanwhile, QT and Meow were trying to install the transforming cog, but were having trouble keeping their balance as the Aloha Oe reeled from the blows of Seth's grappler arms. The ship's warning klaxons blared as the hull took blow after blow.
"Have you guys put that cog in yet?" Dandy asked as he was thrown against the wall.
"We're trying!" QT and Meow both yelled as they themselves were thrown against the wall.
Back aboard Seth's ship, the Genaidian was having a much easier time than Dandy. Seth gripped the ship's grappler arm controls.
"Now, let's finish them off!"
He smacked the battered little ship into the grey planet's debris field, causing it to ricochet off several chunks of debris like a pinball before it crashed down on the planet itself. Seth folded the ship's grappler arms and he landed his own ship on the planet as well.
"You're not gonna hurt them, are you?" Camille asked Seth as he prepared to leave his ship.
"No, this is a capture mission," Seth answered. "I'll be back in a minute."
Seth left his ship and walked towards a large crater with the Aloha Oe's rear engines sticking out of it. Inside, Dandy, QT, and Meow were embedded in the ship's hull, dazed from all that bouncing around the ship did. The three of them shook and peeled themselves from the wall.
"Damn, this guy is tougher than I thought…" Dandy mumbled, still in a slight daze.
Meow caught a glimpse outside the window at Seth as the massive Genaidian stomped towards the ship.
"Oh shit, this guy's huge!"
The three of them stared out the window at Seth; he was big enough to straddle the Aloha Oe like one of those kiddie rides you see outside of the local supermarkets! They went into a frenzy, trying to find the ship's transforming cog.
"Where the hell did that cog go?!" Dandy asked, looking underneath a couch cushion.
"It's not behind here," Meow said, looking under a picture frame.
"I found it!" QT held up a round, metal ball with gear teeth carved into it.
"Quick, put it in!" Dandy and Meow yelled as QT fumbled with the cog.
Dandy ran to the cockpit as QT installed the cog. Just as QT finished installing it, and as Seth reached the ship, Dandy pressed a button on the ship's console. The Aloha Oe twisted and turned, as it quickly transformed into the Hawaii Yankee Special™.
"What the hell? Is it transforming?" Seth asked.
The giant, swimming trunks-wearing robot stood before him. The Hawaii Yankee Special™ stood as tall as Seth did, however the robot still looked like a stick compared to Seth's bulk.
"You're in trouble now!" Dandy exclaimed as the Hawaii Yankee Special™ ran towards Seth.
The Hawaii Yankee Special™ threw a punch at Seth, but the Genaidian caught it easily. The giant robot strained to break the lock, but Seth shoved the robot back with his one arm. Seth then grinned behind his mask as he twisted his wrist and closed his hand, both crushing the Hawaii Yankee Special's™ hand and twisting its arm off. Seth then closed his free hand into a fist and swung it at his opponent, but the Hawaii Yankee Special™ jumped back, causing Seth to miss.
"Okay, so he's tougher than I thought," Dandy admitted, examining the stump where the Hawaii Yankee Special's™ left arm used to be.
"I say we get the hell outta here…" Meow suggested.
"For once that doesn't sound like a bad idea," Dandy agreed.
Dandy did what any sensible alien hunter would in this situation. He pressed a button, causing the Hawaii Yankee Special™ to transform back into the Aloha Oe and he got the hell out of there! The ship rocketed away from the planet at a high speed as Seth looked up at them.
"They always run," Seth muttered to himself.
He pressed a button on his wrist armor and a large gun folded out. He aimed it at Dandy's ship and fired, blowing one of the ship's engines off. The damaged ship transformed back into the Hawaii Yankee Special™ and a giant version of Dandy's laser gun materialized in its hand. It returned fire, blowing chunks of Seth's armor off, revealing the writhing, worm-like purple muscle tissue underneath.
Seth aimed his wrist gun at the Hawaii Yankee Special™ to shoot it again, but the robot shot it off, along with his wrist armor. Seth pressed a button on his other wrist and a small energy shield appeared. The Hawaii Yankee Special™ fired more shots at Seth, but the shield deflected them.
Its engines too damaged to escape, the giant robot began to plummet towards Seth. The flamboyant robot threw its gun away and pulled out a massive, flaming energy sword from its back. The sword and Seth's wrist shield collided, and Seth shoved the robot off of him with his arm.
The Hawaii Yankee Special™ ran at Seth to attack him again, but once again, Seth blocked the attack. Dandy kept attacking the Genaidian, backing him out of the crater. Seth blocked blow after blow as Dandy swung the energy sword wildly at him.
"I thought we were going to run away!" Meow screamed. "What are you doing? We gotta get out of here before he beats us to a pulp!" The Betelgeusian grabbed at the controls, but Dandy kicked him away.
"We can't! He blew our starboard engine off!" Dandy answered as he continued his assault. "Our only option now is to fight him!"
Dandy finally found an opening and lopped off Seth's massive arm. With his shield gone, Dandy stabbed Seth in the chest. Camille, who was watching from the ship, gasped when she saw Dandy's energy sword plunge into Seth's chest.
Seth's head slumped a bit, but he suddenly began to chuckle. His chuckle burst into a booming, evil cackle as he grew his arm back and used it to backhand the Hawaii Yankee Special™, sending it flying backwards.
Seth's unarmored arm stretched into thousands of purple, wormlike tentacles and grabbed the damaged mecha. He gave the robot a toss and then slammed it into the side of his ship's hull. Seth then removed Dandy's energy sword from his chest and pointed it at the Hawaii Yankee Special™.
"You're a lot more fun than I thought you'd be," Seth said. "If I didn't have to capture you and turn you in, I'd ask if you would be interested in teaming up."
"I'll never team up with scum like you!" Dandy yelled. "You destroyed the home world of one of my friends, and slaughtered the race of another friend of mine. You're nothing but a monster!"
The Hawaii Yankee Special™ kicked the energy sword out of Seth's hand and punched him in the face, denting his helmet in. The helmet crumbled, revealing Seth's hideous face. Seth ripped off one of the grappler arms off his ship and used it to swat Dandy away.
"You think I want to destroy planets!? You think I want to slaughter billions of lives!?" Seth stood over the Hawaii Yankee Special™ as it tried to stand to its feet. "Look at me!" Seth grabbed the giant mech and put its face to his. "I'm a giant mass of death and destruction. What other lifestyle is there for me?" Seth tossed the Hawaii Yankee Special™ where it landed next to the energy sword. "I destroy because I have to survive! For several millennia, people have feared me because of my strength and hideous appearance. If I went soft, I would be hunted down and killed."
As Seth walked towards the Hawaii Yankee Special™, the giant mecha gripped the discarded energy sword lying on the ground.
"Before I became a mercenary, I was like the rest of my people. We are feared and hated because we are powerful, so we hide in the farthest reaches of space, away from civilization. I did the same when I was young. My family and I hid for eons in a small system on the outer rim of the universe, until some space pirates found us. Afraid we would attack them first, they drove us from our home and murdered my family."
"Geez, what a monologue…" Meow muttered.
"It was then that I grew tired of hiding, so I fought back. I decided I would survive, and I found that if I affirmed the fear others had of me, then I would be left alone! I built up my reputation and grew stronger with every passing century. And now, I am the strongest, most feared creature in the universe!"
Seth broke the hand off of the detached grappler arm, causing the end to form a sharp point.
"I no longer have to live in fear!" Seth held the pointed end of the broken grappler arm at the Hawaii Yankee Special™ like a spear. "I have acquired something my people only dreamed of. Freedom!"
Seth charged and thrusted the sharp point at the Hawaii Yankee Special™, but the giant mecha countered with the energy sword, slicing off both of Seth's arms. The quicker robot then sliced through Seth's side, cleaving the powerful mercenary in half. Seth's torso crashed to the ground as his legs collapsed where he once stood.
"You're wrong, Seth," Dandy said as he stood over the Genaidian. "You're not free. You traded fear for power, and that power has enslaved you. You said so yourself. You don't want to hurt others, but you feel that you have to so you can keep yourself alive. That's not freedom, and it sure as hell isn't something to be proud of!"
Seth looked up at the battered Hawaii Yankee Special™, and at Dandy seated at the controls. The two stared at each other for what seemed like ages, and then Seth laid his head in the dirt.
"I bet you're lonely, too," Dandy continued. "You drive everyone away by building a wall of fear around yourself."
Seth opened his eyes and gritted his teeth. He thought about his family and how much he missed spending time with them. Then, he remembered Camille, who was still waiting for him in his ship. Seth snarled and tightened his fist.
"You're wrong!" Seth bellowed. "You think you know me, but you don't know nothing!"
Seth literally pulled himself together and grabbed the Hawaii Yankee Special's™ remaining arm. He tore it and flung it and the sword it was gripping deep into space. Seth then grinned as he threw a punch at the ground at the Hawaii Yankee Special's™ feet, causing the whole planet to shake. Dandy tried to steady his mecha as it reeled from the violent quake. Seth retreated into his ship and flew off into space.
Meanwhile, the planet he punched exploded into cloud of dust and molten magma, the shockwave sending the Hawaii Yankee Special™ tumbling through space. As Seth's spaceship sped away from the shockwave, both Seth and Camille looked back. The words Dandy said to Seth echoed in the Genaidian's head. Seth looked down at Camille, who was still looking at the window. She looked up at Seth and smiled.
"Maybe you're right after all, Space Dandy…" Seth thought as he gently patted Camille on the head. His massive ship flew out of sight. "Hey Camille, how are you with computers?"
"Computers!? I almost as good with computers as I am with Time Police trivia!"
Seth grinned. "Good, I think I have a job for you…"
After tumbling though space, the Hawaii Yankee Special™ finally regained control with the only free engine it had left. The mech was battered and beaten, both of its arms missing. The giant metal pompadour that once adorned its head was smashed to bits and the metal swimming trunks it wore were heavily damaged.
"Did we make it?" Meow asked as he climbed out from under the couch.
"I think so," Dandy answered, patting himself down to make sure he was all in one piece.
"So, what should we do now?" QT asked.
"Well, the Hawaii Yankee Special™ is too damaged to transform back into the Aloha Oe, but we might be able to warp out of here."
"I don't think that's happening any time soon," Meow said, pointing down into the engine room.
QT and Dandy peered inside to look at what Meow was pointing at. They saw that their warp drive had been smashed into tiny pieces during the fight.
"And how much did you pay for those weapons again?" QT inquired.
"Twenty-thousand woolongs…" Dandy answered.
"That should repair the hull and buy us a new warp drive if we get it used," QT replied. "Wait, didn't you take out an insurance policy on the Aloha Oe?"
Dandy rubbed his chin. "I think so... Oh yeah! I took one out the day after Carrie destroyed the ship and became a crew member after Chapter Two."
"That's good, now all we need to do is get someone to tow us to our insurance policy holders and report the damages, then let them pay for the repair work."
"Do we have any way to pay for a towing service?" Meow asked.
"No…"
Dandy, QT, and Meow groaned in unison.
"Well, we could just wait for everything to reset next chapter like it normally does," QT suggested.
"Not with the writer's current production rate!" Dandy protested. "We'd be here for months if we waited on that lazy asshole!"
"I found a buck fifty under the couch," Meow said. "Maybe we could scrape up enough to get to the next planet."
"We'll have to scrape up two-hundred fifty woolongs…" QT murmured.
"I guess we better get scraping then," Dandy sighed as he turned a dirty sock upside down.
Meanwhile, Dr. Gel was waiting to hear back from Seth. He tapped his fingers impatiently on the side of his face.
"What is taking that guy? He is supposed to be the best mercenary in the universe! He should've captured Dandy hours ago!"
"Maybe he failed," Bea said.
"Impossible. Seth couldn't possibly fail!"
As Dr. Gel was saying that, a fax came in from Seth. Bea read over it and handed it to Dr. Gel.
"You'd better read this then, sir."
Dr. Gel read over the fax, and then he put his hand over his face.
"Should we go after him and try to get our deposit back?"
"Hell no! That's Seth the Planet Killer! He'd just squash us like insects," Dr. Gel replied. "But that's the last time I hire someone else to do my work for me. From now on, I'm going to try to capture Dandy myself."
