Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the character.
A/N: This is just an idea we had to help those of you that need help with excuses. You are free to use any of these but you may have to modify some of them.
Diary
Chapter 4: Those That Cheat Need Excuses Too
After breakfast was finished and the table had been cleared Harry and Severus again made their way into the sitting room and the diary that laid on the end table by the couch. Each was carrying a cup of tea which they set on the coffee table in front of the couch. Harry hesitated for a moment with a nagging feeling that what he was doing was very wrong. It wasn't that he did not want to share these memories with his professor, instead it was that he felt he was betraying his father's and Sirius memories by sharing them with their enemy.
"What is wrong, Harry?" the potions master asked with concern seeing the drawn look on the teens face and the tears in his eyes.
"I just feel that I am betraying the memory of my father and godfather," Harry muttered looking down at the diary he was stroking. "Maybe this was a bad idea. I mean they would not like the fact that I am sharing this with you. But, I need to share it with someone that I can trust and that can share stories with me about all of them. I would share it with Remus but he only wants to talk about my dad and Sirius. Plus it might be too hard for him right now."
"We can invite him down here if you want," Severus muttered raising to go to the fireplace to floo Remus quarters.
"Only if you would not mind," Harry murmured with a smile.
"I would not have offered of I had minded Severus replied throwing some floo powder into the fireplace and connecting to the DADA professors rooms. Remus had agreed to come back and teach DADA again after the disaster and accident waiting to happen that was known as Delores Umbridge the year before as long as extra precautions were taken at the time of the full moon to ensure the safety of the students in the school.
After Remus agreed to meet in the Potion Master's private rooms Severus returned to the couch and sat next to Harry waiting for the last of the faithful Marauders to join them. "So, Harry, what are we going to read about this time?"
"Here we go," Harry exclaimed looking up from the diary. "The entry starts out a little different but it should be funny at least."
"What can I do for you, Severus?" Remus asked stepping through the floo not yet noticing Harry in the room. "Harry, that isn't what I think it is?" Remus asked finally recognising that Harry was in the room and holding the diary. "Is that the Marauders Diary? Where did you get that?"
"Actually, it is," Harry stated with a blush. "It was in Sirius' vault when I went to Gringott's to go through his stuff. Last night I was reading it with Professor Snape but this morning I thought that dad and Sirius would be upset that I was reading it with him. So he suggested that we invited you to go through it with us."
"Well they did not get a long with Severus in school they would never go against your wishes as long as it was what you wanted," Remus said ruffeling Harry's hair. "And I am honoured that you would want to go through it with me. So where are you in the book?"
"Here," Harry murmured looking at the diary and beginning to read.
January 1975
This morning Sirius was caught with Anna Snape in the dorm by MaryJo. It was the funniest thing watching him stammer for an excuse so we are again sitting in our dorm room trying to come up with excuses. As Remus always says it is better to be prepared then to go into a situation not knowing. He is going to be a great teacher some day.
"You knew that you wanted to be a teacher even back then?" Harry asked looking up at Remus in awe. "I still have no idea what I want to be. I suppose I will be an Aurour because that is what everyone expects me to be."
"Just because everyone believes you should be something does not mean that you should," Remus explained to Harrry. "Infant I believe that you would make a wonderful teacher. You did very well with the DA last year."
"Great Lupin," Snape sneered. "That is all we need. Potter teaching the dunderheads how to get into trouble."
"I do not go looking for trouble it just finds me," Harry muttered going back to the diary.
How to explain why you have another person at your side. Brought to you by the loveable and faithful Marauders Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail.
1. They were really tired and I didn't have the heart to tell them to go to their own bed.
2. I was just practising for you. You said you didn't like amateurs so I was just practising.
3. IF you get caught run off. When you get caught claim it was pollyjuice potion.
4. I'm innocent I tell you she/he came unto me.
5. I was just practising CPR.
"OH, yes, CPR," Severus interrupted with a smirk. "I remember taking that in Muggle Studies."
"Is that where you got your first kiss?" Harry asked cheekily.
"No," Remus answered. "That was where HE got his first kiss," pointing to the word Wormtail.
"Oh," the Potions Master muttered. "That was were you first found out that he was gay."
6. Reason why I was cheating on you. Let me see. Oh yes. I wanted someone with more taste in their mouth. I don't want someone with the taste of grilled onions. I still love you. I just don't like that taste.
7. Well, you see. It was really cold out and their broomstick wouldn't start. It had too much ice build up on it.
"Remember Lily using that one on James that one time?" Remus muttered shooting a smile at Severus.
"He was so upset when he found me there the next morning," Snape replied.
"What?" Harry screamed. "You spent the night with my mom. I could be your son. EEEWWWW. That is just just... ewewewewewew."
"It was nothing like that, Harry," Severus quickly interrupted before Harry worked himself up to a full blown fit. "We had protection."
"Ewewew," Harry kept muttering backing a way from the couch that he had been sharing with the spy. "Honestly you slept with my mom."
"No no no, we slept in different rooms," Severus stated in his calmest voice. "We had protection from James."
"You slept with my dad too," Harry exclaimed covering his ears with his hands. "Don't tell me anymore. I can't handle it."
"No," Severus muttered rising from the couch and pulling Harry's hands a way from his ears. "I had protection from James. Unbreakable locking charms."
"Oh," Harry stated taking a glass of hot chocalate from Remus and taking a large drink before he noticed Severus sneaking some calming drought into it.
8. It was cold and her/his lips were frozen together so I had to worm them u.
9. I did it all in the name of research. I wanted to see if everybody felt the same inside.
10. I love you baby. Come on. Lets go back to my room and I'll(a/n:censored) until the crack of dawn.
"Ew, I can't believe you guys wrote that," Harry wimpered throwing himself into the couch that he had returned to. "I feel dirty just reading it."
"Your dad actually did that," Remus muttered ducking the other adults swinging hand. "WE actually had to put several silencing charms around his bed. Your mom was so tired she didn't get out of bed for two days."
"LALALALALA," Harry started singing again placing his hands on his ears. "Too much info. I am now scarred for life, Moony. LALALALALALA."
"The last words we heard before we put the silencing charms up were," Remus continued with a mischievous smile. "Stop playing around James and stick it in."
"I'm going to be scarred for life," Harry whimpered into his Potion Masters chest. "I'm going to be scarred for life. Please please do a memory charm."
"No, you wanted to read this," Remus smirked. "So we are going to read it."
"You are so cruel," Harry muttered still curled into Snape. "Do something, Sir."
"Come on, Lupin," Severus implored rubbing circles on the distressed teens back. "I do not think that Harry needs to hear all the details."
11. I'm not really here. You don't really see me. I'm an illisusion. You are drunk. And umm umm and umm your drugged.
12. It's temparly over. See you for tomorrow's date.
"It worked three different times and after the date they did the last part of number 10." Remus said. "And It worked once for Snape and his cousin."
"It was my sister, wolf," Severus exclaimed. "No it was my cousin."
"I didn't know you had a sister," Harry muttered.
"Yeah and she is quite good in bed too," Remus added with a wistful look in his eyes.
"It is a long and confusing story," Severus muttered. "We were young and we were just experimenting."
"Tell me," Harry said with a smirk fitting of Snape. "We have time. After all this is Saturday and I don't have Quidditch today."
"She was my half sister," Severus remarked with a return smirk. "She was my half sister. We didn't even know we were related until I introduced her to my dad. By that time she was pregnant."
"You slept with your half sister," Harry gasped in shock turning green. "And had a baby with her."
"I told you it was confusing," Snape replied.
"So you lost your virginity to a girl," Harry murmured shaking his head. "I owe Ron twenty galleons."
"What you heard in this room never leaves this room," the potion master threatened. "Or I will scare you for life."
"You'll do what," Remus exclaimed his normal calm hazel eyes quickly turning gold. "You will not hurt my cub."
"No, but he will have nightmares for the rest of his life," Severus stated with a smirk.
"Hate to break this to you," Harry interjected trying to stop a fight before it even got truly started. "But I already have nightmares."
"I have my sister and my memories in that pensieve on my desk," Snape sneered pointing to the next room. "I would have no problem sharing them with you."
"I'll shut up," Harry whispered with his hands in front of his face. "One mad man in my head is enough."
13. It is Friday the 13th. According to my superstition book it is bad luck to do anything with your girl/boyfriend. We'll continue (a/n:censored) after midnight.
14. I love you, but not in that way. I just love your lower part and her upper part. She lets me play around more.
15. I thought you said we needed to see other people.
16. My parents made me do it.
17. OK. Lets compare you two. She/ he has a bigger chest. You are better in bed. So I will see you tonight.
18. The professor says we can't date in public, but we can still do (a/n:censored) all night long with protection.
19. I'm afraid of getting you pregnant. I have too much respect for you to do that. So I am doing it with her instead.
20. I do have a reputation to uphold after all.
21. The other girls/ boys were getting jealous of you.
22. He/she told me that they would kill you if I did not shag them. So I actually did it for you. Although I did pretend it was you.
23. I don't have an excuse. I made a mistake. I still love you and you are the only one for me. Please forgive me.
24. I blame hormones.
25. We feel asleep before the movie was over.
26. The card game went late and we have to be at work really early. So he/ she just camped out here. Nothing happened really.
27. Sirius was the one to sleep with her, he must have gone off to get breakfast.
28. So how were rounds anyway. We simply didn't want you to catch Snape in the hall so we let him stay here.
"Wait a minute," Severus interjected. "I was never in Gyfinndor Tower when I was in school."
"That is what they all said after James and Sirius were done with them," Remus responded smiling at Severus with his eyes twinkling.
"Great now we have two of them to deal with," Harry moaned leaning into the Potions Master's shoulder. "As if Headmaster Dumbeldore wasn't enough now Remus has gotten the deadly eye twinkle disease too."
29. We feel asleep studying.
30. This is not what you think. I was set-up I tell you.
A/N: Sorry about the long wait. This will end this little ditty unless we can come up with some more situations. As always feel free to send you opinion.
